The History of the Hen Fever. A Humorous Record

"My friend Durivage – who, as you are aware, is now in the Boston Custom-house, and whose opinion, consequently, isn't worth much – examined this family, and at once pronounced them hop-toads! But I don't mind his jokes. You must see them. They are beautiful creatures, and 'do live on air,' I assure you; I have seen them do it frequently, without changing color. Dr. Bennett, of Fort des Moines, has recently sent me a fine male porcupine, – a nice little fellow to handle, so long as you rub his feathers the right way, – which I purpose to cross upon my Chinese Mandarin sow, at a future day, for experiment. In addition to all these, I have, of fowls, the Mum-chums, Hong-Kongs, Whamphoas, Quittaquongs, Hoanghos, Brama-pooters, Damphules, Rocky-mountain-Indian-wharhoops, Nincompoops, etc., and an endless variety of white blackbirds, sleeping weasels, very fine mules (for breeding), fan-tail tumblers and tumbling fantails, no-woolled sheep, etc. etc., and so forth.

"The principal object of this communication, however, is not to particularize my stock, but rather to call attention to my new breed of Hogs, which I have lately imported; and of which I send you a striking likeness herewith. I call it the Chinese Mandarin Hog.

"The drawing of this very faithful and life-like picture – copies of which I have already forwarded to Punch, the Paris Charivari, etc. – was executed by Phizz; the engraving is by Quizz; the portraits are perfect.

"This breed of hogs is most extraordinary; and has been pronounced of great value for their beautiful model (see portrait), and easy fattening qualities. Their meat is also remarkably tender and fine-flavored, as can be proved by several gentlemen in this country, although this is the first hog of the kind ever brought here, and she is now alive! As you will note in the drawing, the head and face of these hogs (supposing it possible that another could be found on God's footstool of the same kind) very closely resemble an elephant; perfectly unique, and strikingly oriental in capital aspect. (Which, if you do not understand, I can only say is plain English, and I must again refer you to the picture.) There is another singular feature, you will probably have observed (allowing that you are somewhat acquainted with the ordinary formation of animals), and that is, that the trunk of this animal is upon the wrong extremity; but it answers, apparently, a very good purpose for a tail, as will be noted. True, the neck is longer than that of any hogs ever seen here, imparting a singular appearance; but it is a long lane that has no turn in it, and so n'importe on this point.

"This is the most prolific of the whole swine race. There never was one in America before, but this point is settled. She has eighteen dugs (see portrait), and learned doctors inform us that the number of dugs (teats) is always evidence of prolificness. The bodies of these hogs are like the white 'Berkshires' of England (admitting that the white and the black Berkshires have different-shaped bodies). In color, though not so spotted as the leopard, these hogs are beautifully striated, like polished alabaster and ebony, checkered and rounded (see drawing) most exquisitely, like a slice of mouldy sage cheese.

"P.S. Although I am now short – or shall be, in the spring – full eleven thousand pairs of pigs, from this sow (to fill present orders), yet I will undertake to furnish a few more to gentlemen who may fancy them, at the advanced price, – seven-and-sixpence per pair. (I have no boar of this breed, but that is immaterial.)

"N.B. I have frequently been asked to account for the singular facial appearance of this sow; but I can only do so, satisfactorily to myself, upon the theory of my friend Jacob, of old; that, at some time or other, her mother must have 'seen the elephant'!

"⁂The other figures in the accompanying drawing are likenesses, also from life, of my harmless and beautiful 'Bramerpootrers.' They are very fond of little children (see picture) and I send to my uncle William Porter, herewith, as a New Year's Gift to our mutual friend, Solon Robinson, a very fine sample, with the gentle hint that if he keeps his 'Hot Corn' as far out of this fellow's reach as it has thus far been out of mine, it will be perfectly safe.

