Returning to the present, he stood firm, meeting her eyes. “It doesn’t matter where either of us works, so don’t worry about it. If you’re worried about what…happened, don’t. It was a long time ago. Before you and Jacob ever got together, and it was obviously a mistake.”

At the swift look of pain that flashed through her eyes he went back and tried to soften his words. “Let’s just let bygones be bygones.” And like his retirement from the military, it was best if he just kept moving forward.

“Thanks for that, Clance.”

The shortened version of his name made him clench his jaw. Mainly because hearing it on her lips brought back memories that were better off forgotten.

And if he couldn’t forget?

No, he’d grown harder and wiser during his time in the military. And part of that included discipline. The discipline to compartmentalize areas of his life so that they never touched. If he had been able to do it then, he could do it now.

So he forced a smile that was less than sincere and said, “Nothing to thank me for. I’ve moved on. And obviously you have too.”

Up went her chin in that familiar stubborn tilt. Only he wasn’t sure why she’d feel the need in this case. He was giving her an out. And himself as well. There was nothing to discuss. Now. Or ever.

“Yes, I have.” She moved a hand as if to brush a strand of hair behind her shoulder. Except her hair was pinned up with a clip, exposing the long line of her neck. Nervous gesture? It didn’t matter if it was. “Well, anyway, the hospital is very fortunate to have you here. I’m sure I’ll see you later.”

He was sure she would. Only Clancy was pretty sure he’d rather just avoid her whenever possible. But if they were both going to help in the flood-damaged area, there would be no avoiding anyone. They would be working closer than they’d ever imagined possible.

And he’d imagined all kinds of “closeness”… Once upon a time. His jaw tightened. Why was all this coming up again? Was it the shock of seeing her after all these years?

That had to be it.

As she walked away he was pretty sure it was more than that. And that he was doomed. Doomed to dig up things best left in the past. Doomed to sleepless nights of hearing her whisper his name. But there was one thing he wasn’t doomed to do, and that was to dwell on the mistakes of the past.

No matter how difficult that might prove to be.

Hollee punched her pillow for what seemed like the thousandth time and tried to get her racing mind to take a break. God. Why did he have to land at Arlington Regional of all hospitals?

And why did they both have to volunteer for this trip?

She could stay in Arlington, except the thought of pregnant moms not having access to health care wouldn’t let her take the coward’s way out. If she’d stayed the course with being a vet tech, she wouldn’t be in this predicament. She’d loved her old job with a passion, except for one thing. Putting animals to sleep. She’d thought she could get past it with time, but while she had been relieved when an animal’s suffering was finally over, it had been the decisions made for financial reasons that had killed her.

She’d gone home in tears one too many times, although she’d known it wasn’t the pet owner’s fault in many cases. So she’d chosen to retrain, focusing on the human side of health care instead. There were still problems and things she didn’t like doing, but at least people could understand what was happening to them and, for the most part, they could have a say in the decision-making.

Adopting one-eyed Tommie was the last act she’d performed as a vet tech. Glaucoma had stolen the dog’s right eye, but it hadn’t stolen her life. Her elderly owners had turned her over to Hollee, knowing she was the dog’s best chance for survival, since glaucoma in one eye could attack the other at a later date, and they weren’t equipped to care for a blind dog.

Tommie was getting older herself now, but Hollee loved her fiercely. Two weeks away from her was a long time, but Hollee’s mom was going to stay at her house and keep her company while she was gone. And it wasn’t like she’d be in another country. Just a different part of Virginia.

Maybe sensing her turmoil, Tommie chose that moment to hop on the bed and nudge her hand before curling up beside her. She smiled. “You know you’re not going to get away with that when Mom is here.”

She draped her arm over the dog’s side and sighed. “But I won’t tell her if you don’t.”

With that, Hollee finally felt a blessed heaviness invade her limbs, and her mind began to shut down. When Clancy’s rugged face strayed a little too close, she nestled into her pillow, suddenly too tired to fight it off.

