Afraid To Lose Her

They’re in this fight together

Border patrol agent Desmond Jackson would gladly take a bullet for his partner. Instead, it’s Detroit border patrol agent Sherri Lopez who ends up wounded in a drug raid...then blindsided by a shocking diagnosis.

The woman Dez secretly loves is a warrior now in a fight for her life. Strong and independent, Sherri won’t let anything defeat her—or let herself rely on Dez. Doesn’t she realize how good they are together? All Dez knows is he can’t lose her...or the friendship that’s slowly evolving into something even more precious.

If he’d been here, she would have been okay.

He would have...what? Dez wasn’t a doctor. He was just a man who cared for her. Who would do anything to save her. But what could he do in this case? He took a seat in the chair beside Sherri’s hospital bed and leaned his elbows on his knees. His head in his hands, he closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath.

He stood and pressed his lips against her forehead. “You have to fight this, my fierce warrior. Fight this and come back to me healthy and well.” He kissed her again and listened to her soft breathing.

Sherri’s mom whispered, “You love her.” She said it as a statement, not a question.

Dez nodded and took Sherri’s hand in his. Pressed his lips to it and watched her sleep. “Always.”

Dear Reader,

As a breast cancer survivor, I am so excited to bring you the Hope Center Stories about three women who are on their own journeys with cancer. They will face their fears and celebrate their victories together because that’s how we defeat this horrible disease: with the love and support of family, friends and medical staff. As long as we can hold on to each other, cancer cannot destroy us. It may damage and scar our bodies, but our faith and will to live will help carry us through.

Sherrita Lopez is about to start her own fight with breast cancer. For someone who prides herself so much on her independence, she is about to learn that the journey requires family and friends to support and love her through the difficult times. She also discovers that the friend who has always been by her side is the man she can’t live without.

For those who have defeated cancer, I would remind you that we need to continue to live as warriors and help those who are in the middle of their own journeys by sharing our stories and advice. Celebrate those scars because they are physical proof that we could not be defeated. For those who are in the middle of their own fight, I would encourage you to reach out to those around you for support because you’ll need that in those dark days and to celebrate in the small victories. Don’t give up! For those who have lost loved ones to cancer, I send my love and prayers.

Syndi

Afraid to Lose Her

Syndi Powell

www.millsandboon.co.uk

SYNDI POWELL started writing stories when she was young and has made it a lifelong pursuit. She’s been reading Harlequin romance novels since she was in her teens and is thrilled to be on the Harlequin team. She loves to connect with readers on Twitter, @syndipowell, or on her Facebook author page, Facebook.com/syndipowellauthor.

This book is dedicated to the doctors who saved my life: Dr. Christopher Frocillo, Dr. Stephen Cahill and Dr. Salman Fateh. Thank you for your care and support through one of the most difficult times of my life. Because of your tireless dedication to your patients, many of us are able to celebrate more birthdays and holidays. We owe you so much.

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Introduction

Dear Reader

Title Page

About the Author

Dedication

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

EPILOGUE

Extract

Copyright

CHAPTER ONE

SHERRITA LOPEZ TOOK a sip of lukewarm coffee from the cardboard cup and glanced around the group of about a dozen federal agents that had gathered in a parking lot of the building that housed the Drug Enforcement Agency. They all looked similar in navy jackets with “DEA” or “ATF” written in gold on the back. They even seemed to have the same haircut. She pulled her long brown hair over one shoulder and wished she fit in better. Maybe she shouldn’t have worn her usual work outfit: navy suit jacket, white blouse and navy pants.

Her partner from Border Patrol had promised he’d meet her there, but she’d seen no sign of Desmond Jackson. A woman in a navy nylon jacket walked up to her and nodded at the cup of coffee. “That any good?”

Sherri shrugged. “It’s caffeine at least.” She looked the woman over. “You with the DEA?”

