Forever

I nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I’ve been torn up all morning because of Elijah. He isn’t going to let this thing go.”

Suzanna came closer. She whispered, “How’s Rose? Is she all right? Are you two really getting back together? Is she coming back to live among us?”

I put up my hands to stop her bombardment. The motion silenced her, but her light blue eyes sparked with more questions. I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to escape the barn without sharing some information with her. Suzanna and Miranda were Rose’s friends, after all. It was understandable that they’d want to know what was going on.

“All right, slow down. Rose is fine. Yes, we’re back together, but it isn’t common knowledge yet, so don’t go gossiping.”

“You know we wouldn’t. Anything you tell us will never leak out. I thought we’ve proven ourselves to you,” Suzanna huffed.

Looking into her eyes and seeing her determination, I knew she meant what she said. I relaxed further and continued, “Rose is coming back to Meadowview today, but she’s not going to be Amish straightaway. I guess the only reason her father is all right with her coming back to the area is that she’s convinced him that she’s over me. She’s finishing out the few weeks of school to prove to him her intentions.”

“Not more lies. Haven’t you two learned your lesson well enough? After the incident with that letter you were talking about and all, I’d think you’d want to be in the open with your love,” Suzanna said.

I shook my head. “You’re not thinking it through. We can’t be together just yet. She’s still only seventeen. Her father wouldn’t allow her to come back if he knew about us. And, my father has asked that we stay away from each other for some months to let the trouble with the Schwartzes die down. When Rose turns eighteen in late November, enough time will have passed for the community to again accept our union, and her father won’t be able to stop us, either. We’ll marry soon after and begin our life together in the Amish world.”

Timmy scratched his chin and nodded his head slowly. “That sounds like a good plan to me. If you and Rose got back together immediately after you canceled the wedding with Constance, you’d be frowned on by the entire community.”

“And, Elijah would be after you all the more,” Matthew added.

Suzanna picked up Miranda’s hand and pulled her toward the doorway. She stopped before she stepped out and said, “You’re just plain dumb, Noah, to think that it will work out that smoothly. Something unexpected always comes up to ruin well-laid plans—especially if you’re going to be dishonest once again.”

A second after she disappeared, she poked her head back in and said, “I’m happy that Rose is coming back, though. You tell her I expect her to contact me straightaway. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

The gust of air hit me for a couple of seconds before the girls had the door pulled shut.

Suzanna was right. But what could I do, except try to make it work out properly? As much as I loved Rose, I still didn’t want to hurt Constance’s feelings any more than necessary. She was a good girl, and the only thing she’d done wrong was fall in love with me. Mother had given me sound advice when she’d suggested that Rose and I wait awhile before we went public. Maybe over the summer, Constance would begin courting another, and her heart would be healed. His daughter’s happiness could soften Elijah once again, and all would be right in the community.

I tried to convince myself, but when I looked at Timothy and Matthew and saw the doubt and worry etched on their faces, I knew I was fooling myself. Nothing had gone right ever since I’d first laid eyes on Rose, and I reckoned this would be no different. But I’d try not to worry until something came up. After all, I’d get to be with her tomorrow, and that’s all that I wanted to think about.

6

Rose

“Hold up, Summer,” I said as I stopped and squatted beneath the pine trees.

My stomach rolled, and I tried to swallow down the nausea. It didn’t work. Hot juices rose in my throat, and I threw up. My body heaved, and I clutched my stomach when the spasms didn’t stop.

“Here, let me get your hair out of the way,” Summer said, kneeling beside me. She rubbed my back and murmured soft words that didn’t mean much to me. I just wanted the bubbling feeling in my gut to quit.

The week after I’d discovered I was pregnant, I’d felt perfectly fine and decided that the pregnancy thing wasn’t so bad. I had even been able to pretend in my mind I wasn’t pregnant, that maybe all the tests had been wrong. When I’d said as much to Summer, she’d laughed and told me to wait awhile, I’d be feeling it soon enough. She’d assured me that she’d seen it happen to her stepsister and another girlfriend firsthand. Then, bam, yesterday morning the sickness had hit with the force of a raging hurricane. It didn’t just happen in the morning, either. The rocking in my belly and throat had been almost constant since it began.

