A Daughter’s Choice

Nurse Peters scowled as I wheeled my chair carefully past her. It took patience to maintain my slow pace until we were through the gravel and on to solid ground again, and then, to the sound of cheering, I started to push for all I was worth.

Nurses, patients, and quite a few doctors were at the finishing line urging us on. I was breathing hard, feeling the strain of pushing a considerable weight for some distance. Behind me, I could hear the sound of pursuing feet and the rattle of Nurse Peters’ chair. Then I heard a crashing noise and looked back to see her chair collapse as a wheel came off, but another nurse was coming up fast behind her and I had to put a spurt on to keep my lead. Then we were at the finishing line and I felt a surge of triumph as I realized we had won.

‘Well done, Cole,’ I heard praise on the lips of others. ‘It’s about time someone else won. Nurse Peters has had it her own way for too long.’

‘Clever girl, Kathy,’ Sergeant Harley said. ‘I didn’t think about the gravel trap.’

‘That was brilliant, Kathy.’

‘Well done, Kathy.’

I swung round as I heard Tom O’Rourke’s voice. He was smiling at me, obviously pleased with the result.

‘I took your advice, Doctor.’

‘I knew you’d had help.’ Nurse Peters looked at me half-admiringly and half-annoyed. ‘But it was a good race. I shall know to watch out for you in future.’

‘There’s always next time,’ I said. ‘It was a good race … fun.’

‘We’re having a few drinks in the common room,’ Sergeant Harley said. ‘You’ll come and celebrate, won’t you, Kathy?’

‘I shall have to stick to lemonade. I’m on duty in an hour. I mustn’t be late.’

‘Plenty of time. You’ve got to celebrate your victory.’

It was an excited group who trouped into the common room to toast the victory. I hadn’t realized quite how important the event was and I was amazed by all the fuss everyone made of me. The praise for my tactics was overwhelming and I glowed from all the attention while feeling a bit of a cheat. After all, it was Tom O’Rourke who had told me about the gravel trap. He had watched the race but didn’t seem to have joined the celebrations, which left me feeling slightly disappointed.

It was half an hour after the race when the laughter in the common room suddenly stilled. Everyone was gazing towards the door and following the general direction my heart jerked as I saw Matron standing there watching us.

‘So much noise,’ she said. ‘You are disturbing my patients, ladies and gentlemen, and some of you are needed on duty.’

Her eyes seemed to dwell on me with what I fancied was disapproval as she spoke, and then she turned and walked out leaving a hushed silence behind her.

‘Spoilsport,’ someone muttered resentfully but the party atmosphere had gone.

‘I’d better go,’ I said, glancing at Sergeant Harley. ‘I’m on duty soon and I dare not be late.’

‘Come and visit me soon. We might have a drink or something. I owe you a night out, Nurse Cole.’

‘I’m not a nurse yet. Just a volunteer.’ I smiled at him. ‘It was good fun. I’m glad we won. And I shall come to see you when I can.’

I hurried away to my room to change and tidy myself. My hair had worked loose from the tight roll I usually wore for duty and my face was flushed. It wasn’t surprising that Matron had looked so disapproving. My appearance wasn’t up to the standards she expected from her staff.

As I made my way back towards the main building I saw Dr O’Rourke coming towards me and my heart began to thump with excitement.

‘Back to work and sanity now, Kathy?’

‘Yes, Doctor. It was fun but I’m on duty soon.’

‘It cheers the patients up,’ he said. ‘Even those who can’t get to watch like to bet on the outcome. You’re the first probationer to win.’

‘Only because you told me how.’

‘Oh no, it was courage and determination,’ he replied easily. ‘But we might go for a drink to celebrate one evening when we’re both free?’ His suggestion surprised me so much that I didn’t answer immediately. ‘Talk about old times, what’s happening in the lanes …?’

‘Oh … Yes, thank you.’ I blushed and my knees went oddly weak. ‘Yes, I should like that. I’m free on Wednesday or Friday evening this week.’

‘I’m free on Wednesday so we’ll make it then. Pick you up outside the Dower House at seven. OK?’

‘Yes, lovely.’ My mouth was dry with excitement. ‘I’d better go …’

‘Yes. Go on then, and don’t worry so much, Kathy. Matron doesn’t bite.’

‘She might,’ I said, remembering her expression. ‘Bye now.’

