The Haunted Pajamas

"I say, Jenkins," I began carelessly, "there's some jolly saying or proverb – eh, you know?"

"Certainly, sir," responded Jenkins absently, for he was intensely concentrated on the selection of a scarf-pin.

I went on: "It's about – oh, don't you know – about when you've tried being engaged to one person and you don't like it, and you are thinking of being engaged to another – something of that sort, dash it – oh, you know!" And I wondered if it would be the sardonyx or the ruby, and hoped it would be the ruby.

"Mm-m-m," murmured Jenkins, blinking thoughtfully. "Let's see, sir – it ain't that one about the hair of the dog, is it?"

"Hair of the – Certainly not!" I exclaimed with indignation. "No, it's some jolly saw about being off with the old and on with – " I stalled.

"Off and on," came quickly from Jenkins; then he went back to his jolly pins.

"Maybe," I said, trying to think, "but there's something else about being on with the new – or being on to the new – Oh, yes, the devilish thing starts off: ''Tis well to be off' – um, off – Dash it, off what? You catch the idea, don't you?"

"Certainly, sir." He tried the ruby and sardonyx in turn against the silk and rejected both —he took a garnet. It wouldn't have been my taste, but then it wasn't my business, you know! His jolly old lips moved as he repeated something to himself; he rolled his eyes to the ceiling and cleared his throat – and then I knew he had it!

"I don't seem to remember it, sir – not precisely– h'm – but could it be this: ''Tis well to be off – '" He paused with finger on chin, rolling his eyes upward.

"Oh, dash it, yes!" I said disgustedly. "Why, I told you – "

He lifted his hand. "'Tis well to be off and on – '" And he stuck again, dash it! Then his lips worked some more and his face cleared. "Oh, here it is, sir —I've got it now! See if this ain't it:"

And he laid it off with his fingers the way a woman counts the words in a telegram to keep from going over ten:

"'Tis-well-to-be-off-and-on-with-the-old-love, but-don't-let-on-to-the-new' —there you are, sir!"

"By Jove!" I exclaimed, batting at him; and the brushes in my hands paused and pulled hard on each side of my part. "Oh, I say!" And I had him repeat it again.

The thing troubled me! Odd I had not more carefully noticed before the wording of the jolly thing! But then of course my interest in it had not been so dashed personal as now. Kept running in my head now and disturbing me all the while Jenkins was busying himself about me. And then, as if I didn't have quite enough already to try me, Jenkins at the last moment chucked the crimson scarf altogether, and slipped through my collar a Persian bat! By Jove, I was so dashed annoyed, I took it from him to tie myself.

"Off and on with the old love!" It kept whispering itself in my ear till I hardly knew what I was doing. Could it be that she would – but, oh, dash it, no! I knew she wouldn't! And yet another chap might come along and she might find she would rather be engaged to him! Oh, but I was sure she was not so variable as that. Still a vague fear kept recurring; a miserable, tiny, pricking doubt – the crumpled what's-its-name in the bed of down, you know – that sort of thing!

What the deuce was the best thing to do?

"Pardon, sir," came in Jenkins' voice, and in the glass I saw his head piking anxiously over my shoulder; "but I think with them changeable kind, the best thing to try for is a sudden, firm knot!"

"Eh?" I said, staring. And then I whirled upon him, seizing both his hands.

"By Jove, Jenkins!" I exclaimed admiringly. "What a perfectly out-and-out corking idea – a regular ripper, you know! How devilish clever of you, dash it!"

"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins batted a little – always does when I notice these little things – so modest, don't you know.

But I had the idea now, and I gripped it tight along with my monocle, as, ten minutes later, I sauntered down the stairs.

I would speak to her father at once!

CHAPTER XXIV

I SPEAK TO HER FATHER

"So glad to see you here, my boy," the judge was saying. And his little round face beamed at me across the library table. I had encountered him in the hall just as I had descended to rejoin the girls in the living-room. Forthwith, he elbowed me into the library.

"Know from Jack how glad you always are to escape girls," he remarked cheerily as he produced cigars. "Don't blame you at all – in fact, do you know it refreshes me to find – "

Don't know what dashed thing it refreshed him to find, for I never caught it. For just then through the doorway there floated, from across the hall, a bar of music – the laugh of the dearest girl in the world!