Finally, after another minute of gagging and spitting up yellow liquid that must have come from the pit of my empty stomach, I sat back against the tree trunk.

Summer handed me a tissue from her pocket and said, “Somehow, you’re going to have to pull yourself together or Noah will know for sure.”

“How? I can’t go an hour without being sick. He’ll see right through me.”

Summer placed her hand under my chin and forced it up. I looked into her bright green eyes and calmed instantly.

“Now, you listen to me, Rose. You’re a strong girl. You can do this. I have faith in you.”

“No, I can’t. He’ll figure it out...and then what’ll I do?” I sniffed back the tears that were almost falling again.

Summer’s strawberry-blond hair bobbed on her shoulders as she shook her head. “You and your baby’s entire future depend on this. Noah can’t find out about the pregnancy until you’ve made up your mind for certain what your future is going to be—Amish or English.”

“I want to be with Noah. I don’t care where we live.”

Summer’s voice was harsher than usual, and I gazed at her, wishing that I wasn’t pregnant at all.

“A week ago you told me and Sam that you didn’t know what you wanted. You told us that you had reservations about raising your baby Amish. Don’t go changing your tune now. If Noah isn’t willing to go English to be with you, then why should you give up everything to be with him?”

The shadows under the trees were growing, and I shivered as the cooler air settled beneath the green canopy. Summer had a very good point, and my head agreed with her...but not my heart. Now that I was having his baby, I wanted to be with Noah even more. I needed him to help me through this. He’d probably be fine with the pregnancy. But then why was there still a tickling of doubt deep down inside me? What had changed?

“All right, you might be happy enough marrying Noah and being Amish, but what about your child? Will he or she? Maybe there will come a day when that little person growing inside of you will be mighty upset at the choice you made.”

The fixed line on Summer’s mouth proved how serious she was, and maybe she’d hit the matter on the head. Could I really make such a decision for my child? Was it even fair?

“You might be right— Here, help me up.”

Once I was standing, the queasiness settled for a minute. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again the forest came into sharper view. The sun was low in the sky, and I realized that we didn’t have a lot of time.

“Do you have any gum left?”

“Sure do.” Summer pulled the pack from her back pocket and handed me a piece.

I turned and started up the barely recognizable path. Summer came up beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.

I continued walking and didn’t look her way. “Yeah, I’ll survive, but I’m not making any promises. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell Noah about the baby.”

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Summer nod wearily in acceptance.

When we reached the boulders, Summer climbed onto the nearest one and sat down.

“What are you doing?” A shimmering of panic spread through me as she gazed down at me.

“You’re on your own with this one. It’s your life.”

“That’s it—you’re going to abandon me now?”

“I’m doing no such thing. I’ll be sitting right here when you’re finished.” She paused and glanced away, then back again with more compassion. “I don’t want to make you do something...or not do something that you’ll regret later. It’s your life and you have to decide. Neither Sam nor I can tell you what’s best for you in this mess you’ve gotten into.”

“There probably isn’t a best thing to do.”

I sighed.

“Probably not.”

Without glancing back, I moved past the giant rocks and picked up speed as I pushed through the last of the branches and brush. My belly was calm, and with a sudden longing to be in Noah’s arms, I hurried across the clearing and up the rickety old porch steps.

When I opened the door, the darkness inside was complete. There wasn’t even a cheery fire to greet me.

“Noah, are you in here?” I whispered into the blackness.

The silence chilled my insides, and I zipped up my jacket. After a few seconds of hesitation and looking over my shoulder as twilight descended on to the forest, I walked in, using my hands to feel the way to where I thought the chairs would be.

I sat down on the first one I bumped into and folded my arms tightly around me. Goose bumps spread along my skin, and I shivered again, sucking in a breath. Could Noah have forgotten me?