After we had parted I had to hurry. There were still five minutes before I was due on my ward but Sister expected us to be early and would look pointedly at her watch if we were a second over our time. I was hardly going to make it. Fearing a reprimand, I began to run.

‘What are you doing? Running in corridors is strictly forbidden!’

I stopped and swung round guiltily at the sound of Matron’s voice, waiting in trepidation for her approach. Now I was in for it!

‘I’m sorry, Matron. I was delayed and didn’t want to be late.’

Her brow furrowed. ‘Rules are there for a purpose, Miss Cole. You could endanger a patient by careless behaviour. Always take your time and think what you are doing. Remember that in future.’

‘Yes, Matron. I am very sorry.’

‘Very well. I shall not punish you this time, but do not let success go to your head, Miss Cole. You are here to work and everything else comes second to that duty – do you understand?’

‘Yes, Matron.’

‘Go along now or you will be late.’

I turned and began to walk at a sedate pace towards the ward, feeling her eyes boring into my back. She must think I was a harum-scarum girl with little or no sense.

‘And congratulations on winning, Miss Cole.’

I heard her voice as I turned the corner but did not dare to look back. Had she really said those words or was I dreaming?

Sister Norton glanced up from her desk as I entered the ward. She glanced at her watch and frowned but said nothing about the fact that I was three minutes late.

‘The patient in number five requested a bedpan some minutes ago. Make sure that he is comfortable. Miss Cole.’

‘Yes, Sister.’

I hurried off to do her bidding, knowing that I had a black mark against me. Matron had warned me and I would need to work extra hard to scrub out any idea that I had let my success in the race go to my head.

‘You’re the first VAD ever to win,’ Ally said to me the next morning at breakfast. ‘Apparently most get bogged down in the gravel – especially those who haven’t entered before. Nurse Peters is blaming her chair. She says it was just bad luck that she got stuck, and that you had help, but that’s sour grapes.’

‘She was OK to me. Anyway, I was told to be careful in the gravel so I did have help of a kind.’

‘Who told you – Dr O’Rourke?’ Ally raised her brows at me. ‘You’ll have Eleanor Ross breathing fire down your neck. She thinks he’s her property because he took her out one night.’

‘He’s asked me out for a drink on Wednesday.’

‘You’re joking?’ Ally stared at me and then chuckled. ‘That really will upset Miss Hoity-Toity.’

‘I don’t see why. It’s just a drink to talk about people we both know. I told you he used to live in Farthing Lane.’

‘I thought he went off to a fancy school when you were just a kid?’

‘Yes, he did – but he visits his sister now and then. I didn’t think he would remember me. I was surprised when he wished me luck before the race.’

‘Well, well …’ Ally looked mischievous. ‘You’re a dark horse, Kathy Cole.’

‘It’s just a drink,’ I giggled as she looked disbelieving. ‘But yes, I do like him – quite a lot.’

‘You watch it, Kathy! Men who look as good as Dr O’Rourke aren’t to be trusted. Besides, what about Billy Ryan? I thought he’d asked you to marry him?’

‘Yes, he did – but I didn’t say I would.’

‘You didn’t say you wouldn’t either.’

‘No …’ I shook my head at her. ‘It’s just a drink, Ally. Dr O’Rourke isn’t interested in me that way. He’s just being friendly, that’s all.’

‘We’ll see.’ She grinned wickedly. ‘You be careful, Kathy, that’s all I’m saying.’

‘Well, if I had any idea of grandeur this morning’s duty will knock it out of me. I’m scrubbing floors.’

‘Poor you,’ Ally said. ‘I’ve got seven hours on the ward and lectures all afternoon.’

We both attended lectures, which were more absorbing than we’d imagined as they dealt with the practical side of nursing rather than theory. We were shown how to read thermometers and had our first go at taking each other’s pulse. We were also given detailed instructions in recognizing signs of serious distress in patients.

‘Now that was interesting,’ Ally remarked as we left the lecture room afterwards. ‘For the first time I really felt that I was being trained as a nurse and not just used as a skivvy.’

I felt just as she did, although it all seemed a little daunting. There was much more to nursing than I had imagined at the beginning.

‘There’s such a long way to go. But at least we’ve made a start. I’m going to read up all the information I can about the vital signs in the pamphlets they gave us. I know we shan’t be expected to deal with a crisis ourselves for years, but you never know when you might see something that ought to be reported to a senior nurse.’

