His Texas Baby

“I rarely talk about it to anyone.”

Her expression solemn, she asked, “So the accident is why you never planned to have a family again?”

“My family was taken from me. I knew I couldn’t replace them.” He shrugged even though he was feeling anything but casual. “Felicia was one of a kind. She understood me and I understood her. We always got along without a hitch and the baby was a dream come true for the both of us. Once they were gone there was nothing left in my life but an empty hole. And I’ve never seen any way to fill it.”

“I see,” she murmured stiffly.

Did she? Most of the time, Liam had difficulty understanding his own feelings about the situation so he doubted she could grasp the state of his heart. But whether she appreciated how that part of his past had affected him didn’t really matter now. This was a new baby. And even though he’d not planned on it, his life was about to change.

“That probably sounds hard to you. If it does, I’m sorry. I’m not really a hard man, Kitty.”

A faint smile touched her lips and Liam was surprised at how much he would like to kiss her, to have that soft sweetness against his mouth, feel her warm breath caress his cheek.

“I’ve not ever thought that about you, Liam. Driven maybe. But not hard.”

He took another sip of his drink and realized the cocktail wasn’t nearly strong enough to slow the whirling thoughts in his head. Normally he was a cool, calculating man, his mind razor sharp. But Kitty and news of the baby had melted the ice water in his veins. Damn it. Right now he was feeling too much. Thinking too much.

“My work is what keeps me going,” he admitted. “Ever since I lost Felicia and the baby I’ve made horses and racing my whole life.”

“Well, you’re definitely making a name for yourself. For the past few years you’ve made plenty of owners and trainers bow down to you.”

He chuckled at her choice of words. “Bow? I didn’t know anyone had ever seen me wearing my crown, I always make a point to leave it locked in the vault at home.”

The smile fighting its way across her face warmed him.

“You hardly need to wear a crown, Liam. Everyone around the West Coast tracks think you’re royalty.”

“Only the West Coast?”

That made her laugh and he realized it was the first joyous sound he’d heard her make today. He also realized how good her laughter made him feel.

“I don’t know why anyone would have that idea about me,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve never won a training title at any track in this area. Up until this year I’ve never brought that many horses to California to even vie for one.”

“No. But you have a high win percentage with the amount you do bring,” she pointed out.

The waiter arrived with their salads and once they were alone again, she wasted no time in drenching the pile of greens with black pepper and forking up a piece of romaine lettuce.

Following her example, he dug into his own salad and swallowed several bites before he spoke again. “I’ve brought some of my best out here this spring. I’m hoping to show some of the big owners and trainers that the Diamond D stables can compete on any level.”

She sighed. “I’m hoping just to measure up to Dad’s standards. And that isn’t going to be easy.”

“Nothing about this business is easy.” He settled a soft gaze on her face. “But you shouldn’t worry, Kitty. You’ll do your father proud.”

Kitty looked at him and was suddenly horrified to feel tears glazing her eyes. All day long she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t become emotional tonight while she sat across the dinner table from Liam. But that promise had been impossible to keep. When he spoke of her father it ripped her heart. And when he’d talked about losing his wife and baby, she’d felt deep down hurt. For him and for herself. It was clear to her that he was still suffering and that meant he wasn’t ready to love again. Not her or any woman. Oh, God, why did that crush her so? Why couldn’t she look at him, be near him and feel nothing more than mild affection?

“Well, I’m going to do everything in my power to make him proud,” she said huskily. And to hold on to what was rightfully hers, she could have added. But tonight wasn’t the time to tell Liam about the edict her father had left in his will. Tonight was about the baby and how the two of them were going to deal with becoming parents.

A faint smile touched his lips and Kitty felt her heart flutter like a young girl experiencing her first crush. It was crazy to be reacting to this man in such a way, yet at the same time it was exhilarating. And she suddenly realized that Liam had done something she’d thought impossible. He’d broken through the numbness of her grief and made her feel again, want to live again.

