Talkers: With Illustrations

“O, yes,” he replied in a sort of careless way; “I know what he sent it for – that he may get my vote at the next election of town councillors. I can see through it.”

“Did not Mr. Shakleton call at your house the other day? and were you not pleased to see him?”

“So far as that goes, I was pleased; but I know what he called for; not to see me or mine. It is not worth saying, but I know.”

“Has not Mrs. Mount recently joined your church? She is an excellent lady, of very good means and intelligence. I should think you will value her acquisition to your number.”

“Well, as for that, I cannot say. I like persons to act from pure motives in all things, especially in religious. Don’t you know Mrs. Mount is a widow, and there is in our church that Squire Nance, a bachelor? I needn’t say any more.”

“The Rev. Mr. Wem has left our church and gone to a church in London.”

“Indeed! I was not aware of that, but I guess it is to obtain more salary.”

“How do you know that?”

“How do I know it? You may depend he wouldn’t have gone unless he could better himself.”

“My dear,” said Mrs. Park to her husband one evening as they were sitting alone, “Tom has gone with young Munster to the city, and will be back about ten o’clock.”

“What has he gone there for?” asked Mr. Park, rather sternly. “No good, I venture to say. You know the temptations that are in the city, and he is not so steady as we would like him to be.”

When Tom came home at ten o’clock, he had to endure a good deal of suspicious tongue-flagellation, which rather excited him to speak rashly in return.

“I do really think,” said Mrs. Lance, snappishly, to her servant one day, “you are guilty of picking and biting the things of the larder, besides other little tricks. Now, I do not allow such conduct. It is paltry and mean.”

Mrs. Lance had no ground for this utterance but her own suspicions. The servant, conscious of her integrity, became righteously angry, and gave notice to leave at once. So Mary left her suspicious mistress. She was not the first nor the sixth servant she had driven away by her suspicious talk in regard to the “larder,” the “cupboards,” the “drawers,” and the “wardrobe.”

Squire Nutt one day went a drive of twelve miles in the country to attend “a hunt dinner,” promising his wife that he would be home by eleven o’clock at night. This hour came, but no Squire. Twelve struck, and he had not returned. One struck, yea, even two, and no husband. Mrs. Nutt all this time was alone, watching for the Squire, and suspecting with a vivid imagination where he had gone, and what he was doing. At half-past two a sound of wheels was heard coming to the door, and in a few minutes the suspected husband entered the hall, and greeted his little wife with signs of affection. Instead of receiving him kindly in return, and waiting till the effects of the dinner had escaped before she called him to account, she began in a most furiously suspicious way to question him. “Where have you been all this time? Have you been round by Netley Hall? I know all about what you have been up to. This is a fine thing, this is, keeping me watching and waiting these hours, while you have been galavanting – ah! I know where.”

Thus, not within curtains, but within the hall, Mrs. Nutt gave her husband a “caudle” lecture, but with little effect upon him. She had nothing but groundless suspicion; he had the inward satisfaction of a good conscience on the points respecting which she suspected him.

As an illustration of another aspect of this talker we may take the friends who came to talk with Job in his troubles. His wife was bad enough in her utterances, but his “friends” were worse. Coleridge, in speaking of Satan taking away everything he had, but left his wife, says, —

“He took his honours, took his wealth,He took his children, took his health,His camels, horses, asses, cows,And the sly devil did not take his spouse.”

But his wife was kind and considerate to what his friends were. She spake as one of the “foolish women;” but his friends came as philosophers, the wise ones, to converse with him; and yet, when they spoke to him, they had nothing but suspicions and doubts to utter as to his sincerity, motives, and purity; told him not to plead innocence in his circumstances, but confess all with candour, and show that he had been a profound hypocrite, and that God had visited him with His sore judgments as a punishment for his sins; for they knew that all these things could not have come upon him if there had not been some “secret thing” with him.

Although Job sometimes spoke “unadvisedly with his lips” in reply to the unjustifiable suspicions of his “friends,” God stands on his side, and defends him in his rectitude and integrity. He rebukes with severity Bildad the Shuhite and his two companions, because of their uncharitable suspicions uttered against His servant. He was “angry” that they had not spoken truthfully “as His servant Job;” “and they were to go,” as one says, “to this servant Job to be prayed for, and eat humble pie, and a good large slice of it too (I should like to have seen their faces while they were munching it), else their leisurely and inhuman philosophy would have got them into a scrape.”