How could one person go from hot to so very cold and indifferent? She’d seen it not only in Clancy, but in Jacob too. A couple years after their marriage, he’d seemed to cool, and all the insecurities she’d felt after Clancy’s rejection had returned with a vengeance.

She’d have to work on that problem after she’d gotten some rest.

Maybe then she’d have the strength to throw all the demons of her past away once and for all.

CHAPTER TWO

HOLLEE RACED DOWN the corridor toward the room at the end of the hallway, skidding to a stop when she saw Clancy heading toward the same door. “Clance? What—?”

“It’s Ava.” His head swiveled toward her, but he didn’t stop walking. “She called when I was in the middle of surgery and said she was on her way. Dammit! I can’t believe she drove herself in.”

Clancy’s sister! She’d actually meant to check on her pregnant friend this week, but with how crazy things had been, she hadn’t gotten a chance. Of course if she had, maybe she would have known that Clancy was headed to her hospital. As it was, she’d only heard that a woman with pre-term labor was being prepped for an emergency C-section, so she’d come to see if she could help. But she’d never dreamed it would be Ava.

Worried he was about to burst into the room and create a scene, she caught up with him and put a hand on his arm. “Stay here. Let me see what’s going on.”

His eyes narrowed. “She’s my sister.”

Which was why she didn’t want him charging in there. He was worried. She got it. But that kind of raw, exposed emotion helped no one.

No one knew that better than Hollee.

“Yes, and that’s exactly why I should go in first. You don’t need to upset her.” Or everyone else. Though she left that part unsaid.

At his brusque nod, she slid into the room, and encountered a chaotic scene. Ava was thrashing around on the bed as two nurses and the attending doctor did their best to quiet her.

“You need to hold still!”

“My baby! It’s too early!” The fear in that voice was almost Hollee’s undoing. But she held it in and went to the nurse who was trying to physically hold Ava down.

“She’s a friend. Let me try.”

“Okay, but put on a mask, she tested positive for influenza b.”

Oh, God. Not good. She took the mask the nurse thrust in her hands and pulled on gloves, then she smoothed Ava’s bangs out of the way, not liking the heat that rose in waves from her forehead. The fever explained some of her agitation. “Ava, it’s Hollee. Can you look at me?”

“Hollee?” Her demeanor changed almost instantly, and she sagged against the bed. “What’s happening?”

She, Clancy, Jacob and Ava had all been so close back in the day. She and Ava were still friends, but Hollee avoided talking about Clancy. And when Ava had made passing comments about where he’d been currently stationed, Hollee had just smiled and nodded, then changed the subject. Her friend hadn’t mentioned him leaving the military. Of course, her friend had had other things on her mind.

“The baby’s coming.” Fresh pain speared through Hollee. What she wouldn’t have given to hear those words during her marriage. “You need to let them take you. They’re going to do everything they can for both of you.”

Tears streaming down her face, Ava nodded. “She’s supposed to be my Christmas Eve baby. Please don’t let anything happen to her.”

A promise no one could make.

Hollee stepped back to let the other nurse take over again as an anesthesiologist swept in. “What do we have?”

“Preterm labor secondary to flu. We need to get her into the OR. Do you want to do the epidural here or there?”

“There.”

One of the worst things that could happen to the maternity ward was for the flu to find its way inside these protected hallways.

As if reading her thoughts, Dr. Latrobe grimaced. “We’ll need to follow protocols for disinfecting the ward. I’ve already called it in.”

Hollee needed to let Clancy know what was happening. “Does the baby look okay?”

Latrobe glanced up. “She’s five weeks early, but the baby’s registering some early signs of distress. The sooner we deliver her the better.”

She took that as her clue to get out of their way. She went back to Ava. “I’ll check in on you as soon as I know which room you’re in. Dr. Latrobe is one of Arlington’s finest, so you’re in great hands.”

“No! Don’t leave!”

Fearing Ava was going to start getting agitated again, she said, “Clancy’s outside, and he’s worried sick. I need to let him know what’s going on.”

“Poor Clancy.” Ava’s face flushed with fever. “He had a thing for…” Her face contorted as a contraction hit.

