Collection of mysticism. + author’s biography including essays about books

– What is wrong with you?

– Nothing.

– «I can see you’re scared.

– «I don’t know what came over me. I looked out into the corridor and saw that the door to our room was closed. – Who closed it?

– A draft.

– Why is there a draft here? They do not open the windows at this time of year. Especially here, in this department. My friend looked at me warily. He did not say anything. I noticed that he himself was not at ease.

– Let’s go from here. We returned to the ward. Strong tea helped me to relax, and I forgot myself a little. Night was falling, and we got ready for bed. Everything went as usual, today we did not turn off the lights, but decided to spend the night without sleeping, and this was our last conversation, my last story about how I found myself alone with her.

I walked along a deserted street straining my ears to hear the sound of a passing car. The weakness in my body from the flu took away my strength, my legs gave way, and I no longer had the strength to walk. Fortunately, for me, I saw the headlights, the engine died down muted. I looked around and saw a taxi. I was lucky. I came closer and asked if he was busy.

– Sit down. I heard the nervous voice of the taxi driver. The car door slammed, and we drove off. We arrived at the address I indicated, and the taxi sped off at breakneck speed in the opposite direction. I was alone again, only this time in the cemetery.

I was waiting for I do not know what, realizing that if I take a step now, it will be impossible to cancel this action. Why am I doing this? I asked myself this question without knowing the answer to it. After standing for a minute, I took a decisive step. As soon as my foot set foot on the territory of the cemetery, I immediately felt that I was already mechanically not here. Although in fact I was still at the entrance, but my intuition suggested something else. I could smell Navi. It scared me, but I was not afraid. The very fact that I have already spoken here means that my soul is already there.

Grave, I purposefully headed to the unmarked grave, deciding that it was no longer worth going to my grandmother’s grave. The cemetery itself is a creepy place, but at night, especially in the north, it is much scarier here. I remembered all the scary pictures from horror movies, and realized that it was scary to walk through a cemetery at night. Although if you put aside fears, the only thing I was afraid of was getting lost and not finding that grave.

That night was the worst nightmare of my life. Nothing can scare me anymore, after what I went through last night. This whole world of Navi, ball, and Sabbath, it’s not that compared to what I experienced. I roughly remembered the route and stuck to it. I was sure that I was going the right way, and I even met familiar graves. I did not notice how the cemetery was enveloped in darkness. It was a black fog. Perhaps this is because it was a polar night outside. Stopping for a second, I looked around and realized that I did not understand where I was going. Nothing was visible. The cemetery was shrouded in black haze and its appearance was similar to medieval times. Everything was so old, not well groomed, abandoned, and snowdrifts disappeared from under my feet. I immediately realized that she was somewhere nearby. It made me happy, because that is exactly what I wanted.

Modern cemetery fences have disappeared, there was none at all? I realized that I would not find that grave anymore, and I did not need it anymore. I was found and so. Not knowing what to do next, I set off, I was wondering where I was. Of course I was afraid, but the more I was afraid, the more I was stuck in this black world. I came here voluntarily, against my reason. In addition, I had nothing left to lose. After walking through several graves, I realized that I could not get away from here. I lost my bearings. There was no inscription with a name on any of the tombstones. It was hopeless. I decided to go back to where I came from, maybe it would be better this way, I thought. Feeling my pockets with my hands, I found neither documents nor money. This was the final sign that I was already in another dimension.

– What is next? I asked aloud.

– «This cemetery will be your grave. I heard an angry voice.

– I am already dead thanks to you.

The fog abruptly dissipated, a strong snowstorm caught me, and I was circling in the air. Then she abruptly threw me away, and I hit my head on a stone obelisk. I barely got up and waited for further attacks.

– What is next? She did not show her face. Although I have already seen him several times.