Ally nodded, looking serious. ‘There was a death on our ward this morning. The dreadful thing is I’d been having a joke with him earlier. He had had both legs amputated but I thought he was getting over it. He was talking about getting false limbs and looking forward to going home – and then when I came back from the sluice room there was a crowd around his bed.’

She looked upset and I put an arm about her waist. ‘I’m sure they did all they could, Ally.’

‘Yes, they did what they could, but it was so sudden – a blood clot, apparently. Sister told me it often happens after a serious operation.’ She frowned. ‘Maybe if I’d known what to look for when I was talking to him earlier …?’

‘You can’t blame yourself. There were experienced nurses and doctors looking after him. If they weren’t aware of anything wrong, how could you be?’

‘Of course I couldn’t, but it’s sad, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it’s very sad.’ I squeezed her waist. ‘Come on, let’s go and have a cup of tea to cheer ourselves up. You’ll never guess what I managed to buy in the village shop on Saturday morning – a packet of shortbread biscuits. If you promise to stop moping, I’ll share them with you.’

‘You’re a good friend, Kathy,’ she said, cheering up. ‘You were lucky. When I asked for biscuits they said they hadn’t got any.’

‘Well, it’s knowing how to ask,’ I said and grinned at her. ‘The old man who serves there calls me sweetheart. I think he fancies me a bit.’

‘He’s old enough to be your granddad,’ Ally said but she was laughing, her good humour restored.

‘You look lovely,’ Ally declared as I fidgeted with my dress for the umpteenth time while getting ready for my date with Tom O’Rourke. ‘Besides, I thought you said this was just a drink to talk about old times and not important?’

‘Of course it isn’t, but I want to look my best.’

‘You always look good,’ Ally said. ‘You’ve got the perfect English rose complexion and your hair is a lovely colour. You can see it’s natural and not dyed.’

‘Yes, I’m lucky with my hair.’ I gave it a little pat. ‘I never have to do much with it. After a wash it just waves naturally.’

‘Well, don’t gloat. Just because you’re going out with the best-looking fellow in the place.’

She was grinning at me but I caught a faint note of envy in her voice. Ally had already been out with three different men since our arrival, but moaned that she hadn’t really enjoyed herself with any of them.

‘Don’t worry,’ I told her. ‘You’ll find someone you like soon.’

‘I’m not sure …’ She bit her lip anxiously. ‘It’s daft, but I can’t help thinking about Mike the whole time. He usually writes as soon as he gets back to his base, but he hasn’t this time. I’m worried about him, Kathy. Supposing he’s been hurt – or killed?’

‘Perhaps he’s just been too busy to write,’ I suggested. ‘If there was bad news someone would let you know.’

‘Yes, I expect you’re right. I’m being silly.’ She pulled a face. ‘Go on then, you lucky thing. Go and meet Dr O’Rourke. And stop looking so nervous!’

‘I’ll try.’ I gave her a quick hug. ‘You try to stop worrying about Mike.’

She grinned and shook her head as I left. I went downstairs and saw Tom O’Rourke standing just outside the front door. It was a pleasant summer evening and he was wearing beige slacks, a brown shirt, a deep fawn sweater slung over his shoulder. I thought he looked like a star from the movies and my heart did a rapid somersault.

‘Kathy,’ he murmured, his eyes going over me with approval. ‘You look … very nice. That colour blue suits you.’

I was wearing a simple blue dress with a tucked bodice, short sleeves and a white collar. It was good to get out of uniform for a while, but I knew the dress was a bit girlish. I’d had it new just before I left home and the style wasn’t what I would have chosen for myself, but I hadn’t been able to get myself anything new yet. Ally had spoken of us spending our first leave together at her home, and I intended to buy some more suitable clothes, but that wouldn’t be for ages.

‘I thought we would walk to the village.’ Something flickered in Tom’s eyes as they went over me. ‘You hardly look old enough to drink in the pub, Kathy.’

‘It’s just this dress. Gran bought it for me. It’s too childish but it’s my best.’

He nodded and smiled. ‘Very pretty. You look older in your uniform.’

I bit my lip as I sensed a withdrawal in him and realized he wasn’t pleased by the way I looked. Perhaps I should have worn my hair up instead of letting it hang loose? It was too late now. I should just have to hope my youthful appearance hadn’t put him off completely.