I strained for another bar.

"Hah!" ejaculated the judge, pausing with questioning uplift of cigar. "The silly cackle of those girls – it disturbs you. Yes, it does – I can see it – you look disturbed." And, dash it, he insisted upon closing the door. "You mustn't let them bother you while you are here," he urged pleasantly; "you must just go ahead and do the thing you want to do."

By Jove, there seemed little opportunity for it!

"Thanks awfully," I murmured feebly.

The judge proceeded genially: "Of course we all understand that you just came up to Wolhurst to please Jack." Then his face clouded. "H'm! Sorry to learn that he came home with another – " his eyes rolled through a circle – "er – is not feeling just fit. It's too bad, for I wanted some one to take you over the neighborhood – interesting landmarks, you know, reminiscent of Major André and Washington Irving."

"Charmed, I'm sure," I chirped up. Jolly lie, though, for I wasn't impressed; didn't know who the other fellow was, but I had seen Irving in London – scores of times. Not a patch on John Drew to my thinking!

The judge was murmuring something apologetic:

"So I can't go with you, myself, you see – but I know you will understand. Just so infernally tied up with preparation of rebuttal in suit the attorney-general is bringing against one of my corporations – most unreasonable thing you ever heard of!" The judge crossed his legs with a fling of impatience and pulled savagely at his cigar. "By George, Lightnut, we are getting to a pass with politics where party organization is going to the dogs – don't you think so, eh?"

"Oh, dash it, yes – rotten, you know!" I worked off indignantly – her father, don't you see! Sat wondering when I would get to see her – by Jove, they would have to let me see her at luncheon! I just caught back in time to get the end of a sentence:

"Utter defiance of personal obligations!" His hands spread eloquently. "Tell me what is the use of electing men to office, when they time-servingly yield before the clamor of the cursed populistic and revolutionary spirit of the times?" He was leaning toward me now, his jolly face swelling with indignation, his fist beating upon his knee. "What has become, Mr. Lightnut," he pounded, "of the time-honored sanctity of the 'gentleman's agreement' – eh? Where now the pact conventa?"

"Where?" I shrugged, and I let it go at that, pretending to be busied with a match; for dash me if I knew! Never had seen it even – in fact, didn't care a jolly hang if I never did, don't you know.

He went on hammering: "Here I've got to go and stultify myself, arguing against my own decision when I was on the bench!" He snorted. "It's perfectly abominable, sir – outrageous!"

And the judge hurled his little body back into the chair and furiously pumped himself into a cloud of smoke. He glared at me expectantly, and I knew I had to come up.

"Beastly bad form, you know!" I tried, sending a great funnel upward and frowning after it. Fact was, I never took any interest in political questions – dashed bore, you know. Wondered if he would spring them much when Frances and I were —

"Um – well, I should say so!" he grunted; and my jerk sent ashes all over me. But I saw that he was just mollified because I agreed with him. Best system, Pugsley says, is always to agree with everybody in politics – "humor 'em gently, just like children," were his exact words; "you know it really don't matter!"

"And now, let's see," resumed the judge, brightening. "I wonder who we can get to take you!" His fingers drummed together thoughtfully. "Um, of course, there is Francis – " my heart took a jolly leap – "but Francis is impossible —quite impossible!"

"By Jove, no!" I ejaculated eagerly, and I came up in my chair like a galvanized what's-its-name. "Just the thing – be delighted, you know."

He smiled grimly. "Natural you should say that, but – " He expectorated with deliberation, glowering at me as he did it. "No, sir!" His head shook with decision. "Wouldn't do – I wouldn't think of trusting you with Francis," he finished shortly.

"O!" Just a gasp, you know; and my jolly cheeks stung as from a dash of fiery what's-its-name sauce. So he knew about the pajamas, too!

I half rose from my chair.

"I – I assure you, sir – " I began stiffly.

His fussy shrug checked me. "No, no, we'll just have to wait till Jack gets up. The only thing I'm anxious about is the scenery and the view points; and I just know if Francis went with you, you would never see any of it."

