Saying 'Yes!' to the Boss

“At least tell me if it hurt the first time,” Lily said. “I can’t get a straight answer on that.”

“It did,” Noelle admitted. “It’s a little awkward. I didn’t know where to put my arms and stuff.”

Lily winced. “But Dev made it okay, right? He talked you through everything.”

“Yes, Dev was very patient and…and he made me laugh so I stopped being embarrassed. He made it great.”

If he hadn’t known better, even he would have been convinced by her words. But he did know better. Noelle was saying all the right things to convince her sister.

He stepped back into the house and quietly closed the slider. If Jimmy had been the typical twenty-yearold, Noelle’s first and only night of passion probably hadn’t been anything she remembered fondly. He, Dev, hadn’t been anything great in bed at that age. He found himself wanting to apologize for something that wasn’t his fault.

Later, when Lily left, he found Noelle in the kitchen.

“Did you enjoy having your sister drop by?” he asked.

She looked up from the vegetables she was chopping and smiled. “She’s always fun.”

“I started to come out on the patio to join you, but I heard what you were talking about,” he said.

She frowned for a second, then blushed. “Oh. That.”

“Thanks for the compliment.”

Her mouth twisted in a half smile. “I had to say something. I couldn’t admit my first time had been with Jimmy.”

“Or that it hadn’t been very good.”

She set down the knife and looked at him. “How did you know?” she asked, sounding shocked. “Did he say anything? Did he tell you I was awful?”

“He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.” Dev leaned against the counter. “It comes with the territory. Most young guys aren’t great in bed. They haven’t had the time to develop any skills, nor are they especially interested in anything but getting laid.” He grinned sheepishly. “At twenty, it’s all about getting laid.”

She eyed him. “Even for you?”

“I wasn’t always this smooth.”

That made her smile. “Thanks for telling me. I wasn’t sure what to think…I didn’t hate it, but it was…”

“Fast?” he asked wryly.

“A little. It hurt. I didn’t bleed or anything, but there was a lot of pressure and stretching.” She ducked her head. “I couldn’t figure out where everything went and I wasn’t comfortable asking questions.”

Dev had never made love with a virgin, but he would guess her complete lack of experience would complicate an already difficult situation.

“Next time it will be better,” he told her, refusing to picture the moment with Noelle. “As men get older, they learn a few things.”

“Like?”

He shifted, not sure he wanted to get into this with her. Talking about sex made it too easy to imagine making love with her. He did his best to shut down that part of his brain. Unfortunately his body refused to cooperate.

“It takes longer.”

She made a face. “And that’s a good thing?”

He laughed. “Okay, let me start at the beginning. Once the need for volume fades a little, most men start to get interested in pleasing their partners. There are things a man can do to make a woman excited and passionate about the experience. Once that happens, then yes, lasting longer is a good thing.”

She didn’t look convinced. She opened her mouth, then closed it.

The smart move would be to end the conversation now…before he got too interested. But he liked Noelle too much to shut her down.

“If you can’t ask me, who are you going to ask?” He shrugged. “What do you want to know?”

She looked at him. “So women do really have orgasms?” she asked, as color climbed up her cheeks.

“Sure. There are different ways of making that happen.”

He had a sudden and powerful image of Noelle naked, her knees bent, legs pulled back as he kissed her intimately, his tongue swirling around the very heart of her arousal. He wanted to cross the kitchen, strip off her clothes and touch every part of her. He wanted to taste her and feel her quiver beneath him as she experienced her very first climax.

“How do you know it’s happening?” she asked.

This was the strangest conversation he’d ever had. “If you have to ask, it didn’t happen.”

Despite her obvious embarrassment, she smiled. “That’s not very helpful.” She sighed. “I’ll have to take your word for all this. I don’t want to say anything bad about Jimmy, but that one night wasn’t very thrilling. Given the choice, I’d never do that again. But if it could be different…”

He felt blood swelling in his groin at the thought of showing her the possibilities.

“You’ve been with a lot of women,” she said.

A dangerous statement, he thought as he remained carefully quiet.

“Did they all like the sex part?”

“Yes.”

