Representative Plays by American Dramatists: 1856-1911: Rip van

Knickerbocker.

I belong to the corporation, and we must support our corporation as well as it. But not a word about the pig, as the butchers have it, when you were a little boy, and Alice courting me.

Alice.

I court you, sirrah? what mean you?

Knickerbocker.

Sirrah! Mr. Knickerbocker, if you please. Why, then, deary—we didn't like anyone to intrude on our society; do you take the hint? as the gamblers have it. Come along, Alice—Mrs. Knickerbocker, I would say—let us leave the lovers to themselves.

Alice.

Again they meet, and sweet's the love that meets return.

Exeunt Knickerbocker and Alice, singing in concert, “Again they meet.”

Gustaffe.

My dear Lorrenna, why this dejected look?—It is your own Gustaffe enfolds you in his arms.

Lorrenna.

Alas! I am no longer worthy of your love,—your friendship. A fatal bond extracted from my lamented father has severed us forever—I am devoid of fortune.

Gustaffe.

Lorrenna, you have been the star that has guided my bark,—thee, my compass—my north pole,—and when the magnet refuses its aid to the seaman, then will he believe that you have foundered in affection, or think that I would prove faithless from the loss of earthly pittance.

Lorrenna.

Shoals,—to speak in your nautical language—have long, on every side, surrounded me; but, by my kind uncle's advice, must we be guided. [Exit.

SCENE III

The Town of Rip's nativity, instead of the Village as presented in first scene of the drama.—It is now a populous and flourishing settlement.—On the spot where Rory's tap-house formerly stood, is a handsome hotel, and the sign of “George III” is altered into that of “George Washington.” A settee in front, with table.—The harbour is filled with shipping.—Music at the opening of the scene.

Seth

[Slough,]144 the landlord, enters from the Hotel.—Loud shouts.

Seth.

Well, I reckon the election's about bustin' up. If that temperance feller gets in I'm bound to sell out; for a rum-seller will stand no more chance with him than a bob-tail cow in fly time.—[Laugh.]—Hollo! who is this outlandish critter? he looks as if he had been dead for fifty years and was dug up to vote against the temperance ticket.—

Music.—Enter Male and Female Villagers, laughing.145—Enter Rip,—they gather round him.

Rip.

Where I was I wonder? my neiber frints, “knost you ty spricken?”146

Villagers.

Ha, ha, ha!

1st Villager.

I say, old feller, you ain't seed nothing of no old butter firkin with no kiver on, no place about here?

Rip.

No butter firkin mit no kiver no place, no I ain't seen him.

Villagers.

Ha, ha, ha!

1st Villager.

Who's your barber?—[Strokes his chin.—All laugh and exeunt.

Rip.

I can't understand dis: everything seems changed.—[Strokes his chin.]—Why, I'm changed too; why, my beard's as long as a goat's.

Seth.

[Coming down.] Look here, old sucker, I guess you had better go home and get shaved.

Rip.

My old woman will shave me when I gets home! Home, where is my home? I went to the place where it used to was, and it wasn't dere. Do you live in Catskill?

Seth.

Well, I rather guess I dus—

Rip.

Do you know where I live?

Seth.

Well, to look at you, I should think you didn't live nowhere in particular, but stayed round in spots.

Rip.

You live in Catskill?

Seth.

Certain.

Rip.

You don't know dat I belong here?

Seth.

No, I'm darned if I do. I should say you belonged to Noah's ark–

Rip.

Did you never hear in Catskill of one Rip Van Winkle?

Seth.

What, Rip Van Winkle, the greatest rum-sucker in the country?

Rip.

Dat is a fact—dat is him! ha! ha! now we shall see.

Seth.

Oh, yes, I've heard of him; the old coon's been dead these twenty years.

Rip.

Den I am dead and dat is a fact. Well, poor Rip is dead. I'm sorry for dat.—Rip was a goot fellow.

Seth.

I wish there was a whole grist just like him in Catskill. Why, they say he could drink rum enough in one day to swim in.

Rip.

Don't talk so much about rum; you makes me so dry as never was.

Seth.

Hold on a spell then, and I'll fetch you something to wet your whistle. [Exit into house.

Rip.

Why, here is another change! dis was Rory's house last night, [Seth re-enters.] mit de sign of George the Third.

