Reunited By Their Secret Daughter / A Fling To Steal Her Heart

Chloe could see by Xander’s expression that he wasn’t pleased with Shania’s answer. She also knew he wouldn’t be pleased that there was nothing he could do about the situation. She knew he was driven by the same overwhelming desire to help people, to fight for the underdog, to improve people’s lives, as she was. ‘Shania, the knife didn’t stab you, your husband did. That is not okay.’

‘Do you have kids?’ Shania asked.

Chloe should have anticipated the question. It was one she got asked by almost every labouring mother when they were looking for some common ground or reassurance that Chloe knew what they were going through, but she hadn’t been prepared to have to answer that question in front of Xander. Her heart rate spiked but thank God she didn’t have to answer as fortunately Shania was addressing Xander and not her.

Xander shook his head. ‘No, I don’t.’ He kept his head turned away and Chloe wasn’t able to see his expression. When she’d last seen him four years ago he hadn’t wanted kids. Had anything changed? Would he want Lily?

‘I have three kids,’ Shania continued. ‘Four now. I don’t work. Where would I go?’

Xander looked up and Chloe took over from him. She knew he’d be wanting to offer advice but she guessed he wasn’t sure how the system worked in the UK.

‘There are options,’ Chloe said. ‘I can organise for a social worker to come and see you and we can see what measures we can put in place.’ It was often a difficult process. Resources were scant and Chloe knew that a lot of mums preferred not to uproot their children. It was a catch-22. She’d start with getting the social worker visit while Shania was in hospital but she knew from experience that there was little they could do if Shania wasn’t on board with the idea. She was sure Shania had heard it all before but she was pleased to see her give a very slight nod of agreement just as the large red H of the hospital helipad came into view beneath them.

The hospital roof became a hive of activity as the helicopter door slid open. Surgical and neonatal teams were on hand to meet them and transfer the patients and Chloe lost sight of Xander as she went with baby Tonya to the neonatal unit.

Her hands shook as she transferred Tonya to the neonatal stretcher. Her heart rate was still elevated and she knew some of it was due to adrenalin from the job but the rest was wholly and solely because of Xander.

She remained on tenterhooks for the rest of her shift waiting to see if Xander would appear in A&E even though she knew his shift must have finished well before hers. The air ambulance helicopter only operated during daylight hours and it was long since dark. Once the helicopter was out of action, road crews took over and Xander would have gone home. The only reason he would have to come to A&E would be to see her.

She was partly relieved and partly disappointed when her shift ended with Xander nowhere in sight.

Xander sat at the bar and nursed his drink as he mulled over the day’s turn of events.

He wasn’t thinking about work or Shania. He was thinking about Chloe. Seeing her had completely blindsided him and had brought back memories he’d thought long buried.

He hadn’t let himself consider the possibility of seeing her again even though he was in London. But was it really such a surprise?

They’d met when she was on a study exchange, working with the flying doctor, and he knew that the London air ambulance was the UK equivalent but he’d had no idea she was working with them. He hadn’t let himself hope that he’d see her again.

But here she was.

It had been almost four years but she’d barely changed. Maybe she wasn’t quite as thin but, if anything, the few extra pounds suited her. She still looked young—she was seven years younger than him so she must only be about twenty-seven—but there was a maturity about her now. In both looks and manner. He saw it in her eyes and he’d seen it in her work today. She’d been confident, assured and capable.

He closed his eyes as he pictured her.

Her thick blond curls had been pulled back into a ponytail today, but he could remember how it had felt to slide his fingers into her tresses, how her hair had felt splayed across his bare chest. How she’d felt lying nestled into his side, how he had felt when she’d taken him in her arms. The cool, silkiness of her skin, the softness of her lips and the smell of shampoo and sun in her hair. He recalled it all.

It had been almost four years but he remembered her as if it was yesterday.

She had been a good distraction, an excellent distraction, at a time of his life when he’d needed distracting.