Then the most terrible thing began. The cemetery has adopted the summer season. The uprising of the dead has begun. Coffins were lifted from the graves, the lid of the coffin was opened, some long-buried dead coffin crumbled, and they got out of it. They got up and came out of the coffin like zombies. They were all wearing a white shirt to their feet; their deadness was emphasized by the color of their skin and the dip of their eyes and dark circles under their eyes. They did it all at the same time, coffins jumped out of the graves, the lid of the coffin flapped and fell to the ground, and I involuntarily shuddered. Their thin, nasty and bony fingers were disgusting. This whole picture came up so suddenly that I did not expect it.

I did not know where to run. And there was nowhere to go, there was a cemetery all around, the black sun and I was left alone with a horde of the dead. For a second I thought she was just scaring me. But when they all came at me and began to pull their hands towards me, I realized that this was not a joke. I was not afraid to die, but not at the hands of zombies. It was disgusting for me. I wanted to die fighting with her, for her, with her. To die in her arms. I was ready to go for it. The horde of the dead disgusted me and I wanted to get rid of them. I did not have anything that could save me. No daylight, no crowing of roosters, only a miracle, it remained to hope for a miracle.

I crossed my fingers for luck and began to run, I ran as fast as I could, forgetting about my illness and indisposition. The dead were running after me, but not as fast as I was. It surprised me. I stopped and looked around. I was surrounded from all sides. All the dead have risen.

– It is yours. I heard a ruthless voice. I forgot about being a gentleman and shouted,

– come out one on one. The earth shook. There was silence. I heard one of the coffin lids fall. Mara appeared before me.

– How dare you compete with me? This time her appearance was scary. She looked like a witch from Viya. – What are you going to do to me? I stood there like a boy. I had nothing to say in response. She glared at me angrily and without saying anything, disappeared into thin air.

It is over. The dead left, they lay down in their coffins covering themselves with a lid and the coffin itself disappeared. All this happened in a matter of minutes. When closing the lid, it slammed as well as when opening; I did not have time to watch what was happening. And I was left alone again and waited for my fate.

The picture changed the screensaver again, and I ended up where I was originally, only for some reason knee-deep in a snowdrift. My phone was at my place along with the money and documents. For a minute, it seemed to me that Mara had left me alone. I decided that she could not scare me and she was not interested in me anymore. It was dark at night. I turned on the flashlight on my phone and started shining. My hands were red and shaking from the cold. I decided to find that grave at all costs and get into the world of Navi. I was shining a flashlight around trying to figure out where I was. There were fences and graves all around, deathly silence. It seemed to me that the slightest sound could scare me. But nothing broke the silence. The wind and snow intensified and for me it was already a sign. During these days spent here, I began to consider the wind and snow as something paranormal. If I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed it. I went in a direction that seemed familiar to me. Having illuminated the familiar nameless cross with a flashlight, I took a decisive step towards it and fell into a snowdrift.

I was up to my waist in a snowdrift. Then I began to sink even deeper and I was sucked in. I woke up in complete darkness and cramped. I began to feel around, trying to figure out where I was. I did not understand right away. It was hard for me to breathe, and then there was not enough oxygen at all. I could not stand it and started calling for help. However, no one came to help. I realized that I was in a wooden coffin. I experienced a terrible horror, being there, a lump rose to my throat and tears of resentment choked me. I was helpless again. And no one heard me again. Mara, she played with me like some kind of kitten. I was her entertainment. Every time I was left in, a hopeless situation and she laughed, gave me oxygen, and then blocked it again. I thought it would never end. Moreover, when it was all over, I was looking for an excuse to repeat it again.

This stay in the coffin humiliated me, and I lost interest in this woman. I wanted to get home as soon as possible before it was too late. I felt myself and felt the phone and everything else. The battery was running out, probably from the cold. I turned on the flashlight. It gave me more strength. If the phone is here, then I am here. I had an incentive, if I am here, then I need to run away from here, and I decided to get out so that it would not become. I was wondering where am I? In the grave or on the surface? My mind was sound and I was happy about it. I started knocking with my hands and feet, and realized that the coffin lid was not firmly closed. I began to knock with all my might and threw it off. I sat down and caught my breath. Then I quickly got out of this horror. Grave was in a freshly dug grave, in the same cemetery, and next to the same unmarked grave.