“You can be sure?”

“Good question and my male ego says yes. To the best of my knowledge, they all did.”

“So you can tell when a woman, uh…” The blush had returned, more fiery than ever.

“There are…physical manifestations.”

She looked startled. “You can feel that with your…” She cleared her throat. “You can feel that?”

“Sometimes.”

He didn’t want to get into the fact that they were easier to feel with his fingers than his erection. That comment would only lead to a discussion on what his fingers would be doing inside of her.

“Maybe you could get a book or something,” he said, wishing he could think of a good way to change the subject. If they kept this topic up much longer, she was going to notice his arousal and God knows what questions would follow then.

Noelle was far more curious than he’d realized. With his luck, she would want to see and touch and then they’d been in real trouble.

“I don’t think I could go into a bookstore and buy something like that,” she said.

“That’s why we have the Internet.” He paused. “Okay, then. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.” He hurried from the kitchen and wondered how long it had been since he’d felt such a need for a woman, and if a cold shower would be any help at all.

“So,” Crissy said with a grin. “You’re married. How’s that going?”

Noelle laughed, which was a mistake because three stitches slipped off her needles and when she tried to put them back, she pulled out half a row.

“Good,” she said. “I mean, we’re adjusting. Dev is great. He’s really considerate and sweet. He didn’t know it was my birthday and when he found out, he bought me a laptop.”

Rachel sighed. “I really like that in a man. Someone who respects a good appliance. So romantic.”

“I thought it was a great gift,” Noelle said defensively. “I can really use it at college and the one he picked is small and lightweight and has wireless Internet. This isn’t a regular marriage. I didn’t expect a romantic gift.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows as she looked at Crissy. “She seems to be very protective of the new Mr. Noelle.”

“I noticed that,” Crissy said. “Interesting.”

Noelle knew they were only teasing. “You’re just jealous.”

“A little,” Rachel said. “Although last year one of my students brought me a baby white mouse for my birthday. It was very touching.”

Crissy laughed. “I would have run screaming from the room, but that’s just moi.” She looked back at Noelle. “You’re really doing okay? No weirdness?”

“The entire situation is weird. Dev is really great, but we don’t know each other. I’m not sure what he expects from me or even what I expect from him. So far we’re being very polite.”

“Good manners are always helpful,” Crissy offered. “I’m in favor of them.”

“Well, he knows plenty. We’re both trying. He even suggested I talk to a grief counselor about Jimmy if I thought I should.” She put down her project and leaned forward. “I told him I was fine. The thing is, I don’t feel like I need one. I missed Jimmy a lot at first, and I felt horrible after he died, but I’m not spending much time missing him.” Not really any time, she thought glumly. “Is that natural? Am I an awful person?”

Rachel looked at her. “For the sake of humor, I want to say ‘yes,’ but as your friend, I’ll tell the truth. Of course not. You feel what you feel. You guys didn’t date that long. It was intense because he left and then came back. Noelle, you never promised to love him forever.”

“But I slept with him.”

Crissy sighed. “Honey, women have been messing up their lives by sleeping with the wrong guy for centuries. You did it, I did it, I’m sure Rachel will admit she’s done it.”

Rachel nodded.

“No one can be smart all the time,” Crissy continued. “Circumstances change. We change. You make the best decision you can at the time and let it go.”

“Like marrying Dev,” Rachel added. “He sounds like a great guy. He’s the closest thing to a biological father the baby is going to have so it really makes sense for you two to be together.”

What they said sounded logical, Noelle thought. “I do like him,” she admitted. “This entire situation could have been a nightmare, but he’s gone out of his way to make things easy. I thought…” She smiled. “I thought we’d have nothing in common. I dreaded evenings, wondering what we’d talk about, but it’s easy. We like a lot of the same kinds of movies and he loves peanut butter cookies, which are my favorite.”

He’d even been willing to talk about sex with her, although she wasn’t going to share that with her friends.

“Uh-oh,” Rachel said, glancing at Crissy. “I didn’t see this coming.”

“It was always a possibility,” Crissy told her. “Close proximity, a shared interest, being part of an exciting event. There’s a reason birth rates soar after a blackout.”