“I have no doubts about that,” he said. “The first time I ever met your father, you were trailing alongside him. I’m sure during all those years you’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge.”

She certainly had, Kitty thought dourly. She’d learned firsthand knowledge about controlling men and fractious horses. Neither of which she’d learned how to handle entirely.

“I tried,” was all she allowed herself to say.

He ate several bites of salad then said, “So tell me about your health. Are you feeling well? And the baby?”

Glad that he’d given her a couple of easy questions, she nodded. “I had a few bouts of nausea in my second and third month. But that’s past. So far I’m doing fine. And the baby appears to be healthy and growing.”

He looked visibly relieved and she could only wonder what the news of this baby had done to him. Brought up memories too painful to bear? Or was he seeing this child as a second chance for him to be a father? If they were a true couple she wouldn’t be wondering about those things, she would already know. But Kitty doubted they would ever be that close. Close enough for her to see into his heart. The notion saddened her. She’d always wanted to be important to this man and now that she was having his child that need had only intensified.

“I’m glad. Let’s pray everything stays that way,” he said then asked, “When are you due to give birth?”

Yes, he would be praying, she thought. She could already see that he wanted this child and since he’d already lost one baby, he probably wouldn’t relax until this one had safely arrived. And no doubt the loss of that earlier child would only make him want to cling to this one even more.

It terrified her to think he might eventually want to yank their child from her arms and carry it back to his home in New Mexico. As Clayton had hinted, Liam could be ruthless toward his staff if he believed they were neglecting their duties. She didn’t want that merciless determination directed at her or their child. But so far tonight, she’d not picked up on any sign of that, thank God. Because she had no intention of giving up her rights as a mother.

“The first week of July or somewhere near then,” she answered then sighed with resignation. The American Oaks would be running almost at the same time. It was the race that would determine the very fate of her career. She had to win, or at the very least place in the top three. Otherwise, she was in danger of losing everything.

“That’s right in the heart of racing season.”

“You don’t have to remind me. I have Black Dahlia’s nomination fee for the Oaks already paid. I’ll probably go into labor when the bugler calls for post time,” she said with wry humor. “But we’ll see. Whatever happens, Clayton is a very good assistant. I can trust him to handle things while I’m in the hospital.”

She could feel his gaze sliding keenly over her face and she fought the urge to shift uncomfortably in her chair.

“And afterward?” he asked. “What do you plan to do then?”

She tried to swallow another bite of salad but her throat seemed to clamp around the chewed food. “I’ll go home to Desert End for a couple of weeks to recuperate and then I’ll head back to the track with baby and a nanny in tow.”

His face showed little to no expression as he looked at her. “So you don’t plan on quitting your job as a trainer.”

She did her best not to bristle. The man had to ask questions. He couldn’t read her mind in order to know her plans for the future. Still, his remark was a bit sexist and if anyone else but him had asked it, she wouldn’t waste her breath giving them an answer.

“Not hardly. Do you?”

As she watched a deep red blush crawl up his throat, she could see he was annoyed, embarrassed or both.

“Sorry. That wasn’t a good question to ask.”

“Think about it, Liam. I can be a mother and a trainer at the same time. Just like, I hope, you can be a father and a trainer at the same time.” She leaned earnestly forward. “I hardly intend to shove my baby aside and let someone else do the hands-on care. I intend to love and nurture it just as any mother would do. But no matter which one of us is physically caring for the child, we’ll have to have a nanny’s help.”

He reached for his water glass. “I understand that. I—Well, clearly you weren’t expecting a child to enter your life at this stage and neither was I. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want the best for this baby.”

She nodded. “I totally agree.”

“What about Will—did he know about the baby before he died?”

Regret settled on Kitty’s shoulders and she looked at her half-eaten salad rather than meet his probing gaze. “No. A few weeks before his death I wasn’t feeling well. But my cycles have always been irregular, so pregnancy never really crossed my mind. I thought I had some sort of stomach issue caused by stress. By the time I saw the doctor Dad had the heart attack and then it was too late.”

