Pawn

Benjy was right, though; I wasn’t stupid. I could do complicated math problems in my head, recite stories and poems and talk about what they meant—I just couldn’t make sense of written words. If the tester had bothered to talk to me, she would’ve seen that. Maybe I didn’t deserve a VI, but I didn’t want a VI anyway. All I wanted was to prove I wasn’t a waste.

A long moment passed before Benjy broke the silence. “She was assigned to Denver.”

Nina released me. “That’s halfway across the country,” she said, stunned.

In other words, I would never see Benjy again if I got on that train. My resolve hardened.

“Tabs is stopping by this afternoon,” I said, clearing my throat. “I’m going to talk to her.”

A muscle in Benjy’s jaw twitched. “I can’t do this,” he said, glaring at a spot on the floor. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Setting the spatula down on the counter, he walked away, and the soft click of the kitchen door made me wince. I watched it, willing him to come back, but the door stayed shut.

“He’ll come around eventually,” said Nina as she went back to mixing. “Don’t you worry.”

“I hope he doesn’t,” I mumbled. “It’d be better for him.”

“None of that,” she said. “You need to focus on what you’re going to do, not how Benjy feels.”

“I’m going with Tabs,” I said, perching on the edge of the worn countertop. “It’s not a bad life, and she seems to like it.”

“Tabs is Tabs. That life might suit her, but that’s not the kind of trouble you’re built for. And don’t let her fool you—it’s a hard life. It might have its perks, but the things you give up...it isn’t worth it. Not for you.”

“What would you know about it anyway?” I said, trying to snatch an apple from the fruit bowl. She slapped my hand away.

“I know enough to be sure you’d be better off in Denver than sleeping with strange men.”

My stomach clenched uncomfortably. “Tabs said she doesn’t have to do it that often. It’s mostly going to parties and clubs and stuff.”

“Yeah? Did Tabs also mention that for recruiting you, she gets a cut of your pay?”

I blinked. “She never told me that.”

“Of course she didn’t, dear. And of course she’s going to pretend like it’s a good life. It’s hers, and she’s in too deep to walk away.” Nina touched my cheek with her flour-covered fingers. “Misery loves company, Kitty. Maybe she’s telling the truth and most of it isn’t so bad. But some of it will be, and those men will never see you as a person, not the way Benjy does. Not the way I do. You deserve better than that.”

“I don’t deserve anything,” I said. “I’m a III.”

“You’re more than the mark on your neck, and you damn well know it,” said Nina. “It might feel like a death sentence, but you’ll see soon enough that you can have a good life no matter where you’re ranked.”

“Easy for you to say,” I muttered. “You’re a IV.”

“And look at me now.” She gestured widely. “Cooking dinner for forty children who never have enough. What a grand life I lead.”

“Oh, please. You love it. You love all of us.”

“I do.” Her voice softened. “But because I love you, I feel it every time you hurt and every time you’re disappointed. I understand how upset you are, Kitty. But it’s your life, not the government’s, and you can make something of yourself no matter what they tell you.”

I stared at my hands and picked at a ragged nail. I wanted to believe her. I did. But how could I when everything was a mess? “Benjy’s going to hate me for doing this, isn’t he?”

“I don’t think that boy could hate you even if you killed him,” she said. “Though if you get yourself killed, I suppose he might hate you for that.”

I frowned. She was right. Of course she was right, which only made the unease in the pit of my stomach grow. “I did something stupid today.”

“Stupider than usual?” she said, but there was a hint of amusement in her voice. At least one of us thought this was funny.

“I tried to steal an orange from the market,” I said. “A Shield caught us, and we ran. I told him my name, so he knows I’m an Extra.” All Extras—second children of IVs and below, who were only allowed to have one—had the last name of Doe. Benjy did. Tabs did. Even Nina did. And because most Extras were sent Elsewhere when their parents couldn’t pay the fine, there were only a few group homes scattered throughout D.C. Nina’s was the only one within five miles of the market.

“I doubt he’ll come all this way for an orange,” she said as she tapped her spatula against the side of the bowl. That was what I loved most about Nina: she’d heard it all, and nothing any of us threw at her ever surprised her. “You know, once upon a time, everyone could walk into a market and buy anything they wanted.”

