Pushing The Limits

“So this is where you got to.”

She finished her forward slicing kick and dropped back into ready position before turning to look at the shadowy doorway. Hemi.

“I can only do parties for so long,” she said.

“Me, too.” He stepped into the light.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I have to attend a lot of them because of my job but I haven’t shut one down in years. You practice tae kwon do?”

She nodded.

“Mind if I join you for a little sparring?” he asked.

Sparring...

“Sure. I’m a third-degree black belt.”

“Fourth,” he said with a cocky grin. He toed off his dress shoes and tugged at his tie as he walked toward the locker room.

She put her head down, focusing on getting back to her center. Hemi rattled her. She’d come here...who the hell knew why she was in the gym tonight. What she’d thought she wanted to find had eluded her until he’d walked in.

She knew part of her was still grieving. Losing Alexi had been like losing a chunk of her soul. Her parents had said to give herself time. But how much? A part of her would always feel the emptiness of a world without him. But that was her old self. The woman who had found exhilaration in the next new adventure. Her father suspected she’d lost her courage, but her mother feared she’d lost her heart and soul.

Why, then, was she getting that old tingle from being around Hemi? He wasn’t doing anything overt...well, he had tracked her down and now he wanted to spar with her.

Was it sex?

Wouldn’t it be convenient if this feeling was just lust? Maybe she could have a fling with him. Strictly speaking, it wasn’t against the rules, though a part of her did feel like her judgment would be compromised slightly if they slept together. But it might be too late—he was already different from just any student in her mind. He had those big muscly arms and that laugh. She couldn’t forget that laugh.

She heard him reenter and he gave her a salute as he started jogging around the gym, loosening up the same way she had.

The last time she’d been alone with a man like this, she’d been with Alexi. The realization hit her hard. He was gone. She wanted to leave.

She turned and was halfway to the door when Hemi caught her wrist and drew her to a stop.

“I didn’t peg you as someone who would run,” he said.

She wasn’t. She never had been. There wasn’t a challenge Mother Nature could throw at her that would make her flinch, but this...being one-on-one with a man—a man like Hemi—it was too much tonight.

She was here to rebuild, not to start something...anything...physical with a man—a trainee.

“I’m not running,” she said at last, lifting her head to look into those dark brown eyes of his. They were fathomless. He revealed nothing in his gaze. His hold on her was light.

“Is it me?” he asked.

“A little,” she admitted. “You are coming on strong, but it’s more me. I’m just not sure that this is a good idea.”

“Are you sure it’s a bad idea?” he asked.

There was something light about Hemi. Something that drew her tired soul, and she knew that she wanted him to convince her to stay. So why the hell was she trying to leave?

“One match,” she said. “Then I go.”

“I think we should make a wager,” he said.

“Do you think you can beat me?” She was known for her skills and for her sheer ability to best any challenge put in front of her.

“Yup. So if I win...you give me that kiss you ran from earlier,” he said.

“What kiss? We were dancing,” she protested, but she was already assessing him. His strength and size would be her biggest obstacle. Not insurmountable, but still a challenge.

“The one I was planning to steal when the song ended,” he said. “What do you want if you win?”

“When I win... I’ll leave and you’ll stop pursuing me. Deal?”

“Deal,” he said, dropping her hand and then moving a few feet away and bowing to her.

“Ready?”

* * *

DODGING KICKS AND blocking punches was exactly what he needed. He’d been feeling edgy as he looked around the ballroom earlier. He knew he was one of the top contenders to be named to the inaugural Cronus crew in the next phase, but he also saw the talent there and knew that it wasn’t guaranteed. He was going to have to work hard and concentrate.

That didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the ride. His parents had never been much on instant gratification. When someone wanted something, they worked hard, earned it and the family celebrated. It was a lesson that had stood Hemi well all his life.

He didn’t pull his punches because he could tell that Jessie wasn’t. And it was exactly what he needed. She didn’t have strength on her side; physically he had to be at least twice her size, and he worked out constantly to ensure his body was in peak condition. But she was quick and smart.

