Secret Heirs And A Forever Family

‘I don’t think—’

‘Tell her, Salvatore,’ Maria said quietly, coming into the room behind Allegra. ‘She is carrying his child. She deserves to talk to him. And Signor Vitali…he needs company too.’

With a shrug of his thin shoulders Salvatore pointed upstairs. ‘The top floor. A room on its own.’

Allegra stalked upstairs, her anger giving her a boldness she hadn’t known she’d possessed. A narrow, twisting staircase at the end of the corridor led to a single room on the villa’s top floor, its heavy, oak door shut fast. She knocked on the door hard enough to bruise her knuckles.

After a pause she heard Rafael’s gruff voice. ‘Salvatore?’

‘No. Allegra.’ She turned the handle, gratified when it opened, and walked into the room.

Rafael’s study was spacious, with wide windows on three sides offering stunning views of the mountains. A huge mahogany desk took up the centre of the room, and Rafael sat at it, his eyes narrowed, his mouth compressed.

Allegra planted her hands on her hips as she faced him. ‘If I’d known you were going to imprison me here, I wouldn’t have agreed to come.’

‘Imprison?’ Rafael arched one eyebrow. ‘I’d hardly call this a prison.’

‘I’m serious, Rafael. Since we’ve arrived you haven’t shown your face once—’

‘I have much work to catch up on.’

Allegra hesitated for a second, wondering if she was overreacting. Wondering why she wanted his company so much, why she felt so hurt. Then she took a deep breath and ploughed on. ‘So why can’t I even take a walk?’

Rafael’s nostrils flared. ‘These are simply measures to ensure your safety.’

‘I’m not made of glass,’ Allegra burst out. ‘I’m not going to break.’

For a second Rafael’s face contorted, and then he looked away. ‘You don’t know that,’ he said quietly. ‘Anything could happen, Allegra.’ His voice went hoarse. ‘Anything.’

Allegra stared at him in confusion, her heart twisting at the look of bleak despair on his face. ‘Rafael…’ she asked softly. ‘What is it that you’re so afraid of?’

‘I’m not…’ he let out a shuddering breath, wiping his hand over his face ‘…losing you. Losing our child.’ He turned away, dropping his hand, the set of his shoulders resolute once more, that brief glimpse of raw vulnerability gone. ‘We came close to losing this baby, Allegra, or at least thinking we were going to lose it. Him. I don’t ever want to feel that again.’

She stared at him, wishing she understood more. Wishing she knew how to reach him. ‘You can’t control everything, you know,’ she said quietly. ‘You can’t prevent accidents from happening, or just life. I need to live, Rafael—’

‘You are living,’ he cut her off dismissively. ‘Enjoy the villa and all it has to offer. Lounge by the pool.’

‘I don’t want to spend every day lounging.’

His expression closed up. ‘I really do not know what you are complaining about.’ And with that he angled his body away from her, pulling a sheaf of papers towards him. So she was being dismissed, like some unruly servant. He wouldn’t even look at her any more. This was how Rafael dealt with people. He wasn’t overprotective, he was compulsively controlling. And it hurt to realise she was just a cog to him, something to move and manipulate accordingly. Stupidly it hurt, because she hadn’t wanted to let herself care. Yet here she was, caring. Hurting.

She stood there for a moment, watching him work, seeing the way he’d completely blanked her out. It was as if she no longer existed. His gaze didn’t flick to her once.

She felt the fury rise again, but with it something far worse. Despair. She couldn’t fight this. Arguing with Rafael, just trying to have a reasonable discussion with him, was like battering her head—her heart—against a brick wall. Because now that she was here, now that she’d come into his life and brought him into hers, she wanted more than this. And she had no idea how to get it.

Without a word she turned on a heel and left his study, slamming the door behind her. The loud thwack as it crashed against the doorframe was satisfying even though she knew the gesture was pointless and childish.

She walked downstairs, fury still pounding through her, along with the despair. She wrenched open the French doors to the terraced gardens, causing Maria to bustle in from the kitchen, her expression alarmed.

‘Signorina—’

‘I’m just going for a walk.’

Maria frowned. ‘Signor Vitali—’

‘I don’t care about Signor Vitali.’ Allegra cut her off, wishing it were true, and she walked out of the house.