"☞All orders for my famous 'Bramerpootrers,' or my imported 'Chinese Mandarin Hogs,' etc., must be put in water-proof condition, post-paid, endorsed by the collector of this port, and sent, by Adams & Co.'s Express, to Niagara Falls, until I conclude to remove to Salt Lake, Nebraska, or 'elsewhere,' of which due notice will be given (provided I don't decide to 'step out' between two days). Adios!

Yours,

"The Young 'Un.

"Boston, Jan., 1854."

Now, the above letter explains itself fairly, upon its face; yet – would it be believed? – I actually received four or five sober (I presume the writers were sober) letters of inquiry, relating to the "curious and remarkable Chinese Mandarin Hog in my possession," immediately after the above article appeared in the Spirit! Such are the knowledge and acquirements of "the people," in certain quarters, upon the subject of live stock!

CHAPTER XXXV.

"HOLD YOUR HORSES."

My competitors in the hen-trade, by this time, had got to be exceedingly active and zealous, though they rarely indulged in personalities towards me, at all. Generous, disinterested, liberal, kind-hearted, valiant men! Providence will reward you all, I have no doubt, some day or other!

The following article, which appeared in a "respectable" agricultural sheet (which, though I was solicited so to do, I neither subscribed for nor advertised in), I offer here as a sample of the puffs that were extended to me for five years, by the small-fry humbugs whom I rarely condescended to notice. This "elegant extract" appeared in a northern Farmer:

"We did suppose that the strait-jacket we fitted to this fellow (Burnham) would be worn by him, but it appears that, on reading our article relative to his movements in England in regard to Grey Shanghae fowls, he cast it off, and made an attempt to put us hors du combat, in his usual style.

"But we must say that his pretensions to being an 'importer' of these fowls, to having the 'original' stock, to being the importer of the fowls he sent to England, is the greatest deception that ever came under our observation. But this is only in character with the general transactions of the man. In his dealings generally he seems to have had no other object in view but to get all he could for his fowls, with no regard to their merits. This is shown by a letter of his, which we have in our possession, written in 1852 to Dr. Bennett, in which he uses the following language, in regard to fowls: 'Anything that will sell, – bah!'

"We will take the liberty to digress a moment, to make a few remarks on his penchant for the use of the expression 'bah!' which is his common habit in correspondence. When Burnham was a loafer at large, previous to his foul speculations, it is said that he was very fond of mutton; and as many a fat lamb was missed in the vicinity where he resided, it was more than suspected that he knew what became of them. Whether this be so or not, it seems that 'bah' is ever escaping from his lips, a judgment, as it were, for the alleged iniquity of disturbing the nocturnal peace of that quiet animal…

"Now, friend Burnham, do be civil and honest. Your having sold 'premium' Cochins all over the country, with the real 'premium' fowls in your own yard, will soon be forgotten, and you may yet be considered a clever, honest fellow; but you must stop pretending to be an 'importer' of fowls."

I was thus charged with putting my "friend" hors du combat, with lying generally, with sheep-stealing, with selling "premium" fowls over and over again, as well as with striving to get all I could for my poultry, – this last offence being the most heinous of all! But, as I lived (as I supposed I should) to see this cub and his allies on their knees to me (as I could show, if I desired to do so, now), I did not mind these first-rate notices. They were most decidedly of miner consideration in my esteem, when I thought how "the people" crowded around me to obtain eggs or samples of my famed "imported," "superior," "magnificent" and "never-to-be-too-much-lauded" pure-bred fowls!

In the official Report upon the first New York show, the Committee of Judges there state that, "though they have been governed by the nomenclature of the list, they by no means assent to it as a proper classification. Shanghae and Cochin-China are convertible terms, and Brahma Pootra is a name for a sub-variety of Shanghaes, of great size and beauty. White Calcuttas and Hong-Kongs were not on exhibition. Believing them to be inferior specimens of White and Black Shanghaes, it is likely that we would not have awarded them premiums, if found. In lieu thereof, we have assigned several additional second premiums for Brahma Shanghaes.

