Yuletide Proposal

“I’ll drop off whatever your mom needs on my way back to the office. Okay?” He stood waiting, looking every bit the professor his friend Kent always called him.

“But—”

“I really need to talk to you, Brianna. Today.” Clearly Zac wasn’t leaving.

Brianna decided it was best not to argue given that everyone who was still in the waiting room had probably seen or heard his arrival. Hope wasn’t a big town. She could imagine news of his visit to her office would spread like the flu that currently kept Jaclyn so busy. If the intense scrutiny the townsfolk gave her now was what Zac had to endure after she left, Brianna was amazed he’d ever returned.

Why was he back? It couldn’t be just the failing students. According to the television reports, there were failing students all over the country. Why had he chosen to return to Hope?

“Have a seat.” Zac pulled forward a small table and snapped a white tablecloth in place.

“Where did you learn to do that?” She stared as he set the table with a flourish.

“I ran out of funds before I finished my PhD so I waited tables.” He grinned. “Why do you look so surprised? As I recall, you always told me I had to get out in public more to develop my poor communication skills.”

She had, many times. But Brianna did not want to hark back to those days and be reminded of the many other things they’d said to each other, especially their promises. So she waited until he’d finished, took the seat he indicated and accepted the plate he offered.

“This is about Cory, isn’t it? I did talk to him and he still denies deliberately using drugs.”

“I know. We’ll get to that,” he promised. “For now let’s eat.”

She took a bite. Chicken salad—her favorite.

“This is really good. I’ve been to all the food places in town and I never saw this on the menu.” Brianna savored the hint of lime. “I haven’t had a decent chicken salad since I left Chicago. So where in town did you get it?”

“I made it,” Zac answered.

“You?” She stared in disbelief. “But you never cooked.” That was a stupid thing to say. In the past ten years, Zac had probably done a lot of things he never used to, just as she had.

“The cook at the restaurant where I worked couldn’t read. I taught her. She taught me how to make stuff like this.” He shrugged. “You used to eat chicken salad a lot in college. I figured you might still like it.”

“I love it.” As thoughtful as he’d always been, Brianna mused as she bit into a roll. She frowned, then held it up, looking at him with eyebrows raised. “This, too?”

“Nope. Sorry.” He shrugged. “Just not that talented.”

“Thank goodness.” She made a face. “I was beginning to feel intimidated.”

“Hardly.” He poured a cup of iced tea from a thermos he’d brought. “Nobody intimidates Brianna Benson.”

Brianna stared into Zac’s face, unsure of whether he’d meant that as sarcastically as it sounded.

“How is your mother, by the way?” he asked.

“Fine.” Brianna let his previous comment go. Zac was always sincere. If he were trying to get a dig at her, he’d do it openly. “She told me you’ve stopped to see her several times.”

“I go to the nursing home a few times a week to visit Miss Latimer. She was so good to Mom before she died that I try to repay the favor.” For a moment Zac peered into a distance as if remembering the sweet gentle mother who’d encouraged him through countless surgeries after a car accident that had killed his dad and left five-year-old Zac with multiple injuries. “How is your father?” he asked. “I haven’t seen him lately.”

“Dad’s doing better since his heart attack. He visits Mom a lot.” Brianna didn’t add that she didn’t understand why her father went so faithfully when it seemed all her mother did was carp at him.

“I’m sure he’s glad you’re back.”

“I guess. It seems weird to be living at home again, but Cory does the yardwork and I try to keep the house up. We’re managing.” She finished her salad and sipped her tea, scrounging for the courage to ask the hard questions. Finally she just blurted it out. “Why are you here, Zac?”

For a moment she thought she saw regret rush over his face. Which was silly. Granted it had been years, but she’d pushed into adulthood with Zac and grown to understand him. He was the type of man who never regretted his decisions. He thought through everything, weighed the pros and cons and made his choices only after he’d done a complete analysis. He didn’t have regrets.

So what did he want with her?

“What did you mean when you said I’d betrayed you?” Zac looked straight at her and waited for an answer. A frown line marred the perfection of his smooth forehead.

