The High Toby

"Damme," says I, "gang or no, 'tis all one with me. I'll have 'em within a round of the clock."

"No, no, young fellow," replied Creech, with a sly look. "'Tisn't upon our side as the whole bargain must lie. Strike me a proper balance. Curse me, if you're for sport, I'll meet you. Put up that crown. D'ye think I'm to cast away the baubles on the fall of a shield? Place me something fat in the scales."

"Why, my sword," says I, with a laugh.

Creech grunted.

"Calypso," says I.

"Bah!" says he; "mare and sword and all, yourself atop, my young blood."

"Would you buy blood for money?" I asked.

"Faith, yes," he answered; "'tis the fashion of the trade. And you're a pretty hand with the irons. Look at you—you with your fine fancy dress, for all the world like a gentleman in his Majesty's service. Stout muscles, Dick, but small wits behind 'em. What say you? You shall have the trinkets, and the guineas too if you can get 'em. But an you fail we'll have you, by hell, body and soul for twelve months."

I knew 'twas his inflation that drew him on thus, but it served my purpose; and so, after a pause, I said, "How long do you give me for the job?"

"Till this hour to-morrow night," says Dan, seeming to consider.

Thereupon I jumped to my feet. "I'll take you," says I; "and now for another glass."

Creech stares at me for a moment in stupid wonder, and then solemnly reached out his hand, which I took. Filling a glass, I nodded at the three and gave them a toast. "Here's success to me, lads!" I says.

But at that Creech turned black, and spilling the wine he was drinking, looked at me savagely. "Damn you!" he said, "keep your toasts to yourself, and get you gone, or Tom out there will have leave to thrid you with bullets."

But having made my point I was in no humour to be offended at the surly hunks, and so I tossed off the wine very leisurely. "Good Danny," I said; "there's sense in your tipsy brain yet. Best go to bed and nurse it, for you'll need all your wits to-night."

But Creech, who had now fallen into a dark mood, made no answer, merely muttering to himself; and with a nod I was gone. But, Lord, the adventure was ready to my hands, for to cheat three such clumsy sots was no difficult task for me. I scarce gave it a thought until, coming upon Tom in the yard afore the barn, a sudden notion took my fancy, and I came to a stop beside him.

"Ah, Tom," says I, shaking my head, "'tis a raw night for to gnaw the vitals out of a hedgehog, and you with no drink. I've a mind to spare you."

"What d'ye mean?" says he, without a suspicion.

"When is your time up?" I asked, paying him no heed.

"At midnight," says he, cursing a little to himself.

"Tom," says I, "you're a friendly fellow, you are, and I have taken a compassion on a poor devil as can neither eat nor drink his belly full." And with that, and ere he was aware, I had my hands upon his throat. The sudden action took him by surprise, and though he struggled I forced him presently upon his knees. "Why," says I, pleasantly, "sure, I told you I was upon the King's service, Tom, engaged by his sacred Majesty for to get rid of rascals like yourself." But then, getting his breath, he opened his mouth to cry for help, only on the instant I slipped a splinter of wood atween his teeth. So there was he soon, bitted and bound safe enough.

Now these transactions fell, and with little noise, in the shadow of the barn, where it ran forth to the margin of the wood; and no sooner was Tom secured than there was the noise of someone opening the door, and Creech's footsteps sounded in the yard. In an instant I slipped Tom's cloak about me, and, all muffled to my nose, withdrew a pace into the darkness, at the same time letting the point of my sword fall on the cully's chest. I reckon that he knew well enough what was enjoined on him, for he never stirred; but I was a little anxious about Creech, lest, even in his state, he should recognise my voice. He stopped at the corner and called Tom in a loud voice, to the which I made a surly reply.

"Cold, eh?" says he, with a chuckle, "and sulky? Well, if 'twill warm you, you'd best put a bullet through Galloping Dick. D'ye hear? We have a little game atween us, and if he gets by you ye shall answer for it."

