Полная версия
Play It Again, Sahm
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: VIMI think Buddha-enhanced drugs would be less scary than your evangelical-induced Nirvana. But you know I love ya anyway.
Veronica
From: Thomas HuckleberryHey, hotstuff, what are you doing?
From: Dulcie HuckleberryWorking, of course. Nobody warned me that interior design would entail marital counseling. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow with the Kerricks, who are fighting over the design of their master suite. She said she wanted “red walls and gold satin curtains” and his response was “Great, we’ll be sleeping in a bordello.”
She said, “And how would you know about that?”
“Well, how else is a guy going to get some action, huh?”
And then they were off. I know FAR too much about the Kerricks now. Blech!
So my job tomorrow is to calm them both down before they decide to get a divorce and leave me with an outstanding bill. This is NOT what they trained us for in school!
What are you doing? Where are the kids?
Love ya!
Dulcie
From: Thomas HuckleberryI’m e-mailing you. The kids are…let’s see… MacKenzie is doing a hair-singeing experiment with the lighter, and I gave the twins permission to take their dolls to the roof and play up there for a while.
From: Dulcie HuckleberryYour humor is sad, as in S-A-H-D, stay-at-home DAD SAD. You obviously are bored and don’t have enough to keep you busy. You could bring me a snack or something.
A snack? Do I look like a live-in maid? Sheesh. I cook for you, I clean for you, I care for the kids—and this is the thanks I get? Bring me a snack? I’m insulted.
From: Dulcie HuckleberryYou might as well—you’ve still got a dish towel over your shoulder. You look like housekeeper material to me. Just missing the apron.
From: Thomas HuckleberryShoot! I forgot again. I hate that— I put it there when I load the dishwasher, and then it’s there the rest of the day. But an apron? Not even on my dead body, got it? A SAHD has to have SOME boundaries.
And why are you e-mailing me when I’m sitting not four feet away from you?
From: Dulcie HuckleberryMe? You started it!
Huck: True. This better?
Dulcet: No! I can’t IM. I have to work!
Huck: Chill, sweetheart. It’ll be okay.
Dulcet: No, it won’t. How would you like this little entrepreneurial endeavor of Homemaker Interiors to fail before it’s even two months old? Right now, the Kerricks are my ONLY clients.
Huck: You’re not going to fail.
Dulcet: If they bail on me because their marriage breaks up, we’re not going to make the house payment next month.
Huck: They won’t bail.
Dulcet: From your lips to God’s ears.
Huck: And don’t worry about the house payment. That’s what our year’s worth of savings is for.
Dulcet: Yeah, but I don’t want to use it! It takes at least three years to get a business going. And about half that money is from our parents. Even though
Huck: Yes, it’s called an “investment.”
Dulcet: it’s a gift…yeah, or “investment,” I still don’t want to use it until absolutely necessary.
Huck: I know. But it will be okay.
Dulcet: Thanks for the vote of confidence. I just know how much is riding on me succeeding with this. It’s really scary sometimes.
Huck: Don’t put so much pressure on yourself—it’s not just you. We’re in this together, remember? And WHY are we having this conversation via IM when we are sitting in the same room?
Dulcet: YOU STARTED IT!!! And anyway, I have to get back to work. Somebody has to earn money in this family, mister.
Huck: Hey, you can’t be so high and mighty with me, Ms. Self-Employed Business Woman. Dulcet: Why not?
Huck: Because I’ve seen you wake up, and it’s impossible to be a snob to someone who snuggled you first thing this morning.
Dulcet: Snuggled? Is that what you’re calling it now?
Huck: Is that inaccurate?
Dulcet: I am WORKING! I am professional and very busy!!!
Huck: You’re blushing…it’s so cute.
Dulcet: I cannot IM you about stuff like that right now or else the Kerricks’ master suite WILL end up looking like a bordello! Don’t you have some preschool disaster to clean up or something?
Huck: I love you, Dulcie.
Dulcet: I love you, too. Now go away.
Dulcet: And stop laughing at me!
Huck signed off at 3:48:23 p.m.
Dulcet signed off at 3:48:35 p.m.
From: Brenna LOkay, I’ll play. I just got home from my twins’ ten month checkup. Tess is doing great. But we’re worried about Patrick. He is just now sitting up without support, but he can’t get himself there on his own yet. And the doctor says he should be able to pull into a standing position!
Tess is such a go-getter, but Patrick doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t try to reach for toys, and he hardly ever makes a sound. He’s a lot smaller than Tess, too. At first, I thought he’s just a really laid-back kid, but now I’m afraid he’s actually behind. Lots of studies talk about how in vitro fertilization babies are at higher risk for developmental delays, and my two were from a frozen embryo adoption, too! What if all the antiembryo adoption people are right, and it’s our fault that Patrick is delayed? They all say that frozen embryos are weaker and more prone to developing birth defects.
The pediatrician said we need to look for hidden ear infections. But I’m worried it might be worse than that. We love Patrick, but if there’s something wrong with him, Darren will be devastated. He’s under a lot of pressure to do the whole “have a son to take over the farm” thing with his family. What if Patrick can’t do that?