Hollee turned to leave while she could. Peeling off her gloves and mask, she pumped a couple of squirts of hand sanitizer before touching the door. She encountered resistance in pushing it open and found Clancy with one hand on the wooden surface as if he’d gotten tired of waiting.

“You can’t go in there. She has the flu. They’re taking precautions to keep it from spreading.”

“Damn. I asked her to get her flu shot. I thought she did, but maybe not.”

Ava had always been the free-spirited, independent one in their group. Even so, she’d been devastated when the baby’s father had decided he couldn’t do the whole parental responsibility thing. As if to prove that fact, he’d found someone else almost immediately after they’d broken up. “You know about the dad.”

He gave her a searching look before nodding. “Yeah, he made her promises he never intended to keep. He should be ashamed.”

Had Clancy aimed that jab at himself? They’d shared a kiss that had been pretty hot and heavy, but a week later he’d become someone she hadn’t recognized. All he’d said was that the kiss had been a mistake, showing up with another girl soon afterward. And another one a few weeks after that. It had been a slap in the face and had proved that bad boys did not make good marriage material. Even Jacob had commented on the way Clancy had been acting.

While she’d still been stinging from Clancy’s rejection, Jacob had asked her out, and she’d accepted. At first it had been a way to get back at him. But slowly, over the course of six months, she’d realized she and Jacob actually had a lot in common and when he’d proposed, she said yes. She’d loved him, but that spark of passion she’d felt for Clancy had never been there.

At first she’d thought it was because she’d over-romanticized that kiss and the connection she thought they’d shared. That feeling had gotten worse when Jacob seemed to distance himself emotionally. Initially, she’d chalked it up to her imagination. But a year before he died, that apathy had become marked, and her request to start a family as a last-ditch attempt to put things right had been met with a chilly response. She’d been crushed, and a seed of inadequacy had sprouted. First Clancy and then Jacob. Was there something about her that drove away people she cared about?

All but Ava. They’d remained close, but she’d never felt comfortable sharing her problems with Clancy or Jacob with her. Clancy was her brother. And Jacob…well, he’d been one of Ava’s friends too.

In the end, Clancy hadn’t even come to their wedding, something that had hurt both her and Jacob.

The funeral had actually been the first time she’d seen him since getting married. That had been five years ago. It might as well have been a lifetime.

Ava was whisked out of the room and down the hallway, reminding Hollee what was really important right now—and it certainly wasn’t her melancholy thoughts. Or things she could no longer change.

Clancy’s face was a tense mask, and she gripped his arm, the warmth of his skin making her realize how cold her own hands had become. Ava had a big team of staff with her, and Clancy had no one right now, and she ached for him. “Come on. Let’s grab a cup of coffee. And then we’ll sit and wait for news.”

“I want to be in there.”

“You can’t, Clance. You know that. Ava needs to concentrate and so does her team. And the last thing you need is to carry the virus into one of your surgeries.”

“Hell, how did I not know she was sick?”

She smiled. “Are you serious? Ava is one of the strongest people I know. She’s also the most stubborn. ‘Show no weakness’—remember?”

That had always been the de Oliveira siblings’ motto.

The flexing of muscles made her realize her fingers were still clutching his upper arm. She released him in a hurry.

“I can’t believe she didn’t come in sooner.” He dragged a hand through his hair.

“I’ve been checking on her periodically but, honestly, she probably didn’t even realize she had the flu. We get sick, and we wait it out. It’s the way humans are geared. She had a pretty high fever, which is probably what triggered labor.”

He leaned a shoulder again the wall. “She wants this baby. Despite everything.”

“Of course she does.” Hollee would have too, had the situation been reversed. But it wasn’t. She swallowed away the sudden lump in her throat and inclined her head to point down the hallway. “The sooner we hit the cafeteria, the sooner we can come back and wait for news.”

“Are you on break?

“I actually worked the night shift. I just got off about fifteen minutes ago, but I heard the noise and decided to see if I could help.”

He nodded. “I’m glad you were here. I might have gotten myself tossed out of the hospital before I’d been in town a week.”

“That would be unfortunate. Especially with the Appalachia trip coming up.”

