Learn to love. 30 tips how to live

Chapter 3. How to make him fall in love with me?

To make a man fall in love is pretty easy: don’t be afraid of him and make your communication with him freer. The main obstacle is the fear that he might think something bad about you. Nature made it this way that males chase females. Even though a rooster is the only guy in a chicken coop and even if he looks awesome, he still chases a hen to mount her. Not one hen, no matter how dumb it is, will run after a rooster to mount him. Despite the fact that they are the nature’s supreme creations, girls often act sillier than hens. A guy will simply get scared (I know this because I’ve asked many of them) if a girl starts chasing him. Just like any rooster he will think: «Something is wrong with this hen… she is crazy!» They think this way, because guys are also created by nature. If a man takes two steps toward you, you should take only one (and don’t rush to him). Also, don’t forget to take two steps back later. If you chase him, he can’t chase you. He can only run away. If there is a «chaser», there is also a «chase». «I can’t live without you» is something that a person who has given up would say. Act on the principle: «I can live without you!» If you become the one who chases, nature will tell him what to do. This message will be louder than the one from his feelings and reason. A man wants to be where it feels good. Remember about it when you find a husband. This is the only way not to lose him. Take a closer look at a man. Can he rain on the parade of those around him? Can he be boring, sad, or irritated? If yes, can he change himself? Or maybe his motto is: «Accept me the way I am». Then nothing particularly good will happen here. Don’t rush. Let him prove that he can and wants to be better – for you, for your peace and your happiness.

In any relationship always ask yourself: «Who is chasing whom?» If you want to be happy, learn to run away and not to chase. The most beneficial behavior is when you act according to the following idea: “It is nice with you, but it is also nice without you!” When a man senses that he has been moved from the first place to the tenth place, he will want to understand the reason. All of our excuses – «I forgot your address» or «I lost your phone number» – will not work. If a man wants to be with a woman he loves, he will force his way through to that woman. The bottom line is that you should learn to live so that you are interesting to yourself. Then you will be interesting to other people around you. Just think about how many princesses lost their princes whispering: «I can’t live without you.» You should whisper: «I can live without you.»

A man is designed by nature to chase, and you need to ensure that he has this opportunity. Smile but be the first one to look away. Be the first one to say good-bye and leave. Don’t ask when you will meet again. Don’t hint about where you live and don’t just offer your phone number. You are a good man, but I am not going to chase you! «You will enjoy being with me, but it is difficult to win my heart.» This phrase should be read in your eyes, speech and gestures. You need to get rid of fear and any doubts concerning your attractiveness. The most accurate word to be used here is risky.

Why is it so important for a man to see our energy not only in your facial movements but also in our laugh, gestures, the way we walk and even the speed of our speech? He doesn’t analyze it looking for a reason why. Nature thinks for him making him choose the most energetic female which will give him a viable offspring. Every woman applies this knowledge intuitively. Yet how do you let him know that he will have to work to get you? Any man senses the level of woman’s intelligence right away. He is used to evaluating a woman from the first glance. He is trained to do so. Women think that men perceive them as sex objects. However, any normal man actually wants love.

When it comes to love I’ve had this one rule since I was twenty – to take a step toward a man who has taken two steps toward me. This is when you need a smart friend by your side. You should take into account only the steps that don’t cause any doubt. You also should have less initiative than a man. Should you always reciprocate to a step that was taken toward you? Of course not. That depends on what you want. Don’t turn your brain off. There are more and more young men who accept the fact that women court them. We should recognize it as a fact. I still think though, that we should educate men to make them understand what manly behavior means. As long as I was the one asking them out, I couldn’t maintain even one serious relationship. As soon as I started acting in accordance with nature, men started proposing. To catch a man is very easy! At first you need to prove to him that your soul is beautiful, then you need to prove that he is a genius and that you are the only person who understands that. The most appealing element here is sincerity.

Friendship, just like love, is built according to the same laws:

1. Interest, mystery, desire to solve the mystery.

2. Necessary break up, testing if you can live without each other.

3. Getting back together for a long time, maybe forever.

Your companion should be in awe while talking to you. He should be very interested in you! Then he himself will start looking for you, calling you and thinking of you. And it is very likely that he will fall in love with you.