She had the best reflexes he’d encountered in a sparring partner in a long time.

She clipped him in the jaw with a front snap kick and dropped to ready position as soon as she’d made contact.

“Sorry.” She grinned, knowing she’d bested him. “I thought you’d see that one coming.”

He rubbed his jaw and shook his head ruefully. “I was distracted.”

“By what?”

Her. But that was just hormones...or was it? “I was thinking that I could see why you’re so good at surviving.”

“You can?”

“Yes. You think fast and are constantly assessing the situation.”

She nodded. “That’s one of the most important lessons. I’ll be talking to your group about that on Monday.”

“What could be more important than that?” he asked, watching as she carefully controlled her breathing.

“Not dying,” she said.

He laughed.

“It’s not funny.”

“I know. It’s just that Mom used to yell that after us when we’d go off together on our bikes... ‘Don’t do anything that will get you killed.’ We were always doing something...stupid, as Mom said.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess it did. It was hit or miss a couple of times.”

“Really? I’d have guessed your brothers would always have been trying to keep you safe.”

“Sometimes. But I was the baby of our family so they also used to push me. Ace said that’s one of the reasons I can take a lot of ribbing from the others on the team. I’m used to it.”

And he was. Usually nothing fazed him. He rolled with anything NASA or the trainers or doctors threw at him. But he was feeling...different from his usual attitude. The cosmos still awed him. There was so much out there they simply didn’t understand yet. He was a mission specialist with a focus on celestial bodies. Since the beginning of his military career he’d been pursuing a degree in the space-related field of radio spectrometry. His part of the Cronus mission would be to identify the matter that made up the new places they encountered.

“You’re looking scary there, Thor.”

He shook his head. “Have you ever done anything because it scared you? To prove that you could?”

She gave him a smile that lit up her face. Until that moment he hadn’t realized the other ones weren’t genuine. This one was.

“Everything I do is for that reason.”

He shook his head. “But you seem—”

“Brave, brazen, fearless?”

“Yeah.”

“How many times have those same words been applied to you?” she asked.

“Many. They also tend to add in foolish and devastatingly handsome,” he said, because this moment was too heavy. He didn’t want to admit to anything real. But he was committed to the truth. Only this time he wanted to dodge it.

She was his trainer; he wanted to seem like the only one who was overqualified for the mission. Not someone who doubted himself.

“I bet they do,” she said. “Well, it’s time for me to hit the showers. Thanks for sparring with me.”

“We aren’t done,” he said.

“Sadly we are. I beat you, Thor. So this is where I leave you.”

She had beaten him. “Rematch?”

“Not tonight,” she said.

It was then that he noticed the sadness that clung to her. She had hidden it well at the party. In her icy blond looks, most men—himself included—would just see the beauty. Not the woman beneath it.

Maybe it was the gi and the fact that she looked tired with her hair falling out of its elegant twist. But he saw that there was something she was running from. Maybe she needed a friend more than a lothario.

“You okay?”

She wrinkled her brow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged, then went to the water cooler and filled two paper cones. “You look...”

Sad? He knew he couldn’t say that to her. He wasn’t dumb when it came to women; he’d watched his parents interact most of his life. They were the strongest couple he knew.

“Like...?” she asked.

“Like you need a friend. Like maybe you want to talk.”

She seemed startled by that. And inside he smiled. He didn’t want to be predictable, and he realized that he had been until that moment.

“Sorry about earlier. It’s just that you’re drop-dead gorgeous and for a moment I reacted like a guy and not the gentleman I was raised to be.”

She shook her head. “You are smooth, Hemi. I’ll give you that.”

She called him by his name when she was being real with him. When she wanted distance she used his call sign. Interesting.

“So, want to talk?”

“Not really,” she said. “I’m just...”

