8 Brand-New Romance Authors

They talked about his work, in the same offices where Hanna worked. He asked about the job she was about to start and seemed interested in it. She found out he came from a large family in Missouri, of all places. She had been wondering about his strange accent, but didn’t want to say anything because he would only tease her about hers. The Boston accent was difficult to cover up.

Everything was going so well. She felt happy. She felt confident. She no longer thought about her insecurities or where she fell short.

She felt like the old Micah, or better yet, a new Micah. A brand-new, never-before-seen version of herself. And it felt great. She smiled as she thought about how far she had come in such a short time.

“What? Did I say something?” Cameron’s question broke through her musings. She had forgotten about him for a moment.

Oops.

“Oh, sorry. No. Nothing you said. Just a silly thought. Nothing, really. My apologies. What were you saying?”

“I was just talking about Boston sports.”

“Ooh, love ’em.”

“I was saying how I didn’t get into them.”

“Are you serious?”

He laughed. “Yes.”

“How can this be? How can you live in Boston and not enjoy all the sports we have to offer? We have the best of everything all rolled into one fine city.”

“It’s easy. I just don’t.”

“I’m floored. There’s not a single sport you get into? We’ve got it all.”

He shook his head, laughing at her reaction.

“Well, what kind of sports do you play in Missouri?”

“I don’t know. I never got into sports there, either.”

“You, sir, are quite the enigma. I just never knew it was possible.”

“Since you obviously feel differently than I do, what sports do you watch?”

“I watch them all. My friends try to all get together to have game days or game nights, whatever the sport. We’re watching football right now, obviously.”

“You get together for every game?”

“Yeah, we try to at least. It happens most of the time. It’s easy for some of us, but poor Jamie lives outside the city, so he has quite a drive every week. But he’s faithful.”

“You guys sound like an episode of Friends.”

“Ha, you’re right! We do! Although none of us has slept together...that I know of, anyway.”

They both laughed for a moment as the waiter came to serve their food and refill their wine.

As he walked her to her door later that night, her mind was racing. Her heartbeat quickened when he bent. Thankfully, his lips landed on her cheek and not her lips.

As she closed the door, she couldn’t help but wonder why she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her. They’d had fun. They had enjoyed their time together. He was great-looking, unbelievably kind and intelligent. What more could she want?

She wanted butterflies. Not just predate jitters. Was that crazy? Was she being stupid? Too picky?

“Hey. How did it go?” Sabina was waiting for her on the couch. It was actually quite cute since it was such a role reversal—Sabina was typically out every night, so staying in to wait to hear how her friend’s date went was something new for her. “Come sit down. Tell me everything. I want to know all the juicy details.”

“It went well.” Micah put down her purse, took off her jacket and sat down on the couch.

“Do you think he’ll ask you out on a second date?”

“Maybe.”

“And would you say yes to a second date?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“That didn’t sound very convincing. What was wrong? He was cute. He seemed really nice. I know for a fact he has a great job. Does he have some kind of weird fetish or does he eat with his mouth open?”

“What? No. Neither of those things.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. Just something wasn’t right.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

“For going out and taking this giant step, this leap into a world you’ve let pass you by for far too long. You’ll find someone eventually. I know you will. You have too much to offer someone.”

* * *

Why were her friends always so hard to find when she really needed them? She needed someone to talk to, and she would prefer Sabina. Where was she, anyway?

Micah paced the living room. She was in desperate need of advice, and no one was around to give it to her. Hanna was too caught up in her blissfully happy wedding plans. Jamie was busy. And Josh...well, Josh was the one she needed advice about. She couldn’t very well ask him about him.

She had been foolish to believe one date with someone else could cure her of the feelings that had slowly been developing over the course of a decade. She just needed to talk to someone about it. Keeping it hidden from everyone was only making it worse. If she didn’t vent about it soon, she’d explode.

She pulled out her phone and sent Sabina a quick text.