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s forget the past and deal with now.” Brianna took control of the conversation, desperate to avoid delving into the past again. “You want to find out who is giving out drugs and stop the spread of them in the school. I get that.”

“Oh, I want a lot more than that, Brianna.” Zac’s voice oozed determination. “I want the students in Hope’s schools to shake off their apathy and start using the brains God gave them. I want them to begin looking at the future with anticipation and eagerness.”

“But—” Brianna closed her lips and concentrated on listening. When Zac became this serious it was better to let him just say it.

“Do you know that less than one percent of the students graduating from Hope High School go on to college?” Zac huffed his disgust. “And no wonder. They have no interests. There’s no choir, no debate club, no science club, no language club. Everything’s been discontinued. And regular class attendance is a joke. That’s what I want to change.”

Brianna blinked at Zac’s fierce tone. “Okay, then.”

“And I want you to help me do it.”

“Me?” She could say no more because he interrupted again.

“I am not a motivator, Brianna.” Determination glittered in his eyes.

“That’s not true,” she said firmly. Zac had motivated her time after time when he’d tutored her to win a college scholarship and all through the courses that followed. You can do anything you want, he’d repeatedly insisted.

“If there were even a spark of interest, I could work with that.” He frowned at her. “But throw drugs into the mix and the challenge expands exponentially. I need a big change, something that will grab the students’ attention.”

Brianna didn’t know what to say. Zac sounded so forceful, so determined. Intrigued by this unexpected side of him, she decided to hear him out.

“I know you haven’t been here long, but think about the kids you’ve seen at the clinic.” Zac’s brown eyes narrowed. “Have you spoken with any who are excited about their future?”

“Uh, no.”

“No.” Zac’s cheeks flushed with the intensity of his words. “The world is theirs for the taking but they don’t care. They’re completly unengaged. Truthfully, so are most of their teachers. They don’t want to be, but you can only live with apathy for so long before it seeps into your attitude.” He exhaled and stared straight at her. “What we need is something to ignite interest so kids, including Cory, can get excited. That’s the only alternative I know to the pervasiveness of drugs.”

Brianna blinked. Wow. The old Zac had not been a man of words. This was the longest speech she’d ever heard him give and his passion was evident.

Of course she knew all about Zac’s teaching ability, not just from firsthand experience when he’d patiently tutored her, but she’d seen it while they’d studied for their undergrad degrees. Over and over she’d witnessed the way he’d throw himself into explaining a subject. In those days he’d never accepted her praise or seen his ability to instill interest as unique, but it was his skill as a teacher that had taught her to focus on what she wanted and channel her energy into getting it. He called her a motivator back then, too, but he’d been an encourager for her.

If only Cory could find someone like—

Zac.

In a flash of understanding Brianna realized that Zac was exactly who Cory needed to help him find his way. She’d worked hard to be both mother and father to her son, but she’d failed him somehow. Still, this wasn’t the time to stand by and let drugs or anything else ruin his chance to begin again. Brianna needed help.

But Zac?

Brianna had thought she knew what it took to raise a child properly—exactly what she’d always yearned for. Love, and lots of it. But the older her son became, the more Brianna’s doubts about her parenting ability grew. Love wasn’t breaching the growing distance between them. She was failing her own son.

Still—Zac as Cory’s mentor? He wasn’t even in the classroom anymore. Brianna spared a moment to wonder why Zac, who had teaching running through his blood, had chosen to move to administration.

“Will you help me, Brianna?” Zac’s face loomed inches from hers.

The earnest tone of his voice made her blink out of her memories.

“Uh, help you—do what exactly?” Every sensitive nerve in Brianna’s body hummed when he leaned close. In ten years she hadn’t given as much thought to their past as she had since seeing Zac the first day in his office. And she didn’t like the feelings it brought. “Look, Zac, I don’t think—”

Brianna stopped. How did you tell your ex-fiancé you didn’t think it was a good idea for you to work with him because he still made you feel things?

Her heart raced, pitter-pattering like any high-school junior’s did whenever she saw the local heartthrob. She was nervous, that’s all. After all, this man was asking a lot of her, and he’d betrayed her once.

“Listen, Brianna. Last night I learned that Eve Larsen had overdosed on drugs.” Zac tented his fingers.