– «This is your grave. I heard the words through hysterical laughter. The laughter was harsh, rude and mocking. My hatred for this woman grew more and more. There is no trace of my first impressions. I no longer felt for her what I felt for the first time. Those moments melted away. I ran to the exit, hoping to escape. But I forgot that Mara is a natural element herself.

My next test was that I ended up in the underworld with the devils. A blizzard picked me up and transported me to another dimension.

– This is your new world. Meet me. She said with malice. Your soul does not belong to you. Very soon, you will settle here for good.

I looked around me and saw that I was in hell. The devils rejoiced at the sight of me. They danced. I had no joy from what I saw, I was tired, and my eyes went out. I wanted to fall through, disappear through the ground, but I was already underground. I started all this myself, and I regretted it very much. I realized that I could not get out. My only salvation was my friends, but I did not really count on them, they might not have time to save me. I saw my grave with my own eyes, and it was true.

– «But they saved you.»

– Yes, but for how long? I know I am already dead. My soul does not belong to me. She is there. I made this mess myself. There was a void in my eyes. I could smell death. I wanted peace, but I could no longer find it, knowing in advance, what awaits me after death.

My friend looked at me with bitterness in his eyes. The lights were on in our room, and it looked like a cell. In which two monks were sitting and one confessed sins to the other.

– Practice. Mara shouted. In addition, she left me alone with these demons.

I sat down on the ground and put my face in my hands. I understood that my situation was hopeless, those creatures like the ghost, the grandmother, and not all the others were no longer there. There is no one to save me anymore.

Moreover, I was waiting for my fate again. I wanted so much to see my ghost, who once took my grandmother’s place.

– Very soon, you will take this place. An angry voice shouted. She did not show herself, but she was always there. I remembered the words of my grandmother, «she will turn your whole soul inside out.» «Oh, and she’ll wear you out.» These words are etched in my memory. Now, after so many years, these words have come true.

I fell silent; it was about midnight on the clock. – There is still a whole night ahead.

– Yes, and you have something to tell me.

– That is for sure. We crept quietly down the corridor to smoke. I peeked through the half-open door so that the nurse on duty would not notice us.

– What are you looking for there?

– I am looking so that we will not be noticed.

– Calm down. We are not really needed here. Moreover, especially this sister. Another one will come tomorrow, that is another matter.

I looked out again and noticed how the lights went out in our ward. My face changed, and Vovan noticed it.

– What happened?

– The light went out.

– So he was not there. There is no light in the entire corridor.

– There is no light in our ward.

– So the light bulb burned out. Do not worry. This is not mysticism. You are just nervous overexertion. Today I will be discharged, and tomorrow I will come for you. I promise you. I will arrange with the doctor and take you away from here. The words of a friend calmed me down, and I myself believed that the light bulb had burned out.

We returned to the dark room and the lights came on again. – Don’t worry. It happens with light bulbs.

– «I know that. My friend was cheering me on. But I already knew she was here. She came to take my soul. – It is all over today. My friends will install a fence and a monument today. And the entrance will be closed.

– This is good news. Then you have nothing to worry about at all. I continued my story.

The devils were bothering me. In addition, I no longer paid attention to them. I did not care. Indifference set in. My flesh felt being underground, the air was heavy, I had a terrible headache, and the touch of devils made me sick. I remembered how I once saved one of them. I would not do that now. I stood up to my full height, looking with my eyes for at least the slightest clue, at least something that could help me. It was the same clearing and the oak, everything was the same, but there was not the same drink. I wondered if I could go back upstairs without him. I ran up to the oak tree, the devils were dragging me by the sleeve, and I was pushing them away. I hugged the oak tree tightly and with a feeling of remorse for what I had done, I thought about returning home.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the old picture again – I was in the cemetery. The underworld is a cemetery. That is all I have seen in the last few days. I groped for my phone, and sent a message to my friends that I was at the cemetery and I was dying. Deep down I hoped for salvation, but in fact, my case was hopeless. She hugged me tightly in her arms. I went to the exit, no longer hoping to get out. My hopes were confirmed, the exit was blocked. I was hitting an invisible glass. I ran away and hit my face on it. My attempts were in vain. I realized that I was under invisible arrest.