And yeah, I got the guilt thing going on, too. It shouldn’t matter if there’s anything wrong with Patrick or not. We will still love him anyway. We shouldn’t be disappointed or put expectations on our kids. I know. And I feel bad because I’m doing it anyway.
How’s that for total honesty?
Brenna
From: Marianne HaustenBrenna, thanks for being so honest. I don’t want to make light of your worries, but I used to also worry a lot about Helene. She’s always been so obstinate and headstrong— I thought maybe she had some psychopathic disorder. But she’s just strong willed. And now that she’s three and a half, she’s getting better. My slowly stiffening backbone about being firm with her is helping a lot, too.
I guess I’m trying to say that ten months old is a little early to be too worried about developmental stuff. Kids grow at different rates. Your pediatrician wasn’t too worried, right?
I’ve got “boy troubles”, too—of a different sort—with little Neil, who is now just over two years old. Actually, it’s not him so much as it is me. Me and my lifelong inability to stand up to anybody or deal with disapproval or conflict. I’ve gotten so much more confident about being firm with Helene that I thought it wouldn’t be a problem with Neil, either. And it’s not…well, not directly.
I know I’m not making much sense, but I don’t have the energy to explain it right now. I definitely don’t want to get into it on the loop quite yet. That’s my honest confession. I still have a lot of clashes with Helene. Sometimes I just can’t deal with any more conflicts, and this thing with Neil will definitely create a controversy there.
Anyway, try not to stress about Patrick. He’s probably just fine.
Love,
Marianne
From: The MillardsOkay, everyone, here’s my deep, dark confession. I haven’t told ANYBODY on the loop this yet…
About a month ago, my husband, Shane, got a huge promotion—to VP of the web design firm he works for. Came with a big raise, and we’re all really happy about it. But here’s the kicker— Shane and I had a long discussion. Seems he’s STILL not satisfied about my ability to say “no” to doing stuff. I mean, it’s a lot better than it was a couple of years ago. We’re still homeschooling, and with four kids—one of whom is now a teenager—there’s bound to be a lot of activities. We only let the kids pick three extra things per week to be involved in. So it’s only twelve total! But I’m not directing the church Christmas production, or teaching the marriage classes, or coordinating the home school co-op classes. I still lead a women’s Bible study group, but that’s ministry so it doesn’t count!
I tried to explain all this to Shane. He says that since I am pathologically unable to maintain anything resembling a sane schedule that his only alternative is to…
HIRE EXTRA HELP!
That’s right—he forced me to hire a housekeeping service! And he’s making me allow a teen home school student come over to be a “mommy’s helper.” As if I need help or something! Can you believe it?
So now, I have to go away once a week and when I come home, the Happy Housekeepers have been all over my home—straightening, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms. Yes, they CLEAN my bathrooms! It’s so embarrassing.
And Tasha, the homeschooler, comes twice a week to tutor and watch Evelyn and Audra so I can take Cassia to dance lessons and Tyler to home school band. (He’s playing the saxophone—isn’t that terrific?)
My life is ruined. A mom ought to be able to manage running her own household. I didn’t need help. What do these Happy Housekeepers know about my home anyway? Well, other than that Tyler sometimes misses the toilet bowl…
Oh my goodness! They KNOW my son has bad aim!
I can never show my face again in public.
Jocelyn
From: Dulcie HuckleberryShe’s mad that her husband insisted on hiring a housekeeping service? Somebody shoot her.
JocelynM: Hey! Be nice!
Dulcet: I am. I could have said you sounded like Rosalyn. But I didn’t.
JocelynM: Yeah, okay. You were nice.
Dulcet: Seriously, what is your problem? I would LOVE to have a housekeeping service. We can’t afford it.
JocelynM: I just feel like if I’d been doing the job I should be doing, Shane wouldn’t have gone and hired someone else to do it. How would you feel if you had to hire someone else to do your design work for you?
Dulcet: If I had to hire another designer, I’d be thrilled because it would mean my business is really growing. Most people view hiring as a step up.
JocelynM: It just feels like a big failure to me. Maybe I *should* be shot.
Dulcet: I’m sorry.
JocelynM: I gotta run. Tonight is piano lessons and we have to leave in a half hour.
Dulcet: Have fun.
JocelynM signed off at 6:18:04 p.m.
From: VIMHey Jocelyn,
Frank and I got ourselves a cleaning lady right after we got married a few years ago. It’s been a lifesaver. Or at least a sanity saver for me, anyway. Don’t know what I would have done without the extra help.
Don’t worry—once you get used to it, you’ll wonder how you ever survived without it. I can’t remember the last time I actually had to clean the bathroom myself!
Veronica
From: Dulcie HuckleberryCan’t remember the last time she had to clean the bathroom? Somebody shoot her, too.
From: Rosalyn EbberlyDulcie dear,
You seem a little tense or unhappy about the good fortunes of Jocelyn and Veronica. Do we have a bit of an envy problem?
