Six Australian Heroes

‘It … It’s all right …’ she somehow managed to stammer between sobs.

‘No,’ he said, taking her by the shoulders as he levered his body away from hers, his abrupt withdrawal bringing a startled gasp from her lungs. His eyes when they met hers were haunted. ‘It’s not all right. What I did just now … It was all wrong.’

His distress forced her to get control of her weeping so she could reassure him that he hadn’t raped her, if that was what he was thinking. She’d been with him all the way. She could have struggled, could have said no, but she hadn’t.

‘I’m as much to blame as you, Ryan,’ she choked out, not quite in control of her voice just yet.

‘I can’t accept that,’ he ground out as he zipped up his jeans then set about helping her with her clothes, which hadn’t been properly removed either, just enough to let him have his way with her. ‘I forced myself on you. And I didn’t use protection. What if you fall pregnant? I should be put up against a wall and shot!’

‘You didn’t force me, Ryan,’ she reiterated firmly. ‘I have free will and I wanted you to do what you did. I enjoyed it. You know I did.’

He just stared at her.

‘Let me assure you that my chances of getting pregnant are negligible,’ she went on, thankful that she was one of those girls who kept dates pretty clear in her head—not that her head was all that clear at the moment. ‘My period is due on Wednesday and I’m as regular as clockwork. It’s a very safe time for me in that regard.

‘Unless, of course,’ she added, her heart jolting as another not very nice thought came to her, ‘You’re worried about my catching something far worse than a baby.’ There was no use pretending that he wasn’t a player with a stream of partners behind him. Maybe he’d done this kind of thing before—had unsafe sex, and with someone not as safe as she was.

He looked genuinely shocked at her enquiry. ‘You have my word that your health is at no risk from me. I have never before had unsafe sex. Not once. This is a first for me, believe me.’

‘Really?’ Laura couldn’t help it. She smiled at his admission. There was something perversely flattering that she’d been the one and only woman to make him lose control like that.

‘Yes, really, Miss Smug.’ He cocked his head on one side and gave her a long thoughtful look. ‘I take it, then, that you won’t mind if I stay the night?’

‘I … er … was actually hoping for more than one night,’ she said, well aware that she wasn’t strong enough to send him away. Not yet.

Rambo bolting down the hallway towards her was a thankful distraction from the telling heat that was suddenly threatening to engulf her.

‘Hi, sweetie,’ she said. ‘Did you miss me?’

He miaowed once, then sauntered over and rubbed himself around Ryan’s ankles. When Ryan scooped him up into his arms, Rambo began to purr.

‘He likes you,’ Laura said, trying not to feel jealous.

‘He’s a very nice cat. Even with only one eye. His fur is incredibly soft.’

‘He’s very spoiled.’

‘I can imagine. Does he sleep on your bed every night?’

‘No. He likes to roam at night. I’ve tried locking him in, but when I do he just sits at the window in my room and cries. It’s easier to just let him do what he wants.’

‘Smart cat. He’s trained you well.’

‘I love him,’ she said somewhat defensively. ‘When you love your pet, you can’t bear to see it unhappy, or hurt.’

‘Hence the three-thousand-dollar vet bill,’ Ryan said.

Laura refused to be irked by the dry amusement in his voice. ‘I would have spent ten thousand dollars to keep Rambo alive! Now, if you don’t mind, I have to feed him or he’ll be a pain later on. And we wouldn’t want that, would we?’ she threw at him snakily.

He smiled a wry smile. ‘Glad to see that some things about you haven’t changed. Here,’ he said, and handed the cat over. ‘He’s all yours. By the way, after you’ve fed him, is there a chance of some coffee? You pointed the kitchen out to me yesterday.’

Only yesterday? Laura thought with amazement as she carried Rambo down to the kitchen. One short day and so much had changed. The twice-bitten-forever-shy Laura of yesterday would have worried herself sick over where her affair with Ryan was heading. This morning’s Laura had still been a little concerned.

The Laura who’d just had wild but fantastic sex up against a wall now looked at things very differently. No longer was she going to worry about falling in love with Ryan and ending up with another broken heart. She was going to embrace the lust which was still raging within her and live for the heat of the moment. The long-term future could go hang itself. The only future she cared about was the immediate future. Which was tonight.

