Next Door Neighbours: A Comedy; In Three Acts

SIR GEORGE

If you advance no falsehood, I cannot have any objection.

BLACKMAN

Falsehood! – falsehood! – I apprehend, Sir George, you do not consider, that there is a particular construction put upon words and phrases in the practice of the law, which the rest of the world, out of that study, are not clearly acquainted with. For instance, falsehood with us, is not exactly what it is with other people.

SIR GEORGE

How! Is truth, immutable truth, to be corrupted and confounded by men of the law?

BLACKMAN

I was not speaking of truth – that, we have nothing to do with.

SIR GEORGE

I, must not say so, however, sir. – And in this crisis of my sufferings, it is the only comfort, the only consolatory reflection left me, that truth and I, will never separate.

BLACKMAN

Stick to your truth – but confide in me as usual. – You will go with me, then, to Mr. Manly, your father's lawyer, and corroborate all that I shall say?

SIR GEORGE

Tell me, but what you intend to say?

BLACKMAN

I can't do that. In the practice of the law, we never know what we intend to say – and therefore our blunders, when we make them, are in some measure excusable – and if I should chance to make a blunder or two, I mean any trivial mistake, when we come before this lawyer, you must promise not to interfere, or in any shape contradict me.

SIR GEORGE

A mere lapse of memory, I have nothing to do with.

BLACKMAN

And my memory grows very bad; therefore you must not disconcert me.

SIR GEORGE

Come, let us begone – I am ready to go with you this moment.

BLACKMAN

I must first go home, and prepare a few writings.

SIR GEORGE

But call to mind that I rely upon your honour.

BLACKMAN

Do you think Bluntly, your servant, is an honest man?

SIR GEORGE

I am sure he is.

BLACKMAN

Then, to quiet your fears, I will take him along with us; and you will depend on what he shall say, I make no doubt?

SIR GEORGE

I would stake my being upon his veracity.

BLACKMAN

Call him in, then, and bid him do as I command him.

SIR GEORGE

Here, Bluntly. (Enter Bluntly.) Mr. Blackman has some business with you – listen to him with attention, and follow his directions.

[Exit.BLACKMAN

You know, I suppose, the perilous situation of your master?

[Bluntly shakes his head, and wipes his eyes.BLACKMAN

Good fellow! good fellow! – and you would, I dare say, do any thing to rescue him from the misery with which he is surrounded?

BLUNTLY

I would lay down my life.

BLACKMAN

You can do it for less. Only put on a black coat, and the business is done.

BLUNTLY

What's that all? Oh! if I can save him by putting on a black coat, I'll go buy mourning, and wear it all my life.

BLACKMAN

There's a good fellow. I sincerely thank you for this attachment to your master.

[Shaking him by the hand.BLUNTLY

My dear Blackman, I beg your pardon for what I am going to say; but as you behave thus friendly on this unfortunate occasion, I must confess to you – that till now I always hated you. – I could not bear the sight of you. – For I thought you (I wish I may die if I did not) one of the greatest rogues in the world. I fancied you only waited on, and advised my master to make your market of him. – But now your attention to him in his distress, when all his friends have forsaken him, is so kind – Heaven bless you – Heaven bless you – I'll go buy a black coat.

[Going.BLACKMAN

I have something more to say to you. – When you have put on this coat, you must meet your master and me at Mr. Manly's, the lawyer; and when we are all there, you must mind and say, exactly what I say.

BLUNTLY

And what will that be?

BLACKMAN

Oh! something.

BLUNTLY

I have no objection to say something – but I hope you won't make me say any thing.

BLACKMAN

You seem to doubt me once more, sir?

BLUNTLY

No, I am doubting you now for the first time; for I always thought I was certain before.

BLACKMAN

And will you not venture to say yes, and no, to what I shall advance?

BLUNTLY

Why – I think I may venture to say yes to your no, and no to your yes, with a safe conscience.

BLACKMAN

If you do not instantly follow me and do all that I shall propose, your master is ruined. – Would you see him dragged to prison?

BLUNTLY

No, I would sooner go myself.

BLACKMAN

Then why do you stand talking about a safe conscience. Half my clients would have been ruined if I had shewn my zeal as you do. Conscience indeed! Why, this is a matter of law, to serve your master in his necessity.