She took the cone of water from him, downed it and then crumpled the paper in her hands before meeting his gaze again. Her gaze was direct and he thought for a moment that she could see clean into his soul. What did she see in there? He’d been ignoring that part of himself for a while now. Concentrating on working out, doing everything he could to be physically ready for the fight for a spot in Cronus. But he wasn’t spiritually ready.

“Can you keep this between us?” she asked.

“Who would I mention it to?” he countered. “I’m not a gossiper.”

“I mean...can this just be us, not trainer and trainee?”

He nodded. “I’ve got your back. Always, Jessie.”

She looked over at him. “You surprised me again.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. Most people don’t think I need someone at my back. They see me on television venturing to extreme places, and think I’m the ultimate loner,” she said. “Most don’t realize that I have a team climbing with me.”

“Honestly, there is something lonely about you, which is how I knew that you needed someone at your back.”

* * *

JESSIE HAD HER first inkling that this was a bad idea as she followed Hemi out of the gym and down the trail to the lake. He intrigued her. He was big and brash but underneath that muscled exterior beat the heart of a man who knew how to listen. A man who, despite his self-aggrandizing ways, was more than just ego.

She liked him.

That was why this was a bad idea.

The sex thing she could handle. Lust was just a physical reaction to someone. She wanted him, and if they fell into bed together it would be a physical thing. But if she liked him and lusted after him...she wasn’t ready for that.

The Bar T Ranch consisted of a sprawling house, barns and two bunkhouses. A good five-minute walk away were the new buildings that housed the Cronus candidates and some of the instructors. Candidate housing was in a series of four converted bunkhouses built around a courtyard. Everyone had their own small one-bedroom apartment with a living area and bathroom, and everyone shared a large kitchen. The apartments weren’t too bad, but Jessie felt lucky that she’d been given a separate cottage.

All of this did nothing to distract her from Hemi. She should turn around and go to her cottage.

Should.

But she wasn’t going to.

It had been a long time since someone new had come into her life and intrigued her the way Hemi had.

“You’re awfully quiet,” he said.

“Just assessing your trail skills.”

Yeah, like he was going to believe that.

“How am I doing?”

“Good,” she said. “I noticed you keep to the center of the path, which is good—doesn’t leave any trail to be followed.”

“Learned that playing hide and seek with my brothers,” he said. “The spot I was thinking of is right up here.”

They’d both changed out of their gi into NASA Cronus mission sweatshirts and exercise pants. And she’d put on a pair of well-worn hiking shoes that she’d stored in her locker a few days earlier. The shoes were very different from the ones purchased new for her Everest climb. The one she’d been on when Alexi’s strength had failed him and her skills hadn’t been up to the challenge of saving him.

She sighed.

“Here we are,” Hemi said, reaching back and holding out his hand to her. “It’s a little tricky to navigate in the dark.”

She put her hand in his. She’d learned a long time ago to take assistance in new terrain. Though she’d been out here with Ace a few days ago, she still didn’t know the land as well as she’d like. But she would. Terrain was her area of expertise. A lot of the training she’d be doing with the astronaut candidates would be in temperature-controlled rooms, but she also had a few excursions planned for them. Surprises that she’d tailor to meet the strengths and weaknesses of the candidates. They needed to be able to react to any situation.

The lake was big enough to supply water for the ranch and the neighboring city of Cole’s Hill, and a rough path along the edge joined the main ranch buildings and the Cronus facility. A motion sensor lamp flicked on as they stepped onto the wooden dock that pushed out into the water.

“Here we go,” he said, drawing her toward two Adirondack chairs positioned side by side on the dock. She stood there with the breeze on her face and the sound of the water in her ears. She could see the moon’s reflection in the ripples as they sat. He smelled of a crisp, expensive aftershave and something masculine, a musk that she was sure was all his own. Something she’d remember long after this job was over and he was gone.

Her father had taught her to classify everything. Touch, scent, sight. She used all of those things to survive.

“The first time I came out here... I was surprised at how noisy it was. I expected it to be quiet—and it is quieter than the city, but not silent.”

