Let It Snow

The journey to Longthorpe, west Peterborough, where Roma and Patsie lived took forty minutes. Their stone house had begun as a small cottage but had been extended when Lily and Zinnia were teenagers into an L-shape with five bedrooms in the roof and a double garage. When Lily pulled onto the gravelled drive she paused a full minute beside the car to admire the garden with its arches and trellis, shapely shrubs and stone-edged paths. She always felt as if she looked into the hearts of her mothers when she looked into their garden. Even now, as winter bit, the hedges were neat and the paths swept. This year the pots had been planted with heathers and what looked like broad blades of pink grass.

She let herself into the house shouting, ‘It’s me!’ In the familiar sitting room, which still boasted its cottage credentials of beams, a stone fireplace and a black wood-burning stove, she found her mums sharing a sofa, Roma reading while Patsie tapped on her laptop to a background of Pink Floyd.

Both rose with welcoming arms. Roma’s blonde curls tumbled loose around her shoulders; Patsie’s darker locks were swept up behind her head. Both women wore comfy jeans and big smiles. ‘Hey, gorgeous!’ Roma welcomed Lily with a huge, effusive hug.

Patsie’s ‘Lily, darling,’ was more restrained but just as warm. Lily couldn’t remember an occasion when Patsie had treated her any differently to the daughter she actually gave birth to, Zinnia. Nor did Roma ever give a sign of favouring Lily over Zin.

Lily beamed as she returned the hugs. ‘Glorious smells coming from the kitchen.’ She lifted her nose to sniff.

‘We made your favourite chicken and chorizo bake once we knew you were coming.’ Roma put on her glasses and regarded her daughter through the turquoise frames. ‘Always wonderful to see you but you sounded as if something was bothering you on the phone.’

Patsie’s pansy-dark eyes fixed themselves on Lily too.

Lily had been wondering how best to broach what was on her mind so decided to offer a direct answer to their direct questions. She licked her lips. ‘I came to make sure you know I love you.’

That caught the attention of both her mothers. ‘What?’ Roma’s grey eyes grew round. ‘Yes, we do.’

Patsie’s brows lifted. ‘What on earth’s brought that on?’

Lily made herself meet their eyes. ‘Zinnia’s upset with me. She minds me living in Middledip, or, at least, the reason I’m living there – to get to know Tubb and work for him. She says that’s hurting you.’ She looked from Roma to Patsie and back again. ‘Is she right?’

Patsie and Roma exchanged glances and Roma sighed. ‘How can I complain when it was me who precipitated the situation?’

‘Let’s not rehash the history,’ Lily suggested hastily, worry inching its way through her tummy as she noted tension on Patsie’s face. ‘Is it harming our relationship that I’ve sought out a member of my natural family? You see,’ she went on honestly, ‘I think Zinnia feels I should leave Middledip and start again somewhere else and it’s affecting things between us. But I like Middledip. I like the community, working part-time at the pub, the friends I’ve made and singing with the Middletones. And I like my half-brother.’

Roma looked stricken. ‘We haven’t asked you to give those things up.’ Patsie took Roma’s hand comfortingly.

‘No, nobody’s actually asked me to. But is my living there hurting you?’ Lily persisted.

Patsie sighed. After a moment, she spoke in what Lily thought of as her ‘lawyer’s voice’, careful and thoughtful. ‘You want to know your family. The same could have gone for Zinnia because children of anonymous donors look for ways to find the male too. That Zinnia doesn’t feel that need shouldn’t be relevant to what you do.’

Lily gave her gaze for gaze. ‘But is it hurting you?’

Roma’s smile was tremulous. ‘It’s you not telling your half-brother who you are that’s tricky to deal with.’

Lily shifted restlessly. ‘Zinnia said something similar,’ she admitted. ‘But you know why I haven’t decided whether to tell him.’ She’d meant to … until the day when she’d been working with Janice getting ready to open for lunch and Tubb had stormed in after a visit to his Aunt Bonnie. Lily shuddered to remember standing there as Tubb opened his heart to Janice, obviously barely registering Lily’s presence. His aunt, with the confusion of age, had spilled some family beans, all about how her brother Marvin had had an affair with a woman he’d considered leaving his family for. Tubb had exploded to Janice that he hoped to hell his dad hadn’t done anything awful like leaving bastard kids around and Lily had wanted to sink through the floor.