BLUNTLY

I have heard necessity has no law – but if it has no conscience, it is a much worse thing than I took it for. – No matter for that – come along. – Oh my poor master! – I would even tell a lie to save him.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II. A lawyer's study

Mr. Manly discovered at his writing-desk – aServant attendingMANLY

Who do you say wants to speak with me?

SERVANT

Mr. Lucre, sir.

MANLY

And who else?

SERVANT

A person who says his name is Willford, he looks as if he came from the country, and seems in mean circumstances.

MANLY

Show him to me directly. And take Mr. Lucre, or any other person of fashion that may call, to my clerks. [Exit Servant.] But for the poor, let them be under my protection.

Enter Willford and EleanorMANLY

Come in – walk in, and let me know what I can do to serve you.

WILLFORD

I deposited, sir, in your clerk's hands, a sum of money to set me free from confinement for debt. – On his word, I was discharged – he owns he has not yet paid away this money, still he refuses to restore it to me, though in return I again render up my person.

MANLY

And why would you do this?

WILLFORD

Because my honour – I mean my conscience – for that's the poor man's honour – is concerned.

MANLY

Explain yourself.

WILLFORD

A son of mine, received this sum I speak of, and thought it given him; while it was only meant as a purchase – a purchase of what we had no right to sell – and therefore it must be restored to the owner.

MANLY

And who is he?

WILLFORD

Sir George Splendorville – I suppose you have heard of him?

MANLY

He, you mean, who by the desire of his father's will, lately changed his name from Blandford?

WILLFORD

Sir!

MANLY

The name, which some part of the family, while reduced, had taken.

WILLFORD

Good Heaven! Is there such a circumstance in his story?

MANLY

Why do you ask with such emotion?

WILLFORD

Because he is the man, in search of whom I left my habitation in the country, to present before him a destitute young woman, a near relation.

MANLY

What relation? – Be particular in your answer.

WILLFORD

A sister.

MANLY

I thank you for your intelligence. You have named a person who for these three years past, I have in vain endeavoured to find. – But did you say she was in poverty?

WILLFORD

I did.

MANLY

I give you joy then – for I have in my possession a deed which conveys to a lost daughter of Sir George's father, the other half of the fortune he bequeathed his son – but as yet, all my endeavours have been in vain to find where she, and an uncle, to whose care she was entrusted in her infancy, are retired.

WILLFORD[Turning to Eleanor.

Now, Eleanor, arm yourself with fortitude – with fortitude to bear not the frowns, but the smiles of fortune. Be humble, collected, and the same you have ever been, while I for the first time inform you – you are not my daughter. – And from this gentleman's intelligence add, you are rich – you are the deceased Blandford's child, and Splendorville's sister.

ELEANOR

Oh! Heavens! Do I lose a father such as you, to gain a brother such as he is?

MANLY[To Willford.

There can be no mistake on this occasion – And you, if I am not deceived, are the brother of the late Mr. Blandford. Your looks, your person, your very voice confirms it.

WILLFORD

I have writings in my care, shall prove it beyond a doubt; with the whole narrative of our separation when he with his son, then a youth, embarked for India; where I suppose, riches, soon succeeded poverty.

Enter ServantSERVANT

Lady Caroline Seymour, sir, is at the door in her carriage, and will not be denied admittance. She says she must see you upon some very urgent business.

MANLY[To Willford and Eleanor.

Will you do me the favour to step for a moment into this room? Lady Caroline will not stay long. I'll not detain you.

[Exit Willford and Eleanor. Enter Lady CarolineLADY CAROLINE

Dear Mr. Manly, I have a thousand apologies to make – And yet I am sure you will excuse the subject of my visit, when you consider —

MANLY

Your ladyship will please to sit down.

[He draws chairs and they sit.LADY CAROLINE

You cannot be ignorant, Mr. Manly – you must know, the terms of acquaintance on which Sir George Splendorville and I have been, for some time past? – you were his father's agent; his chief solicitor; and although you are not employed by Sir George, yet the state of his affairs cannot be concealed from you – Has he, or has he not, any inheritance yet to come?

MANLY

Pardon me, madam – though not entrusted by Sir George, I will, nevertheless, keep his secrets.

LADY CAROLINE

That is plainly telling me he is worth nothing.

MANLY

By no means – Sir George, in spite of his profusion, must still be rich. He has preserved his large estate in Wales; and as to money, I do not doubt but he has a considerable sum.

LADY CAROLINE

Not a guinea. I won it all from him last night.

MANLY

You? You, who are to become his wife?

