A Baby by Christmas

Please don’t let the boy be Jake’s, she prayed.

JAKE SLEPT IN HIS OWN BED for the first time in months, but it wasn’t the same. He kept reaching for Elise. She had a habit of snuggling into him, and then he’d wrap his arms around her. He could almost smell her perfume, her feminine scent. He got out of bed and went to the kitchen for a glass of milk and a banana. He sat at the table in his underwear and took a look around the room. Everything was new and shiny. Mistakenly thinking Elise would want to live here, he’d had the farmhouse completely redone. The house had belonged to his grandfather and had a wraparound porch and lots of mullioned windows for air circulation. But Jake had installed central air and heat years ago. Still, the house retained the ambience of older days. He’d painted it inside and out, put on a new roof and given it a makeover that included new appliances, enlarging the master bedroom and adding its own private bath. There’d been only one bathroom in the house and Jake had also installed a bath in the utility room. He put as much white as he could in the house because Elise liked it, but there was a lot of natural wood, which he kept. The result was very rustic with a modern touch. He’d done everything for Elise.

He ran both hands over his face. They’d gotten married in such a hurry and it had seemed logical to live in Elise’s house because it was close to the university, as Elise had pointed out. Her days were full with teaching, and her summer schedule had already been planned with graduate students—he saw very little of her except at night. Of course, he was occupied harvesting a corn crop and watching over his planted cotton, too. Both their lives were so busy and they’d never talked about where they would eventually live. Was he crazy to think she’d ever come here?

He’d certainly hoped that she would, because all he could see in his future was Elise and he knew he’d fallen…His whole body jerked as the thought ran through him like an electrical shock. In love with her. Love? What the hell did he know about love? Not a thing, he answered himself. He knew that it hurt and he was feeling a lot of that, plus a few other emotions that left a hollow ache in his belly, not to mention his heart. Was this love? How did it happen? And when?

Maybe it was that first time he looked into her blue eyes or when he’d kissed her or made love to her. Made love? Oh, God, he was making love and she was having sex. He recognized the difference. Painfully.

Somehow his feelings had deepened between that first look and the many heated encounters. Now what? He wasn’t familiar with this type of love, but it was a powerful feeling. That was what all the irritation was about. Elise didn’t love him. If she did, she would’ve tried to be supportive about the possibility of his having a son. Instead she was blaming him for an indiscretion he wasn’t even aware he’d committed. A son? He could have a son. The realization threatened to overwhelm him, but he couldn’t dwell on it or the what-ifs. First, he had to have the truth.

He heard a noise and saw Wags, his dog, coming through the doggy door. Wags rested his head on Jake’s thigh and Jake rubbed his ears. Wags was a medium-size, yellowish-brown Labrador retriever mix. Mike, his foreman, had gotten him as a puppy and given him to Jake. Wags wagged his tail constantly, as he was doing now, hence his name.

“Where you been, boy?” Jake asked, continuing to stroke him. “Out chasing rabbits?”

Wags growled.

“What are you gonna do if you ever catch one?” Jake laughed.

Wags barked.

He got up and opened a can of dog food and spooned it into his dish. Wags gobbled up the food, his tail working overtime. “Life is pretty simple for you, isn’t it, boy? No responsibility, no worries, or guilty conscience. Just basic primal needs.”

Jake returned to the table; Wags followed and curled up beside his chair. His thoughts turned to Sherry. She’d been friendly, helpful and outgoing, and he was attracted to her energetic personality. His room at the hotel had a water leak in the bathroom and she’d quickly arranged a move to a suite, even though the hotel was crowded. To make up for his inconvenience, she offered to buy his dinner. He assumed she’d meant the hotel would pay for his dinner, but when he went down, she was sitting at his table. He didn’t mind. She was pretty and good company. Being away from home, he found it pleasant to have someone to talk to.

When they returned to his room, she began to rip off his clothes and he knew she wasn’t the woman he’d thought she was. But he didn’t do much resisting. Later in the week, he found her in the bathroom doing cocaine. He didn’t want anything else to do with her and told her so. She called him a few names and that was the last he’d seen of her. Could she have already been pregnant? They’d used a condom and she’d said she was on the pill, so there was no way she could have gotten pregnant. No way. The little boy had brown eyes and hair and Jake’s name was on his birth certificate. Those facts kept torturing him.

