Reclaiming Her Army Doc Husband

Something like relief floored him. His love hadn’t changed, was as deep, as strong, as ever. Not that there’d been any doubts, but knowing helped, shoved away some of the dread that getting together might make matters worse, not better. Over the days leading up to this moment he’d despaired that they mightn’t talk, wouldn’t resolve anything.

So tell her how you feel.

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Last time he’d said it over the phone she’d gone quiet, then said she had to go and hung up.

He found his voice. ‘We have a lot to sort out, and none of it’s going to be easy, but I’ve missed you badly. More than ever. Seeing you tips me sideways.’ And upside down, all around. He was not giving up without a fight. A hard one. With everything he had.

He’d started and was close to getting a job that involved staying in one place for the foreseeable future, which meant they could buy a house and settle down in Sydney. Try again for a baby. First he owed Vicki an apology. He’d given it more than once over the phone but face to face would go a lot further. She’d see his how genuine he was, not hear it over a bad phone connection.

‘Cole, you’re not making this any easier.’

She was definitely holding back, whereas he’d blurted out how he felt. He didn’t do blurting. His gut churned. She hadn’t reacted positively to being told he’d missed her. Were they really at an impasse? Please, not that. He hadn’t said the three most important words. Should he? Would that break the barriers Vicki was clinging onto? Or would it put her on alert, make her warier than she already was? Because she was fighting to remain cautious. It showed in her rapid blinking, in the way the tip of her tongue poked over her lip.

He had to slow down. ‘We’ve waited months to talk properly. We can wait a little longer. I’d rather be some place with just you, not out front of a medical practice. It feels rather surreal.’

‘You can start by telling me why you’re limping.’

This persistence was new, putting him on alert. He was in for a verbal hiding. And not as prepared as he needed to be. ‘All in good time,’ he said too forcefully, and suffered an unhappy glare coming straight back at him.

So they’d talk about whatever Cole chose, when he chose. ‘How normal,’ she muttered under her breath. From the moment she had sensed his presence she’d been struggling to stay grounded. Her head pounded in time with her heart. Parts of her body alternated between hot and chilled. This was the man she’d sworn to love for ever. It would be too easy to tell him nothing had changed, and then slip her hand in his and ask him to take her away, to forgive her for standing up for herself. But do that and she gave up everything. She’d go back to fitting in with his choices, ignoring her own. So… Deep breath.

‘You’re right. We will talk later. About everything.’ Turning away, she tried to deny the ache in his eyes, worked hard at pretending this would all work out fine. Because it wouldn’t. Cole loved her. She’d never doubted that. The problem was that it was on his terms, which he didn’t recognise, and so she had to fight for her own.

That moment the rain became a torrent, pouring out of the sky as though a massive bucket had been tipped over the medical centre.

Turning back, she tried not to stare at Cole with hunger, or study the adorable face that followed her to sleep every night; tried to deny the heat unfurling in her belly. ‘You’d better come inside while I finish up. You’ll drown trying to reach the pub.’ Cole was right before her, and she couldn’t leap into his arms for fear of never stepping out of them again. She’d missed him so much it hurt with every breath. Somehow she was managing to hold back, fighting against herself for herself. ‘Come in.’

‘Thanks.’ He stepped up behind her, putting all her senses on alert, making her skin tingle with a familiar need.

Pushing open the door, she quickly stepped inside and surprised herself by smiling. This was a temporary job; filling in for a nurse on her final month of maternity leave. She was in familiar territory, with family and friends to call on when everything got on top of her. Since starting to look into start-up plans, the reality of owning and managing an agency hit hard at unguarded moments. This being strong didn’t come naturally. Doubts crept in. Was it worth giving up her marriage to own a business? She’d lost count of how many times she’d told herself that wasn’t what this was all about, that she was looking out for herself. And Cole, if he accepted what she was doing. Because if she was happier then surely he would be too.

One of the practice doctors approached.

‘Vicki, I’ve been listening in on the emergency frequency. There’s flooding north of the city, nothing major at the moment, but who knows what’ll happen if this rain continues to get heavier over the coming hours, as it’s forecast to do.’ Joe paused and glanced behind her.