She smiled over at him. “City boy?”

“Born and bred. I’m at home in the water because I grew up in California, and there isn’t a mountain trail I can’t climb, but this...this feels foreign. The cows, the insects. Everything is different here.”

“I know what you mean. Most of my childhood was spent on my parents’ research yacht or on the island that we called home. I’m good at identifying poisonous insects and avoiding spiky plants that are lethal, but this is different.”

He stretched his arm out behind her on the back of her Adirondack chair. He wasn’t quite touching her shoulder but she felt his body heat on this cool September evening.

“What scares you, Jessie?”

It was an oddly probing question from someone she’d just met, but considering that she needed to know his fears, she was tempted to answer. Her job for the Cronus missions was to find weaknesses and exploit them to see how far the candidates could be pushed until they broke. And making this about her job made it easier for her. It had been a long ten months since Alexi’s death and she wanted to pretend she’d healed, but she hadn’t. She knew it by the way she was simultaneously drawn to Hemi and driven to hide from him.

“A situation that I can’t control,” she said. “I know that control is an illusion but I have techniques for dealing with most of them. Still, there are a few things that elude me.”

“Like what?”

“People.”

“People?”

“Yes, you can’t rely on them,” she said. “No one really knows how they will react until they are forced into challenging circumstances. I’ve been in more extreme places than most and there are still times when I’m not sure what someone will do next.”

“Like what?” he asked again.

“Like this,” she said, tired of resisting herself and needing to see exactly what Hemi was after. She leaned over and kissed him.

His lips were firm and his breath minty fresh. She felt the dart of his tongue rub over her lips before it pulled back. She tilted her head, deepening the kiss as excitement flowed through her. It had been a long time since she’d experienced this. She felt alive.

She’d been running from him since he’d come up to her at the party. Because he’d immediately made her feel again.

It wasn’t deep—hell, how could it be? They’d just met. But it was something and she wasn’t ready for it. She had to find a moment to breathe.

Breaking the kiss, she took off her shoes before standing up. She looked at him. He watched her silently with those big, dark eyes of his. They were immeasurably deep, like the sea over the Mariana Trench. And that was okay. He wasn’t anything to her but a man.

She pulled off her Cronus sweatshirt and pants, leaving her standing in her underwear and bra, before she turned and dove into the lake. The water surrounded her and she found the peace she was never going to find on the land.

3

HEMI WATCHED THE moonlight reflecting first off the lake, then off the woman who was swimming in it. She’d been breathtaking in just her underwear. She was complex, and nothing had helped him understand her better. He had pushed a little too hard because that was his personality. He lived right at the edge, always testing the boundaries to get where he needed to go, and he wasn’t about to stop now.

He stripped down to his boxers and jumped into the water after her. It was cold at first, making goose bumps spread over his body. The water was refreshingly brisk, but his body adjusted to it as he swam. Jessie stayed just out of reach, diving under the surface and swimming, finally surfacing and treading water a few feet from him. He trod water next to her for a moment and then shifted to float on his back.

It reminded him of his space walks. How he’d floated there, outside the International Space Station, looking for something in the inky darkness of the cosmos that he couldn’t find. Still hadn’t found.

He stared up at the constellations, naming them all in his head, identifying the stars and acknowledging to himself that he still didn’t know what it was he reached for. Why he was never close to finding it.

“What’s your fear, Hemi? What is it that makes you keep going, after your near miss?” she asked.

He shrugged. He didn’t mind asking for her darkest secrets but sharing his own was something else. How could he put into words the emptiness that had been inside him for so long? That would make him seem weak, and he was Thor, mighty, unvanquished, or at least that was how his astronaut brothers and sisters saw him.

“Hemi?” she asked again, her voice hypnotic. As he had always imagined the call of the sirens that led sailors astray.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I keep going up into space and trying to beat records. I train and look for new missions that challenge me and force me to do things others haven’t achieved but there is still—” He turned his head and looked over at her. She continued to tread water next to him.