She swallowed, reliving that hideous moment when she’d known what it was like to feel despised for merely being alive. ‘I don’t want him to hate me.’ She heard her voice quaver. ‘And, to be honest, I don’t really see why it should make any difference to you or Zinnia whether he knows.’

Roma glanced again at Patsie before once more addressing Lily. ‘It’s dangling over us. What will happen if you finally confess? Will you get hurt? I’m worried what it will do to you if he reacts badly and, being honest, I quail at the idea of ever having to meet him myself. He’s not going to have any love for me, is he?’ Perhaps realising she was being too frank she added, ‘However, you’re the one it affects most.’

Then Patsie’s phone began to ring and she glanced at the screen and sighed. ‘Damn, that’s Andrew from work. I’d better take this.’ She rose gracefully as she answered the call and Lily listened to her voice moving out into the hallway, growing fainter.

Lily changed sofas so that she was sitting next to Roma and lowered her voice. ‘Is it causing trouble between you and Patsie?’

Roma gave a pensive smile, brushing Lily’s hair gently back from her face. ‘When I was so headstrong and unfair as to have an affair with a man in order to get pregnant it took Patsie a while to forgive me and I suppose we’re hearing an echo or two of those horrid days.’

Patsie came back into the room, dropping her phone on the table. Lily’s unhappiness was growing but she hated the idea of her actions bringing tension into the relationship between her mums so she asked, ‘Do you both agree with Zinnia that after I’ve been to Switzerland I should leave the village to make things easier on the rest of you?’ A lump jumped into her throat even at the thought of leaving Middledip behind.

Roma and Patsie exchanged looks. It was several moments before either answered and then it was Patsie. ‘Darling, I don’t think anyone can make that decision but you.’

‘So,’ said Roma with the bright air of one determined to turn the conversation. ‘What else is going on with you? You’re so pretty, Lily, and it has been over two years since you and Sergio said your goodbyes. You ought to be out having lots of lovely dates.’

Lily submitted to the change of subject, needing time to digest her dismay that neither Roma nor Patsie had dismissed the idea of her leaving Middledip as totally unfair. She managed a smile. ‘I haven’t had a date for ages – although a man in The Three Fishes asked me on Thursday. He was drunk and horrible.’ She decided not to go into the part of the story where she’d politely refused and he’d sneeringly declared she must be a lesbian. Roma and Patsie were capable of groaning loudly and moving on but Lily believed that every cut left a scar and didn’t see why she should be the one to add to their number.

Patsie wrinkled her nose. ‘You definitely don’t want a drunk and horrible man. Zinnia says your new boss is hot. How about him?’

‘Wouldn’t argue with Zin about his hotness. I’ll ask him out and tell him one of my mums said I have to, shall I?’ Lily managed to smile again.

Her mothers laughed together as they all moved into the kitchen to dish the pasta, pour wine and talk about the plans Roma and Patsie were making for the garden next year.

On Sunday evening, having driven home and snatched a quick nap in front of the TV, Lily turned up to begin her shift at six at The Three Fishes. A rumble of conversation was already coming from the other side of the bar and a clinking of cutlery from the dining area. Baz, at twenty the youngest staff member, was supposed to be on with her but he raced in five minutes late, his trendy long-at-the-front haircut flying.

She grinned at him as she poured a glass of rosé for Melanie from Booze & News, the village shop. ‘Couldn’t you get out of bed?’

Baz, or Sebastian, as it said on the payroll, glanced around with a hunted expression. ‘Playing Grand Theft Auto and forgot to get ready for work. Is Isaac stressing?’

‘Not noticeably.’

‘But it never is noticeable,’ Baz groaned. ‘He just quietly gives the impression you’re a world-class tosser.’ Baz had dropped out of uni last year and was working longish part-time hours while he decided what to do next. Popular with customers, he had a ready smile and had been brought up in Middledip. As Isaac emerged from the dining area Baz hastily found a customer to serve.