"For the sake of simplicity, we would recommend that all thorough-bred large Asiatic fowls be classed under the name of Shanghae, to be further designated by their color; and, inasmuch as these shows are intended not solely for the aggrandizement of breeders, but for the purpose of converting 'Henology' into a science, we would earnestly suggest that all ridiculous, unmeaning aliases be abandoned, and a simple, intelligible and truthful classification strictly observed." After quoting this, the writer above alluded to objects to the recommendation to call all Asiatic fowls Shanghaes, notwithstanding the action of the Committees of the National Society. He insists:

"This is a ridiculous affair, and we call on fowl-breeders to veto this nonsense at the outset. Just imagine what a ridiculous figure breeders would cut in calling their fowls 'Brahma Shanghaes,' 'Chittagong Shanghaes,' &c.! Why this desire to overturn established names? It arises from a prejudice against the name 'Brahma Pootra,' and a desire to put down that popular breed. Again: Who are the gentlemen who recommend such a course? Why don't they give their names? These 'recommendations' and 'resolutions' are no more the act of the National Poultry Society than of the Emperor of Russia! Where were the forty managers when the above 'resolution' was passed? We, as one, were not there; and we learn that not over three out of the entire number were present, and that the resolution was passed by outsiders, and, perhaps, influenced to do so by G.P. Burnham, of 'Grey Shanghae' notoriety."

This clown even "regrets that he did not attend this show;" as if it would have made a difference in the result! Well, well! – the impudence and ignorance of some people really astound us, at times! He says "some of the best Brahma Pootra fowls were entered 'Chittagongs.' Now, we declare emphatically that the desire on the part of certain breeders to class the Brahmas as identical with the Chittagong fowl is absurd; and we assert that no man can produce any evidence that the Brahmas are identical with Chittagongs, beyond the fact that many breeders have produced mongrels, by crossing Brahmas with Chittagongs, and now seek to amalgamate the two breeds."

Who ever wished to "produce any evidence" on this subject, pray? "The people" wanted fowls; they never sought for "evidence," man! The breeder who could "produce" fowls was the man to succeed in the hen-trade. As you never did this, and only bought and sold wretched mongrels, with long names, you never succeeded. And "the people" said, "Served you right!"

This sapient editor then declares that he "doubts the ability of any Poultry Society to maintain its existence permanently, for the reason that such societies will, sooner or later, degenerate into mere speculating cliques, and the premiums will become a matter of barter, or a matter of favor to particular men, like the operations of our government."

Is it possible! When did you discover this extraordinary and singular fact, my dear sir? Not until the close of the year 1854! After the cars had long since passed by, and the fun was over, effectually and forever, in this country. Your warning was valuable, indeed! The colt had left the stable, and you now come to fasten the door! O, chief of prophets in Henology! how much "the people" owe you for your advice and foresight in this hum!

This writer finally thus wriggles over the action of the "National" Society at New York, which knocked his "Bother'ems" on the head so effectually, substituting their true name (the "Grey Shanghaes") for this ridiculously assumed cognomen. He continues:

"The most absurd thing which came under our observation at the fair was the classification of certain fowls. There were the beautiful white Brahmas, with pencilled neck hackles, placed by the side of fowls of an owl or hawk color, and both classed 'Grey Shanghaes!' How long will a few old fogies thus stultify themselves? Many exhibitors were highly displeased with this absurdity. They who think that the name of Brahma fowls can be changed to 'Grey Shanghaes' have entirely mistaken their ability to make such an innovation. What did all the nonsense in the resolutions passed at the National Poultry Show in New York about the nomenclature of fowls effect? Just nothing at all."

Indeed! Didn't it? Is it possible? You don't say so! My dear friend, you have a great deal to learn yet; and I here advise you, affectionately and lovingly, and with an ardent desire for your present and future good, to – "hold your horses!"

CHAPTER XXXVI.

TRICKS OF THE TRADE

Poultry exhibitions had been or were now being held all over the country. In the New England States, in New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia, numerous fairs had come off, at which the customary competition among breeders of fancy poultry had been duly shown; and for a time, yet, out of Massachusetts, the fever still raged, though with comparative abatement.