The first thing a man does is evaluation of a woman as a sexual object. After the first outburst of physical attraction men will be interested in positivity and adventurousness. They understand that women often create specific emotional atmospheres. A man weighs up the pros and cons thinking about a possible partnership with a woman. If he meets a woman who, in his opinion, is going to be on his side, he is attracted to her. If you want to be loved by men, you should also love them. There should be this animal passion toward a woman! Men marry women who arouse them. Men don’t need a lot of women; men need a lot of sex! If a woman makes sure that her man gets this sex at home, they can form a normal family. For your man to like you, you need to be liked by other men. A man by nature is a winner among other males. He is a competitor and rival. This rule is not that obvious for women but still is true. The instinct of procreation works the following way: grab the best ones whose quality has been proven by others. You probably have noticed that men appear like a flock of birds – all of them at the same time. Sometimes a man starts paying attention to a woman only after his friend has already paid attention to her. This rule works on women too: «Gosh, who is it with her? Maybe he is good in bed?» Just like that. Interest is there. After that it will be easy for a woman to find reasons to stay interested in him.

Once I said: «To be liked by your husband, you need to be liked by others’ husbands.» I received an interesting response to this phrase: «This is exactly how I got married – when I started dating other men. It was like my intuition led me to do this. I loved him a lot and I suffered a lot without him. Thanks to my «dates» with other men he became more active. I didn’t cheat on him, no. I just had innocent dates: had coffee with somebody, went to theaters or museums. It is very important for a man to show other males that this female is his! You can be liked by men without flirting. If you put on clothing that men admire, they will be surrounding you wherever you go. If you talk about things that are interesting for men, they won’t go far away. I’ve seen it many times how a man would change when he sees that his lady attracts other men, how he falls in love with her again right in front of your eyes.

What shouldn’t you talk about in the first five minutes when you just met him? I don’t recommend girls to:

● Talk about their illnesses.

● Remember and especially quote their mothers.

● Hint that they are in high demand among men.

● Boast about their connections.

● Talk about outfits, make up and diets.

● Smoke a lot.

If you mention your success with other men, your guy will get disappointed before he has a chance to be charmed by you. Your guy won’t show you that you have hurt his feelings, he will just make a note in his head: «She is not the one!» And then she will put a symbolic checkmark on the line «Not good enough for a serious relationship.» The thing is that serious relationships imply that there are only the two of you. Our heart is made this way, that it can love only one person. When it is just you and he, the third person (as well as the rest of the humankind) must be forgotten. There are only the two of you on the whole planet.

A man falls in love in stages. At first you need to interest him with your femininity. Only then you demonstrate your personal qualities. How to intrigue a man in the first minutes of a conversation? There are men’s topics that women don’t usually talk about and don’t know much about (I don’t mean work). Your aim is to surprise him and to stir interest. That is why before you talk to him try to find out what he is interested in. Many men are interested in fishing, cars and politics. A man tries to put in the topic of sex as soon as possible, probably hoping that it is irresistible. A woman shouldn’t talk directly about sex or support this topic in a conversation. It shows she has a low level of intelligence. A man will get bored quickly.

If you want to get to a man’s heart, I can give you the coordinates: you don’t necessarily have to be smart or beautiful, you have to be sincere, happy and you have to create a wish to live. So how do you become such a desirable woman? To begin with, you should become young and fresh like spring. «Spring» women cannot be forgotten. Even men who are happy remember these women. If you manage to become a «spring» woman, you will get into a man’s heart. To get into his heart is not enough. It is important not to fall out. In order not to fall out you need to know a secret. Question: what is the biggest satisfaction for a smart man? Answer: a candid conversation with a smart woman.

So the name of the secret is a «conversational» orgasm. An orgasm means the biggest pleasure. A physical orgasm happens during sex. Let’s call it a typical orgasm. A typical orgasm lasts for several seconds, usually not longer than ten. Maybe somebody has set a record, but we are still talking about seconds. Once I read an article about animals’ orgasms. The record belongs to pigs. It turns out that their orgasm can last for up to thirty minutes. But this is still your corny sexual orgasm. I claim that there is an orgasm of a higher level – conversational. A conversational orgasm can last for hours, as long as five hours even. Just think – five hours of the biggest rush! Moreover, unlike a typical orgasm, a conversational one often leads to positive changes in life. Once you have experienced a conversational orgasm, you will crave more of it.

Don’t hesitate to spend your time on developing eloquence. Good speech is the main sign of a free mind. You are willing to spend time and money on the beauty of your body. Why not spend time and money on communication skills?

Quality conversations are stronger than any drug. There is no cure or antidote. They become rooted in a man’s heart. Why don’t all people have conversational orgasms? The reason for that is that there should be special conditions for these conversations to exist. The first condition: there only should be a man and a woman talking. Nobody can be listening to them. The second condition: people who are talking should be in love with each other. The third condition: all ideas during the conversation are accepted. No interruptions allowed. Your subconscious gives you the best decisions. And your subconscious lives not in your mind, but on your tongue. So you should share any ideas you have and you shouldn’t be criticized for that. The fourth condition: a man and a woman are completely relaxed, there is no control over their words. The conversation should be open. There should be no secrets from each other.

