Dr Velascos' Unexpected Baby

He shook his head. “You’ve done more than most people would have, and I’m sure you have things you’d rather be doing than looking after a stranger.”

Things she dreaded doing. Things she wanted to put off doing. “Yes, I do, actually. But to be blunt, Doctor, I don’t think you’re reacting normally to Ana Maria right now. You’re…too stiff. You know, doing what’s required but not with the emotional nurturing she needs from you. She’s a beautiful little girl yet you hold her like she’s made of plastic…a plastic doll. And you seem to respond to her, but in a very stilted way. Which worries me. You said you’d take care of her and maybe you mean that, but I get the feeling that taking care of a newborn is the last thing you want to do. In which case I think it might become very easy for you to overlook something in her condition. And I’m not implying that you’d mean to do it, because I don’t think you would intentionally. But with what you’ve just been through, things aren’t normal for you now, and you’re not responding as you normally would.”

OK, so maybe she was overstepping the line here, but she was concerned because she knew how it felt to go through the motions without really thinking about them, which was what Gabriel seemed to be doing. You did what you needed to do but without any emotional investment. It was like walking through a fog—your senses were distorted, you couldn’t be sure in which direction you were headed. If you were alone it didn’t matter so much, but Gabriel wasn’t alone. And she did recognize that fog around him, which was why she felt compelled to react.

“You’re very quick with accusations, aren’t you? Especially when none of this concerns you!”

“Then tell me I’m wrong. That’s all it will take, Dr. Velascos, and I’ll be satisfied that you don’t need my concern. Or my help.”

His eyes softened for a moment. “You’re a good doctor, aren’t you?”

“I try to be.” She wasn’t sure what to make of him again. The man was vacillating between someone who fascinated her and someone who, likewise, scared her. She didn’t know what it was about him…his circumstances, his natural way? But she felt drawn to him. Or maybe it was to Ana Maria.

Yes, that was it. Ana Maria was desperately in need of the emotional bond only a parent could have for a child…a bond Bella wasn’t seeing in Dr. Velascos. She was reacting to that. That’s all it could be. “Which is why I’m worried. It comes with the territory. I worry about all my patients.” And she worried about Ana Maria, who wasn’t even her patient.

“I suppose we all do, don’t we?”

His comment was more offhand than direct, as if his thoughts were somewhere else. Perhaps they were. “I know this is all confusing for you, Gabriel. But it will get better, I promise. It’s just going to take some time to make the adjustments and for now Ana Maria will be fine. Babies, even as young as she is, are very resilient.” Odd, her need to comfort him. But he seemed like he needed encouragement from somewhere. In brief moments, he looked so…lost.

Good heavens, what was she doing, getting involved like this? Gabriel and Ana Maria were in good hands with Dr. Navarro and his nurse, and that problem was solved. But hers was not, which was why it was time to pull back the emotions. Time to quit looking for ways to put off the inevitable, and getting involved with Gabriel the way she was trying to do was just another way to avoid what she had to do. She recognized that. Accepted it. “Look, if you need something, Dr. Navarro will be able to help you. He seems like a very capable doctor and I’m sure he’ll put you in touch with a good pediatrician.” She pulled the blanket back from Ana Maria’s face, brushed a thumb over her soft, chubby cheek, then stepped back, feeling a sudden sadness she didn’t understand. “Take care of yourself, Gabriel. You and Ana Maria will have a wonderful life together.”

CHAPTER TWO

SHE’D eaten a little dinner, not so much because she’d wanted it but because she’d needed it. Something about holding little Ana Maria in her arms that afternoon had filled her with a longing that scared her. That, added to the dread of what she was here to do, made her meal a necessity, but not an enjoyable one. And now, hours later, she was tired of tossing and turning, and she simply couldn’t sleep. There were too many unwanted thoughts galloping through her mind, keeping her awake.

This was so hard, knowing that she was about to face the worst thing she’d ever faced in her life. Until now, she’d been able to blot out her sister’s death, pretend this trip to Peru was merely a holiday where she could take a stroll through the countryside, mingle with the people, eat the cuisine, see the sights. But it wasn’t that at all, and the nearness of what she needed to face in order to heal herself was pounding at her.