Lily turned the card reader so Melanie could make a contactless card payment. It would be her last shift until the end of next week as she only worked at the pub fifteen to eighteen hours a week: three evening shifts with maybe a lunchtime thrown in, usually over the period Thursday to Sunday, the pub’s quietest days being Monday to Wednesday. She liked the pattern. When she’d first returned to the UK it had been with the idea of building up her design business. She’d thought checking out the situation in Middledip would keep her only a few days. But then she’d seen the advert for bar staff and it had seemed meant to be and though when she’d left Bar Barcelona she’d planned never to stand behind a bar again … well, she’d applied and here she was. The work wasn’t onerous and left time to freelance on exhibition projects, which had a less predictable income stream because business was proving slow to build. Currently, her future work schedule consisted of two stands for the London Book Fair in March and the prospect of more work from British Country Foods, the company Max and Garrick worked for. That wouldn’t be exhibition design so much as two-dimensional work such as layouts for brochures but she had the skills and she wasn’t precious.

On the plus side, rent at Carola’s wasn’t high and Sergio had bought Lily out of their apartment, which had given her a modest nest egg and him a bigger mortgage with a Spanish bank.

It was after nine when she turned from ringing up two large glasses of white wine and a Hendrick’s gin with elderflower tonic, and a smiling woman ordered half a pint of lager. As Lily passed her the change she asked, ‘Is Isaac O’Brien around, please? Will you tell him Flora’s here?’ Her brown hair was pulled into a knot at the nape of her neck and her expression was open and friendly.

Lily smiled back, thinking ‘Another pretty woman looking for Isaac?’ before answering cheerfully, ‘He’s around somewhere. I’ll find him.’

She whizzed out of the bar and discovered Isaac talking to Chef. His eyes lit up when he heard Flora was waiting. ‘I’ll be right there.’

Lily did as requested, then went out into the dining area to clear plates. From there she was ideally placed to see Isaac arrive behind the bar, open the counter flap, hug the brown-haired woman and usher her through. When Lily took the same route, a pile of plates and cutlery in her arms, she glanced all around the back area on her way to the kitchen but there was no sign of Isaac and his visitor.

Perhaps he’d found a replacement for the glamorous Hayley already? Good-looking men never need be short of company.

Chapter Five

It was meant to be one of Isaac’s days off but Monday didn’t seem to have got that memo. He’d already taken a call from the wholesaler to order soft drinks and bar snacks, shown his face in the bar at lunchtime to see Tina was OK and to check the beer cellar. He was a better build than Tina for hauling beer kegs and firkins around.

Back upstairs, he went into the kitchen, which was the only part of Tubb and Janice’s accommodation he used. His own space was a nice bedroom with en suite, once one of two sets of guest accommodation, but it had nowhere to make meals or do laundry. He made a cup of tea and a chicken sandwich and sat down at the table to phone Tubb, who was unused to leaving his pub in the hands of others for long and got antsy. After reassuring the owner that everything was hunky-dory, Isaac called his parents and invited them to The Three Fishes tomorrow evening. ‘Flora’s offered to drive you over,’ he added. They’d moved into Peterborough when Isaac’s dad had had to give up farm work so maybe they’d enjoy a trip to the country, even if just for an evening.

He ate his lunch, Doggo watching fixedly. ‘There’s time for a good walk today. Really stretch our legs,’ Isaac told him, popping the last of his sandwich into his mouth without sharing. ‘I’ve printed a map of the area from footpathmaps.com. I need to think about getting myself ready for the instructor courses I’m taking. A fast eight-mile walk will do today and maybe tomorrow we’ll drive off into Derbyshire and find some hills.’

Doggo wagged his tail.

‘I’ve moped around long enough, feeling adrift. I don’t have an exact end-date for this job but it’s an OK stopgap. I cannot wait to leave the atrocious hours and perilous rewards of the hospitality industry behind forever. Losing the Juno made me want out.’ The Three Fishes was informal and laid-back after the Juno but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being with Hayley for so long had made him so bloody aspirational that he’d almost forgotten how it felt to jog along within his comfort zone.

He rose, causing Doggo to bound to his feet too, and went into his own room. It hadn’t seen heavy use before he arrived and, decorated in cream, brown and blue was a pleasant enough place to live. It looked over the car park and the playing fields. With not much in the way of household tasks to weigh him down and no girlfriend to worry about he was enjoying an uncluttered style of living. Much of his personal stuff was stored in Flora’s loft and he’d worked things out with Hayley financially rather than take any of their furniture. His career-in-waiting as an outdoor pursuits instructor would take him to pastures new and would include staff accommodation.

