The Times Guide to the House of Commons

A determined ketterer will put down questions containing the name of his or her constituency to every department, including the Foreign Office and the House of Commons catering committee. If the question does not come out of the hat, the ketterer will turn up and ‘bob’ (stand up to try to catch the Speaker’s eye) in the hope of being able to ask it anyway. The ketterer will also turn up at the start of every debate to intervene on the minister to ask a question of astounding irrelevance to the debate, but that, naturally, contains the name of the ketterer’s constituency. Ketterers are, of course, a menace for those interested in parliamentary debate, but their party organisations love them, because, from the point of view of the party, the only point of an MP is to achieve re-election, and the only function of Parliament is to assist the MP in that task.

In days past, MPs would deal with all the waiting in another way, namely in other jobs. But second jobs have become very much frowned upon, to the extent that after the expenses crisis the House passed a motion that has been interpreted as meaning that MPs have to report every hour they spend not just in other paid work but even in volunteering.

This is the infamous 168-hour rule, the rule that MPs are MPs for every hour of the week, with no time off at all for anything else. Even writing a book or an article on politics, paid or not, is seen as a shameful activity to be reported to the authorities. One suspects that in the future those MPs who sleep more hours a night than Margaret Thatcher managed with will have to obtain permission from the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority. But the effect of the 168-hour rule is that MPs will have to spend even more time just waiting.

One wonders what sort of people will want to be MPs in the future. The combination of minor celebrity status, with its constant observation by the media, enforced inactivity and being cooped up in the same place for weeks on end is reminiscent of only one thing. Welcome, then, to the Big Ben Brother House.