She wanted to do this, but could she? Could she open Rosie’s clinic and make her sister’s dream a reality? Being someone who always took the sure, steady path, the way she did, this seemed almost crazy. Rosie had been the one who had taken the risks, who had looked at life as an exciting mountain to climb. Bella, though, had been the one who had stuck to the flat paths, who hadn’t veered off.

But she was veering in a big way now, wasn’t she? It was terrifying but it seemed right, fulfilling Rosie’s promise this way. If that’s what she decided to do.

Bella was worried about Ana Maria, too. And about Gabriel, who probably didn’t need someone like her worrying about him. Yet she worried anyway, wondering why she’d latched on to the two of them almost immediately. Possibly her need for something that made some sense in her life? Something that made sense in the middle of something so confusing? Treating a sick child made so much sense to her. But Bella didn’t dismiss the possibility that fixing on Gabriel and his daughter was a distraction because she knew herself, knew how she’d wanted to avoid the obvious. Once she stepped into her sister’s dream, took it on as her own, her sister would be gone forever and she couldn’t face that, wasn’t ready to face that.

Whatever the case, there were too many reminders around her of how fragile life could be. She understood that now, more than she had any other time in her life. She was pretty sure Gabriel did, too, and he coped by being distant. She coped by…well, that was the problem. She wasn’t sure how she coped because she hadn’t allowed herself that yet.

Oh, she was strong enough. It had become a requirement with the way she and Rosie had grown up orphans from an early age, being tossed into so many situations where they had been tolerated but not loved the way children deserved. She’d been strong in medical school, too, and in her medical practice. It was easy, being strong, but lately she’d wondered if that strength had been a sham. Because deep down, when it had counted, she hadn’t found any of that strength she’d thought would be there. “You’re a fake, Arabella Burke,” she said, looking at herself in the mirror as she paced by it for the twentieth time in the past few minutes. “A great big fake who didn’t even know she was faking. Which makes you pretty pathetic, doesn’t it?”

She didn’t stay at the mirror long enough for the image in it to reply. The truth was, she didn’t need conciliatory words, or more of the lie she’d been telling herself all this time. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the strongest of them all? Why, it’s Bella! Bella, the queen of self-deception.

Rather than taking on a heated debate with herself, Bella pulled on her pink chenille, floor-length bath robe, stepped into her pink bedroom slippers, and headed to the hall, determined to pace up and down until she was exhausted. A nice brisk walk, in a place without the mirror image waiting to taunt her, was good, she decided as she set off, her footsteps silent on the thick, padded carpet.

Five minutes of power-walking from one end of the hall to another didn’t have the desired effect, though, because Bella felt none the worse for her near-marathon pace. But as she was about to set out on her second round by tackling the stairs, the elevator doors at the other end of the hall whooshed open and a young man in neatly pressed gray slacks and a maroon jacket scuttled out, heading straight to the first room on the left. She watched with mild interest, not because it was interesting as much as any diversion was good. It did seem awfully late to have room service delivered, though. Probably some other poor soul who couldn’t sleep, asking for a glass of warm milk.

Warm milk! Why hadn’t she thought of that? Perhaps its soothing effect would help her. Besides, it seemed much more appealing than running up and down the hotel stairs in her pink nightwear, trying to wear herself out. “Excuse me,” she said to the room attendant, trying not to be too loud about it.

He acknowledged her with a nod as the hotel door at which he stood cracked open and he handed in a covered tray. That’s when she heard it…the sound of a crying baby in the room. Naturally, her attention fixed on that as the attendant backed away from the door and the man inside thanked him.

Gabriel Velascos! She recognized his voice but she wasn’t fast enough to get to the door before he shut it. A couple of loud raps remedied that, and a second later he opened the door to her, immediately blinking his obvious surprise. “Do you have built-in radar?” he asked, his voice more weary than stiff. His eyebrows did raise as he took in her pink nightwear.

“Maybe I do.” He was dressed in jeans, and an unbuttoned white cotton shirt that proved a startlingly sexy contrast to his dark skin. Bare feet, mussed hair, the total image of him caused Bella to step back when he opened the door all the way. She shouldn’t be harboring these kinds of thoughts for him. He had been widowed only three days, for heaven’s sake! A man in mourning. He probably hadn’t even had time to bury his wife yet.