By Jove, I thought that quite likely enough, but of course it was devilish personal of him to say so. And dash seeing the scenery and view points, anyway – who wanted to see them, if they could see her? I was just going to suggest this, when he went on:

"The fact is – " He hesitated, then flicked his ashes with a sigh. "Oh, well, since I've said as much as I have, I should go further, I suppose. It's only fair not to leave you in the dark, especially as my daughter was enthusiastically telling me just now" – puff – "that she already looks on you as one of the family."

"By Jove, did she though?" I hitched to the front of the chair. "How dev – I mean how – "

He nodded. "And so I feel justified in talking to you frankly – not that I want to prejudice you against Francis, you understand, but just because" – his head wagged soberly – "Francis won't do!" And he looked at me steadily.

Something like a sharp pain struck through me. Again – and this time from her own father! I just sat there kind of frozen, you know, except that I could feel the smile slowly loosening in my face. He moved to a seat nearer.

"I don't like to seem to be disparaging my own flesh and blood, Mr. Lightnut," he proceeded gravely, "but the truth is Francis is the only one of my children that gives me any anxiety."

"Oh!" I felt myself shrink together, my knees slanting away from him. My dashed monocle hung limp.

He angled closer. "Jack's drinking is bad – that I admit, but perhaps – h'm – he comes by it naturally; still Jack has never forgotten that he is a gentleman – the son of a gentleman – and has never been what you would call fast, but – " His chest lifted under a deep breath – "but Francis —whew!"

"Fast – Frances?" It faltered tremulously from my lips; my cigar dropped with a soft thud.

His eyes widened. "Oh, yes – frightfully!" And he tendered me another cigar, and I had to light it – he made me! "Of course, the mistake was in ever sending Francis away to school – not always a wise thing, Mr. Lightnut, especially when the home life has been too cloistered. I think the reaction was too much for one so green and inexperienced as Francis. And extravagance – my!" He lifted his hands. "I thought Jack was bad enough at Cambridge with a thousand-dollar apartment on the 'Gold Coast,' as you call it – and, by George, you Harvard men have got the right name for it! – but Francis beat that in one term's drain on me for poker losses and – "

"Poker?" I moistened my lips. Then I brightened, for perhaps he meant bridge – and that was good form, for there was my Aunt Julia, who lived by it – fact! But his head shook impatiently when I suggested that he meant this.

"Bridge!" he exploded. "Why, Francis doesn't know bridge from casino! Poker, I tell you, and faro – and all the rest. The plucking was done nightly at a certain – er – club, the establishment of a gentleman by the name of McGinty – 'Spot' McGinty – oh, you know the place, then?"

For I had gasped audibly. "Only – only by reputation," I responded hastily.

"Um, dare say it has got 'reputation,' all right. I guess, too, there are more crooked things than streets within a couple of miles of Harvard Square, eh? Why, do you know, Francis and a couple of classmates were caught in a raid there one night and lugged off to the station in a patrol – I had to bail 'em out by wire. That's how I know about the place." And, discriminatingly, he selected a fresh cigar and lighted it.

"You – you don't mean they were really arrested?" I faltered.

He nodded grimly through a funnel of smoke. "How could they help being? Why, dammit, they were too drunk to get away!" He settled in his seat with a scowl. "I can tell you it was all I could do to stave off expulsion!"

My jolly head spun. By Jove, Radcliffe girls must have moved on some since my day! Then they were coldly intellectual – went in strong for the earnest life, you know – the serious purpose existence – all that sort of thing. All of us looked on them with more or less awe – that is, except Smithers; he tried some intimate flirtations, one morning with a bunch in the Botanic Gardens and got stung. He said they were "prunes."

But Frances– and "Spot" McGinty's! Surely I had not heard aright.

I faced him earnestly. "I – er – Judge Billings, do I understand you – that is, it can't be that you are speaking of – er – Frances?" I stammered incredulously. "I mean your Frances – surely you are not!"

"I just am!" His jaw set with a snap. "Just who I'm talking about and nobody else, young man! I mean, my Francis – Francis Leslie Billings – who else could I mean?" He almost groaned. "Oh, you don't know Francis!"