Her heartbeat quickened as she realised that she would soon be back in bed with Ryan. Back in his arms, back experiencing the most incredible pleasure. She could not wait to be totally naked with him once more. To have him touch her everywhere. To touch him everywhere as well. Her head swirled at the thought of going down on him. Not reluctantly, but avidly. And certainly not because of some silly idea of sacrificial love. She wanted to feel that power which he’d described to her last night, wanted to make him lose control, all because of her.

It was a heady thought. Heady, intoxicating and thrilling.

Rambo’s impatient miaow snapped her back to the present.

‘You wouldn’t understand, Rambo,’ she muttered as she went about getting him the special treat she always fed him when she wanted him to settle. ‘You’ve been de-sexed. Now, here, eat up. After which I want you to be a good boy and don’t bother me for the rest of the night.’

‘I hope you’re not talking about me,’ Ryan said as he strode into the kitchen, his beautiful blue eyes glittering with amusement. ‘Because I don’t intend to be good. And I am going to bother you. But not till I’ve had some coffee. Strong coffee. I suggest you have some as well; don’t want you falling asleep on me.’ He glanced around. ‘I like your kitchen. The wood’s a nice colour.’

‘It’s oak,’ Laura said as she dropped the empty tin in the garbage. ‘Real oak.’

‘It’s classy,’ he said, and pulled out one of the two wooden stools which fronted the small breakfast bar. ‘Like you,’ he added.

Laura wasn’t sure what to say to such a compliment, so she settled for a simple, ‘Thank you,’ before turning away from him to put the kettle on and get everything ready for coffee.

‘I only have instant, I’m afraid,’ she said as she busied herself with the mugs.

‘No problem; I’m not fussy. Just make it black and strong, with no sugar.’

‘I don’t know how you can bear drinking coffee without milk and sugar.’

‘I learned when I had no milk and sugar,’ he returned dryly.

She frowned as she turned back to face him. ‘Were you really that poor once?’

‘You have no idea.’

‘No,’ she agreed thoughtfully. ‘I guess I haven’t. I may have been unhappy as a teenager but I was never poor. I certainly never went hungry. That must have been horrible.’

Ryan shrugged, as though he no longer thought about it. Or cared. ‘It made me appreciate things once I could afford them. And it made me work hard so that I could afford them. But enough of such talk. I never like talking about the past. It’s a waste of time.’

‘But the past is what makes you what you are today,’ Laura said, curious now to find out more about him. She realised that he’d revealed only scant details about his early life to her family yesterday. Though Gran had picked up on the fact that his childhood couldn’t have been easy.

‘Yes I do know that, Laura,’ he replied a little impatiently. ‘But I don’t subscribe to analysis of any kind. It does a person no good at all to rake over the past, especially when the things they’re raking over are usually wretched and made them miserable. It just sets off old problems again. Far better to put things behind you and move on.’

Laura almost said that was much easier said than done but decided to let the matter drop. She didn’t want to say or do anything to spoil the rest of the evening.

‘Speaking of moving on,’ he added dryly. ‘So come with me, woman. Bed awaits.’

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

LAURA still fell asleep, but only after a lengthy sexual marathon where they made love over and over and over, in every position Ryan knew, including up against the wall again, though in the shower this time and with Laura facing the wall.

He didn’t succumb to sleep, however, despite feeling drained. His mind would not let him rest, plaguing him with the things Laura had said earlier about how much the past influenced the present, and the person one eventually became. As he’d already told Laura, he did actually know that. Ryan understood full well why he avoided love and marriage. Why he avoided emotional involvement of any kind with the opposite sex.

He’d always believed that nothing would ever change that. That no woman alive was capable of unlocking the iron cage he’d fused shut around his heart the day he’d come home from school and found his mother dead on the floor and his father curled up in a corner, sobbing that he hadn’t meant to do it, that he loved her.

Ryan had lived a long time since that day—twenty-five years to be exact. Not once in all that time had a woman touched his heart, let alone his soul.

Until now …

Was this love he was finally feeling? He wondered as he frowned down at Laura’s sleeping form.