LADY CAROLINE

I might, had I not been thus fortunate. But why should I marry him, when his riches are mine, without that ceremony.

MANLY

Inconsiderate man! – what will be the end of his imprudence! Yet, Heaven be praised! he has still that fine estate, I just now mentioned.

LADY CAROLINE

Indeed he has not – that has belonged to me these three months.

MANLY

To you!

LADY CAROLINE

Yes – Bought for me under another name by agents; and for half its value.

MANLY

Madman! – Yet your ladyship must excuse me. I know your income stinted, and till the death of the Earl, your father, where could you raise sufficient to make even half the purchase.

LADY CAROLINE

From Splendorville's own prodigality – from lavish presents made to me by him.

Enter ServantSERVANT

Sir George Splendorville, sir, desires to speak with you – he is at the door with Mr. Blackman.

LADY CAROLINE

Oh Heavens! do not let him see me here.

[She is hastening to the room where Willford and his daughter are.MANLY

I have company there – walk in here, if you Please.

[Shows her another door and she enters.MANLY[To the servant.

Desire Sir George to walk in.

Enter Sir George and BlackmanMANLY

Sir George, do me the favour to sit down.

[He looks coolly on Blackman, and pointing toa chair says Good morning. They sit.SIR GEORGE

Mr. Manly, my attorney will let you know the business on which I am come.

BLACKMAN

Why yes, Mr. Manly, it is extremely hard that Sir George has for so long a time been kept out of a very large part of his fortune; particularly, as he has had occasion for it.

SIR GEORGE

I have had occasion for it I assure you Mr. Manly; and I have occasion for it at this very time.

MR. MANLY

But so may the person, sir, from whom you would take it. In a word, Sir George, neither your lawyer nor you, shall prevail on me to give up the trust reposed in me by your father, without certain evidence, that your sister will never come to make her claim.

BLACKMAN

You are not afraid of ghosts, are you?

MANLY

No, nor of robbers either: – you cannot frighten me, Mr. Blackman.

BLACKMAN

Then depend upon it, the sister of Sir George can never appear in any other manner than as a spirit. For, here, sir, (taking from his pocket aparcel of papers) here are authentic letters to prove her death. (Sir George looks confused.)

MANLY

Her death!

BLACKMAN

Yes, her death. Here is a certificate from the curate of the parish in which she was buried.

MANLY

Buried too!

BLACKMAN

Yes, sir, buried. Here is also an affidavit from the sexton of the said village, signed by the overseer and churchwardens, testifying the same. – You see, (shewing him the paper, and readingat the same time) "Died Anno Domini, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine, the seventeenth of June – "

[Mr. Manly takes the paper, and while he isreading, Sir George says apart—SIR GEORGE

How near to the brink of infamy has my imprudence led me! And s'death, my confusion takes from me the power to explain, and expose the scoundrel. Mr. Manly, I will leave you for the present; but you shall hear from me shortly, – when this matter shall be accounted for clearly – perfectly to your satisfaction, you may depend upon it. – (Going.)

MANLY

Stay, Sir George, and —

BLACKMAN

Aye, Sir George, stay and see Mr. Manly's objections wholly removed. He seems to doubt the evidence of paper; I must, therefore, beg leave to produce a living witness – the gentleman whom I appointed to meet me here.

MANLY

And who is he?

BLACKMAN

The apothecary, who attended Sir George's sister in her dying illness.

[Sir George starts.MANLY

Desire him to walk in by all means. What is the matter, Sir George, you look discomposed?

BLACKMAN

Sir George is something nervous, Mr. Manly; and you know the very name of a medical gentleman, will affect the nerves of some people.

[Blackman goes to the door, and leads on Bluntly, dressed in mourning.SIR GEORGE[Aside.

Bluntly! – But I will see the end of this.

MANLY

(Bowing to him). You are an apothecary, I think, sir?

[Bluntly looks at Blackman]BLACKMAN

Yes, sir.

BLUNTLY

(After seeming inclined to say, No). Yes, sir.

MANLY

Pray sir, what disorder took the young lady, on whose account you have been brought hither, out of the world?

[Bluntly looks at Blackman.]BLACKMAN

Oh! the old disorder, I suppose.

BLUNTLY

The old disorder.

MANLY

And pray what may that be, sir? (Blackman offers to reply). Mr. Blackman, Please to let this gentleman speak for himself. – What is it you mean, pray sir, by the old disorder?