Dash it, what they all chorused at me! They seemed pretty positive about it, too, and I was jolly miserable; but looking back now, I somehow think of that moment as being the point where I reached the parting of the what-you-call-'ems. Didn't know what to think, but knew I had to make up my mind right then and there – and for always, don't you know. Knew, of course, that it was just pure luck that Frances cared for me – realized jolly well I wasn't particularly clever and all that, you know; but she didn't seem to mind. It was then that it came to me all of a sudden that the only dashed thing in all the world that I could give her, that she didn't seem to have already from somebody, was – well just trust.

And, by Jove, as soon as I got hold of this perfectly corking idea, I knew I had it for life, and – well, nothing else mattered in all the world, you know!

Meantime, her father was studying me a little oddly and smiling.

"I see you don't quite like what I say about Francis," he remarked, puffing complacently.

I looked him straight in the eye. "Frankly, I don't, if you must know," I blurted. Then I screwed my monocle tight and straightened forward. "By Jove, I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself, you know!"

"Wh – what's that? —Lightnut!" He turned a beet color and grasped the arms of his chair.

"Oh, I do." I stood up and he followed. "I think if that poor child had had a little – er – forbearance and kindness – that sort of thing – oh, dash it, I just think you've been infernally harsh always – yes, I do!"

"Well, I'll be – " He swallowed it, neck forward, and stood panting a bit. "Harsh, eh?" he jerked at me. "Um!" He stood there, his feet braced apart, his white brows beetling at the floor. "Harsh!" He cocked his head on one side, thrusting out his heavy under-lip. Then came a sniff and a grunt, and oh, he looked black!

I was feeling devilish pale – you can, you know – and a little trembly from excitement. Wasn't quite sure what I had said, but knew jolly well I must have meant it, whatever it was. Knew, of course, that in another minute it would be his come-back and he would simply slay me. He would look at me coldly through his glasses, bow with dignity, and leave the room.

And then —

I wondered if Jenkins had a time-table!

And just then came a quick breath, and I caught a murmur: "I wonder now if, after all, that is true! By George, they say children and – " The mutter trailed off. "Here, here, my boy – sit down," he exclaimed suddenly; and he made me.

"I want to thank you, Lightnut," he said impressively. "It may be that you are right. Perhaps the better course would be gently to reason with Francis."

"Oh, Judge, I am sure of it," I urged feelingly.

"Well, well, my boy – we'll see." He patted me on the knee. "I'm going to try your way – by George, I'll do it to-night!" His eyes seemed to hold me with a more kindly and personal interest. "Do you know I can't tell you how glad I am that you find so much in Francis to like; indeed, I am delighted." Still studying me attentively, he musingly reached for a fresh light. "In point of fact, Lightnut, I am free to say I hope the intimacy begun between you two will grow closer. It would be a thundering good thing for Francis and a great comfort to me."

And, by Jove, he smiled at me – a devilish pleasant smile!

I sat up straight, uncrossed my legs and tried it over the other way. Awfully helpful dodge, you know, when you are under some mental agitation.

He was looking at me through his lashes as he drew the flame to his cigar, and I knew that now was the time for me to speak. He expected it – had deliberately given me an opening, and a prime one, and now – was waiting! Of course he couldn't know that I was so dashed inexperienced – unpractised, you know – in speaking to a girl's father and that I didn't even know the correct forms and usages. An out-and-out man of the world like Judge Billings just couldn't understand this, don't you know, and to have him suspect the truth – oh, it would have been too mortifying – too humiliating, dash it!

So I just leaned forward and made a go:

"Thanks awfully; and – er – by the way – " Then I stuck, boggled wildly an instant and went on: "That is to say, this intimacy, you know – has it been too short to justify – " I gulped. "Er – would you be willing to trust – " And I lost the dashed idea again, floundered a bit and took another shy: "Oh, I say, you know, have I your permission to speak to Frances – er —you know?"

"You speak to Francis?" – he just leaped toward me – "Why, my boy!" And he was wringing my arm with one hand while the other clasped my shoulder. "My de-e-ear boy – why, Lightnut!" By Jove, he almost gushed! "You're not joking now, are you?" He peered anxiously into my face. "No, by George, I believe you really mean it!" And he went to pumping like mad. "How awfully good of you —self-sacrificing is the word! Are you quite sure you don't mind?"

"Mind?" By Jove, I think I looked what I felt at such a dashed silly question.