I snorted. “Fairy tales start with ‘once upon a time,’ Nina.”

“It was a fairy tale of sorts, but that didn’t make it any less real,” she said, lowering the bowl to focus on me. “It’s frightening how much things change in seventy-one years.”

“Yeah, and in another seventy-one, they won’t bother giving IIs and IIIs jobs,” I said. “They’ll take us out back and shoot us instead.”

“There will always be a need for people to perform menial labor.” She crossed my path to get to the sink and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “The Harts won’t always be in power. They’re flesh and blood just like us. Things will change.”

“Not in my lifetime,” I said, and a chill ran down my spine. Talking about the Harts like this was treason. I had nothing left to lose, but forty kids relied on Nina.

“The world doesn’t exist because you gave it permission,” she said. “Things happen all the time that you and I and every other citizen who trusts the media never hear about, things the Harts don’t want you to know.”

“Like what? If anything important happened, everyone would be talking about it.”

“Not the people who want to live to see next week. The deaths of Yvonne and Jameson Hart, for instance.”

“They died in a car accident.”

“Did they?” said Nina, eyebrow raised. “Or is that what the media told you?”

I eyed her. The prime minister’s wife and elder son’s funerals the year before had been mandatory viewing. Seeing the Harts gathered under black umbrellas and watching the coffins being lowered into the ground—it was the only time I’d ever felt sorry for them. “Are you saying it wasn’t a car accident?”

“I’m saying even if it was, you would never know. But the world is out there, and it understands that the illusion of knowledge and freedom is not the same as the real thing. Eventually it will fade, and there are those who will do whatever it takes to make that happen sooner rather than later.” She set her hands on my shoulders, staring me straight in the eye. “Listen to me, because I will only say this once. You have a choice. You can choose to accept the hand the Harts dealt you, or you can pick yourself up and do something about it.”

“What, like scream and protest and get myself killed? It’d be better than this, that’s for damn sure.”

“If you’re going to shun the role the government gave you and live your life underground, then why not do something to change all of this, as well?”

“Nothing I do will make this better. My rank’s already there, and it’s not going away.”

“It only means something because the Harts decided it did, and we went along with it,” she said. “You are more than the number on the back of your neck, Kitty. Never forget that.”

Never forget that if I’d been born a hundred years earlier, I would never have had to deal with any of this? “I won’t.”

“Good girl.” She patted my cheek. “I trust you not to tell any of the kids about this. Not even Benjy. It’s safer for him that way, and I know you don’t want to get him into trouble. But you’re an adult now, and it’s time you learned what’s really going on. If you want to do something worthwhile with your life, all you have to do is say the word, and I’ll put you in touch with people who can help.”

I hesitated. “Who—”

A loud knock on the door made me jump. Nina wiped her hands on her apron and muttered a curse, and the tension in the air disappeared. “Don’t you dare touch anything,” she said, bustling into the hallway.

The moment she turned the corner, I dipped my finger into the bowl and hooked a gob of dough. It melted in my mouth, and I let out a contented sigh, the weight of our conversation forgotten. My last meal in the only home I’d ever known would include my favorite biscuits. That was a nice surprise. And all I wanted today were nice surprises, not the kind that could get me killed. Maybe once Benjy had his VI and was safe, I would talk to Nina. Right now the only thing I could think about was how I was going to survive the next month.

“Can I help you, gentlemen?” Nina’s voice floated through the hallway and into the kitchen, and I could tell by her tone that it wasn’t someone she knew.

“Nina Doe?” said an authoritative voice. Moving silently across the kitchen, I peeked around the corner, and a gasp caught in my throat.

An official dressed in black and silver stood in the doorway. Beside him, with a deep scowl on his face, stood the Shield from the market.

II

Auction

“Is there something you need?” said Nina briskly to the men.

I pressed my back against the wall and frantically searched for a way out. I could escape through the back door, but there was a chance they’d brought others. Besides, the fence was too high to jump without Benjy giving me a boost, and I’d have to go around the front way anyway.

I was trapped.

