Dr Velascos' Unexpected Baby

“She’s doing well this morning?” Gabriel asked. He wandered over to the crib and looked down, only to find Ana Maria looking up at him. It was hard looking at her, remembering all his sister’s plans. She’d been so excited when she’d called him with the news of her pregnancy, and every time they’d talked after that she’d been so full of expectation, talking about having more babies, saying how good she felt even though her belly was big and her ankles were swollen. So he still had a difficult time looking at the baby because there was always such an overflow of bitter-sweet memories. “No more upset stomach?” he asked, trying to sound clinical about it.

“She had a very good night. Slept like she should have. I think she’d probably like something a little more substantial than the sugar water in her stomach this morning.”

“Well, I’m on my way down to the front desk to pick up the formula. Señora Hernandez, from the clinic, rang me up a few minutes ago, and she’s waiting downstairs. So, do you mind staying here a little longer?” The truth was, the logistics of handling a baby and doing everything else that needed to be done befuddled him. He’d told the nurse he’d be right down before he’d even considered that he would have to deal with Ana Maria somewhere in that arrangement, too. And carting a baby around while he tried moving several cases of formula wasn’t practical. But he wasn’t disposed to planning ahead the way he needed to now. Wasn’t even in the frame of mind to think of it yet.

It ever there was someone who wasn’t cut out to raise a child…

“We’ll be just fine here,” Bella said. “Take all the time you need. And I think I’ll give Ana Maria a bath. Do you have any clean clothes for her?”

Clean clothes? He’d picked up diapers yesterday, but of all the stupid things he hadn’t thought about clothes! “I, um… No clothes.”

Bella laughed. “We’ll make something work. Don’t worry about it.”

But he had to worry. That was the problem. There were so many things to worry about now, even if he didn’t know what they were. “This won’t take long, then I’ll go out and buy some clothes. Um…would you mind making me a list of other things you think she’ll need?”

“Sure, I’ll have it ready when you bring the formula back to the room. And don’t worry about how long it takes. I don’t exactly have a set schedule here, so my time is whatever I want to make of it, and right now this is what I want to make of it.”

“In case I didn’t mention this before, you’re too good,” he said, hurrying out the door. Waiting at the elevator, he tried concentrating on his mental task list, but Arabella kept distracting him. He didn’t really date much, and he didn’t date for long because he hated getting out of commitments, and anything more than two or three dates turned into a commitment. But he was doing well in his practice, loving the lifestyle and not in a particular hurry to change it. Still, with Arabella he saw permanence and commitment, which should have scared him to death. Yet it didn’t, and all he could do was think that when his life settled down again, he might look her up. The distance from Chicago to San Francisco wasn’t that far, after all.

More evidence of crazy, mixed-up emotions, he decided. His life was suddenly out of control and, subconsciously, Arabella presented a good solution. Jumping too far ahead of himself the way he was didn’t mean anything more than a little panic attack. In a life that now had to be lived from moment to moment until he could figure out the best way to manage all parts of it, there were no future plans other than getting through the day. Especially future plans that included permanence and commitment.

But honey-colored hair and green eyes certainly attracted him like he hadn’t been attracted in a while…like he’d never been attracted before, actually, and that had nothing to do with plans or futures or babies or anything else. And for the life of him it didn’t seem all that crazy and mixed up, which proved just how crazy and mixed up it really was.

So, who was this stranger who’d stepped into his life and become so important in what had taken no longer than the blink of an eye? Apart from what he’d been told about her medical qualifications, who was Arabella Burke?

“Dr. Velascos,” Nurse Hernandez said, extending her thin hand to him. “I’m assuming you know what this is about, that Melaina Juarez suggested our meeting?” She also extended a thin, nervous smile. Señora Hernandez was older, probably close to his mother’s age, with black and gray-streaked hair pulled back into a tight knot, and she wore a starchy white uniform like he rarely saw on nurses these days.

