The Feud

Eddie nodded. ‘Good lad. Now, a few ground rules. You don’t say a word to anyone about anything we do. Birds, mates, family – not a soul. If anyone asks, you’re a debt collector.’

Raymond nodded. He understood perfectly.

Deep in thought, Eddie tilted his head. ‘I think it’s probably for the best that I lend you some dough and you get your own place. If any shit hits the fan, you don’t want your parents involved, do you?’

‘I’ve been wanting to leave home for ages anyway. I think the world of me mum and dad, but they do me head in,’ Raymond said frankly.

‘First thing on Monday, Ray, I’m gonna take you out, rent you somewhere and get you kitted out as well. Remember one golden rule: a man is always judged on what he wears. You’ve always got to look the part, wear good clobber. We’ll go up Savile Row and get you a couple of suits from there.’

‘Daddy, what are you doing out here? I want you to see my new toy.’

Eddie picked up Frankie and held her in his left arm. He held his right out to Raymond. ‘Welcome to the family, son.’

After a couple more Scotches, Stanley’s stomach had settled and he was now on the floor playing with the twins.

‘What you got, then? What’s Nanny and Grandad brought you?’ Eddie said, kneeling down.

‘I’ve got a Madame Alexander doll, and Joey’s got a Tonka truck,’ Frankie said proudly.

Eddie admired their gifts and, noticing Gary and Ricky sitting alone, he stood up and walked towards them. ‘You all right, boys?’

‘I’m OK,’ Gary said.

‘Me too,’ said Ricky.

Eddie sat in between them and put an arm around each of them. He’d had the hump earlier when he couldn’t find out who had brought the poxy house he’d wanted and he shouldn’t have taken it out on them for having a dip. ‘Sorry for shouting at you earlier. Listen, I’ll do you a deal. Go and pour your old dad a drink and you can both have a can of lager.’

Gary smiled. ‘Can we really?’

‘Just the one, mind. Now move your arses, ’cause Daddy’s thirsty.’

Eddie felt a pang of guilt as they ran excitedly from the room. They must feel left out sometimes with all the attention showered upon the twins. The poor little sods didn’t have much of a home life and they were good kids at heart.

‘Christ, you must have poured half the bottle in there,’ Ed said to Gary, as he was handed a full glass of Scotch.

Urging the boys to sit down next to him, he told them about his plans for the following weekend. ‘Grandad Harry is organising a surprise party for your Uncle Reg to celebrate his retirement, so we’re going to that on Friday, and you know Pat Murphy who owns that old converted farmhouse not far from here?’

Ricky looked bemused, but Gary nodded. ‘Is that the man you took us to see, he used to be a boxer?’

‘Yep, that’s the one. Well, every year he has this big bank-holiday party, where he invites all his family, all his mates and the neighbours. Well, as we’re neighbours now, we’ve got an invite. I’ve never been before, but it’s meant to be the bollocks. He has everything there, rides for the kids, a boxing ring, there’s a barbecue, a disco. It’s next Sunday, so do yous boys fancy it?’

‘Yeah. Can I have a go at the boxing?’ Gary asked.

‘Me too. I wanna box as well,’ Ricky said.

Eddie gently banged their heads together. ‘Only if you behave yourselves in between.’

‘We will, we promise,’ they both said.

Gary and Ricky both loved boxing. Eddie had sent them up to Peacock Gym in Canning Town at quite a young age and they were both good little prospects, according to their trainer.

Hyped up, Gary and Ricky went out the back to practise their sparring.

‘What party’s that, then?’ Jessica asked, sitting down next to Eddie.

‘Pat Murphy’s. The kids will love it. He has clowns, all sorts of entertainment for them, it’ll give you a chance to meet some of the other wives as well. Next Sunday, it is.’

Jessica squeezed his hand. He was such a softie, her Ed. A real family man. ‘It sounds wonderful. Roll on next week,’ she said, kissing him gently.

‘Mum, Dad, Joey won’t give me my new doll back,’ Frankie whinged.

Seeing his son cradle the doll, Eddie bent down and snatched it away from him. ‘The Tonka truck’s yours. Boys don’t play with dolls, Joey.’

Lip trembling, Joey looked at his father. ‘Sorry, Daddy.’

Eddie put on some music and the rest of the evening swam by.

‘Do you want my body, am I really sexy?’ Joyce sang, getting all Rod Stewart’s lyrics wrong.

Aware that she was pointing at him, Stanley turned his back. ‘Don’t start all that, Joycie, will yer?’

Not used to drinking large amounts of alcohol, Joyce felt her legs go from under her. ‘Oh dear, I think I’m drunk,’ she said, as she clung on to the sofa for dear life.

‘Are you OK, Mum?’ Jessica said, helping her up.

‘Yes, dear. Actually, I feel wonderful.’

Embarrassed, as he’d never witnessed either of his parents so pissed before, Raymond jumped into action. ‘I think we should all call it a night now and get some shut-eye. Give me a hand, Dad, to help Mum up the stairs.’

Used to being told what to do, Stanley jumped to order. ‘Goodnight all,’ he yawned.

Eddie winked at Raymond. ‘I hope the sofa’s comfortable enough for ya. I’ll put the kids to bed and we’ll speak again in the morning,’ he said.

The twins were crashed out on the floor, so Jessica lifted up Joey and Eddie grabbed Frankie. ‘Where’s Gary and Ricky?’ she asked.

Eddie laughed. ‘I told ’em they could have one can of lager and I’m sure the little bastards had about three. I had to help them into bed about an hour ago. I put ’em in Joey’s room.’

Jessica giggled. It had been their first proper get-together in their new home and she had loved every single minute of it.

Whether it was due to the amount of sherry she’d drunk, Joyce wasn’t sure, but for the first time in years, she felt amorous. ‘Stanley, wake up,’ she said, poking her husband in the ribs.

Receiving no response, she moved her hand around a bit. ‘Stanley,’ she said seductively.

Aware of a hand around his cobblers, Stanley jumped up like a bush kangaroo. ‘What the fuck! What are you doing, woman? Have you gone mad?’

Jessica just happened to be passing the guest room as her father bolted out in his Y-fronts.

‘Whatever’s the matter?’ she asked, noticing his shocked expression.

Stanley held his hand over his parcel. ‘It’s your mother – she’s having a funny turn.’

‘What, is she ill?’ Jessica said, panicking.

‘No, not that kind of funny turn,’ Stanley said, embarrassed.

Realising what had happened, Eddie grabbed Jessica and dragged her into their bedroom. Hysterical, he could barely speak for laughing.

‘Your mother’s after a bunk-up.’

‘Oh, don’t say that,’ Jessica said, mortified.

Hearing raised voices, Jessica poked her head around the bedroom door.

‘I mean it, Joycie, if you touch me again in that way, I’ll go and sleep downstairs in the armchair,’ she heard her father say.

Hand over her mouth, Jessica stood in stupefied shock. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said to Eddie.

Unable to stop laughing, Eddie grabbed her and threw her onto the bed. ‘You are so naive, Jessica Mitchell, and do you know what? I fucking well love you for it.’

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