A Virgin River Novel

“Um…Yeah. We’ll work together on this, make sure everything is covered…”

Her arms still around his waist, looking up at him with those large, sad eyes, she said, “Maybe I could make you dinner this weekend…”

He was shaking his head before she even finished. “We have to keep this in perspective, Terri. We’re going to be parents together, I guess. But that relationship we had, such as it was? We’re not going to have that relationship anymore. We can’t. It’ll only complicate a situation that’s already complicated.”

Her face fell. She looked down. “I see,” she said.

He put a finger under her chin, lifting her face so their eyes met. “We’re in this together, but we’re not a couple. We never were.”

She took a breath. “If I’m going to carry the baby, it would be nice if I also had some affection.”

He put a small kiss on her brow. “You have that. As the mother of my child.”

“You’re absolutely sure nothing could grow between us? As we have this baby together?”

“Terri, my intention is to be good to you and be a good father. But if there was something more between us, we both would have known before this, before now. I think what we can be is good friends, good parents. Let’s shoot for that, huh?”

“Sure,” she said with a sad smile. “Sure. That’s something, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Terri. That’s all I have. And until that night I called, I think that’s all you had. Think about it—we never even had phone calls. We just weren’t that connected. Let’s move ahead. Let’s see if we can make this work for the child.”

“Then I guess it’ll have to be enough,” she said, pulling her arms from around him.

For the first time he thought, what if she takes this child away from me? What if she finds someone else, some guy, willing to be that husband and father? And it puts me in the way? I have to know more about this kind of thing, he thought. I have to know what I can do about this.

“That’s all I can ask.” He gave her shoulders a brief, friendly squeeze. “I’ll be in touch.”

Vanessa had almost every piece of clothing she owned spread out across the bed. She was trying to pack for a trip to Grants Pass to visit Matt’s parents and she wanted to look her best. She had asked her mother-in-law, Carol, if she would please invite Paul to dinner. She hadn’t seen him since the baby was born and she’d so like to get his attention. But when Vanessa looked in the mirror, she saw a waist that was still too thick, breasts too heavy for her tops and thighs that felt like tree trunks. She couldn’t get into any of her old clothes and she’d be damned if she’d wear maternity clothes. The baby was almost two months old.

Vanessa had always been sure of herself. Her mother had called her feisty, her father proclaimed her a handful, her best friends from the airline told her she was a fearless extrovert and counted on her to handle difficult situations with pilots or passengers. Matt had called her his fiery-haired vixen.

Around Carol, however, she lacked confidence. Carol was chic, perfect, successful and took self-assurance to the next level. Vanessa and Carol seemed to disagree on everything, and Carol managed to get her way at all times by wearing the most engaging smile. Carol Rutledge was possibly the only woman alive Vanessa had trouble standing up to. On top of that, Vanni felt she looked fat.

Frustrated, she pulled on a pair of jeans with an elastic waistband and her riding boots. She found her father in the great room. “Hey, Dad. Matt’s asleep and should be down for another hour or two. Can you listen for him while I take a short ride? I won’t be long.”

“Take your time,” he said, barely looking up from his book.

“Thanks.”

At least she was finally cleared to ride again. The exercise and glorious spring weather was good for her spirits. When she got to the stable, she noticed the door to the tack room was ajar. She heard something, hopefully not a mouse. She pushed the door open a bit further and saw her younger brother Tom sitting on the bench, paging through a book. “Whatcha doin?” she asked.

He jumped in surprise, slammed the book shut and hid it behind his back. His cheeks brightened and he looked like he wanted to die. She walked into the room and reached behind him, grabbing onto the book. She withdrew The Joy Of Sex.

“Is this mine?” she asked.

He shrugged.

“This is mine!” she said.

“Come on, Vanni. Be a sport, huh?”

“Where did you find this?”

“I had to clean out the garage for Dad,” he said.

“But this must have been packed up in my stuff,” she said. “You’re not, you know—using this to—You know.”

“What?” he asked, brows drawn together in confusion. Then he caught her meaning; she thought he was using the pictures to beat off. “No! Jesus, no!”

“Well, then what?”

He shrugged. “I was just a little curious. That’s all.”

She flipped through the pages. It was an old book, but quite graphic. “You and Brenda aren’t having enough joy?”