CHAPTER TEN

FROM THE WINDOW of his study Rafael watched Allegra stride through the gardens, her entire body rigid with affront. He fought the urge to run after her, insist she return to the villa. Keep her safe. He couldn’t control everything, but he’d damned well try. The alternative was unthinkable.

His gaze narrowed as he saw Allegra make her way through the garden to the latticed gate in the high stone wall. He’d forbidden her from leaving the formal gardens, didn’t want her to navigate the steep and rugged mountain terrain surrounding the estate. Cursing under his breath, he saw Allegra wrench open the gate and then stride through the forest, swallowed up by the trees and the dark.

He waited an hour before he went out looking for her, just to show how reasonable he could be. A tense, endless hour when his mind raced with worst-case scenarios and he did his best to stave off the panic he felt skirting the edges of his mind, blurring rational thought. Memories danced like shadows in his mind, of his mother, his sister, his father. Their faces, their words, closed doors, shattered hope.

With a muttered curse Rafael flung open the door to his study. He yanked on a pair of hiking boots and headed outside, the air hot and dusty and dry, the sun beating hard on his head. She shouldn’t have been out in this heat. He didn’t even know if she’d put on sunscreen. And what about a sunhat and proper walking shoes? What if she’d tripped or fallen? His stomach clenched hard and he tasted the metallic tang of fear as he followed her path through the gate, picking up her trail through the broken ferns and grasses along the mountainside. With each step his anxiety grew and his fists clenched at his sides. He felt deep in his gut that something was wrong, that something had happened on his watch. Again.

For a second he could see his mother’s empty eyes, his sister’s wasting body. His father…

Dammit, he couldn’t keep opening the door to all that remembered pain. What was it about Allegra that brought it to the surface? He needed to lock that door tightly, so tightly, before the memories surged around him and he drowned.

He’d been walking for about fifteen minutes, calling Allegra’s name, his voice starting to grow hoarse with panic, when he saw her. She was crumpled up at the bottom of a large boulder, one leg awkwardly angled beneath her, her head lolling back. Her eyes were closed but they fluttered open as Rafael ran towards her, cradling her head in his lap as he said her name over and over again, tears of grief and self-recrimination springing to his eyes.

Her eyes fluttered open and fastened on his. ‘Next you’re going to handcuff me to my bed,’ she murmured. Her face was pale and waxy with a pearly sheen of perspiration but her tiny smile made Rafael’s heart turn over. ‘Just spare me the I-told-you-so, please.’

‘Are you hurt?’ Rafael demanded, his hands shaking as he ran them lightly over his body, looking for bruises or broken bones.

‘My ankle,’ Allegra answered on a shuddery sigh. ‘It’s not broken. At least, I don’t think it is. But I tripped on that stupid rock and went sprawling.’ She pressed one hand to her bump, her voice trembling and her face crumpling as she added, ‘I think the baby’s all right.’

Rafael’s insides felt icy as he bundled her in his arms. She felt light and precious, a treasure he wanted to cling to for ever. The mother of his child. ‘Let’s get you home,’ he said, and, scooping her up, he started back towards the villa.

The trip back to the villa was a blur; Allegra curled into Rafael, resting her cheek against the hard wall of his chest, taking comfort from the steady thud of his heart. The last hour she’d spent trapped in the woods, the trees dark and menacing all around her, her ankle throbbing, had been truly awful. She’d been afraid for their baby, afraid for herself, and she’d cringed to think of what Rafael’s reaction would be. Yet it wasn’t her freedom or lack of it she was worried about, she realised—it was Rafael. Something was driving him to act in so domineering a manner, something dark and desperate, and she feared in her impetuous folly she’d made it much worse.

To his credit, Rafael didn’t lambast her then. He treated her tenderly, carrying her through the woods, and then calling to Maria to bring cool cloths and compresses and tea as soon as they arrived back at the villa.

The doctor came and looked her over, pronouncing the baby well, the steady thud of his heart on the Doppler wonderfully reassuring. Her ankle was sprained and the doctor bound it up and then gave her strict instructions not to put any weight on it for at least a week, which would undoubtedly please Rafael.

After the doctor had gone Allegra fell asleep, grateful to retreat into oblivion for a little while. When she woke up Rafael was sitting by her bed, his head in his hands, his long fingers driven through his dark, unruly hair. The sight of him looking so exhausted, so unguarded made her heart squeeze in a way she wasn’t used to. A shaft of yearning pierced her sweetly, although what she wanted she couldn’t say. To comfort him, perhaps—but would Rafael even accept her comfort? What was between them now? What could be between them?

