Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

Elizabeth

Oh, yes. Mr. Darcy is uncommonly kind to Mr. Bingley and takes a prodigious deal of care of him.

Colonel Fitzwilliam

Care of him? Yes, I really believe Darcy does take care of him. From something he has told me, I have reason to think Bingley very much indebted to him. [Stopping.] But I ought to beg his pardon, for I have no right to suppose that Bingley was the person meant.

Elizabeth

[Curiously, and with ill-concealed anxiety.] What is it you mean?

Colonel Fitzwilliam

It is a circumstance which, of course, Darcy could not wish to be generally known, because if it were to get round to the lady's family it would be an unpleasant thing.

Elizabeth

You may depend upon my not mentioning it.

Colonel Fitzwilliam

And, remember, that I haven't much reason for supposing it to be Bingley. What he told me was merely this: that he congratulated himself on having lately saved a friend from the inconveniences of a most imprudent marriage, but without names or any other particulars, and I only suspected it to be Bingley from believing him to be the kind of young man to get into a scrape of that sort.

Elizabeth

[Trying to suppress her feeling.] Did Mr. Darcy give you his reasons for this interference?

Colonel Fitzwilliam

I understood that there were some very strong objections against the lady.

Elizabeth

Indeed! [Trying to speak calmly.] And what arts did he use to separate them?

Colonel Fitzwilliam

[Smiling.] He did not talk to me of his own arts. He only told me, what I have now told you.

Elizabeth

Why was your cousin to be the judge?

Colonel Fitzwilliam

You are rather disposed to call his interference officious?

Elizabeth

[Growing excited.] I do not see what right Mr. Darcy had to decide on the propriety of his friend's inclination; why, upon his own judgment alone, Mr. Darcy was to determine in what manner his friend was to be happy. [Recovering herself.] But as we know none of the particulars, it is not fair to condemn him. It is not to be supposed that there was much affection in the case.

Colonel Fitzwilliam

That is not an unnatural surmise, and I believe Darcy told me that he did not think that the lady, at least, was very deeply concerned in the matter. However, to lessen the affection on either side is to lessen the honour of my cousin's triumph very sadly.

Elizabeth

Your cousin's triumph —

[Greatly excited, she is about to continue, when Charlotte's voice is heard outside.]

Charlotte

Yes, Mr. Darcy, I think I saw Colonel Fitzwilliam go up the garden path a few moments ago. [Protesting.] Oh, no, Mr. Darcy, you are too kind! Really —

Darcy

[Outside.] Pray, allow me.

[Charlotte enters, accompanied by Darcy, who is carrying a basket of eggs. She wears a garden hat and gloves.]

Charlotte

Ah, here he is. Good morning, Colonel Fitzwilliam. [To Darcy.] Pray let me have the basket now, Mr. Darcy. [Darcy gives Charlotte the basket, and then turns to Elizabeth.]

Darcy

Good morning, Miss Bennet. [Elizabeth returns Darcy's greeting with a self-consciousness which does not escape his notice, but the motive of which he mistakes. Darcy gives a quick glance from Elizabeth to Colonel Fitzwilliam, as he turns to speak to the latter.] Ah, Fitzwilliam, I thought I might find you here.

Colonel Fitzwilliam

[Lightly.] Yes, I have been so fortunate as to secure some of Mrs. Collins's early roses for Miss Bennet.

Charlotte

[In surprise.] Really! Have they already opened?

Elizabeth

[Who has by this time recovered her self-possession.] A very few of them. But Colonel Fitzwilliam was obliged to climb very near to the sun to get me these. [She looks admiringly upon the flowers as she speaks.]

Colonel Fitzwilliam

[Showing the rose which Elizabeth has given him.]

And you see I have my reward.

Darcy

[Smiling faintly.] Colonel Fitzwilliam might not have won his prize so easily, Miss Bennet, had there been others in the field.

Elizabeth

Ah, no, Mr. Darcy, I cannot lessen Colonel Fitzwilliam's achievement by admitting any such possibility.

Colonel Fitzwilliam

[Gallantly.] Thank you, Miss Bennet!

[Darcy turns away with an unconscious look of chagrin.]

Charlotte

Well, surely, my roses will have to bloom their prettiest this season in return for all the attention they have received. [To the young men.] Will not you be seated, gentlemen?

Darcy

[Tartly.] Thanks, no, Mrs. Collins; I merely stopped for Colonel Fitzwilliam; but perhaps his rose-gathering has caused him to abandon our project of taking a walk together this morning.

