Microcosmography

FOOTNOTES:

[CP] Coxeter, in his MSS. notes to Gildon's Lives of the Eng. Dram. Poets, in the Bodleian, says that the second edition was in 8vo. 1613, "Essays and Characters, Ironical and Instructive," but this must be a mistake.

[CQ]

"Who takes thy volume to his vertuous hand,Must be intended still to vnderstand:Who bluntly doth but looke vpon the same,May aske, what author would conceale his name?Who reads may roaue, and call the passage darke,Yet may, as blind men, sometimes hit the marke.Who reads, who roaues, who hopes to vnderstand,May take thy volume to his vertuous hand.Who cannot reade, but onely doth desireTo vnderstand, hee may at length admire.B. I."

[CR] These were added to the sixth edition of the Wife, in 1615.

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v. Caracters upon Essaies, morall and diuine, written for those good spirits that will take them in good part, and make use of them to good purpose. London: Printed by Edw. Griffin for John Guillim, and are to be sold at his shop in Britaines Burse. 1615. 12mo.

[Censura Literaria, v. 51. Monthly Mirror, xi. 16.]-

vi. The Good and the Badde, or Descriptions of the Worthies and Vnworthies of this Age. Where the Best may see their Graces, and the Worst discerne their Basenesse. London, Printed by George Purslowe for Iohn Budge, and are to be sold at the great South-dore of Paules, and at Brittaines Bursse. 1616.

[4to. containing pp. 40, title, dedication "to Sir Gilbert Houghton, Knight," and preface six more. A second edition appeared in 1643, under the title of England's Selected Characters, &c.]

The author of these characters[CS] was Nicholas Breton, who dedicates them to Sir Gilbert Houghton, of Houghton, Knight. Of Breton no particulars are now known, excepting what may be gained from an epitaph in Norton church, Northamptonshire[CT], by which we learn that he was the son of Captain Breton, of Tamworth, in Staffordshire, and served himself in the Low Countries, under the command of the Earl of Leicester. He married Anne, daughter of Sir Edward Legh, or Leigh, of Rushell, Staffordshire, by whom he had five sons and four daughters, and having purchased the manor of Norton, died there June 22, 1624[CU].

Breton appears to have been a poet of considerable reputation among his contemporaries, as he is noticed with commendation by Puttenhem and Meres: Sir Samuel Egerton Brydges declares that his poetical powers were distinguished by a simplicity, at once easy and elegant. Specimens of his productions in verse, may be found in Percy's Reliques, Ellis's Specimens, Cooper's Muses' Library, Censura Literaria; and an imperfect list of his publications is given by Ritson, in the Bibliographia Poetica, which is augmented by Mr. Park, in the Cens. Lit. ix. 163[CV].

A WORTHIE PRIUIE COUNCELLER

A worthy priuie counceller is the pillar of a realme, in whose wisedome and care, vnder God and the king, stands the safety of a kingdome; he is the watch-towre to giue warning of the enemy, and a hand of prouision for the preseruation of the state: hee is an oracle in the king's eare, and a sword in the king's hand, an euen weight in the ballance of justice, and a light of grace in the loue of truth: he is an eye of care in the course of lawe, a heart of loue in the seruice of his soueraigne, a mind of honour in the order of his seruice, and a braine of inuention for the good of the common-wealth; his place is powerful, while his seruice is faithfull, and his honour due in the desert of his employment. In summe, he is as a fixed planet mong the starres of the firmament, which through the clouds in the ayre, shewes the nature of his light.

AN VNWORTHIE COUNCELLER

An vnworthie counceller is the hurt of a king, and the danger of a state, when the weaknes of judgement may commit an error, or the lacke of care may give way to vnhappinesse: he is a wicked charme in the king's eare, a sword of terror in the aduice of tyranny: his power is perillous in the partiality of will, and his heart full of hollownesse in the protestation of loue: hypocrisie is the couer of his counterfaite religion, and traiterous inuētion is the agent of his ambition: he is the cloud of darknesse, that threatneth foule weather, and if it growe to a storme, it is feareful where it falls: hee is an enemy to God in the hate of grace, and worthie of death in disloyalty to his soueraigne. In summe, he is an vnfit person for the place of a counceller, and an vnworthy subject to looke a king in the face.