Beyond work, Isaac was pretty isolated these days. The mates from before he met Hayley had faded away over the years. Although initially intrigued by his glam older girlfriend, his friends had come to think that Hayley was too focused on her career and what it brought her and that Isaac had grown the same, especially once he was running his own business. He’d seen it more as going into a shared future and increasing his capacity to earn … but all that had been before he’d failed to meet Hayley’s gold standard, of course.

She certainly had exhibited no need of his friends. Her own good friends numbered just Vicky and Nicola, a pair of sisters who were so similar to each other and to Hayley in dress and attitudes that they might as well have been one person. Hayley had been tight with them since uni days when her own parents had died and she’d spent a lot of holidays at their home. Vicky had a husband, Adie, and Nicola a Colombian boyfriend called Javier, but though Isaac had got along OK with all of them, he wasn’t in touch post break-up.

It was nice to have an excitedly wagging Doggo around for company. Isaac pulled on boots and a jacket and threaded Doggo into his harness. He slid his map into a plastic sleeve and clipped it to a lightweight backpack containing hat and gloves and added a couple of water bottles, enough for Doggo too, though Doggo generally seemed to prefer puddles. Plugging his earphones into his phone he found his ‘walking’ playlist, then jogged downstairs and out of the door at the side of the building to the rousing sound of ‘Goldfinger’, heart lifting to be striding out, first across the playing fields and then over Port Road and onto the first bridleway. He let Doggo’s lead reel out and picked up his pace, the chill air nipping at his ears.

As he strode, he mentally planned fitness building. His first course would be Outdoor Instructor’s Training in Wales, including navigation, climbing, first aid, water sports, orienteering, cycle training and group communication skills. Next would come Survival Training in the New Forest and then he’d move on to France to develop his climbing skills. After that he’d start looking around for work because he’d need an injection of cash, though he hadn’t lost quite all his money over the Juno closing.

Just all of his pride.

He marched faster as if to outdistance the sense of failure, then decided to jog for thirty seconds out of every sixty for the next ten minutes. Interval training would toughen him up and the faster beating of his heart might help him go forward rather than look back. As he increased his pace Doggo looked around, eyes bright and tail whipping as he joined in too. Once he got running Doggo flowed like a black-and-white cheetah but he began with a plunge like a rocking horse. It made Isaac grin.

It was dark and a few minutes after six o’clock opening time when Isaac arrived back at the pub, returning the way he’d come over the playing fields and car park. Pleasantly tired, he’d dropped his pace to a stroll, giving his muscles a chance to cool down. Doggo wasn’t even panting as he flattened his ears neatly against the wind.

Isaac’s footsteps were muffled by the grass as he approached the tarmac car park. Two women were standing next to one of the cars. The taller one had planted her hands on her hips and the smaller was glaring up at her. Her voice was low as she snapped, ‘I thought we were going to have a nice dinner together. I didn’t realise it was another opportunity for you to try and run my life.’ Isaac’s step faltered as he recognised Lily’s voice.

‘You need to be aware of how Mum and Roma feel about this brother thing—’

He was pretty sure that was the sister again, the one with the odd name. Zinnia? Her hair was being dragged around as the wind rose and she yanked up her hood.

‘Back off!’ Lily exploded, voice tight and high. ‘Shut the front door, Zinnia! If you can’t keep your opinions to yourself then I’m going.’

Zinnia sighed and her voice softened. ‘It’s just that I care about you, Lily.’

‘I’m sure you do.’ Lily sounded choked now. ‘But you might as well go home and have dinner with George. I work at this pub and I’m not up for you embarrassing me in front of my workmates or my new boss by giving me a hard time.’

Her words prompted Isaac to go gently into reverse to spare her exactly that embarrassment, though Doggo, who was no doubt anticipating dinnertime, gave him an aghast stare. They could circumnavigate the pub car park on the playing fields, circle onto Main Road and then come at the side door from there.

But Zinnia’s next remark halted Isaac as he took the first stride. Her laugh was low. ‘Oh, yes, the hot boss you’re going to ask out. How’s that going?’

Isaac turned back to stare at the two figures illuminated by the lights from the pub.

‘I was joking with the mums about asking him out,’ Lily responded despondently. ‘Though I did say he was hot. You said so yourself. It’s about the only thing we’ve agreed on lately.’ She hugged herself against the bitter wind.