“I’m Darla.” The woman nodded and leaned against a parked van. “It’s amazing, you know. I don’t have many women in my office, but they put our agencies together and I automatically gravitate toward you. It’s nice to see a feminine face among all these hard masculine ones. Like calling to like, I guess.”

“It’s hard being one of the few. I understand that well enough.” She took another draw of her coffee. “Do you know what the scoop is with this raid? Details have been sketchy.”

“Gang bringing drugs over from Canada, which is why I guess they brought you Border Patrol agents in.” She glanced around. “I just wish we’d stop standing around and actually do something. But hurry up and wait seems to be the agenda for the day.”

“They’re probably waiting for someone. Or something.”

At that, she spotted the bald head of her tall partner moving through the other agents. He stood head and shoulders above most as he wound his way around toward her. His light brown skin bathed in the early sunlight. Sherri waved Dez over and glanced at her watch. He shrugged and passed her a cup of real coffee from their favorite diner. “Had to make a stop. I know you wouldn’t be able to handle the action without real coffee.”

She took the cup and smiled. “Bless you.”

He nodded at the female Drug Enforcement agent. “You hear anything about when we’re going in?”

Sherri shook her head. “Soon, I guess.”

The woman crossed her arms over her chest. “Like I said, it’s the agency policy. Hurry up and wait.” She held a hand out to Sherri. “Nice meeting you. How about after this we go out for lunch or something? I’d love to hear about your experience. Maybe compare notes.”

Sherri shook her hand. “I’d like that. Good luck out there.”

Darla nodded and walked away. Dez turned back to her. “New friend?”

“Maybe. She was happy to see another woman among all the testosterone.” She finished her first coffee and searched the lot for a garbage can and walked to it and tossed it in. Turning, she took a sip of the coffee that Dez had brought her and sighed. “I hate this waiting around. Just give us our orders and let’s do this thing.” She turned to her partner and eyed his jeans paired with a white button-down shirt. “A little casual for you.”

He looked down at his outfit. “It’s a raid on a Saturday, not dinner with the president. Listen. I told the guy in charge that we’d take point, if that’s okay with you.”

Absolutely it was. She had jumped at the chance to volunteer in order to coordinate efforts along with Dez. She wanted to be in the middle of it. To be responsible for taking down one of the gangs bringing drugs over. This was, after all, why she’d joined Border Patrol: to guard her country from outside harm. “Sounds good to me.”

One of the agents stood up in the bed of a truck and cupped his hands around his mouth to magnify the sound. Conversations stopped, and focus sharpened to the agent in charge. “Orders are being sent around now along with earpieces so we can communicate during the raid. Thank you to Agents Lopez and Jackson from Border Patrol, who will be taking point at the warehouse.” He gave a nod toward them. “We’ll be entering on my count. Intel says that they aren’t armed and have no idea we’re coming. I’d like to keep that element of surprise. Questions?”

A murmur rose, but there were no questions. A short guy wearing a bulletproof vest thrust earpieces and a receiver at them. “You’re in the van.”

Dez smirked as the man walked off, still handing out equipment. “He’s got the body armor on, but how much you want to bet that he won’t be entering the warehouse?”

Sherri adjusted the stiff vest she wore herself. She might be brave, but she wasn’t stupid. As much as Dez sneered, he wore one, too. Department-issue bulletproof vest that could take a few shots, depending on the ammunition. Not that it would completely protect them if things went sideways. She glanced around the parking lot and saw several agents getting into the van. “You ready for this?”

Dez gave a short nod. “I’ve been waiting since six this morning to see some action.”

“And you chose to leave the military why?”

“There’s a difference, and you well know it.” He steered her toward the van and let her get in first before following her inside. “Doesn’t mean I don’t miss it at times.”

The drive to the riverside warehouse took about ten minutes, and they parked the vehicles in the parking lot next door to their target. Without a word, Sherri walked to the warehouse, gun in hand, scanning the docks and surrounding areas for any gang members. Empty. She reached the door that was the point of entry for the raid and stood against the wall, waiting for the signal to enter. Dez squatted behind her and leaned in close enough that she could feel his breath on her ear. “Call me crazy, but I got a bad feeling about this.”