Colonel Fitzwilliam

By no means, Darcy, that pleasure has only been deferred.

Darcy

Very good then. We will go at once, if Mrs. Collins and Miss Bennet will pardon me this hasty call.

Charlotte

Certainly, Mr. Darcy! [Elizabeth also, absent-mindedly, murmurs her assent, for which Darcy lingers with vague uneasiness before departing with Fitzwilliam. Charlotte looks at Elizabeth curiously, then calls to the little maid, who enters.]

Charlotte

Martha – take these eggs to the pantry. Do not disturb them.

Martha

Very well, ma'am.

[She curtsies and goes out.]

Charlotte

[Taking off her hat and gloves.] Now, Eliza, we must get to our work and have a comfortable chat. You have been here nearly two weeks and we really haven't had a good talk yet.

Elizabeth

[Getting out her embroidery.] Yes, you promised me a quiet visit, Charlotte. But I find you are more lively here than we are at Longbourn.

[The two ladies sit at the table with their embroidery.]

Charlotte

But how could I have anticipated the arrival here of two very attentive young gentlemen? [Smiling at Elizabeth.] It is really quite a surprising coincidence, or else Mr. Darcy has timed his visit to his aunt very cleverly. As to these daily visits to the parsonage – you may be sure I do not take to myself the credit of them. Neither of these young gentlemen would ever come so often to see me. I have to thank you, Eliza, for this civility.

Elizabeth

[With a little temper.] You may thank a lack of occupation on their part. You know very well my opinion of Mr. Darcy!

Charlotte

Yes. You have often expressed it. I wish I were as well informed of Mr. Darcy's opinion of Eliza.

Elizabeth

When you know the one, you know the other. They are identical.

Charlotte

Well, perhaps under the circumstances, that is the most satisfactory condition of things. And do we hold the same opinion of Colonel Fitzwilliam?

Elizabeth

[Tossing her head.] Oh, Colonel Fitzwilliam!

Charlotte

[Looking at Elizabeth sharply, and after a short silence.] And so Jane is once more at home after her visit in London, and Lydia has gone to Brighton after all. How did she ever manage to persuade your father?

Elizabeth

Oh, Lydia was so determined upon it that she and mamma gave my father no peace till they had teased him to consent. But I am very sorry. Lydia is too foolish, too ignorant and wilful to be trusted away from home. I only hope that no harm will come of it.

Charlotte

And is Mr. Wickham still with the regiment?

Elizabeth

Yes, he went with it to Brighton.

Charlotte

I hear that he is thinking of marrying Miss King, since she has just received a legacy of ten thousand pounds. I should be sorry to think that our friend was mercenary.

Elizabeth

A man in distressed circumstances has not time for all those elegant decorums which other people may observe. If Miss King does not object to it, why should we?

Charlotte

Her not objecting does not justify – him.

Elizabeth

[Emphatically.] Well, have it as you choose. He shall be mercenary, and she shall be foolish! Mr. Wickham's worst fault, after all, is his power of being agreeable. Thank heaven, we both of us know some men who haven't one agreeable quality. Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing!

Charlotte

[Smiling.] Well, well, Eliza! That speech savours a little of – disappointment.

Elizabeth

Oh, yes – anything you please!

Charlotte

[Changing the subject.] And you say that Jane is not in her usual spirits?

Elizabeth

[Shortly.] Yes.

Charlotte

And she is looking poorly?

Elizabeth

[Still more shortly.] Yes – very!

Charlotte

Did she see much of the Bingleys in London?

Elizabeth

[Bursting out hotly.] She saw nothing of them. Oh, Charlotte, I have just had all my suspicions verified.

Charlotte

Your suspicions?

Elizabeth

Yes, there has been an arrangement in all this. Mr. Bingley has been kept away from Jane by – [Stops suddenly.]

Charlotte

[Looks up curiously, then speaks quickly.] Don't imagine any such nonsense, Eliza. A young man like Mr. Bingley so easily falls in love with a pretty girl for a few weeks – and, when accident separates them, so easily forgets her, that this sort of inconstancy is very frequent.

Elizabeth

We do not suffer from accident, Charlotte. A young man of independent fortune does not suddenly decide of his own free will to think no more of a girl with whom he was violently in love.

Charlotte

But were they so violently in love?

Elizabeth

Yes – I never saw a more promising inclination. Why, Mr. Bingley would talk to no one else – would look at no one else. Is not general incivility the very essence of love?

