Collection of mysticism. + author’s biography including essays about books

– Where are we now?

– Not far. It is all a trick of the eye. You and your grandmother are left here in this underground world. Your friends have abandoned you. They are now at home in the apartment.

– Are you a psychic too?

– Almost. There are no ordinary mortals on this holiday. Everyone here has supernatural powers.

– So what is going on there now?

– Now our rejected souls are trying to help you and your grandmother. Your drink will not last long, no one knows about it. Therefore, we need to go as soon as possible. In addition, there we will help you.

– I remember for sure that everyone got here through the Kalinov Bridge.

– That is right. But everyone here is dead, and you are not. So go quickly. Soon everyone will leave here, including your grandmother. Moreover, you will stay. Moreover, we will not know your fate. We quickened our pace and in an instant found ourselves in a clearing.

There was a war between ghosts in the clearing. Little demons and bats did not participate in it. They took the position of the audience. For them, it was a continuation of the holiday. There were no gods in sight; I knew they were here somewhere, watching what was happening. I was looking for my grandmother, looking from side to side.

– Don’t fuss. It is too early. I looked around and saw my friend. Mara is hiding her. When she gives it to you, you will need to move to another world in the shortest minutes. You do not have to hide. They will find you anyway. The ghosts were fighting each for their place. There was hatred between them for each other. There was no point in this rebellion; everyone will take his or her place later anyway.

– But what about the grandmother?

– And your grandmother. I remembered my friend’s words again, «that everything will be fine.» His words came true and completely relied on him.

In an instant, everything stopped and everyone lined up in a row. Everyone lined up in the order in which they came to the holiday. Souls accompanied by evil spirits. Then the trolls, followed by the servants. A view of the Kalinov Bridge opened and a very slow procession began. Everything happened here in a matter of seconds. The pictures changed their screensavers as if someone was flipping through a book. There was nothing to plan or think about, everything changed every second.

The view of the Kalinov Bridge was clearly visible, but not to the end. I remembered this episode as I watched this procession from the other side of the bridge. Moreover, he remembered the three-headed serpent. I asked my ghost friend, «Why are we here?» If the oak tree is still there, on the other side of the bridge.

– It does not matter. They are about to move from the halls to their abode, and you need to get to yours. The oak tree will remain in its place. You do not need to get into their abode.

– I did not understand anything. But he silently agreed.

The trolls began their march, and behind them stood a huge regiment of souls. The souls were indignant. They were not happy with the outcome, but they had no choice but to walk in silence. Each of them looked back and looked in my direction. Maybe they did not want to help me as much as they wanted to save themselves. Deep down, I felt sorry for them.

– Don’t forget that this is a resident of evil. There is no one to feel sorry for. I looked at the ghost. Maybe he is right, I thought. It was the turn of the souls, and they were the last to complete this procession. I understood that I would have to say goodbye to my friend now. It made me sad.

– Don’t be sad. Now the most interesting thing will begin. He never lied, and I believed him. The souls were finishing their procession, and my friend disappeared. The picture changed its screensaver, as it was. And, I was left alone. I was in the same clearing where I had already been several times. At the place where the fire once burned, there was a smooth green cover. Everything was bare and empty. Even the green foliage did not save me from the fear of loneliness. There had just been a continuation of the Sabbath, and now I was standing alone and I had no one to lean on.

I saw my grandmother and ran up to her. But it turned out to be a vision. I heard hysterical laughter and realized that she was laughing at me. I began to look around looking for her with my eyes. Silence surrounded me. I could not stand it and called her.

– Mara. Come out. Show yourself to my eyes. In response, I heard the echoes of my own echo. —Are you afraid of me?» After the spoken words, she appeared before me in all her glory. I looked at her and I was not afraid. I have lost all my fear. I already had nothing to lose. She came up to me in a tight and I felt the icy cold that came from her. Not daring to touch her, I raised my head and looked into her eyes. Knowing that no one dares to do this, I did it. Mara did not expect such a turn of events turned into snow and began to rush around the clearing. I did not know why I had angered her so much, but she did not like it. Perhaps the only explanation for this was that I was not afraid of her, but on the contrary, I wanted to be closer to her, and her beauty fascinated me. Forgetting about my fear, I stood rooted to the spot and watched the snowflakes. I completely forgot about my grandmother.