‘Hey.’ Her voice sounded scratchy and she licked her dry lips. She must have become a bit dehydrated out in the hot sun.

Rafael looked up, his bloodshot eyes widening at the sight of her. ‘You’re awake. Here.’ He reached for a pitcher of iced water and poured her a glass, holding it to her lips.

‘Thank you,’ Allegra murmured, and drank. She scooted up in bed, pushing her tangled hair out of her face as she noted the haggard lines of his face, the bleak set of his mouth. ‘I’m okay, Rafael,’ she said quietly, and to her shock his face crumpled almost as if he might weep. ‘Rafael…’ she whispered, reaching out one hand, and even more to her shock he took it, his fingers interlacing with hers.

‘But you could have so easily not been.’ His voice was a ragged whisper as he clung to her hand.

‘I behaved foolishly,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Rafael shook his head, the emotion reined in now but still visible in the lines of strain on his face. ‘I am the foolish one. You wouldn’t have gone off like that if I hadn’t driven you to it. If I had been more reasonable.’

‘You shouldn’t blame yourself…’

‘But who else am I to blame?’ Rafael returned starkly. ‘I am responsible for you, Allegra, and for our child, whether you like it or not. I cannot shirk or ignore that responsibility. I did once before and I will never do so again.’

‘When…?’ The word was a breath of sound. She realised she wanted, needed to know what drove Rafael. What made him the man he was. She wanted to know so she could understand him, but also so she could comfort him. So she could help. The strength of her own feeling surprised her, but she didn’t back away from it. This was too important. They were too important. At least she hoped they were.

‘My mother,’ he said after a moment. ‘My sister, in a different way.’ He pressed his lips together. ‘I lost them both, when it was my sacred responsibility to care for them. I failed them, failed my entire family.’ He looked away, blinking fast. ‘If I seem too controlling, it’s because I can’t contemplate the alternative.’

Allegra felt tears sting her eyes at the pain she saw in Rafael’s face, heard in his voice. She didn’t understand everything but she knew he was hurting. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, reaching up to brush her hand against his cheek. ‘For all you’ve suffered.’

Rafael closed his eyes, leaning into her brief caress, and then he pulled away. Opened his eyes and didn’t look at her. ‘In any case,’ he said, a stiffness entering his voice, ‘I will relax some of the measures I put in place.’

‘That still makes me sound like a prisoner.’

‘You’re not a prisoner.’ Now his tone was touched with impatience. Their moment of bonding was well and truly over. ‘You’re living in the very lap of luxury. I hardly see any reason to complain.’

Allegra tried to tamp down on the frustration she felt rising again. ‘Don’t do that,’ she pleaded.

Rafael looked startled. ‘Do what?’

‘Change. One minute you’re all solicitude and tenderness and the next you’re acting as if you can’t spare two minutes to talk to me. It makes my head spin. And it reminds me—’ She broke off, biting her lip, and Rafael’s eyes narrowed.

‘Reminds you of what?’

‘My father,’ she said after a moment. She leaned her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. If he’d shared something of his past heartache, then so could she. ‘My father because…because after he divorced my mother I never saw him again, as you know.’ Her throat thickened and she swallowed hard. ‘And before the divorce…he loved me. He acted like he loved me, anyway. He called me his little flower. He tickled me, he tossed me in his arms, he gave me presents and tucked me in at night…’ She gave a trembling laugh and brushed at her eyes. ‘To have his love, to feel so important, and then to be cut off completely…it was awful, Rafael. The worst thing that ever happened to me.’

‘The loss of a father is a very hard thing,’ Rafael said after a moment.

‘How did you lose yours?’

‘He… An accident.’ He looked away. ‘A terrible accident.’

Allegra wanted to ask more, ask about the history between their fathers, but in that moment she didn’t dare.

‘Your father left you that necklace in his will,’ Rafael said after a moment. ‘He must have cared, at least a little.’

‘Yes, but I don’t even know why he gave it to me.’ Allegra smiled sadly. ‘There was a note…he asked for my forgiveness, saying he’d cared more for his reputation than for me. But I don’t understand that at all.’

‘Who can say?’ Rafael answered. His voice was guarded, his jaw bunched. Allegra wondered what he knew and wasn’t telling. Or was she being paranoid?

