Let off Steam, Kazakh-Style

Zhanaydar. I’ll be right back…

Zhanaydar darted into the house. A few minutes later, an enlarged version of the red-headed and clumsy teenager – Alaydar – enters the yard. He’s a stocky man of medium height with a rather big bulging belly. He stops, looking around. It seems that at first he doesn’t notice Komekbay standing at the gate in the shadow of a huge elm tree.

Komekbay comes out of the shadow of the elm tree and heads toward him.

Komekbay. What is the matter with you? Have you got night blindness?

Alaydar. Oh, there you are. Lord forbid! My wife doesn’t have the habit of locking me in a dark barn when I’m hammered, like your wife, Rysty. And night blindness is a disease that occurs in such a dark place.

Komekbay. Dog, do you keep in mind the year of the monkey, huh? By the way, I ended up locked in the barn because of your bitchiness.

Alaydar. What’s up? Alive and healthy? How is your family? Why don’t you come inside?

Komekbay. I can’t, I’m in a hurry.

Alaydar. Okay. Then I’m listening.

Komekbay. (He scratches his head and looks guilty) I have a half-liter bottle. We should…

Alaydar. Do you mean killing it?

Komekbay. Yes, we should… kill it. Heal the battle wounds, if you will… Let off steam a little.

Alaydar. It’s a good idea, but…

Komekbay. Hey, we’re classmates. We live in the same aul. We haven’t seen each other for a long time…

Alaydar. I have so much work to do. Only the fast survive, you know.

Komekbay. Yeah, I get it. But can you spend an hour with me… I have something to talk about…

Alaydar. Komeke, don’t force me.

Komekbay. What happened?

Alaydar. Nietali will come in an hour. There is a van of potatoes. It should be driven to the district center.

Komekbay. Well, you’ll have enough time to do it. (He shows the bag in his hand). We’ll kill it quickly together…

Alaydar. Komeke, are you out of your mind? I’m at the wheel, there are many traffic cops on the road. Do you want them to disqualify me from driving? How will I support my family?

Komekbay. Well, then, call Nietali, tell him that you’ll drive tomorrow. The day before or the day after. Who cares? We’ll get drunk together today. Let’s do it! Like friends do!..

Alaydar. No, Komeke! I can’t break the contract. Moreover, Nietali is one of the honored people of this aul, it’s improper.

Komekbay. (He got angry) Oh, stop licking the boots of this wretch Nietali. He is an insatiable glutton, sucking blood from our aul. Don’t you not know this?

Alaydar. (He is surprised) Hey, Komeke, what’s wrong with you today?

Komekbay. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m the same Komekbay. But there’s definitely something wrong with you all. Alright, good riddance! I’d better be going.

Komekbay leaves. Alaydar is puzzled and watches him go, having no idea what has just happened.

Act second

Scene No. 4

Evening. Komekbay is upset because he couldn’t find a single person in the whole aul who would be willing to drink a bottle of vodka with him and listen to him pouring out his heart. Finally, he returns to his yard. In order not to bother the family, he sneaks into the veranda quietly, opens a large cupboard on the tor* [*Tor is a front part of a room or house], where some kitchen-stuff is stored, takes a flashlight, a two-hundred-gram faceted glass, five or six kurts* [*Kurt is dried cheese], wraps it all up in a newspaper and goes out into the yard.

Then he climbs up the ladder to the roof of the barn located opposite the house, settles down by a haystack piled on a flat roof in the form of a sloping cone to protect it from rainwater. He puts a heap of hay and sits down on its edge tailor fashion. He slowly unfolds the newspaper in front of him in the form of dastarkhan, puts a bottle of vodka on it, a faceted glass, puts five or six kurts, and finds a place for the flashlight, which is turned on. The light of the flashlight scatters darkness and makes everything around look much better. And such preparation creates a romantic feeling of a friends’ get-together in nature’s lap.

Komekbay sits still for a while and thinks “what else should I do?”. Then he decisively opens the bottle and starts pouring the liquid into the glass with a gurgle. Without hesitation, his eyelids drop, his eyebrows bristle up, his Adam’s apple starts moving, and he begins to swallow vodka, while his throat makes bubbling sounds. Afterwards, he takes a piece of kurt from the newspaper and, clenching it with his sharp teeth, crushing it in his mouth, sits distractedly for two or three minutes, as if getting high.

