Valentine's Dream

His dark eyes were watchful and discerning. His wide mouth showed signs of a smile. His brows were black and finely arched over discerning eyes that watched her through thin, wireless glasses that were almost undetectable until he was right in front of her. His skin was a rich earth brown, and his face was clean-shaven, with masculine contours and angles. Grace kept her gaze on his face but avoided direct eye contact. Finally, in self-defense, she resurrected those impressions she’d formed of him at their first meeting, some eight years ago. She held those memories up like an invisible shield, as if he was somehow a danger to her.

He tucked his chin as he thoughtfully considered her. “Why do I get the feeling you were trying to avoid me?”

His voice was confident. Although strong and deep, Grace knew that it could also be very quiet, a steadying force. Ignoring his astute observation, however, she hid her embarrassment behind a smile.

“Carter. My goodness. What are you doing here?”

“First thing’s first,” he said. “How about a proper hello?”

Grace started sharply, thinking he was going to embrace her right there in the hall. Instead, he merely bent forward to kiss her on a cheek.

“I know you’re working, but I don’t think that was too out of line.”

She stood stiffly at his greeting, feeling the warm imprint of his lips on her skin, lips that momentarily quickened her breathing. “It doesn’t matter. By tomorrow someone will ask me, ‘who was that man?’”

“And your answer?” he baited smoothly.

“I’ll say you’re a family friend whom I wasn’t expecting to see,” she said indifferently. She could tell that he was monitoring her reaction to him. “But to get back to my question—”

Carter stretched his arms out to the sides so that she might see how he was dressed. “I was invited. I’m one of the guests.”

Grace gave him a quick up and down glance. She’d seen him in a tuxedo before. He did it justice, appearing not only urbane and sophisticated, but with an air of authority that could be intimidating. It had taken her a while to learn he could be otherwise.

“A guest? You mean you flew in from Chicago just for the evening?”

He slipped his hands into the pockets of his formal slacks. “More than just an evening. Actually, I’m in New York for about ten days to take care of business.”

“Really. Where are you staying?” She couldn’t help asking.

“Through my company, I have guest privileges at a midtown club.” He took a moment to study her features and said quietly, “I thought of calling to let you know I would be in.”

“Checking up on me?” Grace shook her head. “You don’t have to do that. I’m doing fine, and I know you’re busy. You do have a life that has nothing to do with Benson and his family. And he’s been gone three years.”

He nodded, considering her words. “I know that. But, like you just said, I am a family friend. I’d like to stay in touch. I’d like to—”

Grace put her hand out to stop him, taking a deep breath. “Look...you’re here for a party. I can’t keep you standing here, and I’m supposed to be working. Please, go back inside and finish dinner. I’ve got things to take care of....”

“You’re right. I don’t want you to get in trouble on my account.” Carter put his hand around her elbow for a brief moment, squeezing it before releasing her. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

Throughout the rest of the evening, Grace found herself constantly distracted and a little off balance owing not only to Carter Morrison’s sudden appearance, but also to the one unsettling memory she’d retained from their last encounter. It had been at the memorial service for her late husband, Benson.

Grace now moved briskly, not giving herself any more time to let her mind or attention slip into reflection, or to process the fact that Carter was not only in New York, but would be here for nearly two weeks. She oversaw the timely cleanup and dismantling of the bar. She accepted the praise of one of the corporate honchos, who was pleased with the level of service from her staff. Of course, Grace had to put his comments in perspective, given the distinct possibility that he may have had too much to drink, or was expecting her institution to concede another favor.

But for the rest of the night, there was no denying that a part of her was absorbed by the presentations, speeches, laughter and applause that flowed out from the guests dining in the rotunda. She was surprised when Carter was introduced to accept an award. She stood listening to his humorous acceptance speech, which drew laughter and applause. Also evident was the effortless way Carter showed himself as someone who could be trusted. Nonetheless, later, as the guests trickled out of the rotunda after dinner, she made a point of being someplace else.