Her long blond hair looked dark plastered against her skull. Some tendrils clung to her bare shoulders, one looping over the strap of her bra. The thin flesh-colored fabric was transparent now that it was wet and he noticed that her nipples were hard. He was trying to be cool and not focus on the fact that she was nearly naked and less than an arm’s length away from him.

He struggled to continue their conversation rather than swim closer to pull her into his arms. He wanted to feel their limbs entwined and the warmth of her body against his.

“What?” she asked.

“Something empty inside,” he said at last. Damn, he’d meant to keep that to himself, but there it was. The ugly truth he hid from the world—and sometimes from himself. “I don’t know what it will take to fill it.”

He’d probably have been smarter not to admit this to an instructor who would be evaluating him.

“That’s what makes you dare,” she said at last, flipping her body to float on her back next to him, her arms spread wide at her sides. “I have the same emptiness inside of me.”

“You do?” he asked, his voice deeper and huskier. Somehow, her admission turned him on even more than he already was. She was blunt at times and that honesty of hers was a powerful aphrodisiac. Her hair floated around her head and he couldn’t help glancing again at nipples, which were still visible though the cotton of her bra, and looking even harder.

He reached for her, water droplets cascading off his skin, but at the last second he let his arm drop. She was talking to him. Sharing with him as a friend. He couldn’t turn this sexual.

But his raging hard-on was making it difficult for him to pay attention to anything other than how she looked.

Maybe she was a siren.

That would explain the spell she had cast over him.

“Everyone does. Most try to ignore it with routines and by filling their lives with stuff, but some people can’t ignore it.”

“Like whatever made you sad earlier?”

She went still, her hands no longer sculling the water.

“Yes. Like that.”

“What was it?”

“My climbing partner and fiancé, Alexi. He wanted things...that even he was afraid to admit.”

“Like you? Are you afraid to admit what you want?” Hemi asked. Again, so much easier to turn the spotlight on her.

“Like me,” she admitted. “Which is why I’m here trying to teach you and the other candidates all I know about surviving in hostile environments. Maybe that is what I need to finally feel some peace.”

“I hope it works for you,” he said.

“You do?” she asked.

“Yes. I like you, Jessie. I want you to be happy.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know, right? But there it is. When you left the party I was like...well, a typical guy and I thought screw it. If Jessie doesn’t want me then I don’t want her.”

She drifted, putting a few feet between them, then cupped her hand on the surface. He had a second to recognize what she was doing before she pushed her hand through the water and a huge splash hit him in the face.

“Screw you, too, Thor,” she said, but there was a hint of laughter in her voice.

When he brushed the droplets from his face and looked around for her, she was gone.

The water was still except for the ripples caused by the breeze, and he floated on his back to give his legs a rest. He waited. No matter how at home she felt in the water, sooner or later she’d have to come up for air.

She did—behind him. He heard her surface a second before she once again arched a powerful spray of water at him.

He rolled over and used his water polo experience to do an American crawl toward her. Keeping his head above the surface, he saw the shock in her eyes as he approached. God, he wanted her.

He’d known it earlier.

Hell, he hadn’t followed her out of the party and to the gym and then taken her to the lake to cement a friendship. The desire that rocked through him was hot and hard. It made everything else fade away.

He stopped just as their bodies met, put his arm around her waist and used his legs to keep them above the water. Her arms snaked around his neck and her nearly naked breasts pressed against his chest.

His heart beat so loudly he was sure she could hear it, and his blood flowed heavily in his veins.

Her nipples were hard, poking into his chest. He tightened his grip, holding her to him as he looked into her eyes. They weren’t lost or lonely right now, and if he had one goal it was to make her forget whatever her pain was.

“You got me, Hemi,” she said, rubbing her fingers over his light stubble and then higher, tracing the birthmark around his eye.

She made him proud of the mark, though there were times growing up when he’d wished he didn’t have it.