He sighed tiredly. No, he wouldn’t do this to himself. Tomorrow he’d take the blood test and wait. The results would determine the rest of his life—a life with or without Elise.

CHAPTER TWO

THE NEXT MORNING JAKE WOKE up to the smell of bacon frying and knew he was home. Wags was asleep on his mat in Jake’s room. When Jake rolled out of bed, Wags trotted into the kitchen, enticed by the smell of food. Jake hurriedly dressed, trying not to think about Elise and how it felt to wake up with his arms around her.

Aunt Lavina stood at the stove—a short, thin woman with permed gray hair and blue eyes. She was his father’s sister and Jake had always called her Aunt Vin; everyone did. She’d never married or had children and when Althea left, she came to help raise Jake and she’d been at the farm ever since. She’d worked as a secretary for years, but now she was retired.

“Morning, Aunt Vin.” Jake kissed her cheek.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “The honeymoon over?”

He was well aware she was referring to the fact that he’d slept in his own bed last night and he avoided the question.

“Mmm, that smells good.”

Aunt Vin gave Wags a piece of bacon, then set a plate of eggs, bacon and homemade biscuits in front of Jake. “I knew this was going to happen. Any woman who isn’t interested enough to even come here and see the beautiful work you’ve done to this house is not good enough for you. I’m glad you’ve finally realized that. The only interest you had in her was making the bedsprings sag.”

Sex had been a big part of their relationship. Hell, it was the only relationship they had. They hadn’t built any type of foundation to sustain the news they’d received yesterday.

Ignoring her words, Jake bit into a biscuit. At Elise’s, they usually had muffins and fruit in the mornings, and now the big breakfast seemed too much.

“I’ve got bingo tonight, so you’ll have to fix your own supper. I’m not missing bingo.” She put the frying pan in the sink. “Some woman’s been calling. Did she get you?”

Jake put down his fork. “Yeah, I talked to her.”

“I just hope Mattie isn’t there tonight. She always manages to win. I believe she’s cheating and I wish I could catch her.”

Aunt Vin was on another channel as usual—at times it was hard to keep up with her.

“So what did the woman want?” she asked abruptly.

Jake wondered how much to tell her, but then made the decision. Aunt Vin was like a mother to him and he had to share this with someone. He told her about Ms. Woods and Ben. Aunt Vin just stared at him.

“A son? You could have a son?”

“Yes. I have to take a DNA test and then we’ll know.”

She clapped her hands. “Oh my, there hasn’t been a child in this house for years.” She looked down at Wags, who was begging for more bacon. “Isn’t that great, Wags?”

Wags growled.

“Aunt Vin, you’re not listening to me. I said might. I have to take a test, so don’t start planning anything.”

“Okay, okay, don’t get riled up,” she said, giving Wags another piece of bacon.

“I just want you to be aware of what’s going on.”

Aunt Vin smiled. “Oh, now I see. That’s why the fancy lady kicked you out. She’s not happy with this development.”

“Please don’t call her that,” Jake said, hating that Aunt Vin didn’t like Elise. But Elise hadn’t made any effort to get to know her, either. Still, Jake found himself defending his wife. “And no, she’s not happy. No woman would be.”

“Well, well, well,” Aunt Vin murmured, pouring him more coffee. “This should be interesting, but you can count on me. I raised you and I can raise another boy.”

Jake stood and hugged her. “I know, and thanks, but like I said, please don’t start making plans. We have to wait before we do anything. Now I have to find Mike and then go to the lab.”

“Will you be sleeping here tonight?”

He turned at the door. “I’m not sure.”

“You’ll be sleeping here,” she muttered under her breath as he walked out the door, Wags right behind him.

Wags missed him at nights, but there was no way he could take a dog to Elise’s. Elise didn’t even know he had a dog. So whenever he was at home Wags followed him everywhere he went.