I used to feel the same way. But you know what I’ve learned? The key to inner peace is learning to be content. That’s what the Apostle Paul learned—contentment no matter what. Everything is a blessing—even a dirty bathroom! It really is.
Here’s a challenge for you—the next time you are elbow deep in the toilet bowl, giving it a good scrub, just start praising God for the blessing of having to clean a toilet. And what, you may ask, is there to be thankful for about a dirty toilet?
It means, dear one, that you have a family to make it dirty. Blessings and peace,
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Dulcie HuckleberryNever mind someone else. I’ll shoot her myself.
Dulcie
From: P. LorimerFellow loopers,
I think this is a wonderful topic. Thanks, Rosalyn!
Here is my honest confession: I am a pastor’s wife. Rightly or not, we’re held to unreasonably higher standard of behavior than everyone else. But I am also a graduate student with an advisor that, frankly, I can’t stand.
She was my professor this past semester for a class called Women’s Voices: Misogyny, Religion and Community in Early Modern Europe. It was actually a fascinating study about the cultural and political treatment of women during this time period. I absolutely loved the class. We studied primary sources, private journals of women, letters, stories, sermons, books—some were humorous and others were heartbreaking.
My advisor is actually a brilliant woman and an amazing teacher. At first, I was so impressed with her and the research she’s done, that I chose her as my advisor. But I didn’t know until I had her for class this summer what she was really like.
She’s quite the feminist, and when she found out that I am married to a pastor, she made barbed comments about it during class. It was embarrassing and demeaning. And stupid. She’s very intelligent, but her sarcastic remarks made her sound immature and not very bright.
I feel guilty for not liking her. After all, I know that God loves her, and if Jesus were in my shoes, He’d forgive this woman and be able to see past the petty smallness and into her heart.
But for once in my life, I’d like to not do the “spiritually correct” thing. My husband, Jonathan, told me that he thinks God led me to my advisor for a reason. I’m sure He did, but I’m not happy about it at all. A normal person would request an advisement change. A normal person would not put up with this crap.
I, however, don’t feel I have the freedom to be a “normal person.” (No quips about that, you guys!) It would affect my funding for my dissertation, and it would not be good for my reputation. Right now, I’m not too happy about that at all.
So that’s the confession— Ms. Holy Pastor’s Wife doesn’t want to be the “light and love of Christ” to this bitter woman. Ms. Holy Pastor’s Wife is tired of doing the right thing and would like to do the usual human thing of writing her off permanently.
Ms. Holy Pastor’s Wife is grumpy.
Phyllis
ZeeMuzzy: hey phyllis—you trying to bait rosalyn or what?
PhyllisLorimer: No. I just needed to vent.
ZeeMuzzy: well, i don’t blame you. but you know ros is going to have something to say about it.
PhyllisLorimer: Something along the lines of “Thanks for your honesty, dear, but I’m a little concerned about the example you’re setting for the other women. We who are in a position of leadership need to be conscious of what our actions are saying to others,” perhaps?
ZeeMuzzy: precisely
PhyllisLorimer: Too late. I’ve already preached that sermon to myself and the effect lasted about as long as people’s memories of Jonathan’s sermons do on Sunday morning.
ZeeMuzzy: the amount of time it takes for the congregation to walk from their seat to the back of the sanctuary?
PhyllisLorimer: The average for that is 21.6 seconds. So a little less than that, yes.
ZeeMuzzy: poor girl. wish i had something spiritually profound to say.
PhyllisLorimer: I do, too. You know I’d listen.
ZeeMuzzy:
PhyllisLorimer: Happy thought, indeed.
ZeeMuzzy: shouldn’t be long now. wait for it…
PhyllisLorimer: Waiting. Nothing yet.
ZeeMuzzy: wait for it…
PhyllisLorimer: Waiting with anticipation and mortal dread.
ZeeMuzzy: 3…2…1…
From: P. LorimerHow very odd—six hours later and no response! I wonder what happened to her?
Phyllis
From: Zelia MuzuwaHuh. Therapy session run long, maybe?
Z
From: VIMOkay, y’all… I mean, all of you (sorry Ros),
All y’all (argh, I can’t help it! I may not be native Texan, but I tell you… I have the soul of one!)—anyway, you all have inspired me with your honesty, so here’s what’s going on in lil’ old Ronnie’s corner of the earth…
Ashley’s now thirteen years old, and as determined to make her momma miserable as ever a teenager was. Keeps talking nonsense about how she wants to go live with her “real mom” instead of her dad and me—despite the fact that “Real Mom” sent BACK the Christmas presents the kiddos made for her last year! I know Ashley’s just trying to annoy us, but it’s super irritating to have to admit it works.
Courtney’s nine and Stanley’s seven. And other than the sibling war that the two girls have been waging since…birth, I guess, they’re not doing too badly.
And my baby, Stephenie is eighteen months old now! I shouldn’t phrase it like that, I suppose. I feel like the other three are mine, too, after being the only real mama they’ve ever had for three years now. But y’all know what I mean, I hope.