She turned to make the introductions. ‘This is my…’ Stop. Start again. ‘Cole Halliday—Joe Burrows.’

Grief flared in Cole’s eyes, blinked away as he reached to shake hands with her current boss. ‘Pleased to meet you. I got here just in time. They were talking about closing the airport when my flight landed.’

Joe nodded. ‘I’m not surprised. The reports are getting worse by the hour.’ He looked to her. ‘You’d better get home while you can, otherwise you might find yourselves holed up somewhere in town.’

At least then they wouldn’t be stuck in the house, just the two of them, trying to be friendly while working through the problems they faced. Though hotel rooms weren’t known for their spaciousness. Better the house. More rooms.

‘I’ve still got two patients to come.’ It wouldn’t be fair to leave someone else to cover for her when everyone was anxious to go home as soon as they could.

‘I’ll see to them. If they turn up. The cancellations have escalated since lunch time.’

She couldn’t find it in her to argue. ‘Right, thanks. It’ll be a slow trip as it is. Jack said more people than usual were heading out of town when he and Barbara came in. The schools closed at midday.’ She couldn’t put off spending time alone with Cole any longer. Did she really want to? In all honesty, no. The time had arrived to talk and make some decisions. ‘I’ll grab my gear.’

‘Take one of the emergency kits in case you’re needed to help someone at Palm Beach,’ Joe said, before turning to Cole. ‘You’re a doctor, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, I am, so no issues with administering drugs if required should we get called to an emergency.’

‘Great. If there’s an accident it might be a problem for emergency services to reach the scene in this weather.’

‘There were a lot of frustrated drivers doing some damned silly things on the road in from the airport so anything’s likely.’

Vicki interrupted the men. They were getting comfortable with each other. She didn’t want that. This was her territory and Cole getting cosy only made it harder to keep him at arm’s length. ‘No need to take a kit from here. Dad’s got a full drugs cabinet and the storeroom was topped up with everything you could think of before he and Mum left on their road trip.’ These days her dad ran a small clinic at home when he wasn’t tripping around in the campervan with Mum so she could take numerous photos for the paintings she hoped would re-establish herself as an artist. Right now they were in Western Australia. ‘Keep yours here in case it’s needed elsewhere.’

She rushed to the staffroom for her bag, said goodbye to the women in the office, and called to Cole. ‘This way. Thanks for this, Joe.’ Despite the tension in her stomach knotting tighter and tighter with each passing minute, she was grateful to him. To be stuck in town wouldn’t be comfortable.

They dashed to her car, leapt in and slammed the doors, clothes soaked through in those few seconds. ‘At least it’s not cold,’ she muttered. Inside and outside her pulsing body.

‘How did you cope with the northern winter? I’ve seen pictures of England and Europe in blizzards and snowstorms. It’s not exactly enticing to a Queenslander.’ Cole adjusted the seat to give his long legs as much space as possible and clipped his seat belt in place.

If she hadn’t been watching she’d have missed the tightening of his mouth as he shifted his left leg. What had happened? she asked herself again. Something terrible, by the way he looked and moved. Something more than a simple accident.

He hadn’t mentioned anything during any of their infrequent phone conversations either. Anger started to boil at being left out of the loop—and his refusal to talk when she’d asked. She swallowed hard, forced it down. She’d demand answers when they were at home and she could watch his face. Right now she had to focus on getting home, and keeping the disturbing subjects on hold. ‘You know me and any temperature below twenty degrees. Julie took me shopping for thick jackets and thermal tops the day I arrived in London.’

‘How’s Julie? Still enjoying living over there?’ Cole and her sister had always got along, though now Julie was backing her determination to work out what she truly wanted with her future.

And her mother was setting a great example of being true to herself, even if it was thirty-five years late, by painting as though there were years of pictures stored in her mind waiting to be put on canvas. She was so happy and healthy. Dad was a different man too now that he understood there was more to gain than lose by supporting his wife in her endeavours. What were the chances of Cole doing the same if she explained again, more thoroughly? This time with more emphasis on how she’d still always be there for and with him.