She turned and watched as one of the DEA agents counted down from five with his fingers. After he held up one finger, he waved Sherri and Dez to enter the warehouse. Sherri kicked at the door and shouted, “Federal agents! Get down! Get down!”

Chaos erupted in the warehouse. Tables overturned; guns were drawn. The noise level rose as more agents screamed out orders, and the drug dealers shouted back. Sherri wasn’t certain who fired their guns first, but a barrage of bullets started to fill the air in their direction. She crouched down behind a wooden pallet and looked over at Dez, who shook his head. He pointed to his chest then to the right. Then to her and the floor.

There was no way she was going to sit still while the action happened around her. She shook her head, pointed to her chest and then to the right. Dez rolled his eyes and nodded. He pointed to himself then to her, meaning he’d follow her.

Sherri crawled to the right then stopped as she saw two shoes on the other side of the table she crouched behind. She wasn’t sure if they belonged to someone on their team or to one of the drug runners, but she wasn’t going to wait to find out. She pointed them out to Dez then held up her gun. She stood and held her gun out in front of her. “Federal agent. Put your hands up!”

The guy turned to face her, shooting his gun in her direction as he did so. It felt like everything was in slow motion after that. She fired her weapon twice as she fell to the floor, knocked over by the weight of Dez. She felt the back of her head smack on the concrete floor, and she moaned.

Dez looked down at her, his body lying on top of hers. “Are you okay? Did he get you?”

She squirmed under the weight of him. The sensation of his body against hers felt odd, yet familiar and intimate in the middle of a gunfight. She tucked that thought away to analyze later. “Why did you knock me down? I had him.”

“More like he had you.” Dez poked his head up then frowned down at her. “Stay down or you’ll get us both killed.”

She rolled to her belly and used her arms to push herself off the floor. “Intelligence said four or five guys and no weapons. What happened?”

“So much for the intel.” He pulled her closer to his side. Bullets still flew in the air around them. He aimed his weapon at one of the drug dealers who provided suppressive fire to cover their retreat. Dez fired his gun and hit the man in the shoulder, then turned to aim at another one who shot at the DEA agents by the front door. One shot, and the man went down, too. Sherri knew Dez was a good shot. He’d been known for it in the Marine Corps, but she’d never seen it firsthand. Impressive.

“Do you plan on taking them all down one by one?”

He glanced back at her. “Right now my goal is to get us all out alive. Forget trying to subdue twenty men with a team of half that.”

Sherri nodded and took in their surroundings. Two DEA agents held down one of the drug runners, but there were at least a dozen more of the bad guys by one of the exits with guns blazing. She did a perimeter check and noticed a door on the far right side of the warehouse. Probably led to an office, but it could be a means of getting out. Or there could be more of these drug runners hiding out and waiting for their time to take them all down. She pointed it out to Dez, who gave a short nod. “Go. I’ll back you up.”

She took a deep breath then got to her feet and ran for the office door. A man to her left turned his gun on her, and she shot him before he got the chance to put his finger on the trigger. He gave a cry and fell to the floor. She kept running, the office door ten feet away. Five. Two. One.

She tried the door handle. Locked. She hit her fist on the door then turned and shook her head at Dez. They needed to get in that room. Just like they needed to call for more backup. No one was going to get out alive if they didn’t get more firepower on their side. They were outmanned and definitely outgunned.

Dez came up alongside her then pushed her away from the door. He gave the handle a kick. Nothing. Another kick, and another. On the fourth, it gave way and the door opened. Empty. Sherri entered and secured the area then nodded to Dez. He stayed in the doorway and watched for any intruders on their temporary hideout.

Sherri pressed her earpiece, trying to make sense out of the shouting and garbled nonsense. “Something’s blocking our communications. You know what that means.”

“No one’s coming.” Dez grimaced and muttered a curse word under his breath. He glanced around the office and pointed to an old rotary phone. “See if that works.”