After nearly everyone had left, one of the female guards approached Grace as she talked over the evening with her coworker, Brian. The guard was holding a square glass vase with an exotic arrangement of hothouse flowers. They had been part of the decoration for the night.

“I saved this for you, Ms. Haley,” said the chubby woman as she smiled at Grace.

“Carmen, you know we’re supposed to leave everything for the night crew to clean up.”

Carmen made a dismissive face. “Why should they get everything? You know they are not going to throw out these beautiful flowers and the vase. They’re going to take ’em home. The way I figure, it’s like taking the centerpiece home when you go to a wedding reception, right?”

Grace laughed but still didn’t accept the arrangement being held out to her. “Why don’t you keep them? I’ll pretend you didn’t say anything to me about it.”

“I already got one,” Carmen said conspiratorially.

“Carmen, I really don’t think I should. How will it look if the events coordinator for the society is caught sneaking off with the floral arrangements? Even if it were okay, I can’t take those home with me on the train.”

“Tell you what. Don’t worry about it, okay? If you come into your office in the morning, and there happens to be this big thing of flowers on your desk, you can act surprised and say you have a secret admirer or something like that.”

“Whatever.” Grace gave in with a grin as Carmen walked away, carefully balancing the vase.

There was plenty to take care of, and Grace was glad that her duties kept her away from the exit and the departing guests. She reasoned that she wasn’t really avoiding Carter, but that she was fulfilling her responsibilities for the evening. When she finally switched from black, high-heeled pumps to her winter boots and put on a stylish black wool overcoat, Grace realized she had a mere thirty-five minutes to catch her commuter train. She said good-night to the last of the cleanup staff and exited the building through a side security door.

Despite the late hour, there was plenty of traffic on the Midtown Manhattan street, and Grace had no qualms about walking the six blocks to Grand Central Station alone. But she’d gone no more than a few yards when the driver’s door of a town car double-parked near the corner suddenly opened and out stepped Carter.

Grace slowed her steps, astonished to see him again.

“You’re not waiting for me, are you?” she asked.

“Are you done for the night?”

He stood with the car door open and the engine running. He wore no coat over his tuxedo, and his breath vaporized in the late-January air. The streets still had piles of dirty snow from a heavy snowfall the previous weekend.

“Yes. I’m on my way to Grand Central to catch my train. I’ve really got to run.” Grace waved casually to Carter as she walked away.

He beckoned to her. “Get in. I’ll drive you home.”

She shook her head. “That’s nice of you, Carter, but crazy. You don’t want to go all the way up to Westchester at this hour.”

“It’s my invitation, my decision. All you have to do is say yes. Unless you really want to ride the train alone this late. Or maybe it’s me?”

Grace was forced to stop completely. She regarded him with wary embarrassment. To her, Carter sounded neither angry nor hurt, but was simply speculating.

“That’s not true,” she said quietly. But even to her ears, her disclaimer came across as insincere. “I just assumed you’d want to hang out awhile with some of your associates.”

“That’s why we all attended the dinner. I’m off the clock now. This is my time.”

“Right. But you don’t have to spend it with me every time you come to the city,” Grace said, trying to walk away.

“Benson was my best friend, Grace. I was there at your wedding. I’m godfather to one of your kids. So far it’s fair to say I haven’t really been here for you when you’ve needed anything, especially after Benson died. And he did ask me to keep an eye on his family if anything ever happened to him.”

Grace faced him squarely. She also remembered Benson making that request. It had come right after Carter, the best man, had given an eloquent toast at their wedding reception.

“I can’t hold you to that, Carter. It was eight years ago....”

Two men passed behind her, deep in conversation. A lone woman on a cell phone passed in front. Grace was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, and it was cold.

“Come on. Get in,” Carter repeated and waited.

Grace took a deep breath and slowly walked toward the car. By the time she’d reached the passenger side, Carter had come around the front of the vehicle to open and hold the door for her. She settled herself in the front seat and waited for him to get behind the wheel. In the few seconds it took for him to climb in and put on his seat belt, she had accepted the situation. Besides...the car was deliciously warm, with a luxurious leather interior, and she was grateful that she’d been spared a grim late-night Metro-North train ride to the suburbs.

