Simple Truths of Life

Even before our second meeting, I was thinking that I need to tell her about my life so that she knows and can make a decision whether I suit her or not. I thought that I should immediately mention that I am looking for a girlfriend in order to have a serious relationship; it is not easy for me to be alone without love, and so I would not tell such a story if it was not true, as I perfectly understand what most people will think about me.

At the place where the newlyweds leave locks, D expressed her disapproval of marriages of convenience. She was only for a love marriage. Then I asked her about the 38-year-old man and how his inadequacy was expressed – so that I can learn from his mistakes.

We sat down by the pond and continued our conversation. On this day, I almost did not stutter, having done work regarding my mistakes. D noticed this.

I told her my story with stuttering, from the sad events that happened when I was five, and to me forgiving my father for his old drunken act. I got the impression that she did not really believe in the simplicity of the truth of stuttering. Perhaps the fact that I sometimes stuttered because of my stubbornness to get everything out of my head played a role in this.

I think I touched on the topic of Thiaoouba and talked a little about reincarnation. She jokingly rejected the idea of reincarnation. She herself said several times that we live only once. But she told about her dream where she saw Jesus, and mentioned that she believed in him. I found it interesting, as I saw that we had something in common. Because of this, she began to interest me even more. Then she mentioned that she knew quite a bit about psychology…

After some time, she took me to a cafe to deprive me of my “restaurant virginity”.

I ordered myself a Caesar salad, which I once bought for the CEO in the office where I worked as a courier. She chose fish, and we decided to try pear tea.

While talking about movies and TV shows, we came across the topic of Auras and capitalism. I told her that if Aura could be photographed in every clinic, and it would immediately diagnose the physical and mental state of a person, it would leave many people without work – why money is the main mistake of our society. She thought about it and agreed.

We ate and the bill was brought to us. Seeing the familiar figure of 2020 rubles, I immediately remembered ZOZO and how the previous time I saw this number, I was deceived by the book publisher. But, if we take this number as a sign of danger, what could be dangerous in this situation? The girl was pretty sweet and said things that I mostly agreed with. Yes, she called me to a cafe herself at my expense, but it was the beginning of summer, and we had just emerged from the two-month self-isolation – it is not a crime to go once to a restaurant. In addition, in Russia it is accepted for some reason that man pays for a woman in such establishments, and she mentioned earlier in the voice message that usually guys themselves invite girls to cafes, but due to various nuances she decided to ask herself. As for the Cafe Siren' (“Cafe Lilac” in literal translation), in which we were, I knew about its existence for a long time. In fact, the cafe has been around since 1956. There can be no problems here.

I paid by credit card for our dinner, and D told me about the meaning of the blue plastic cup, in which people usually leave money to tip the waiters. She said that usually it is about a hundred rubles. The minimum banknote in my wallet was five hundred rubles. Naturally, I could not tip that much, but I also did not want to leave nothing at all as this was my first time in a restaurant. Then I found the only 2 coins in my wallet – the same 20 rubles that I got from the vending machine with water 2 days ago when buying kvass. Yet another ZO…

I left 20 rubles as a tip, and D and I went for a walk.

I think that it was then that D began to speak in a way that showed that she was not interested in a relationship with me – if I was interested in a girl, I would not be telling her “when you find a boyfriend…”, or something like that. I think that I was a little upset because of this realization, but at the same time I was glad that I was getting at least some kind of life experience, and I was not just wandering alone among a city populated by millions of people.

During the conversation, it became clear that she loves money and material things. She mentioned how she could buy clothes for 20,000 rubles so that they would just hang in the closet. She also loved to travel and visited different countries.

The sun went down, and I decided to walk with D to her stop as it was already dark. She told me that she had made an appointment with a doctor for diagnostics, as she had been sleeping badly for a year, falling asleep only in the morning. By looking at her it was not at all obvious that she had problems with sleep, since I know perfectly well from my own experience what state a person would be in at 10 PM after many months of lack of sleep. D was very cheerful, but I was beginning to yawn…

I told her about my experience with meditation, thanks to which I began to fall asleep calmly and quickly many years ago. I advised her to try to concentrate on the breath or on the sounds around her, and perhaps then she would not have to go to the doctor.

Not far from the stop, she unexpectedly said goodbye to me, touching my hand and never once looking into my eyes. It was so unexpected that I did not even wish her a good night’s sleep. I decided that I would text her good night when I get home, since I did not have a normal internet tariff on my phone.

Naturally, I understood that with this girl I most likely would not have anything. Plus, I could not help thinking about ZOZOZO. Thanks to my spirituality, I realized that this was no coincidence, but I still could not see the full picture…

Anyway, we had previously planned to meet on Sunday for biking in the park, and I thought to tell D upon our meeting more about Thiaoouba and my early sexual experiences just to see what would happen and what I could learn.