“Ma’am, I’m Colonel Jeremiah Sampson. I’m looking for Kitty Doe,” said the official, and I forced myself to take a deep breath. Panicking wouldn’t help. There had to be somewhere I could hide.

My gaze fell on the cabinet underneath the sink, and I hurried toward it. It would be tight, but there was a chance they wouldn’t look there. I slipped inside and closed the door seconds before three sets of footsteps entered the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, but she isn’t here,” said Nina. “May I ask what this is regarding?”

“Government business,” said the Shield, and he didn’t need to elaborate. Nina and I both knew what that meant: a bullet with my name on it. But why was the official in the strange uniform there? Surely the Shield from the market was more than capable of pulling the trigger himself.

The footsteps grew nearer, and I held my breath, keeping as still as I could. My back pressed up against a pipe, and I had to curl into a ball to avoid hitting the sink above me. The chemical scent of cleaner burned my nose, and my heart pounded against my rib cage, trying to get in every last beat it could before it stopped.

The footsteps paused in front of the sink, and I winced at the rush of water when someone turned on the faucet.

“I’m happy to tell her you dropped by when she comes home,” said Nina, her voice distorted from the water, but nearby. She was in front of the sink, blocking the cabinet. Did she know where I was hiding?

“Do you mind if we look around?” said Sampson.

Nina shut off the water. “Since when do you people ask permission?”

Another shuffle of footsteps, this time from the other side of the kitchen. “Nina? What’s going on?”

Benjy. My body went numb, and I groped around for some kind of weapon to use. If they touched him, if they even so much as looked at him the wrong way—

“These men would like to know where Kitty is,” said Nina tartly.

“Couldn’t say,” said Benjy, and his footsteps grew louder as he neared the sink. I heard a light slap of skin against skin. He must have gone for the biscuits. “We got separated.”

“Turn around,” said the Shield, and for one awful moment I thought he was going to arrest Benjy. He couldn’t, though—Benjy was still underage.

“Still as blank as it was an hour ago,” said Benjy. His neck. The Shield was checking his rank. “She’s not stupid enough to come back here, so if you want to find her, I’d recommend waiting at the train station. Or possibly the clubs,” he added. “She’s considering that, as well.”

I opened and shut my mouth, horrified. Did he really hate the idea so much that he was willing to risk me being killed over it?

“Very well,” said Sampson. “Thank you for your cooperation. If you don’t mind, we will have a look around before leaving.”

“By all means,” said Nina. The men’s footsteps echoed out of the kitchen and down the hall, and above me I heard Nina mutter, “Politest bastard I’ve ever met. Is she back there?”

Benjy must’ve shook his head, and she sighed. “Then let’s hope she manages to get out of here before they see her.”

I didn’t announce my presence while the men searched, in case something was going on that I couldn’t see. Occasionally I heard the low murmur of them speaking in another room, and I froze whenever they sounded like they were coming back, but they never searched the kitchen. “Rotten, uppity nuisances,” said Nina after the front door opened and shut, and I knew the coast was clear. “Promise me that when you’re marked, you won’t turn into one of those VIs that thinks he’s better than the rest of us.”

“You mean there’s another kind?” I said.

I pushed open the cabinet. Benjy stumbled backward, and Nina dropped her spatula on the floor.

“You were in there the whole time?” said Benjy, and I nodded. “How did you fit?”

“I’m flexible,” I said. “I need to get out of here before they come back. Tabs said she’d be here by the time the kids got home.”

I gave Nina a kiss on the cheek and headed into one of the two large rooms filled with bunk beds that the forty of us shared. Benjy stormed after me, but I resolutely stared straight ahead.

“Kitty— Kitty. You had this planned before today?” He took me by the elbow, and I spun around to face him.

“Yes,” I said hotly, wrenching my arm away from him. “Because unlike you, we don’t all have superbrains to fall back on.” I hurried to my bunk, where my half-empty duffel bag sat waiting for me. I thought I’d be taking it into a better part of the city that evening, not Denver, and certainly not the club where Tabs lived. But I’d planned for the worst, thinking that when she arrived to pick me up, I’d tell her that I wouldn’t be going with her after all. Not this.