Suspicion in talking is a disposition which renders its subject unacceptable to others and unhappy in himself. Persons will have as little as possible to say to him or do with him, lest they fall under his ruling power; and this is what no one with self-respect cares to do. Who likes to have himself, in his motives and deeds, put through the crucible of his narrow, prickly, stingy soul? He cannot see an inch from himself to judge you by. He “measures your cloth by his yard,” and weighs your goods in his scales, and judges your colours through his spectacles; and of the justice and trueness of these nothing need be said.

“Suspicion overturns what confidence builds;And he that dares but doubt when there’s no ground,Is neither to himself nor others sound.”

The true remedy for suspicion in talking is more knowledge in the head and more love in the heart. As bats fly before the light, so suspicions before knowledge and love. Throw open the windows of the soul, and admit the truth. Be generous and noble in thoughts of others. Give credit for purity of intention and disinterestedness of motives. Build no fabric of fancies and surmises in the imagination without a solid basis. Be pure in yourself in all things. “The more virtuous any man is in himself,” says Cicero, “the less easily does he suspect others to be vicious.”

XXIX.

THE POETIC

“I begin shrewdly to suspect the young man of a terrible taint – poetry; with which idle disease, if he be infected, there is no hope of him in a state course.”

– Ben Jonson.

Scraps of poetry picked up from Burns, or Thomson, or Shakespeare, or Tennyson, are ready to hand for every occasion, so that you may calculate upon a piece, in or out of place, in course of conversation. If you will do the prose, rely upon it he will do the poetic, much to his own satisfaction, if not to your entertainment. In walking he will gently lay his finger on your shoulder, saying, as he gathers up his recollection, and raising his head, “Hear what my favourite poet says upon the subject.”

Sometimes the poetic afflatus falls upon him as he converses, and he will impromptu favour you with an original effusion of rhyme or blank verse, much to the strengthening of his self-complacency, and to the gratification of your sense of the ludicrous.

Talking with Mr. Smythe, a young student, some time ago, I found he was so full of poetic quotations that I began to think whether all his lessons at college had not consisted in the learning of odds and ends from “Gems” and “Caskets” and “Gleanings.”

Speaking about the man who is not enslaved to sects and parties, but free in his religious habits, he paused and said, “You remind me, Mr. Bond, of what Pope says, —

‘Slave to no sect, who takes no private road,But looks through nature up to nature’s God.’”

The subject of music was introduced, when, after a few words of prose he broke out in evident emotion, —

“Music! oh, how faint, how weak,Language fades before thy spell!Why should feeling ever speakWhen thou canst breathe her soul so well?Friendship’s balmy words may pain,Love’s are e’en more false than they —Oh! ’tis only music’s strainCan sweetly soothe and not betray.”

“Those are very beautiful lines, Mr. Smythe,” I observed; “can you tell me whose they are?”

Placing his hand to his head, he answered, “Really, Mr. Bond, I do not now remember.”

“They are Moore’s,” I replied.

“Oh yes, yes, so they are. I could give you numberless other pieces, Mr. Bond, equally fine and touching.”

“Thank you, that will do for the present, Mr. Smythe.”

We began to talk about travelling in Scotland, Switzerland, and other parts, when I gave a little of my experience in plain words, as to the effect of the scenery upon my mind and health, when he suddenly interrupted me and said, “Let me see, what is it the poet says upon that? If I can call it up, I will give it you, Mr. Bond, —

‘Go abroad,Upon the paths of Nature, and, when allIts voices whisper, and its silent thingsAre breathing the deep beauty of the world,Kneel at its simple altar.’”

I spoke of neglected genius both in Church and State, when he exclaimed with much emphasis, as though the lines had fallen on my ears for the first time, —

“Full many a gem of purest ray serene,The dark, unfathomed caves of ocean bear;Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,And waste its sweetness on the desert air.”

A voyage to America, with a few incidents about the sea, were spoken of.