AN EFFEMINATE FOOL

An effeminate foole is the figure of a baby: he loues nothing but gay, to look in a glasse, to keepe among wenches, and to play with trifles; to feed on sweet meats, and to be daunced in laps, to be inbraced in armes, and to be kissed on the cheeke: to talke idlely, to looke demurely, to goe nicely, and to laugh continually: to be his mistresse' servant, and her mayd's master, his father's love, and his mother's none-child: to play on a fiddle, and sing a loue-song, to weare sweet gloues, and look on fine things: to make purposes and write verses, deuise riddles, and tell lies: to follow plaies, and study daunces, to heare newes, and buy trifles: to sigh for loue, and weepe for kindnesse, and mourne for company, and bee sicke for fashion: to ride in a coach, and gallop a hackney, to watch all night, and sleepe out the morning: to lie on a bed, and take tobacco, and to send his page of an idle message to his mistresse; to go vpon gigges, to haue his ruffes set in print, to picke his teeth, and play with a puppet. In summe, hee is a man-childe, and a woman's man, a gaze of folly, and wisedome's griefe[CW].

"THE CHESSE PLAY."

Very aptly deuised by N. B. Gent.

[From "The Phœnix Nest. Built vp with the most rare and refined workes of Noble men, woorthy Knights, gallant Gentlemen, Masters of Arts, and braue Schollers," &c. "Set foorth by R. S. of the Inner Temple, Gentleman." 4to. London, by Iohn Iackson, 1593, page 28.]

A secret many yeeres vnseene,In play at chesse, who knowes the game,First of the King, and then the Queene,Knight, Bishop, Rooke, and so by name,Of euerie Pawne I will descrie,The nature with the qualitie.THE KINGThe King himselfe is haughtie care,Which ouerlooketh all his men,And when he seeth how they fareHe steps among them now and then,Whom, when his foe presumes to checke,His seruants stand, to giue the necke.THE QUEENEThe Queene is queint, and quicke conceit,Which makes hir walke which way she list,And rootes them vp, that lie in waitTo worke hir treason, ere she wist:Hir force is such against hir foesThat whom she meetes, she ouerthrowes.THE KNIGHTThe Knight is knowledge how to fightAgainst his prince's enimies,He neuer makes his walke outright,But leaps and skips, in wilie wise,To take by sleight a traitrous foe,Might slilie seeke their ouerthrowe.THE BISHOPThe Bishop he is wittie braine,That chooseth crossest pathes to pace,And euermore he pries with paine,To see who seekes him most disgrace:Such straglers when he findes astraieHe takes them vp, and throwes awaie.THE ROOKESThe Rookes are reason on both sides,Which keepe the corner houses still,And warily stand to watch their tides,By secret art to worke their will,To take sometime a theefe vnseene,Might mischiefe meane to King or Queene.THE PAWNESThe Pawne before the King, is peace,Which he desires to keepe at home,Practise, the Queene's, which doth not ceaseAmid the world abroad to roame,To finde, and fall upon each foe,Whereas his mistres meanes to goe.Before the Knight, is perill plast,Which he, by skipping ouergoes,And yet that Pawne can worke a cast,To ouerthrow his greatest foes;The Bishop's prudence, prieng stillWhich way to worke his master's will.The Rooke's poore Pawnes, are sillie swaines,Which seeldome serue, except by hap,And yet those Pawnes, can lay their traines,To catch a great man, in a trap:So that I see, sometime a groomeMay not be spared from his roome.THE NATURE OF THE CHESSE MENThe King is stately, looking hie;The Queene doth beare like maiestie:The Knight is hardie, valiant, wise:The Bishop prudent and precise.The Rookes no raungers out of raie[CX],The Pawnes the pages in the plaie.LENVOYThen rule with care, and quicke conceit,And fight with knowledge, as with force;So beare a braine, to dash deceit,And worke with reason and remorse.Forgive a fault when young men plaie,So giue a mate, and go your way.And when you plaie beware of checke,Know how to saue and giue a necke:And with a checke beware of mate;But cheefe, ware had I wist too late:Loose not the Queene, for ten to one,If she be lost, the game is gone."FOOTNOTES:

[CS] These are a king; a queen; a prince; a privy-counsellor; a noble man; a bishop; a judge; a knight; a gentleman; a lawyer; a soldier; a physician; a merchant (their good and bad characters); a good man, and an atheist or most bad man; a wise man and a fool; an honest man and a knave; an usurer; a beggar; a virgin and a wanton woman; a quiet woman; an unquiet woman; a good wife; an effeminate fool; a parasite; a bawd; a drunkard; a coward; an honest poor man; a just man; a repentant sinner; a reprobate; an old man; a young man, and a holy man.