That was the moment Doggo chose to indicate that he’d had enough of lurking in the damp darkness instead of being taken indoors for dinner and a nap. He gave a couple of loud woofs.

Isaac cringed. Both women swung around. Doggo wagged his tail as if pleased to have caught their attention.

Lily, in the car park light, looked horrified. She turned away in slow motion, head tilted and eyes closed in an obvious ‘Ooooh noooo’.

Isaac stood rooted to the spot. Realising that Zinnia was still gazing at him with an expression torn between ‘Oh, shit!’ and laughter he decided to take control of the situation. And by that he meant … totally pretend he hadn’t heard.

‘Evening, ladies,’ he said genially, strolling onto the car park on a trajectory aimed at the side door.

‘Evening,’ Zinnia echoed in a strangled voice. And then as she caught sight of Lily turning and trudging away her voice rose uncertainly. ‘Hey, are we really not having dinner, Lily? I honestly didn’t mean to …’ Her voice tailed off as Lily shook her head and kept moving, heading towards the side of the building, probably to walk past it to Main Road.

It would have been less awkward if Isaac could have used the back door but with Doggo in tow that really wasn’t possible because it would have taken them across the route where food was carried to the dining area and bar. He could have stopped to check his phone to give her a chance to make her escape, but Doggo was straining on his leash. Isaac tried to keep his steps slow so he wouldn’t overtake her as, behind him, he heard Zinnia sigh, ‘Oh, Lileeee,’ before there came the sound of a car door opening and then slamming shut.

Lily’s steps faltered, her head drooping. Isaac thought he heard her sniff. Then she swung around, taking a hasty step as if she meant to stop Zinnia driving off. Shock flashed across her face as she found Isaac immediately behind her.

In the light from the headlights that came on as Zinnia’s car started up he could see tears glittering on her cheeks like ice crystals. Isaac stared down at her. The car headlights swept across them and then Zinnia’s car drove on.

For several moments the wind buffeted, threading icy air into collars and up sleeves. Isaac’s hair blew into his face and he felt the first sting of rain. Then it came faster, heavier, hitting his scalp like pellets. Lily groaned, ‘Oh, great!’

Isaac reached into his pocket for his key and heard himself say calmly, ‘It’s going to pour down. I’m going in for a hot drink. Fancy one?’

He threw open the door on a gust of wind as the sky broke and all the rain it held fell out.

As Isaac moved forward an eager Doggo did the same. Unfortunately, as he was on the other side of Lily, the taut lead caught painfully across the backs of her legs. Wrong-footed – literally – she stumbled over the threshold behind Isaac. Part of her wanted to turn tail for home but the rain and gusting wind tried to get in behind her and, reflexively, she closed the door. ‘Um, thanks,’ she muttered.

‘No prob.’ Isaac strode upstairs behind Doggo as if assuming she’d accepted his invitation to join him in a hot drink and would follow. As her other options were to stand alone at the foot of the stairs or brave the monsoon hammering down outside, reluctantly she did so. When she gained the landing Doggo was rolling and wriggling on the carpet to dry himself. ‘No, Doggo!’ Isaac’s voice floated from an open doorway and Lily and Doggo both followed it.

She’d been up to Tubb and Janice’s flat and knew the kitchen. A pine table stood in the centre and she hung her coat on the back of one of the chairs, trying not to meet Isaac’s gaze as she sat down.

He fed Doggo, then filled the kettle as rain hit the window like handfuls of gravel. ‘Sounds like quite a squall,’ Isaac commented, glancing at the dark glass and taking down two mugs. One bore the picture of a Dalmatian and the words Kind, intelligent and batshit crazy.

Lily cleared her throat. ‘The radio said it might turn to hail or sleet. We’re heading into a cold snap.’

‘Oh?’ He fished a carton of milk from the fridge. He seemed no keener to meet her gaze than she was his.

Crap. That almost guaranteed he’d overheard. She sighed and decided to get the embarrassment over with just in case he’d invited her up here on the assumption she’d be an easy conquest – though he hadn’t struck her as the sort. ‘Sorry you were treated to a sisterly spat. Contrary to what you might have observed so far, Zin and I do love each other. Luckily, she’s funny and warm as well as opinionated. Did you hear much of what she said?’ She tried to sound nonchalant but her cheeks were burning.