‘Julie loves London. If the company can arrange her a permanent work visa she intends staying on and buying an apartment. She’s met a guy who might be the one.’ She was head over heels and had still taken a month off work to go away with Vicki to Europe, leaving her boyfriend behind. Setting an example of how a relationship should not be about one person keeping the other happy all the time. That was her sister.

Their brothers had always kept an eye on them both, too, even more so on Vicki lately. They meant well, but nowadays she preferred making her own decisions, right or wrong. It gave her a sense of self-worth. In a way their loving stifled her, and could explain why she’d fallen in line with Cole right from the beginning. They all meant well. It didn’t mean they were right.

‘What did you think of the countries you visited in Europe? Would you go back again? In the summer?’

‘Maybe one day.’ She far preferred melting in Queensland’s humidity and heat any day. ‘I’d like to return to France and Italy. Four weeks was nowhere near long enough. We barely got started. During my month in London I took short trips all over the north of England and Wales when Julie was at work, and at the weekends she showed me around London and the South.’

‘You never once mentioned wanting to go over there.’ Was that annoyance in his voice?

Too bad. When she’d needed to get away from Sydney it had been an instinctive reaction to head home but for the first time it hadn’t felt right. Everyone had wanted to tell her what to do. Julie said she had to make her own choices, and supported her without overwhelming her. ‘I really went to spend time with Julie. I’d have gone wherever she was.’

‘Within reason, I hope.’

‘No war zones, for sure.’ Leaning over the steering wheel, she peered through the river running down her windscreen where the wipers were on full speed and not achieving a lot. ‘This is crazy.’ So was the way longing for Cole kept catching at her. It was diverting her from what this weekend was about.

‘At least there’s not much traffic about any more.’

He was right. ‘Most of the shops are closed.’

‘Is there anything we need to get?’

‘No. I did the groceries last night.’ Got in extra beer and wine in case the going got too awkward. ‘You’re on cooking the steak.’ He was a dab hand at getting the sirloin perfectly medium rare.

‘I figured.’ Though still guarded, his voice had lightened.

Getting closer to old times. She didn’t want that. It was a slippery path. Her head thudded. Tears threatened.

Don’t cry.

Then she’d need wipers on her eyeballs. She needed to get angry, not sad. No. Neither option was wise. Anger led to lack of control and that was one thing she couldn’t afford to lose over the coming days. If only she could give in and pull over to the kerbside and wrap her arms around Cole and kiss him, long and deep, and filled with the love she had to deny. If only. A kiss might fix everything. Or nothing. But giving it a go would ease the tightness brought on by not throwing herself at him the moment he’d arrived at the medical centre as she’d always done in the past.

The desire became an ache in her heart, throughout her body. For the first time ever they wouldn’t be making love the moment they charged into the house. Or kissing like their lives depended on feeling, tasting, pressing their mouths together. What had she done? Why hadn’t she found the patience to wait until he returned from East Timor before she changed everything? Then she could’ve kissed him and wound her arms and legs around him, and shown how much she loved him all over again.

And nothing would’ve changed.

True. She’d started something there was no going back on. Fear hit her. What if this really was the end of everything between them? It was all very well telling herself she was doing the right thing and that they might be finished as a result, but Cole was her other half. She loved him, needed and wanted him.

And I can’t go back to being at his beck and call.

Her foot pressed harder on the accelerator and the car shot forward. She braked sharply, and the wheels skidded on the wet tarmac.

‘Take it easy,’ Cole snapped. On his thighs, his hands were clenched, while his whole body was rigid.

What was that about? Her driving hadn’t been dangerous, just a little abrupt.

‘Slow down.’

She didn’t reply for fear of shouting that it was impossible to take any damned thing easy with him sitting beside her, sharing the air, diverting her from what she should be concentrating on. Instead she focused on driving carefully through the numerous massive puddles covering the road at regular intervals, and hoped fervently that they got through to Palm Beach, while swallowing the longing and disappointment filling her. With every kilometre she drove her stomach grew harder, tighter, filling with stress over resolving everything in a way that worked for both of them, and fear that they never would.

‘Dad sends his love.’ Cole broke the tightening silence. Unable to cope any more?