“Ah, ah, Mr. Bond,” he said, “I have seen some fine lines by J. G. Percival on that subject, —

‘I, too, have been upon thy rolling breast,Wildest of waters! I have seen thee lieCalm as an infant pillowed in its restOn a fond mother’s bosom, when the sky,Not smoother, gave the deep its azure dye,Till a new heaven was arched and glassed below.’

“And then, Mr. Bond, you are familiar with —

‘The sea! the sea! the open sea!The blue, the fresh, the ever free!Without a mark, without a bound,It runneth the earth’s wide region round;It plays with the clouds; it mocks the skies;Or like a cradled creature lies.’”

I spoke of progress in the age in which we live, when he instantly said, “Ah, that reminds me now of what Tennyson says, —

‘Not in vain the distant beacons. Forward, forward, let us range,Let the great world spin for ever down the ringing grooves of change.Through the shadow of the globe we sweep into the younger day;Better fifty years of Europe than a cycle of Cathay.’”

The worth of a good name was spoken of, and the words of Solomon quoted in support of what was said. But Solomon was not enough. The poetic spirit of our student was astir instantly within him, and broke forth in the well-known lines of Shakespeare, already quoted in this volume, —

“Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing,’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;But he who filches from me my good nameRobs me of that which not enriches him,And makes me poor indeed.”

Marriage and love were incidentally brought up, when, lo and behold, I found he was so brimful on these, that I was obliged to ask him to forbear, after a few specimens. Having had so long an experience in those happy climes, I found he could not say anything that half came up to the reality. Nevertheless, I am free to say, he did quote some sentiments which on him and the young ladies present seemed to have a most charming effect, especially one from Tupper, who used in those times to be a pet poet with the fair sex and such as our student, —

“Love! what a volume in a word! an ocean in a tear!A seventh heaven in a glance! a whirlwind in a sigh!The lightning in a touch – a millennium in a moment!What concentrated joy, or woe, is blessed or blighted love!”

“Blighted love! Ah,” said Mr. Smythe, “that reminds me of Tennyson’s words,” which he appeared to render with deep feeling, —

“I hold it true, whate’er befall —I feel it when I sorrow most —’Tis better to have loved and lostThan never to have loved at all.”

“These lines remind me,” he observed, “and it is astonishing the poetic associations of my mind, Mr. Bond. These kind of pieces seem so linked together in my mind, that when I begin I can scarcely stop myself. Well, I was going to give Shakespeare’s words, —

‘Ah me! for aught that ever I could read,Could ever hear of tale or history,The course of true love never did run smooth.’”

“But have you not a few lines, Mr. Smythe, on marriage, although you have not as yet entered into that happy state?” said Mr. Bond.

“O dear yes! I have pieces without number. For instance, here is one from Middleton, —

‘What a delicious breath marriage sends forth —The violet’s bed not sweeter! Honest wedlockIs like a banqueting-house built in a garden,On which the spring flowers take delightTo cast their modest odours.’

“Here are some more,” he remarked, “from Cotton, —

‘Though fools spurn Hymen’s gentle powers,We who improve his golden hours,By sweet experience knowThat marriage rightly understoodGives to the tender and the goodA Paradise below.’”

Still going on, he said, “Here are some charming lines, Mr. Bond, from Moore, —

‘There’s a bliss beyond all that the minstrel has told,When two that are linked in one heavenly tie,With heart never changing and brow never cold,Love on through all ills, and love on till they die.One hour of a passion so sacred is worthWhole ages of heartless and wandering bliss;And oh! if there be an Elysium on earth,It is this – it is this.’”

At the close of these lines something occurred to stop Mr. Smythe going any further.

Poetic quotations in conversation are all very well, when given aptly and wisely; but coming, as they often do, as the fruits of affectation and pedantry, they are repulsive. One wishes in these circumstances that the talker had a few thoughts of his own in prose besides those of the poets which he so lavishly pours into one’s jaded ears.

XXX.

“YES” AND “NO.”

“Let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

– Jesus Christ.

Although in length “yes” and “no” are among the smallest and shortest words of the English language, yet they often involve an importance far beyond “the most centipedal polysyllables that crawl over the pages of Johnson’s dictionary.” Did persons stop to reflect upon the full import of these monosyllables, so easily uttered, they would undoubtedly use them with less frequency and more caution.