My insides tightened at the thought as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Several of the chairs and buckets were turned over and lying haphazardly around the floor. The fireplace had a few old ashes in it and no fresh logs beside it. It dawned on me that no one had been in the ramshackle cabin since the time I’d been here with the girls many months before.

Thinking back to that night, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d whacked Timmy in the head with a two-by-four when he’d snuck in on us. Noah had been so surprised to see me. He’d hugged me until it almost hurt. But, oh, how wonderful it had felt. That was when things were easier. I’d just joined up with the Amish and had been learning their ways. What a gift it had been that the others had arranged for me and Noah to be together.

I’d still been a virgin then—and that’s just the way Noah had wanted to keep me, until our wedding night. Now it was gone forever. One night of passion after we’d been kept apart for so long by our families, we’d let ourselves go, and here I was pregnant.

My head began pounding, and I clenched the sides with my hands. Do I tell Noah?

“Rose?”

His whisper pierced the cold, dark night air. I sniffed back the tears and stood up.

“I’m here.”

A second later he had me in his arms, right where I wanted to be. The warmth of his body pressed against mine, and the scent of horses and leather on his skin made me melt against him. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. For the first time in a month I felt safe again.

I couldn’t lie to Noah. I loved him too much.

“I thought you said Summer was coming with you,” he said in a sharp voice that brought me from the fog.

“She’s at the boulders. I think she wanted to give us some privacy.”

He nodded and relaxed. “That makes sense.”

He sat down, guiding me to his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared at the little I could see of his face in the darkness.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up,” I said softly.

He took a breath and said, “The singing was canceled, and some of the adults had a meeting. Father was tied up there, so I took Mother and Naomi home before I could make it out here.”

“What kind of meeting? I don’t remember the singing ever being canceled before.” Uneasiness spread through me, and I sat up straighter.

“Never has been as far as I recall, but there are some important issues that needed discussing, I reckon.”

He said the words in a nonchalant way that pricked my interest all the more. Telling Noah about the pregnancy could wait a few minutes. I had the odd feeling that the special meeting had something to do with me. I pressed my hand on to his chest to hurry him along with the news.

“Well...Elijah Schwartz isn’t very happy that I’ve called off the wedding to his daughter. He’s making things difficult for me and my family.”

My inner lioness rose, and I blurted, “What’s he doing?”

“Nothing yet—the meeting will give us a better idea of how far he’s willing to take the matter, but you don’t need to worry your pretty head about it.”

He stopped talking and brought his mouth against mine. The feel of his lips distracted me, but not completely.

I broke away from the kiss and said, “Have you talked to Constance?”

“No, she wasn’t at church service this morning. I haven’t seen her since our fathers spoke.”

The way he said the words, like he was feeling bad for her, made me suddenly jealous. After all, he had asked the girl to marry him. He must have really liked her to do such a thing—and he must have kissed her. I closed my eyes quickly, trying to erase the image that made me suddenly feel sick again.

Swallowing carefully, I said, “Let’s just forget about her for now. There’s something more important we need to talk about.”

Before I could continue, Noah hugged me tightly, pressing his face against my chest. His voice was muffled when he said, “Yes, we certainly do.”

He pulled back, and with moonlight shining through the doorway, I could see his face better. His mouth was smiling and his eyes were content.

Gathering my courage, I opened my mouth to speak, but he placed his finger on my lips and shushed me.

“I’ve got it all figured out. My folks support us getting back together. They’re going to give us a couple of acres on the far side of their property that we can build a small house on. The adjacent land is owned by Marcus Bontrager, and he’s willing to sell about twenty acres, so we’ll have that option as time goes on.”

“But, Noah...”

“Hush now, and listen. Now that you’re back in Meadowview, we can arrange meetings like this. It won’t be so bad if my parents are in agreement. Your father is gone most of the time, anyway. But, Rose, there’s one little hitch to the plan that I’m going to need your help with.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Wait. That’s all, wait. We need some more time to make this happen. Father and Mother think we need a while to announce our engagement. If we do it straightaway, it will enrage Elijah all the more. I understand their worry. It would be unfair to Constance for us to be formally together so quickly.”