He frowned. Sometimes he hated his sister, and this was one of them. “No, if you must know.”

“She suggest a little homework?”

“Vanni, we haven’t done it, all right?”

Her head snapped up in surprise. She smiled wryly and lifted a brow. “Really?” she said, grinning.

He hated her. “Really,” he said.

“You’re a virgin?”

“Vanni, so help me—”

He was. He’d made it all the way to eighteen with his virginity intact? Whew, she thought. Either he wasn’t as motivated as most boys his age or he was awfully well mannered. “Hmm,” she said. And then it hit her—she and Dad were going to Grants Pass with the baby for the weekend. “Oh-oh.”

“Don’t start,” he warned her.

“You have a date this weekend, Tommy?” she asked him.

He put his head in his hands. “God, why couldn’t I have had a big brother…”

“I presume you’re totally covered?” she asked him.

“I swear, if you say anything to anyone, especially—”

“Are you?” she asked a little hotly.

He looked up at her, almost bored. “Ask yourself—does the general’s boy have the facts about sexual responsibility? Does he have a drawer full of rubbers and all the birth control information available to the entire U.S. Army? Does the kid know anything about STDs? You wanna give me a frickin’ break here? Who is your father, huh?”

“Yeah, okay,” she said. Dad probably started talking to him about this stuff when he was three. “I’ll give you that one.” She flipped through the pages. She held the book open, turned it around toward him and gave it back to him. “Read this page. Memorize this page. I’m going for a short ride.”

She saddled up and took one of the horses out on the trail along the river, thinking about how long it had been since she’d even anticipated making love. Matt left almost a year ago and didn’t come back. She envied Tom, and she was frankly very surprised he was still untouched.

Well, if they were going to do it, she hoped her little brother would do a decent job of it. Vanessa’s first time had been a waste of time. But hopefully Brenda would fare better—the page she had shown Tom was all about the clitoris.

Carol and Lance Rutledge had been down to Virgin River twice in the past few months. First, last December to bury their son on the general’s land, an event that was understandably painful. If it wasn’t bad enough that they’d lost their only son, they had nothing to say about where he’d be laid to rest, and Carol had been stiff and angry about the decisions she felt Vanessa had made alone.

The Rutledges came back right after the baby was born to see their first and what would be their only grandchild. Those visits had been tense until Carol softened toward the baby. Lance, however, was very like his son had been—laid-back, cuddly, humorous. Carol was cool; a well-decked and still sexy grandmother who said, “Ew,” when the baby spit up on her blouse.

Now that the baby was almost two months, Vanni and Walt were going to them for the first time. Vanessa had always hated these visits, even when Matt was alive. Lance Rutledge was so easy to get along with, so unflappable. And, as men will do, Matt and his dad had hung together during visits and either ignored or were oblivious to any discord between the women.

Vanni wasn’t the only one who had trouble getting along with Carol. She and Matt had laughed about how Carol blamed Paul for talking Matt into quitting college to join the Marine Corps. Paul had gone back to college and received his degree in engineering while Matt stayed with the Corps.

The Rutledge home was very large for only two people, up on a hill with a long driveway. Lance was an endodontist and Carol had been in real estate for many years and was a real mover and shaker in the business world of Grants Pass. They were certainly successful enough to retire, but they both enjoyed their work, social lives and vacations.

Carol Rutledge didn’t look her age. She was fit and trim with thick auburn hair that she kept short, manicured nails, a drop-dead wardrobe and, though this was supposed to be a secret, a woman who had benefited from a face-lift that made her look more a youthful fifty than sixty. Before pregnancy and childbirth, Vanni felt equal by comparison, but at the moment, breasts straining at her shirts, hips too wide and waistless, nails trimmed down short, she felt dowdy and insecure.

When they arrived, Lance grabbed the baby immediately, thrilled to be nuzzling him, while Carol stood beside him, giving the baby a few pats. Vanni wandered into the house, so large and richly decorated. Eventually she moved down the hall to peek into the room Matt had used as a teenager, looking at all the memorabilia. It was everywhere—pictures, letters from high school teams, trophies, posters, airplane models. It hadn’t been preserved, but restored, like a shrine. A small framed picture of the baby now rested on the bureau, as though Matt would be back directly. It almost made Vanni cry.