‘Have you written to Mrs Cole yet?’ he asked as we began to walk in the direction of the village. ‘Bridget told me that she was worried because she hadn’t heard.’

There was a note of reprimand in his voice that touched a nerve. Did he imagine I was an irresponsible child? The evening I’d been anticipating so eagerly had suddenly become disappointing. He had said it was just a drink to talk about people we both knew but I had expected more than this somehow. I’d thought there was something between us. Now he seemed to have become the grand doctor figure being kind to a new recruit.

That was exactly what I was, of course, but I’d hoped for a very different outcome to the evening. We spent half an hour talking about people in the lanes, and then progressed to the hospital. He became passionate then and I glimpsed a man I could admire as he spoke about his work and hopes.

By nine o’clock he had me back outside the Dower House.

‘It was a pleasant evening, Kathy,’ he said offering me his hand. We shook hands as if we were polite strangers. ‘We must do it again one day.’

‘Yes. Thank you, Dr O’Rourke.’

He frowned, hesitated as though wanting to say more, then turned and walked off in the direction of the hospital. So that was that then! My heart flopped all the way to my boots as I stood watching him. He simply wasn’t interested in me as a woman. In fact he thought of me as a child.

Ally looked surprised when I walked in.

‘You’re back early? I thought you would be ages yet.’

‘I told you – it was just a friendly gesture. I’m a kid he used to see in the lane years ago.’

‘It’s that dress,’ Ally said. ‘It’s too young for you. I would’ve lent you something but mine wouldn’t fit.’

‘I don’t suppose it would have made any difference. He remembers me as a kid from down the lane and always will.’

‘Well, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. Sally says there’s a dance on next Saturday in the village hall. We’ll see if we can borrow a dress for you and we’ll all go.’

Ally’s attitude was the right one, of course. She seemed to have got over her personal worries for the time being, but I was still smarting from my disappointment that evening.

Eleanor Ross came up trumps over the dress. She was on duty that evening and gave me a choice of three, because, as she said, she wouldn’t be needing them herself.

‘I brought far too much with me,’ she told me with a wry look. ‘But maybe these will come in useful after all. Try them all on and see which one suits you best, Kathy.’

‘May I really?’

‘Yes, of course. I never say what I don’t mean. The green silk is lovely on, but the yellow brocade might suit you better. I’m not sure about the black.’

The black dress was fabulous, very slinky and cut close to the body. It had tiny shoulder straps, the bodice heavily beaded with jet. I knew at once that it suited me, but it was very sophisticated and so obviously expensive that I was afraid to choose it.

I finally settled on the green silk. It was a simple dress cut low on the shoulders with tiny puffed sleeves and a full skirt that just flirted above my ankles. No doubt it had cost almost as much as the black dress, but I sensed that Eleanor was pleased I hadn’t chosen her favourite.

‘That one looks really good on you, Kathy,’ she said. ‘We’re very much the same size but I could put a couple of tucks in the bodice for you.’

‘Won’t that spoil your dress for you?’

‘No – besides, you may want to borrow it again. I’ve got loads more at home.’

Eleanor had never made any secret of her father’s wealth, but it was hard to imagine anyone having a wardrobe full of clothes like these. I felt privileged to be wearing the green dress for the dance that evening, but a little anxious in case I should spoil it.

Several of the nurses and VADs were going as a group. Someone had fixed up a bus to take the party, and twenty of us piled into it. The men were mostly junior doctors, though there was also one of the porters and two flying officers, who had received burns to their faces and hands but were recovering now. The scars they would bear for the rest of their lives were terrible but the girls had all seen worse cases and no one took any notice. For these particular officers a dance in the village was the first step towards going home and a normal life.

One of them had become engaged to a nurse who had looked after him from the beginning. It was against the rules for nurses to marry, of course, but Julia Lane would be leaving when her fiancé was well enough to go home, and then they planned to marry. Their romance had pleased everyone, because in the midst of all the pain and suffering in the hospital it proved that life went on and sometimes people found happiness again.

We were certainly a merry group that evening, chattering and laughing all the way to the dance. Held in the village hall, it had been put on especially for the hospital crowd and the local people had taken trouble to decorate the place with flowers and streamers, making a rather dreary room look bright. A refreshment bar providing soft drinks, tea and beer had been set up at one end.