Where are you?

Sabina texted back right away.

I’m at the movies with Jordan.

It would be at least two hours before she came home. Micah didn’t know if she could wait that long. She could just text Sabina about her problem. That would work.

No. Bad idea.

She put her phone down on the table and walked away. Maybe a shower would help put things in perspective. It was quite possible she might be able to solve her own predicament.

One long, hot shower later and she was still nowhere closer to an answer to her problem. She pulled her robe tight around her as she picked up her phone, once again debating whether to go ahead and text Sabina or not. The familiar ping sounded, signifying a new message. Josh.

Guess who’s playing at House of Blues this weekend.

For days she had longed for some form of communication from this man and now was the time he chose?

Ah! She needed Sabina’s advice and she couldn’t wait any longer. She couldn’t keep ignoring the Josh situation. So she grabbed a hold of her phone and started typing.

Bina, I don’t know what to do. I need to talk to you and I don’t think I can wait until you get home. Ah! I think I have feelings for Josh. Like falling-in-love feelings. Like more-than-friends feelings. What should I do?

She hit the send button, the zip sound echoing in the quiet apartment. It was the first time she had “voiced” the words. It made her nervous to admit it to anyone other than herself. It made it real. Her eyes scanned the text again.

No! No! No!

There, at the top of the text message where Sabina’s name should be prominently displayed was another name entirely. The one and only name she had been purposely avoiding. She had accidentally sent the message to Josh! There was no way she could talk herself out of this one. No way to retrieve it now, either.

Making sure she was actually texting Sabina this time, she typed out the words Emergency! Get home now! Pushing the phone away, she sat at a distance, staring at it. Had he read it yet?

It rang, her heart stopped, her breathing coming in short frantic breaths. She inched toward the phone, the happy jingle sounding shrill to her ears.

Sabina. Thank God. She hit the accept button.

“Micah, are you okay? What’s wrong? Do you need to call 911?” Sabina’s words came out in a panicked rush.

“It’s not a 911 emergency. It’s a friend emergency. It’s awful! I don’t know what to do! I think I just ruined everything! Actually, I know I just ruined everything!”

“Okay. Slow down. What are you talking about?”

“I needed advice so I was going to text you and ask you what I should do.”

“Then ask me.”

“Well, see, it’s more than that.... See, I think I’m falling in love with Josh.”

“Oh...my...gosh...”

“It gets worse. I accidentally texted him instead of you.”

“What did the text say?”

“It said just that—that I was falling in love with him. What am I going to do? I am so embarrassed! I don’t think I can recover from this. You may need to start looking for a new roommate, because I’m gonna have to move out of state.”

“Okay. I’m heading home now, but he’ll probably call you or text you before I get there.”

“I can’t talk to him right now! I was texting you to find out how to handle this.” The emotion was overwhelming; she couldn’t control the tears as they fell down her cheeks. “I’m not ready to talk to him yet. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this conversation.”

“Just ignore him until I get home. That way I’ll be there to hold your hand when you do take his call.”

“What have I done?”

“Stop getting yourself so worked up. Make yourself some tea and just sit tight until I get there.”

Micah hung up the phone and went about making some chamomile tea as Sabina had suggested.

Josh still hadn’t responded. Either he hadn’t received it or he was in shock and didn’t know how to respond. She had really messed this one up badly. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

The tea did nothing to calm her. She kept putting her phone down, just to pick it up again. No new messages. The stress of it all was going to be the death of her.

Knock. Knock.

FOURTEEN

Micah’s body went rigid. Sabina had a key. It was her apartment. She wouldn’t knock. Micah knew who it was and the thought of answering the door made her start to sweat. She could ignore it.

“Micah?” He yelled through the door, confirming her suspicion. She remained frozen, hoping he would go away.

“Micah, I know you’re in there. I saw your light on.”

She could have left her light on. It didn’t mean she was here.

“We need to talk. Please, just let me in.”

