Yuletide Proposal

“Did you talk to Zac about it?”

“I tried on the way home after the party. I asked why he’d accepted the job without talking to me. He was surprised that I was angry about it. He thought I’d be glad that we wouldn’t have to go into a lot of debt for our degrees.” She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and inhaled to ease the stress of those horrible moments. “He said I’d probably end up reconsidering my decision to do a doctorate anyway once we had a family.”

“Shades of male machismo.” Jaclyn’s face tightened.

“No. He wasn’t being macho. I don’t think he honestly believed I was as committed as he was.” Brianna sighed. “I was stunned by what he said. Weeks of him falling in with my mother’s suggestions and not standing up for me—I’d been having doubts about getting married and I told him so. But he apologized, convinced me that he loved me, that he only wanted what was best for us.”

“So you decided to go through with the wedding.”

“Yes. But I was furious. When I got home, I told my mother I knew she’d gone behind my back to coerce Zac into accepting that job.” Brianna tried to make her friend understand. “She knew we’d planned to get jobs in the city where we could still take night classes because I’d gone to great lengths to explain our plans to my parents. Zac and I had put months of thought into it because I’d insisted we have our game plan in place before we ever came to Hope for the wedding. She knew that plan and she deliberately ruined it.”

Jaclyn squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “Tell me the rest.”

“Eventually my mother admitted asking Zac’s mom to say she was too ill to travel for the wedding so we’d have to come here to get married. It was all part of her plan. Zac and I, we were just pawns.”

There was nothing Jaclyn could say.

“I asked her why she’d done it. Do you know what she said?” The protective barrier she’d maintained for so many years was breached as tears welled. Brianna made no attempt to stop them. “My mother claimed she’d done it to help me. She said Zac told her he was worried I’d never be able to support myself, that he felt I was holding him back. She said Zac’s mom was afraid I might derail his goal to get his PhD. My mother insisted she couldn’t stand by and watch me lose him. The way she put it, I began to believe she was right, that for Zac’s sake I needed to stay and work in the store.”

“Oh, Brianna. I wish you’d called me.”

“I wish I had, too. But I was so confused. And Mom just kept piling it on. I was a weight on Zac’s back, but she said she would rescue me. She would make me assistant manager at her store. I’d run things and she’d take a break once in a while.”

“That wouldn’t have happened. She always had to be the boss.” Jaclyn bit her lip. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s true.” Brianna swallowed. “Anyway, she said I had to prove to Zac that I didn’t need him to be responsible for me, so he wouldn’t feel I was—let’s see, ‘a chain around his neck’ was the way she put it. She said that maybe then he wouldn’t resent me.”

Jaclyn made a face. “And Zac? You did talk to him about it?”

“After my argument with my mother I called him. He said she was right, that he had been worried but he wasn’t now that he had the job. He said it was better to stay in Hope and save.” Brianna pursed her lips. “He even suggested we consider moving in with one or the other of our parents to cut costs further.”

Jaclyn groaned.

“I was reeling.” Brianna tried to smile. “All our plans were out the window. I just wanted him to reassure me. But Zac was really worried about the financial aspect of both of us returning to school. He even said he was glad I was willing to do my share. As if I was some kind of leech!”

“He was probably just nervous. Zac was never great with words,” Jaclyn reminded.

“He repeated over and over that he was glad I’d finally be working,” Brianna sputtered. “And he kept babbling about getting his PhD as soon as possible. He sounded as if he thought I’d ask him to give up his dream.”

“He used to bore us to tears with that PhD dream sometimes, didn’t he? But I’m sure he loved you,” Jaclyn consoled.

“Well, I wasn’t so sure. And the more my mother talked to me, the less sure I became. She played me like a fiddle, Jaclyn.” Brianna sighed. “I finally decided she was right, that I was holding back the man I loved and that I needed to give up my own dream to help Zac. So I agreed to work in her store.”

Jaclyn frowned. “But you didn’t stay, Brianna. You left.”

“Yes.” Brianna couldn’t stop her tears. A bitter smile rose from the cauldron of bitterness simmering inside. “Zac phoned me the next morning to tell me of my mother’s suggestion that we cut our honeymoon short so I could start work early, as thanks for the elaborate wedding that I never wanted.”

Jaclyn’s face expressed her disgust.

“I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of that. He sounded hurt. He was only trying to help make it easier for me, he said. It would be a sacrifice but sometimes sacrifices were necessary. I told him I felt I was making all the sacrifices and he said that he was sacrificing, too, by having to put off his doctorate. We argued a bit, made up and I hung up. Then my mother appeared with a list she’d made of my future duties and responsibilities at the store and a contract.”

“A contract?” Jaclyn lifted one eyebrow.

“She said I’d need to sign a contract for five years to make sure she wasn’t left high and dry if I changed my mind. Five years!” Brianna straightened her shoulders. “I knew then how it would be, how she’d grind me down until I gave up my plan to become a child psychologist. And I knew Zac wouldn’t be strong enough to stand up to her, either. You see she was right about one thing.”

“Right how?” Jaclyn glared at her. “Explain.”

“I’d been worried for some time that I was holding Zac back. He was so much smarter, had so much to offer. I slowed him down because he spent so much time helping me, time he should have spent on his own work.” Brianna dashed away her tears. “If we’d married and I got stuck in her store, Zac would have felt compelled to stay those five years, too. I didn’t want him to lose his dream because of me.”

“That woman!” Jaclyn sputtered.