She picked up the phone and checked for a dial tone. She gave a short nod and dialed 911. After giving the address and a brief summary of events to the operator, she could feel her heart starting to slow down to a normal beat. She thanked the dispatcher and hung up the phone. “They already sent backup. Someone must have gotten word out before we lost communication.”

“Good.” Dez kept his gaze out on the warehouse floor, where movement seemed to have ceased. So had the gunfire. “Sounds like they’ve given up. Or left.”

“Or they’re pausing to reload.”

Dez turned back, a grin splitting his face. “Always the optimist.”

The sound of sirens in the background sent a wave of relief through Sherri. The cavalry was here to save them. She joined Dez at the doorway, gun ready just in case. “We should see who’s hurt.”

“Feels like Fallujah all over again. I left the Corps to get away from this. That’s what I don’t miss about the military.” He led the way back to the warehouse floor and bent down to check on a fallen woman, one of the DEA agents. He shook his head at Sherri.

She bit her lip as she leaned down and closed the woman’s eyes. It was the one she’d just been joking with about being a female in a predominantly male office. They had laughed about it only an hour ago, and now she was dead and Sherri couldn’t even remember the woman’s name. And that seemed to hurt more.

She straightened and felt a little woozy. She shook her head, trying to clear it, and followed Dez to where more bodies lay on the floor. He took the right side of the room while she took the left. Two dead agents and five drug runners. Plus another agent and seven more bad guys wounded.

The warehouse doors opened, and four uniformed police officers swarmed inside. Dez and Sherri holstered their weapons and held up their IDs. “Border Patrol.”

One of the officers approached them and nodded. He surveyed the room. “What happened in here?”

Dez put his ID back into the pocket of his jeans. “Drug raid gone bad. I assume we have some ambulances on their way here, too.”

The officer nodded. “Call came in about gunshots fired. Protocol says we get an ambo just in case.” He looked Dez and Sherri up and down. “You two hurt?”

Sherri shook her head, which seemed to be buzzing. Probably the adrenaline. “We were the lucky ones.”

The officer frowned and glanced at Sherri’s side. “Are you sure about that?”

Sherri looked at her right side and gasped. A bullet had shredded the body armor, and a dark red stain seeped through her white blouse underneath. She put her hand over the area and found it wet. She looked over at Dez. “Did I get shot?”

Dez removed her bulletproof vest and whistled. “I’d say so, Ace.” He put his arm around her. “I think we need to find a paramedic.”

Sherri nodded, but it felt as if it wasn’t her head that moved. Just as it wasn’t her body that had been pierced by a bullet. She felt nothing. Shouldn’t she feel something? She opened her mouth to say something to Dez, but blackness enveloped her.

* * *

BEFORE SHERRI COULD hit the floor, Dez scooped her up in his arms as easily as if she was a rag doll. He pushed past the officer and walked out the door of the warehouse. Too much like Fallujah. An ambulance with lights flashing waited outside in the parking lot of the warehouse. “I’ve got an agent down here.”

A paramedic rushed to him with her medical bag. “How long has she been unconscious?”

“Not even a minute.” He kneeled so that he could lay Sherri on the pavement. This was all his fault. He’d jumped at the chance to be a part of the raid and had dragged her along with him. Not that she’d protested. He had a suspicion she would have volunteered them if he hadn’t first. But this was his fault. He muffled a curse word. “She didn’t know she was shot.”

The paramedic used scissors to cut the blouse up the side and exposed Sherri’s injury. Dez knew he should probably look away, but the angry red wound drew his gaze like a moth to flame. He winced. “Is it bad?”

The paramedic shifted Sherri’s body, examining it, and shook her head. “Looks like it went through but we’ll take her to the hospital to be sure. She’s losing a lot of blood, though.” She glanced at him. “Do you know what blood type she is, by chance?”