MPs who stood down before the election

Conservative

Ainsworth, Peter Surrey East

Ancram, Michael Devizes

Atkinson, Peter Hexham

Boswell, Timothy Daventry

Browning, Angela Tiverton & Honiton

Butterfill, Sir John Bournemouth West

Cormack, Sir Patrick Staffordshire South

Curry, David Skipton & Ripon

Fraser, Christopher Norfolk South West

Goodman, Paul Wycombe

Greenway, John Ryedale

Gummer, John Suffolk Coastal

Hogg, Douglas Sleaford & North Hykeham

Horam, John Orpington

Howard, Michael Folkestone & Hythe

Jack, Michael Fylde

Key, Robert Salisbury

Kirkbride, Julie Bromsgrove

Lait, Jacqui Beckenham

Lord, Sir Michael Suffolk Central & Ipswich North

MacKay, Andrew Bracknell

Maclean, David Penrith & The Border

Malins, Humfrey Woking

Maples, John Stratford-on-Avon

Mates, Michael Hampshire East

Moss, Malcolm Cambridgeshire North East

Spicer, Sir Michael Worcestershire West

Spring, Richard Suffolk West

Steen, Anthony Totnes

Taylor, Ian Esher & Walton

Viggers, Sir Peter Gosport

Widdecombe, Ann Maidstone & The Weald

Wilshire, David Spelthorne

Winterton, Ann Congleton

Winterton, Sir Nicholas Macclesfield

Labour

Armstrong, Hilary Durham North West

Austin, John Erith & Thamesmead

Battle, John Leeds West

Blackman, Liz Erewash

Browne, Des Kilmarnock & Loudoun

Burgon, Colin Elmet

Byers, Stephen Tyneside North

Caborn, Richard Sheffield Central

Challen, Colin Morley & Rothwell

Chapman, Ben Wirral South

Chaytor, David Bury North

Clapham, Michael Barnsley West & Penistone

Clelland, David Tyne Bridge

Cohen, Harry Leyton & Wanstead

Cousins, Jim Newcastle upon Tyne Central

Cryer, Ann Keighley

Cummings, John Easington

Curtis-Thomas, Claire Crosby

Davies, Quentin Grantham & Stamford

Dean, Janet Burton

Devine, Jim Livingston

Ennis, Jeff Barnsley East & Mexborough

Etherington, Bill Sunderland North

Fisher, Mark Stoke-on-Trent Central

Follett, Barbara Stevenage

George, Bruce Walsall South

Gerrard, Neil Walthamstow

Griffiths, Nigel Edinburgh South

Grogan, John Selby

Hall, Mike Weaver Vale

Heal, Sylvia Halesowen & Rowley Regis

Henderson, Doug Newcastle upon Tyne North

Heppell, John Nottingham East

Hesford, Stephen Wirral West

Hewitt, Patricia Leicester West

Hill, Keith Streatham

Hoon, Geoff Ashfield

Howells, Dr Kim Pontypridd

Hughes, Beverley Stretford & Urmston

Humble, Joan Blackpool North & Fleetwood

Hutton, John Barrow & Furness

Iddon, Dr Brian Bolton South East

Ingram, Adam East Kilbride, Strathaven & Lesmahagow

Jones, Martyn Clwyd South

Jones, Lynne Birmingham Selly Oak

Kelly, Ruth Bolton West

Kemp, Fraser Houghton & Washington East

Kennedy, Jane Liverpool Wavertree

Kilfoyle, Peter Liverpool Walton

Laxton, Bob Derby North

Lepper, David Brighton Pavilion

Levitt, Tom High Peak

Mackinlay, Andrew Thurrock

Marshall-Andrews, Robert Medway

Martlew, Eric Carlisle

McAvoy, Thomas Rutherglen & Hamilton West

McCafferty, Christine Calder Valley

McCartney, Ian Makerfield

McFall, John West Dunbartonshire

McKenna, Rosemary Cumbernauld, Kilsyth & Kirkintilloch East

Milburn, Alan Darlington

Moffat, Anne East Lothian

Moffatt, Laura Crawley

Moran, Margaret Luton South

Morley, Elliot Scunthorpe

Mountford, Kali Colne Valley

Mullin, Chris Sunderland South

Murphy, Denis Wansbeck

Naysmith, Doug Bristol North West

O’Hara, Edward Knowsley South

Olner, Bill Nuneaton

Pearson, Ian Dudley South

Pope, Greg Hyndburn

Prentice, Bridget Lewisham East

Prescott, John Kingston upon Hull East

Purchase, Ken Wolverhampton North East

Purnell, James Stalybridge & Hyde

Reid, John Airdrie & Shotts

Salter, Martin Reading West

Sarwar, Mohammad Glasgow Central

Simon, Siôn Birmingham Erdington

Simpson, Alan Nottingham South

Smith, John Vale of Glamorgan

Southworth, Helen Warrington South

Stewart, Ian Eccles

Stoate, Dr Howard Dartford

Strang, Gavin Edinburgh East

Tipping, Paddy Sherwood

Todd, Mark Derbyshire South

Touhig, Don Islwyn

Truswell, Paul Pudsey

Turner, Des Brighton Kemptown

Turner, Neil Wigan

Ussher, Kitty Burnley

Vis, Rudi Finchley & Golders Green

Williams, Alan Swansea West

Williams, Betty Conwy

Wills, Michael Swindon North

Wright, Tony Cannock Chase

Wyatt, Derek Sittingbourne & Sheppey

Liberal Democrat

Barrett, John Edinburgh West

Breed, Colin Cornwall South East

Howarth, David Cambridge

Keetch, Paul Hereford

Oaten, Mark Winchester

Taylor, Matthew Truro & St Austell

Willis, Phil Harrogate & Knaresborough

Other

Conway, Derek (Ind Con) Old Bexley & Sidcup

McGrady, Eddie (SDLP) Down South

Paisley, Ian (DUP) Antrim North

Price, Adam (PC) Carmarthen East & Dinefwr

Salmond, Alex (SNP) Banff & Buchan

Short, Clare (Ind Lab) Birmingham Ladywood

Wareing, Robert (Ind) Liverpool West Derby

Defeated MPs

Conservative

Heathcoat-Amory, David Wells

Waterson, Nigel Eastbourne

Labour

Ainger, Nick Carmarthen West & Pembrokeshire South

Anderson, Janet Rossendale & Darwen

Atkins, Charlotte Staffordshire Moorlands

Baird, Vera Redcar

Barlow, Celia

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