He’d had a tumultuous two years and he had still been trying to process what had happened when she walked into his life. He’d encountered two of life’s major stresses simultaneously. A serious health scare and a marriage breakdown. His cancer diagnosis had been a shock, his wife’s infidelity equally so. Going through chemotherapy had been confronting and exhausting without the additional stress of a divorce. A divorce that he hadn’t seen coming. Those past two years had left him shattered and numb and he had been struggling to find his new identity in a future that didn’t hold marriage or fatherhood. His dreams had been crushed, leaving him with nothing except his career.

He had been physically and emotionally exhausted when he’d met Chloe. He’d been through the wringer and, although he knew a stranger would look at him and suspect nothing, he felt a shadow of his former self.

She’d made him feel better but she hadn’t been able to mend him.

Chloe had given him a chance to forget about the previous two years. Some respite. She’d allowed him a chance to ignore what had happened but, he could admit this now, that hadn’t helped him to deal with it. Denial and acceptance were two completely different things.

But he did know that the last time he’d been truly happy had been when he’d been with Chloe. She had calmed his soul and brought peace and happiness to his life at a time when he’d desperately needed it. And then taken it all away with her again when she’d left.

He hadn’t anticipated that her departure would leave such a big hole in his life—after all, they’d only known each other for four weeks—but the loneliness he felt had surprised him and it was only after she’d gone that he wondered if he should have confided in her. Could they have had something more if he hadn’t been so emotionally wounded? So damaged.

He would never know.

Confiding in her would have meant talking about what had happened, talking about his feelings, and he wasn’t ready to do that. He was happier in denial. They’d shared a bed but not their minds. His wife, ex-wife, whom he’d known for ten years, had betrayed his trust and he hadn’t been in a position where he could bring himself to trust anyone else with his story. Not even a virtual stranger.

He’d needed time.

And time was something they didn’t have then.

He may have denied them the opportunity of getting to know each other better but he consoled himself with the knowledge that Chloe was only ever in Australia temporarily. He told himself that nothing he could have said or done would have changed that but it didn’t stop him from sometimes wishing that things had turned out differently.

They’d had no plans for a future together, although he had found himself imagining one, but he knew he wasn’t in a position to offer her anything permanent. The future. Permanency. They were words that he’d been afraid to consider. His fate was still uncertain. He’d enjoyed Chloe’s company but he’d known, in his soul, that he wasn’t what she needed even while he thought she might be exactly what he desired.

But he had to sort himself out first. He had to find some level of acceptance for what had happened to him. To his life. He couldn’t move forward until he’d done that.

He didn’t know what his future was going to be, so instead of searching for her he’d gone searching the world, looking for a substitute. Looking for something to fill the space she’d left behind.

He’d thought he would find something to fill that void but today, seeing her again, he wondered whether his search had been in vain. Could anything fill that void or could it only be filled by someone?

She’d been the perfect tonic for him at one of the lowest points of his life but what about now?

Was he in a better place?

Four years on and he’d thought he was better but his feelings today took him by surprise. He’d felt an extraordinary sense of calm when he’d seen her today. As if, for the first time in years, he could breathe deeply and fully.

He’d considered asking her out for a coffee or a drink but had hesitated at the last minute. He needed some time to understand what this chance meeting could mean. Was it just that? A chance. It didn’t need to mean anything. He didn’t need to act on it. He needed time to digest this situation. To figure it out.

Being in the same place again was just a coincidence and he didn’t believe in coincidences.

But he couldn’t deny that it had been good to see her again.

He swallowed a mouthful of beer as he recalled the first time he’d laid eyes on her.

He’d been sitting by himself at the bar in the Palace Hotel in Broken Hill—some things never changed, he thought wryly, although he had been waiting for a colleague. He’d been drinking too much, blocking out the previous two years. He’d already had one beer and was on to his second when she walked in.

The late-afternoon sun had silhouetted her in the doorway of the hotel and her golden curls had shone like a halo around her head. She was slim and elegant with a dancer’s posture and a graceful walk.