Go away!

“I can just talk through the door if you prefer. Not sure if your neighbors will be too happy about that, though.”

Her neighbors would hate it. Besides, it was none of their business.

“Micah, please. I need to talk to you. I need to see your face.”

She couldn’t help herself, peeking through the door’s peephole. He looked the way she felt. He ran his hand through his hair, which looked as though it had seen better days. She rested her forehead on the cold door, letting out a deep breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. She couldn’t face him. She just couldn’t do it.

“I can hear you breathing and can see the shadow of your feet. Please. Just open the door.”

Her hand rested on the cool metal of the doorknob. She couldn’t face him, but couldn’t help responding to him, either. “You weren’t supposed to get that.”

“I gathered that much.”

“I’m so sorry, Josh.”

“Open the door, Micah. Sorry for what?”

“For ruining everything. I’ve messed it all up.” She turned the knob and slowly opened the door, standing back to let him in.

“Micah.” His eyes brimmed with pain and indecision. She knew whatever words came out of his mouth would hurt her. They would cut like a knife. Even her name on his lips sliced through her.

“Don’t. Don’t say it.” She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes anymore. The words came out on a whisper, too difficult to say. “I don’t think I can handle it.”

“It’s just that... Micah, I still see you as Drew’s. I think I’ll always see you that way...off-limits. He was one of my best friends. I have to honor his memory in this.”

She spun at his words, a spark igniting within her. How dare he? She spoke through clenched teeth. “He’s gone, Josh. His claim on me died with him.”

“But still—”

She cut him off. He’d hear her out even if it was the last she ever said to him. “As my friend, do you really think that’s fair to me? To condemn me to a life of loneliness because once I belonged to someone who is now dead? Is that what you hope for me? Is that all you see happening in my future? Because I’m considered untouchable to you?”

Micah walked to the window, her eyes unable to take anything in but the snowy-white abyss that lay beyond. Her tone softened after she took a deep, calming breath, her back to him. “Drew was my first love. That place in my heart will always belong to him. But what we had, although real, was nothing more than teenage love. Even if that accident hadn’t happened, I honestly don’t think we would have lasted much longer. No matter how much I have imagined it.”

She pulled the edges of her robe tighter, needing its comfort and warmth. “For the last ten years, I’ve desperately held on to a memory, an idea. I fooled myself into believing that my life was pointless without him, that any hope of a happy future had died with him. But it was all lies that I told myself to put off the grieving process. I had become comfortable in my denial. It felt safer than the alternative, which was to put myself back out there, susceptible to heartbreak again. Sure, I went through the motions. I appeared to be normal, happy and healthy to the naked eye. But deep inside of me, hidden from sight, lay this ticking time bomb that just waited for the perfect moment to explode. That semblance of normal life blown to smithereens, leaving me wounded and gaping and empty.”

Micah paused; silence echoed throughout the room. Josh hadn’t said a word, nor had he made a move. But she could feel his presence. Slowly she turned, looking him straight in the eye. “I’ve put him to rest. I’ve faced my inner demons head-on. I have fought my way through denial, depression, anger and bitterness. I have battled it out with the memories and ghosts that haunted me. And after I won, I locked the past away once and for all. I’ve finally found acceptance and peace and freedom. So don’t you dare tell me that I am still bound by a man long since dead! He’s controlled my life from the grave for far too long. But not anymore.”

She took another deep breath. Her knees felt weak, but she ignored them, gathered her nerve and stood up straighter. He would not see an ounce of weakness in her. Not if she could do anything about it.

“I survived Drew. I can survive you, too. I deserve more. I deserve a life full of love and happiness. I’ve missed out on that and I won’t let myself continue down that road. I want to stop thinking about what I’ve missed out on and start thinking about what lies ahead. So I guess the real question is—will you be a part of my future, Josh, or just a part of my past?”