Gabriel took her hand and noted her firm shake. Judging by her grip, she was a woman who meant business. Judging from the tight expression on her face, she was well ready to get on with it. “I was aware that they were helping with the arrangements, yes. And thank you for coming, Señora Hernandez. Although you didn’t have to bother. I’d have been happy coming to you.”

She cocked her head slightly to the left, frowning. “That’s not necessary, Doctor. Considering the circumstances of the arrangements we usually make, it’s our aim to make this transition as easy as possible on you.”

Something was wrong here, and he didn’t like the way the warning hairs were standing up on the back of his neck. “What are we talking about, Señora Hernandez? The baby formula?”

“Not formula, Doctor. The adoption of your niece. Melaina Juarez informed us that you’re involved in a very difficult situation over your sister’s death, and that you might be agreeable with allowing us to find a proper home for the child. Ana Maria is her name, I believe?”

Gabriel took a step backward, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again for several seconds before he tried, once more, to speak. “What the hell are you talking about?” he sputtered. “I never indicated to anyone that I wanted someone to adopt my niece!”

“But didn’t you tell Nurse Juarez how you never expected to have a baby in your life, and that you didn’t know what to do? Melaina indicated that you didn’t want the child.”

Had it seemed like that? Yesterday was such a blur he couldn’t remember. But there had been conversation while Ana Maria had been under observation for those few hours, and maybe something he’d said had been misinterpreted. Or perhaps he’d been overcome by the whole emotional roller-coaster, and saying something he hadn’t meant. “You’re correct. I didn’t expect to have a child, and no, I’m not thrilled about making the change in my life that will be necessary, but you’re mistaken if you think I’d give away my sister’s baby. Because I won’t!”

“I know this is a trying time for you, Doctor. But let me make it clear what we do. We place children in good, loving homes where children are wanted. Our waiting lists are long, our clients worthy and we do an extensive search of their backgrounds. For people such as yourself, it’s an ideal situation.” She handed him a packet of information. “I’d like you to consider what we have to offer your niece. Getting her into a nice, stable family situation where she’s wanted, and doing it at such a young age, is to her benefit. So, please, just read the brochures, and I’ll contact you in a day or two.”

“I’m not letting anybody take Ana Maria!” Adoption wasn’t a solution he’d considered, wasn’t even a solution he liked. Not for his flesh and blood. But if worse came to worst? Could he turn over Lynda’s child?

Not a chance in hell! That answer came to him in a fraction of a second, which surprised him because he hadn’t realized his feelings were so strong. But they were. Something else would work out, but it would have nothing to do with giving Ana Maria to strangers. Even the thought of that made him sick to his stomach. “Look, I appreciate your coming here like this, Señora Hernandez, but I don’t think…”

She laid a comforting hand on his forearm. “It’s too early to think, Dr. Velascos. That’s why we urge our prospective clients to take all the time they need. It’s a serious situation, giving up a child, and we certainly don’t want anyone making a decision they’ll later regret. So, please, just read the information. That’s all I’m asking you to do right now.”

Gabriel drew in a sharp breath. Too much, too soon. He wasn’t prepared to deal with any of this yet. “I know you’re only doing your job, but I’m not going to have anyone adopt my niece. Whatever Melaina Juarez might have thought I meant was incorrect, and I’m sorry for any inconvenience I’ve caused. I was under stress and I may have said some things that were mistaken as an intention to give away the baby, but that’s certainly not what I’m going to do.” It seemed abominable, but there was no need being brutal to the woman.

“It’s never easy, Dr. Velascos. But think about what’s best for Ana Maria.” She stepped back. “I have appointments in a few of the villages near Lado De la Montaña over the next few days, so I’ll be back in touch with you in due course.”

He didn’t say yes, he didn’t say no. And maybe he should have. But the image running through his mind as Señora Hernandez walked away from him was one where she was taking Ana Maria with her, and that caused such a sudden and unexpected pain in his gut he couldn’t speak. Couldn’t utter a single word.

“Breakfast?”