But I decided to make a rule for myself that I will not go to any cafes and restaurants with a girl until we are in a relationship – this will weed out those who do not want a serious relationship, but only want to use a person for a free dinner.

At home, I wrote her a wish for a peaceful sleep, and on Saturday morning my mother and I went to the village. We took the seedlings with us.

I arrived in the evening, and a new voice message from D was waiting for me. For some reason she decided to move an old closet out of her room – all because she did not like it. I did not quite understand what this message was for, but it again became clear to me that D and I have a huge abyss in terms of seeing materialistic things.

On Sunday, I wrote to D about the meeting, but mentioned that I was very tired after the trip to the village, in which I had to quickly repair the shower’s roof that blown off by a hurricane wind, and I would just like to sit somewhere and chat. I saw that she was online in WhatsApp but did not reply. After a while, I called her to make the appointment. She said that she had just woken up and could not think of anything that we could go to.

Earlier I read on the Internet about scammers and how girls often get acquainted with guys on dating sites, and if they do not like the man, they just go to a cafe with him to eat for free at someone else's expense. It is interesting to mention that one person wrote that 8 out of 10 girls he invited to dinner just wanted to eat at his expense. The Pareto Principle is back in action…

There I also read how some women pretended to be sick in order to lure hundreds of thousands of rubles out of a man for “treatment”… Then some of the things said by D began to take on a different color…

Having not made an appointment with D, I thought of going to Gorky Park to continue my search for the girlfriend. But I decided that I would go to WhatsApp when I am near the metro – what if D still decides to meet? And she did text me about her desire to meet and ride on the bicycles – did she forget what I told her regarding my sick and tired hands after the village? Or did she not care?

Okay. Despite my physical state, I was not averse to trying for once in the century to ride a bicycle in the park and get some new impressions.

Next, D texted me how we could go to drink tea with ginger… Then she wrote about the solarium, saying that she would stay in it for a while.

At first, I thought to say upon meeting her that I would not go to a cafe, since I can no longer spend a lot of money – in any case, we met to ride bicycles and not go to a cafe. But because of my decency, I decided to warn D that we would not go to the cafe. She wrote that she could pay herself, or we could not go there at all.

The next message I received almost 2 hours later, when D wrote: “Hello, I probably won’t have time…”. She did not answer my follow-up questions, although she read my messages – as was seen in WhatsApp.

D only briefly replied the next day that she had decided to get ready for work. She never apologized for not writing anything at all the previous day, when I was waiting for her in the park for a long time.

Everything was clear here – as soon as D realized that it would be impossible to get the money out of me, she began to withdraw.

Earlier, I stopped searching for a girlfriend on dating websites since no one from normal people answered me, but scammers were happy to spend my time trying to get money out of me – unsuccessfully, since I asked a person to take a selfie with a piece of paper on which was written my code. It helped weed out all the frivolous people, and therefore I was very lonely on those sites. Now it turned out that you can stumble upon scammers while getting acquainted in real life in the outback of an ordinary metropolitan park. In this regard, I decided to give dating sites another chance.

I made an ad that I was looking for a girlfriend and continued to work on the book, occasionally going for a walk in the park to try to get acquainted with someone.

So, in Gorky Park, one pretty girl agreed to meet. Her name was Katya, and she was very laconic. During the conversation, I learned that during the 3 decades of her life she had never had a boyfriend, and she was always alone. The girl said that it suited her and she did not need anyone. In terms of friends, I am also not very worried about loneliness, but as for the girlfriend and love, here the matter is completely different – but she said that she could not help me with this. She continued to be silent, and at one point I thought that maybe the moment had come when I myself should say goodbye to the girl and go for a walk? I also remembered how I myself was silent as a child due to stuttering. I decided that I would try to tell her my story with Thiaoouba – new knowledge could help her to overcome her problems.

It is worth mentioning that the girl, just like D, suggested that I go to a psychologist with my speech stupors, which were still present due to my stubbornness – I continued to make mistakes even though I had had all the necessary knowledge to live a normal life for a long time. In fact, I have not had depression and stress for a long time, since my understandings about life helped me get rid of them, but I still need to remove the remaining black spots from my life canvas… Katya herself signed up for a psychologist to just talk with someone about anything at all.

So, it was not without hiccups, but I told the girl about the main reasons behind the creation of the Universe, its laws, and why I know that this is all true. It took me about an hour.

I realized that the girl was bored when she began to look at the time on her phone. And then she said she had a headache and she was going to leave. She refused to exchange phones and write down the title of the book, since, according to her, she does not read books at all. I wished her all the best, and she slowly left.