He stood there. Just stood there! Immovable. And every second that passed felt like an eternity. Each moment caused another crack to form in the fragile armor she held up around her heart, threatening to shatter it into tiny irretrievable pieces.

His words were barely audible, but her heart knew before her ears were able to translate to her brain. “I...can’t...”

Her vision glazed over as she stood frozen in her heartbreak, not even aware of his quiet exit out of her apartment, and out of her life.

She was experiencing a new grief, a different kind of grief. This was altogether suffocating and confining. She felt it close in on her like a heavy weight.

No!

She wouldn’t allow this to happen again.

Micah straightened her shoulders and dragged a hand across her face, wiping the tears from her eyes.

She would allow herself a good cry, and maybe a pint or two of Ben & Jerry’s, but enough was enough. If he chose to walk away, then it was his loss. She would not be held under the law of his gravity. She had tasted freedom and the possibility of a new life. Nothing would get in her way. She was stronger than this.

Sabina arrived and after a sob-filled account of the last ten minutes they shared the ice cream while Micah continued to cry. Sabina talked her into a movie completely free of any romance.

But five minutes in a phone rang. Micah lunged for it, hoping it was Josh. Disappointed to find it wasn’t even her phone ringing.

Sabina answered and mouthed Hanna’s name. Her brows began to knit together in a frown. It was the only time Micah had seen Sabina’s face look slightly unpretty—far from being ugly, just a little not pretty. The thought brought a smile to her tear-streaked face before she realized that Sabina was frowning, which was a cause for concern. Afraid it might cause wrinkles, she didn’t frown very often.

“What’s wrong?”

Sabina held up a finger, signaling her to wait a moment. Which she did, even if it was done rather impatiently.

“Hanna just caught Nathan in bed with another woman. Come on. Let’s go.”

“What?” She hurried to find her boots and coat as she made sense of it. “She has to be devastated. We’ll need to pick up a lot more Ben & Jerry’s.”

“And maybe some wine.”

“Or something harder.”

“You’re right.”

They drove quickly to Hanna’s house. As they entered, they noticed a couple of broken vases, or possibly plates, littering the floor, evidence of Hanna’s well-known temper.

“Hanna, what happened?” She looked awful, mascara streaks marring her face.

“He’s been cheating on me! All this time I thought he was working late like I was, but no. He’s been hooking up with an associate!”

“Did he tell you how long it’s been going on?” Micah was afraid to speak, did not want to further upset Hanna, but maybe talking about it would get her to calm down a little. She wrapped her arm around Hanna’s back and began to rub up and down in an effort to calm her.

“Yeah. I forced it out of him. He says he has been with her for a while. Apparently it started not long after we first got together. Can you believe that? How stupid am I? How could I not see this? I fell for all his crap, bought a house with him and was planning to marry him. I even bought a dress last week!”

“You did?” Sabina asked and Micah sent her a look that said not now. The fact that she’d gone wedding-dress shopping without them was irrelevant now—hurtful, but irrelevant.

“I’m so sorry, Han. I never did think he was deserving of you. I know you probably do not want to hear it right now, but it really is a good thing that you didn’t marry him. You got to see him for who he really is before saying I do.” Micah tried to reassure her.

“And the better news is we brought ice cream and Bailey’s,” Sabina piped in, holding up the bottle and carton for Hanna to see. “It may not solve your problems, but it will make you happier for tonight, at least.”

“Aw, thanks, guys. I’m so glad you came to my rescue.” The tears flowed again as Hanna wrapped her arms around each of them. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You will never have to find out.”

“We will take good care of you. Now let the man-hating party begin!” Sabina said as she made her way to the kitchen. They would need spoons. These girls had no need for bowls or glasses during a man-hating party. They drank straight from the bottle and ate straight from the carton during times like this. Helping Hanna through her pain had a way of helping Micah forget her own. It had been a full half hour since the last time she had thought about Josh. They would each get through this and be stronger because of it.