He wasn’t sure, since he didn’t know what romantic love felt like. All he knew was that sex with Laura was different from anything he’d experienced before. He could not seem to get enough of her. Usually, his desire lessened sharply after a couple of times, his days of wanting sex all night long a thing of the past. Not so with Laura. Already he wanted to feel that special feeling again, the one which jolted him every time he entered her, then grew in intensity, culminating in waves of rapture. He’d never felt anything like it. Hell on earth—would he never be satisfied?

This can’t be love, he decided as he rolled over and stared down at her naked bottom with its peach-like buttocks. True love would be less sexually driven. It was still just lust. A more obsessive form than usual, but just lust all the same. Give it time and these cravings would fade.

But not yet, he accepted when he reached out to touch her.

Laura woke to the delicious sensation of Ryan stroking her back. She was lying face down, on the bed, her arms bent upwards, her hands under the pillow that her head was resting on.

‘Mmm,’ she murmured sleepily, her mind not yet fully awake.

It soon snapped to, however, when his hand abandoned her back and started paying her more intimate attention. Today, she was just all excitement. She’d abandoned embarrassment as a lost cause; Ryan didn’t have an embarrassed bone in his body when it came to sex. Everything in his view was natural and healthy, every part of a woman’s body put there for his pleasure. And her own.

After a while, however, Laura didn’t want to just lie there, letting him do what he was doing—though it was lovely. She wanted to do things to him for a change. With a small moan—it was seriously tempting just to stay where she was and let him have his wicked way with her—she rolled over abruptly. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she sat up and met his somewhat startled eyes.

‘You can do that later,’ she said breathlessly. ‘It’s my turn now.’

His eyebrows arched. ‘Your turn to do what?’

‘Will you please stop talking? Oh my goodness!’ she gasped when she pushed him down onto his back and she saw how aroused he already was.

‘How long was I asleep?’ she asked him in amazement. After all, they’d already made love quite a few times before she had dropped off, including that incredible time in the shower.

‘Long enough,’ he growled.

‘Obviously,’ she said, unable to stop herself from reaching out to touch him.

When she encircled him in her hand, he sucked in sharply, sending her eyes to his. This was the one thing she still hadn’t done. Up until now it had been all him doing things to her.

‘Do you like women going down on you?’ she asked him, her voice thick with excitement.

‘I do if they do,’ he replied, his voice sounding strained. ‘You said you didn’t—like it, that is.’

‘True. But that was before and this is now. I think I will like it with you.’

He groaned when she began to bend her head, groaning again when she put her lips to him in a tender kiss before slowly, ever so slowly, licking the head all over.

She didn’t just like doing it, Laura realised dazedly by the time she drew him fully into her mouth. She loved it. Loved the feeling, not of power so much, but of knowing how much he was loving it. He’d given her so much pleasure; now it was her turn to give him pleasure. Lots of pleasure, by the strangled sounds he was making. She didn’t care if he came in her mouth. She wanted him to come. Wanted him to stop struggling for control—which she sensed he was—and just let go. Determined, she picked up the pace, lifting and lowering her head to the rhythm of the thudding drumbeat her own blood was making in her head.

But, just when she was sure he was about to come, he grabbed her and dragged her upwards, his strong hands lifting her up over him then lowering her down so that she was straddled across his hips.

‘I want you with me,’ he growled. ‘Here, put this on me,’ he ordered in gravelly tones, shoving a condom into her hands. ‘Hurry,’ he snapped when she hesitated.

She had a little trouble sliding the protective sheath over him but managed at last, amazed when he slid inside her with shocking ease, her internal muscles automatically taking hold of him in a vice-like grip.

‘Hell on earth, woman,’ he choked out, his face twisting.

Laura’s face fell. ‘Am I hurting you?’ This was the first time she’d ever been on top in her life. Mario and Brad had both been the kind of males who would never allow a woman to take the reins during sex. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just that I … I haven’t done it this way before.’

He stared up at her. ‘You’ve never been on top?’

‘No. Never. I’m so sorry.’

‘There’s absolutely no need for you to apologise.’

‘But I hurt you!’