He shook his head. He knew enough about Sherri since they’d been partners for the last four years. He knew how she liked her coffee, what she’d wear to work and how she wrinkled her nose when she laughed, but he didn’t know that important detail. “Sorry.”

“They’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.” The paramedic glanced behind her at her partner. “Mark, get the stretcher. We’re taking her in.”

Dez grasped Sherri’s hand, which lay slack in his. “I’m going with you.”

The paramedic glanced at him then gave a short nod. “You sure they don’t need you here anymore?”

“They’ll know where to find me. She needs me more.” Because there was no way he was going to leave Sherri’s side now. He let go of her hand as the paramedics strapped Sherri onto the board then carried her to the ambulance. He ran behind them and jumped into the back, crouched next to Sherri as the driver slammed the doors shut, and then they were off in a flurry of lights and sirens.

Dez pushed Sherri’s long hair out of her face. “She has to be okay.”

“Is there anyone you can call? Her family?”

He nodded and removed his cell phone from the interior pocket of his jacket. He had her mom’s number programmed in case of emergency, and there was no bigger emergency than this. He scanned through the names on his contact list then pressed Perla’s name.

A hand reached out and touched his arm. He looked up to find Sherri watching him and shaking her head. “Don’t call her.”

“You’re hurt. She needs to know.”

“I don’t want her to worry.” She shifted on the board and winced. “I’ll call her later.”

“Sorry, Ace, but this is out of your hands.” He pressed the name and waited while the phone rang despite Sherri’s protests. When her mom answered the other end, he gave her brief details about what had happened. “They’re taking us to...”

He glanced at the paramedic who was putting an IV into Sherri’s vein. “Detroit General.” He repeated the information to Sherri’s mom.

“How is she?” Perla asked.

Dez looked over at Sherri, who glared at him. If she didn’t have one arm being poked with a needle, he was sure she’d be giving him the finger. “I think she’s going to be just fine.”

“Tell her I love her, and we’ll be right there.”

Dez hung up and gave Sherri the message. She groaned. “Just what I don’t need. The waiting room filled with my family.” She winced as the paramedic packed more gauze around the bleeding wound. “My mom’s going to kill me. I promised her the job was a safe one.”

“It should have been. Someone tipped them off.” He put a hand on Sherri’s foot. “Just don’t die on me. I don’t want to have to get used to a new partner.”

“Ha-ha.” But she didn’t look like she was amused. Instead, her eyes were clouded with pain that also left tight lines around her mouth.

“They’ll take care of you, and you’ll be back at work in no time.” He said it mostly because he hoped it was true. He couldn’t imagine having to work without her. Couldn’t imagine living without seeing her most days. He pressed the center of his chest where there seemed to be a hot object being pushed into his skin.

The ambulance pulled into the hospital parking lot, and then the back doors were opened and people were running out to meet them. Dez stepped back as they removed Sherri from the ambulance and transferred her onto a wheeled gurney. He followed the short ER doctor as she yelled out orders to her team. “Take her to Trauma Two. And I want O neg pumped into her ASAP.” She glanced up at Dez. “Anything I need to know about my patient?”

“She’s a warrior. Don’t let her die.”

The doc gave a curt nod then ran into the ER. Dez watched her go and then dropped his head. He could stop being strong for a moment.

* * *

SHERRI WATCHED AS a team of nurses and interns buzzed around her, asking questions, removing bloody gauze, hooking her up to an IV bag, probing the wound. That last one made her sit up and shout. “Are you trying to kill me?”

The ER doctor entered the room and moved people away so that she could see the wound. Sherri looked down at the blood and swallowed back the acidic taste in her mouth. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, willing herself not to pass out despite the ringing in her ears. “Is it bad?”

“I’ve seen worse.” The doctor irrigated the wound with saline from a syringe then felt around the area with her fingertips. “Good news is that the bullet passed through, so I think you just need a few dozen stitches. My concern is the loss of blood.” She probed an area above the wound and frowned. Spread her fingers out farther. “How long have you noticed this lump here, Ms. Lopez?”