That evening, as Lance turned steaks on the grill with Walt and the women keeping him company on the deck, Vanni learned that Carol had at least one surprise in store for her. “I’ve invited another guest to dinner tomorrow night, Vanessa,” Carol told her. “A friend of ours—a young doctor I met through work. His name is Cameron and he’s just darling.”

“Carol, you’re not fixing me up, are you?”

“Of course not! But I didn’t think it was too soon for you to meet someone. If you two get along, maybe sometime in the future…”

“She’s fixing you up,” Lance said.

“That’s what it sounds like,” Walt agreed.

“Oh God,” Vanni said miserably.

“Stop it, all of you. We’ve had Cameron to dinner before, and he’s charming. I happen to like him.”

“But, Carol, Paul will be here, too.”

“I know, honey,” she said brightly. “I’m sure they’ll hit it off. I know if Matt were with us, he’d like Cameron.”

How could she do that so well? Make Vanni feel guilty, as though Matt would want her to meet this Cameron? Vanni’s pants immediately began to feel more snug, her belly rounder, her breasts bulkier and nails choppier. Not only would she look plump and awkward to Paul, but to two men. She tried to be ready for anything with Carol, but hadn’t counted on something like this, a new widow with a baby just two months old—and two bachelors at dinner. One of whom she had been missing. Missing so much.

“We should talk about what you’re going to do next, Vanessa,” Carol said smoothly. “With just the smallest interest in real estate, I could take you into our firm. Your hours would be flexible for the baby, the market is good right now and it would set you up for a successful career.” She beamed. “I could work alongside you until you get your sea legs.”

Vanni wanted to die. She’d rather have an ax firmly planted in her skull than work with Carol every day. “I’m…ah…afraid real estate doesn’t appeal to me much.”

“You can’t be thinking of flying again,” Carol said. “Really, I could help. At least give it a fair chance.”

“Thank you,” she said. “It’s too soon for me to think about that now. I’ll let you know.”

“Good girl,” Carol said, patting her knee and smiling.

Vanni was a long way from having Carol figured out. She seemed to be trying to be helpful, but she plowed through every polite, “No, thank you,” and did as she pleased. She’d made Vanni’s wedding a nightmare with her interference. Vanni’s mother had been deceased only a short time, and Carol had wanted to step in and help in that role, but she took over. Carol had not liked the colors of the bridesmaids’ dresses; she preferred coral to pale green. She thought that by getting a consensus from the bridesmaids and paying for the ones she liked, the problem was solved, but Vanni had hated them. When she had appealed to Matt, he had said, “What’s wrong with orange, or whatever that is? They look nice and the girls like them.”

“They clash with my hair!” Vanni had tearfully argued. “There will be pictures…”

“Look,” said Matt, the peacekeeper. “She doesn’t have a daughter—why not let her have her way about some small things?” So Vanni let it go and Carol changed the flowers from Vanni’s favorites of calla lilies to white roses and baby’s breath. She added a hundred names to her guest list and presided over the parties and wedding reception as though it was her wedding, cracking the whip over caterers and florists like an Egyptian pharaoh. “Try not to worry about little things,” Matt had said. “Really, she’s only trying to help. She just wants everything to be beautiful for us.” It left Vanni in the uncomfortable position of fighting it out with her future husband or future mother-in-law.

As for Saturday night’s dinner, Cameron arrived a good half hour before Paul for drinks. Vanni suspected Carol had told Cameron six and Paul six-thirty, and because of that, Vanni didn’t give Carol any credit at all for coming up with a perfectly nice man in her attempted setup.

But the man who stood before Vanessa had absolutely no excuse for being thirty-five and single. He was so good-looking, he could make a woman pee her pants. He was six feet with dark hair, heavy, expressive brows, sexy dimples in his cheeks when he smiled and teeth so white that they almost made you gasp when he grinned. And he grinned hugely when he met Vanessa.

“You’re a doctor, I’m told,” Vanni said.

“Uh-huh. Pediatrician,” he answered, and she thought—Carol has outdone herself. What is sexier than that? Gorgeous, hot and loves kids.

“And yet, you don’t have children?”

“I couldn’t work that in. But now that I can, all the good women seem to be taken. But hey, I still have time to father children. Don’t you think?” Grin.

Oh, yeah, she thought. He could probably father them like mad.