* * *

When Josh had closed Micah’s door behind him, he knew it would be the moment he would look back on with regret for the rest of his life. Two words would haunt him for the rest of his days.

I. Can’t.

He had wanted to rush back in there, tell her what a coward and liar he was, but there was still a part of him that hadn’t let him. Something that drove his feet to move, step by step, farther and farther away from her door.

The real truth, the gut-wrenching reality, had been right there in the middle of her heartfelt speech.

She deserved more.

Micah would never know the reasons why he had to walk away. If she ever did find out, she would never forgive him, making a relationship impossible. It was for the best. He just had to keep telling himself that.

FIFTEEN

The days that followed were lonely and quiet without Josh. She hated it. Even though they did not see each other on a daily basis, he used to call or text her every day. But she hadn’t heard from him. Not since that night.

It was for the best. She needed to learn to get on without him. She needed to learn how to do this on her own, to be independent and gain confidence outside of a man’s attention and affection.

She had learned so much about herself recently. Her eyes had been opened for the first time in years. She had spent all of that time dependent on Drew and Josh.

His rejection was a good thing. It did not feel that way at first, but she was seeing it now. She did not recognize the girl she used to be anymore. She would always be grateful for all that Josh had done to help her get past that.

It was sad losing that relationship, but she was excited to see what the future held. Her options for a happy future were limitless. She now had the confidence and independence to make it happen.

“He still hasn’t called?” Sabina’s question knocked her from her thoughts. Micah had not realized she was staring at her phone without seeing.

“No, but it’s all right. I think it is for the best.”

“How so?”

“I need to learn to survive without a man.”

“Do you, now?” Sabina arched her eyebrow and pursed her lips in the infamous duck face. “Who are you and what have you done with my bestie?”

“What are you talking about? I am here. I have always been here.”

“Well, physically you have been, but I feel like you have been gone from me for a while. I have seen glimpses of the Micah I love, but it has been a long, long time.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“You have had a difficult year.”

“It really has been a rough year. I don’t know why it became more difficult for me, but I know it was for a reason. It all came to a peak, and I was forced to face reality. I needed that. I needed to deal with the past and finally put it all behind me.”

“Good. It is so nice to hear you talk like that.” Sabina stood and smoothed out her pant legs. “You ready for this?”

“As ready as I will ever be.” Micah had been dreading this for a few days now. They were all meeting at Hanna’s to help her move.

The girls would arrive first so they could help pack the boxes. Then the guys would show up later with the truck and load it up. That helped a little. She wouldn’t know how to act if Josh arrived there first and she showed up later. It would put pressure on her to say something, do something. If she was there first, then she could be busy doing things by the time he arrived. Seemed like a good enough plan.

She grabbed her coat and followed Sabina out the door. Here goes nothing.

* * *

Micah was in the bedroom packing up all of Hanna’s personal items when she heard the guys arrive. Her heart began to pound. Her hands began to shake. She kept folding and packing, doing her best to concentrate on the clothing and not on what was happening downstairs.

It didn’t work. She could hear his voice as he laughed. He sounded good. Did he miss her? Did her absence affect him in any way? Or had he just gone on the way he always did when women came in and out of his life? She had always thought she was different. Was she now just another one of them?

Furniture banged against something. “Hey, watch the furniture! You are going to pay for anything you damage, boys!”

Micah laughed as she imagined the scene. Two guys with their muscles, sweating, lifting heavy objects...

Whoa!

Her mind was going places it should not. Hanna was probably standing on the staircase watching their every move, directing them and being her overcautious self, making sure her furniture was moved unscathed.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs, then down the hallway. She knew whom they belonged to without even seeing him. He turned the corner into the room.

A simple gray T-shirt had never looked so good. Long, muscular legs encased in old, worn-out jeans. His hair messed up just so. Gawd, he looked good.

She felt her heart breaking all over again. They were supposed to do this run-in with others around. It would have been easier that way. Why couldn’t it have worked out that way?