“Jaclyn called me in for a consult.” She frowned. “What has that to do with Cory?”

Zac sat back, shifted, and then finally lifted his gaze to meet hers.

“Until Cory’s incident I had no idea that Hope—that the school—that we had a drug problem.”

“Maybe you don’t.”

“It’s the start of one. Hear me out, Brianna.” Zac stared at her as if she had something smeared over her face. “I’ve worked where the schools become infested with drugs. They creep in and then take over if nobody stops it. Once they’re in place, it’s desperately hard to get rid of a drug problem and loosen their grip on the student population. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“So?”

“So when Cory’s case was thrown at me, I knew I couldn’t ignore it, not when I’m responsible for the rest of the students. He’s a very smart kid, Brianna, but he needs a challenge, something that tests his current beliefs about the world. He needs to be forced to use that brain.” Zac paused, his glance holding hers. “As I understand it, so far Cory’s been involved in misdemeanors, petty stuff—minor theft, nasty pranks, breaking his curfew—the kind of things that have repeatedly sent him to juvenile court.”

“Yes.” She was ashamed to hear Zac say it.

“And before you moved here, his last act was to join a gang. Not exactly the remorse a judge is looking for, which is probably why he gave Cory until Christmas to clean up his act and threatened him with juvenile detention if he doesn’t.”

“That’s what the judge said to me,” Brianna admitted.

“So you thought you’d move here, and Cory would turn around.” Zac leaned forward, holding her gaze with his intense one. “I’m very afraid that Cory’s not going to find the challenge he needs in Hope, Brianna. Not the way the school is now.”

Brianna sat back, concern mounting as she absorbed the impact of Zac’s words. She understood what he wasn’t saying. She’d arrived at Whispering Hope Clinic believing her work here would be much easier than her old job. But in the past few weeks she’d begun to question her ability, to wonder if she’d ever get the response she needed in order to help these kids.

“I know a little about drugs,” she murmured. “I did some practicum work with kids who were using. For most of the clients I saw then, the best I could offer was a listening ear.”

“Don’t you want to do more for Cory, much more?” Zac remained quiet, waiting for her to assimilate what he’d said.

In that silence, Brianna recognized the depth of his concern. His brow was furrowed—fingers clenched, shoulders rigid. The Zac she remembered only worried when something was out of his control.

“Do you think the drug situation in Hope is so bad that Cory’s future is out the window?” she asked, nerves taut.

“Not yet.” Zac shook his head.

“Then what are you saying?” she asked, holding back her fear.

“I’m saying that without something to counteract the drugs—and soon—there’s potential to ruin a lot of lives, including Cory’s. I’m asking for your help to create that counteraction.”

“How?” she asked cautiously.

“I’m not sure yet. That’s the problem.” Zac dragged a hand through his short hair, a familiar gesture that showed his frustration with having to go outside himself and his resources to accomplish something. He glared at her, his eyes intent. “When it comes to administration I’m the best you’ll find.”

“And humble, too,” she teased. Zac glared. “Sorry. Go on.”

“I can set the rules. I can find f-funding for programs. I can insist the teachers go beyond the usual to meet student needs...” The stutter proved Zac was moving well out of his comfort zone with his plea for help.

“But?” she prodded, confused by his words and his manner. Belligerent but beseeching.

“But I can’t get inside their heads.” His eyes glittered with suppressed emotion.

Suppressed emotion? Cool analytical Zac?

“I insisted the board hand over student counseling to Whispering Hope Clinic, to you, because the kids need somebody who’s engaged in their world, not a visiting counselor who will listen to them for an hour here or there, then disappear. They’ll see you on the street, in the café, at the grocery store. And they’ll know you are interested in them because that’s who you are. You’re a genuine nurturer, and they’ll recognize that.” He exhaled heavily.

“Thank you,” Brianna murmured, surprised by his generosity.

“I’m the authority figure. But you—you’re outside the school system, new in town, fresh from the big city. They’ll accept ideas from you. That won’t be a problem.”

“A problem for what?” She felt totally confused.

“For getting rid of the apathy that shrouds Hope. You don’t carry any baggage about Hope.”