Noelle stared at her friends. “What are the two of you talking about?”

“You, honey,” Crissy said. “You’ve got it bad.”

“Got what?” Noelle asked, not sure she wanted to know.

“You’re falling for Dev,” Rachel said kindly. “You have all the signs.”

“What? No! I’m not. I just appreciate how great he is.”

“Him being great is how it starts,” Crissy said.

Noelle refused to believe they were right. She liked Dev—under the circumstances, who wouldn’t? But it didn’t mean anything.

“You’re totally wrong,” she said. “But even if you’re not, what’s the big deal? We’re married. Shouldn’t I at least like the guy?”

“Only if he likes you back,” Crissy said. “The two of you made some pretty specific ground rules. If only one of you is willing to break them, then heartache could be right around the corner. I’d hate to see that happen.”

“I won’t get hurt,” Noelle said. “I like the guy, but that’s not the same as falling in love with him.”

“Keep it that way,” Rachel said. “Love is tricky. Now if you’re talking about breaking the no-sex rule, that’s more interesting.”

Noelle hated that she could already feel herself blushing. She cleared her throat. “Speaking of that,” she said, trying to sound casual, “I’ve been thinking about us, you know, maybe…”

Rachel leaned forward. “Doing the wild thing?”

Noelle groaned. “Don’t say that. It’s just, Jimmy and I, well, it was just the one night and it wasn’t very, you know, good.”

“Now I feel about ninety years old,” Crissy said with a sigh. “I can barely remember my first time. Which isn’t important. Look, technically, you’re married. Of course you’re welcome to have sex with your husband. Just be careful. You already like him. If he dazzles you in bed, you won’t have a chance.”

“I don’t believe that,” Noelle said. “It’s just a bodily function.”

“It can be a lot more,” Rachel told her. “It can be an expression of love that touches every part of you. Crissy’s right. Take care of yourself.”

Noelle wasn’t sure she agreed with their advice. “I’m already pregnant. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Chapter Seven

The doctor’s waiting room was bright, with beautiful prints of mothers holding babies and happy toddlers with balloons or kittens. The seats were comfortable, the music, soft and inspiring. Still it took every ounce of willpower for Noelle to stay in the chair and not run screaming into the night. Or in this case, the early afternoon.

“You’re fidgeting,” Dev said as he flipped through a parenting magazine.

“I’m nervous. I can’t believe I’m here. I don’t feel pregnant. I guess the truth hasn’t sunk in. Plus, I’m terrified. I don’t want there to be anything wrong with the baby. But I’m not sure I even really get there is a baby. Still, I want him or her to be healthy and I know millions and millions of women have done this before, so what’s the big deal. It’s like the circle of life in The Lion King, right?”

Dev stared at her. “You’re quoting a cartoon?”

“One works with what one has.”

“I don’t know that I’d go with that, but okay.” He took her hand and gently squeezed her fingers. “I know you’re scared and this is all new. Just remember—you’re not in this alone, and yes, millions of other couples have gone through it, including our parents.”

“I know. When I finally tell my mom, she’ll be full of great advice. She had four babies in six years. Talk about a pro. She…” Noelle glanced at him. “You never talk about your parents.”

“There’s not that much to say,” he told her. “My mom died when I was sixteen. A previously undiagnosed heart condition. What she had isn’t genetic—it was just one of those things.” He hesitated. “My dad had never been the responsible parent. He lasted about six weeks after her death, then took off. I never knew why, but now, looking back, I think it was guilt.”

“About what?”

“How he treated her. She loved him more than I’d ever seen anyone love another person. She lived for him. She was great to Jimmy and me, but he had her heart. Everything changed the second he came home. Her smile was bright, her laughter easier. But he stayed gone a lot and when he wasn’t there, she moved around like a shadow or a ghost. They used to fight about that—about him staying away so much. He wasn’t one to take responsibility. He spent a lot of time hanging out with his friends and other people.”

Other people? “You think he had affairs?”

Dev shrugged. “Maybe. I saw him with someone once, but he said she was the wife of a friend and he was helping her shop for her husband. I was never sure I believed him. After my mother died, I told him I’d never forgive him for killing her.”

