Her Guilty Secret

Ten minutes after the hour, I accept the fact she isn’t coming.

It’s probably a good thing. I don’t know what the hell I want to say to her, anyway... Hey. I really liked watching you touch yourself. Round two later today?

I wince.

I can’t let it happen again.

I don’t think I can stop it from happening again.

There’s an inevitability that is pulling me to her. And I think I know why.

It’s the Donovan case. I wasn’t expected to win; the press coverage was immense. I’m not comfortable with plaudits in the media. I do what I do not to defend criminals but to defend the law. I have the utmost respect for the law and I do what many won’t.

But I’m tired of it. Dirtied by it. And I need a break. Just a small break, to remember what I love about the simple application of the law. That’s why I’m here. Teaching, talking about the principles of our legal system, about what makes it robust. The passion and energy—the pursuit of importance and goodness—that drew me to this job in the first place.

I could hardly breathe in Dublin. I couldn’t handle the new business the win had attracted. Every crim who has money wants me to defend them—like I’m some kind of magic genie who can wave a wand and keep them out of jail.

I needed a break after Donovan. I needed to unwind. I’ll be better able to practise after I’ve taken some time off.

But, instead of relaxing me, I’m suddenly wound tighter than a spring. Did I actually watch Olivia Amorelli get herself off in the middle of a recently vacated classroom?

What if someone had come in and seen us?

I have to tell her in no uncertain terms that we can’t let that happen again.

We’re both adults. We know what’s at stake. We should be able to negotiate a ceasefire in the war of desire, right?

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