Without breathing, I asked, “For how long?”

“Until after your birthday—what’s that, about six months away? It will give Father enough time to iron things out with the Schwartzes, and maybe Constance will have a new beau by then. I’ll continue to work and save money to start our life together. Your father will be thrilled that you’ll be finishing up your last year of schooling, and he won’t have any reason to think that you’re going to become Amish when you’re legally an adult and marry me. It will work out perfectly this way.”

The intensity and speed of his words beat into my head as I repeated them over again in the silence. Wait six months—it was impossible. Anger rose in me.

“So you’re okay with us being apart for that long, having to put our lives on hold once again to accommodate everyone else—and now Constance?”

“Don’t go getting jealous. What I’ve done to her is terrible, and I can’t just go on without taking her feelings into consideration. It would be wrong to do so. Besides, I just listed off all the reasons it’s in our best interest to wait. For once we need to follow the course of patience and faith, Rose. We’ve made such a mess of things in the past. Let’s do this the right way and begin our life together in the best light.”

My heart was breaking. Now, even Noah was keeping us apart.

When I didn’t speak, Noah’s voice came out quiet, his words apprehensive. “Unless, there’s some other reason to hurry things along? Is that the case, sweetheart?”

I heard Summer’s voice in my head, and then I thought about Noah’s desire to protect Constance and her feelings. The fact that the community seemed more important to him than me woke me from the deep sleep I’d been living in for the past week.

Noah didn’t want to hear the truth. He wouldn’t be happy to know that his well-laid plans were about to go up in smoke. For the first time I had an excuse to lie.

“No reason at all.”

As Noah tilted my chin and began covering my face with featherlight kisses, I sighed and let him love me.

At that moment, I felt no guilt, and I wondered if that was even worse than the lying part.

7

Sarah

As I untied Juniper, I felt the tingle of being watched and turned to look around the dark interior of the barn. When Micah stepped out from behind the wooden post, I wasn’t surprised. His brazen behavior was getting worse, and secretly I loved it.

He smiled and said, “Do you need any help hitching up your horse?”

Unable to keep my foot still, I pushed at the shavings on the ground with the toe of my black shoe. “Thank you very much, but I’m fine.” I placed my attention back on Juniper’s head.

“I knew you’d refuse me.”

Catching the slightly raised pitch of his voice, I glanced back and met his green-eyed stare.

Lowering my voice, I said, “You really must stop this.”

“Why?”

“We’ve already gone over it. It’s better if we don’t talk anymore, because of the situation brewing between our families.”

“You didn’t pay any attention to Edwin during volleyball. What does that mean, then?”

I sighed. Micah was so different from Edwin. If I didn’t make eyes with Edwin or start up a quick exchange of words, he was too shy to approach me. I had to do all the work or nothing would ever get done with the boy. Micah was the opposite. He was forward to the point of rattling my nerves.

“Again, it’s none of your business what happens between me and him. I wish you’d just leave it be.”

“I caught you looking at me several times during the service.”

My face reddened with the heat that suddenly flamed my cheeks.

“I only turned your way because you were so rudely staring at me. I’m surprised the entire community didn’t notice.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad if they did.”

“You’re being silly. Please excuse me while I take the horse to the buggy.”

Shocking me, Micah blocked the back of the stall. If I continued to nudge Juniper in that direction, he’d get trampled.

“Why isn’t Noah assisting you? Where is he, anyway?”

I wasn’t supposed to know where Noah was, but deep down I had my own suspicion why he’d hurried off to take Mother home, completely forgetting about me and Rachel. After listening from behind closed doors several times this week, I was fairly certain Rose was involved.

Part of me was happy for him, knowing in my heart all along that she was the girl for him—even though she was born English. But I also feared the trouble that would be stirred when it came to pass.