He’d sat, mesmerised, as she’d walked towards him. He hadn’t stopped to wonder why she was heading his way; at the time it had made perfect sense, as if his mind was willing her to come to him, as if she could read his thoughts. It was only when she joined him at the bar that he noticed that Jane, a Royal Flying Doctor flight nurse and one of his colleagues, was with her.

Jane introduced them and the news that this vision, Chloe, was going to be working with him for the next month was the best thing he’d heard in a long, long time. From that moment on he was scarcely aware of other colleagues and patrons coming and going around them. He was struck, not only by Chloe’s natural beauty but by the joy that seemed to radiate from her. He’d been enthralled by her smile, her lips, the light in her brown eyes and her exuberance.

He had no idea of how long they’d stayed in the bar. All he knew was that he wasn’t leaving until she did and eventually it was just the two of them, alone. One by one the others had left but Chloe had stayed on and, therefore, so had he.

She didn’t have anywhere she had to be.

She’d flirted with him. Touched him on the arm. The thigh. Playing with her glorious hair. He thought he was too old for her, he was about to turn thirty but he’d felt ten years more than that; he was old but not so old that he didn’t recognise the signs of mutual attraction.

He’d wondered, briefly, if it was a bad idea to let her know he was interested too but he hadn’t wanted to resist. Hadn’t been able to. Chloe had been very convincing and he hadn’t fought against her for too long. He had behaved for one night but they both knew what was going to happen.

He remembered the anticipation.

Being with Chloe was the first thing he’d looked forward to for months.

He had been working with the Royal Flying Doctor Service for six months. It had long been a dream of his that had been squashed by his ex-wife, but when he’d finally made it to the service he’d felt a sense of relief that he was starting to put the past behind him rather than the sense of excitement he’d always hoped for. Chloe turned out to be the first bit of excitement he’d had in a long time. They’d had a brief but passionate affair. His head wasn’t in the right place for anything more and she was only in town for a month, but it had been a bright point in an otherwise dark period of his life.

Their affair had burned bright. Their chemistry overshadowing conversation. Chloe was young, carefree, on a working holiday; she wasn’t interested in anything deep and meaningful. He was jaded; he didn’t want to dampen her enthusiasm for life with his tales of woe. That wasn’t what she needed. It wasn’t what he needed. He wanted to forget about his troubles and she allowed him to do that.

She was addictive.

Restorative.

And then she was gone.

CHAPTER THREE

CHLOE FOLDED HERSELF into a seat on the Tube. She was tired—it had been a long day and a busy shift—but her mind was buzzing. Memories of Xander, snippets of the past, filled her thoughts.

The subway tiles whizzed past as the train zipped through the stations. The press of bodies, the fluorescent lighting and the blackness of the tunnels suffocated her. She closed her eyes against the glare of the lights and let her mind drift back to four years ago.

The London Underground couldn’t be further from the Australian outback. The close confines of the flying doctor plane had been replaced by the trains on the underground and the occasional helicopter flight. Going to the pub in Broken Hill or the races had been replaced with an occasional girls’ night out and trips to the park with Lily. The feel of the sunlight on her skin and the smell of the eucalyptus trees and dirt had been replaced with the hospital air-conditioning and the polluted air of London.

Even in the outback there had never been complete darkness but instead of artificial lighting it had been the stars overhead. Instead of the press of bodies sometimes it was just her, Xander, the pilot and a patient. Four people in thousands of square kilometres.

Sometimes it had just been her and Xander under the night sky.

It had been such a short period in her life but she’d never forgotten it. How could she?

Her mind drifted back to the night she’d met Xander. To the night that changed her life.

She had just arrived in Broken Hill, in the Australian outback. It was her third and final month on a study exchange program with the flying doctor service. She’d already completed stints in Adelaide and Port Augusta and had loved every minute of it but she was hugely excited about being in the real outback. Broken Hill was what she’d pictured when she’d applied for the exchange. It was so totally different to anything she would ever experience back home and she couldn’t wait.