Komekbay. (His mood is improving gradually) There we go!.. There’s something special about this drink!.. Here comes peace of mind and I’m in heaven!.. (He laughs, shaking his head). Eh, my brain starts working! Epic!

And why did I waste so much time begging someone to have a drink with me and drown my sorrow? Here is the thing: if you have vodka, you can drown your sorrow on your own… Ehh, it’s so good!..

Komekbay pours vodka into a glass again. He pours only half a glass this time. Then, suddenly, he seems to come up with a brilliant idea. He jumps up with a joyful look, begins to search for something, scrabbling about in different places of the barn covering. Finally, he finds what he was looking for. These were empty bottles. Komekbay arranges three bottles in a row on the dastarkhan opposite himself.

Komekbay. That’s awesome! (He rubs his hands) We take our seats and look! The show “Letting off Steam” begins!!.....

(He pushes the first bottle with his index finger) Hey, you’ll be the shitty Nietali!.. (The second bottle) And you are the cunning Yermek. (The third bottle) And you are the sneak Alaydar. Now you will have a heart-to-heart talk with me. By the way, do you know what a heart-to-heart talk means? Did you say “No”? Of course, all three of you sit and shake your heads, saying, “we don’t know’. I thought so too. And I know you better than anyone else: you are all rogues who have never read newspapers or magazines, or even looked at them. They are a reservoir of knowledge that has been collected by people for centuries, bit by bit, like nectar is being gathered by bees. But you don’t give a damn. And when all honest people were busy collecting such knowledge and skills, you were only saving up methods of deception and fraud, cunning and cheating, so you could play dirty and derive benefit using them.

Do you say you “watch TV instead? It’s true, I can’t argue – you do watch it. However, silly soap operas and the official fabulous news are the only thing you and your family are devouring with your eyes from the TV screens and enjoy at home. In the evening, lying on the couch, you glance at the TV screen, until you start to snore suddenly. And that’s it. After that, say goodbye till morning, as they say in Germany – “Auf Wiedersehen!”

And why are you staring at me? Perhaps, you think: “Where did this Komekbay learn to speak German?” There was no way I wouldn’t learn German. Your humble servant happened to serve for a year and a half in the ranks of the Soviet Army within the territory of the German Democratic Republic. And one of you served in Saryshagan, which is just a stone’s throw from here, and the other two – in Turkmen Tashauyz. That’s why you couldn’t even dream of such concepts as Germany, Europe, not to mention other ones. Our ancestors Kazakhs called such people “ignorant”. Okay, I won’t call you like that. Nevertheless, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with the fact that everyone in this life should know their place and predestination.

(Komekbay rubs his eyelids with both palms, his eyes start sparkling with excitement). Well then, let’s start a heart-to-heart talk. By the way, I will explain to you, scoundrels, the meaning of this expression. During Mao Zedong regime, there was such a policy in communist China. It was called “A heart-to-heart talk”. And this policy was successfully carried out by the local red guards, the guardsmen of Mao, that is, political activists. And what did they do? They arrested and imprisoned all people who didn’t like the Chinese Red Communist regime, imprisoned them in camps and conducted biased interrogations there. And then these unfortunate public enemies, in quotation marks, took all the blame upon themselves, no matter whether they were guilty or not. They admitted all this to the all the people in all the splendor of eloquence. And red guards lessened the severity of punishment only for those who eloquently confessed their sins and mistakes.

Of course, I’m not a red guard. Therefore, it will be enough for me if you confess only to those real crimes that you committed in this life. Because I’m a person who loves truth and justice, therefore it will be good if you confess to me not like the Chinese did, but open your soul in the purely Kazakh way. Moreover, I’m a kind and merciful person, that’s why, provided that you confess your crimes and ask for forgiveness on your part, it won’t be surprising if I lessen the punishment. Got it?..