Seth.

[The alteration of my sign is no bad sign for the country, I reckon.]147

Rip.

[Reading.] “George Washington,”—who is he? [I remember a shoot of dat name, dat served under Braddock, before I went to sleep.

Seth.

[Giving him jug.] Well, if you've been asleep I guess he ar'n't: his enemies always found him wide awake and kicking; and that shoot, as you call him, has planted the tree of liberty so everlasting tight in Yankeeland, that all the kingdoms of the earth can't root it out.]148

Rip.

Well, here is General Washington's goot health, and his family's goot health, ant may dey all live long ant prosper. So poor Rip Van Winkle is dead, eh? [Now comes de poser;]149 if Rip is dead, [what has become of his old woman?]150

Seth.

She busted a blood-vessel swearing at a Yankee pedlar, and has gone to kingdom come long ago.

Rip.

De old woman dead too? den her clapper is stopped at last. [Pause.] So de old woman is dead; well, she led me a hard life—she was de wife of my bosom, she was mine frow for all dat. [Whimpering.] I'm dead too, unt dat is a fact. Tell me my frient—

Seth.

I can't stop any longer—the polls are almost closing, and I must spread the game for the boys. Hurrah, for rum drinking and cheap licence for the retailers! that's my ticket. [Re-enter Villagers, shouting.]151 Here, boys, see what you can make of this old critter.—I give him up for the awfulest specimen of human nature in the States. [Exit into house.

2d Villager.

Are you a Federal or a Democrat?

Rip.

Fiddle who? damn who's cat?

2d Villager.

What's your politics?

Rip.

Oh, I am on de safe side dere; I am a faithful subject of King George!

2d Villager.

He's a Tory! Kill him! Duck him!

Villagers.

[To the horse pond! Duck him.]152

Music.—They seize Rip and are about hurrying him off when Gustaffe rushes in and throws them off.153

Gustaffe.

Stand back, [cowards.]154

Omnes.

Cowards!

Gustaffe.

Yes, cowards! who but cowards would rush in numbers one grey-haired man?

Rip.

Yah, yah, dat's a fact!

Gustaffe.

Sheer off! you won't? then damme, here's at ye. [Drives them off.] Tell me, old man, what cause had you given them to attack you?

Rip.

I don't know; do you?

Gustaffe.

You appear bewildered: can I assist you?

Rip.

Just tell me where I live, dat's all I want to know.

Gustaffe.

And don't you know?

Rip.

I'm d–d fun I does.

Gustaffe.

What is your name?

Rip.

Why, I was Rip Van Winkle.

Gustaffe.

Rip Van Winkle? impossible!

Rip.

Well, I won't swear to it myself.

Gustaffe.

Stay,—you have a daughter?

Rip.

To be sure I has: a pretty little girl about so old—Lorrenna; and I have a son too, a lublicka boy, but my daughter is a girl.

Gustaffe.

Do you remember entering into a contract, binding your daughter to marry Herman Van Slaus?

Rip.

Oh! I remember, de burgomaster came to my house last night mit a paper, and I wrote my name down on it, but I was drunk.

Gustaffe.

Last night! His brain wanders: yet it must be he; come, come with me, old man.

Rip.

Where are you going to take me to?

Gustaffe.

Your daughter.

Rip.

Yes, yes, take me to my child. Stop, my gracious!—I am so changed,—suppose she should forget me too; no, no, she can't forget her poor father. Come, come! [Exeunt.

SCENE IV

Knickerbocker's House as before.

Knickerbocker, Alice and Lorrenna enter

Knickerbocker.

Give me joy, dears; I'm elected unanimously—elected a member of the Legislature.

Alice.

Why, spouse!

Knickerbocker.

Mr. Knickerbocker, if you please, my dear; damme! I'm so happy I could fly to the moon, jump over a steeple, dance a new fandango on stilts. [Dances.] Fal, lal, la.

Enter Herman

Knickerbocker.

Well, sir, what the devil do you want?

Herman.

I came to claim this lady's fortune or her hand.

Alice.

Knock him down, spouse.

Knickerbocker.

Mr. Knickerbocker, my dear.

Alice.

Oh, bother! I know if he comes near my niece, woman as I am, I'll scratch his eyes out.