Jane, one of the flight nurses, had taken her to drinks at the Palace Hotel. It was tradition for any newcomers to the service. The imposing two-storey redbrick hotel with its unusual internal artwork—murals that covered not only the walls but the ceilings too—had featured in several popular Australian movies and Chloe had been keen to visit the iconic hotel. But when they’d walked into the bar her attention had been captured, not by the architecture or artwork, but by a man sitting alone at the bar.

She couldn’t remember anything else.

Tall, blond, long, lean and tanned. He was physically perfect. In Chloe’s opinion he had not even one flaw.

He was wearing pale cotton trousers that moulded to his backside and a dark T-shirt that clung to his chest and showed off muscular arms. Every blond hair on his head was perfectly in place.

His skin was flawless, not a freckle to distract attention. His nose was straight, his jaw square, his shoulders broad. His eyebrows, a slightly darker blond than his hair, framed a pair of grey eyes. Physically he was perfect but there was something wounded in his expression. Something lost in his grey eyes. He cut a solitary, lonely figure and Chloe couldn’t resist.

She’d always been drawn to the damaged, the wounded. She had seen the pain her father’s treatment of her mother had caused. It had affected Chloe and her brothers too, and as the eldest child she had always felt a responsibility and desire to try to fix things for everyone. She wanted to make the world a better, happier place and she’d been fascinated by the solitary man at the bar, by his sense of loneliness and touch of despair. She’d been immediately interested and desperate to know more.

She couldn’t remember whether Jane had led her to him or if she’d made a beeline herself. Either way, it didn’t matter. She’d been captivated. She’d stayed long after Jane and the other flying doctor personnel had left. Talking to Xander.

She’d known instinctively that she would sleep with him. It wasn’t a case of ‘if’ but ‘when.’

It had been an amazing four weeks, a magical month, a pocket of time that she’d expected she would wrap up in her bank of memories. Something to be taken out and relived when she needed something to smile about. She hadn’t expected to relive it every time she looked into her daughter’s eyes.

But despite the way things had turned out she wouldn’t change anything. Well, maybe a few things. It had been a simple time in her life with no one to think about except for herself. That had certainly changed and she wouldn’t go back to a time before Lily but that didn’t mean there wasn’t something to be said for an uncomplicated life.

Unfortunately, she felt in her bones that her life was about to become decidedly more complicated with Xander’s unexpected appearance. And she needed time to work out what she was going to do about it.

‘That’s enough riding for now, Lily, why don’t you go on the slide.’ Chloe felt like a bad mother, cutting short Lily’s ride on her new bike, but she was tired; she’d slept badly, and she needed a break from running after Lily to give her a little push every time she needed to restart her bike.

‘Is everything all right?’ her mother asked as Chloe wheeled the bike back to the park bench and Lily scampered off to the slide. ‘You look tired.’

‘I didn’t sleep well,’ Chloe admitted to her mother.

‘Problems at work?’ Susan was a nurse too; she was familiar with the pitfalls of the job, with those days that you couldn’t leave behind at the hospital, with those patients who continued to live in your head even once your shift was finished.

‘Sort of. We have a new doctor at the air ambulance.’

A doctor whose arrival meant that Chloe had tossed and turned all night but still hadn’t been able to figure out what she was going to do about him.

‘Was he or she difficult to work with?’

‘No.’ She needed her mother’s advice. ‘It’s Xander.’

‘Your Xander?’

Chloe nodded. Her mother and Chloe’s brothers were the only people who knew about him. ‘He’s not mine, but yes.’

‘What is he doing here?’

‘He’s covering sick leave. He’s only here for a few weeks.’

‘So you think it’s just a coincidence?’

‘What?’

‘That he’s turned up here, working with the Air Ambulance Service?’