Komekbay. (He turns to Nietali). Hey, bastard, you confess to me first. Since you are the most dishonorable, the most insatiable, the most cunning person here, whose roguery is infinite. Well, say it’s a lie! Okay, look up, don’t pretend to be innocent and meek. Like a cunning fox… – you look disgusting to me, I wish you go to hell! Well, confess sincerely!.. Or do you want to say “I’m so ashamed, I can’t find the right words”? Indeed, how can you find the right words? You don’t have a face, it’s two pieces of skin made from the skin of a dead camel!.. Dead skin!..

If you are really ashamed, I will tell you about your dreadful nature. Listen carefully! Not a single person, but me, has been working hard for your partnership the whole summer without rest. Right? That’s true! I plowed the land with my old tractor, planted melons, chopped potatoes, and mowed hay. I also took care of a whole hectare of pumpkins. And now, when the crop is harvested and delivered, how much do you intend to pay me for all this stuff? Only 120 thousand!.. Not dollars, but tenge. And this is the price of five months of continuous work!..

Well, let’s try to calculate. A kilogram of potatoes costs in the market in the regional center, on average, 50 tenge at most. I delivered you 5 tons of potatoes. Therefore, it is as much as 250 thousand tenge.

Melons and watermelons cost 40 tenge per kilogram everywhere. I delivered 12 tons to you. Two multiply by four is eight, four times ten, totaling forty eight. Plus three zeros. How much does it make? 480 thousand.

Now let’s move on to the pumpkins. A kilogram of pumpkins costs 60 tenge. I delivered 6 tons to you. So, here is the sum of 360 thousand. And now all this has to be added up. I have done this a long time ago. In total, one million ninety thousand tenge is obtained.

Well, let’s try to recount it with expenses: for example, half of this amount paid taxes, transportation costs, resellers, to your insatiable greed, all the same, I should get at least 500 thousand tenge. And you are going to give me only 120,000! How can this money be enough to feed five small children until the next summer, a furious woman, roaring like a bear?

And how am I supposed to live? We need to eat every day, we need clothes, I need cigarettes, and I need such a bottle to drown my sorrow from time to time. After all, I’m a human being like you too. Did you think about it?!

Of course you didn’t think about it. Because you got your profit. It’s more than enough. So why would you care about the rest? Hey, it turns out that you are an archrogue!.. What should I do with you?! What?!!

Komekbay takes a glass from the newspaper and begins to gulp vodka slowly. Then he takes one kurt and bites it with his sharp teeth.

Now let’s get to you. (Komekbay begins interrogating Yermek). Come on, say it! Why are you silent, as if you had swallowed your tongue? After all, you are usually such a good spokesman. Or, do you have remorse? And you don’t dare to speak. Anyway, you’ve never had remorse and dignity? You completely forgot what humanity and friendship are, you think only about money day and night, as if you could take them to the other side.

But I had warm feelings for you, they say, you’re my neighbor, you’re my relative. At the same time, you refused to share my sorrow. They say, misery loves company, thought generates thought. You know that eight years ago we moved to Kentup, leaving Ekpindi, hoping that we would return to our family, where we were born and raised. In those days, you were one of the drivers of this aul, who stunk diesel fuel. Say it’s not true! You can’t. But you started to earn money collecting metal. And things started working out. You became a metal collection agent in this aul. And that’s when you began to be vain, right? “Companions”, “companions” – you keep on saying. You exaggerate. We’ll see how these city rogues will help you “succeed”. Okay, the conversation with you will be short, I’ll finish it right now. There’s no point in talking about serious stuff to such a person.

Komekbay takes out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, lights a cigarette slowly, stays silent, following the whim of some thoughts. Then, he tries to focus releasing a ring of tobacco smoke.

Komekbay. Once I finished school, I couldn’t leave my old parents alone in the aul, so I said goodbye to my dream of becoming a journalist. And, since that time I’ve been tied to the rumbling and rattling tractor “Belarus” forever. I lived my whole further life in the aul. Otherwise, who knows, maybe, I would graduate the Department of Journalism of Kazakh State University. And maybe I would work now with fellow students somewhere in Almaty or in Astana. Oh, why didn’t I consider everything properly then?! My parents, my father and mother, died fifteen and seventeen years after my graduation. I could’ve graduated from three universities already. There’s nothing you can do, if you’re a fool! Now all I can do is serving everyone. Needless to say, I would make a good journalist. I have a proof! My essay, written in the tenth grade and published in the regional newspaper, was recognized as the best journalistic work of the year.

