A Baby by Christmas

THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS were difficult. Jake worked himself to exhaustion. He talked to Elise several times to see how she was doing and she was always happy to hear his voice. Still, their conversations were stilted and the waiting was getting to both of them.

Elise went through her regular routine of teaching and attending meetings, but Jake was never far from her mind. She was surprised she missed him so much. She missed his presence at night and she missed his company in the mornings. He always brought her a cup of coffee to wake her up; she enjoyed that and enjoyed what followed even more. She became angry every time she thought of how that had been taken away from her without warning. But she had to learn to cope, to deal with the situation.

She had a dinner engagement with her family at the club and came up with several excuses, but they all seemed lame. Besides, she had to get on with her life.

The club was busy and Elise spotted Althea Wellman and her family eating at a table. She purposely avoided them because she didn’t want to be asked questions about Jake. She hurriedly slid into a seat at her mother’s table and forced a smile.

“You’re late,” Constance Graham said before Elise could speak. Constance’s hair was blond, as was Judith’s, but now her color came out of a bottle. In her sixties, Constance was regal and proper and expected the very best of her daughters. Being late wasn’t tolerated.

“The husband not with you?” Judith asked in her catty way. “I’m not surprised. He’s never with you.”

Stan, Judith’s husband, spoke up. “Leave Elise alone. For God’s sake, she just sat down.”

“Thanks, Stan,” Elise said pointedly. “And it’s nice to see everyone, too.”

Constance patted her hand. “How are you, darling?”

“Fine,” she replied, gritting her teeth. Her family had that effect on her.

“Stan’s ordered wine,” Constance informed her. “Oh, here it comes now.”

The waiter poured wine into a glass and Stan tasted it. “Great, just great,” he murmured, and the waiter filled the glasses around the table.

Elise took a sip of wine. She was going to need it to muddle through the evening. Why had she come? She just wanted to be by herself. She didn’t like the way she was thinking or feeling these days and she couldn’t seem to do anything about it.

“I’ve had a horrible day,” Judith was saying. “I’m not satisfied with Duncan’s school and I can’t get through to his teachers. It’s like talking to robots.”

“He’s at a very good private school,” Elise said. “Their academic record is excellent.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the school,” Stan put in.

Judith turned in her seat to confront her husband. “Our son is not excelling the way he should. He has to be pushed. You’re too lenient. Why can’t you understand that?”

Stan shoved back his chair. “I need something stronger.” He headed for the bar.

“Oh, he makes me so angry,” Judith said, tipping up her glass. “He lets Duncan get away with anything. I caught them watching sports the other night instead of doing homework. I won’t have it. I won’t.”

“Calm down, dear,” Constance said. “We’re in a public place.”

Judith drank more wine.

“Duncan is eight years old,” Elise had to say. “He’s bright and energetic. I’m sure he’ll excel in anything he chooses.”

“I don’t need your advice, Elise.”

Normally Elise wouldn’t say anything to her older sister because when Judith was in a bad mood, it was better to leave her alone. But tonight she was out of patience. “Then stop giving me advice.”

Judith’s head jerked up. “And do you ever take it? No. You just had to marry that McCain man. Lord only knows why. Look at his brothers over there. They’re educated and respected in their fields, but you chose the farmer in the family. What were you thinking?”

“It’s my business,” Elise shot back.

“Yes,” Judith settled back with a smug expression.

“The business of making a baby. But has it happened? No. I think you should cut your losses and get out while you can.”

Anger bolted through Elise at her sister’s words. Judith didn’t even know Jake, but she’d judged him because of his profession. “I will thank you to stay out of my life.” She rose to her feet. “I’ll pass on dinner.”

Constance caught her arm. “Darling, no. Judith is just upset and not acting rationally, are you?” She looked at Judith. “I won’t have this kind of behavior at the dinner table.”

Judith waved a hand. “Okay, I’m just upset with Stan. I promise I won’t say another word about the farmer.”

“You just did,” Elise said heatedly, and walked away. She didn’t even pause when Constance called her name. Before she could escape, Althea stopped her at the door.

Althea was petite with short brown hair now highlighted with shades of gray. Her eyes were brown like her son’s.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering how Jake is.” She asked the same question every time Elise saw her. Tonight she didn’t think she could take much more.