“I don’t? You’re dreaming, Zac.” Brianna glared at him, hoping to remind him of their past.

“I meant preconceptions about these kids that would block you from seeing potential in them.” Their gazes locked before he looked away. “Knowing you, I’m pretty sure you’re brimming with ideas of what you want to accomplish in your practice. Innovation. Change.” He nodded. “That’s what I want, too.”

Brianna now had an inkling of where Zac was going with this and she didn’t like it. She did not want to work with him. She did not want to rehash all her old feelings of regret and rejection and get bogged down in them. Mostly she didn’t want to go back to those horrible hours and days after their almost-wedding when she’d struggled with the rightness of her decision to leave Hope and Zac.

“Just spell out what you want from me, will you, Zac?”

“Okay, I will.” He inhaled. “I need a plan to get these kids motivated. Hope isn’t like it was when we grew up here, Brianna.” He hunched forward, his face as serious as she’d ever seen it. “These kids aren’t gung ho about their future.”

“Not all of our peers were when we were growing up, either,” she reminded.

“Maybe not, but the vast majority of this generation of Hope’s kids have stopped imagining bigger or better. I want you to help me change that.”

Brianna stared at him, amazed by the passion in his voice.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he grumbled.

“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “It’s a laudable goal and I wish you success, but beyond that, I don’t see what I can do. I’ve already got a lot on my plate,” she reminded. “I’ve barely started at the clinic.”

“You’ll be busy there. Because you represent hope.” He nodded. “That’s exactly what I want to give these kids, including Cory. Hope.” His voice dropped, his eyes melted. “Please, Brianna. Help me do that.”

She’d said that to him so many times in the past. Help me, Zac. And every time Zac had patiently helped solve her issue—whether it was schoolwork or peer issues. He even let her bawl on his shoulder when her mom’s controlling threatened to destroy her dreams, though she’d been too embarrassed to tell him the truth about the rift between her and her mother. Yet through all her problems, Zac had always been on her side.

Until the day before their wedding.

Brianna veered away from that, back to the present.

“You have to get back to work and so do I. Let me think about it, Zac.” When he would have protested she cut him off. “You’ve obviously been considering this for a while, but it’s all new to me. I don’t know that I can take on something else until I’ve got my world settled a little better.”

“What’s your primary objection?”

“We have a past,” she said bluntly.

“So?” His chin jutted out.

“You must remember we seldom agreed on how things should be done.”

“I remember. And I remember we made it work anyway.” A crooked smile tipped his lips. His grin made her blush.

“Yes, well.” She coughed, searching for composure. “You’d want to be rid of me after our first argument. I can’t afford any negativity. This is my career and I’ve worked really hard for it.” She tried to soften her words. “It simply wouldn’t work, Zac. I’m sorry.”

“You could make it work, Brianna. You always had ten irons in the fire and you never had a problem.” His voice dropped to a more intimate level as his gaze searched hers. “The past is over. There’s nothing between us now, after all these years. What happened when we were kids isn’t going to affect me now. How about you?”

His words stung, though they shouldn’t have.

Nothing between us after all these years.

Her fingers automatically lifted to touch the chain that held the engagement ring he’d given her one Christmas Eve, hidden beneath the fabric of her blouse. She recalled the many times she’d been down, on the verge of quitting, and had touched that ring, mentally replaying Zac’s voice encouraging her to focus on what she wanted and go for it. He didn’t know it, but he’d gotten her through so many hard times.

“Don’t say no, Brianna. Next weekend is Homecoming. It could be the kickoff for a new plan. Think about it until tomorrow,” he begged. “That would still leave us a week to plan something.”

“Why does inspiring these kids mean so much to you?” she asked curiously.

“Because of Jeffrey.” His voice was raw.

She frowned, not understanding.

“I failed him.” Zac’s tightly controlled voice held fathoms of pain. “I don’t want any more kids on my conscience.”

His anguish wrenched Brianna’s heart, but the thought of working with him made her knees knock.

“All I can promise is I’ll think about it.” Brianna rose.

“Good enough.” He rose, too.

“Thank you for lunch. It was very nice.” Nice? It was the most interesting lunch she’d ever had. And that’s what worried her.