Charlotte

[Smiling.] It is usually a good test. But if Jane did not return his affection – It really did not seem to me that there was anything violent in Jane's attitude. I could never see that she showed any extreme affection for Bingley.

Elizabeth

[Hotly.] Well, I know that Jane was very much in love with him, and that she showed her affection as much as her nature would allow. If Bingley didn't see it he must have been a simpleton. No – the real trouble was that Jane didn't see him often enough, perhaps, to make her understand his character.

Charlotte

Oh, if Jane were married to Bingley to-morrow, I should think she had as good a chance of happiness as if she were studying him for a twelve-month. It is far better to know as little as possible of the person with whom you are to pass your life.

Elizabeth

[Demurely.] In some cases that is undoubtedly true.

Mr. Collins

[Appears at the garden door. He wears a wide-brimmed hat and carries a hoe – also a large basket. He looks in.] Ah! A very charming domestic picture! [Taking a bunch of radishes from the basket, he speaks to Charlotte.] My dear, I have found some fine early radishes. I thought it would be a graceful attention on your part to send some of these to Miss de Bourg. [He sits upon the chair near the doorway.]

Charlotte

I fear the apothecary might object.

Mr. Collins

True – they might not be suitable, but [Looking at them proudly.] they are very fine radishes. [To Elizabeth.] Miss Elizabeth, I am very successful in my gardening. I consider the work I do in my garden to be one of my most respectable pleasures. Lady Catherine is always ready to encourage me in it, and my dear Charlotte is ever willing that I should leave her side for the sake of this healthful exercise. [Looking at the radishes again.] It is, indeed, a pity that Miss de Bourg is not well enough to enjoy them. My dear Charlotte has doubtless told you, Miss Elizabeth, of the alliance which is in prospect between Miss de Bourg and Mr. Darcy. This extreme delicacy of constitution would seem to be the only bar to their happiness.

Elizabeth

Yes, Charlotte has told me that Miss de Bourg is sickly. She will make Mr. Darcy a very proper wife.

[Charlotte looks anxiously at Mr. Collins as Elizabeth says this, but he is gazing out of the door and does not seem to notice the remark.]

Mr. Collins

I hope you are pleased with Kent, Miss Elizabeth.

Elizabeth

Very much, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins

I do not think the kingdom can boast a grander scene than the one now spread before our eyes: [Pointing.] This garden – that park with Rosings in the distance. Do not you think my dear Charlotte is most fortunately placed, Miss Elizabeth?

Elizabeth

Most fortunately, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins

And when you have seen Lady Catherine, you will be more deeply impressed, I am sure. We can hardly expect her to call upon you. This illness of Miss de Bourg would prevent it, and in any case it would be an act of extreme condescension on her part; but I am quite confident that you will receive an invitation to drink tea of a Sunday evening with her, after Mr. Darcy and his cousin are gone, of course. And – we may later have an invitation to dinner – although I would not for the world arouse in you false hopes which may be shattered.

Martha

[Enters in great excitement.] Oh, Mrs. Collins! Lady Catherine's carriage is turning into the lane and she is in it!

Mr. Collins

[Rising in great excitement.] Lady Catherine – at this hour! What amazing condescension! [He turns in a helpless manner to Charlotte.] But, my dear, I am quite unprepared. My habiliments – I would not be wanting in respect. – What shall I do?

Charlotte

[Hurriedly putting up her work and giving her hat and gloves to the maid.] Go make yourself ready, Mr. Collins. We will do the same. [Charlotte pushes Mr. Collins gently toward the door.]

Mr. Collins

[Protesting.] Yes – yes! But this implement —

[He holds out the hoe.]

Charlotte

Give it to Martha!

[Mr. Collins hastily gives the hoe to the maid and then goes out. He instantly returns, however, and again appeals in distressed tones to his wife.]

Mr. Collins

[Holding out the basket.] And these radishes, my dear?

Charlotte

Martha, take the radishes from Mr. Collins.

Martha

Yes, ma'am.

[The maid tries to hold at once – basket, hoe, hat, and gloves, as she stands in a corner, open-mouthed.]

Mr. Collins

[Again emerging from the door.] Do not make yourself uneasy about your own apparel, Miss Elizabeth; Lady Catherine is far from requiring that elegance in us which becomes herself and daughter – I —

Charlotte

[Impatiently.] Oh, do go, Mr. Collins! Lady Catherine will be here in an instant!