Hormonal reaction, she decided. Biological clock ticking hard and fast. A particularly pointless ticking for a woman who was on a road with an uncertain ending to it. Or maybe she was finally tired. “I heard Ana Maria…”

“She’s been crying for the past hour, and I can’t get her to sleep. I had room service bring me sugar water because I thought she might be hungry, and if that doesn’t work…” He shrugged.

Bella went straight to the crib where Ana Maria was having a royal fit, and picked her up. “Is it your tummy again?” she practically cooed, running her fingers lightly over Ana Maria’s belly to check for any distention. None found. Then she felt her cheeks and forehead for a fever and, again, none discovered. “So far, so good,” she said softly, raising the baby to her shoulder, then giving her a light pat on the back. Ana Maria rewarded the effort with a healthy little burp.

“That’s it?” Gabriel sputtered. “That’s all it was?”

“Just a gas bubble. Babies need a little help getting them out, you know.”

“I know that,” he snapped, then immediately shook his head impatiently. “Sorry. I’ve been going crazy worrying about her, and all she needed was a burp. That makes me look pretty stupid, doesn’t it?”

Bella laughed. “Not stupid, just inexperienced. And don’t take it personally. I think you’re a little overwhelmed right now.” She really wanted to ask more about his situation, about his wife’s death, but it wasn’t her place. And she knew from experience that so many questions hurt. People had asked about Rosie, trying to be kind, of course, but the pain had been unbearable. Still was.

“A little overwhelmed is right. And I’m sorry I’m always snapping at you. It’s just that every time you’ve caught me so far I’ve been at my worst.”

Something with which she commiserated as she hadn’t exactly been at her best lately either. “Believe me, I gave up making assumptions and judgments a long time ago. You’re having a bad time right now and I understand completely.” She glanced sideways at Ana Maria, who’d gone right to sleep with her head on Bella’s shoulder. “I think she’s OK,” she whispered.

Gabriel stepped forward to take Ana Maria, but Bella shook her head. “I know you told me you didn’t need my help, but I think you do. So why don’t you go sleep for a few hours, get yourself rested to face all the things you’re going to have to take care of tomorrow, and I’ll take care of Ana Maria, since I’m wrestling with a bout of insomnia anyway? This will keep me from walking the hall all night.”

He studied her for a moment, taking in her pink slippers and moving upward. When he reached her face, a warm smiled flickered across his lips, and for the briefest moment his eyes were so gentle, so…so deep. Then the worry came back, and along with it the scowl he seemed to wear all the time. “I appreciate this, Arabella. It’s been rough, and unexpected. From the time I got word that Lynda had died…” He broke off, swallowed hard. “You’re right. I do need to sleep. So maybe if I can grab a couple of hours my disposition will improve.”

“Your disposition is fine.”

“My disposition is lousy, and you’re too kind to mention it.” He smiled wearily. “But thank you for trying to make me feel better. So, are you sure you don’t mind doing this?”

“I don’t mind,” she said, lowering Ana Maria into her crib. This was what she did after all. She took care of children. That’s how she defined herself, the way she felt safe.

“Then I promise I’ll be nicer when I wake up.” He made a cross-my-heart gesture. “And better with Ana Maria, too.”

Bella smiled at Gabriel, but didn’t say a word as she settled herself into the chair next to the crib. But she did watch him wander into the bedroom of the suite. He’d be a good father given some time and confidence, she thought. Once he got used to it.

Sleep came fast, and hard. He didn’t dream, although he’d thought he would. Didn’t have thoughts of his sister to keep him awake. Once he’d slumped into bed, that was it. He was out cold. But not for long. It had been only three hours, and he was awake again. Now he was being bombarded by the thoughts he’d wanted to avoid, the feelings he’d wanted to dismiss.

He was angry, damned angry. Lynda shouldn’t have died. She had been young, strong, healthy. Sure, women died in childbirth. But why his sister?

He could have been there, should have been there. Maybe he could have done something, seen something. Gotten his sister to a hospital somewhere.