It was now a common thing, and certain men were in the habit of visiting the express offices, and examining coops of fowls, and taking the names of the persons to whom they were directed, and then writing them that they would furnish such fowls at a much cheaper rate. This occurred, generally, while the stock was en route to its destination; but it never disturbed me.

Among the Rhode Islanders (who, by the way, generally speaking, have raised the best of all the Chinese varieties of fowls, for five years past) a feeling of desperate rivalry had grown up. At the Providence shows, many of the choicest specimens ever seen among us were exhibited and disposed of at high rates. But the management of the fairs there was not satisfactory to certain breeders, who, unfortunately, and naturally, drove rather "too slow coaches" to keep pace with a few of the leaders in the traffic there, as will be seen by the following exposé, which I find in the shape of an advertisement in the Woonsocket Patriot:

In a report published subsequently to this State Fair in Rhode Island, the Committee on Poultry at the exhibition held there in the fall of 1854 awarded their first premium to the chairman of the committee. The second premium was awarded to another man, who had just as good fowls, probably, but who wasn't smart enough to "keep up" with his competitor. The person who came out thus second-best, only, at once charged, through the public prints, that an attempt had been made by the chairman thus "to hoodwink the public" in their future purchases (which was very likely, because it was a very common matter). The injured party says, in his published "card," —

"No doubt Mr. C – was ready to grasp at the appointment as the committee, and he was progressing in the examination, when I remonstrated, and had two other men added to the committee with him, supposing that justice would then be administered to the parties concerned. But Mr. C – was determined to have the sole arrangement of the report, contending with the other two upwards of five hours, aggrandizing to himself the first premium, and then affixing to the committee's report the name of Mr. A – , instead of his own, to deceive the public, that he was not interested. Mr. C – intended that justice should not be done his competitor, by withholding his right as to the first premium; and I challenge him to an impartial exhibition of the poultry (although some of his number were borrowed), for the sum of one hundred dollars, to be decided by three disinterested men."

Another member of this committee then states that, "being one of the Committee on Poultry at the late State Fair, held in Providence, R.I., and having seen the report of the same, I feel it my duty to say that such was not the decision of the committee. Two were in favor of giving to – the first premium; as we could not agree, we decided to award a premium of twelve dollars to – , also the same to Mr. C – , provided each were represented equal in the report."

Now, this was a very trifling affair to trouble the public with, yet it shows "how the thing was done." Mr. C – had a happy way of "laying 'em all out," when I was not in the field. If the advertisements "to the public" were paid for duly (and I presume they were), I have no doubt the public are satisfied; and Mr. – , the injured party, must keep his eyes open tight, if he trains in company with experienced hen-men. This is but "a part of the system," man!

Now, as this sort of thing was of very common occurrence among the hucksters who kept the hen-trade alive, for years, this was in nowise a matter of astonishment to the "hard heads" in the business. The only wonder was that the man who performed this trifling trick did not carry out the dodge more effectually, and bear away all the premiums in a similar manner, as had been done by some of his smarter predecessors!

The editor of a New York journal undertook as follows to "inform the public" (in 1854) of a little performance in kind, which had been common for several years at these fairs where "premiums" were awarded, and which proved a very profitable mode of operation, almost from the very beginning of fowl-shows in the United States. In an article upon a recent exhibition, under the caption "How the Cards are Played," he says:

"A fowl-breeder, by extraordinary means, raises a few specimens of fowls of great size, which he takes to the exhibition; and, on the appearance and character of those few specimens, he contracts to furnish fowls and eggs of the 'same stock.' He goes home with his pockets full of orders, and with not a single fowl, for sale, in his possession at the time, and hastens to purchase of A, B and C, such fowls as he can find, say at $3, $5 to $10 a pair, which he sends to fill his orders at $20 to $50 a pair, and no nearer in value to the stock that appeared on exhibition than a turkey is to a turkey buzzard! The same of eggs. Now, there are exceptions to this allegation, but we know that such things are done, and we think that the public should be put on their guard."