Noelle frowned. “You said it was a problem with her heart.”

“It was, but I think she was happy to go because she’d lived her whole life loving someone who wouldn’t love her back. Then he left—abandoned his family.”

Dev was the most logical, practical person she knew. For him to say his mother, in essence, died of a broken heart, shocked her.

Equally difficult for her was the fact that he’d lost both parents within a few weeks of each other. Whatever problems his father might have had, how could he have abandoned his two sons?

“My grandfather moved right into the house,” Dev said. “He was pushing seventy, but that didn’t stop him from doing all the things our dad had never done—like playing ball and coming to school games and stuff. He always had time for me.”

“He loved you,” she said, seeing the truth in Dev’s eyes.

“He was a good man.”

Just like Dev, she thought, knowing she didn’t ever have to worry about him walking out on her child. He was going to be there for both of them, no matter what.

When Dev had been twelve, he’d fallen out of a tree and had broken his arm so badly that part of the bone had stuck through the skin. There’d been enough blood to float a ship and, despite the pain, he hadn’t felt the least bit woozy. But when he and Noelle left the doctor’s office nearly forty minutes later, he had a bad feeling he was seconds from passing out.

They were both laden down with brochures, a couple of books, prescriptions for vitamins, reading lists and notes.

“I have a due date,” she said as she walked beside him down the hallway. “That’s good.”

“Yes, it is.”

“And she said everything is fine, so that makes me happy. It won’t be long until we can hear a heartbeat. That’s exciting.”

“Very.”

He concentrated on his breathing, knowing that passing out now wouldn’t help anyone.

“Of course there’s a lot to think about. I’m going to have to change my diet a little. And get more exercise. I mean I exercise a lot, but it’s casual—not organized. I hadn’t thought of prenatal yoga. I don’t think I’m that bendy, but I could try.”

“Trying would be good.”

There was only the main reception area of the women’s center, then they would be in the parking lot. Despite the summer heat, he couldn’t wait to get outside and away from all this.

“Dev?”

“Yes?”

“Are you as scared as I am?”

He glanced at Noelle and saw terror in her blue eyes. Her mouth trembled and she looked as ready to bolt as he felt.

He stopped and faced her. “Too much information?”

“Oh, yeah. And those diagrams. One of my friends talked about the birthing process as having too many fluids and I have to say, I agree with her.”

Some of his tension eased as he smiled. “You only have to do it,” he said. “I may have to watch.”

“Oh, sure. Because watching is so much worse than passing something the size of a bowling ball through something else the size of a pea.”

His smile turned into a grin. “I’m not ready for this, either. I knew you were pregnant, but until this appointment…” He wasn’t sure how to explain.

“The baby wasn’t real.”

“Right.”

She sighed. “For me, either. It was a concept. Kind of like knowing the holidays are coming, but avoiding malls and shopping. A baby. There’s going to be a real baby. I’m not ready for this. At least you’ve done it before.”

“I haven’t had a baby. Jimmy was six when my mother died and then my grandfather took over. I’m only responsible for the last ten years of life.”

Which had been, Dev acknowledged, a total disaster. If only he’d handled things differently, Jimmy wouldn’t be dead right now.

“So neither of us knows what we’re doing,” she said as she started walking toward the foyer. “I hope no one tells the baby.”

As they walked toward the exit, he spotted a large open kiosk filled with different brochures.

“Maybe they have some information over there,” he said, turning in that direction.

“Or classes,” Noelle said. “We could take a class. That would be great. I helped my mom with Tiffany a lot, but I don’t remember very much of it.”

They each started grabbing brochures. Noelle spotted a clipboard.

“Here’s a parenting seminar for kids of all ages. Oh, look. The baby one’s starting in a couple of weeks. We could take that.”

“Sign me up,” Dev said, wanting to take all of them right now. He could still hear Jimmy yelling at him that he wasn’t his father, and then running out of the house.

Dev had tried, but his best had fallen way short of his brother’s needs. Even after the fact, looking back, he couldn’t figure out where he’d gone so wrong. He was determined not to repeat those mistakes with Noelle’s baby, but if he didn’t know what they were, how could he avoid them?