“He’s fine, Althea. Busy as ever,” she managed to say.

“That’s good. I just want him to be happy.”

“I really have to go,” Elise said, and hated that look in Althea’s eyes—as if she’d hurt her. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She quickly made her way to her car, resisting the urge to run. She wanted to go to Jake, to feel his arms around her and…what? She didn’t know anymore. All she knew was that she was falling apart and the worst wasn’t over.

JAKE WAS FINISHING FOR the day when the phone rang. He’d spent hours in the fields, making sure things were done to his specifications. He was dirty and tired and he longed for a shower and a change of clothes.

“Hello,” he said into the receiver.

“Mr. McCain, this is Ms. Woods.”

Jake immediately sat down. He had to, because he knew what the call meant.

“Yes.”

“I have the DNA results.”

“Yes,” he said again, and tried to swallow, but his throat seemed to be locked.

“You’re the father. The test is 99.9 per cent reliable. You can’t be any more positive than that. You’re definitely the father.”

You’re the father. You’re the father. You’re the father.

The room and Ms. Woods’s voice faded away, and he was alone with those words holding him in a mindless void of pleasure and pain. He was the father. He had a son. He now knew the truth, and the truth was a bitter sweetness that permeated his whole body.

“Mr. McCain? Mr. McCain?”

Jake finally heard Ms. Woods calling his name. “Yes,” he said.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m not sure, but I will take responsibility for my son.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. We offer counseling for you and your wife…to help make this transition.”

“Right now I just want to see my son.”

“First, I’d like to meet with you and discuss Ben.”

“Why? What’s to discuss?”

“Ben’s just lost his grandmother. He’s very confused and we have to take things slowly.”

“Yes, yes, I understand.”

There was a pause, then Ms. Woods asked, “How does Mrs. McCain feel about this? She was pretty upset the other day.”

“Does it matter?” he countered, not wanting to discuss Elise with her.

“Yes, it matters a great deal. At the hearing a judge will look favorably upon a couple having custody of Ben.”

“Hearing? What hearing?”

“Ben is a ward of the court, Mr. McCain. Sherry’s rights as a parent were severed long ago and Mrs. Carr had full custody. A judge will now review Ben’s case before awarding custody to anyone else. The court will do what’s in Ben’s best interests.”

“I’m his father. Doesn’t that mean anything?” It was the first time he’d said the words and they felt good. He had a son. Ben was his.

“Yes, that will weigh in your favor, but as I said, a judge will make the final decision.”

“Are you saying I might not get my son?” He suddenly felt nauseous.

“I’m saying that with your wife beside you, it shouldn’t be a problem. But from this conversation, I’m guessing she’s not supporting you in this.”

Jake couldn’t lie to her. “She’s having a hard time accepting the news.”

“I see” came the reply. “I’ll be in Waco at nine in the morning to discuss this. The address is on the card I gave you. We’ll talk about Ben and everything else. Maybe by the time the hearing comes around, your wife will feel differently.”

“Maybe,” he mumbled, but he felt she wouldn’t.

As he hung up, he didn’t think about Elise or Ben. He thought about Ms. Woods and their conversation. There was a note in her voice that bothered him. A hesitation—as if she was keeping something from him. But what?

LATER THAT EVENING JAKE DROVE to Elise’s house. He let himself in and saw her working at her computer in the study. When she saw him, she came into the living room, wearing black slacks and a cream knit top, her expression vulnerable. He wished he wasn’t about to shatter her world. He searched for words to tell her, but she took it out of his hands.

“You have the results, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he said quietly as his insides coiled tight.

She bit her lip. “Well?”

His eyes met hers. “I’m the father.”

“No, no!” She shook her head, not wanting to believe it, then saw that look on his face. “Oh, God.” She sank onto the sofa and linked her fingers together. “You’re the father.”

“Yes.”

“This changes everything.”

“Yes,” he said again.

Silence. Loud, heartbreaking silence.

He squeezed a question from his locked throat. “Can you raise another woman’s child?”

She raised her head. “I…ah…I’m not sure.” She needed to tell him now what she’d done. Maybe he would understand. Maybe…

“I want my own baby” came out instead.