BLUNTLY

I – I – mean – Love, sir.

MANLY

You will not pretend to say, that love, was the cause of her death?

BLUNTLY

(Confused and hesitating). That – and a few fits of the gout.

MANLY

I fear, sir, you are not in perfect health yourself – you tremble and look very pale.

BLACKMAN

That is because the subject affects him.

MANLY

Do you then never mention the young lady without being affected?

BLUNTLY

Never, sir – for had you seen her as I did – um – Had you seen her. – She was in very great danger from the first; but after I attended her, she was in greater danger still. – I advised a physician to be called in; on which she grew worse. – We had next a consultation of physicians; and then it was all over with her.

SIR GEORGE

(Rising from his chair). Blackman, this is too much – all my calamities are inferior to this – Desist, therefore, or —

BLACKMAN

(To Bluntly.) Desist – He cannot bear to hear the pathetic description. Consider the lady was his sister – and though he had not the pleasure of knowing her – yet, poor thing – (affecting toweep) – poor young woman! he cannot help lamenting her loss.

BLUNTLY

No more can I – for though she was not my relation – yet she was my Patient. (pretending toweep also).

SIR GEORGE

I can bear no more. – Mr. Manly, you are imposed upon. But think not, however appearances may be against me, that I came here as the tool of so infamous a deceit. – Thoughtlessness, Mr. Manly, has embarrassed my circumstances; and thoughtlessness alone, has made me employ a villain to retrieve them.

BLACKMAN

Mighty fine!

SIR GEORGE

I have no authority, sir, to affirm, that my sister is not alive; and I am confident the account you have just now heard, of her death, is but an artifice. My indiscretions have reduced me nearly to beggary; but I will perish in confinement – cheerfully perish – rather than owe my affluence to one dishonourable action.

BLACKMAN

Grief has turned his brain.

MANLY

Sir George, I honour your feelings; and as for the feelings of these gentlemen, I am extremely happy, that it is in my power to dry up their tears, and calm all their sorrows.

SIR GEORGE

Sir!

BLACKMAN

How? In what way?

MANLY

(Going to the door where Willford and hisniece are.) Come forth, young lady, to the arms of a brother, and relieve the anguish of these mourners, who are lamenting your decease. (Eleanor and Willford enter) – Yes, Sir George, here is that sister, whom those gentlemen assure us, is dead; – and this is the brother of your father. – These are proofs, as convincing, I hope, as any Mr. Blackman can produce.

SIR GEORGE

She, my sister! Her pretended father my uncle too! (Aside) Blackman, you would have plunged me into an anguish I never knew before; you would have plunged me into shame.

BLUNTLY

And so you have me.

BLACKMAN

Pshaw. – Mr. Manly, notwithstanding you are these people's voucher, this appears but a scheme. – These persons are but adventurers, and may possibly have about them forgeries, such as an honest man, like myself, would shudder at.

MANLY[Going to the door.

Who's there? [Enter Servant.] Shew that – that Mr. Blackman, out of my house instantly; and take care you never admit him again.

BLACKMAN

Sir George, will you suffer this?

SIR GEORGE

Aye, and a great deal more.

BLUNTLY

Look'ee Blackman. – If you don't fall down upon your knees, and beg my pardon at the street door, for the trick you have put upon me, in assuring me my master's sister was really dead, and that I could do her no injury, by doing him a service – if you don't beg my pardon for this, I'll give you such an assault and battery as you never had to do with in your life.

BLACKMAN

Beat me – do, beat me – I'll thank you for beating me – I'd be beat every hour of the day, to recover damages.

[Exit with Bluntly.SIR GEORGE

My sister – with the sincerest joy I call you by that name – and while I thus embrace you, offer you a heart, that beats with all the pure and tender affection, which our kindred to each other claims. – In you (embracing his uncle) I behold my father; and experience an awful fear, mingled with my regard.

WILLFORD

Continue still that regard, and even that fear – these filial sentiments may prove important; and they shall ever be repaid with my paternal watchings, friendship, and love.

ELEANOR

My brother —

SIR GEORGE

I have been unworthy of you – I will be so no more, but imitate your excellence. Yet, when I reflect —

[Lady Caroline comes softly from theinner apartment, and attends to the discourse.ELEANOR

My brother, do not imagine —

SIR GEORGE

Leave me, leave me to all the agonies of my misconduct. – Where is my fortune? Now all irrecoverably gone – My last, my only resource is now to be paid to another – I have lost every thing.