‘I keep telling myself he really did love me. He must have loved me, but something happened…something that made him act the way he did, cutting us off. But I can’t imagine what it was.’

‘And I remind you of him.’ Rafael sounded cautious and diffident, and realisation scorched through Allegra.

‘Only because you keep changing,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s not as if—You don’t need to worry, Rafael, I’m not going to fall in love with you or something like that.’ She felt herself blush hotly as Rafael jerked back, almost as if she’d slapped him. Clearly the prospect of her falling in love with him was horrifying. Allegra rushed to fill the ensuing taut silence. ‘I’m not looking for love,’ she hastened to explain. ‘I’m not interested… I mean, any…relationship between us wouldn’t have to have that. I wouldn’t want it to have that. I want us to get along, of course, but… I’m not looking for love, not from you, not from anyone.’

She finally, thankfully, managed to make herself stop speaking. Rafael had sat back in his seat, his expression terrifyingly inscrutable.

‘Why not?’

‘Because love hurts,’ Allegra said simply. ‘Doesn’t it? To let someone matter that much to you. To let them hold your heart…because hearts can break.’ She let out a shaky laugh. ‘I sound fanciful, I know, but the truth is I don’t believe that old adage about it being better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’

‘So you’ve never been in love? Romantic love?’

‘No.’ She drew a quick breath. ‘Surely you realised that, considering…considering I was a virgin.’

‘There’s a difference between sex and love.’

‘Yes.’ Although for her she wasn’t sure there was. Her one experience with sex had been far too intense and emotional.

Rafael fastened his resolute gaze on her. ‘In any case, we will have a proper marriage.’

A flush swept over her at the thought of what a proper marriage would look like. Feel like. Could she keep herself from loving Rafael, loving the tender, caring man he could be when he wanted to, if she gave her body to him again and again? ‘I haven’t actually agreed to marry you,’ Allegra reminded him.

‘Yes, but it’s only a matter of time. For our son’s sake, Allegra.’

He was so aggravatingly arrogant. Allegra closed her eyes, overwhelmed by it all. ‘I asked you to give me time to get to know you,’ she said. ‘And for you to get to know me. But we can hardly do that when you hide away in your study all the time.’

‘I’m not hiding,’ Rafael snapped.

Allegra opened her eyes. ‘Rafael, as soon as you’d brought me here you disappeared. I don’t care how busy you are, that’s just rude. And cowardly.’ His eyes flashed fire and Allegra wondered if she’d gone too far. ‘Let’s just spend some time together.’ Surely there was no real danger in that.

Rafael was starting to look seriously uncomfortable. ‘What exactly are you suggesting?’

‘An hour or two every day,’ Allegra returned. That felt safe. ‘Meals spent together. Evenings…some conversation. We had a little bit of that in New York, didn’t we?’ A very little. ‘But you need to stop avoiding me.’

‘I’m not avoiding you. I am a busy man.’

‘Well?’ Allegra pressed, not to be dissuaded. As nervous as she was, she knew she wanted this. ‘That’s all I want, I promise.’

He leaned forward, his eyes glittering. ‘That’s all? Are you sure?’

Allegra’s breath caught because she recognised the look of ferocious intent in his eyes. Of course she did. She also recognised the hot swirl of longing she felt unfurl inside herself, a languorous warmth that was lazy and urgent at the same time, wrapping her up and making her want. Him.

She licked her lips, her throat and mouth turning dry. ‘I’m… I’m not ready for that yet, Rafael.’

‘The doctor said it was safe.’ His gaze roved over her, assessing, probing, demanding.

‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘I know.’ He leaned back in his seat, the heat in his eyes turning to a slow simmer. ‘But think about it, Allegra. It could be very enjoyable for us both. It will be.’

‘I… I know.’ She had no doubts on that score. How could she, when the memory of their one night together still had the power to scorch her? And yet…the memory of the awful afterwards had the power to scorch as well, in an entirely different and unwelcome way. Things had changed between them since then, but Allegra still didn’t trust Rafael—not in that kind of situation anyway. And, she acknowledged, she didn’t trust herself.

Rafael’s mouth curled in a lazy smile as his gaze raked over her once more. ‘Let me know when you are ready. It will be soon, I think.’

She looked away, unable to stand the heat of his gaze. ‘I will,’ she answered shakily, and then wondered just what she had promised.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

RAFAEL STARED UNSEEINGLY at the screen of his laptop as Allegra’s words ricocheted around his head, as they had been for the last three days, since she’d said them. You don’t need to worry, Rafael, I’m not going to fall in love with you.