The dancing started as soon as we arrived, all the girls from the hospital finding themselves in great demand. Several men in uniform were present, having come from an Army base some ten miles away.

One young corporal introduced himself to me as Terry Cooke.

‘I haven’t seen you here before. Are you at the hospital?’

‘Yes, a very new recruit,’ I replied, responding instinctively to the admiring gleam in his eyes. ‘This is my first time at the dance.’

‘I’ve been several times. I’ve been stuck here for ages. I was out at the beginning but they shipped me back with a leg wound and I spend most of my time behind a desk now.’

‘Oh, poor you,’ I sympathized. ‘Have you asked for active service?’

‘Yes, but they say I’m useful where I am.’

I danced several times with Terry but he wasn’t my only partner. Eleanor’s dress seemed to have worked a little magic and I didn’t have to sit out one dance.

‘This is fun, isn’t it?’ Ally said, her cheeks pink with a flush of excitement. ‘I’m enjoying myself.’

She hadn’t sat down all the evening either, and I noticed she also danced with Terry Cooke several times.

It was such fun that I didn’t notice Tom O’Rourke arrive. I didn’t even know he was there until I heard his voice speaking my name.

‘You look wonderful this evening, Kathy.’ I turned to face him, my heart racing. He was so attractive and he made me feel so odd – alive and excited. His eyes went over me with obvious approval. ‘That dress really suits you – makes you look grown up.’

My pleasure faded as swiftly as it had flared. How dare he be so patronizing? If the dress was all that he found attractive then it wasn’t me he was complimenting.

‘Eleanor Ross lent it to me for the evening. I could never afford anything like this. I’m just Kathy Cole from the lanes – the scruffy kid your sister took pity on sometimes. If I look different tonight it’s just an illusion.’

The tone of my voice was harsh and he looked startled, as if wondering what he’d done to annoy me. I was about to apologize, then something made me draw back.

‘Excuse me. I promised this dance to someone.’

My head held high, I walked away from him. I wasn’t sure why I felt so angry with him but his attitude had touched a raw spot. I didn’t want to be treated as if I were still that kid from the lanes. I was training to be a nurse and people had to accept me for what I was now. No one else thought of me as a child – so why should Tom O’Rourke?

For the rest of the evening I studiously avoided looking in his direction. It was easy enough to ignore him because I never lacked for a partner and I was having a lovely time. I didn’t even mind when Ally told me about the gorgeous girl he’d brought to the dance.

‘She was really lovely. Not from the hospital, though. I’ve never seen her before anyway.’

No – nor have I,’ I admitted, acknowledging that I had noticed them dancing despite my efforts not to.

‘She’s not from your way then?’

‘No. At least I don’t know her.’

She looked much too sophisticated and well dressed to be from our way, and was obviously far more Tom O’Rourke’s type than I could ever be.

It shouldn’t have bothered me one way or the other, but as I lay in bed that night I couldn’t help wondering about the very attractive young woman Dr O’Rourke had brought with him. With someone like that as a partner it was hardly likely that he would be impressed by me, even in my borrowed dress.

Over the next days and weeks I struggled to dismiss Tom O’Rourke from my mind. It had been foolish of me to feel humiliated by a remark that was probably meant well, and there had never been a chance for me anyway. Gossip was rife in the hospital and most people said the romance between Dr O’Rourke and Barbara Retford was serious.

‘Eleanor was disappointed,’ Ally told me over supper one evening. ‘Apparently she fancied him herself.’

‘Well, she stood more of a chance than I did,’ I said. ‘He liked her taste in clothes better than mine.’

‘Apparently Babs Retford is the daughter of a consultant he trained under. They’ve known each other for ages. The word is that they plan to get married in the summer.’

Ally was a mine of information. She went out most evenings when she wasn’t on duty and seemed to have settled for friendship rather than romance. Mike’s letters had begun to arrive regularly now and she had stopped worrying over him – at least she didn’t say much these days.

Billy Ryan’s mother forwarded a postcard to me from him. I’d sent him a couple of long, newsy letters but his card didn’t mention them, merely saying he was all right and hoped I was. Gran had replied to my letter to her but hadn’t written again, but then, I knew she wasn’t good at things like that. She would probably need a little help to read the letters I sent her, and I thought she might take them to Bridget O’Rourke – which was why I always told her about all the fun I was having. Not that Bridget would tell her brother, of course.