This event distracted my thoughts for a moment, I completely forgot where I was, and that Mara has a jealous husband-a magician. And the fact that I will soon run out of the effect of the drink and about the safety of the grandmother. I was waiting for her to act, but she turned into a blizzard and disappeared. Koschei appeared instead of her, and at the click of two fingers, he gave me the dead soul of my grandmother. He left her on the green grass and disappeared. She was lying motionless. Although she was already dead, but this time she was dead even in hell. She was at a young age, looking like a young witch, I had already seen her like this at a holiday. Her appearance was like a doll with long black hair. I was afraid to approach her, and even more so to touch her. The effect of the drink was ending, and I began to feel chills. I did not pay attention to it, referring to the stress I suffered. Realizing that she was already dead, I did not know what to do with her.

I remembered the ghost’s words that it was necessary to get to the oak tree. I picked her up and carried her to the tree. She was lighter than a mannequin was. She was really like a doll. I put her under a tree and took her by the hand. Looking at the ass, I saw my real grandmother and I felt sick. I realized that everything was in vain. I did not know if it was she or not. No longer feeling afraid, I went to meet her. Coming closer, the grandmother turned into snowflakes and began to circle with laughter. I sat down on my knees and fell into despair. I had no choice but to leave this world of the dead and go to my dimension. I went to the oak tree, sat down and leaned my back against its trunk, closed my eyes and waited for my fate. My expectation did not justify my hopes; I was still in the same place. Going over my thoughts, I thought that the effect of the drink had ended, or had I already died? Alternatively, has he gone mad? I could not figure out what was wrong with me. Everyone has already disappeared somewhere, I am the only one left. Where am I? In addition, what am I? I did not know what to do.

I ran away from the oak tree, sat down on my knees and began pounding on the grass with my fist. – Where are you all? Tears rolled out of my eyes, one, two, and three. And I started crying. As soon as the tears touched the ground at the same moment, everything was covered with ice, including me. The ice covered my head, and I became an iceman.

– There is no place for tears here. Mara was circling above me like a whirlwind. I did not feel cold, but I felt immured, and I could not move.

Koschei appeared and brought my grandmother. We met her eyes, and I realized that it was she. My grandmother was waiting for the same fate as me. She was also covered with ice. I looked at her and my heart sank. Forgetting that she was dead and did not feel the cold, I treated her as if she was alive. I did not know how to help her and began to remember what this goddess was afraid of. Remembering the words of the ghost, «the only thing that can destroy them is sunlight.» Yes, I thought it is not real. Sunlight does not shine here. «There is no place for tears here.» It dawned on me, tears that is what can save us from it at least for a moment. I tried to cry, but I could not. Tears did not roll out of my eyes. And I didn’t know how to call them. Moreover, I remembered another phrase she said recently – «there is no place for tears, kindness and love.» Love that is what should help. And I screamed with all my might, «Grandma, I love you! I screamed until the ice melted and my grandmother turned into a ghost.

Tears rolled out of my eyes, and touched the ice with which I was covered. The ice collapsed with a crash and ice fragments remained. I ran up to Grandma and hugged her. But she turned out to be a ghost, and I felt the air.

– Don’t fly away. Wait. I will help you. I promised you. My grandmother smiled sweetly and became a ghost, like a cellophane bag. But even of all the cellophane bags present that have been here recently, I would immediately recognize her. – Let’s go quickly to the oak tree. I tried to drag her away, but it was in vain. I could not have physical contact with her. I took decisive steps towards the oak tree, hoping that she would come with me. Nevertheless, she was not coming. I looked at her pleadingly.

– «We’re not going to make it. Go alone.

– I came for you.

– I know. But go alone before it’s too late. And don’t forget about the grave.