LADY CAROLINE[Coming forward.

No, Sir George, nothing– since I possess all that was yours.

SIR GEORGE

How!

LADY CAROLINE

Behold a friend in your necessities – a mistress whom your misfortunes cannot drive away – but who, experiencing much of your unkindness, still loves you; and knowing your every folly, will still submit to honour, and obey you. I received your lavish presents, but to hoard them for you – made myself mistress of your fortune, but to return it to you – and with it, all my own.

SIR GEORGE

Can this be real? Can I be raised in one moment, from the depths of misery to unbounded happiness?

Enter ServantSERVANT

A young man, who says he is Mr. Willford's son, is called to enquire for him.

MANLY

Shew him in.

[Sir George and Lady Caroline retire to the back part of the stage. Enter HenryWILLFORD

Come, Henry, and take leave of your sister for ever.

HENRY

How so, sir? – What do you mean? To be parted from her, would be the utmost rigour of fortune.

MANLY

The affection with which you speak, young gentleman, seems to convey something beyond mere brotherly love.

WILLFORD

I some years since revealed to him she was not his sister.

ELEANOR

And he, some years since, implied it to me. Yet, in such doubtful terms, I knew not which of us had the sorrow not to be your child. – I now find it is myself – and I aver it to be a sorrow, for which, all the fortune I am going to possess will not repay me.

SIR GEORGE

Then, my dearest sister, indulge the hope you may yet be his daughter. This young man's merit deserves a reward, and in time he may learn to love you by a still nearer tie than that, you have so long known to exist between you; nay, even by a nearer tie than that of brother.

HENRY

I am in doubt of what I hear – Eleanor, since our short separation, there cannot surely have been any important discovery —

MANLY

Be not surprised – great discoveries, which we labour in vain for years to make, are frequently brought about in one lucky moment, without any labour at all.

SIR GEORGE

True – for till this day arose, I had passed every hour since my birth, without making one discovery to my advantage – while this short, but propitious morning, has discovered to me all my former folly – and discovered to me – how to be in future happy.

THE END

EPILOGUE,

By T. VAUGHAN, EsqSPOKEN BY MRS. KEMBLE"Long before the beginning of this Play,"I heard some deep ones in the Green-Room, say,They had their fears and doubts – whilst some did quake —And others wish'd it bed-time for her sake.

And with it, give a cordial of the best,To one, with deepest Gratitude imprest.For some there are – I have them in my eye —Will sicken and turn pale with jealousy,Whene'er we scribbling Women wield the Pen,Or dare invade the Rights of scribbling Men;And fir'd with zeal, in dread array appear —With Tenets from the learned Hemisphere;Thence cry (kind Souls) "Invention is the only Art,And mere Translation but a second Part;Besides —we Men of Taste– can ne'er withstandE'en Nature's Garrick thus at second Hand!Then why do Comic Writers live on Theft,When such Ragouts and Dainties still are left?Not richer were, in Congreve's days or Behn,For now, the Males are Females – Women, Men —Nay some so manly, and so orthodox,Will drive you four in Hand – or hold the Box;And if perchance the fatal Die is thrown,Will storm and swear, like any Lord in Town."But might I whisper in this Censor's ear,I'd prove his observations too severe —And urge – "Translation to hit off with skill,Is not the province of each common Quill;But by improving what was writ before,Tho' Genius may be less, our Judgment's more;And whilst we paint with energy from Life,The gallant Husband, or more gallant Wife,With Tints from living Portraits from the Spot,It matters not by whom related – or begot;And thus, much surer shall we reach the Heart,Than all the lifeless pomp of boasted Art."As such, deny her not – at least the meritOf giving Gallic Froth– true British Spirit.And as for you, ye Fair, how blooms the Cheek,How sweet the Temper which those eyes bespeak?No Midnight Oil has e'er destroy'd a Grace,Or Gaming's Horrors found with you a place;But Cupid lent you all those winning Arts,Which at a glance – can warm the coldest Hearts.Check then with me these Censors as unjust,Who form their judgments —as they live– on Trust.Nor ever credit what they dare to say,Unless with you they join, and like our Play.Use for a signal then – your Magic Fan,And all the House will follow to a Man;Or should there be a disaffected few —A Counter Revolution– rests with you.

1

Vide, Earl Camden's celebrated and Constitutional Speech and Opinion on the subject of Libels.