“I’m aware of that, but I can’t walk away from my son. My mother did that to me and I will not do that to my child.”

They stared at each other, and the pain in her eyes tightened his stomach even more. “I’m sorry, Elise. I didn’t plan this. I would never intentionally hurt you.”

Tears rolled down her face. “But you have, can’t you see that? You’ve ruined our lives.”

Something in him snapped. She wasn’t even trying to see this from his point of view. She had only one thought in her head—herself and a baby.

“Yes, I’ve ruined your life, Elise, and I’d find all these tears and emotions easier to understand if you cared one iota for me. But I’m just a sperm donor to you. You’ve never considered my feelings or much of anything else where I’m concerned.”

She blanched. “What are you talking about?”

“Derek’s picture. How do you think it makes me feel to make love to you with his picture on your nightstand?”

“You never said anything.”

“My God.” He shoved both hands through his hair.

“Why should I have to say anything? You should’ve had enough consideration for my feelings to remove it.”

“You know how I loved him.”

“Oh, yeah, and I’m tired of hearing that, too. He’s dead and it’s time you accepted it.”

“Now you’re being cruel.” She buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

Jake inhaled sharply, but it didn’t keep the grief and anger from coming out. “And I don’t like living in your house. I’m afraid of getting something dirty or breaking a priceless heirloom. I’m a farmer and I have a house and that’s where I should be.” She looked up at him with her bottom lip trembling but still he didn’t stop. “You’ve never showed the slightest interest in seeing my home, my farm. That’s because you don’t care about me. The only thing you care about is having a baby.”

She stared at him through watery eyes. “That was our agreement—to have a child and raise it together. We never discussed the other things. I didn’t think they were important to you.”

“They are and you’ve stomped on my feelings long enough.”

“Then I think you’d better go.”

Some of his anger evaporated. He didn’t want it to end like this. He’d wanted to say so many things to Elise and everything had come out wrong and harsh. “I…ah…”

She gritted her teeth and took a deep breath, composing herself. “It’s okay, Jake. I’ll survive.”

No doubt she would, but he hated hurting her. “The social worker is setting up a meeting with Ben.” He didn’t know why he said that. It just seemed to slip out. Maybe he was hoping for a break in her demeanor, something to give him a sign that the marriage wasn’t over.

“I hope you’ll be happy with your little boy.”

Her head was bent and he couldn’t see her eyes, but he knew it took every bit of emotional energy she had for her to say that. It also told him that there was no hope for them. Ms. Woods had said his chances for custody would be better with Elise. Now he’d have to take his chances alone.

“If you want to file for divorce, I’ll sign the papers.”

Her eyes jerked to his. “Is that what you want?”

No, I want us to raise my son together. But he said, “Yes, it’s what I want.”

CHAPTER THREE

JAKE HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING. He kept seeing Elise’s face, the hurt in her eyes…a hurt he had put there. Not intentionally, but still, he was the cause of her pain. He sat up and slipped on his jeans, grabbed a T-shirt and shoes and headed for the door. Wags followed. Jake went straight to his workshop, which was off the garage. Wags settled in his spot by the door, watching Jake.

The smell of fresh-shaved wood clung to the air. As a hobby, Jake did woodwork and it was something he loved. He flipped on the light and strolled over to a baby’s cradle that occupied the middle of the large room. Elise had seen it in a magazine and he was planning to surprise her with it when she became pregnant. He drew in a deep breath and pulled up a chair, staring at the cradle. Wags trotted over and barked.

“I know, boy,” Jake said. “We’ll go to the house in a minute.” He couldn’t take his eyes off the cradle.

It consisted of round spindles connected to a half-circular base at each end. The crib swung from a sturdy stand. He had spent many hours doing the intricate pattern of flowers on the circular base and the stand. The spindles were rounded in the middle and smaller on each end. Mrs. Myers, a friend of his who sewed, was making the mattress and lining out of some of the finest cotton ever grown and he’d ordered lace from Italy as a finishing touch. The picture in the magazine was white, but Elise had said if the baby was a boy she wouldn’t want white, so Jake was waiting to paint or stain the crib. Now he didn’t have to worry. It would never be finished.