– I remember. But I do not know the name of the deceased. How will I erect a monument?

– Konstantin. My name is Konstantin. I looked around and saw him. How so. You did not leave with everyone.

– As you can see, no. Friends do not leave their friends. You need to hurry along with your grandmother. Otherwise, it is about to start, and even I cannot help you. I have an unmarked grave, and that gives me an advantage. I can disappear for a short time. However, not at all.

I looked pleadingly at my grandmother. She made hesitant movements in my direction. As soon as she made them, an earthquake immediately began. The clearing began to shudder.

– Your tears will not help you. You will all stay here forever. It is here, even without its place here. We have completely lost our fear. The three of us froze in fear. My heart was jumping out of my chest, and it seemed to me that I could hear it pounding.

– What now? I whispered faintly.

– You look like your friend who was always whining. I told you everything would be fine. I looked up hopefully, hoping to see the sky and pray. Yes, yes, to pray. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do it, but the sky was not visible, instead there was darkness, and the black sun was shining above us. I sat down on my knees and began to pray. I did not even know who or what I believed in anymore. However, I prayed hard.

The earthquake intensified, I felt myself staggering from side to side. I sat and held on to the ground with my hands.

– That is what you made her angry. I have never seen her like this.

– «You should have run when I told you to. You would have been saved.

– «I’m not a coward. I will take you with me.

– You should be proud of your grandson. The grandmother looked in his direction and said nothing.

I felt like my strength was leaving me, and I was about to pass out. I was familiar with this state. I have already studied it during my stay in the underworld. I understood that I was going to fall into unconsciousness and then it would be too late.

– We need to distract her. Let him crawl to the tree, I heard him say these words to my grandmother. They both went to the oak tree and wrapped their arms around it to form a ring. It turned out to be a vicious circle. This enraged Mara and she went there herself, in person.

– What are you doing here? What do you think I cannot handle you? A gang of servants. You will serve me until the end of your days. Her eyes were sparkling, and she directed the blizzard towards the oak tree. Nevertheless, to my surprise, the oak could not freeze. I was amazed by what was happening. How is this possible? There is a defense against her charms.

It turned into a blizzard and began to circle over them. I took advantage of this and approached them. They took me into their ring, and I began to wait for a wonderful return home. The ghost looked at the grandmother, and she looked at him approvingly. They opened their hands, and I stayed. As soon as they moved away from the oak tree, Mara threw my grandmother away and she fell to the icy floor. Everything was covered with ice again, except the oak. She was lying on the bare ice. Her soul regained the body of a young girl. She lay still.

– It is time. The ghost shouted. Take it and bring it here. I picked her up and went. Mara attempted to make me fall. But I resisted, and held my burden tightly. The appearance of Koshchei caused me panic. I realized that I could not cope. – You can handle it. Bring it faster.

Mara cast an evil glance in the direction of her husband. – I will deal with them myself. These are my uninvited guests. Koschei disappeared, and I quickened my pace. I did not have time to reach it and dropped it at the feet of the magic tree. I knelt down next to her, took her icy hand and began to kiss her.

– I miss your fairy tales so much. I said, and a tear rolled out of my eye. As soon as this happened, the body of my young grandmother began to disperse into microparticles of light and disappear. She seemed to evaporate. – What is going on?

– Your grandmother is leaving this world. And goes into another dimension. You saved her, just as if you dreamed! Congratulations!

– What will happen to her?

– Well, either she will get into the bright Iriy, or be born again. Mara was furious. In addition, she walked towards me. – Hug the oak tree and think about the good.

– And you?

– I will take your grandmother’s place.

– How do you understand this?

– It means that I am staying here instead of your grandmother. I will serve Mara. In addition, you will seal the entrance to the underworld. Moreover, everything will stop.

– I cannot leave you here. You are my friend now.

– You cannot save all the inhabitants of the kingdom of darkness. It is impossible. Go. You have been here too long. Your goal has been achieved. Your friends were not supposed to be here. You have done many things. It is time for you, there’s no time left at all. Goodbye.