Hiding something is the biggest obstacle for the majority of couples. If one of the partners has a lover on the side, it is a secret of course. So a conversational orgasm cannot happen. If a man has a lover, he is tense. As a result, his subconscious is not going to come out. Reaching a conversational orgasm is the peak of your femininity. In a conversation like that a man is very happy. He enjoys it with his eyes, ears and heart. You can be certain that he will not forget you. You will be his strongest drug. Now you have the initiative. You determine whether he is catching up with you or maybe he is far behind. Femininity is your nature. It’s what differs you from a man. Nature has given you this skill to bring joy without much effort. Men simply can’t do it as easily. If you have forgotten your natural gift, it is never too late to try and remember.

Question 7. What can we talk to men about?

I got divorced a while ago. After being on maternity leave I literally became stupid. It is shameful to admit this, but I can’t support conversations on different topics with different people. I understand that the question that I am about to ask is strange and silly. My ex-husband persuaded me that I am boring and uninteresting to talk to. So how should I start a conversation? How can I become interesting for other people, especially men? How can I support a conversation? I just don’t know where to start! What can I talk with other people about? I understand that I can talk with people about themselves, but I do it in such an awkward and clumsy way. How do I build up this experience?

Answer. Jennifer, your ex-husband used to tell you that you were boring? You did the right thing when you divorced him! Very soon you will see that you are a quite interesting interlocutor. This is the first thing you could say to a man: «I am very interested in your opinion about this one particular problem.» You can add flattering (but true) words explaining why you need expertise of this very man. «I’ve heard of you as a very sensible man», «I’ve read your article», «You’ve helped me not even knowing about it», etc. When you use words like this, the other person will become interested in you right away. More than that, he will be listening to you with affection.

After that you can tell him what is really important for you. Then your eyes will be glowing and you will be radiating this positive energy. At the end of your story you should repeat again that you want to know his opinion. Don’t forget that a man will value not your words, not the price of your clothing or jewelry but your energy. So you can talk to him about small things but with passion.

Question 8. I am afraid of men

I am afraid of men. I am lost when I talk to them. What can you advise?

Answer. Any fear is scared of the one who can face it. And here is a specific piece of advice: be the first one to start a conversation with men every day. Soon you will understand that they are harmless, they don’t bite – they simply buzz around.

Confidence is the sexiest quality of a man (by the way, the same applies to a woman). Nature tells him to pass the best genes to his offspring. That is why women instinctively choose the best ones. How do you determine that he is the best one? It is especially difficult to do from the first sight. Yes, you look at how tall, handsome and rich he is. Yet the main all-encompassing sign is how confident he is.

If a man acts with confidence, you start thinking that he knows something about himself that you don’t know. It means that many other successful people already highly appreciate him.

Question 9. I can’t start talking to men I don’t know

I can’t start talking to men I don’t know. I have already learnt how to smile at them, but I still can’t talk. I probably feel good only when I am alone. When I leave this comfort zone, I subconsciously want to get back in.

Answer. It is important to understand what you actually want. If you want to be alone (why not by the way!), then why would you even need men to talk to? If you understand that you can’t be happy without a man, then I recommend to practice talking every day. You start with some insignificant and simple topics. At first, you talk to men you know well. Then you talk to men you know just a little bit. And finally you talk to men you don’t know at all.

Question 10. Men run away from me. What should I do?

I am forty years old and I am divorced. Men I gave my affection and sexuality to could talk about me with excitement. And then they would go do their things and ask me to understand that they were busy. I ended up in the position of a woman who had to chase men. After an attempt to meet and having «no» as the answer, I usually stop caring about guys like that. Unfortunately, the situation repeats. It means that the problem is not in those guys, the problem is in me.

I must be doing something wrong if the amazing sex with me doesn’t make them put aside things they need to do. On the contrary, they expect me to understand them and be patient. However, I want to be the main event in the life of a man who «had a great time» with me last night.

Answer. Look at yourself through a man’s eyes. This is how he sees it: «She is forty and divorced. It means that she wants to get married again. But I don’t want to get married! She is good in bed. It means that she is trying hard to find a husband. But I don’t want to get married! She is acting like this and it is clear that she is chasing me. It means that I need to run away!» If there is a «chaser», there is also a «chase». More than that, a male is instinctively afraid of a woman who is chasing him, because it is not inherent in a woman. To make matters worse, your pursuit is likely to be noticeable in your voice, gestures and intonation. That is why he is politely asking you to show understanding and wait. In the meanwhile, he is running away. What can a man be thinking if he delicately said «goodbye», but a woman is still insisting on a new date? He is even more scared now. So he is giving a clear and straightforward rejection this time. You are writing: «I want to be the main event in a life of a man who «had a great time» with me last night.» This is what I am adding to this – it will be great when a man not only remembers the previous night spent with you but also wants to meets again and stay with you. I know how to achieve this. I know how to make you a «chase». And a «chaser» will come into the picture, not right away maybe but he will. When you are simply infatuated with somebody, you still think about yourself mostly. It’s like a game or a competition. When you really love somebody, your think about the person you love and you wish him (or her) the best in life. There is no competition here.