Carol directed them to a pair of chairs in the living room—soft comfortable chairs that faced each other at angles, separated by a side table, where they could sit and get to know each other. Walt and Lance resumed their positions on the deck after initial introductions so the couple that was not being fixed up—ha!—could have this intimate little session to themselves. Carol delivered them drinks and then pleaded business in the kitchen, leaving them alone.

So Vanni had what turned out to be a very pleasant conversation with Cameron Michaels. She would have taken him for a doctor at once—though he was broad shouldered and nicely muscled, he was dressed like an ad for GQ. But a children’s doctor? He should have some spit-up on his shoulder or poop on his shoe to be convincing.

He worked with a group of pediatricians in town and had just bought his first real house—through Carol of course. It was much too big for just him, but he couldn’t resist it. And he didn’t think it was too late to fill it with family, if the right woman came along. He asked about Virgin River and the baby, and was fascinated by her home birth with a midwife. She relented to herself that there was nothing about him not to like when the doorbell rang and she began to rise.

Carol flew out of the kitchen like a rocket, aimed at the door. “Stay put—I’ve got it. That will be Paul. Cameron, you’re going to love Paul,” she said on the fly.

Vanni looked around. This pair of chairs was isolated from the rest of the room; a cozy little corner. There was no place for Paul to sit and join them and again she thought—I always underestimate my mother-in-law. She has everything worked out. She must plan to shuffle Paul out onto the deck with Walt and Lance right after introductions. But that’s not what Vanni had in mind.

She stood. “Excuse me,” she said to Cameron. She walked toward the door just as Paul was coming in.

The minute she saw him, she felt more alive. Paul was not as pretty as Cameron, nor even Matt, for that matter. Paul had rougher good looks. He was probably six-two, his arms so strong thanks to years of physical labor in home construction, thick sandy colored hair still cut short in that military fashion. He was tan, had big, gentle hands, a strong jaw and when he saw her his dark eyes sparkled. She nearly ran to him, hugging him close. He lifted her off the ground.

“God,” he said. “It’s so good to see you.” He put her on her feet. “Let me look at you. Aw, Vanni—you look fantastic. It’s like you never had a baby!”

“You’re such a liar,” she laughed.

“Can I see him?”

“You bet,” she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him right down the hall, leaving Carol standing at the door, her greeting ignored. Although little Matt was asleep, she picked him up and presented him to Paul. “Here you go,” she whispered.

Paul didn’t hesitate. He took the baby into his arms, holding him close. “He’s so big.” Then he met Vanni’s eyes. “He looks just like him, doesn’t he?”

“He does.” She smiled. “I’ve compared their baby pictures and it’s just a little Matt all over again.”

Carol’s head popped in the room. “Come on, you two,” she said cheerily. “We have company.” Then she quickly withdrew, clearly expecting them to follow as ordered.

Paul questioned with his eyes and Vanni sighed. “Carol’s trying to fix me up,” she whispered.

“Really?” Paul said. “How do you feel about that?”

“Not thrilled. But it’s not the guy’s fault—and he seems like a perfectly nice guy. Still…”

“Just not ready?” he asked.

“Not for him,” she said, frowning. “Come on, we’d better be social or we’ll be punished. Paul,” she said, touching his arm, “I’ve missed you so much. Tommy misses you, too. You have to come to Virgin River soon. Will you?”

“Sure,” he said with a smile.

She took the baby from him and put him back in the crib. Then, pulling him by the hand, took him to the living room. When they got there, Cameron stood. Carol intercepted Paul, taking his hand out of Vanni’s to pull him forward. “Cameron, this is Paul Haggerty—he was my son’s best friend. He and Vanni are like brother and sister.”

The men shook hands, but there was obvious and instant reticence in the postures of both—Carol wasn’t fooling either one of them. Vanni took it upon herself to drag a chair across the room so that Paul could join them, catching her mother-in-law’s frown out of the corner of her eye. And when they were all called to dinner, Carol seated them according to her plan—she and Lance occupied the heads of the table, Paul sat beside Walt, Vanni beside Cameron. And that’s how they remained.

Another of Carol’s talents was to grease the conversation and she got people talking quickly so that there was no tension at her table. She might as well have had a notebook beside her with specific questions and topics for each person at her table, so that each one had his turn to talk. She did drop into the conversation several times that Paul was Matt’s best man, Paul and Vanessa had been friends for years, Paul worked construction and oh, yes, Cameron was a doctor.