Herman.

Mr. Knickerbocker.

Knickerbocker.

The honourable member from – County, if you please.

Herman.

The judge of the district will this day arrive and give judgement on my appeal: my rights are definitive, and I question the whole world to controvert them. We shall meet before the tribunal; then presume to contend longer if you dare. [Exit.

Knickerbocker.

'Twill be difficult, no doubt, but we'll have a wrangle for the bone, as the dog's have it; there will be no curs found in our party, I'll be sworn. [Aside.] Hang me, but I'm really a little chop fallen and there is a strange sense of dizziness in my head which almost overcomes me.

Lorrenna.

My dear uncle, what is to be done in this emergency?

Knickerbocker.

Done! your fortune is done for: but if you ever want a cent whilst I have one, may I be sent to the devil, that's all.

Gustaffe.

[Entering.] Bravo! Nunkey Knickerbocker! you are no blind pilot. Awake to breakers and quicksand, Knickerbocker.

Knickerbocker.

Knickerbocker! the honourable Mr. Knickerbocker, if you please; I'm now a member of the Legislature and, curse me, if I'd change my dignified station as representative of an independent people, for that of the proudest potentate who holds supremacy by corruption or the bayonet. [Exeunt.

SCENE LAST

The Court House.—An arm-chair at the back, in front of which is a large table, covered with baize.—On each side a gallery.—On the right of table are chairs.

Music.—The Judge discovered, seated.—The galleries filled with auditors.—Herman.—Knickerbocker.

Judge.

Mr. Knickerbocker, you will please to bring your client into court.

Knickerbocker goes off, and returns with Lorrenna and Alice.

Judge.

Be pleased to let your ladies take seats. [Lorrenna and Alice sit.

Herman.

And now, sir, I presume 'tis time to enter on my cause. Twenty years have elapsed since this contract, this bond was signed by the father of that lady, by which she or her fortune were made mine. Be pleased to peruse. [Presenting the document to the Judge.

Judge.

[Reading.] “We, Derric Van Slaus, Burgomaster, and Rip Van Winkle, desirous of providing for the prosperity of our offspring, do hereby mutually agree that Herman Van Slaus and Lorrenna Van Winkle shall be united on the demand of either. Whosoever of those contracted, fails in fulfilling this agreement, shall forfeit their fortune to the party complaining.

“Rip Van Winkle”“Derric Van Slaus.”

But here's a codicil. “Should the said Rip Van Winkle think fit to annul this contract within twenty years and a day, he shall be at full liberty to do so. (Signed) Derric Van Slaus.” The document is perfect in every form. Rip Van Winkle, 'tis stated, is defunct. Is there any one present to prove his signature?

Herman.

Mr. Knickerbocker, if he dare be honest, will attest it.

Knickerbocker.

Dare be honest, sir! presume you to question my veracity? How was that bond obtained?

Herman.

Why should you ask? The late Rip Van Winkle, anxious for the prosperity of his offspring, though too indolent to provide for their subsistence, persuaded my deceased father to form this alliance.

Knickerbocker.

It's a lie! Hum!—

Judge.

Restrain this violence! a court of justice must not be swayed by such proceedings.

Herman.

Behold! sir, a picture of their general effrontery. In a public tribunal to threaten those, who, in pleading their own rights, but advocate the cause of justice.

Lorrenna.

[Comes down stage.] All my hopes vanish—bleak and dreary is the perspective.

Herman.

[Advances.] At last I triumph! Now, lady, your hand or your inheritance.

Lorrenna.

My hand! never! Welcome were every privation to an union with one so base.

Judge.

It appears, then, that this signature is not denied by the defendant, and in that case the contract must stand in full force against her.

Lorrenna.

Oh, Alice, take me home: poverty, death, anything rather than wed the man I cannot love. [She is led off by Alice.

Knickerbocker.

Why, damn it, Judge!

Judge.

Mr. Knickerbocker!

Knickerbocker.

I beg pardon, I meant no disrespect to the court, but I had thought after—

Judge.

I have decided, Mr. Knickerbocker.

Knickerbocker.

Oh! you have decided. Yes, and a damned pretty mess you've made of it. But I sha'n't abide by your decision; I'll appeal to a higher court. I am now a member of the Legislature, and if they allow such blocks as you on the bench, I'll have a tax upon timber, sir—yes, sir, a tax upon timber. [Exit, in a rage.

