Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

Mr. Collins

But I assure you, Madam —

[As they go out, Mrs. Bennet —looking daggers at Charlotte —tries to keep Mr. Collins with Jane.]

Mrs. Bennet

Lydia will find your book, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins

On no account, Madam —

[With awkward gallantry Mr. Collins ushers out the ladies– Lydia rebellious, Charlotte somewhat offended.]

Elizabeth

[With an amused smile, having watched the party vanish, turns to Jane and speaks to her in mock-heroic fashion.] Miss Bennet! Do you realise the honour which is so soon to fall upon our humble home, and our gratefully humble selves?

Jane

[Smiling.] Oh, Lizzy!

Elizabeth

Do you really grasp in its full significance the fact that we may soon be honoured by a visit from Mr. Bingley of Netherfield and Mr. Fitzgerald Darcy, nephew of the Lady Catherine de Bourg?

Jane

Oh, Lizzy, Mr. Collins is a little pompous, but he seems a very well-meaning young man – indeed, sometimes quite agreeable.

Elizabeth

[Looking quizzically, but affectionately, at her sister.] No one can be anything but agreeable in the mind of our dear Jane. This time, however, I quite agree with you, I am as delighted as papa with Mr. Collins. I can see that his mixture of servility and importance promises well.

Jane

And I think Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy promise well. If the half of what our neighbours say is true, Mr. Bingley will give us all sorts of gaieties. [Slyly.] Who knows? We may find him as entertaining as Mr. Wickham.

Elizabeth

As Mr. Wickham? Then, dear Jane, we shall be rich indeed. [Counting on her fingers.] For hospitality – Mr. Bingley; for conversation – Mr. Wickham; for grandeur – Mr. Darcy, and the agreeable Mr. Collins!

Jane

Oh, Lizzy! Can not you let the poor man alone?

Elizabeth

With all my heart. I will gladly let him alone. You shall have him all to yourself. [Mischievously.] If only Mr. Collins knew your good opinion of him! But he is too modest to find it out for himself.

Jane

[Playfully pulling Elizabeth's ear.] You are a tease!

Harris

[Entering.] The two gentlemen from Netherfield have just brought their horses into the paddock, Madam.

Jane

Show them in, Harris, and speak to Mrs. Bennet at once.

[Harris bows and goes out.]

Jane

They have come soon, Lizzy. Really this is very civil in them.

Elizabeth

Uncommonly civil. Come with me, Jane. I must make myself tidy. Mud and dirty petticoats for Mr. Darcy! – Oh, that would never do.

[They run off, laughing. There is a short pause. Then Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy enter. The latter is very quiet, with an air of scornful hauteur. Bingley, on the contrary, has a gracious and animated manner. Harris ushers them in, much impressed.]

Bingley

[To Harris.] You will announce us to Mr. Bennet and the ladies.

[Harris goes out.]

Do you know, Darcy, I believe that was George Wickham we saw just now, going toward the Drake Farm.

Darcy

[Quietly.] I think there is no doubt of it.

Bingley

But what is he doing here?

Darcy

[With assumed indifference.] Probably it is his regiment which is stationed at Meryton.

Bingley

[Excitedly.] No, Darcy! You don't mean it! Why, confound it, if I had had any notion of that – I … I…

Darcy

[Contemptuously.] I don't think we need mind Wickham.

Bingley

But I do mind! To think that I should bring you into the neighbourhood of that rascal —

Darcy

He must live somewhere, I suppose.

Bingley

Yes, unfortunately. But, Darcy, you are a puzzle to me. – You are, indeed! How can you speak with any charity of a man who for years abused the patience and generous kindness of your father, and who so lately has attempted against your family the most dastardly action that —

Darcy

[Interrupting him with hauteur.] We have already said too much of George Wickham. I prefer not to discuss him further.

[Bingley turns away hurt and embarrassed. Darcy seeing the effect of his words and manner, goes to him kindly, and speaks to him in a changed voice.]

Bingley, I entirely understand your indignation. Indeed, I share it so fully that I dare not trust myself to think of the man's villainy. It is better that I say nothing of him, even to you.

BINGLEY

[Moved.] I am sure, I beg your pardon, Darcy.

Darcy

It is rather for me to ask yours.

[There follows an awkward pause, which Bingley at length breaks by speaking in a tone of forced gaiety.]

Bingley

Pretty place, this.

Darcy

[With a shrug.] Very small.