Pacing over to the window, Gabriel pulled back the heavy curtains and looked outside. The city was dark now. And it seemed so…small. When he had been a boy, Iquitos had been the world. It had had everything. And on those few trips when his parents had brought him here, he’d been exposed to amazing culture and things he hadn’t even known existed in this world. But now the city seemed tiny, compared to Chicago. That was home now, and held everything he wanted. Large medical practice, nice condo on the lake, great lifestyle. He couldn’t even imagine living in a village like Lado De la Montaña again, let alone a city such as this. When he had been young, that life had been all he’d known. It was all in his past though, and he couldn’t go back. Didn’t want to go back. Which meant Ana Maria would be returning to Chicago with him since his mother wasn’t physically able to raise a baby and there was no one else. Not even the child’s father, Hector.

“Hector doesn’t want the child,” his mother had told him. “Nor does his other wife, Estella. They have three daughters already and Hector wanted Lynda to give them a son. That’s why he married her, to give him the son Estella could not. But since Lynda did not, Hector has refused to take this child in and Estella wants no part of raising another woman’s daughter.”

It didn’t make sense to him. How could a man simply give away his child that way? But that’s what had happened. Hector had taken Ana Maria straightway to the village priest, signed the papers giving up custody, and walked away. Probably to find another wife who would might give him that son.

Gabriel had never liked his sister’s marriage arrangement. But in the villages it wasn’t uncommon for the men to have two wives at once. Lynda had been Hector Ramirez’s second wife, one who’d come into the marriage a good ten years after Hector’s first marriage. Oh, he’d tried arguing his sister out of it, but she’d told him that he lived in a different culture now, and his ways were not hers. Hector was a good man, Lynda had contended. He’d make her a good husband.

Yeah, well, what kind of good man abandoned his child after the death of the baby’s mother?

Gabriel continued staring at the empty street below for another few minutes, trying not to think. But there was a little girl just outside his door he couldn’t take his mind off. And a woman tending to her who’d captured a fair share of his thoughts, too. Arabella seemed to be clinging to Ana Maria as if she was a lifeline, what was her story anyway? He thought about asking her, then thought better of it. How could a man who didn’t know enough to burp a baby take on another person’s problems? The answer was simple—he couldn’t.

But he did wonder about Arabella. And worried a little because, come morning, when he and Ana Maria returned to the village, what would she do?

Curiosity got the better of him and, after fifteen minutes of restlessness, Gabriel crept to the bedroom door and peeked out to the sitting area. The room was so quiet he didn’t want to disturb either of them. As he started to pull his door to, he heard Arabella whisper, “She’s just fine. Sleeping like she should.”

Opening the door again, he stepped out, but barely moved past the frame. “Are you OK?” he whispered. “Can I get you anything?” It was an awkward moment between them, the two of them in the near-dark. But what was even more awkward than the moment was the feeling coming over him. It was like…like this was the way it was supposed to be, with Arabella and him watching over the baby. And it was very nice. Disquieting, but pleasant.

Or maybe it was merely an aversion to responsibility, and Arabella presented the easiest solution for the moment. No need to romanticize that, was there? She was good at a task he didn’t accept as his own yet. That’s what it was. He was simply stalling the inevitable.

Rather than whispering across the room and risk disturbing Ana Maria, Bella came over to Gabriel’s door. “I think maybe I should be asking you how you are. With everything you’ve been through, someone needs to be taking care of you.”

“Are you always so…generous? I’ve taken up your entire day, and now your night, and here you are asking me how I am.” She was a woman used to giving, but one, he suspected, who never took. He wondered if she even knew how.

“Trust me, I didn’t have much of a day or night planned for myself that having you take it up interrupted anything I wanted to do.”

“Why are you here, Arabella?” he asked, even to his own ears sounding much more seductive than he’d intended.

“In your room, or in Peru?”

Ah, she was good at the art of avoidance, too. He was more curious now than he had been but he’d respect her privacy, if that’s what she preferred. Grant her the same space she did him. “Look, just so it won’t seem like I’m prying, I checked your credentials earlier.”

She arched her eyebrows, but didn’t say a word.