Judge.

Twenty years and a day is the period within which the contract could be cancelled by the negature of Rip Van Winkle, and as he has rendered no opposition during this lengthened time—

Herman.

'Tis not very probable, sir, that he will alter his intentions by appearing to do so within the few brief hours that will complete the day. Can the grave give up its inmates? No, no! Who dare pretend to dispute my rights? The only one who could do so has been dead these twenty years.

Enter Gustaffe and Rip

Gustaffe.

'Tis false! Rip Van Winkle stands before you!

Omnes.

Rip Van Winkle!

Herman.

You, Rip Van Winkle! Van Winkle come back after such a lapse of time? Impossible!

Rip.

Nothing at all impossible in anything Rip Van Winkle undertakes, and, though all of you are in the same story, dat he has been gone so long, he is nevertheless back soon enough, to your sorrow, my chap.

Herman.

If this, indeed, be Rip Van Winkle, where has he hid himself for twenty years?

Judge.

What answer do you make to this?

Rip.

Why, dat I went up in de mountains last night, and got drunk mit some jolly dogs, and when I come back dis morning I found myself dead for twenty years.

Herman.

You hear him, sir.

Judge.

This is evidently an impostor; take him into custody.

Gustaffe.

Stay! delay your judgement one moment till I bring the best of proofs—his child and sister. [Exit.

Herman.

If you are Rip Van Winkle, some one here would surely recognize you.

Rip.

To be sure dey will! every one knows me in Catskill. [All gather round him and shake their heads.] No, no, I don't know dese peoples—dey don't know me neither, and yesterday dere was not a dog in the village but would have wagged his tail at me; now dey bark. Dere's not a child but would have scrambled on my knees—now dey run from me. Are we so soon forgotten when we're gone? Already dere is no one wot knows poor Rip Van Winkle.

Herman.

So, indeed, it seems.

Rip.

And have you forgot de time I saved your life?

Herman.

Why, I—I—I—

Rip.

In course you have! a short memory is convenient for you, Herman.

Herman.

[Aside] Should this indeed be he! [Aloud.] I demand judgement.

Judge.

Stay! If you be Rip Van Winkle you should have a counterpart of this agreement. Have you such a paper?

Rip.

Paper! I don't know; de burgomaster gave me a paper last night. I put it in my breast, but I must have loosed him. No, no—here he is! here is de paper! [Gives it to Judge, who reads it.

Judge.

'Tis Rip Van Winkle! [All gather round and shake hands with him.

Rip.

Oh! everybody knows me now!

Herman.

Rip Van Winkle alive! then I am dead to fortune and to fame; the fiends have marred my brightest prospects, and nought is left but poverty and despair. [Exit.

Gustaffe.

[Without.] Room there! who will keep a child from a long lost father's arms?

Enter Gustaffe, with Lorrenna, Alice and Knickerbocker

Lorrenna.

My father! [Embraces Rip.

Rip.

Are you mine daughter? let's look at you. Oh, my child—but how you have grown since you was a little gal. But who is dis?

Alice.

Why, brother!—

Rip.

Alice! give us a hug. Who is dat?

Alice.

Why, my husband—Knickerbocker.

Rip.

Why Knick, [Shakes hands.] Alice has grown as big round as a tub; she hasn't been living on pumpkins. But where is young Rip, my baby?

Knickerbocker.

Oh, he was in the court-house just now. Ah! here he comes!

Enter Rip Van Winkle, Jr

Rip.

Is dat my baby? come here, Rip, come here, you dog; I am your father. What an interesting brat it is.

Knickerbocker.

But tell us, Rip, where have you hid yourself for the last twenty years?

Rip.

Ech woll—ech woll. I will take mine glass and tell mine strange story and drink the health of mine frients. Unt, ladies and gents, here is your goot health and your future families and may you all live long and prosper.

THE END

1

So spelled in the Kerr version.

2

Assigned to Clausen in the Kerr version. Preceding this bracket,

Clausen. Well, she is a tartar, there's no denying that.

Vedder. Not but if she were my wife instead of Rip's. I warrant I'd soon tame her.

Clausen. Not you! But where the deuce …

3

Not in the Kerr version.