Okay, we’ll end this conversation like that. Let’s return to the Kazakh heart-to-heart talk. (Now, Komekbay stares at Alaydar menacingly). Hey redhead, now it’s your turn. Well, proceed to confession, speak frankly, without concealing anything, tell me everything. Just tell the truth, you can’t deceive me, because we studied in the same class, at the same school for ten years. So, if the hidden properties of a horse are known to the owner, your secrets are known to me. So, I see you through! Come on, report! I listen to you very carefully.

Komekbay puts half a bitten kurt in his mouth and begins to chew.

Komekbay. (He stares at Alaydar with angrily) What did you say?! Do you say you can’t find the right words? Of course, why would such a mouth say the right words. After all, almost all your teeth are rotten because of periodontal disease so that there are only black holes. And do you refer to this mouth again and again? Okay, I’ll have to speak for you too. They say: the poor slave must work until he dies, you do what you have to do…

You and I studied in the same class for ten years. Not to mention other things we did together. We went to girls together when we were young. But this was only part of the story. After all, I arranged a marriage for you and the fat woman, who is in no way inferior to the five fat mares that are on a leash in your shed. Back then, she was a fresh red-haired girl with a wasp waist. You probably remember how we kidnapped her. I, your best friend Komekbay, was the one in charge, and I risked my neck. If her parents or relatives had filed a police statement then, I would’ve been in trouble, I could’ve gone to jail. Thanks God they hadn’t done it, and there was a happy end. You probably didn’t forget this, did you?! Of course, you didn’t, because until now I haven’t heard that Alaydar suffers from such a disease as sclerosis.

And what did you do to a friend like me today? I was so ashamed and embarrassed. You came down on the side of my archenemy Nietali. Can you do anything worse to me? Alright, alright, someday I will take revenge. You know that I keep my word.

I considered you to be a true friend. And you haven’t been able to share my grief and sorrow at least once. In such cases, one recalls involuntarily: once, in the past winter, I brought you a cart of hay over ice and snow from Sarybulak, from this edge of the world, without further ado. If I remember it right, it was forty degrees below zero. I still remember that I froze off the edge of one ear then.

And in the year before last, your red-headed brother, fat Zhidebay, who was no different from you, married. And this was the time of the first frost. You were such a scoundrel that you came to me with a request: “I invited my new co-parents-in-law from the city to visit me, and my cattle are all skinny. Can I borrow one of your rams?” I didn’t mind. I had a fattening brown ram in the barn. So I unleashed it and gave it to you. How did I know that you were such a scoundrel. I’m stupid, such an idiot.

Only now I understand that it’s much better to be a friend of the white donkey of my neighbor, old Kaldybek, than being friends with you. Thanks to Kaldybek’s donkey, our children have been transporting water from a distant spring on the edge of the village for two years now and have been drinking it. All the flasks from Kaleken’s and our house can be placed on the arba, in which the white donkey is harnessed. It’s great – our children no longer have to drag shoulder-yokes so far and back. And so I ask: who is our true friend? My classmate Alaydar or this white donkey? Of course, the white donkey. However, we are God’s creatures and we can’t distinguish between a true friend and a liar. We are blind, blind… Only when we get into trouble, we see the difference. However, when the situation changes back, we become God’s creatures again. Actually, it serves our right. Wow, today I poured out my grief and sorrow more than ever, and it became much easier for me to live on. I feel so good!..

I had a true friend in this life. His name was Tursun. If he were alive, today, of course, he would be by my side. He had kind, generous nature. He looked like a paluan* [*Paluan is a wrestler, athlete]. My poor fellow was a good-natured, peace-loving jigit. Unfortunately, ten years ago he died in a car accident. By the way, why am I sitting and chatting for hours, wasting my time on all kinds of rascals and scammers, instead of finding Tursynzhan and having a heart-to-heart talk with him? Wait a minute. I’ll find him and bring him here.