“I found out you’re a very good doctor, in a highly regarded medical practice in California.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all I needed. Because of Ana Maria.”

“You can’t be too careful these days, can you?” She smiled, and it was such a soft smile it gave him goose bumps. “And just so you’ll know the rest of the story, I’ve resigned from my practice, which leaves me time to explore different possibilities for my career.”

“What kind of possibilities?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I suppose I’ll know it when I see it.”

More avoidance. He was more curious now than just a moment ago. Apparently there were secrets behind all that sadness in her eyes. So, on that rather obvious cue it was time to shift the conversation. Or let it drop—which he didn’t want to do yet. The truth was, he liked talking to Arabella, even if it was more of a one-sided conversation, with him doing most of the conversing. “Do you like Peru?” He asked for a lack of something better to say.

“I hope so.”

Odd, again. “This is your first time here?”

Glancing down at the floor, Arabella nodded yet said nothing, leaving Gabriel to wonder even more what it was about Arabella that drew him in. She was so vulnerable, like she needed someone to protect her. Yet she was strong, maybe even a little defiant. So, did she have someone in her life to protect her, someone who saw her needs even more keenly than he believed he was seeing? Did she have someone back in her own room who wondered why she was spending the night in another man’s room, or perhaps someone who understood why she was compelled to do it? Because he understood. Even without knowing much about her, what he’d come to understand was that she was totally giving, a woman who couldn’t look the other way when she saw need.

Truthfully, he did feel guilty, like he was taking advantage of that. Sure, he’d turned down her offer at the clinic, but when he’d found her at his hotel door there was nothing in him that could have or would have turned her down a second time. He wanted to think it was because he was intrigued by the lady. But his own motives here were suspect, even to him. Or maybe overwhelmed was a better way to describe it. “It’s OK that you’re here, isn’t it?” he asked, sounding like a selfish dolt, as this was the question he should have asked right off. Except he’d been totally preoccupied by his own problems at that moment and hadn’t even thought about Arabella other than what she could do to help him. But now he wanted to know. “No one’s going to be angry that you’re here in my room and not somewhere else…with someone else.”

She laughed. “No, I don’t have anybody back in my room waiting for me, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Did it come out that awkwardly? Because I was trying to be subtle.”

“Yes, I’m afraid it did. As awkward as anything I’ve heard in a while.”

Gabriel chuckled, then immediately cut if off for fear he would wake Ana Maria. “So, then, how does one go about asking personal questions without being too personal about it? Because I do want to respect your privacy, but I’d also like to satisfy my own curiosity.”

“Ask, and I’ll answer. Or not.”

“OK, are you married?”

“No. Not married, not seriously involved. No children. No future plans in any of those directions. And no more questions on that aspect of my life. So, next question?”

In the dark shadows he could barely make out the brief smile on her lips. Stunning. Lips he would have kissed under different circumstances…a thought that caused him to take a step back. “Would you rather have the bed?” he asked, awkwardly again, then clarified it. “Alone.”

“Under the circumstances, I think you need it more than I do. I’m fine in the chair.” She took a step backward, too. “And I think we should be quiet now. I don’t want Ana Maria to wake up.” She took another step, and turned around. But before she returned to the chair by the crib she turned back to Gabriel, studied him for a moment, then smiled. “Thank you for letting me do this. It makes things better for a little while.”

Better? He wanted to ask what was better, but he didn’t. With all the mixed-up feelings rushing through him just now, he was safer not knowing.

“Damn,” he muttered, as he dropped back down into bed. There were too many complications, and he hated complications. All he wanted was to go back a few days in time, to when Lynda had been alive and happy about her pregnancy, when his life had been just the way he’d planned it. When he hadn’t even known Dr. Arabella Burke existed.

Well, maybe that’s the one thing he would have changed in all this confusion—meeting Arabella. He was glad he had because she was interesting. Outside her obvious physical attributes, and she’d been blessed with more than her fair share, she was smart, compassionate, dedicated. But her sad eyes bothered him, much more than they should have. Much more than he wanted to allow, but he really didn’t have any control over that. Even as he drifted off to sleep again, that’s the image that stayed with him—those sad, sad eyes.