“Hmm. I wonder what he would have thought about the baby.”

She rubbed fingers against the tiny throb behind her forehead. Her father had adored Liam. No doubt he would have been thrilled about the baby. “I think about that a lot, Liam. And you can’t imagine how much I wished he’d known. He—Well, he might have been disappointed that I was bearing a child out of wedlock, but I feel sure he would’ve been excited to be getting a grandchild. He’d pretty much given up on Owen giving him any. And he figured if I had to choose between a man or a horse, I’d always choose the latter.”

The grimace on Liam’s face had Kitty studying him more closely and what she saw fairly took her breath. He’d always been a striking figure of a man, but it seemed as though the past year he’d become even more attractive. Maybe that was because he’d let his hair grow down on his collar, or because he sometimes avoided shaving and the dark brown stubble on his face added to his rough-hewn features. His clothes, at least at Hollywood Park, had become more casual, too. Most of the time, he was dressed in blue jeans, boots and a Levi’s jacket.

Liam Donovan might be considered royalty, but he wasn’t one of those trainers that went around in a suit and tie with every hair in place and did all of his work over the phone. No, he was a hands-on type of guy who wasn’t afraid to get dirty and often did.

“I don’t expect he would have been very proud of me,” he said with a measure of self-contempt. “He was a mentor and I feel as though I let him down.”

His remark had her looking at him with dismay. “You let him down? How do you think I feel? He was my father. I did let him down. In more ways than one.”

He didn’t press her to explain that comment and Kitty was glad. She didn’t want to explain how she’d let her father down by refusing to marry Steve Bowers or how she’d embarrassed him by throwing Roger Grove’s engagement ring back in his face. Over the years, her father had held his own ideas about who she should love and marry and she’d disappointed him by rebelling, by questioning his judgment. But try as she might, neither of those men had been the sort she’d envisioned spending the rest of her life with. As a result, she’d ended both relationships. It was ironic, she supposed, that the only time her father had picked out the right man for her, Liam had refused.

She’d never told Liam that she’d learned of her father’s effort to get him to date her. And she wasn’t about to reveal it to him now. It was all too humiliating. Especially now that she was carrying his child.

Trying to shove those miserable thoughts away, she looked around with relief to see the waiter arriving with their main courses. She needed to eat and escape to her hotel room where she could go to bed and hope the weariness in her body and soul would disappear, at least for a while.

After the waiter had left behind Kitty’s shrimp scampi and Liam’s stuffed crab, he said, “Will understood human nature. He didn’t expect people or his horses to be perfect.”

She picked up her fork. “Dad expected it of me.”

Disbelief appeared on his face in the form of a frown. “I never noticed that whenever I was around the two of you.”

She sighed. Willard Cartwright had been a likable guy with a warm, jovial personality. He’d made friends easily and she doubted he’d died having even one enemy. Unless she counted her mother, Francine. As Willard’s wife, she’d refused to allow him to dominate every aspect of her life and because of that they’d gone through a bitter divorce and an even nastier custody battle over Kitty. With his family members, Willard had been a different man, one who’d loved fiercely, but had also fought to be in control. Now he was still trying to control Kitty from the grave.

She said, “Families always behave differently at home than in public.”

“That’s true,” he agreed. “But I always got the impression that you adored your father.”

“I did adore him. He was wonderful to me and Owen in so many ways. But he was demanding and controlling and because of that we often clashed—sometimes very loudly.” A bittersweet smile suddenly touched her lips. “Still, he was bigger than life and I wanted to be just like him. At least, like the good parts,” she amended. “Now—well, now I just miss him like hell.”

“If I lost my father, I’d be devastated,” he said solemnly.

Kitty had met Liam’s parents, Doyle and Fiona, about two years ago at Sunland Park near El Paso. They’d had a colt running in the Sunland Derby and most of the Donovan family had traveled to West Texas to view the event. Fiona had been breathtakingly beautiful, classy and very approachable. In looks, Doyle had been an older version of Liam, but the elder Donovan had seemed to be a genuinely happy and jovial man, whereas Liam was usually serious and all business. She’d liked his parents and his family. In fact, she’d been envious of their close-knit bond.