Bella nodded. “I called room service. But since I didn’t know what you’d like, I had them bring several different things.”

He looked at the cart full of sweet rolls and various juices and tea, but he just didn’t have the stomach to eat any of it.

“And they brought up the formula, too.”

She pointed to where the stack of cases was sitting next to the door, but he was more interested in watching the way she stood at the window, rocking Ana Maria back in forth in her arms—the perfect picture of motherhood. It made him sad, and angry all over again. Not at her, but at…everything. And the baby formula was just another reminder of how his life was changing in ways he couldn’t control. “I don’t know what I would have done without you, Arabella, but I can’t keep depending on you the way I’ve been doing. We’ve taken up too much of your time.”

“I have nothing but time. And I thought you wanted to go buy some baby clothes.”

He looked at the way she’d tied Ana Maria into one of his T-shirts. There were so many things he needed to do, and shopping for baby clothes was only one of them. “We’ll manage.” Easy to say, but not easy to do.

“Why don’t I stay here for a little while longer? Taking care of Ana Maria makes me feel like I’m back in my element, and I’ve needed that.”

Under the circumstances, the best he could do was offer Bella a stiff nod. Now that the formula was here, it was suddenly all about the days ahead of him. He was on the brink of raising a child. There was nothing to put off any longer. This was his new reality, his new life, and he was drowning in it.

“Go run your errands, Gabriel,” she said gently. “I think it’s all catching up with you and maybe getting out for a little while, taking a walk, clearing your head, will do you some good.” She handed him the list. “I called the front desk and was told there’s a little mercantile two blocks over that will have everything Ana Maria needs.”

“You always think of everything, don’t you?” Another time, another place, she could have been the one to change his mind about so many things. “Look, Arabella, I appreciate this more than you can know. It’s all too new to me. Nothing I’d planned for, nothing that I’d really wanted at this point in my life, nothing that really fits into my lifestyle, and it’s going to take some getting used to.” He pulled the adoption agency papers from his pocket, crumpled them and tossed them at the trash can next to the door. Then he stepped forward. “This won’t take me long.”

“Go do your errands, Gabriel. Take all the time you need. We’ll be just fine here.”

“Thank you,” he said, reaching out to brush her cheek. He wanted to touch her, to feel the softness of her skin, but he caught himself in time and pulled back. Then Gabriel walked out the door, shut it firmly behind him, took five steps toward the elevator, and slumped against the hall wall, breaking out in a profuse sweat. Shaking hands, tight chest, wobbly knees, sagging shoulders…it was all finally beginning to sink in. This was happening to him. Really happening to him.

As if on cue, the baby started crying the split second Gabriel closed the door, to which Bella responded by pacing back and forth across the room, cuddling and rocking her. “It’s going to be just fine,” she reassured the infant. “Your daddy will get over his jitters and the two of you will get along just fine. I know it’s tough not having a mother. I didn’t have one for very long. But you’ll have a good life with your daddy as soon as he calms down.” Was Gabriel a man who’d counted on his wife doing all the parenting? Was that why he was such an emotional mess when it came to the baby? Or perhaps he hadn’t wanted a child at all. He’d said something about not planning on this? So maybe there’d been problems with his wife over her pregnancy then, when she’d died, the remorse over it had set in. They could have argued the way she and Rosie had argued that last time…

That was a bitter guilt she understood very well.

She’d done everything but cope with her sister’s death these past weeks and, even now, when she was on the verge of coming face-to-face with the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her life, she was avoiding it every way she could. Including getting involved with Gabriel and Ana Maria. That’s why she recognized that Gabriel was avoiding the inevitable right now, because she was the expert at it, a virtual master of pretexts and avoidance.