“Fine,” he called, disappearing into the boys’ bunk. Half a minute later, he appeared in the doorway holding his backpack. “I’m coming with you.”

I shoved my shirt into my bag. “What are you going to do in a club, Benjy?”

“We’re not going to the club,” he said. “We’re running away.”

“No, we’re not. I’m not going to let you do that to yourself.”

“I already told you. If you only earned a III, there’s no hope for me.” He grabbed a sweatshirt I’d borrowed from him and stuffed it into his backpack. “You’re just as clever as me and you know it.”

“No, I’m not,” I said, my face burning as I struggled not to cry. I hadn’t cried in years, not since Tabs had gone underground and we hadn’t heard a word from her for six months. By the time she’d finally waltzed back into our lives, I’d convinced myself she was dead in a ditch somewhere. “Either way, you can read.”

Before today, I’d managed to get by all right. Benjy had attempted to teach me to read for years, and while I could recite the alphabet, words didn’t make sense to me. We’d been seven when Benjy had taken pity on me after our teacher had mocked me for not being able to spell my own name. He’d been there ever since, shielding me again and again. He even had two kinds of handwriting: his own and the handwriting he used on my homework when he wrote down the answers I gave him. But this wasn’t something that Benjy could protect me from, no matter how hard he tried.

“Come here,” he said, and I walked into his open arms. He ran his fingers through my hair and stood there silently, and I refused to let myself cry. It wouldn’t solve anything, and the last thing I wanted was to let Benjy see how upset I really was. As long as I pretended to be strong enough to take this, I would have a way to keep him from doing something stupid.

“You can’t go with me. I’ll be okay,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. I wished I could believe my own words.

“I would rather have you and no mark than a VI and lose you,” he said. “I don’t care if it means we’ll be hunted. I won’t let you go.”

I took a shaky breath. “Please don’t do that to me. Don’t make me be the reason your life is ruined. You won’t lose me, I promise. I’ll come see you every day, and when you turn seventeen, you can take your test, and then we’ll both be okay.”

“You’re my girlfriend,” he said roughly. “I don’t want those pigs touching you.”

“I’m not exactly happy with the idea, either,” I said, rubbing his back. “But I won’t let Nina risk the kids by hiding me, and I’m not going to Denver.”

“Can’t you see if they’ll place you in a position here?” said Benjy.

“I already asked when I got my assignment. They said—they said Extras from D.C. who score low always get placed in other cities. The Heights are too crowded, and we don’t have any family holding us here.”

“Yes, you do,” he said. “You have me.”

I swallowed hard. “They don’t care. They said I’m lucky I wasn’t sent Elsewhere when I was little, and I should take what I can get. I’m not going, Benjy. I know you think it’ll be better, but it can’t be. Not without you, okay? And Tabs is my only option.”

He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and traced an invisible pattern around my navel. “There has to be another way.”

“If you can think of something, I’m all ears.”

He kissed me, his lips warm against mine as he gently nudged me backward onto the bed. “Maybe, before you go...”

I sat down on the edge of my bunk, but I set my hand against his chest, holding him at a distance. “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Tabs said they’ll take better care of me if we’ve never...” I trailed off.

“I should be your first,” said Benjy, sitting beside me and lacing his fingers in mine.

“And you will be.”

“No, I won’t. Not if you go with Tabs.”

I shook my head. “They won’t count. They will never count. It’s just you, and it will always be just you, okay? You’ll be the first I love and the only one that ever matters.”

He rested his forehead against mine and squeezed his eyes shut. “If something happens to you—”

“That’s what the club’s there for,” I said. “To protect me.”

“They didn’t do a very good job with Tabs.”

“Tabs does extra stuff on the side,” I lied. “I’ll be okay. It’s one month, and then it’ll be over, and it’ll be me and you for the rest of our lives, okay? Maybe no one will even want me.”

Benjy gave me a look, his eyes rimmed with red. “If they don’t want you, they’re crazy.”

I kissed him again, this time chastely. “Just forget about this part and think about what it’ll be like when you get your VI, okay?”

“I can’t,” he said, his voice breaking. “It isn’t fair to me, Kitty, and it isn’t fair to you. I love you, and nothing will ever change that, but I can’t sit here and do nothing while they—while they—” He shook his head, and the cords in his neck strained. “I can’t.”