Did Conrad know she’d left Cole? She should’ve kept in touch since the miscarriage but it was difficult. He was Cole’s father first and foremost. ‘I phoned Conrad about the miscarriage. He was very upset, and supportive.’

Beside Vicki, Cole stared out the window, his fingers tapping a rhythm on his thighs as he recalled the day his dad had called to say Vicki had phoned about the miscarriage.

‘You should tell her, son.’

His father’s words had drummed inside Cole’s head as he’d lain on his hospital bed in Darwin. ‘Easy to say, Dad.’

‘She has a right to know.’ Dad hadn’t given up. At least he’d promised not to talk to Vicki about Cole’s accident until Cole had broached the subject first.

And that hadn’t happened in a hurry. He hadn’t been able to tell her until he’d known for certain he would walk again.

‘Yes, she does. When I’m ready.’

He hadn’t wanted to give her the chance to fly up to Darwin and see him attached to more medical equipment than he’d ever seen on any patient. It hadn’t been the tubes that had worried him. It had been the reason for them. Not the splenectomy, or the three fractures to his left leg. It had been the pain in his back. The spinal damage was a concern, his orthopaedic surgeon had said. A downright nightmare, Cole had thought.

What if he never walked again? Until he could know for sure he would be able to get up and look after himself, he would not lay his problems at Vicki’s feet. He had not wanted her taking him back because he was seriously injured. He couldn’t have cope with that humiliation.

‘She’s got enough problems already.’

Neither could he have expected Vick to rush to his side when he hadn’t been able to go to her, even before that vehicle had driven into the army truck. Not when she’d told him she couldn’t take any more.

‘You take care, son. I’ll call again tomorrow.’ His dad’s voice had broken and he’d hung up before Cole could say any more.

‘Damn it.’ Cole had stared some more at the ceiling he’d been getting to know too well. ‘I seem to have made a habit of upsetting those nearest and dearest without even trying.’ Should he call Vicki and talk about that dreadful day? She wasn’t going to happy whenever she learnt about it, which was a given, so he might as well wait until he was up on his feet. Because he would walk again. He would.

But what he wouldn’t have given to have had the love of his life there with him; to hold her hand, feel her lips on his. Just to talk about them, the miscarriage, their future. A future they wouldn’t have any more if she had meant what she’d said.

Giving in to the relentless agony in his heart, he had picked up the phone and hit the speed dial for Vicki. ‘Hi, sweetheart. How are you today?’

‘Much the same.’ Her voice had had the familiar flatness he’d heard during the few conversations they’d had over the previous week. ‘What about you?’ It hadn’t sounded like she even cared.

Resentment had risen. There he had been, incapacitated, in pain, afraid he might not walk again despite his determination he would, and she had been in a fog all of her own.

‘Just great, thanks,’ he had snapped.

‘That’s good. Did you want to talk about anything in particular?’

He hadn’t even been able to wind her up, she had been so down. The Vicki of old would’ve bitten his head off for the way he’d just spoken. ‘Yes, us.’

Her sigh had resonated through the ether. ‘Oh.’

Guilt had fought with a sense of loss and of being let down. ‘What do you expect, Vicki? That I’m going to let you walk away without a fight?’

‘I don’t know what to think about anything at the moment, Cole. Losing the baby dominates my thoughts. I feel so sad, it’s unbearable. It makes me feel useless.’ The most emotion he’d heard from her since she’d told him she’d lost the baby had come at him.

He had let her down. Big time. He had known it. The guilt wouldn’t let up. And yet what was he supposed to have done, even if he hadn’t ended up in hospital, fighting for his life? ‘It’s going to take time, sweetheart.’ All he had wanted was a little understanding that he couldn’t always do as she needed, that the army was in charge.

Tell her where you are. Let her come to you.

It had been so tempting. As his mouth had opened, he’d heard, ‘That’s all just about everyone says.’ Back to the flat tone. ‘I didn’t expect it from you, Cole.’

He’d got it wrong again. ‘I’m sorry. I’m at a loss for words.’ A hug would have gone a long way further, but wouldn’t happening any time soon. The next day he would have to demand to be allowed to try and sit up and put his feet on the floor. The next day he would have to start getting his life sorted so he could work at making Vicki happy again. If she’d let him.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.