“So how are your parents doing? Do they plan to come out to Hollywood anytime during the meet?”

“They’re doing great. And as of now they’re planning on coming for the Big Cap and maybe, later on, the Gold Cup. It depends on what’s going on with their schedule. They say they’re retired, but they’re busier now than they’ve ever been.”

Feeling suddenly pensive, she pushed the food around on her plate. “You were just wondering what my father would have thought of our situation. Now I’m wondering what your family is going to think?”

“Does it matter?”

Her gaze lifted from her plate to settle on his face. “I suppose it shouldn’t. We’re not teenagers. We’re grown adults, financially secure and settled in our careers. If we’re not capable of raising a child, then I don’t know who would be. But …” Looking away from him, she released a wistful sigh. “I’ve got to be honest, Liam. Their opinion of me does matter. After all, this will be their grandchild.”

He reached across the table and touched his fingers to hers. The simple gesture sent a wave of emotions rushing through her. She blinked and swallowed and prayed she could keep her tears in check.

“Believe me, Kitty, my parents will welcome you into the family with open arms.”

A confused frown pulled her brows together. “You mean they’ll welcome the baby with open arms,” she corrected. “He or she will be a part of the Donovan family. Not me.”

A faint smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “The baby is already a Donovan. And so will you be—just as soon as you become my wife.”

Chapter Three

The grip she had on the fork loosened and the utensil fell with a loud clatter to her plate as she stared at him in stunned fascination.

“Your wife!” she gasped. “Are you serious?”

A frown furrowed deep lines in his forehead. “You didn’t expect anything less of me, did you?”

Amazed that he was suggesting such a commitment between them, she said, “I expected you to see this whole situation in a sensible way. I didn’t think you’d have this old-fashioned view that a woman expects or wants the father of her child to marry her!”

He leaned back in his chair and fixed her with a meaningful look. “And I expected you to want to do what’s right and best for our child.”

She swallowed as questions and thoughts barreled through her mind. “And you believe that the two of us getting married is the right and best thing?” she asked, her low voice full of dismay.

“Come on, Kitty, surely it crossed your mind that I would suggest marriage.”

Actually, the idea had crossed her mind a time or two, but she’d instantly pushed it aside. Everyone knew that Liam wasn’t the marrying type. He’d even told her father as much. And he didn’t want to marry now. Not really. This was all for the child and no other reason.

“To be honest, the idea did cross my mind, but it passed too quickly to ponder. Everyone, including me, knows that you’re a confirmed bachelor.”

“Wrong. I’m a widower. A widower who’d never planned to marry again.”

She looked away from him and tried to stem the sick feeling swimming in her stomach and spreading up to her chest. Did he have any idea how that statement made her feel? He might as well have come out and bluntly stated the facts. The night they’d made love, he’d never thought about a future with her. She’d suspected it, but hadn’t wanted to admit it.

You knew that when you invited him into your bed, Kitty. Just because he’s saying it out loud and to your face doesn’t make it any more hurtful. So get over it.

“And I’m a single woman, who intends to stay that way—at least, until the baby gets a bit older.”

“Why?”

Jerking her gaze back to his face, she stared wondrously at him. “Because I …” Her voice trailed off as she tried to gather the right words, the best explanation she could possibly give without revealing too much of herself. “Okay, I’ll try to explain, Liam. When most women, including myself, dream of getting married it’s all about romance and love. Convenience or practicality doesn’t figure into things. If I can’t have the sort of marriage I want, I’d rather stay single.”

He shoved out a heavy breath as he carefully placed his fork next to his plate. Apparently, he’d lost his appetite, too, she thought sickly.

“I wish things were different, Kitty. For you and for me. But I’m fairly certain that you’re not a selfish woman. At least, I’ve never seen that side of you before. And once you think about this, you’ll realize that our baby takes priority over our own wants and needs.”