Neither said anything for several blocks, as Carter navigated traffic and headed to the east side of the island and the FDR Drive. It was the quickest route to the Major Deegan Expressway and north into Westchester County.

“Are you warm enough?” he asked, making a turn at an intersection.

“Yes, thank you,” Grace said, pulling off her gloves and stuffing them into her tote bag. She noted that Carter knew his away around the city like a native. She stole a glance at his profile, noticing the familiar firm set of his jaw and his unconscious habit of flexing the muscles there. Her gaze went to his hands, curved around the steering wheel. His nails were clean and his fingers were long, tapered and capable. She stared out the windshield at the traffic and the city lights as they sped along. “I’m sorry I was rude to you tonight. I didn’t mean to be, Carter.”

“Not consciously, maybe. But I don’t think you were particularly happy to see me.”

“I didn’t expect to see you. It’s been a long time.”

“Only seven months.”

“You came in for a quick meeting before flying over to Germany.”

“It was also Becca’s birthday. We’re going to go through this every time we see each other.”

It was a statement, not a question. Grace felt bad that she’d given him the impression that she didn’t want to see him, but she also felt that she’d been put on the defensive.

“I was working. I was distracted. There was so much going on at the gala, and...”

“Relax, Grace. Apology accepted, okay?”

She glared at his profile. “That wasn’t an apology.”

“Look, I’m going to rewind the tape back to the beginning of the evening, and we’re going to start over.”

Grace was surprised at how relieved she felt that Carter had adroitly smoothed over the awkwardness. It also annoyed her that he didn’t seem nearly as unsettled as she felt.

“If you want,” she agreed.

“You first,” Carter said, giving her a brief glance.

“Carter! It’s so great to see you,” Grace exclaimed with exaggerated excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be in New York? I would have baked a cake.”

He grimaced and shook his head. “Be careful. Don’t overdo it.”

Grace stared ahead. “I’m being real now. I was shocked to suddenly see you. And it is nice to see you. Honest.”

He chuckled, his wide smile showing white, even teeth, and his eyes almost squinting in amusement. “Okay. I’ll accept that. Sorry I didn’t let you know I was coming, but I didn’t find out myself until early this morning.”

“Why so last minute?”

“Actually, not so last minute. I knew a few days ago that the firm was offering me a new position that would mean moving to New York.”

“Oh.”

“There was a lot to consider. Do I want to move to the city?”

She waited, not hearing any definitive answer. “Did coming to the dinner tonight have anything to do with the offer?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. I flew in early enough to meet my new colleagues, to see my new office, to look over a few apartments I can choose from to lease until I decide on more permanent housing.”

“Oh.”

He started laughing. “Oh? I can’t decide if that means you’re surprised, happy, disappointed or what.”

“It just means oh,” Grace said noncommittally.

“Fine. Anyway, once I knew I was attending the gala, I called your office. They said you were busy getting ready for an event this evening, so at least I knew you’d be on hand. I thought I’d surprise you.”

“Well, you certainly did that,” Grace murmured a little dryly. She glanced at him. “Are you really going to move to New York?”

“Looks like it,” he said, glancing her way again. Silence spread between them for almost a full minute before he spoke again. “Is that going to be a problem?”

Grace shrugged. “Why should it?”

For the rest of the ride to her house, they managed to keep the conversation on the safe topic of his job, which was as financial executive for an international corporate firm. Grace got questioned about her position as events coordinator for a private library, a major step up from working in guest services. They talked about mutual acquaintances and family. About Madison and Becca, her two young children. About Benson. They reached the quiet and orderly suburban community in Westchester, which lay immediately north or the city, in about forty minutes.

“You’ll have to take me to the station. I left my car there this morning.”

Grace gave Carter directions. Her late-model Honda Accord was among only five cars remaining in the commuter lot. She got in and started the engine, and Carter followed closely behind her as she headed home.