[She shuts the door on Mr. Collins.]

Elizabeth

[Greatly amused at all this excitement.] Are you going to make any change in your dress, Charlotte? Do you wish me to do so?

Charlotte

Well, Eliza, if you wouldn't mind, I should like you to put on your sprigged muslin. In spite of what Mr. Collins says, I know it would please him. I have no time to change. Is my cap straight? Oh, here she is. [To the maid, who stands staring, with her arms full.] Why, Martha! Are you still there? Go! Go! [She bustles the maid out of one door, then runs to the other, calling her husband.] Mr. Collins! Mr. Collins!

[She then rushes into the garden, followed immediately by Mr. Collins in the same state of excitement. Elizabeth, as she looks after them, is convulsed with laughter.]

Elizabeth

So, at last – her high and only mightiness! No tremors, Elizabeth! Now is the time for all your courage. [She runs laughing out of the room.]

[Sounds of voices are heard, and Lady Catherine appears escorted up the path by Charlotte and Collins.]

Lady Catherine

[As she reaches the door.] You keep too many hens, Mrs. Collins. There is just a certain number which are profitable – beyond that there is waste. [Lady Catherine sits on the sofa.] A clergyman's wife should set an example of thrift. You should have asked my advice.

Mr. Collins

Mrs. Collins will in the future regulate her poultry-yard according to your directions, Lady Catherine, if you will be so condescending as to give them.

Charlotte

Yes, thank you, Lady Catherine.

Mr. Collins

Will your Ladyship not take some refreshment?

Charlotte

Oh, yes – let me fetch you a cup of tea?

Lady Catherine

No, no – I wish nothing. [To Mr. Collins.] But you may go, Mr. Collins, and see if Jones is walking the horses up and down. I do not trust Jones.

Mr. Collins

With great pleasure, your Ladyship. [Mr. Collins goes out.]

Lady Catherine

[To Charlotte.] I thought you had a visitor, Mrs. Collins.

Charlotte

Yes, your Ladyship – I have. It is my friend, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She is a cousin of Mr. Collins and a neighbour of ours in Hertfordshire.

Lady Catherine

I have heard about her. Fitzwilliam says she is a very genteel, pretty kind of girl.

Charlotte

[Pleased.] Indeed she is, Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine

Well, where is she?

Charlotte

She has gone to make a little change in her dress, before presenting herself to your Ladyship.

Lady Catherine

Oh! very proper – very proper!

Charlotte

I am delighted to hear that Miss de Bourg is better, Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine

Yes, thank you. She is very greatly improved. [After a slight pause, with impatience.] Well, Miss Bennet takes her time!

Charlotte

[Anxiously.] I am sure she will be here in a moment. [Elizabeth enters.] Oh, here she is. [Presenting Elizabeth.] Lady Catherine, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. [Elizabeth curtsies.]

Lady Catherine

[Without leaving her seat, looks Elizabeth over from head to foot.] Oh, how do you do, Miss Bennet. You are younger than I thought!

Elizabeth

[Smiling.] Indeed?

Lady Catherine

You know my nephew, Mr. Darcy?

Elizabeth

Yes, I met him in Hertfordshire.

Lady Catherine

Humph! And you know Colonel Fitzwilliam?

Elizabeth

I have only met Colonel Fitzwilliam since coming here.

Lady Catherine

Humph! Has your governess left you?

Elizabeth

[Half laughs.] My sisters and I have never had a governess, Madam.

Lady Catherine

No governess! I never heard of such a thing! Your mother must have been quite a slave to your education.

Elizabeth

[Smiling.] I assure you she was not, Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine

Then who taught you? Without a governess you must have been neglected.

Elizabeth

Such of us as wished to learn, never wanted the means, Madam.

Lady Catherine

Well, if I had known your mother, I should have advised her most strenuously to engage a governess. I should have seen to it myself. [To Charlotte.] Go on with your work, Mrs. Collins. A clergyman's wife should set an example of industry. [Looking at Charlotte's embroidery with disapproval.] I will send you some more of the parish petticoats to hem, Mrs. Collins. [To Elizabeth.] Go on with your work, Miss Bennet. Young ladies should never be idle. [Both Elizabeth and Charlotte go on with their embroidery. Looking hard at Elizabeth.] Pray what is your age, Miss Bennet?

Elizabeth

I am not one and twenty.

Lady Catherine

You have sisters, have not you?