There is no question about the accuracy of this statement. The writer says he "knows that such things were done;" and I feel sure that no man in New York State ever knew the details of this dodge so well as he did. It was a very common thing everywhere, however, among the hucksters. I had no occasion to resort to this plan; for the game we played was a deeper one, altogether.

There was a "live Yankee," all the way from Rhode Island, who attended the New York show, who took the boys down there after the following style, as appears from another advertisement, which I recently met with, and which feat is thus described by one of the sufferers. In a "card" published soon after that exhibition, this victim of misplaced confidence says, with a show of seeming injured innocence:

"Justice to the public, as well as myself, demands a slight explanation of a few facts connected with the recent National Poultry Show, in New York City.

"Mr. C – , of Woonsocket, R.I., accompanied me to New York for the purpose of attending the fair. On the fourth day of the exhibition it was announced that the judges were about to commence their labors. Mr. C – , seeing that his chance for a premium of any kind on Asiatic fowls was very slim, came to me and requested, nay, even insisted, on grounds of mutual friendship, that I should put my two best hens with a cock of his, for the purpose of taking the first premium. I finally consented, with the express understanding, and no other, that we should each share the honors and proceeds equally. On Friday it was announced, in the lecture-room, that he had taken the first premium on the best pair of Asiatic fowls, of whatever sub-variety. I went to him, at once, and expressed my dissatisfaction, and reminded him of his agreement. He then agreed to see the secretary and all the reporters, and publish, or cause to be published, a card, stating that I was equally entitled to the premium with himself, as the hens were raised by me; and he furthermore agreed that his name should not be mentioned or published, in relation to the premium, except in connection with my own. How was that agreement fulfilled? On taking up one of the New York dailies the next morning, I was surprised to see a puff laudatory of Mr. C – , while my name was not alluded to, – which puff, report says, was paid for with a rooster. On my return home, a few days afterwards, I found that he had volunteered to make the following assertions: 'Well, I have laid 'em all out. I took the first premium on everything, best pair and all, and I can beat the world.' When asked how it was done, he said, 'I will tell you, some time, how I played my card.'"

But Mr. C – , with that reserve and indifference peculiar to gentlemen in the hen-trade who have accomplished a "neat operation," did not see fit to explain the process, and hesitated to inform his "friend" how he played his card. And so the aggrieved party resorted to the newspaper, and come the "power of the press" upon Mr. C – , as follows:

"Mr. C – stated that my stock was 'mongrel,' and inferior. Whether it be so or not, is for the thousands and tens of thousands who saw them, while on exhibition, to judge. After selecting two of my best hens for Mr. C – 's especial benefit (as it appears), the committee even then saw fit to award me a premium, while his two coops of 'pure, full-blooded Asiatic fowls,' which he had cracked up so loud and extensively, did not receive, as I can learn, even a passing notice, except the old cock, which was put in the coop with my 'mongrel hens,' as he is pleased to call them. Perhaps the public would also be gratified to learn the manner in which he obtained the first premium at the recent Agricultural Fair in Providence, R.I. Was it not done by entering several coops of fowls, belonging to another person, in his own name, without that person's knowledge and consent, and pointing out those fowls to one or more of the judges, representing them as his own? No doubt the books of the society, and those of the railroad corporation which conveyed Mr. C – 's poultry to and from the fair, if compared, will throw some light upon the subject. Is not this the manner in which he has frequently played his card; or, in other words, 'laid 'em all out'? As I have always treated him as a gentleman, a neighbor and friend, to what cause can I impute this low, mean contemptible and underhand manner of exalting himself at my expense? I would advise him, in conclusion, to peruse Æsop's moral and instructive fable of the ambitious Jackdaw, and learn from that, that however well a course of deception and duplicity may at first prosper, the day of exposure and disgrace will come, and the ungainly Jackdaw, stripped of his ill-gotten plumage, will stand forth in all his native blackness and deformity."