I hugged the tree like the first time I was here. In addition, at that moment, a tear rolled out of my eye. However, she was no longer there, but here in this world. – It turns out that love actually saves the world. In addition, the kingdom of darkness is the kingdom of darkness, and there is no place for love and tears.

– Maybe it is. But your tears have melted even the underworld. See how it happens.

– I myself was surprised that tears can help grief. Maybe it is something else, not tears. She was furious when her tears touched the ice.

– Maybe it is from the heat. If the tears are sincere, then they are hot, and the underworld is beating with warmth and light. Tears drown the ice. What happened then?

– Then I found myself in the same place in the cemetery. I was half-naked, and I started freezing instantly. It was bitterly cold outside. I ran to get warm. I was haunted by the thought that she could overtake me and I would go back to hell. I ran out of the cemetery and went to meet the cars. I tried to stop the ride, but they all drove by thinking I was crazy. One of the cars stopped, and I explained everything by saying that I was not a local and got lost in the cemetery. They gave me a ride to my friend’s house, and I went into the apartment.

– Did your friends recognize you right away?

– They did not say anything. And I didn’t feel anything. It is possible that nothing happened. Our meeting with Mara was not the last.

– How not the last?

– All the most interesting things will be ahead. My friend looked at me with surprise. We went out into the corridor to walk and smoke, although it was forbidden. But everyone who could not do without cigarettes did it. – My friends will install a fence and a monument tomorrow. And the passage for the living to the world of the dead will be closed. When I crossed the threshold of the apartment, I did not know what to say to my friends. I did not know if it was true or not. Alternatively, I am actually frozen and lost. To be honest, remembering those events, I remember that I was tired. I am tired of running around the cemetery, the underworld and thinking is it true or not.

– And we wanted to go look for you. Just don’t know where? In the cemetery? On the other hand, to hell! These words were uttered with such a laugh that I was not pleased. From their ridicule, I realized that it was all true.

– We were lucky. Our souls were not cleaned up.

– Don’t get excited ahead of time. First, you need to close the passage, and then rejoice.

– That is right.

They were saying these words, and I flopped down on the sofa and closed my eyes. The warmth relaxed my body, and I fell asleep in a sitting position. My hands and face were burning, my head hurt terribly, maybe from the cold, or maybe from nervous overexertion. I slept in this position for several hours. When I woke up, I came to my friends in the kitchen.

– Tell me how it is in hell without us!

– I would not be so happy if I were you. Remember how you got there. You were sitting here laughing, and the kitchen was covered with ice.

– He is right. Get it over with. It will be calmer this way. There was silence in the kitchen. – I hope this was your last visit to your grandmother.

– Grandma is no more. I managed to save her soul.

– Tell me, how did you do it? What was there without us? I told my friends everything that happened. About how the ghosts tried to help me, how I was an ice statue. And about how our ghost friend took my grandmother’s place. – Yes, your grandmother was lucky. God rest her soul.

– Don’t say that.

– Why?

– «I don’t even know where she is anymore. In Paradise or relocated. And how to remember her now after what I saw.

– Yes, a difficult question.

– «I’ll talk to my sister about that. She should know.

– What now?

– «I don’t know. I need to talk to my sister.

At that time, I still did not understand what had happened. And most importantly, I understood that I had nothing to do here. I did everything I could and everything that was required of me. All I had to do was get on a plane and fly home. But I didn’t want to do it, and I couldn’t tell my sister or my friends about it. She held me, Mara. Her gaze burned my soul with cold. I was ready to do anything just to see her again. It was my dream.

I told my sister everything, she listened to me attentively, I listened to lectures about how I put my life and the lives of friends in danger. She earnestly asked me to come back as soon as possible. It was dangerous for me to stay here. She did not need my friends, and I was the cause of all the troubles. I understood this and did not argue with her. A plane ticket was taken. For tomorrow. History repeated itself.

– The main thing is that nothing happens during these days!

– Do not collect troubles on our heads. He will fly away, and you and I will stay.