"Well! well! well! My dear young friend!" And oh, he went on in the most disgusting way – why, dash it, you would have thought I was doing him some favor! I guessed, though, that it was the usual custom, but it seemed rum – for I should have thought that in giving your daughter away, you put the thanks up to the other fellow. But Pugsley says the rule varies – quite often varies! Anyhow, I felt so gratified that I had taken the honorable course and spoken to her father – understand so many do not at all, you know. As it was, it gave me quite a comfortable glow of pride, and I reflected how much better it always is to follow the wise dictates of your what's-its-name!

"By Jove!" I thought, as I nodded and smiled back, "I wonder what he would say if he knew that Frances and I are already engaged!"

CHAPTER XXV

THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP

Presently I got in a word:

"Then, Judge, I have your permission to speak to Frances?"

"Permission?" He lifted his hands and eyes. "You certainly have, my boy – don't I make it clear? Why, I'm simply delighted – and grateful – oh, so grateful to you!"

And, by Jove, he meant it – there was no mistaking his fervency! But it made me feel like a silly ass, you know. Custom or no custom, it just made me a bit nifty to think her father would speak this way. Might be good form, but it appeared rotten taste – lots of things seem that way, dash it! Suggested this to Pugsley once, but he was so devilish shocked couldn't eat his luncheon – wasn't able to fetch a dashed word for four hours!

"Why, Lightnut," he dropped to a chair, leaning forward, with shining eyes, "you can't possibly know what this means just at this time! Why, if you hadn't offered to speak to Francis, it's not likely that any one else ever would!"

"Judge!" I ejaculated, shocked.

"Who would want to?" And he grimaced horribly.

"Oh, I say now!" I protested warmly.

"My boy, I tell you I know – you don't!" He lifted his hand eloquently, deflecting the corners of his mouth – oh, such a way! "No, siree, I tell you there's not another living man would dare chance it!" He threw himself backward, puffing his cheeks at me and walling his eyes frightfully. "In fact, hereabouts – where Francis is known, there have been two men – only just two – who ever had the temerity to do it."

"Oh!" I commented. Wondered if one of these was the other chap she was engaged to.

He proceeded impressively: "One of these, my dear sir, was our rector – a most charming and venerable old man, now nearly eighty-three and partially paralyzed and deaf; lives a sweet, patient life all alone, you know, with no one in the world to care for him. Well, sir," he stiffened dramatically, leveling one finger at me, "do you think that Francis would even listen to him?"

Did I? Well, dash it, did I?

But I tried to mumble something polite.

"And then – " he puffed as he relighted his cigar, "there's Jack's chauffeur, you know."

"Eh, Jack's —what's that?" I gripped the arms of my chair.

"Yes," he nodded, "Jack's chauffeur. Oh, I was so disappointed at the result of his effort!" The old gentleman slipped back in his chair with a sigh. "Francis just swore at him, you know!"

"By Jove!" I managed to get out – and yet, somehow, I was devilish pleased about it.

"You see?" And he spread out his hands. "Absolutely no sense of appreciation, you observe; and it had seemed such a splendid chance! You see they had been so intimate – oh, are still, for that matter."

I caught my breath. "In – intimate!" I stammered. "You don't mean Frances and this chauffeur?"

"Oh, yes," carelessly, "Scoggins is all right; very superior young man for his position – fond of Francis, you know, and I really think has great influence." He puffed complacently an instant. "Fact is, they are always together when Francis is home" – puff – "motoring, boating, or else off somewhere camping together."

"Wha-at – what's that – not camping?" I looked at him aghast. "Oh, come now, Judge – really you don't mean that, do you – not camping together?"

I spoke excitedly, but he just stared at me with an expression of blank surprise.

"Eh? Why, certainly, my dear boy – for weeks at a time – and why not?" His shift manifested some impatience. "Pshaw, Lightnut," he growled, flicking his ash, "what's the odds – why be so particular? I don't mind!" He jammed his hands into his trousers pockets till it seemed he would go through them. "I tell you, I'm glad I'm democratic!"

"Oh!" I uttered, seeing a light.

So that was it! Well, in any case, I knew now that I was a republican, by Jove! Never did know before what I was and it was a devilish relief to find out. Half made up my mind, then and there, I would vote next election – never had, you know; few of our set ever did. Pugsley, for one, held it to be doubtful form.