One topic Carol couldn’t control was Virgin River, and at her table were three people who loved it there and extolled all its virtues—from redwoods, mountains, valleys and rivers, to the little bar and grill run by Jack and frequented by friends and neighbors, reuniting Marines, playing host to hunters and fishermen.

After dessert and coffee, Paul was the first to leave, which Vanni thought must thrill Carol. But that was all right, because Vanni walked him outside. They hugged. “I don’t think of you as a brother,” she said.

He laughed. “And I don’t think of you as a sister.”

“I wish she hadn’t done that.”

“Carol does as she pleases. She always has. We understand that,” Paul said.

“I wanted to spend more time with you. How are you, really?”

“I’m doing okay. And you? Really? How are you doing with missing him?”

“I’ll always miss him. I miss him as much as you do, Paul.”

“Yeah,” he said, hanging his head for a moment. “Can’t really help that, can we?”

“But I don’t cry about him so much anymore. Matt wouldn’t want that—and he said so—he made me promise. Plus, Mattie takes a lot of energy, and gives me so much joy. I’m riding again—which is a wonderful diversion. Come down, Paul. For a weekend. Soon. Ride with me…play with the baby.”

Carol stuck her head out the front door. “Vanessa? I think I hear the baby.”

Vanni took a breath. “Well, Carol, you can pick him up if he’s crying. Or you can tell my dad—he knows what to do.”

“Oh,” Carol said. “Sure. But you’ll be in soon?”

“Soon,” Vanni said, an irritated edge to her voice.

The door softly closed and Paul chuckled.

“God,” Vanni said, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. “That woman…”

“It’s just Carol. No one takes her seriously.”

“To their peril,” Vanni said. Then she looked up at Paul. “Please—come to Virgin River soon. We all miss you. Especially me.”

“Yeah, I should do that. So—what do you think of that guy? At least she found you a doctor.”

She laughed. “She should get credit for that, huh?” She shrugged. “He seems pretty nice—and it’s not his fault he got fixed up with someone who isn’t interested.”

“You’ll be ready one of these days.”

I’m ready now, she wanted to say.

He kissed her forehead. “I’ll give you a call. We’ll set something up—get together soon.”

“Please,” she said, very conscious of the fact that she had been the one calling him since the baby’s birth. And then she watched him go. So, I may not think of him as a brother, but he still thinks of me as his best friend’s wife. She feared that might never change.

Tommy and Brenda had gone to a lot of trouble to arrange a whole night alone at the Booth house while the general and Vanni were both away in Grants Pass, but all that preplanning backfired. Brenda was edgy. Maybe scared. Not ready for it. Tom could tell after fifteen minutes that this wasn’t going the way he thought it would. The way she had said she wanted it to.

So, he throttled back. “Relax,” he said. “We’ll just watch a movie. We don’t have to do anything.”

“You’ll be disappointed,” Brenda said.

“No, I won’t,” he lied. “I told you a hundred times—we’re not going all the way until you’re ready. We’ll just watch a movie and curl up. We’ll sleep in our clothes. I’m not going to push you.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what makes me like this. I thought I’d made up my mind.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Bren. Not to me. I like that you’re giving it a lot of thought. I want you to be sure, because afterward, you have to be happy about it, not all screwed up and guilty. There’s no other way it can be, not for us. Since we’re in for the night—should we pilfer a couple of the general’s beers and put on a movie?”

“Yeah,” she laughed.

“You pick the movie, I’ll pick the beer.”

Of course it had to be a chick flick; a real groaner at that. But what the hell, if it made Brenda happy, it made him happy. Halfway through the movie and the beer, the kissing started and he thought, God bless chick flicks. They might be boring, but they sure did warm up the girls.

They reclined on the sofa and pressed their bodies tightly against each other, kissing wildly, openmouthed, tongues going nuts. He got hard, of course. By now she was used to that and she liked it, grinding against him very nicely, getting some good feelings of her own. This sort of thing had been happening between them for a while now, and it was extremely satisfying. And while Tom didn’t want her to do anything she’d regret, he definitely wanted to try out what he’d learned on page ninety-seven. Shew—the magic button. He just wanted to touch the magic button one time. Just for a second. Just to see what happened.