4

“but” in K.

5

“but as” in K.

6

“not a” in K.

7

“Goot-hell” in K.

8

“brosber” in K. In this speech, there is a variation in dialect as “v” for “w” in such words as “was,” and “v” for “o” in such a word as “one.”

9

Not in K.

10

"vork" in K.

11

“froo my fingers as vas comeatable,” in K.

12

“Nein, nein” in K.

13

“frau” in K.

14

“baber” in K.

15

“freund, den” in K.

16

Here is given in Kerr, the following:

Vedder. I wish she was my wife, I'd manage her.

Rip. And I wish she vas your vife too, or anybody's vife, so long as she vasn't mine vife.

17

Rory's speech, in K., begins with “Come.”

18

“stewed vhen” in K.

19

“der” in K.

20

“gonguered” in K.

21

In K., variation only in dialect form.

22

“goot-hell” in K.

23

“brosber” in K.

24

“vont” in K. The present edition does not attempt to indicate such slight variations and differences.

25

“der tyfil” in K.

26

“stewed” in K.

27

In this song, “v” takes the place of “w” in K.

28

“Der tyfil” in K.

29

In K. there follows:

Vedder. Oh. I wish I was your husband, Dame Winkle. [Exit.

Dame. You, my husband, you! [To the others.] Out of my sight, reprobates.

30

“goot-hell” in K.

31

“stewed” in K.

32

“buts” in K.

33

“bulls” in K.

34

“der” in K.

35

“stewed but” in K.

36

“creebs” in K.

37

“bond” in K.

38

“think” in K.

39

“gooses” in K.

40

“von” in K.

41

“den” in K.

42

“back” in K.

43

“do” follows “how” in K.

44

“Nein, nein” in K.

45

In K., Rip's speech is “Ter tyfill but I have cotch him dis time!”

46

“and Herman” in K. The scene, which is different, runs as follows:

Herman. Lecture me as much as you will, father, if at the close of your sermon you are prepared to supply me with the money that I need.

Derric. Money! that is eternally your cry. Your extravagances have almost ruined and soon will dishonour me. Oh! I am but justly punished for my mad indulgence of a son who was born only to be my bane and curse.

Herman. If you could but invent some fresh terms for my reproach! such frequent repetition becomes, I assure you, very wearisome.

Derric. You have caused me to plunge into debt, and I am now pursued by a host of creditors.

Herman. We must find a way to quiet them. And for the money I now require—

Derric. Not another dollar do you obtain from me. Already, to supply your cravings, I have misappropriated some of the public money, and I must replace it soon if I would avert the shame and degradation with which I now am threatened.

Herman. And from which I will save you.

Derric. You?

Herman. Yes. I! Rip van Winkle, your tenant—

Derric. What has that idle, dissipated fellow to do with the present matter?

Herman. Much, as I will show you, and his daughter more.

Derric. His daughter?

Herman. Now scarcely seven years old, I believe. This girl has an aunt residing in New York, who has long since, in consequence of an affront received from Van Winkle, discarded the whole family. But I have discovered that, of which they have no notion.

Derric. What do you mean?

Herman. Why, that the whole of this aunt's fortune, and she is immensely rich, must of necessity, at the old lady's death, become the inheritance of the little Lowena.

Derric. And in what way can that affect us?

Herman. You shall hear. I have already caused a contract to be prepared, and to which you must obtain Rip Van Winkle's signature.

Derric. What is that contract?

Herman. You shall read it presently. Van Winkle is an easy soul, and at present, I believe, your debtor.

Derric. Yes, considerably in arrears with the rent of the tenement, which he holds from me.

Herman. Obtain his signature to the contract I am about to give you, and 'twill be a security on which money may be raised to any amount.

Derric. You amaze me, I—

Herman. You must have cash, father, to relieve you from your unpleasant difficulties, and I, for those delights of youth without which there is no advantage in being young. [Exeunt.]

47

“speaking off, to the child,” in K.

48

Not in K.

49

Not in K.

50

Not in K. Instead, “he is so handsome, his figure is so elegant.”

51

Not in K.

52

Not in K.

53

“mein” in K.

54

“Ve'll” in K.

55

“bate” in K.

56

“broken” in K. Also add “by your knocks.”