And why had she even brought up the relief mission? The last thing she needed to be thinking about right now were those two weeks. Not when she hadn’t quite figured out how she felt about being there with him.

They made their way to the first floor, and as the elevator doors opened she was met with the hospital’s Christmas trimmings that had gone up in the last couple of days. Three festive trees were clustered to the side of the huge glass entry doors, the sparkle of silvery tinsel catching the light. On the other side stood a life-sized animated Santa, his bag of toys thrown over one shoulder, his head swiveling from side to side as if looking for his sleigh.

Above them, glittery snowflakes hung from fishing line, the climate-control system making them dance.

She’d always loved this time of year. “The hospital does a great job decorating.”

“Hmm…”

The sound was so noncommittal that it made her laugh. “You don’t like it?”

“It’s just different from the places I’ve worked.”

Of course it was. “The military doesn’t decorate for the holidays?”

“They do, it’s just not normally so…” He paused, as if searching for the right word. “So extravagant.”

Hollee looked with different eyes and could see how he might think that. “I’m sure where we’re going, then, you’ll feel right at home.” Then, wondering if that sounded pompous, she added, “It’s not the decorations that make Christmas special. It’s the spirit behind it. Arlington Regional has a lot of children who walk through those doors. And sometimes they need a little bit of hope—a little bit of magic.”

“I never thought of it that way. I guess I’m used to dealing with cynical adults whose deep pockets only give up funds for other things.”

“Things that save lives.” She smiled. “But you’re right. I think it all depends on its target audience.”

If things went as planned she would be here to help out on at least one of the hospital’s “Staff Santa” afternoons in the next couple of weeks, when they handed out gifts in the pediatric ward. It was always fun to see who they got to play the part of Santa. After that, she’d be away in Appalachia, in a town called Bender, for the rest of the festivities, playing a completely different kind of Santa. Two groups so very different but that both needed a shot of hope and happiness.

They arrived in the cafeteria, which was also decorated for the season, boasting small centerpieces on each of the laminate tables. She headed straight for the coffee machine, where she dumped a couple of sealed creamers titled “Mint Fantasy” and three packets of sugar into a cup.

He smiled. “I see you like a little coffee with your flavored syrup.”

“It’s the only way to enjoy it.” She scrunched her nose. “I’ll never understand how people can drink theirs black.”

“Since that’s how I like mine…”

“Okay, so maybe I was being a little judgmental. But for me, coffee is a dessert. Best savored in tiny delicious sips that make you tingle all over. Sweet, luscious and silky smooth.” She closed her eyes for a second, her tongue already anticipating the flavor.

Clancy didn’t answer, and when she glanced up, she found his eyes on her in a way that made her swallow. Oh, God. She’d made her coffee sound almost like…sex.

Strangely, they’d only shared a single kiss but, like her dessert coffee, she could still taste him. That light touch between them had been romantic and sweet and had hinted at things that had made her skin heat.

Their kiss had happened at Christmas too, and she could still remember exactly what had led up to it. Ava had pointed above her at something on the ceiling of her and Clancy’s childhood home with a wink, and when Hollee had glanced up, she’d seen a sprig of mistletoe.

And she had been standing right underneath it. And Clancy… She could still see his mischievous grin. That time he’d kissed her on the cheek. He’d saved the real kiss for later that evening, when he’d driven her home. Only that time he’d been the one holding the sprig. And when their lips had met…

She closed her eyes, suddenly angry with herself for even thinking of that night.

It might have meant something to her, but it hadn’t to him. He’d made that very clear.

It was as if someone had flipped a switch and turned Clancy into a totally different person. He’d still been intense, his loose bad-boy vibe deadly to the senses. Obviously a lot of other women had found him just as attractive. He still was.

When his attitude toward her had shifted, she’d nursed that hurt until it had festered, convincing her that Jacob was the better choice. After all, she felt like she knew him, whereas Clancy had become a stranger. When Jacob had wanted to save sex for their wedding day, she’d been fine with it. But when they’d finally slept together, it had been a huge letdown, and she wasn’t sure why. But she’d loved Jacob and had convinced herself it didn’t matter.