They finally reached Grace’s house in a quiet residential neighborhood of spacious detached homes. The raised ranch, which she and Benson had considered their starter home, intending to move once he felt more secure in his position as one of several deputies in the mayor’s office, was on a quarter-acre lot set back from the street. It had a modest circular drive and was landscaped with several trees that provided a natural but subtle screen from passing vehicular and pedestrian traffic. There was still quite a bit of snow around the property.

Grace turned into her driveway, and Carter pulled in behind her, turning off his engine. She thought that he would get out of his car to say good-night, and when he didn’t, she climbed inside instead. Immediately, the suburban stillness closed in around them. The warmth from the car heater began to quickly dissipate.

Grace wasn’t sure why, but she waited for Carter to say something first.

“Before I forget, I have something for you,” Carter said. He reached behind her seat and grabbed a small, gold-toned shopping bag with red-and-gold ribbons tied to the handles. He set it in her lap.

Grace stared at the bag without touching it. She felt a peculiar sensation, a cross between surprise at the unexpected gift...and suspicion.

“What is it?”

“It’s the goody bag the company prepared for all the guests. I took one for you.”

She looked at him and half smiled in exasperation. “First Carmen and now you?”

“Who’s Carmen?”

“Oh...never mind. Why are you giving this to me?” Grace asked, poking through the red tissue paper to look inside.

“Because there won’t be a thing in the bag that I want or can use. The goody bags are for the women guests. It’s yours.”

“Thank you. But isn’t there someone else you can give it to?” she asked.

Carter shifted in his seat so that he could fully face her. His gaze was thoughtful, but also faintly amused.

“Is that your way of asking whether I’m seeing anyone?”

Grace turned her head away in a haughty manner. “I wasn’t trying to be nosy.”

“There is someone I’m interested in. The relationship is still new, but I have high hopes,” Carter explained.

“Well. That’s nice,” Grace murmured, checking to make sure she had all her things. Taking her house keys from her purse, she added, “You never liked any of the women Benson tried to set you up with.”

“Benson had no idea what kind of woman I want.”

“He could be opinionated, but I know he meant well.”

“I know he meant well, too,” Carter agreed.

Grace realized she was waiting for Carter to elaborate on who he might be dating. He changed the subject instead.

“Tell me about the kids. How are they?”

She suspected this was a diversionary tactic so she’d stop tiptoeing around the issue of his personal life. She sighed in resignation. “Good. Becca is—”

“Going to be a heartbreaker.” Carter chuckled.

“My father says the same thing. Of course, she’s got him wrapped around her finger. Madison is going to be tall, like Benson.”

It was a natural comparison, but Grace felt awkward saying so. Carter never missed a beat and didn’t appear to find the reference uncomfortable.

“I bet he’s a handful.”

“Sometimes. He’s got more energy than he knows what to do with. Definitely all boy.”

“Do you think I could see them while I’m here? They probably won’t remember who I am.”

“I think they might. You must have promised Madison you’d take him to a basketball game, because he talks about it now and then.”

“I’d like to keep that promise.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Grace demurred. She played idly with the gold ribbons on the gift bag. “I owe you an apology.”

“Why?”

“I never thanked you for sending Becca that sweet Valentine’s Day candy last February. Or that little stuffed lamb for her birthday. She’s very attached to it. It’s filthy—” she broke out into a rich laugh “—but I’m afraid to wash it. She might throw a fit.”

“Then I wouldn’t if I were you.”

She glanced at him openly. “And I never thanked you for the flowers and candy you sent me, either. It was very thoughtful, Carter.”

He shrugged, embarrassed. “No need to thank me. I hope you enjoyed everything.”

“I loved the flowers. Never got any of the candy. The kids beat me to it.”

Carter laughed again. For some reason, it made Grace feel good that she could make him laugh. Carter had always struck her in the past as too serious.

“I guess I’ll have to do something different this year.”

“Don’t,” Grace quickly said. “It’s not your responsibility.”