“It’s not easy, forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do,” she said to the baby. Did he love his baby? Maybe he blamed for her mother’s death? “I know you don’t understand what I’m saying, but be patient with your father. He’s dealing with a tragedy no one’s ever prepared for. When you lose someone like he has…like I did…you lose part of yourself, too. Then it becomes so hard getting up in the morning to face the normal things you’re supposed to. People stare at you and whisper, they pity you and they mean to be kind, but it hurts so much and you have to put on this brave face and pretend that you’re doing well when everything inside you wants to crumble. You don’t know what to do, yet life has to go on even when it doesn’t make as much sense as it used to.” She sighed. “So that’s why you have to be patient with him. Your daddy’s starting over again, and his footing isn’t very sure yet.” Like hers wasn’t. But something about holding Ana Maria made it seem better. Maybe it was because she already missed her medical practice, missed the one solid thing in her life that had never let her down, other than her sister, and Ana Maria reminded her of that stability. “You just wait. It will get better gradually, and pretty soon neither of you will remember the first few clumsy days.”

Pacing over to the door, Bella was about to turn and pace back to the window when she glanced down at the papers Gabriel had tossed at the trash can and missed. After she’d bent to pick them up, it had been her intention to throw them away, but what she saw caused her to pull Ana Maria to her chest even more. It was an adoption pamphlet. No! That couldn’t be right. Gabriel couldn’t be… Was he actually thinking about giving up his child for adoption? Giving away his baby and start over? “No,” she gasped, throwing the adoption information in the trash. She’d thought his detachment would disappear once he was over the shock. It was too soon to make this kind of decision—too soon, too reactionary. But she’d been wrong about Gabriel, and this went far beyond not thinking clearly.

She looked at the trash can, wanting to kick it she was so angry. Those brochures were crumpled and intended for the trash, weren’t they? Could he have considered the idea, then changed his mind?

Or maybe he’d already signed the adoption papers and didn’t need the information brochures any longer. It was a thought that turned her stomach.

“Gabriel,” she whispered, the full weight of a sadness she didn’t even grasp dropping down on her as she dragged her way back to the window. It was such a beautiful sight out there, with the neatly manicured gardens below. Beautiful green grass, perfectly sculpted shrubs lining the walkways, flower-beds all done in reds and whites, white wicker benches on the lawn. All of it made so much sense. Went together the way it should. But glancing down at Ana Maria, who’d settled into her arms to nap, she couldn’t find any sense in what she feared Gabriel was about to do. No sense at all.

Just like there was no sense in the way she was feeling over it—betrayed.

“You didn’t touch the pastries you ordered,” Gabriel commented casually an hour later. Entering the hotel room, he wasn’t bogged down by the bundle of packages she’d hoped he might be bringing. Packages full of baby clothes would mean he wasn’t going to give Ana Maria away. But all he had with him was a small bag with a couple of new sleepers in it. Nothing else, and she’d had so many things on her list—receiving blankets, newborn soaps and lotions, bootees. Which only served to refuel all the raw emotions she’d been feeling from the moment she’d found his adoption literature.

No, she wouldn’t do this. Wouldn’t get involved. It was none of her business and she meant to keep it that way. She had her own problems to fix, her own hard decisions to make, and getting involved in his life in any way was just crazy.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Bella squared her shoulders, marched past Gabriel and straight out the door, without so much as a glance backward or a goodbye. Tears welled in her eyes all the way from his room to hers, and she fought them back, biting hard on her lower lip, hoping the pain would distract her emotions.

But it didn’t. Back in her own room, of all the things to do over a stranger, she collapsed on her bed, drew herself up in a ball and cried like she hadn’t cried since the day she’d heard about the airplane crash. She had no right to those tears, neither did she understand them, yet once they started they didn’t stop for nearly an hour. And at the end, when her eyes were all puffy and red, her face blotched, and she was dabbing cold water on herself, she glanced at the distorted face in the mirror, wondering who’d she been crying for. Her sister? Ana Maria? Gabriel?

Or her own broken heart over so many things she knew and possibly some she didn’t?

Bella searched her own eyes for a moment, then bent low over the vanity sink and splashed more cold water on her face. Better that than finding the answer she was afraid she’d discover if she kept on looking.

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