I shall make no apology for quoting on this subject from a letter out of the “Correspondence of R. E. H. Greyson, Esq.,” written by him to Miss Mary Greyson.

“You remember the last pleasant evening in my last visit to Shirley, when I accompanied you to the party at Mrs. Austin’s. Something occurred there which I had no opportunity of improving for your benefit. So as you invite reproof – an invitation which who that is mortal and senior can refuse? – I will enlarge a little.

“The good lady, our hostess, expressed, if you recollect, a fear that the light of the unshaded camphine was too bright, in the position in which you sat, for your eyes. Though I saw you blinking with positive pain, yet, out of a foolish timidity, you protested, ‘No; oh no; not at all!’ Now that was a very unneighbourly act of the tongue, thus to set at nought the eye; the selfish thing must have forgotten that ‘if one member suffer, all the others must suffer with it.’ My dear, never sacrifice your eyes to any organ whatever; at all events, not to the tongue, – least of all when it does not tell the truth. Of the two, you had better be dumb than blind.

“Now, if I had not interposed, and said that you were suffering, whether you knew it or not, you would have played the martyr all the evening to a sort of a – a – what shall I call it? – it must out – a sort of fashionable fib. You may answer, perhaps, that you did not like to make a fuss, or seem squeamish, or discompose the company; and so, from timidity, you said ‘the thing that was not.’ Very true; but this is the very thing I want you to guard against; I want you to have such presence of mind that the thought of absolute truth shall so preoccupy you as to defy surprise and anticipate even the most hurried utterances.

“The incident is very trifling in itself; I have noticed it because I think I have observed on other occasions that, from a certain timidity of character, and an amiable desire not to give trouble, or make a fuss, as you call it (there, now, Mary, I am sure the medicine is nicely mixed – that spoonful of syrup ought to make it go down), you have evinced a disposition to say, from pure want of thinking, what is not precise truth. Weigh well, my dear girl, and ever act on, that precept of the Great Master, which, like all His precepts, is of deepest import, and, in spirit, of the utmost generality of application, ‘Let your yea be yea, and your nay, nay.’

“Let truth – absolute truth – take precedence of everything; let it be more precious to you than anything else. Sacrifice not a particle of it at the bidding of indolence, vanity, interest, cowardice, or shame; least of all, to those tawdry idols of stuffed straw and feathers – the idols of fashion and false honour.

“It is often said that the great lesson for a young man or a young woman to learn is how to say ‘no.’ It would be better to say that they should learn aright how to use both ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ – for both are equally liable to abuse.

“The modes in which they are employed often give an infallible criterion of character.

“Some say both doubtfully and hesitatingly, drawling out each letter – ‘y-e-s,’ ‘n-o,’ – that one might swear to their indecision of character at once. Others repeat them with such facility of assent or dissent, taking their tone from the previous question, that one is equally assured of the same conclusion, or, what is as bad, that they never reflect at all. They are a sort of parrots.

“One very important observation is this – be pleased to remember, my dear, that ‘yes,’ in itself, always means ‘yes,’ and ‘no’ always means ‘no.’

“I fancy you will smile at such a profound remark; nevertheless, many act as if they never knew it, both in uttering these monosyllables themselves and in interpreting them as uttered by others. Young ladies, for example, when the question, as it is called, par excellence (as if it were more important than the whole catechism together) is put to them, often say ‘no’ when they really mean ‘yes.’ It is a singular happiness for them that the young gentlemen to whom they reply in this contradictory sort of way have a similar incapacity of understanding ‘yes’ and ‘no;’ nay, a greater; for these last often persist in thinking ‘no’ means ‘yes,’ even when it really means what it says.

“‘Pray, my dear,’ said a mamma to her daughter of eighteen, ‘what was your cousin saying to you when I met you blushing so in the garden?’

“‘He told me that he loved me, mamma, and asked if I could love him.’

“‘Upon my word! And what did you say to him, my dear?’

“‘I said yes, mamma.’

“‘My dear, how could you be so – ’

“‘Why, mamma, what else could I say? it was the —truth.’

“Now I consider this a model for all love-passages: and when it comes to your turn, my dear, pray follow this truth-loving young lady’s example, and do not trust to your lover’s powers of interpretation to translate a seeming ‘no’ into a genuine ‘yes.’ He might be one of those simple, worthy folk who are so foolish as to think that a negative is really a negative!