He pushed the cradle and it swung gently back and forth as “Rock-a-Bye, Baby” played. He’d had a hell of a time figuring out how to get the tune to play when the cradle rocked, but a visit to the electronics store solved his problem. It worked on the same principle as a music box. Now it was all for nothing.

Wags barked several times at the sound and Jake nodded his head. Glancing up, he saw the new wood stacked against the wall. He was starting on a baby bed next, to match the crib. A tremor of despair ran through him. For the first time he realized how much he wanted a baby…how much he’d planned for it, too. Letting go of that hope wasn’t easy for him, either.

But now he had Ben. Tomorrow he’d see his son for the first time and that filled him with new hope. It didn’t diminish the feelings he had for his and Elise’s baby; it just made the whole situation difficult.

What would he do if Elise was pregnant? He ran his hands over his face. He’d deal with that if it happened.

“Jake, what are you doing working so late?”

Jake turned to Aunt Vin standing in the doorway.

“It’s almost eleven,” she added, walking farther into the room. “I just got in from playing bingo and… Oh, oh, the cradle is beautiful.”

“Yes,” Jake said in a low voice.

Aunt Vin watched him for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

Jake clasped his hands together. “Ms. Woods called. I’m…I’m Ben’s father.”

“Oh, and from your expression I’m guessing the fancy lady isn’t taking this well.”

“No,” Jake admitted, seeing no reason to lie.

Aunt Vin clicked her tongue. “She wants a baby and God just gave her a ready-made one. What’s the difference? They all need love.”

Jake pushed to his feet and put his arm around her shoulder. “Yeah, and I’m going to give my son all the love I have.”

“So you’re raising Ben alone?”

“It looks that way.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be here.”

“Thanks, Aunt Vin.”

They slowly made their way to the house, Wags running ahead. “I guess we need to get a room ready,” she remarked.

“Let’s wait for a few days. I want to meet Ben first.”

“Okay.” Aunt Vin paused. “She’s not even going to meet Ben?”

“No.”

Aunt Vin shook her head and went to her room.

THE NEXT MORNING JAKE WAS UP early and drove into Waco to meet Ms. Woods. He found the building without any problem. She was in an office that consisted of a small space cluttered with filing cabinets and a desk.

She rose to her feet. “Good morning, Mr. McCain,” she said as she shook his hand. “Have a seat.”

Jake sat in a straight chair by her desk.

Ms. Woods clasped her hands across a large folder. “Mrs. McCain not with you?”

“No,” Jake replied, and to avoid answering uncomfortable questions he asked, “When can I see my son?”

Ms. Woods looked as if she was going to press the issue, but then said, “There are a few things we have to discuss first.”

“Like what?”

“Ben. I want you to be fully aware of his situation.”

He heard that note in her voice again and Jake knew something was wrong. “What situation?’ he asked carefully.

She opened the folder. “Ben has special problems.”

Jake’s chest tightened. “Problems?”

“As before, the only way I know how to do this is just tell you.”

“I wish you would.”

“Ben was a twenty-seven-week baby—a preemie—and he wasn’t breathing when he was born. The doctors worked with Ben and it took nine minutes before he could breathe on his own. He was then flown to Memorial Hermann hospital in Houston. He was basically in a comatose state and the doctors didn’t expect him to live. Sherry was supposed to make the trip to Houston a couple of days later, but she never showed up. That’s when the hospital called Children’s Protective Services. They had no one to contact if the baby died. We were able to locate Sherry’s mother and she immediately came to Houston. She didn’t even know Sherry had given birth.” She paused. “They fed him from an IV because he had no sucking reflex and he was getting oxygen to help him breathe. When Mrs. Carr arrived she was devastated at the sight of Ben, but she was a very religious person and wouldn’t leave Ben or give up on him. On the third day, Ben’s sucking reflex began. It was as close to a miracle as I’ve ever seen, but Ben had a long way to go. The doctors did test after test and ruled out several disorders, including cerebral palsy. Finally Ben’s diagnosis was developmental delay and his prognosis wasn’t good.”

“Developmental delay?”

“Yes. Ben does everything much slower than other children.”