Tears were beginning to burn the back of her eyes and the hunger that had been gnawing earlier at her stomach had now completely vanished. He was right in so many ways. But that didn’t lessen the loss of her dreams and all that she’d ever hoped to have in her life. He was a practical man, not a romantic like her. He was viewing this whole issue with his head, while she was seeing it through her heart.

“I understand that we need to put the baby’s welfare first, Liam. Right now I just don’t see a marriage between us making anything better for this coming child.”

Grimacing, he reached for his cocktail glass and drained the last of its contents. “A child needs two parents,” he said as he placed the empty glass aside. “Parents who live together.”

Not like the Cartwrights, who’d divorced, then fought over their child in a cold courtroom, she thought. From the time Kitty had reached the age of six, she’d lived without a mother. Clearly, Liam was aware that her parents were divorced, but whether he knew she’d been raised solely by her father through all those tender years, she couldn’t say. She’d certainly never discussed such a personal matter with him. But for all she knew, her father could have confided in him.

“I guess you would know more about that than me. You have a big, united family,” she said quietly. “My parents divorced when I was six. And after that my mother was no longer a part of my life.”

A rueful grimace tightened his features. “I’m sorry, Kitty. Will said something to me once about his ex not being much of a mother. But I didn’t ask him to explain the remark. I don’t like people prying into my private life, so I respected your father’s privacy and kept the question to myself.”

She shook her head. “There’s not really much to explain. After my parents divorced Dad won custody of me. Francine went back to Georgia where she was from originally and began another life—without her daughter.”

He studied her face for long moments and Kitty hated the fact that tears were doing their best to form at the back of her eyes. Normally, she could speak about her mother without getting emotional. Over the years, she’d told herself it didn’t matter that her mother had practically forgotten she’d had a daughter. But being pregnant had left her soft and vulnerable, had left her wondering how any mother could simply walk away from her child.

“I see. Well, that ought to make you better understand how a child needs both parents—together,” he said finally.

Her stomach was tying itself into painful knots. “I agree that two parents in a loving home is the ideal setup for a child’s upbringing. But that’s not us. We’re friends. Who—well, just happened to have sex one night.”

She hoped she’d sounded as cool and practical as when he’d talked about never planning to marry again. Not for anything did she want him to know how besotted she was with him and had been for some time now.

He let out a long breath. “That’s true. And now we need to deal with an unexpected situation—in the best way possible.”

And the best way possible was for Kitty to marry a man who didn’t love her? Who didn’t really want to be married? The idea completely wiped away her appetite and she put down her fork, then dabbed a napkin to her lips.

“I’m sorry, Liam, I’m just not up to eating anything else. Would you mind taking me back to the hotel?”

He eyed her with open concern. “Are you feeling ill?”

“No. It’s nothing like that,” she quickly dismissed his question. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I don’t have to tell you that I have a lot to think about.”

She could see something like disappointment wash across his face, but he didn’t press her to stay and finish the meal. Instead, he said, “Of course. I’ll get the waiter to bring the check.”

Five minutes later they were back in Liam’s truck, traveling down the freeway to the hotel where she would be living during the Hollywood meet.

As he maneuvered through the heavy traffic, they didn’t speak, and as the silence between them stretched into awkward tension, Kitty felt even worse than she had at the restaurant.

“I’m sorry, Liam,” she said finally. “I’ve ruined your dinner.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I had plenty to eat.”

“I wasn’t exactly thinking about your stomach.”

The grunt he made had her glancing over at him and she was relieved to see a groove of amusement creasing his cheek. At least he wasn’t thinking she needed to be taken directly to a psychiatrist’s couch for her mood swings.

“Lately I’ve had brothers and sisters having babies right and left. Pregnancy isn’t easy for you ladies or us men.”

He should know, Kitty thought. He’d already dealt with a pregnant wife. Only he didn’t have either wife or child now, she thought sadly. And suddenly she was wondering how far along his wife had been in her pregnancy when she’d been killed. As far as Kitty was now?