Elizabeth

Yes, Madam.

Lady Catherine

Are any of them out?

Elizabeth

All, Madam.

Lady Catherine

What! All out at once? Very odd! Out before the oldest is married!

Elizabeth

Really, Madam, I think it would be very hard on the younger sisters not to have their share of society because the eldest one does not happen to be married. That would hardly be likely to promote sisterly affection, or delicacy of mind.

Lady Catherine

Upon my word, you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person! Your sisters may be married before you. You must not be too ambitious. A good many young girls have lost their chances through being too ambitious. [Looking at a large picture on the wall and then pointing to it.] Mrs. Collins, I suppose you have shown Miss Bennet this print of Pemberley – Mr. Darcy's place?

Charlotte

Yes, Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine

[Complacently.] Pemberley is one of the finest places in England. My daughter Anne is very fond of it, which is fortunate, since she will probably spend the most of her life there.

Charlotte

Most fortunate, your Ladyship.

Lady Catherine

[To Elizabeth.] You see my nephews here often, Miss Bennet?

Elizabeth

[Mischievously.] Yes, very often, Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine

Humph! Well, idle young gentlemen often make very foolish use of their time. My daughter, Miss de Bourg, is unfortunately not able to accompany Mr. Darcy in his walks as often as both of them could desire.

Mr. Collins

[Entering.] I think your Ladyship's mind may be quite at rest about the horses. Jones seems to have them well in hand.

Lady Catherine

Oh, I am glad you have come back, Mr. Collins. I am going to ask you and Mrs. Collins to go and see the new cottages with me. I shall take you in the carriage. [To Charlotte.] You had better put on a plain bonnet, Mrs. Collins.

Charlotte

By all means, your Ladyship. [She goes out.]

Lady Catherine

Are you quite ready to go, Mr. Collins?

Mr. Collins

Oh – assuredly, your Ladyship – quite!

Lady Catherine

[To Elizabeth.] Miss Bennet, I should advise you to write to your family while we are gone. [Charlotte returns in her bonnet and mantle. Lady Catherine looks her over.] Yes, that will do very well!

Charlotte

[To Elizabeth.] We shall not be gone very long, Eliza.

Lady Catherine

I am not sure of that, Mrs. Collins, but I have provided an occupation for Miss Bennet during our absence. Good morning, Miss Bennet. I may ask you later for dinner.

Elizabeth

[Curtsying.] Good morning, Madam. [All go out, Mr. Collins showing servile attentions to Lady Catherine. Elizabeth watches them from the door.] Really! I might have spared myself some of the mortifications I have felt for the shortcomings of my own family. The contrast is not such a violent one after all. [Looking at the writing desk.] However, Lady Catherine can give good advice. I really ought to write to my poor, dear Jane.

[She seats herself at the writing table – gets out her paper, etc. and begins her letter when the door-bell sounds. Elizabeth starts and is putting away the writing materials, when the maid ushers in Mr. Darcy, who seems much excited.]

Darcy

I am here again, Miss Bennet. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Collins drive away with my aunt. I have something which I must say to you. [He walks excitedly up and down for a moment, while Elizabeth watches him in amazed silence. Then he suddenly goes up to her and begins to speak in an agitated manner.] Miss Bennet – in vain have I struggled! It will not do! My feelings will not be repressed! You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you!

Elizabeth

[Is perfectly astounded. She stares, colours, doubts, and is silent.]

Darcy

[Taking her silence for encouragement.] Miss Bennet, I can well understand your own astonishment at this declaration, for I am amazed at myself! My feeling for you has taken possession of me against my will, my reason, and almost against my character!

Elizabeth

[Starting in indignation.] Sir!

Darcy

Oh, understand me, I beg of you! For yourself alone my admiration is only too natural. I share it with everyone who has the happiness of knowing you. But – pardon me – for it pains me to offend you – the defects of your nearest relations, the total lack of propriety so frequently betrayed by your family, has so opposed my judgment to my inclination, that it has required the utmost force of passion on my part to put them aside. But, my dear Miss Bennet, your triumph is complete. Your own loveliness stands out the fairer in its contrast to your surroundings, and I now hope that the strength of my love may have its reward in your acceptance of my hand.

Elizabeth

[Who has gone through all sorts of emotions during this speech, speaks, in a constrained manner as if trying to control herself.] Mr. Darcy – in such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. If I could feel gratitude I would now thank you. But I cannot. I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly.