Six Australian Heroes

His groan secretly delighted her. ‘Must you remind me? Okay then,’ he added as he spun round to put his back to her. ‘Get going. And take some bloody clothes with you!’

‘I can’t. They’re over there where you are.’

‘In that case just get yourself into that bathroom the way you are. But I won’t be here when you come out. I’ll be downstairs somewhere, chatting up Cynthia!’

Ryan breathed a sigh of relief once Laura was safely in the bathroom. She hadn’t been far wrong with her caustic remark about his losing control at the sight of her nakedness. He’d done his best to sound calm and reasonable when he’d given her the chance to change her mind—and when he’d reminded her that any relationship with him was never a permanent one. But underneath his cool exterior, he’d been struggling all the while to ignore the less-than-cool messages his body kept sending him.

He wasn’t sure what he would have done if she’d said no, Ryan, I don’t want to have any more sex with you. He suspected his behaviour at that point in time might not have been very noble. Only the knowledge that he could take her to bed tonight and on many more future nights had put some sanity into his head and some control over his wayward flesh.

Ryan shook his head as he sat down to put on his socks and shoes. It had been a long time since a woman had got under his skin the way Laura had. Actually, he could not remember it happening before at all. Ever!

Any other man might have imagined he was falling in love but Ryan knew differently. Romantic love was not an emotion he was capable of, not since he’d seen up close and personally what that kind of love had done to his mother. Ryan had only been twelve when he’d vowed never to fall in love, or marry, or have children. And nothing had happened since to change his mind on that score.

So, no, he knew he wasn’t in love with Laura. It was desire which was possessing him at the moment, a desire which was heightened by her lack of sexual experience. He could not wait to show her everything. Tonight simply could not come quickly enough!

CHAPTER TWENTY

‘THANK God you rang me,’ were Alison’s first words. ‘I’ve been dying of curiosity all morning.’

‘It’s only ten-thirty,’ Laura told her friend. ‘I couldn’t ring you before. I haven’t had a minute to myself.’

A white lie, actually. She’d been alone upstairs for a good while before breakfast but had spent the time trying to get her head around things. As soon as Ryan had left the room and she’d been out of his corrupting presence, Laura had been besieged by doubt over what she’d agreed to.

So much for her much-vaunted pride! She felt disgusted with herself, not so much for sleeping with him last night—wild horses could not have stopped her from doing that!—but for agreeing to sleep with him some more without his offering her anything in return. He’d not even offered her the face-saving grace of becoming a proper girlfriend. He hadn’t said a word about dating her, just about sex.

On top of that he expected her to waltz into work and announce that he was no longer her client? What excuse could she possibly give? ‘Sorry but he’s screwing me now and he doesn’t screw women he works with’?

The man wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too, came the mutinous thought.

The trouble was she still wanted him on any terms. The shock and shame of this realisation was almost too much to bear.

She’d had to force herself to go downstairs for breakfast and to face not just Ryan but the rest of the family. She’d found them all in the kitchen being treated to one of Aunt Cynthia’s over-the-top English-style breakfasts. Laura was never one for eating anything heavy in the mornings and would usually have refused, but this time she’d allowed herself to be fed bacon, eggs, baked beans and fried tomatoes with lashings of toast, because that way she hadn’t had to talk much.

After breakfast, she’d helped her aunt wash up whilst Ryan had whisked Jane off on the promised drive in his convertible. He still hadn’t returned half an hour later, which had given Laura the opportunity to go upstairs and finally ring her friend.

‘You sound a little strained,’ Alison said. ‘Please don’t tell me that nothing happened last night between you two?’

‘Something happened all right.’

‘Ooh. Do tell.’

Laura told her everything. Well, not in minute detail, but in broad strokes; some things were too private to divulge. And possibly too embarrassing. But she certainly told her every single thing about the chat Ryan had had with her when she had woken up, plus her decision to continue her affair with Ryan even though she knew it was heading nowhere.

‘Please don’t tell me I’m a fool,’ she finished up, feeling drained all of a sudden.

‘Far from it,’ Alison said. ‘If I were in your position I’d do exactly the same.’

‘You would?’

‘Yes, of course! After all, Laura, what’s your alternative? You crawl back into an even more bitter and frustrated spinster cave where you hate all men and never have any fun?’

‘But what if I fall in love with him, Alison?’ she cried, voicing the worst fear she had about the situation. ‘I can’t afford to fall for another Mr Wrong. I just can’t!’

‘But this is different to the other two. Can’t you see that? They pretended they loved you. Ryan wants nothing from you but your body.’

‘But that sounds so cheap and nasty!’

‘Not to me, it doesn’t. To me it sounds seriously sexy. Go for it, I say. And, if you fall in love with him, so what? You might be sad for a while when it’s over, but you won’t be left feeling bitter and betrayed. You’ll have some wonderful memories of a great lover who’s made you see how beautiful and sexy you are. And, who knows? You might turn out to be the one.’

‘What one?’

‘The one who changes his mind about love and marriage.’

Laura laughed. ‘You don’t know Ryan.’

‘Maybe not, but I’d like to. Why don’t you bring him over next weekend for a barbeque?’

‘I don’t think he wants that kind of relationship.’

‘You mean he just wants sex from you and nothing else?’ Now Alison sounded shocked. ‘No dates or anything like that?’

‘I think so.’

‘Now, that is cheap and nasty. You wouldn’t settle for that, Laura? Surely?’

‘That’s what I’m afraid of, Alison. That I might settle for any arrangement with him.’

‘Oh dear …’

‘What do you mean by saying “oh dear” like that?’

Alison stopped herself just in time from telling her friend that it sounded like she was already in love with him. Nothing was to be gained by telling her, if that was the case.

But she had an awful feeling that this affair was not going to turn out well for Laura. There was nothing to be gained by telling her that, either. She was damned if she did, and damned if she didn’t.

‘I just don’t like the thought of your agreeing to anything, Laura,’ she said instead. ‘Don’t lose your pride over the man, no matter how good he is in bed.’

‘A minute ago you were all for my having more sex with him!’ Laura exclaimed, sounding exasperated.

‘I am. Truly. Just … be careful.’

Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t encouraged Laura to go to bed with him.

‘I have to go, Alison. I can hear Ryan’s car coming up the drive.’

‘Ring me tonight, will you?’

‘Maybe not till tomorrow,’ Laura returned. ‘I might be busy tonight.’

Of course, Alison thought sourly. The lord and master of the bedroom will want another dose of what he’d obviously enjoyed last night. And Alison knew what that was—relative innocence. That was what intrigued him about Laura, came the sudden, highly intuitive realisation. She wasn’t like all the other Penthouse Pet types that playboys usually bedded. She was a lovely sincere girl with a warm heart who hadn’t slept around, and who was way too vulnerable for the likes of Ryan Armstrong.

Alison grimaced as she wished she could take back all the stupid advice she’d given Laura, both yesterday and today. She should have realised that her friend wasn’t cut out for strictly sexual flings. She was going to get hurt again and she, Alison, would be partly responsible. But it was too late now. The die had been cast and Laura would just have to roll with it. All Alison could do was be there when the end came.

But she wasn’t looking forward to it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

‘YOUR family’s not that bad, Laura,’ were Ryan’s first words as they drove away from the house.

Laura sighed. ‘They were greatly improved this weekend,’ she admitted. ‘But that was because of your influence. You had Gran eating out of your hand over lunch. What on earth did you say to her during that drive? She seemed much brighter than yesterday.’

‘I hardly said a word; she did most of the talking. Told me where to drive. I just followed orders. She showed me the village and the church, the one near the Hunter Valley gardens. By the way, she said to tell you that that was where she wanted her funeral service to be held.’

‘Oh, for pity’s sake!’

‘She wasn’t being maudlin, Laura. Just practical.’

‘But she won’t die now. Not for ages. What else did she say? She didn’t drop any hints about our getting engaged, did she?’

‘Not directly. Though she did point out that they use that church for a lot weddings as well.’

‘And what did you say to that?’

‘Nothing, that I recall.’

‘You must have said something to make her look so pleased with you.’

‘I did promise to come to her eightieth-birthday party in November.’

‘Oh no. Do you think that was a good idea?’

‘I don’t see why not.’

‘Well, I mean, we might not last that long.’ Laura’s conversation with Alison had made her determined not to get any silly female hopes up where Ryan was concerned.

His sharp sideways glance startled her. ‘My girlfriends usually last more than two months, Miss Cynical.’

Laura tried to remain looking cool but it was difficult when her heart had just turned over with a ridiculous burst of happiness. ‘You mean you want to make our relationship a public one?’

Now he looked quite annoyed. ‘Well, of course I do! What had you been envisaging? That I would keep you as some dirty little secret? Why on earth would I do that?’

Laura knew she couldn’t tell him the truth—that she’d been imagining just that. ‘I guess because I’m not the kind of gorgeous, glamorous female that you usually date,’ she said instead.

‘Good God, Laura, did you get a look at yourself last night? You are just as gorgeous and glamorous-looking as any of my previous girlfriends.’

‘But I don’t usually look like that on a day-to-day basis, as you well know.’

‘There’s no reason why you can’t. All you have to do is go shopping for some more new clothes and wear a bit of make-up occasionally.’

‘People at work will wonder what’s happened to me.’

‘So? Do you honestly care what they think?’

‘Yes, I do,’ she admitted. The end result of such a radical makeover was slowly sinking in. She didn’t want her colleagues laughing at her behind her back. She would look a complete fool if she went in there all glammed up and told them Ryan could no longer be her client because she was dating him. They all knew what he was like. The women there had often made caustic remarks about his being a serial ladykiller.

‘No, Ryan,’ she said firmly, surprising herself.

He slanted her a startled glance. ‘No what?’

‘No, I don’t want to buy a whole new wardrobe and, no, I don’t want to be your girlfriend.’

The sudden silence inside the car was electric with unspoken tension. She saw his knuckles go white as he gripped the steering wheel; saw his shoulders rise.

‘You don’t mean that,’ he said at last, his tone one of sheer disbelief.

‘But I do.’

‘You don’t want to sleep with me any more?’

‘I didn’t say that.’

His head whipped round, shock written all over his face. Laura was pretty shocked herself—at herself, for voicing out loud what had suddenly entered her head. That it was he she wanted to keep as her dirty little secret, not the other way round.

When his car drifted dangerously close to the lane next to them—and the truck which was rumbling along at high speed—Ryan quickly returned his attention to his driving, swearing volubly as he righted the car, slowing down appreciably before he spoke again.

‘You can’t be seriously suggesting what I think you’re suggesting,’ he bit out, obviously not happy with being cast in the role of her secret lover.

Now that the initial shock of her suggestion had worn off, Laura found herself quite taken with the idea. How better to protect herself from future hurt and humiliation than by keeping their affair strictly sexual and, yes, totally secret? Not to mention brief. No one knew better than Laura that time and sustained intimacy—even that of a strictly sexual nature—would ultimately be her undoing. A week or two should be long enough to burn out a good degree of the lust that was still plaguing her, she decided. Long enough too to satisfy her curiosity over all those wildly erotic things Ryan claimed he could show her.

‘It would be the best solution all round,’ she said, feeling strangely exhilarated at having taken control of her destiny. ‘You’re a great lover, Ryan. Possibly the best I’ll ever have in my lifetime. Which is why I want to sample some more of your incredible talent in the bedroom.

‘But we both know you won’t ever give me what I really want—which is a husband and a family. Added to that is the fact that I’m not getting any younger. Frankly, becoming your girlfriend, even for a few months, is a waste of my valuable time.

‘The truth is I just want to have some more sex with you, but not for too long. A couple of weeks should do the trick. I appreciate my somewhat radical proposal might be a blow to your ego, but think of the plus side—you won’t have to take me out anywhere or buy me expensive dinners. You won’t have to meet my friends. All you have to do is—’

‘Don’t you dare use that word!’ Ryan broke in savagely.

Laura found his outrage extremely hypocritical, something which he said he despised. ‘I was only going to say shag,’ she invented. She’d actually been going to say ‘make love to me’ in a momentary lack of concentration.

‘I hate that word too.’

‘Lord, but aren’t we the sensitive one all of a sudden? And this from a man who had no qualms pointing out to me that all he was good for was sex. What would you prefer to call it then? Bonk? Screw?’

‘I would prefer that you agreed to become my girlfriend for real!’ he snapped.

Laura’s back teeth clenched together hard in her jaw, as the temptation to say yes was almost overwhelming.

‘Sorry,’ she bit out. ‘No can do.’

‘Sorry?’ he retorted, throwing her a savage glance. ‘I don’t think you’re sorry at all.’

‘And I think you should keep your eyes on the road,’ she said when the car drifted once again.

He swore, using the four-letter word he hadn’t wanted her to say. He didn’t apologise, however. Instead, he fell silent and sped up, the car eating up the miles as only a powerful sports car could. Laura fell stubbornly silent too, determined not to weaken in her resolve to retain control of her life and this affair. They’d crossed the Hawkesbury River Bridge and were drawing near the outer suburbs of Sydney before Ryan spoke again.

‘Right,’ he said abruptly. ‘Now that I’ve calmed down, this is the way I see the situation. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that all I want from you is sex. I like you, Laura. Like your company and your conversation. I would enjoy taking you places and buying you expensive dinners. I would especially enjoy seeing you throw off that ridiculously tough façade you’ve been hiding behind and become the warm, beautiful, sexy, sophisticated woman which I know you could be.

‘As for my wasting your valuable time, I don’t believe any time you spend with me would be a waste. Life should not always be lived for the future, but sometimes for the here and now.’

He paused for a long moment, perhaps waiting for his quite seductive argument to work its magic on her. But Laura wasn’t at all convinced. She did not believe in that live-for-the-mo-ment rubbish. Unless fate stepped in with an unfortunately terminal accident or disease, the future inevitably arrived, during which you had to live with what you’d done in the past. It was all right for him; he didn’t fall in love. But she did! And she wasn’t going to. Not this time!

‘I see,’ he said with a rueful glance at her unmoved face. ‘Obviously what I believe is irrelevant. Look, I’m not in the business of trying to change a woman’s mind. But neither am I going to agree to such a ridiculous scheme. At the same time, I still want you, Laura—with a rather irrational desire, I am discovering. So I will stay with you tonight and endeavour to give you lots of the only thing you want from me. But, come tomorrow morning, that will be that. Our ways will part, never to be crossed again. That’s my counter proposal. If you don’t agree, then I’m afraid it will be quits today at your door.’

Laura sucked in sharply, her emotions in immediate disarray. So much for her façade of cool control!

Fury that he’d accused her of callously using him mingled with panic at the possibility that she would never be with him again. Which would be the case if she didn’t agree to his ‘counter proposal’. But how could she agree now? He’d already made her sound like some sex-crazed fool who’d thrown away any chance of a real relationship in exchange for a fortnight’s sex. To agree to just one night of the same seemed so much worse.

She wasn’t that desperate, was she?

‘I’m sorry you think so badly of me,’ she said, her voice sounding calm despite a trembling starting deep inside. ‘I was just trying to be honest with you with my proposal, and not hypocritical. I don’t think you can blame me for suggesting a sex-only affair when you yourself said you couldn’t offer me any form of commitment. But I can see now that such an arrangement won’t work for me, even for one more night. It is far better that we call it quits today, then you can move on the way you say you always do, and so will I. Hopefully, the next time I find a man I fancy, he’ll want more than a temporary relationship.’

Ryan clenched his teeth down hard in his jaw as he listened to her quite stunning rejection of his proposal. And there he’d been, thinking she would not dare knock him back, not when she’d virtually admitted she was mad for him. He’d imagined that he’d backed her into a corner where he’d be the one in control and she would come begging for more. Which was what he wanted—more of Laura, naked and willing, in his arms. But on his terms, not hers. A man did have his pride.

Unfortunately, pride did have its downside. He was the one backed into a corner now. And there’d be no begging from his corner.

‘Fine,’ he bit out. ‘We’ll call it quits today.’

It was like a physical blow to Laura. She struggled not to cry out, then not to cry. Oh God, what had she done? Suddenly even one night with him was better than this … this emptiness.

‘I will leave it up to you to arrange for another lawyer to be sent to me every Friday afternoon,’ he went on, his voice sounding bitter. ‘I don’t care what excuse you give.’

‘All right,’ she said, her own voice sounding bleak.

‘Now, if you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk any more.’ And he turned on the radio, at the same time pressing whatever button it took for the roof automatically to go back into place.

Laura’s heart sank. The roof closing was like a sign that everything was over. They were over.

She turned her face away towards the passenger window so Ryan couldn’t see the tears filling her eyes.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

IT STARTED to rain not long after they left the motorway, a grey drizzle which reflected the condition of Laura’s emotions. She ached to say something to take away the horribly strained silence which had permeated the car since their argument, but could not seem to find the courage to speak up.

Or was it common sense keeping her quiet?

If she were brutally honest, Laura suspected that if she opened her mouth she would start apologising wildly, then agreeing to whatever Ryan wanted just so that he wouldn’t drop her at her door. The thought of never seeing him again was appalling, so appalling that she began to wonder if she’d already fallen in love with him. It seemed unlikely, but why else would she feel so devastated? Surely it couldn’t still be just lust driving her feelings?

But, even as she speculated on the reason behind her despair, her eyes slid over to where Ryan’s hands were wrapped around the steering wheel. His hands were large, with long, strong fingers which had no doubt helped make him become a success as a goalkeeper. But none of that mattered to Laura. All she could think about when she looked at his hands was how gentle they’d been on her. Gentle, yet knowing. They’d explored all her orifices with stunning intimacy. She could feel them now, inside her, stroking, teasing, arousing.

Oh God, she thought as her body was suddenly overwhelmed by the most intense longing; her belly tightened as did her nipples. At least now I know, she thought wildly as hot blood roared around her veins, flushing her cheeks and making her break out into strangely chilling goose-bumps. Not love—still just lust.

She almost died of shame when he glanced over at her at that precise moment. It was impossible to hide the telling evidence of her flaming face. Impossible to look anything but what she was: desperate for him.

Yet he didn’t say a single word. He just stared at her for a long moment before returning his attention to the road. But she saw that his knuckles had whitened, and she could feel an answering tension in him. He knew what she wanted, and he wanted the same thing.

Not a word was spoken when he pulled up outside her house. They climbed out in the most appalling silence. Ryan helped her to carry her things up onto the front porch. Rambo didn’t make an appearance, which surprised her. Possibly he was curled up asleep in the neighbour’s rocking chair which was something he liked to do when she was away. She was left to fumble with her keys. Once the door was open, she turned to face Ryan, terrified that he would still leave, and equally terrified that he wouldn’t.

‘Ryan, I—’

‘Just shut up,’ he broke in, his face and eyes tormented as he dropped everything he was holding onto the verandah and pushed her inside the hallway, kicking the door shut behind him.

There was no question of fighting him, or even protesting, because she wanted him to do what it was obvious he was going to do. The trembling had already started inside. The trembling and the wild, uncontrollable excitement.

Yes, yes, slam me up against the wall, she urged silently as he did exactly that. Kiss me till I can’t think. Rip my clothes off. Ravish me.

‘God help me!’ she cried out when he finally surged up into her.

It was a manic mating; raw, rough and totally beyond reason. Beyond everything in this world which smacked of common sense and control.

And she revelled in it, her mouth gasping wide as he plundered her depths with the most primal passion. He came first, the fierce spasms of his flesh triggering her own cataclysmic climax. Laura’s release was so intense, so overwhelming, that she started to sob afterwards, tears streaming down her face as her arms flopped down by her side and her legs went to jelly. She might have slid down to the floor if Ryan’s body hadn’t been holding her up.

‘Oh God, Laura,’ he groaned, then clasped her tightly to him. ‘I’m so sorry. So dreadfully sorry.’