“You can help, Brianna.” Zac touched her arm, and then as her skin burned beneath his fingertips, he let his hand fall away. He gathered and stored his things. “Please consider it seriously.”

Brianna nodded, handed over the package for her mother when he insisted and watched him leave. Her caseload at the clinic left little time to think about what Zac had said until later that night when, after another argument about his curfew, Cory finally went to bed. She tried to talk to her dad but surprisingly he encouraged her participation with Zac.

“Let the past go, Brianna. Otherwise it will eat you to death.”

If it were only that easy.

When he retired and she was alone, Brianna pulled out all the arguments and pieced them together in her head.

Zac made a good case, but despite his intensity and passion, she had a hunch he hadn’t told her all his reasons for wanting this project. And forget what he’d said about their past being over; their past was a minefield of things not said. Resentment stirred like a boiling cauldron inside her. Zac, no doubt, carried his own grudges. Sooner or later he’d want to see her pay for running out on him.

Brianna ached to forget the past, but seeing Zac again revived the sense of betrayal she still felt, made worse since Jaclyn had announced her pregnancy. She and Kent were building their future. What was Brianna’s future? Cory would grow up, leave and she’d be alone.

She knew love like what Kent and Jaclyn shared wasn’t for her. She’d given that up when she’d left Hope ten years ago. That’s why she married Cory’s father, because it didn’t involve her heart. But she was finally doing the one thing she’d dreamed of all her life—counseling kids. She would not be swayed from that goal.

Like a movie, the night of their rehearsal dinner replayed in her mind.

You’re right, Mrs. Benson. We’ll stay in Hope for a while. Brianna will work in your interior-design store, maybe even take over for you.

With those few words Zac had derailed her dreams, broken every promise he’d made her and destroyed her faith in his integrity. He hadn’t known all the details of her battles with her mom, but he had known that Brianna never wanted to return to the store when she’d left after high school, despite her mother’s determination that she do so. And yet, he’d promised her mother Brianna would do the one thing she’d always fought against. He’d betrayed her.

Now he wanted her help.

How could she say yes after he’d destroyed the trust she had in him?

How could she say no when he was trying to help kids—kids like Cory?

Sighing, Brianna pulled out her Bible and read a couple of chapters. But they were just words. God, as usual, seemed far away. Still, ever hopeful, she reached out.

“What do I do, Lord?”

The empty silence left her aching with the familiar feelings of heavenly abandonment. Where was God when she needed Him?

It was going to be another sleepless night.

Chapter Three

There were very few times in his life that Zac regretted his actions. Yesterday’s plea to Brianna ranked right up there.

He stabbed the button on his phone that paged his secretary.

“Tammy Lyn, would you get me the number of that counseling outfit in Las Cruces, please?” Zac would find his own solutions. Because somehow, he was going to get that state job.

“I will. And I have Brianna’s office on line two. She wants to see you between her appointments tomorrow. Do you have a time preference?”

She was going to refuse. Zac was surprised by the rush of disappointment that swamped him. Had he really been looking forward to working with his former fiancée—the one who’d caused him so much embarrassment?

And why had Brianna run away on their wedding day? Zac wasn’t sure he believed her mother’s explanation that Brianna had realized she was too immature for marriage.

“Zac?” Tammy Lyn’s impatient reminder snapped his daydream.

“Sorry.” He swallowed, firmed his voice. “Three o’clock. I’ve got that board meeting at five.”

“Okay, we’ll try for that.” Tammy Lyn clicked off the intercom.

Zac wondered how Brianna would phrase her refusal. She’d probably try to poke around in his brain first, wanting to figure out what he hadn’t said yesterday. Guilt made him shift uncomfortably.

He hadn’t told her his goal of attaining the state job when she’d questioned his reasons for asking for her help. And he should have. Initiating a program to motivate kids that resulted in higher test scores would certainly improve his chances of getting a job developing curriculum, which sounded pretty selfish. But truthfully, influencing education at a state level seemed to Zac the only viable way he could make lasting changes in student achievement, and do it without the people skills he lacked. Still, when Brianna found out state education was his ultimate goal, she would probably assume he was using her.