“I grant that there are a thousand conventional cases in which ‘yes’ means ‘no,’ and ‘no’ means ‘yes;’ and they are so ridiculously common that every one is supposed, in politeness, not to mean what he says, or, rather, is not doubted to mean the contrary of what he says. In fact, quite apart from positive lying – that is, any intention to deceive – the honest words are so often interchanged, that if ‘no’ were to prosecute ‘yes,’ and ‘yes’ ‘no,’ for trespass, I know not which would have most causes in court. Have nothing to do with these absurd conventionalisms, my dear. ‘Let your yea be yea, and your nay, nay.’ If you are asked whether you are cold, hungry, tired, never, for fear of giving trouble, say the contrary of what you feel. Decline giving the trouble if you like, by all means; but do not assign any false reason for so doing. These are trifles, you will say; and so they are. But it is only by austere regard to truth, even in trifles, that we shall keep the love of it spotless and pure. ‘Take care of the pence’ of truth, ‘and the pounds will take care of themselves.’

“Not only let your utterance be simple truth, as you apprehend it, but let it be decisive and unambiguous, according to those apprehensions. Some persons speak as falteringly as if they thought the text I have cited ran, ‘Let your yea be nay, and your nay, yea.’ And so they are apt to assent or dissent, according to the tenor of the last argument: ‘Yes – no – yes – no.’ It is just like listening to the pendulum of a clock.

“It is a great aggravation of the misuse of ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ that the young are apt to lose all true apprehension of their meaning, and think, in certain cases, that ‘yes’ cannot mean ‘yes,’ nor ‘no’ ‘no.’

“I have known a lad, whose mother’s ‘no’ had generally ended in ‘yes,’ completely ruined, because when his father said ‘no’ in reply to a request for unreasonable aid, and threatened to leave him to his own devices if he persisted in extravagance, could not believe that his father meant what he said, or could prevail on justice to turn nature out of doors. But his father meant ‘no,’ and stuck to it, and the lad was ruined, simply because, you see, he had not noticed that father and mother differed in their dialects – that his father’s ‘no’ always meant ‘no,’ and nothing else. You have read ‘Rob Roy,’ and may recollect that that amiable young gentleman, Mr. F. Osbaldistone, with less reason, very nearly made an equally fatal mistake; for every word his father had ever uttered, and every muscle in his face, every gesture, every step, ought to have convinced him that his father always meant what he said.

“In fine, learn to apply these little words aright and honestly, and, little though they be, you will keep the love of truth pure and unsullied.

“Ah me! what worlds of joy and sorrow, what maddening griefs and ecstacies have these poor monosyllables conveyed! More than any other words in the whole dictionary have they enraptured or saddened the human heart; rung out the peal of joy, or sounded the knell of hope. And yet not so often as at first sight might appear, for these blunt and honest words are, both, kindly coy in scenes of agony.

“There are occasions – and those the most terrible in life – when the lips are fairly absolved from using them, and when, if the eye cannot express what the muffled tongue refuses to tell, the tongue seeks any stammering compassionate circumlocution rather than utter the dreaded syllable. ‘Is there no hope?’ says the mother, hanging over her dying child, to the physician, in whose looks are life and death. He dare not say ‘yes;’ but to such a question silence and dejection can alone say ‘no.’”

XXXI.

A GROUP OF TALKERS

I. The Misanthrope

He is sour and morose in disposition. He is a hater of his species. Whether he was born thus, or whether he has gradually acquired it through contact with mankind, will best be ascertained from himself. I think, however, that he too frequently and too readily inclines in his nature to run against the angles and rough edges of men’s ways and tempers, by which he is made sore and irritable, until he loses patience with everybody, and thinks everybody is gone to the bad. He is happy with no one, and no one is happy with him.

His talk agrees with his temper. He says nothing good of anybody or anything. Society is rotten in every part. He cares for no one’s thanks. He bows to no one’s person. He courts no one’s smiles. There is neither happiness nor worth anywhere or in any one. He says, —

“Only this is sure:In this world nought save misery can endure.”

If you try to throw a more cheerful aspect upon things and breathe a more genial soul into his nature, he says to you, —