Bingley

What has the size to do with it? I think we are in luck to have such charming neighbours. You know we saw two of the young ladies going through the lane the other day. Why, Darcy, one of them is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld – and the other – the one with the dark eyes – she is uncommonly pretty. Don't you think so?

Darcy

She is tolerable, but fine eyes cannot change family connections.

Bingley

[Quickly.] What do you mean?

Darcy

I think I have heard you say that their uncle is an attorney in Meryton.

Bingley

[Shortly.] Yes.

Darcy

And that they have another in London who lives somewhere near Cheapside.

Bingley

[With irritation.] If they had uncles enough to fill all Cheapside, it wouldn't make them one jot less handsome.

Darcy

But it must materially lessen their chances of marrying men of any consideration in the world.

Bingley

Of marrying? You go fast, Darcy.

Darcy

Perhaps. But I am in no humour to give consequence to young ladies. I am here to please you, Bingley – and – [He smiles meaningly.] knowing your disposition, I think it is just as well that I came.

[Bingley is about to reply when the door opens and Mrs. Bennet enters, followed by Jane and Elizabeth. The two young men make ceremonious bows. Mrs. Bennet curtsies and then advances with delighted fussiness.]

Mrs. Bennet

Good morning, gentlemen. I am so sorry that Mr. Bennet has gone for his walk.

[As she looks a little puzzled from one to the other, Bingley advances.]

Bingley

Good morning, Mrs. Bennet. I am Mr. Bingley, your new neighbour at Netherfield. This is my friend, Mr. Darcy, of Pendleton, Derbyshire. [All bow and curtsy.] Mr. Bennet has been so kind as to call upon us, and we are most happy to have the honour of waiting upon the ladies of his family.

Mrs. Bennet

We are delighted to see you, I am sure! Mr. Bingley – Mr. Darcy – [Indicating Jane] – my eldest daughter, Miss Bennet. [Indicating Elizabeth] – Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

[The girls make low curtsies – the gentlemen bow.]

Will not you be seated, gentlemen? [The guests and ladies seat themselves.] I am sure you must like Netherfield, Mr. Bingley. I do not know a place in the country that is equal to Netherfield. You will not think of quitting it in a hurry, I hope, though you have but a short lease.

Bingley

Whatever I do is done in a hurry, Mrs. Bennet, and therefore if I should resolve to quit Netherfield I should probably be off in five minutes. At present, however, [looking intently at Jane] I consider myself as quite fixed here.

Jane

It is very pleasant to have Netherfield open once more, although you must both miss London. There is so much gaiety in London.

Darcy

Yes, in a country neighbourhood you move in a confined and unvarying society.

[Mrs. Bennet looks vexed at this speech.]

Elizabeth

But people themselves alter so much that there is something new to be observed in them forever.

[Darcy turns and looks at Elizabeth with surprise and interest.]

Bingley

Then you are a student of character, Miss Elizabeth. It must be an amusing study.

Mrs. Bennet

Yes, Lizzy always likes to watch people. [Looking at Darcy.] And there are plenty of people about, even if you do live in the country. The country is a vast deal pleasanter than London, is not it, Mr. Bingley?

Bingley

When I am in the country I never wish to leave it, and when I am in town it is pretty much the same. They have each their advantages and I am equally happy in either.

Mrs. Bennet

Ay – that is because you have the right disposition. [Looking at Darcy.] But that gentleman seemed to think the country was nothing at all.

Elizabeth

[Quickly.] Indeed, mamma, you are mistaken. You quite mistook Mr. Darcy. He only meant that there is not such a variety of people to be met with in the country as in town, which you must acknowledge to be true.

Mrs. Bennet

Certainly, my dear, nobody said there was – but as to not meeting with many people in this neighbourhood, I believe there are few neighbourhoods larger. I know we dine with four-and-twenty families.

[As all become embarrassed at this speech, Bingley comes to the rescue.]

Bingley

Yes, there are many fine estates hereabout. Can you see Sir William Lucas' place from the garden? I am not quite sure I have placed it.

Mrs. Bennet

Oh, yes, there is a fine view of the chimneys from the terrace. Sir William is our nearest neighbour. Such an agreeable man – so genteel, and so easy – [Rising, she goes toward the glass doors.] Come, Jane, we must show Mr. Bingley Sir William's chimneys.

[Mrs. Bennet, Bingley, and Jane go out upon the terrace.]

Elizabeth

[Smiling mischievously.] Would not you also like to see the chimneys, Mr. Darcy?

Darcy

Thank you. Like yourself, I prefer people to places.

Elizabeth

Did I say that?

Darcy

Not precisely. But I have drawn that conclusion.