“Then don’t,” I said, my chest tightening. “If it’ll make it better—”

“Nothing is going to make this better. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”

“I know,” I whispered. “But I have to. And by the time it’s over, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here. Go anywhere we want. You’ll have your pick of assignments, and we’ll never have to worry about any of this again. Until then...” My mouth went dry, and I tightened my grip on his hand. “Until then, I think we should break up.”

Benjy stiffened beside me, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.

“You’re right,” I said. “You deserve better than this. Better than having me as a girlfriend. Better than having me ruin your life. So—let’s not anymore. Not until it’s over. When you’re a VI, if you still want me...”

“I’ll always want you,” he said, and he looked at me, his face red and his eyes filled with tears. “I will always want you no matter what rank I am, no matter what rank you are, and no matter what you have to do to survive.”

I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Then when you’re a VI, you can choose me. But you deserve to have that choice in the first place. So—so I’m giving it to you.”

“By breaking up with me.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.

“Until you’re ranked. And then you can choose what kind of life you want. One of us should.”

His shoulders slumped, and he leaned toward me. “Kitty...”

The sharp rap of knuckles against the front door made us both jump. They were back.

Benjy and I exchanged a look. Without a word, he went to shove a chair underneath the doorknob while I grabbed my duffel bag and climbed a bunk to reach the nearest window. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t have the whole place surrounded. If I wasn’t—

“Tabs!” Nina’s greeting echoed through the thin walls. I relaxed and jumped from the bed, landing with a thud.

“It’s her,” I said, trying to reach around Benjy for the door. “I have to go.”

He didn’t move. I tried again, and he still didn’t budge.

“Please, Benjy—this is the only way,” I said. “It’s only a month, and then everything will be better.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” he muttered, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“No, but I know that whatever happens, it’ll be better than going to Denver and losing you forever. Please.”

I set my hand on his and watched him, silently begging him to move. I didn’t want this. If I’d had my way, I would be a IV, and everything would be okay. But I’d failed a single test—the only test that ever mattered—and now I had to face the consequences. And because Benjy loved me, he did, too.

At first he didn’t respond. After a few seconds, however, he gave in and hugged me.

“Come see me tomorrow,” he said. “Wait for me outside the school, and we’ll go to the beach. We’ll swim and watch the sunset and forget this ever happened. Promise me.”

I nodded. If I didn’t, he would try to track me down anyway, and Tabs with her big mouth would probably be more than happy to tell him exactly where I was. “I will. I love you.”

Finally he stepped aside. I gave him a lingering kiss and touched his clenched jaw, and before he could say goodbye, I was gone.

* * *

The night air was cool on my bare skin, and I followed Tabs through an alleyway full of overflowing trash cans and leering men. Now that I was marked, I could leave home after dark, and there was a sense of tension that unnerved me.

Shields patrolled the streets, scanning every face that passed. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and my hair in my face as I followed Tabs, who balanced precariously on stiletto heels that made her bare legs look longer, all the way up to the few inches of skirt she’d squeezed into. I was dressed similarly, but because I was half a foot shorter, the skirt covered me to midthigh. She wore red lipstick and charcoal around her eyes that made them stand out, but I’d refused when she’d tried to do mine. Her dark hair was curled, and it was so long that it nearly touched her skirt. I’d run a comb through mine, but that was it.

“Is this typical at night?” I said quietly as we passed another Shield who kept his hand on his gun holster. “So many Shields and all?”

“Sometimes,” she said with a shrug. “People drink too much and get rowdy. It gets really bad on the weekends.”

“Today’s Tuesday.”

“Whatever.” She eyed me. “You and Benjy didn’t do it last night as some sort of screwed-up goodbye, did you?”

I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”

“Good. It’s easier when you don’t have an angry boyfriend getting in the way.” She stopped at a door and knocked four times. In the moment that passed, she must have seen the look on my face, because she pulled me into a quick hug. “It’ll be fine, Kitty. It’s scary your first time, but there’s really nothing to it at all. You’re not actually afraid he won’t forgive you, are you? Because he will. He’s Benjy.”