He sat up straight in his seat. “I’m sorry. I forgot that you might be seeing someone.”

“I’m not. At the moment,” she said, quickly qualifying her answer. “The kids and my job take up a lot of my life. That’s not a complaint, by the way.”

He silently nodded. “How’s Marjorie?”

“Marjorie is doing fine. She adores the children, of course. I don’t know what she would have done if her only child had died before making her a grandmother.”

“Do I hear a bit of—”

“No, you don’t. Marjorie can sometimes have a one-track mind, but don’t you think it’s understandable that she misses Benson?”

“What you’re saying is, she hasn’t let him go yet.”

Grace sighed. “Maybe we can’t expect her to. How do you put a time limit on grief?”

“How about you? Do you hold him in your memories?”

She stared straight ahead out the windshield. “I have two children with Benson. Of course I think about him. They remind me every day of my life.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he said quietly.

Grace searched blindly for the door handle. “You know, it’s really late, and I better go in. And you still have to drive back to the city. I appreciate the ride, Carter. It was nice of you to go out of your way.”

He lightly touched her shoulder, and it stayed her as she glanced back at him.

“I’m serious. I’d like to see the kids. Do you think that’s possible? I have to return to Chicago in about a week to wrap up some business and arrange for the move here. Can I see all of you before I go?”

There was an element of appeal in his voice that touched Grace because it came across as sincere. But rather than responding, she found herself weighing the ramifications. She was about to suggest that perhaps getting together should wait for another time, hoping that by then his interest would have waned, when he spoke again.

“How about this coming Saturday?”

She thought about it. In all honesty, there was no reason why he couldn’t visit for a few hours, even though she was reluctant to encourage his sense of responsibility to her children.

“I’ve got a couple of household errands and chores to do in the morning. Madison and Becca have a swim class. Afterward, I’m taking them to a local ice-skating rink. Then I treat them to lunch at the local mall.”

“Why don’t I join you for lunch?”

“If you want,” Grace said in an offhand manner before finally getting out of the car.

She heard the driver’s door close and realized that Carter intended to walk her right up to the front door.

They stood under the entrance light and faced each other. Carter’s gaze seemed to roam her face, taking in all of her features. She tried to ignore the fact that he was staring.

“I know you have to go inside and relieve the babysitter....”

Grace shook her head. “The kids are with Marjorie tonight. She’s very good about volunteering to keep them when I have to work late. I’ll pick them up in the morning and drop them off at school before heading to work.”

He nodded his head to indicate he was listening, but Grace was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under his persistent scrutiny. Finally, Carter broke his trance.

“Sounds like you have a system that works. What do you do when you want or need time to yourself?”

She laughed. “Haven’t you heard? Mommies don’t get time off. We’re not allowed to get sick, either.”

He shook his head sadly. “All work and no play. Gotta do something ’bout that.”

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“I’ll get back to you,” Carter said lightly. “I should let you go in. It’s great to see you again, Grace.”

“Thanks again for the ride.”

Carter slowly raised and opened his arms. There was only a fleeting instant of awkward hesitation before Grace took one tentative step forward into them. Their embrace was loose, brief, not at all romantic but familiar. She patted his shoulder, like she often did with her children when they needed comforting. Carter glided his hand back and forth across her back before they stepped apart.

Again memories of the past came back to Grace, and she felt a brief but heavy sense of guilt. She inhaled the cold air to shake it off.

“I’ll see you Saturday,” he said, returning to his car.

“Good night, Carter. Drive safe.”

“Oh, by the way,” he said, about to climb back into the driver’s seat. “I really like your hair cut short that way. It’s very becoming.”

Grace didn’t respond to the compliment. Benson had liked her hair long, but it was more work that way. Cutting her hair had been one of the first things she’d done once things had settled down after Benson’s death. The new grown-up style was her declaration of independence and break from the past. She saw no point in looking back. She tried to remember that as Carter turned over his car engine.

She turned to unlock her door as he reversed the town car into the street and drove away.