Words that should have filled him with sweet relief—and they did. Of course they did. But they’d surprised him too, because he hadn’t expected such cold, clear pragmatism from her. Allegra was sensitive, emotional, romantic—whether she realised it or not. And yet she’d stated very clearly, with great certainty, that she would never love him. That she couldn’t. What the hell did that mean anyway? Was that because of her—or him? Because he wasn’t worth loving?

It was a question he hated asking, much less answering. It was a foolish, romantic question not worthy of his time. He should be thankful that his wife-to-be was so sensible. So like-minded. Moodily Rafael shut his laptop and gazed out the window of his study instead.

It was a day of lemon sunshine and blue skies, and he was tired of spending it inside. Tired of mulling over everything Allegra had said.

In the three days since their conversation he’d made an effort to spend more time with her. It wasn’t always easy, and their conversations were sometimes stilted and jarring, but he had to admit to himself he actually liked being with her. Enjoyed hearing her clear, crystalline laugh, seeing her infectious smile. She’d had much sorrow in her life, but she was made for joy. Joy he wanted to give her, whether it was a gift or a touch…or more. But did she want to receive it? Receive him?

Why was he thinking like this?

The sound of crunching gravel had Rafael rising from his seat. A delivery van was approaching the front of the villa, and he knew what it held. A smile touching his lips, he headed downstairs.

‘What is all this?’ Allegra asked as the delivery man began bringing in boxes.

‘Your things,’ Rafael said simply. ‘I had everything shipped from your apartment.’

‘You did?’ She looked flummoxed.

‘Did you think we would leave it behind?’

‘I don’t know. I suppose I did. I knew you were terminating the lease on my apartment.’

‘But I thought you’d want your things around you.’

‘I do. Of course I do.’ She shook her head slowly, smiling at him with a pure radiance that felt like a spotlight on his soul. ‘You can be so thoughtful sometimes, Rafael. Thank you.’

‘Only sometimes?’ he teased. Their banter felt new and fragile, but kind of wonderful too. Allegra’s smile deepened.

‘Definitely only sometimes,’ she teased back. ‘But your rate is improving.’

He laughed, and with all of the boxes brought in Allegra began to open them, exclaiming over everything like a child at Christmas. ‘My books…my cheese plant!’ She looked up at him with laughing eyes, making something in Rafael’s chest expand. ‘I’ve had this thing for years, you know.’

‘It looks like it needs a little water,’ Rafael said, and took it from her. ‘It’s been in a box for days.’

‘Everything came so quickly.’

‘Expedited shipping.’

‘That must have cost a fortune!’ she exclaimed, and he shrugged.

‘I can afford it.’

He took the cheese plant to the kitchen and when he went back to the lounge, Allegra was sitting on the sofa, her cello case in front of her, a thoughtful look on her face. She almost seemed sad.

Rafael propped his shoulder against the doorframe, watching the way her face softened as she opened the case and stroked the buttery-soft wood of the instrument.

‘How long have you had that cello?’ he asked quietly, and she looked up, blushing at being caught out.

‘Since I was nine. My father bought it for me.’

‘Did he?’ Rafael said quietly.

‘Yes…he loved to hear me play.’ She let out a soft sigh. ‘Even when I wasn’t very good, sawing away at it. He’d always clap and say “Bravo.”’

‘Perhaps you’ll play for me sometime,’ Rafael said, and saw her eyes flare in surprise. Then she shook her head with sorrowful but firm decision.

‘No, I can’t.’

Rafael tried to hide the expression of affront and even hurt he feared was on his face. ‘I see,’ he said, unable to keep his tone from turning cool.

‘I haven’t played in almost ten years,’ Allegra explained. She rested her hand on the cello. ‘Not since I was eighteen.’

Intrigued, Rafael straightened. ‘Why not?’

She shook her head, her eyes downcast, and he didn’t think she was going to answer. ‘Because when I was eighteen I auditioned for Juilliard,’ she finally admitted on a little sigh. ‘Or I should say I tried to audition.’ She kept looking downwards as she continued, ‘I’d sent an audition tape, and I was invited in for a live audition, which felt huge. It was my dream, to play music. I’ve taken lessons since I was a small child.’ She bit her lip, and Rafael held his breath, waiting.