JAKE TALKED TO HIS FOREMAN, Mike, to go over which cotton fields were scheduled to be harvested today. It was late September, one of the busiest times of the year, and he needed to be here, but he had no choice—he had to go. He had good people working for him so he left things in their capable hands.

The lab work was easy and simple, as Ms. Woods had said, a few minutes out of his day that could change the rest of his life. Driving home, he started toward Elise’s, then realized she’d already have left for the university. He should’ve called her this morning, but he wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe by tonight she would’ve cooled off and they could talk without tempers flaring.

When he got back to the farm, he picked up Wags and drove to the fields. Wags loved to ride in the truck with his head stuck out the window. The machines were already picking cotton, which would be stored in a module to be taken to the gin a little later. Right now the goal was to get the cotton out of the field. The corn had been harvested in July and so far he was having a good season. The weather was always a deciding factor in his business. It could make or break him.

His office was attached to a big barn that housed most of his farm equipment. After he checked with Mike and found they were on schedule, he headed there. Wags curled up at his feet as Jake tried to focus on paperwork that had piled up on his desk, but he couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking about Elise. He wished he’d called her, then he’d know what kind of mood she was in and maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to get some work done.

At noon, his brother Beau stopped by. Beau was a lawyer, single with dark good looks that made him popular with women. They’d had very little contact when they were growing up. Beau was eight when Althea left and the battle lines had been drawn—Beau and their mother against Jake and their father. Joe McCain had refused to let Jake have anything to do with them and that was the way it stayed for years. When Jake was twenty-five, Joe passed away and Beau came to the funeral. He and Jake started talking, getting reacquainted. Since then, Beau had been on a crusade to bring Althea and Jake back together, but so far Jake had resisted all his efforts. He couldn’t forget the hurt she had caused him and his father.

“Hey, Jake,” Beau said, throwing himself down in a chair. “How’s business?”

Jake lifted an eyebrow. “Busy.”

“Yeah, I saw the machines in the field. Looks like you’re having a good year.”

“Yep, even the shortage of rain didn’t hurt. Irrigation took up the slack.”

Beau looked around the office. “It’s strange coming back here. I feel as if he’ll walk in at any minute and yell at me to do something. I was always frightened of him.”

“We have different memories of our father,” Jake replied with a somber face.

Beau eyed him speculatively. “Just like we have different memories of our mother.”

Jake leaned back in his chair. He didn’t want to discuss their parents; that was the past. He was more concerned with the present and Elise and the DNA test.

“What are you doing here, Beau?”

“Aunt Vin wanted some advice on her will. She’s leaving everything to you, which is no secret, but I think she just wanted to make sure I didn’t feel hurt. I told her that by the time she dies, she’ll have spent it all on bingo, anyway.”

“Yeah, it’s an obsession with her.” He glanced at Beau.

“Are you sure you’re okay with her decision? I tried talking to her, but—”

Beau held up a hand. “I’m fine with it, Jake. Besides, I’ve only gotten reacquainted with Aunt Vin in the past few years.”

Silence stretched for a moment, then Beau slipped in, “Aunt Vin said you slept here last night.”

Jake’s eyes caught Beau’s. “Don’t pry into matters that don’t concern you.”

“Ah.” Beau crossed his legs. “Something is wrong.”

It certainly was, Jake thought, but not in the way Beau meant. How much had Aunt Vin told him? Not much, Jake guessed; that was why Beau was fishing for information. Well, if the boy was his, it wouldn’t be a secret too long, but still, he wasn’t good at confiding and the last person he wanted to know was his mother. And he couldn’t trust Beau not to tell her.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jake replied in a cool tone.

“Come on, Jake, I’m not stupid,” Beau kept on. “Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be sleeping at the farm.”

“If there is, it’s between Elise and me.” He’d never told Beau why he and Elise had gotten married so quickly. His relationship with Elise was private.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop prying.”

“Don’t you have an office you should be in?”

“Sure do.” Beau stood. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“I won’t.”

Beau frowned. “Why do you have to be so hard and unforgiving?”

“That’s just me” was the quick answer.

“No, it isn’t. It’s just a front to hide your emotions.” Beau took a breath. “For God’s sakes, why can’t you talk to her?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not? She’s your mother.”

“Not anymore.”