[CT] It is by no means certain that this may not be intended to perpetuate the memory of some other person of the same names, although Mr. Gough, in a note to the second volume of Queen Elizabeth's Progresses, seems to think it belongs to our author.

[CU] Bridges' Northamptonshire, vol. ii. page 78, s. Shaw's Staffordshire, vol. i. page 422.

[CV] To these lists of Breton's productions may be added, 1. A Solemne Passion of the Soule's Loue. 4to. Lond. 1598. 2. The Mother's Blessing, 4to. Lond. 1602. 3. A True Description of vnthankfulnesse; or an enemie to Ingratitude. 4to. Lond. 1602. 4. Breton's Longing, 4to. title lost in the Bodleian copy; prefixed are verses by H. T. gent. 5. A Poste with a packet of Mad Letters, 4to. 1633, dedicated by Nicholas Breton to Maximilian Dallison of Hawlin, Kent. The last tract excepted, all the above are in a volume bequeathed by Bishop Tanner to the university of Oxford, which contains many of the pieces noticed by Ritson, and, in addition, The Passion of a discontented Minde. 4to. Lond. 1602, which I should have no hesitation in placing to Breton. At the end of the volume are The Passions of the Spirit, and Excellent Vercis worthey imitation of euery Christian in thier Conuersiation, both in manuscript, and, if we may judge from the style, evidently by the author before-mentioned. For the Figures, in the composition of which he had certainly a share, see page 198.

[CW] I am not aware that the following specimen of his versification, which is curious, has been reprinted.

[CX] Raie, for array; order, rank. So Spencer.

"And all the damzels of that towne in ray,Came dauncing forth, and ioyous carrols song:" Faerie Queene, book v. canto xi. 34.-

vii. Essayes and Characters of a Prison and Prisoners. Written by G. M. of Grayes'-Inne, Gent. (Woodcut of a keeper standing with the hatch of a prison open, in his left hand a staff, the following lines at the side;

"Those that keepe mee, I keepe; if can, will still:Hee's a true Iaylor strips the Diuell in ill.")

Printed at London for Mathew Walbancke and are to be solde at his shops at the new and old Gate of Grayes-Inne. 1618.

[4to. pp. 48. title, dedication, &c. eight more.]

A second edition appeared in 1638, and, as the title informs us, "with some new additions: " what these were I am not able to state, as my copy, although it appears perfect, contains precisely the same with that of 1618.

Of Geffray Mynshul, as he signs his name to the dedication, I can learn no particulars, but I have reason to suppose him descended from an ancient and highly respectable family, residing at Minshull, in the county of Chester[CY], during the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. By what mishap he became an inmate of the King's-bench prison, from when he dates[CZ] his Essayes, it is impossible to conjecture, but as he talks of usury and extortion, as well as of severe creditors; and advises those who are compelled to borrow, to pay as soon as they can, we may suppose that imprudence and extravagance assisted in reducing him to the situation he attempts to describe.

In the dedication to his uncle, "Mr. Matthew Mainwaring[DA], of Namptwich, in Cheshire," he says: – "Since my comming into this prison, what with the strangenesse of the place, and strictnesse of my liberty, I am so transported that I could not follow that study wherein I tooke great delight and cheife pleasure, and to spend my time idley would but adde more discontentments to my troubled brest, and being in this chaos of discontentments, fantasies must arise, which will bring forth the fruits of an idle braine, for e malis minimum. It is farre better to giue some accompt of time, though to little purpose, than none at all. To which end I gathered a handfull of essayes, and few characters of such things as by my owne experience I could say Probatum est: not that thereby I should either please the reader, or shew exquisitenes of inuention, or curious stile; seeing what I write of is but the child of sorrow, bred by discontentments, and nourisht vp with misfortunes, to whosc help melancholly Saturne gaue his iudgement, the night-bird her inuention, and the ominous rauen brought a quill taken from his owne wing, dipt in the inke of misery, as chiefe ayders in this architect of sorrow."