They left the center and headed toward the parking lot. Ten feet from Dev’s car, Noelle came to a stop and looked at him.

“I can’t do this,” she said frantically. “I mean I really can’t. I’m not ready to have a baby. I’m too young and inexperienced. I’m panicking. You need to talk me down.”

“I’m older and I’m panicked, too, so get in line.”

“What? But you’re so together.”

“Not about this,” he told her.

They stared at each other. Between them, they probably had every brochure ever printed on the subject of child birth and child rearing. They each had a couple of books, along with lists of resources.

She drew in a deep breath. “Okay, so we should probably calm down. The baby won’t be here for seven more months. We’re smart and capable. We can prepare.”

Her words made sense. “Plus it won’t expect much when it’s born. Food, clean diapers, a place to sleep.”

“Exactly. So we’re fine.”

They dropped their bags, brochures and lists into the trunk then got into the car. Before he started the engine, he glanced at her.

“How many classes did you sign us up for?” he asked.

“I think three. Maybe four. They’ll call to confirm.”

“There were three baby classes?”

She cleared her throat. “Well, no. One of them was for toddlers, but I thought…”

The panic faded and when it did, reason returned. One corner of his mouth twitched and he imagined what they must have looked like, frantically grabbing every brochure and stuffing them into bags.

“Good thing they don’t charge for the literature,” he said, fighting laughter.

Her eyes brightened with humor. “That would be some bill. I’d have to go back to work.”

“Or we could sell some furniture.”

They were both smiling now. She started to chuckle.

“Okay, I’ll admit it—I totally lost it. But you did, too.”

He held up both hands. “I agree. I am not ready to be a father.”

“Same here. The idea of a child using the ‘m’ word gives me the willies.”

He stared into her beautiful face and touched her cheek. “You’ll be a great mom. You have all the qualities.”

“Thanks. I feel the same way about you being a dad.”

Before he could tell her he’d already failed at that, she added, “If I had to totally freak out over this, I’m glad it was with you.”

“Me, too.”

There was something about her smile and the way she gazed at him. Something that drew him closer until, without planning the move, he pressed his mouth against hers.

The kiss started out simply enough. Just lips touching. He continued to stroke her cheek, but that was okay because he meant it to be a friendly, comforting gesture. Nothing about the action was supposed to be sexual.

Then she shifted closer and tilted her head slightly. The invitation was clear and irresistible. Fire exploded inside him, fueled by a need that he could barely contain.

Before he could tell himself he shouldn’t, he touched his tongue to her lower lip. Even as she put her hands on his shoulders, she parted for him.

Despite his growing desire, he moved slowly, wanting to give her time to back away, or at least give him a good hard slap. He traced the inside of her lower lip, feeling her smooth skin and tasting her sweetness. When she didn’t pull back, he gently touched the tip of her tongue with his.

Delicious, exquisite torture, Noelle thought as Dev leisurely deepened their kiss. If she’d been a little more sure of herself, she would have taken things into her own hands, so to speak, but this was their first real kiss and as he’d been the one to initiate it, she figured he could set the pace.

In a way, moving so slowly was good. It gave her time to explore his shoulders and back, to feel the lean muscles there, and the heat of his body. She could breathe in the scent of him and imagine what it would be like if they kept on kissing.

At last he swept into her mouth and claimed her. She sighed in appreciation as he explored her mouth, leaving behind excited tingling everywhere he touched. One of his hands dropped to her shoulder, the other settled on her waist where the weight was oddly unsettling. She had the oddest urge to move closer and maybe nudge his hand higher. She was so shocked to realize that she wanted his hand on her bare breast that she pulled back.

They stared at each other. His dark eyes were bright with a light she hadn’t seen before. Passion, she wondered. Did he desire her?

What was up with her body? She’d kissed before—lots of times. But she couldn’t recalling feeling quite so…melty afterward. And the breast thing? Where had that come from? Jimmy had been the first. It hadn’t been that big a deal. She’d never imagined feeling his fingers on her bare skin.