“Sometimes, Jake, you make me so angry.”

“Close the door on your way out,” Jake said, then went back to his paperwork.

“One of these days, Jake, you’re going to need someone, and I hope to God that person’s not as hard as you are.”

Jake tried to shut out Beau’s words, but he couldn’t. All he could remember was a ten-year-old boy who cried himself to sleep wanting his mother—a mother who’d deserted him without a second thought. That might be hard for Beau to understand, but he wasn’t the one left behind. Jake refused to see Althea under any condition; that was a vow he’d made to himself when she walked out of his life—the day she abandoned him to start a new life with Andrew Wellman. That kind of betrayal he couldn’t forgive and neither could his father. A heartbroken man, Joe McCain died way before his time.

Jake had never met his half brother, Caleb, the child of Althea and Andrew Wellman, nor did he want to. Caleb was now almost twenty-eight, but Jake still had no desire for any type of relationship. He realized that was a flaw in his nature, but he couldn’t get around it. The pain from the past was always with him, and even though Caleb had nothing to do with it, he represented part of that betrayal.

Jake reached for his hat. If he had a son, he’d never be able to walk away from him. He’d never do to a child what his mother had done to him—even if it meant losing Elise.

THAT EVENING JAKE DROVE TO Elise’s house, unable to stay away any longer. Her car was in the garage, so he knew she was home. At the door he started to pull off his boots, then changed his mind. He wasn’t doing that anymore. He wondered if he should knock but decided against that, too. He used his key, as always.

Elise was sitting on the bed staring at Derek’s picture but thinking about Jake. She’d thought about calling him all day but wanted him to make the first move. He was the one who’d created the turmoil in their lives, so he had to make it right. She heard the back door open and jumped to her feet. It had to be Jake. She glanced at herself in the mirror and straightened her blue suit.

“Elise,” she heard him call.

She slowly made her way to the living room. Jake was standing in the middle of the room with his hat in his hand. He wore his customary jeans, boots and cotton shirt and he looked so handsome. Just seeing him made her heart beat a little faster. Now he’d tell her that the boy wasn’t his and everything would be okay. They’d have their baby as planned.

“Hi,” he said softly.

She noticed him looking at her hair, which was pinned up. She wore it like that to work. She thought it gave her an added edge of maturity, but Elise knew Jake liked her hair down—he enjoyed taking it down.

“Hi,” she replied, her heart beating so fast now she could barely breathe. They had to resolve this situation; that was all she could think.

“We have to talk,” he said.

“Yes.” She sat on the sofa and he took a chair.

“I had the test done this morning,” he told her, placing his hat on the end table.

“But you still don’t have the results?”

“No,” he admitted. “But I need to tell you how I feel.”

Elise leaned back and grabbed a decorative pillow for support.

“My mother walked away from me when I was ten years old. I would never do that to a child. If the boy is mine, I have to take responsibility.”

God, she knew that. She knew Jake. This nightmare was not over.

“What about our plans for a baby?” She had to have an answer to that question. It had been with her day and night.

Jake drew a deep breath. “We have to wait for the test results before we can go any further.”

“Our lives have changed,” she had to say. “We have this tension that wasn’t there before.”

“Yes, and I apologize for that, but this has been a big shock.”

“I’m having a hard time dealing with it.”

“I can see that.”

“So where do we go from here?”

Jake swallowed. “If the boy is mine, you’ll have to ask yourself a big question. Can you raise another woman’s child?”

Another woman’s child.

Suddenly she felt a deadweight in her arms and fear clogged her throat, her senses, her thinking. How did she explain to him what she was feeling? She had a hard time understanding it herself.

Jake was taking in the expression on her face, looking like he’d been punched in the chest. He swallowed again. “I suppose the DNA test will decide our future.”

She stared at him. “Have you considered that I might be pregnant?”

“Yes,” he said, and looked away. “We’ll have to wait about that, too. So I’ll stay at the farm until this is resolved. It’ll give us the time we need.”

“Yes,” she muttered, squeezing the pillow so tight her fingers were numb.

He walked over and kissed her cheek. She felt cold and didn’t respond to his touch. How could she? He straightened and picked up his hat.