But maybe it had. Maybe if she and Clancy had had let-down sex, she wouldn’t be sitting here now wondering if he would have been as delicious as her coffee.

She turned away, feeling like she was betraying Jacob’s memory somehow. Maybe she’d been guilty of comparing them all along, and Jacob had figured it out. Maybe that’s why he’d changed.

Forget it. She concentrated on pouring and stirring her coffee and snapping on the lid. She should have just gone home, instead of offering to keep Clancy company. Tearing open old wounds was not something she was interested in doing. Especially if it would cause forgotten memories to come creeping back, dragging a matching bag of emotions with it.

“Ready to head to the waiting room?” she asked.

“Yes.” Then he frowned, touching her hand. “Thank you for checking on Ava. And being her friend.”

“She’s always been there when I’ve needed her. How could I do any less?”

“Well, I’m glad you were there anyway.”

“I’m sorry about the father. It was a rough time for her.”

He shrugged. “Mom didn’t even tell me what happened until I came home. I knew she was expecting, but not that he’d run off with someone else while I was still in Afghanistan. Maybe that was a good thing.”

“Will you go back overseas?”

“No. I was ready for a change.”

Something shifted in his demeanor, making her say, “It couldn’t have been easy.” Her glance went back to his face and the separation in his eyebrow. If anything, the scar made him look even more gorgeous, which was ridiculous. A scar was simply epithelial tissue that filled in a wound. It didn’t change who he was.

Or did it? He seemed less carefree than he had ten years ago. Harder in ways she couldn’t quite put her finger on. He was twenty-nine, just two years older than she was. There were no strands of gray in that thick, dark head of hair, but he almost seemed ancient, his frown line carving a deep groove that nothing would erase. She hated to think what he’d seen over there.

As they walked back toward the elevators, Neil Vickers, the hospital administrator, stopped them. “I don’t know if either of you have been in the staff lounge, but I put a sign-up sheet in there. I want to get an idea of how many we have for the Bender trip.” He looked from one to the other. “That is if you two are still interested in going.”

Hollee didn’t hesitate. “I am. I’ll make sure I put my name on the list.”

“Great. FEMA has just finished setting up a disaster relief camp. So they should be ready for us by the time our group arrives.”

Clancy hadn’t said anything, and she wondered if he’d changed his mind about going. Neil must have thought along the same lines because he glanced over at him. “How are you settling in?”

“So far, so good. I’ll take a look at the sign-up sheet.”

Hmm, that was rather noncommittal. What happened to all that talk about them both being adults and able to handle situations like this?

If he decided not to go, that would be a relief, right?

“That’s all I can ask,” Neil said.

“My sister is in surgery right now for preterm labor, and my decision has to hinge on the outcome.”

The administrator frowned. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Not a problem. Hopefully everything will turn out all right, and I can join the team.”

Hollee had almost forgotten about that. Of course he wanted to see what happened with Ava and the baby. She felt like a fool for thinking his hesitation had anything to do with her.

She steered the conversation away from the subject, hoping to reassure Clancy that everything would turn out okay. “Do you think it would be all right if I bring some Christmas lights to decorate the tents or wherever we end up staying?”

“I didn’t see anything against that in the paperwork. It might even help morale. We’ve already planned on bringing some small gifts for the kids. They’re going to send me a rough count of the numbers once they get organized.”

“That’s great.”

“Don’t forget to sign up,” he said again, before waving and heading the way they’d just come. Why not? Even Neil had to eat.

“Let’s head right to Maternity,” she said. “I can sign up afterward.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m anxious to see if there’s any word.”

Making their way there, they stopped at the nurses’ station, and the person behind the desk gave them a smile, not even asking what they wanted. “She’s doing well. The baby’s out and being assessed. She’s tiny, but perfect. I don’t think she’s going to need as much support as many born that early.”

Clancy planted a hand on the desk as if to support himself. “Can we see her?”

“Not yet. They’re still closing her up.” The nurse hesitated. “And she does have the flu, so we’re taking extra precautions.”

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