Question 11. When should say “I love you”?

Should I tell him that I love him? I mean after he has confessed his love, of course. I’ve heard this idea that a woman who has confessed her love is like an open book or a puzzle that has been solved. I am not sure that I agree with this. If a woman is interesting, if she is changing, if she is fun, then how can we talk about this well of energy having a bottom when it is only opened? Wouldn’t it be more natural to be sincere in this case instead of flirting trying to avoid conversations about love?

Answer. You shouldn’t be the first one to tell him that you love him. This is a general rule that has exceptions for exceptional people. An exceptional woman can do anything she wants. But your question is different. You want to know whether you should tell him about your feelings after he has told you about his. Of course, in this case you should tell him. Why would you pretend? We are always for sincerity. The thing that can ruin everything though, is when your actions or words imply that you cannot live without him. In my opinion, after that a person becomes boring. More than that, behaving like that you make your partner responsible for your own happiness. It is unfair and immature.

Even then you shouldn’t pretend. In this situation you should start worrying. If you want to tell somebody that you can’t live without them, it is a sign that you either haven’t found yourself yet or you have already lost yourself. And if you don’t really exist, then who would need you?

Chapter 4. How to become the most needed woman for a man?

A man should associate a woman with wonderful emotions. It is a woman’s goal to make it happen. If she achieves this, a man will want to be with her more than anything in the world. What should be done? A woman should know what a man likes. Some women might think that men’s interests are not for them at all. If a woman is growing emotionally, she will always know how to lead any subject to thoughts about her. If a woman does something nice and unexpected, it will cause a man’s curiosity. «Interesting» is the main word in a relationship. Relationships start with this word and end with it. To be precise, they don’t end with it actually. On the contrary, they last for many years.

In the beginning of a relationship a guy doesn’t even think about how long this relationship might last. Although we should take into account that the majority of men do want to have a serious relationship. A normal woman always wants to have a serious relationship. However, if in the very beginning she delivers an ultimatum (a serious relationship or none), she will ruin this relationship. A smart woman at first will make a man feel good and then very good. Only after that she will make him decide whether they will have a serious relationship or they won’t have one at all. It is a good thing when you share your partner’s interests. I remember this one man who I used to be interested in. I wanted to understand his interests. He was a football fan. I knew nothing about football. Yet I told him with glowing eyes that I wouldn’t mind going to the stadium to watch a game. That poor guy was chasing me for a week trying to find out about my football preferences. In the meanwhile, I was reading sports newspapers. At the end of that chase, he, being completely intrigued, saw that I put a pin with his favorite team’s logo on my T-shirt. So he exhaled with relief: «I am with you… Anywhere you go. Do you want to go get married now?» Every man wants other people to talk to him about him. All of his ups – joy and happiness from creative and business victories – should happen in your presence and with your participation. It will give you more things to talk about.

One more piece of advice – disappear! From time to time you need to disappear. If you can’t do it physically, then you should do it emotionally. For example, you could become inattentive or you could be in a hurry to go somewhere without discussing news that is important for him. It means that you deprive your man from the main rush – your emotional presence in his life. Stay in this strategic position until he realizes how difficult it is for him without you. If after that he still doesn’t admit that you are in a special place in his life, then stop wasting your time and energy on him. He is busy. However, he can show up after some time and ask you out again. I would call a man like that a mirage. He can disappear at any moment for as long as several months. Then he can reappear as if nothing happened.

If you want to achieve this special happiness – to not be an abandoned «I» but to be an unbreakable «We», you should be a very special woman who radiates bioenergy. You also should find a very special man who will not suck this energy out of you but make it stronger. It is important to show him that you love him just because, like a human being. A noble man looks for a noble woman, doesn’t he? Thus, it is important for a couple to have comparable levels of nobleness and generosity.

How to become the only one for him?

1.Show compassion and help him.

If you like him, be interested in his work. Don’t do it obtrusively but do it constantly. Offer him solutions to his problems. Don’t give him direct advice though. Gradually you will become someone he wants to talk to. Eventually you will become a close friend, because you can not only empathize with but also help him.

2. Watch how he appreciates your effort.

If he doesn’t appreciate it at all (neither with how he looks at you, nor with how he talks to you), then he is too far behind you. Just think – maybe you should walk away and let him mature. If he does appreciate what you have been doing, then you can continue.