Elizabeth

[Gathering her sewing materials, begins to embroider.] Well, I can laugh at people better than places, and I dearly love a laugh.

Darcy

Isn't that rather a dangerous trait, Miss Bennet? The wisest and the best of men may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke.

Elizabeth

Certainly. But I hope I never ridicule what is wise or good. Whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can. [Mischievously.] But these, I suppose, are precisely what you are without.

Darcy

Perhaps that is not possible for anyone. But it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule.

Elizabeth

And in your list of weaknesses do you include such faults as vanity and pride, for instance?

Darcy

Yes, vanity is a weakness, indeed, but pride, where there is a real superiority of mind – pride will be always under good regulation.

Elizabeth

I am perfectly convinced, Mr. Darcy, that you have no defect.

Darcy

I have made no such pretension, Miss Bennet. I have faults enough. My temper I dare not vouch for. I cannot forget the follies and vices of others against myself. My good opinion once lost is lost forever.

Elizabeth

That is a failing, indeed. Implacable resentment is a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot laugh at it. You are safe from me.

Darcy

There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil – a natural defect which not even the best education can overcome.

Elizabeth

And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.

Darcy

[Smiling.] And yours to wilfully misunderstand them.

[Voices are heard outside. Elizabeth applies herself to her embroidery. Bingley, Jane, and Mrs. Bennet return from the terrace.]

Bingley

The surrounding country is really charming, Mrs. Bennet.

Mrs. Bennet

We think so. But you must give us a ball at Netherfield, Mr. Bingley, and then you will see that some of the people who live here are worth knowing.

Elizabeth

[Distressed.] Oh, mamma!

Jane

Mamma!

Bingley

Certainly, Mrs. Bennet. I had already decided upon it. I told Mr. Darcy only yesterday that as soon as my sister, Miss Bingley, arrived, and Nicholas could make white soup enough, I should send out my cards. Did not I, Darcy?

Darcy

[Very stiffly.] I believe you did.

Mrs. Bennet

Well, that is vastly good in you, Mr. Bingley; and then, perhaps, your friend may change his mind about the country. [To Darcy.] You didn't come to admire Sir William's chimneys, Mr. Darcy.

Darcy

I was admiring your daughter's work, Madam.

Mrs. Bennet

Oh, you should see Jane's work. Lizzy is all for books, like her father. She is a great reader and has no pleasure in anything else. Jane, show your embroidered parrot to Mr. Bingley.

Jane

I do not think Mr. Bingley would be interested, ma'am.

Bingley

[Eagerly.] Oh, indeed, I should, Miss Bennet; I am very much interested in parrots. – Pray show it to me.

Mrs. Bennet

Yes, and the new hand-screen. I will find it for you.

[All three withdraw, leaving Elizabeth and Darcy together.]

Darcy

And so you are a great reader and take no pleasure in anything else?

Elizabeth

Mamma does not understand. I deserve neither such praise nor such censure. I am not a great reader, and I have pleasure in many things.

Darcy

So I should have thought.

Bingley

[Looking at the screen which he holds in his hand.]

It is amazing to me how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they are; to think how you all paint tables and cover screens and net purses. It is quite wonderful.

Elizabeth

Do you agree with your friend, Mr. Darcy?

Darcy

His list of the common extent of accomplishments has too much truth. But I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen young ladies in the whole range of my acquaintance that are really accomplished.

Elizabeth

Then you must comprehend a great deal in your idea of an accomplished woman.

Darcy

Perhaps. To deserve the word, a woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages. She must also possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking – the tone of her voice – her address and expression, and to all this she must yet add something more substantial – [With a little bow to Elizabeth.] in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.

Elizabeth

[Laughing.] I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women! I rather wonder at your knowing any.

Harris

[Enters and announces.] Colonel Forster and Mr. Wickham.

[The gentlemen enter, smiling.]

Wickham

Here I am again, Mrs. Bennet. I found that Colonel Forster had a message for the young ladies.

Mrs. Bennet

I am delighted to see you. You are just in time to meet our new neighbours. [Introducing the gentlemen.] Colonel Forster, Mr. Wickham – Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy.

[As the gentlemen enter, Mr. Darcy has his back turned to them in conversation with Elizabeth. At the sound of Wickham's voice he starts and turns so that he faces the latter just in time for the introduction. At sight of Darcy, Wickham starts and is greatly confused. Darcy stiffens and scarcely nods when Wickham is introduced. The whole situation is so marked that everyone looks on with an astonishment to which

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