"CHARACTER OF A PRISONER

A prisoner is an impatient patient, lingring vnder the rough hands of a cruell phisitian: his creditor hauing cast his water knowes his disease, and hath power to cure him, but takes more pleasure to kill him. He is like Tantalus, who hath freedome running by his doore, yet cannot enioy the least benefit thereof. His greatest griefe is that his credit was so good and now no better. His land is drawne within the compasse of a sheepe's skin, and his owne hand the fortification that barres him of entrance: hee is fortunes tossing-bal, an obiect that would make mirth melancholy: to his friends an abiect, and a subiect of nine dayes' wonder in euery barber's shop, and a mouthfull of pitty (that he had no better fortune) to midwiues and talkatiue gossips; and all the content that this transitory life can giue him seemes but to flout him, in respect the restraint of liberty barres the true vse. To his familiars hee is like a plague, whom they dare scarce come nigh for feare of infection, he is a monument ruined by those which raysed him, he spends the day with a hei mihi! ve miserum! and the night with a nullis est medicabilis herbis."

FOOTNOTES:

[CY] In the church of St. Mary, at Nantwich, in that county, is a monument erected by Geofry Minshull, of Stoke, Esq. to the memory of his ancestors. Historical Account of Nantwich, 8vo. 1774, page 33. King, in his Vale Royal of England, folio, Lond. 1656, page 74, speaks of Minshall-hall, "a very ancient seat, which hath continued the successions of a worshipfull race in its own name" – &c.

[CZ] This place of residence was omitted in the second edition.

[DA] The Mainwarings were an old family of repute, being mentioned as residing near Nantwich, by Leland, Itin. vol. 7. pt. i. fol. 43. See also the list of escheators of Cheshire, in Leycester's Historical Antiquities, folio, Lond. 1673, p. 186.

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viii. Cvres for the Itch. Characters. Epigrams. Epitaphs. By H. P. Scalpat qui tangitur. London, Printed for Thomas Iones, at the signs of the Blacke Rauen in the Strand. 1626. [8vo. containing pp. 142, not numbered.]

I have little doubt but that the initials H. P. may be attributed with justice to Henry Parrot, author of Laquei ridiculosi: or, Springes for Woodcocks, a collection of epigrams, printed at London in 1613[DB], 8vo. and commended by Mr. Warton, who says, that "many of them are worthy to be revived in modern collections"[DC]. To the same person I would also give The Mastive, or Young Whelpe of the Old Dogge. Epigrams and Satyrs. Lond. (Date cut off in the Bodleian copy,) 4to. —The Mouse Trap, consisting of 100 Epigrams, 4to. 1606. —Epigrams by H. P. 4to. 1608. – and The More the Merrier: containing three-score and odde headlesse Epigrams, shot (like the Fooles bolt) amongst you, light where they will, 4to. 1608[DD].

It appears from the Preface to Cvres for the Itch, that the Epigrams and Epitaphs were written in 1624, during the author's residence in the country, at the "long vacation," and the Characters[DE], which are "not so fully perfected as was meant," were composed "of later times." The following afford as fair a specimen of this part of the volume as can be produced.

"A SCOLD. (B. 5.)

Is a much more heard of, then least desired to bee seene or knowne, she-kinde of serpent; the venom'd sting of whose poysonous tongue, worse then the biting of a scorpion, proues more infectious farre then can be cured. Shee's of all other creatures most vntameablest, and couets more the last word in scoulding, then doth a Combater the last stroke for victorie. She lowdest lifts it standing at her door, bidding, wth exclamation, flat defiance to any one sayes blacke's her eye. She dares appeare before any iustice, nor is least daunted with the sight of counstable, nor at worst threatnings of a cucking-stoole. There's nothing mads or moues her more to outrage, then but the very naming of a wispe, or if you sing or whistle when she is scoulding. If any in the interim chance to come within her reach, twenty to one she scratcheth him by the face; or doe but offer to hold her hands, sheel presently begin to cry out murder. There's nothing pacifies her but a cup of sacke, which taking in full measure of digestion, shee presently forgets all wrongs that's done her, and thereupon falls streight a weeping. Doe but intreat her with faire words, or flatter her, she then confesseth all her imperfections, and layes the guilt vpon the whore her mayd. Her manner is to talke much in her sleepe, what wrongs she hath indured of that rogue her husband whose hap may be in time to dye a martyr; and so I leaue them."

"A GOOD WIFE,

Is a world of happiness, that brings with it a kingdom in conceit, and makes a perfect adiunct in societie; shee's such a comfort as exceeds content, and proues so precious as canot be paralleld, yea more inestimable then may be valued. Shee's any good man's better second selfe, the very mirror of true constant modesty, the carefull huswife of frugalitie, and dearest obiect of man's heart's felicitie. She commands with mildnesse, rules with discretion, liues in repute, and ordereth all things that are good or necessarie. Shee's her husband's solace, her house's ornament, her children's succor, and her seruant's comfort. Shee's (to be briefe) the eye of warinesse, the tongue of silence, the hand of labour, and the heart of loue. Her voice is musicke, her countenance meeknesse; her minde vertuous, and her soule gratious. Shee's a blessing giuen from God to man, a sweet companion in his affliction, and ioynt co-partner upon all occasions. Shee's (to conclude) earth's chiefest paragon, and will bee, when shee dyes, heauen's dearest creature."

FOOTNOTES:

[DB] Mr. Steevens quotes an edition in 1606, but the preface expressly states, that they were composed in 1611. – "Duo propemodum anni elapsi sunt, ex quo primum Epigrammata hæc (qualiacunque) raptim et festinanter perficiebam" – &c.

[DC] History of English Poetry, iv. 73.

[DD] Censura Literaria, iii. 387, 388.

[DE] These consist of a ballad-maker; a tapster; a drunkard; a rectified young man; a young nouice's new yonger wife; a common fidler; a broker; a iouiall good fellow; a humourist; a malepart yong upstart; a scold; a good wife, and a selfe-conceited parcell-witty old dotard.

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ix. Characters of Vertves and Vices. In two Bookes. By Ios. Hall. Imprinted at London, 1627.

The above is copied from a separate title in the collected works of Bishop Hall, printed in folio, and dedicated to James the First. The book, I believe, originally appeared in 8vo. 1608[DF]. Of this edition I have in vain endeavoured to procure some information, although I cannot fancy it to be of any peculiar rarity.

The volume contains a dedication to Edward Lord Denny, and James Lord Hay, a premonition of the title and use of characters, the proemes, eleven virtuous characters, and fifteen of a different discription. As Bishop Hall's collected works have so lately appeared in a new edition, and as Mr. Pratt[DG] proposes to add a life of the author in a subsequent volume, I shall forbear giving any specimen from the works or biographical notices of this amiable prelate, recommending the perusal of his excellent productions, to all who admire the combination of sound sense with unaffected devotion.

FOOTNOTES:

[DF] See Brand's Sale Catalogue, 8vo. 1807, page 115, No. 3147.

[DG] See the Gentleman's Magazine for October, 1810, LXXXI. 317.

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x. Micrologia. Characters, or Essayes, of Persons, Trades, and Places, offered to the City and Country. By R. M. Printed at London by T. C. for Michael Sparke, dwelling at the blue Bible, in Greene Arbor. 1629.

[8vo. containing 56 pages, not numbered.]

The characters in this volume are "A fantasticke taylor; a player; a shooe-maker; a rope-maker; a smith; a tobacconist; a cunning woman; a cobler; a tooth-drawer; a tinker; a fidler; a cunning horse-courser; Bethlem; Ludgate; Bridewell; (and) Newgate." —

"A PLAYER. – (Sign. B. iii.)