At least someone agreed to talk to me, and again I found confirmation that I was not alone on this “Planet of Sorrows”. And I also finally, after more than three years of trying to find a girlfriend, was able to tell someone my life story in real life.

For a very long time, I thought that girls would stop communicating with me after my life story, but in fact almost no one wants to even start a conversation. This is depressing…

Once, while watching an adult movie, I asked why I do not have this? The answer came to me in a dream: “Because you can’t speak”. I understand now that it is so. But how can you learn to speak if most people do not give you a chance to speak up and immediately reject you..?

The reason for my speech problems when talking with the laconic girl lay in the fact that I hardly slept for several nights, as I continued to think or dream about something for half a night…

Then a girl from the dating website texted me that she wanted to meet. I wrote a message, but she did not reply anymore. On that day of July 1, I thought a lot about this, and about other events that happened in the last two weeks. I was thinking if I wrote something wrong? But in that case, why girls do not want to get to know the person better, but bail on him at his first mistake? Loneliness and lack of sleep took over me…

At about noon of that day, I received a message from a girl who introduced herself as Katya. She said she was from the dating site. The girl looked cute in her WhatsApp photo. I was working on translating the book and from time to time I would stop to check if she wrote me anything else. Due to previous events, I subconsciously wanted to believe that this girl was serious. She kept answering me briefly and sometimes asked questions herself.

After a while she asked if I wanted to meet up with her. I answered “yes” and said that I could find free time on any day. To my question “where” she threw off the link to the site of the anti-movie-theatre.

In the back of my mind, I thought about checking the website and checking on Yandex the real existence of this institution at the address indicated on the site. But I only superficially looked for reviews and did not read them when I saw the similar name of the organization. My desire to be at last with a girl and my half-asleep state had overpowered me, and I decided to book a place for 19:00 – just as my interlocutor asked.

Soon I realized that I had given the money to the scammers… no anti-cinema existed at the given address, and the website itself did not even have any contacts except for a chat with the scammer’s bot. People's comments were about the anti-cinema the name of which had the same words, but they were rearranged. This is something I might have noticed, but due to my condition, all the red flags were not properly registered in my mind.

The bank did not cancel the transfer operation, and I could not return the money.

Thinking about how I could fall for the bait of scammers, I again found confirmation that memory also plays a very important role in the decision we make at one point or another in our lives. Had I not filled my mind with extraneous thoughts and reflections, I could have easily spotted a fraudulent website. Psychology also played a role here; D did not mention it for nothing. I wanted to be with a girl so much I could not let the thought that once again I might be of interest to girls only as a tool to replenish their wallet. I did not want to see myself as an unwanted guy, and therefore, even though I had been able to identify scammers more on many occasions, they were still lucky to cheat me exactly 2 weeks after I met D.

I could see this fact because the day before I tried to create a dating ad in the guise of a girl to see what guys are writing and how many messages girls are getting. Even though the ad did not have a photo, more than fifty guys responded to it still, who, by the way, did not write anything special except for expressing their desire to meet. I deleted that ad, but mine received only 3 views and not a single answer – it should have been obvious that the “girl” who wants to unexpectedly meet in a not crowded establishment on the same day of our very first conversation is either not very smart, or it is just a fraud.

Another strange point is that when realizing that D was most likely a fraudster, I completely forgot about the need to check people when online dating by taking selfies with my codes on a piece of paper. That is the way it should be under capitalism!

Having been scammed out of money for the first time in my life, I decided to check how dangerous things were in the case of D. So, I found the very beauty salon where she allegedly got a job. In it, a young woman told me that they had not looked for new employees for many weeks. D lied about her work – which was not surprising since that beauty salon works from 9:00 to 19:00, and we approached it only at 18:00 – who comes to work at the end of the working day?

Just in case, I secretly and carefully checked the address and the name of the beauty salon with D, and she confirmed the data. And then she quickly mentioned that she had only been there once and never worked there again, contradicting her early words that she stayed home to get ready for work.

Having all these facts on hand, it is foolish to doubt the decency of D…

And she did not talk about work to get rid of me. We were in a crowded area right outside the park entrance when D said she needed to go to work. And then she took me to the beauty salon, located about 400 meters from the park, by walking with me in a very uncrowded place, and then we walked through an almost deserted forest – and this despite the fact that D told me that she knew that park very well… If she wanted to get rid of me, she could have just hinted at this in a gentle, polite manner at the crowded entrance of the park, and not lead me to a deserted place. In addition, she herself sent me her voice message almost immediately after we said goodbye at her “work” – she clearly wanted to stay on my radar, so to speak.