His smile was rueful. ‘There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, Laura. I promise you that what I’m feeling is more pleasure than pain. Now, this is the way,’ he said, cupping her buttocks with his large, strong hands and moving her.

She gasped. Oh, how heavenly it felt. She soon didn’t need any help, riding him all by herself, faster and faster. His hips began to lift from the bed, pushing him even deeper inside her. She moaned and leant forward, her breasts swinging free of her chest wall, her bottom lifting slightly. Incredibly, the level of her pleasure increased with the change of angle, each forward thrust sending electric shocks charging through her body. Her climax hit with such blinding force that she cried out. Ryan cried out as well, his body spasming wildly within hers. She collapsed across his chest, her head coming to rest over his madly galloping heart.

It was then that she began to weep, her whole body suddenly surrendering to a storm of emotion that she was yet to understand.

‘Hush, my darling,’ Ryan crooned as he wrapped his arms around her back and held her tightly against him. ‘Hush. There’s no need to cry.’

‘I know,’ she choked out. ‘I’m being s … silly.’

‘Not silly at all,’ he murmured. ‘Just … over-tired. Time for you to get some proper sleep, I think. And time for me to go.’

Her head shot up off his chest. ‘But you promised to stay the whole night!’

‘I’ve changed my mind about that.’

‘I don’t want you to go,’ she wailed.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll be back,’ he said, and firmly put her to one side whilst he sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed.

She only just stopped herself from grabbing him to make him stay, but couldn’t help asking, ‘When? Tomorrow night?’

He sighed. ‘I know I shouldn’t but, yes, I promise to come back tomorrow night. Unless, of course, you’ve changed your mind about becoming my girlfriend for real,’ he added, glancing over his shoulder at her. ‘Then I could pick you up from your office, take you for drinks and dinner then back to my place for a very pleasant evening.’

Oh, how tempting it was to agree to his offer. So, why didn’t she?

Because all the reasons why she’d rejected his original proposal were still there: he didn’t love her. He would never love her. The fact that that realisation cut even deeper into her heart reinforced her decision to keep her affair with Ryan as short as possible. It worried her sick that she was already falling in love with him. How easy it would be to surrender to her emotional nature and just go along with whatever he wanted.

Don’t do it, Laura, the bitter voice of experience insisted. Stay strong!

‘I haven’t changed my mind,’ she said much more firmly than she felt.

‘Fine,’ he bit out as he climbed off the bed and reached for his clothes. ‘But don’t go thinking you can have it all your way indefinitely, Laura. I’m not happy with this arrangement. Not happy at all.’

‘Really?’ she couldn’t resist saying. ‘I would have thought it was right up your alley—all fun and no responsibility.’

The look he gave her would have frozen mercury.

Laura might have panicked if it had lasted. But slowly the ice in his eyes thawed and a sardonic smile lifted one corner of his mouth. ‘I can see you would have been one hell of a criminal-defence lawyer. You really are wasted in corporate law. Which reminds me, don’t forget to tell them at work that I’m no longer your client and that they’ll need to send me someone else.’

Dismay curled her stomach. ‘But what excuse will I give them?’

Now his smile turned a little cruel. ‘That’s your problem, Laura.’

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

‘NO!’ Alison exclaimed in shocked tones for the umpteenth time.

Laura suppressed a sigh. Lord only knew how her friend would react if she told her the whole truth about her ongoing affair with Ryan. She’d actually contemplated lying when Alison had rung her first thing this morning, barely five minutes after she arrived at work. But in the end she’d decided that a sanitised version of the truth would still save her pride, at the same time satisfying Alison’s by-then rabid curiosity.

So she’d confessed to having sex with Ryan again when they’d returned to Sydney yesterday, but made it sound like it had been her idea that he eventually go home rather than stay the night. But when she confessed that she’d refused to become his girlfriend for real, opting instead for a brief sexual fling, Alison’s reaction had still been negative.

‘And you honestly think you can handle a strictly sexual affair?’ Alison went on eventually in a calmer vein. ‘That might suit lover boy but it’s not you, Laura.’