“It wasn’t just Mom.” Brianna felt the weight of it dragging her down. Wasn’t confession supposed to make her feel better? “By then Zac was completely under her spell, convinced that giving up our plans to teach in Hope was his opportunity. I was afraid Zac would eventually turn against me if I objected too much and I couldn’t stand that. I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. I thought he would be if I wasn’t there so I packed a bag and snuck away.”

“I would have helped you if I’d known.”

“I know. But then Mom would have caused problems for you.” Brianna paused. “Dad saw me leave.”

“Really?”

“When I was in the cab, I looked back and saw him standing there. He was crying.” Brianna dabbed at her wet cheeks with the tissue Jaclyn handed her. “I wrote him later that when I did get married I’d make sure he walked me down the aisle, but that didn’t happen. After Craig proposed, he insisted we marry quickly. He was sick and he wanted me to be able to stay at his house and care for Cory without any improprieties. I was afraid my mother would talk me out of it if she knew, so I married Craig with nobody there. But Craig betrayed me, too.”

“How?” Jaclyn asked, her beautiful face sad.

“Craig died three months after we married. That’s when I learned he’d known all along that he had a terminal illness.” Brianna stared through the windshield remembering the gut-wrenching dismay when she learned the truth. “He knew he didn’t have long to live, but he never told me. He pretended he was getting better. Maybe he thought I would have left if I’d known.”

Jaclyn’s hand covered hers and squeezed.

“I wouldn’t have left,” Brianna whispered. “Craig was wonderful to me in those horrible weeks after I left Hope for Chicago. He took time to help me find a place to live, helped me find a job. Cory was Craig’s pride and joy but neither he nor his first wife, Cory’s mother, had family. He had no one to help him. He adored that boy but I saw how hard it became for him to care for him. I wanted to help because I loved Cory, too.”

“But you didn’t love Craig?”

“No.” Brianna smiled, sadness filling her heart. “I wish I could have. He was a wonderful man. But there was never love between us. We were just good friends who married a few months after we met to give Cory a home. At least I thought that’s what we were. But when I learned the truth, that he knew—” Brianna bit her lip. “I might not have been so decimated if Craig had prepared me. But he never said a word and suddenly at twenty-three I was a widow and a mother, responsible for this little boy, no clue how I was going to do it and all alone. I was at my lowest when I phoned you for help.”

“I’m glad you finally did. That’s what friends are for.” She wrapped her arms around Brianna and help on tight. “I wish I could have come.”

“I know. But you sent your mother instead, and she was wonderful to me. I’ll never be able to thank her or you enough.” Brianna clung a moment longer then drew back. “Anyway, all of this was to say my dad razzed me about going to see Mom tonight.”

“You should go,” Jaclyn insisted.

“I can’t go to the nursing home again,” Brianna admitted. “Not for a while.”

“Why not?”

“Today she said I made her ashamed.” The lump in Brianna’s stomach hardened. “It hurt so much. I don’t want to live with that pain again, Jaclyn. I’m done with trying to be the obedient daughter I’m supposed to be. It didn’t work for her and it doesn’t work for me.” Briefly Brianna explained what she’d learned about her grandfather.

“I understand.” Jaclyn reached out and started the car. She shifted into gear before facing Brianna. “But you can’t go on hating her, either. You’ve got to find a way past it. And you’ve got to do the same with Zac. Didn’t you say he wanted you to work with him?”

“He’s got this idea that I can help him shake up the school.”

“About time that school had a good shake-up,” Jaclyn said, steering into the restaurant parking lot. “Couldn’t hurt your career to be at the forefront of change, either, could it?”

“No,” Brianna mumbled.

“Then?” Jaclyn lifted an eyebrow. “What’s the problem?”

“The truth?” Brianna climbed out of the car.

“Always.”

“I don’t know if I can work with Zac.” That admission wasn’t easy.

“You probably can’t,” Jaclyn agreed, walking with her to the front door. “Until you let go of your resentment of him. You were young. You both made mistakes because you didn’t trust each other. It will take some heavenly healing and help for you to start again, Bri.” She rolled her eyes. “Listen to me—the pediatrician advising the child psychologist.”

“No, the best friend advising her dim-witted school buddy. Thanks, pal.” She stopped Jaclyn before they went inside and hugged her. “Did I tell you I’m so happy you and Kent are having a baby?”

“Me, too. But I want you to be happy, too, Brianna. And you aren’t going to be until you make peace with the past. So think about it. Okay?” She waited for her friend’s nod. “And I’ll pray for you to find a way to mend things with your mom. And Zac.” Then Jaclyn tugged her inside the café where they chose their favorite Mexican food.

Brianna enjoyed the meal. But her thoughts kept straying to Zac.

Would the past interfere with working together?

When Jaclyn dropped her off at Zac’s office, she went inside only after whispering a prayer for the right words, and after reminding herself that she was doing this for Cory, not Zac.

Chapter Five

Later that night Zac rapped on Brianna’s front door, excitement zinging through him. She opened the door, her hair tousled, her feet bare, her face weary.

“We got it,” he said simply. “Your World is a go.”

Her smile dawned slowly, starting in her eyes, which glowed green in the cast of the house light. The grin moved to light up her entire face, transforming her weariness into beauty.

“Come in, Zac.” She waved him to a chair, then flopped down on the sofa across from him and tucked her long legs under her. Her eyes sparkled. “So? Tell me what happened after I left.”

“Lots of good discussion.” Zac glanced around, remembering how the expensive knickknacks in this living room had always seemed to get in the way of his gangly teenage elbows and feet. Most of them were gone now rendering the room less glamorous but immensely more homey.

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