Is a volume of various conceits or epitome of time, who by his representation and appearance makes things long past seeme present. He is much like the compters in arithmeticke, and may stand one while for a king, another while a begger, many times as a mute or cypher. Sometimes hee represents that which in his life he scarse practises – to be an honest man. To the point, hee oft personates a rover, and therein comes neerest to himselfe. If his action prefigure passion, he raues, rages, and protests much by his painted heauens, and seemes in the heighth of this fit ready to pull Ioue out of the garret, where pershance hee lies leaning on his elbowes, or is imployed to make squips and crackers to grace the play. His audience are often-times iudicious, but his chiefe admirers are commonly young wanton chamber-maids, who are so taken with his posture and gay clothes, they neuer come to be their owne women after. Hee exasperates men's enormities in publike view, and tels them their faults on the stage, not as being sorry for them, but rather wishes still hee might finde more occasions to worke on. He is the generall corrupter of spirits, yet vntainted, inducing them by gradation to much lasciuious deprauity. He is a perspicuity of vanity in variety, and suggests youth to perpetrate such vices, as otherwise they had haply nere heard of. He is (for the most part) a notable hypocrite, seeming what he is not, and is indeed what hee seemes not. And if hee lose one of his fellow stroules, in the summer he turnes king of the gipsies: if not, some great man's protection is a sufficient warrant for his peregrination, and a meanes to procure him the town-hall, where hee may long exercise his qualities, with clown-claps of great admiration, in a tone sutable to the large eares of his illiterate auditorie. Hee is one seldome takes care for old age, because ill diet and disorder, together with a consumption, or some worse disease, taken vp in his full careere, haue onely chalked out his catastrophe but to a colon: and he scarsely suruiues to his naturall period of dayes."

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xi. Whimzies: Or, A new Cast of Characters. Nova, non nota delectant. London, Printed by F. K. and are to be sold by Ambrose Rithirdon, at the signe of the Bull's-head, in Paul's Church-yard. 1631.

[12mo. containing in all, pp. 280.]

The dedication to this volume, which is inscribed to sir Alexander Radcliffe, is signed "Clitus – Alexandrinus;" the author's real name I am unable to discover. It contains twenty-four characters[DH], besides "A cater-character, throwne out of a boxe by an experienced gamester[DI];" and some lines "vpon the birth-day of his sonne Iohn," of which the first-will be sufficient to satisfy all curiosity.

"God blesse thee, Iohn,And make thee such an oneThat I may ioyin calling thee my son.Thou art my ninth,and by it I divineThat thou shalt liveto love the Muses nine." – &c. &c."A CORRANTO-COINER – (p. 15.)