“Since my father must attend the meeting called by yours, Noah took Mother home. Now if you’ll kindly step aside, I’ll be on my way, too.”

He stepped out of the way and motioned widely with his arm. I ignored the frown on his face as my heart raced. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him longer, even if it wasn’t the most pleasant kind of talk. As much as I tried to push Micah away, I felt myself growing closer to him each time we came together.

“Thank you,” I muttered, not looking up as I passed by him.

Before I cleared the doorway, he raced up behind me and tapped my shoulder. His touch made me catch my breath, but I stopped and glanced back, anyway.

“Wait. There’s something I want to give you. It isn’t much—I made it the other day when I had a little free time.”

He handed me a soft, tan strip of leather. When I turned it over, I gasped as I read the engraving of my name.

“It’s a bookmark,” he said quietly.

I looked up and met his gaze. When he smiled and shrugged, my heart melted, and I knew that I was lost to him. All the anxiety I’d carried before vanished. As if my eyes were opened for the first time, I saw the young man before me...and I knew he was mine. The contentment that filled me was sweeter than honey, and I returned his smile.

“Sarah, what are you doing?” Jacob’s voice boomed from the barn opening. I quickly tucked the leather beneath my apron and tugged on Juniper’s reins. Micah moved swiftly by without looking at me or my oldest brother and left the barn.

“What was that all about?” Jacob said as he stepped in front of me. His eyes flashed accusingly, and I was suddenly angry.

“Only me getting Juniper ready to harness—there was no need to startle me so.”

“I’m not blind. I saw that you were talking to Micah.”

“And what if I was? It isn’t against the rules to say hello to someone passing by in the barn, is it?”

Jacob smoothed the small amount of hair on his chin down in a movement very much like Father before he said softly, “I’m not giving you a hard time, Sarah. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Whatever makes you think that I’ll get hurt?”

“Elijah Schwartz will never allow one of his sons to become involved with a Miller. Not after what Noah did to his daughter. There are too many other eligible young men for you to court around here. Don’t go after something that is only going to cause you grief. Take the lesson learned from Noah and his disastrous choices.”

From somewhere deep within me, defiance grew, and I met Jacob’s stern gaze. “My situation is nothing like Noah’s. There is no reason that our heavenly father would work to keep Micah and I apart if we chose to be together. We share the same faith, beliefs and community. Elijah Schwartz has no right to interfere.”

The smile that rose on Jacob’s face was unexpected. “You looked a whole lot like Father when you said that.” Chuckling, he took the reins from me and turned to take Juniper to the buggy. As he walked away, he said over his shoulder, “I reckon Elijah might have met his match.”

How did I go from not wanting anything to do with Micah Schwartz to defending a relationship that hadn’t even begun with him to my oldest brother, and all in the matter of some minutes?

I didn’t know the answer, but for the first time I was the one in the family having some excitement.

And, I liked the feeling a whole lot.

8

Sam

I set the bowl of ice cream down to answer the door. Who the hell would be knocking at this late hour? I wondered. When I looked out the window and saw that it was Hunter, I relaxed and opened the door. With Rose’s situation, I was always ready for the worst.

“Hey, bro, what’s going on?” I asked Hunter as he slid past me to stand in the foyer.

“Is Rose home?”

I ran my fingers roughly through my hair while I quickly thought of an answer. I certainly wasn’t going to tell him that she’d been knocked up by Mr. Suspenders and was off on some sneaky liaison with him that Summer had hatched. No, the less Hunter knew, the better, but I was still majorly bummed that things hadn’t worked out between him and my sister. Hunter was a good guy, especially now that he’d quit drinking.

“She’s out with Summer, doing some girl thing.”

“Do you mind if I hang around for a while and wait for her?”

He didn’t exactly sound like he was begging, but his eyes were for sure. Damn, under the current circumstances, having Hunter in the house when Rose returned could be a national disaster in the making.

“Uh, man, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. She just got home last night and she’s still settling in. You know how temperamental she is.”