Laura refused to let her friend think Ryan was to blame for everything. ‘Try not to forget, Alison, that I’ve been a willing partner in all this. I want sex from Ryan as much as he wants it from me.’

‘He must be damned good in bed to get you into this state. You’ve never cared for sex all that much in the past, not even when you were madly in love. But, of course, he has had a lot of experience,’ she added tartly.

‘Yes,’ Laura agreed, wondering if Alison could be just a tad jealous. She was always saying that one’s sex life went out the window when you had children.

Alison sighed. ‘You know, I envy you, in a weird kind of way,’ she admitted, confirming Laura’s thoughts.

‘Not as much as I envy you,’ Laura retaliated. ‘I’d give anything to have a loving husband like your Peter and two gorgeous children. You have a fantastic family, Alison.’

‘I guess I do. It’s just that … Oh, never mind. Look, don’t take any notice of me today. I’m suffering from PMT; you know what it’s like.’

‘Indeed I do.’ Laura frowned as she realised that she didn’t have any of the symptoms yet.

Feeling slightly panicky, she went over the dates in her head again and came up with the same result—her period was definitely due on Wednesday. It occurred to her that maybe PMT went away when you were having a fantastic sex life. Maybe her body had become more relaxed. Stress could do dreadful things to one’s health. Or so she’d read.

‘What you need to do,’ she told Alison, ‘Is to have more sex.’

‘Huh! And when exactly do I have time for sex? Those gorgeous kids of mine run me ragged.’

‘Make time, Alison. I’ll mind your kids next weekend and you go away with Peter.’

‘Honestly? You’d do that?’

‘I’ve minded them before.’

‘Not for a whole weekend. You know, I think that’s a great idea and I will take you up on it—eventually. But not this weekend. There’s no point; I’ll have my period.’

‘You and me both,’ Laura said dryly. ‘Look, I have to go, Alison. I have heaps of work to do.’

Which was not strictly true. But she had to think up some plausible reason why she could no longer be Ryan’s lawyer. It was sure to be the first thing he would ask her that evening.

But, as it turned out, Laura couldn’t think of a reason—

not one she felt happy with. Already she was feeling hyped up about tonight. Hyped up and turned on. Thoughts of sex filled her head all day, so much so that by the time Ryan arrived on her doorstep shortly after seven she’d forgotten all about not having organised another lawyer. All she could think of was being with him. One look at his hotly glittering eyes and she knew he felt exactly the same.

They made it into the bedroom, but not the bed. And Ryan almost didn’t use a condom—again! She was the one who reminded him just in time. When he swore, she laughed. Then he laughed. The delay was exactly what they needed to catch their breath and move from the hard wooden floor to the comfort of the bed. They even managed to remove their clothes before a burst of uncontrollable passion overtook them again.

Laura came the moment Ryan entered her, his own climax swiftly following. After his body stopped shuddering he collapsed across her, his weight almost crushing. When she pushed at his shoulders, he levered himself up onto his elbows and glared down at her.

‘I can’t keep this up, you know,’ he growled.

Her brain felt as glazed as her eyes. ‘Keep what up?’

‘Waiting all day to be with you. I nearly went insane this afternoon.’

‘Oh …’

‘Is that all you’ve got to say? Oh?’

‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’

‘Say that you feel the same way. Say you’ll stop this nonsense and agree to be my girlfriend for real. Then we could spend lunchtimes together and have proper dates. And weekends away.’

Again, she was tempted to agree. But the bottom line was that he still only wanted her for sex with some company thrown in. There would be no proposal of marriage at any stage.

She said the only thing that she knew would stop him in his tracks. ‘If I become your girlfriend for real, Ryan, I’m sure to fall in love with you.’

Ryan could not believe the crazy thoughts which ran through his head—mostly that he didn’t care any more if she fell in love with him as long as she let him spend more time with her.

God, how selfish could he get?

Ryan rolled away from her, staring grimly up at the ceiling and wondering what the hell he should do. He didn’t like it that he was becoming possessive of her. It worried him.

Laura could not believe how forlorn she felt when he abandoned her body. Forlorn and alone. He was lying right beside her yet he seemed such a long way away. She hated that feeling.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said suddenly, not really knowing what she was apologising for.