The pain in Jake’s chest became so tight that it was unbearable.

“Mrs. Carr was Ben’s lifeline and she was determined that Ben would be a normal little boy. She lived in Bryan but she relocated to Houston so Ben could be near the hospital and doctors. At first Ben didn’t have the muscle tone to accomplish simple tasks. Mrs. Carr, under a developmental pediatrician’s guidance, began an exercise program for Ben. She massaged his arms and legs, even the inside of his mouth, to stimulate him. When she took Ben home, she continued the exercises. They took from three to four hours and she did them at least twice a day, but it was worth it. This little boy—who was supposed to be a vegetable if he lived at all—was able to roll over at ten months. At fifteen months he crawled and he took his first steps six months ago. Mrs. Carr was working on his speech and he was starting to say words and whole sentences, then…”

Ms. Wood stopped. “Irene was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she died quickly. She was so busy caring for Ben that she didn’t take care of herself. She was devoted to Ben, I suspect mainly because she’d had such a disaster with her daughter.” She stopped again. “When you met Sherry at that hotel, she was supposed to be clean and working but, as you found, that wasn’t true. She also lied to you about birth control. Irene said Sherry was never able to take the pill and Irene worried about pregnancy all the time because Sherry’s boyfriend was a drug dealer. He was in prison when you met her. CPS hasn’t been involved in Ben’s case since Mrs. Carr was granted custody, but we’ve checked on him from time to time. When Mrs. Carr became ill, she contacted us. That’s the reason I’m here today.”

Jake listened to all of this in a state of shock, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. His throat burned with an ache he couldn’t assuage. His son had needed him and he hadn’t been there.

“Mr. McCain, are you okay?” Ms. Woods asked with concern.

“Yes,” he answered with difficulty. “Sherry…where is she now?”

“As I told you earlier, we don’t know. When Ben was about a month old, her boyfriend, Rusty, was released from prison. Mrs. Carr was in Houston with Ben and Sherry was in their Bryan home. The boyfriend went there and Sherry and Irene argued. Irene didn’t want him in her house and she was trying to get Sherry to return to Houston and Ben. Sherry came one more time to see him, then she left with Rusty. Two months later Irene got a phone call from the police. Rusty shot a woman in El Paso when a drug deal went bad. The Texas Rangers became involved and said they were in Mexico. Irene got several phone calls from various border towns, but they still haven’t been located.”

Jake frowned. “She just left with her boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“How could she abandon her own son?”

“Mr. McCain, Sherry has had lots of problems since her father was killed in a freak accident when she was sixteen. He was the center of her world and she never recovered from it. She got in with a bad crowd, got into drugs. From what I understand, Mrs. Carr did everything she could to help her daughter, but Sherry was bent on a course of self-destruction.” She arched an eyebrow. “I’m sure you noticed some of this when you met her.”

“Yes,” he murmured. He recognized early that Sherry had problems he didn’t want to get involved with. He remembered her talking constantly about her father and how he understood her and her mother didn’t. But that didn’t explain how she could just leave Ben.

Jake stood on shaky legs. “I want to see my son.”

She was taken aback. “I’m not through, Mr. McCain.”

“There’s more?” he asked hoarsely.

“Yes. Ben has regressed since Mrs. Carr’s death. He’s stopped speaking, he falls often and he rarely smiles. So we have to handle this very carefully.”

“Please, I want to see my son,” he repeated.

“You will, I promise, but I wish you would listen to everything I have to say.”

“What else could there possibly be?” He was losing patience and could feel his tension building.

“You haven’t asked where Ben is.”

“I assume he’s in a foster home somewhere,” he replied.

“All the more reason for me to take responsibility for him.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why?”

“Mrs. Carr’s sister and her husband moved in when she became so ill. She wanted someone there for Ben.”

Thank God. At least Ben was with family. “I’m glad,” he said simply.

Ms. Woods picked up a pencil, then glanced directly at him. “Our office got a call this morning from an attorney. The Fosters have decided they want to adopt Ben and they’re filing for custody.”

“What!” His eyes burned into her.

“They’re very fond of Ben.”

“He’s my son,” Jake stated as if he needed to remind her of that.