“I’ll call when I get the results.” Then he walked out of the room.

ELISE’S HAND WENT to her cheek. She could still smell his aftershave. She closed her eyes and her body started to tremble. Placing both hands over her stomach, she prayed a baby was growing inside her. If she had Jake’s baby, he’d come back. They would be together, but that didn’t make the other problem disappear. It only made things worse. God, she was losing her mind, just like her mother and sister, Judith, had said. And she was losing Jake.

She wiped a tear away and tried to understand what she was feeling. A little girl’s blue face swam before her eyes and that old fear gripped her, just as if it were yesterday. Then the memories came flooding back.

Her mother was getting ready for a party at the university. She was going with her friends, the Abbotts. Even though Elise’s father had passed away, her mother still had close ties to the university.

Mae Abbott called at the last minute in a panic because her baby-sitter had canceled. Elise’s mother had volunteered her for the job.

Elise was fifteen and didn’t know a thing about babies, but her mother gave her a list of instructions and told her it would be easy. Tammy was eleven months old and adorable and Mrs. Abbott had brought a playpen full of toys to occupy her. Elise fed her, changed her diaper and let her play while Elise lay on the floor reading. Engrossed in her novel she forgot about Tammy, then she heard her gagging. Elise jumped up to see what was wrong.

Tammy’s face was red and tears rolled from her eyes as she continued to gag. Elise picked her up and patted her back, but it didn’t work. Tammy turned blue and stopped breathing. Elise was horrified and didn’t know what to do. She shook the baby, turned her upside down, but nothing worked. Tammy was limp and unresponsive. Clearly there was something obstructing her breathing so Elise had no choice but to stick her finger down Tammy’s throat, trying to dislodge whatever it was. At first, she couldn’t feel a thing, so she rammed her finger farther into the baby’s windpipe and pulled out an object. Tammy coughed and started breathing, then wailing. Elise sat with her in a chair, both of them crying hard. That was the way her mother and the Abbotts had found them.

Mrs. Abbott was very angry and accused Elise of being irresponsible and negligent. Her mother had asked what Tammy had choked on and Elise opened her hand to reveal an eye from one of the large teddy bears in the playpen. The Abbotts whisked Tammy away to the emergency room and Elise’s mother told her to go to her room and to forget what had happened. Tammy had almost died because Elise hadn’t been watching her—there was no way she’d ever forget that.

Later, Mrs. Abbott had apologized and said she shouldn’t have sent the bear because she knew the eye was loose, but the damage had been done. Elise couldn’t stop thinking that she’d almost killed a baby. An innocent baby.

After that she avoided babies, her fear of them continuing through her teens, college and adult life. A lot of people gravitated toward babies, but Elise was just the opposite. Derek was the only person she’d ever told about her experience and her fear. For the first time someone made her understand it wasn’t her fault, and Derek had her actually planning the birth of their own baby. Then he died.

When she turned thirty-five, she began to have inner stir-rings—yearnings—and she found herself looking at babies, wondering what it would be like to be a mother. Derek had told her she would be a good mother and she believed him. She wouldn’t be scared of her own child; she would love it, care for it and protect it.

Her biological clock was ticking, the sound a silent alarm that kept reminding her time was running out. If she was going to have a baby, she’d have to do it, and soon. Somehow she reasoned that if she gave birth, she could forget that horrible day, finally put it behind her as Derek had told her. She would experience those nurturing, motherly feelings and prove she wasn’t a horrible person.

She got up and walked to the bedroom. How could she tell Jake that awful story? How she’d almost killed a child. He’d see her differently and she didn’t want to see the loathing in his eyes.

The little boy needed a mother. And he might be Jake’s son. Could she care for him? Be his mother? She honestly didn’t have an answer. All she could feel was the fear inside her, and before she could find an answer she’d have to tell Jake the truth. Derek had understood, but then Derek had loved her. Jake didn’t love her and it made this problem so difficult.

He’s just a little boy, though…. She swiftly closed that door. She wouldn’t open it. She couldn’t. Selfishly, painfully, she pushed those thoughts aside. Tomorrow would be brighter. It had to be.