– What should I do? I thought. The idea came to my head to find the grave of my grandmother and ask her for help, and suddenly. I thought, and went in search of a grave. I walked confidently, already knowing the way. Here they are familiar graves. I was walking around the garden meeting acquaintances. Every familiar grave pleased me. And it was killing me. I was reproaching myself. – How could I bring myself to such a state?

Snow covered the entire cemetery, and only in some places, relatives cleared the graves of the deceased. Here it is, my grandmother’s native grave. It was in an abandoned state, I did not even clean the snow. There was no one to take care of her, the fence was rusty, and so was the cheap obelisk. I stepped over the fence and came close to the monument. I also noticed how the shadow of a beautiful woman flashed by, it was noticeable from a dim lantern located far from the cemetery. I shuddered at the thought that she was somewhere nearby. I did not want to have anything to do with her and closed the fence in the hope that I protected myself.

– Oh, if only I could take it all back. I thought. As soon as I thought about it, I immediately found myself in a clearing covered with moss, and my friend was standing on it. I was so glad to see him that I even wanted to hug him.

– So we met! He said joyfully. I will help you escape, but for this, you will strictly follow my instructions. Break at least one, take my place, or next to me. I agreed without hesitation.

– «You’ll eat this powder first. Then you will go straight from here to the airport, and you will fly to your home, you will move from home to warmer climes, where there is no snow, there it will not reach you. If you do not, then no one will save you. This powder will make you invisible. Its effect does not last long. While she is looking for you, you will have to hide, it is better to go to the airport right away. If you delay, then your friends will suffer too. With the dawn it will be more difficult for her, try to stay in the sun as long as possible.

The ghost’s words cheered me up. I was sure that I would succeed. I swallowed the magic powder and quickly ran to the tree. I was able to quickly transfer from one world to another. I found myself at the gate; I just had to get out. – Thanks, friend. I said to myself and took a step forward. I did not pay attention to myself. Forgetting about the potion I had taken, my thoughts were at home. The only thing I noticed was that no one was following me. I had already moved away and looked back. The cemetery was left behind. No one was following me, and I began to examine myself. Their hands, feet, clothes. I did not notice any changes and continued on my way. I understood that I could not walk, but I could not find a car at this time in this place. My heartbeat increased, and I ran, hoping to run out of here into a crowded part of the city.

After making a stop, I felt myself, found my passport, ticket and phone, and breathed a sigh of relief. Opposite me was a 24-hour pavilion with artificial flowers. I went into it to warm up and realized that I was not visible. I liked it, and I got into the role. After standing for a while, I went outside and wanted to continue my way; fortunately, a car drove up and stopped at the store. The driver got out without closing the door. It was good for me. I saw my salvation. – That is the luck. I thought as I got into the backseat. The door carelessly slammed and attracted the driver’s attention. He looked for a long time, decided that it was a draft, and went into the store.

I looked around and realized that the family was in mourning and a man had come for a wreath. The driver was already walking back, carrying a wreath. I realized that I would get out of here quickly. The door opened and the wreath was next to me. He terrified me. It would be better if he did not exist. -«It’s nothing,» I consoled myself. But the feeling of anxiety did not leave me. We were driving fast; I would even say we were speeding. I leaned back in my seat and relaxed. I have already heard the noise of the plane in which I will fly, and peace has come to my heart. The weather helped me, the blizzard stopped, the wind died down and nothing prevented my return.

Now I reproach myself for what I did then. I made a mistake. I remember the words of the ghost, which he said to me before my departure from the world of Navi. – Don’t make a mistake. If you make even one mistake, you will take my place.