Komekbay, stands up, staggering, and begins to look for Tursyn in the darkness, rummaging around him. In a while, on the other side of the roof of the barn, he finds a wooden tub, bring it to the dastarkhan. He puts the tub in the specified place, pulls a handkerchief from the pocket of the trousers, wipes the dust from the sides of the vessel. Then, he gently embraces it with a genuine expression of sympathy and affection, and continues his long monologue.

Komekbay. Tursynzhan, I miss you very much. You know that in this world there is no one else like you, who could understand me. Now, I feel so lonely. Do you feel lonely there? However, you are a good-natured, noble man. Probably you made a lot of friends there who look like me, so maybe you are not as lonely as I am.

In fact, I want to say something else. I want to say that there not a single person in this aul, except Zibash, can understand me. Most people consider me a jerk, a madman. One of them is my wife, Rysty. My own wife thinks so. What should the others think? That’s why now I’m like a shaman from the past. I sit and confess, and talk to myself. I could have a heart-to-heart talk with Zibash, but, unfortunately, she is not a man. If I try to find a cozy place to talk with her, people will begin to gossip. In addition, my woman sits and rages, saying: “If I see you with this bitch, I will rip off your hair and…”. I guess she can do anything, she doesn’t know how to restrain herself when she’s angry, but you saw something, you know her.

Tursyn, perhaps you will ask: “My friend, what torments you so much, why, what sorrow makes you so bad?” I will say if you ask. The blatant violence and robbery of the notorious Nietali, whom you’ve known for a long time, make me unhappy. Now he is not one of those accountants who once, like an office rat, piled over papers in the office of the state farm. He is a serious head of one of the partnerships. I don’t mind, let him be the boss. However, he turned into a real insatiable glutton. He rips off people in broad daylight. He turns your work to nothing, blood and sweat to dust. He pulls all the strength out of you, and pays little money for it. Well, it happens that you want to be satisfied with this. But you just can’t feed your family for this money. You know that I have children – one is smaller than the other. And after all, there is a sense of justice! Nevertheless, others don’t make a sound, everyone is used to slavish behavior. Everyone caught an infectious disease called “basekism”* [*Ironic derivative from the Kazakh “baseke”, that is, boss]. If Nietali sneezes, everyone starts bowing obsequiously, saying, “Bless you, sir!..” And they don’t want to know anything else. No one cares about God, Justice, Truth. I don’t know what happened to them all, I think it is some kind of contagious disease.

By the way, Tursynzhan, I only talk about myself. And I forgot to ask you: how are you doing there? I mean, on the other side. Are you doing fine? Do you feel well? Do heavenly maidens come with sweet manners and speeches? You all probably walk leisurely in the garden of Eden? There are probably plenty of transparent streams, all kinds of fruits and berries, filled with aromatic juices. Sooner or later, and I’ll get there, save a place next to you for your unlucky friend. At least, I will see the life beauties that I couldn’t enjoy here.

Tursyn, forgive me, I wanted to tell you everything, and forgot to tell you about the most important news. Imagine, right after you departed there – to another world – five or six months later, the Soviet Union collapsed, as if it was waiting for this to happen. Fifteen independent states were formed instead. I know, I know, now you don’t believe me, saying: “Komeke, stop joking like that, it’s impossible!” If I were you, I wouldn’t believe it either.

Somewhere out there, in Almaty or Astana, I don’t remember where, a great writer said: “Yapyray!* [*Yapyray is an astonishment interjection] What are the odds?! I used to think that the mountains of Alatau would most likely collapse, but this red monster named the Soviet Union would never move. It turns out that if there is a will of Allah, then there is nothing impossible in this world.” So now I’m not joking at all. I tell you the simple truth.

You probably understand why I am explaining this to you in detail. Remember, when we were young, you dreamed: “Oh, I wish the Soviet Union collapsed, and the Kazakh state would be formed instead.” We mocked you, said you were a hopeless dreamer. God made your dream come true. Now I will tell you about my dream. To tell the truth, my dream is not that great as yours. It’s a wish. I want Nietali to be dismissed from the position of a director of Akbulak LLP. Don’t be surprised, now I have no other cherished dream in this world.