Is a state newes-monger; and his owne genius is his intelligencer. His mint goes weekely, and he coines monie by it. Howsoeuer, the more intelligent merchants doe jeere him, the vulgar doe admire him, holding his novels oracular: and these are usually sent for tokens or intermissiue curtsies betwixt city and countrey. Hee holds most constantly one forme or method of discourse. He retaines some militarie words of art, which hee shootes at randome; no matter where they hitt, they cannot wound any. He ever leaves some passages doubtfull, as if they were some more intimate secrecies of state, clozing his sentence abruptly with —heereafter you shall heare more. Which words, I conceive, he onely useth as baites, to make the appetite of the reader more eager in his next week's pursuit for a more satisfying labour. Some generall-erring relations he pickes up, as crummes or fragments, from a frequented ordinarie: of which shreads he shapes a cote to fit any credulous foole that will weare it. You shall never observe him make any reply in places of publike concourse; hee ingenuously acknowledges himselfe to bee more bounden to the happinesse of a retentive memory, than eyther ability of tongue, or pregnancy of conceite. He carryes his table-booke still about with him, but dares not pull it out publikely. Yet no sooner is the table drawne, than he turnes notarie; by which meanes hee recovers the charge of his ordinarie. Paules is his walke in winter; Moorfields[DJ] in sommer. Where the whole discipline, designes, projects, and exploits of the States, Netherlands, Poland, Switzer, Crimchan and all, are within the compasse of one quadrangle walke most judiciously and punctually discovered. But long he must not walke, lest hee make his newes-presse stand. Thanks to his good invention, he can collect much out of a very little: no matter though more experienced judgements disprove him; hee is anonymos, and that wil secure him. To make his reports more credible or, (which he and his stationer onely aymes at,) more vendible, in the relation of every occurrent he renders you the day of the moneth; and to approve himselfe a scholler, he annexeth these Latine parcells, or parcell-gilt sentences, veteri stylo, novo stylo. Palisados, parapets, counterscarfes, forts, fortresses, rampiers, bulwarks, are his usual dialect. Hee writes as if he would doe some mischiefe, yet the charge of his shot is but paper. Hee will sometimes start in his sleepe, as one affrighted with visions, which I can impute to no other cause but to the terrible skirmishes which he discoursed of in the day-time. He has now tyed himselfe apprentice to the trade of minting, and must weekly performe his taske, or (beside the losse which accrues to himselfe,) he disappoints a number of no small fooles, whose discourse, discipline, and discretion, is drilled from his state-service. These you shall know by their Mondai's morning question, a little before Exchange time; Stationer, have you any newes? Which they no sooner purchase than peruse; and, early by next morning, (lest their countrey friend should be deprived of the benefit of so rich a prize,) they freely vent the substance of it, with some illustrations, if their understanding can furnish them that way. He would make you beleeve that hee were knowne to some forraine intelligence, but I hold him the wisest man that hath the least faith to beleeve him. For his relations he stands resolute, whether they become approved, or evinced for untruths; which if they bee, hee has contracted with his face never to blush for the matter. Hee holds especiall concurrence with two philosophicall sects, though hee bee ignorant of the tenets of either: in the collection of his observations, he is peripateticall, for hee walkes circularly; in the digestion of his relations he is Stoicall, and sits regularly. Hee has an alphabeticall table of all the chiefe commanders, generals, leaders, provinciall townes, rivers, ports, creekes, with other fitting materials to furnish his imaginary building. Whisperings, muttrings, and bare suppositions, are sufficient grounds for the authoritie of his relations. It is strange to see with what greedinesse this ayrie Chameleon, being all lungs and winde, will swallow a receite of newes, as if it were physicall: yea, with what frontlesse insinuation he will scrue himselfe into the acquaintance of some knowing Intelligencers, who, trying the cask by his hollow sound, do familiarly gull him. I am of opinion, were all his voluminous centuries of fabulous relations compiled, they would vye in number with the Iliads of many forerunning ages. You shall many times finde in his Gazettas, pasquils, and corrantos miserable distractions; here a city taken by force long before it bee besieged; there a countrey laid waste before ever the enemie entered. He many times tortures his readers with impertinencies, yet are these the tolerablest passages throughout all his discourse. He is the very landskip of our age. He is all ayre; his eare alwayes open to all reports, which, how incredible soever, must passe for currant, and find vent, purposely to get him currant money, and delude the vulgar. Yet our best comfort is, his chymeras live not long; a weeke is the longest in the citie, and after their arrival, little longer in the countrey; which past, they melt like Butter, or match a pipe, and so Burne[DK]. But indeede, most commonly it is the height of their ambition to aspire to the imployment of stopping mustard-pots, or wrapping up pepper, pouder, staves-aker, &c. which done, they expire. Now for his habit, Wapping and Long-lane will give him his character. Hee honours nothing with a more indeered observance, nor hugges ought with more intimacie than antiquitie, which he expresseth even in his cloathes. I have knowne some love fish best that smelled of the panyer; and the like humour reignes in him, for hee loves that apparele best that has a taste of the broker. Some have held him for a scholler, but trust mee such are in a palpable errour, for hee never yet understood so much Latine as to construe Gallo-Belgicus. For his librarie (his owne continuations excepted,) it consists of very few or no bookes. He holds himselfe highly engaged to his invention if it can purchase him victuals; for authors hee never converseth with them, unlesse they walke in Paules. For his discourse it is ordinarie, yet hee will make you a terrible repetition of desperate commanders, unheard of exployts; intermixing withall his owne personall service. But this is not in all companies, for his experience hath sufficiently informed him in this principle – that as nothing workes more on the simple than things strange and incredibly rare; so nothing discovers his weaknesse more among the knowing and judicious than to insist, by way of discourse, on reports above conceite. Amongst these, therefore, hee is as mute as a fish. But now imagine his lampe (if he be worth one,) to be neerely burnt out; his inventing genius wearied and surfoote with raunging over so many unknowne regions; and himselfe, wasted with the fruitlesse expence of much paper, resigning his place of weekly collections to another, whom, in hope of some little share, hee has to his stationer recommended, while he lives either poorely respected, or dyes miserably suspended. The rest I end with his owne cloze: —Next weeke you shall heare more."