I also remembered her hair, which she could not have washed in her town near Moscow, given that some time ago she walked in the park on a working day, and a 38-year-old man who lived with his parents followed her around… and was there that 38-year-old man? Most likely, she deliberately told this fictional story to me so that I had more desire to meet her, because otherwise she was ready to get to know someone herself so that that most likely fictional person does not come near her. So, she either was in her city when she sent me an audio message about the man, and then she washed her hair and immediately went to Moscow, or she washed her hair at someone’s place in Moscow – one way or another she was lying. Here I recall how in the cafe I told D about the girl whom I fell in love with at first sight, and who slept with a married man along with her friend, and D still tried to justify the actions of that married man…

As for her story about how in one firm lawyers put an innocent person behind bars, I think D, knowing a thing or two about psychology, just threw a fishing rod with a tasty bait that was supposed to show her generosity to me… or maybe she herself deceived someone for the sake of a huge amount of money – after all, now it becomes clear why she told me about the supposedly one-year long lack of sleep, which could not be true because of her completely healthy appearance and more than cheerful state after ten in the evening. If I had not sensed something was wrong and continued to meet with her, the next step for her would have been to mention something about how she needed several hundred thousand rubles for treatment. If she did not lie when she said that she had visited different countries of the planet, then it becomes clear to me where she got the money from for such trips.

I looked for similar stories on the Internet, and many people really collected money even from their friends in order to give it later to scammers with fictitious problems…

When I asked to tell me in a message what D thinks of me in terms of appearance and general behavior – for an additional incentive to self-sober up from the habit of sitting in myself – she refused this, and in a brief correspondence it became clear that she did not think much good about me. This proved once again that she wanted to meet me for the third time not because she liked me.

Earlier I tried to accept her shortcomings, but after it became clear that D was deceiving me, I began to feel a slight disgust for her. This feeling passed after a while.

I will allocate a little time to D's refusal to say what she saw in me, as it reminded me of people going to extremes. In my question to D, I told her that I knew about my problems and how to solve them – I just wanted to have an additional impetus to throw off the remaining bad habits. Consequently, D had nothing to fear, but she chose not to write anything at all – even in a light form. This is important, since the nature of being lost in oneself is such that over time the states accompanying such a life become habitual, and a person may simply not understand that he is doing something wrong, or that something is wrong with him; in other words, a person does not know how he appears in the eyes of others. If no one tries in a friendly way to hint to him about his erroneous behavior, then the person will continue to make mistakes, believing that he is doing the right things. And sometimes this can lead to anger of a person towards other people who shy away from him, if that person does not understand that for the most part it is them who is wrong, and not others…

In general, I do not hold a grudge against the scammers, because I know that sooner or later they will be punished by the Universal Law, when it will be their turn to be the ones to learn what it is like to live on the other side of the barricades. I myself also learned something new from this rather expensive lesson – I would not become a victim of deception if I had the necessary knowledge. This way I again saw the importance of psychology in the decisions we make in our lives.

I kept working on the book, but I also wanted to spend as much time outside as possible in order to keep meeting girls – and just to have a good time outside during the warm summer season, as I could not do it last summer due to my mistake.

In general, I traveled and walked around a lot of places that I wanted to see in Moscow, and the summer turned out to be very saturated and long in terms of my sensations of time flow – everything that I wanted. And I managed to talk with a lot more people than in previous years.

Sometimes I wonder if the many weeks of self-isolation had stimulated people to be more open to communicating with other people – which, of course, does not make forced self-isolation correct, since it goes against the Law of the Universe regarding the free will of people and animals.

Although I continued to actively approach girls, I did it in such a way as to have a minimum chance of contracting COVID-19, the cases of which, fortunately, decreased to several hundred per a day during summer.

Also, writing in my book everything that I thought about in one form or another over the years helped me to let go of all those thoughts and fantasies, and I began to focus more on reality. The feeling of not speaking out, of lack of fulfillment, and of uselessness began to disappear, as I directed my life experience into helping other people. Along with the weakening of the onslaught of thoughts, my entire physical body relaxed too, which probably also played a role in why during this long, by the feel of it, summer I was able to speak with many people.

So, once I talked for a few minutes with a woman in Yekaterininskiy Park; she told me that she and her children had had the coronavirus. The illness felt like pneumonia. They did not call doctors because they did not feel there was a threat to their health.

Then there was a case when a girl called out to me in one of the parks where I often go for walking. She was with a stroller, and therefore I did not immediately understand that she wanted to get acquainted. It seemed relatively strange, but then I realized that the girl had certain problems which were clearly reflected in her face and speech. Whether the reason lies in the psychological or in the physical body – I do not know.