– Don’t swear! It is over.

– It is not yet known. I saw one of my friends nervous. Moreover, his depression was transmitted to me. – What did your sister say?

– You are not in any danger. All the danger is on me. However, do not provoke an angry goddess.

I fell silent. My friend listened to me attentively. – So why these scars on the face.

– I do not want to talk about them now. It is a scary story. Maybe a little later. We returned to the ward. Everything in the ward was gloomy and dim. I did not feel well and I did not have the strength to speak. It seemed to me that I had spent an eternity in this ward, which would never end, without knowing why. These three nights spent here in conversation with a stranger passed like a flash, I did not want to part with him and therefore did not want tomorrow to come. Tomorrow he will be gone, I thought, and a pain pierced my heart. I closed my eyes remembering what I had already told and strained my memory to remember what was left to relive.

My friend Vladimir was such a good person. He never got into my soul, but he saw what was going on inside me. He understood the person and could pick up the keys to him. I liked that trait in him. He is also ready to come to the rescue at any moment, go to investigate, stand up for protection. He reminded me of my friend from the underworld, who was always there until my last minute there, he even sacrificed himself, realizing that he would die anyway. This is true friendship.

Today was my last night with a friend. In the morning, he will be gone, and that night I told him about my last night in Norilsk. – The ticket was bought. It remains to survive the night. Everything was the same as last time. I had a bad feeling. I was shaking from the inside. The fear did not leave me. And despite these fears, I didn’t want to leave. I was thinking of an action plan to stay for a few days and see her again. I did not lose hope that maybe she would still want to see me herself, to take revenge on me for what I had done. But no, I felt that there was no and I would have to look for her myself.

My mind was telling me what would happen if you got to her. You are going to stay there forever. I understood that. And what happens if I don’t see her again? It will be the pain of the blow. I am the one who is going to be healed for all eternity. I am going to live like hell because I did not get there again and did not see her. The only way to get there is to go right now to the cemetery to that yet unnamed grave and wait for the dimension between the worlds to come. Then I will not be able to do it anymore. I no longer thought about my sister, about tickets, about myself. The only thing I was sorry for was that I did not have time to say goodbye to my sister, knowing that I would not see her again. But I didn’t have time to think. I waited until my friends were asleep, dressed warmly and left the apartment.

CHAPTER 3

It was a polar night outside. My face felt cold, I inhaled the cold air and felt my lungs wheezing. This climate was not good for me and from the constant swinging through the icy air it made itself felt, I got the flu and felt bad. I visually remembered the route along which we were driving with friends by car. It was not so close. I was discouraged and continued on my way hoping to find a passing car. After walking a few blocks, I turned onto the next street and walked along the night windows. Flakes of snow were slowly falling on my head, and I took it as a sign from above, it gave me hope that I had a chance to see her again.

It was time for dinner; it was our last dinner with a neighbor. We shared a meal with him in a friendly way, sitting pleasantly in the common dining room. There was a deathly silence in the ward. He was packing his things, I sat and stared at one point and did not break the silence.

– What are you thinking about?

– That everything will end soon. I will return to my circles, and everything will be as if nothing ever happened.

– How is that so? This cannot be happening. After what you have been through, everything will be different for you.

– How? Explain?

– Your life will change. Worldview, environment.

– And it seems to me that the opposite is true. The friends who went through hell with me will stay here, you are also here, the person to whom I opened my soul, and my friend is a ghost, about whom I cannot tell anyone, has already disappeared forever. It hurts.

– Well, the past always hurts. Therefore, it is not worth remembering, and coming back. And we, your friends, we will meet again. We will come to you ourselves. In addition, do not think about bringing, you still have your whole life ahead of you. This relic needs to be experienced and it will become easier.

My friend calmed me down. We went out to smoke, leaving the door open. A blizzard howled outside the window. That howl did not affect me so much anymore. I was thinking more about going home. I wanted to leave here tomorrow with Vova, I was afraid to be alone. The sudden slam of the door made me jump.