‘It must be.’ Chloe didn’t believe in coincidences—she always thought things happened for a reason—but it had to be. He couldn’t have come looking for her. She had only started working at the Queen Victoria Hospital after coming home from Australia. She’d applied to work there because it was the base for the Air Ambulance Service but Xander couldn’t know that.

‘Does he know about Lily?’

Chloe shook her head. ‘How could he?’ Chloe hadn’t even put his name on Lily’s birth certificate. She hadn’t been able to without his consent.

‘What are you going to do?’

‘I’ll have to tell him. I looked for him for six months.’ She’d only stopped when Lily had been born—time and money had made it impractical to keep searching for someone who seemed to have completely disappeared. ‘I just don’t know when. That’s why I’m tired. I’ve been awake all night thinking about what to do.’

Chloe had long since accepted that she would raise Lily as a single mother. Perhaps it wasn’t ideal but it wasn’t impossible and she was managing. What effect would Xander’s reappearance have?

‘It’s been four years. How do you think he’ll react to the news?’ she asked her mother.

‘I have no way of knowing. Some men will rise to the challenge, others may not—every one is different and so is every situation—and unfortunately, he’s disappeared once before. But there’s only one way to know for sure.’

Chloe sighed. ‘He has never looked for me. He must have been happy to let me go.’

Her mother raised an eyebrow. ‘You don’t know that. And that doesn’t mean he won’t want to be a father. That’s two very different relationships.’

‘I don’t think they’re that easy to separate. My father couldn’t do it.’

‘Your father left me but he never intended to leave you children. Our marriage was over—his actions damaged it irreparably—but he didn’t abandon you. He wasn’t planning on dying.’ Her mother looked over to where Lily slid happily down the slide. ‘You owe it to Lily to tell Xander about her. You owe it to him too. There probably isn’t going to be the perfect time. You’re probably better off just getting it out in the open.’

‘No.’ Chloe shook her head. ‘I need to find out more. I need to know why he’s here. What’s been going on in his life? What if he has a family of his own? He might not thank me for disrupting his life.’

She wondered if he’d changed that much. If he’d finally decided he wanted children. Or if he was still convinced he didn’t. He might not want to know about Lily. Or worse, he might want Lily but not Chloe. ‘There are far too many questions and you know how I hate asking a question that I don’t know the answer to.’

Chloe didn’t believe in coincidences and she didn’t like surprises. She needed to collect the facts before she started disseminating information that could change everyone’s lives.

She didn’t really know him. She didn’t know how he would react to this news. She hadn’t known four years ago and she was no wiser now. The truth was, after Lily was born and she’d come to terms with the fact that Xander was gone, a part of her had been secretly relived that she hadn’t been able to find him. It meant she didn’t have to deal with any unpleasantness. Fantasy and reality were rarely the same thing.

She still needed to find out why he was here. What did his arrival mean for her? And for Lily?

Did he have a family? He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. What were his thoughts on fatherhood and commitment now? Four years was a long time. Things may have changed but she didn’t want to tell him about Lily if he wasn’t going to love her. Life was hard enough without being unloved or unwanted. She wouldn’t expose her daughter to that.

‘I think you’re making excuses,’ her mother told her.

Chloe knew she was but she was scared.

She knew she had to tell him about Lily, but when?

And what if someone else told him first? Shania had almost asked the question and her air ambulance colleagues knew she had a daughter. They never had a lot of time to chat about their personal lives when they were on a job; the flights were never more than eleven minutes in duration and they were either preparing for a job or often caring for a patient on a return. It wasn’t often that they came back empty-handed. But what if one of her colleagues said something?

Thank God she wouldn’t have to spend hours with Xander. Not that she’d minded four years ago but until she worked out what she was going to do about the situation she was better off keeping her distance. Luckily, she didn’t spend her days in the air ambulance unit waiting for a call; she was only ever an additional team member, called in specially for certain jobs.

Her mother gave her a hug. ‘There’s only one way to know how this will turn out, Chloe, and that’s to tell him the truth. You’ll soon find out what he thinks then.’