My mistake was that I took out my phone and texted my friends that I was going to the airport. If I had not done that, then nothing would have happened. The driver was stunned by what he saw and let go of the steering wheel, braking sharply, he looked back. Now I understand how he felt at that moment. For him, it was an unexpected shock in the middle of the night with a funeral wreath in the backseat. I tried to hide the phone and scared him even more. The phone was put away. The driver jumped out of the car and began to make the sign of the cross over himself. Calming down a little, he opened the back door and carefully examined the interior. Then he opened the second door and looked at everything from the other side. I froze and sat without breathing. Closing both doors, he got behind the wheel, made the sign of the cross and drove on.

– I imagined it. He said. – It is necessary to go to the cemetery less at night. – That is exactly what I thought.

We were flying at breakneck speed. I was afraid to move. Outside the window, I saw a blizzard chasing us. She looked like a hurricane, or even a tornado. Paranormal phenomenon. The driver said.

– This is mysticism. I thought, and realized that it was behind me. Now I will drag the driver with me.

The car overturned several times. I do not know the fate of the driver, but mine is in store for me.

– Don’t boil ahead of time. I will decide everything. I saw how Vova confidently behaves. He did not know that everything had already been decided. I would like his confidence even for a minute. I heard someone’s footsteps in the corridor, and looking at the door, I saw a shadow flash under it. I realized that he had not seen anything and did not say anything.

– «I’ll pick you up from here tomorrow. I think nothing will happen to you in one day.

– «I think so too,» I replied indifferently.

– Well, well done.

We went out to smoke. The time was about five in the morning. We smoked in silence. Everyone did it nervously. This nervousness irritated even more. Upon returning to the ward, we brewed strong tea. A nurse came to us and made a remark. We quietly closed the door behind her and continued the tea party. At this tea party, I told him everything to the end.

When our car overturned, the windows flew in different directions and damaged my face. This hurricane swept away everything in its path and caused great damage. Possibly even fatal. Cars overturned, windows flew out of shops, bus stops overturned. Until I got out of the car. When I got out, I was not visible, and I realized it. I could barely stand on my feet and I was swaying from side to side. She would not have noticed me if it was not for my phone. It rang. In addition, she heard the bell ring. That call ruined my soul and me.

– Your friends are waiting for you at the cemetery! She shouted with a roar. That is where you belong. She picked me up and carried me away. I was spinning in this blizzard like a top. I no longer felt myself, the pain, the cold. I was just sick with hunger and swirled in this tornado. I flew over houses, destroyed shops, and felt like a snowflake, a grain of sand in this whirlwind. At last, the wind died down, and I found myself with her on an icy plain. It was our last meeting with her.

There was an ice field all around me. The wind died down. The ice was slippery. This field was without beginning and without end. It was infinity. I did not feel the cold and the pain from the scars on my face. She was circling over me and laughing loudly.

– So we met. Did you dream about it? Isn’t that right?

I was silent in response. Along with the silence, I experienced indifference. She stopped circling, stopped and turned into a beautiful woman. Such as, I saw then in my room. Her image remained in my memory. She walked slowly towards me and came close to me. My breath caught in my throat, and an internal tremor went through my whole body. Her beauty dazzled me, but I continued to hate her. This hatred negated everything, all my admiration for this woman. Her husband will never forgive me for what I did. I have incurred his wrath. He appeared in front of me on an ice throne. Next to him was my ice statue.

– Very soon you will decorate my garden. He said sarcastically and disappeared. I fell silent.

– And then what happened?

– «I don’t know myself. From that moment on, I have a black hole in my memory. I try to remember and nothing comes out. I remember waking up in this room. However, the fact remains. I will have to answer for that.

– Yes. I did not know you had such a problem. This is serious. Vova thought about it. Dawn was breaking outside the window. The night passed unnoticed, and with it our days. I did not notice how they flew by. I heard a commotion in the corridor. The nurse was engaged in cleaning, the nurse woke up patients for procedures. – You looked into her eyes, and no one dares to do that. – You touched her! How dare you do that? It cannot be fixed. Even I am not sure of myself anymore. And I don’t know if I can help you. But I will do my best for this.