I durst trust myself to nothing but a mumble by way of answer, but it suited Creech, who swaggered off to the barn again; and then, getting Tom in my arms, I dragged the body into a coppice, and presently resumed my post as sentinel. 'Twas a shrewd night, and the hours passed very slowly; but there was that in my heart to warm me against the cold, for I knew that all hung upon the change at midnight. And when that time came, and there was once more the sound of feet in the yard, I drew up stiff and stark, being solicitous for the hazard. Twas Blake that came to relieve me, but, as fortune had it, his head was mazed with sleep and drink, and he paid me little attention. I growled out an oath or two, to which he gave no answer, his teeth chattering in his jaws; and with that I left him, and rounding the corner I made straight for the entry. When I got in, there was Ned lying in a heap upon some straw, snoring like a swine, and Creech, as I perceived, seated with his back against the wall, and his eyes lifted meditatively to the rafters.

"That you, Tom?" says he, and without even a glance at me, chucked his thumb towards a pile of bottles.

"There's no sleep yet in that voice," thinks I; and, seating myself in a dark corner, where the lanthorn shed no light, I helped myself to wine. 'Twas grateful enough to a pinched stomach, but when I was done, and stretched snugly in the straw, there was I, destined to wait upon Creech's convenience, till so be as it pleased him to fall off. He had by this, as I could see, shook off the most of his liquor, being, I fancy, in no wise comfortable as to the bargain he had struck with me. But that did not disturb me, for I could bide my time; only it gave me a start, I confess, when, after half an hour in this fashion, he got upon his feet and came towards me. I had all along been feigning slumber, and as he came I managed to bury my head deeper in my cloak, lest he should take a suspicion of my phiz. He stood over a moment, and then, "Drunk," says he, and fitting his foot into the small of my back, shoved me a pace forward. I rolled a little more upon my face, and gave a grunt, like one stirred in a deep sleep; and then I knew 'twas all right, for Creech's jaws cracked in a yawn, and, retiring to his corner, he flung himself down. From where I lay, and by the faint light of the lanthorn, I could perceive him turning the casket over in his fingers, and presently he popped it in the straw beneath him, and, laying his head upon it, disposed himself for the night.

To this point the affair had gone very well, but I must now wait until Dan was nodding, and a little more than that too. So the better part of two hours elapsed before I made a movement. Then, pulling myself cautiously into a sitting posture, I listened. The barn reverberated with the noise the two cullies made; there was little doubt about Creech this time. I rose, still as a spectre. The light flickered upon Dan's body; and very slowly I drew near. I warrant there was never a mouse so quiet as me as I bended over him, with my fingers in the straw. Pah! the job was easy enough done, for all it was so furtive. For, the box proving hard to his neck, his head had slipped away, and there was no need to disturb him in extracting it; and, more by token, when I had inserted my fingers, they came upon a bag of goldfinches too, the which, as I recalled, was in our pact. And so with exceeding wariness I fetched both of 'em out, and only a quiver upon Dan's features to mark for it. That accomplished, I tripped it to the door, which I unlatched gently. Now all was going well enough, and I should have had the booty without more ado than a sharp time in the frost; only who should intervene, unexpected, but the fat sneak Kettle, upon whom, prowling round the barn after some dirty business of his own, I stumbled over the threshold. The shock sent me back against the door, which fell to with a loud bang, and what with that and with the alarm Kettle made, Creech and the others were upon their feet and wide awake in a moment. Knocking the innkeeper aside, with a curse on him for his interference, I slipped forth of the yard and made forthright for the wood. But Creech was sharp enough too. He bellowed with rage, and came roaring upon me with his pair of rascals at his heels. There was little enough to spare between us, though the dark was on my side. But then again 'twas the dark that made against me too; for, mistaking my direction, I ran into the forest upon the side away from Calypso, and shortly found myself in a wilderness of coppice, scarce able to move a yard for the undergrowth about me. Creech was not far off, for I could hear him breaking through the wood and yelling at the top of his voice. I reckon there was never a cully in such a taking afore.

But I was not yet quit of 'em—not by any means; for here was I, uncertain of my position, and wanting a nag to carry me safe out of their hands. And the worser part of it was, that Creech was pretty sure to happen upon the mare in his wanderings. Still there was nothing further to be done at this juncture for the noise of my advance would be heard, and so I lay very still in the brake for upwards of an hour. By that time the night was yielding, and the dawn came up in a thin white mist, that stretched like a counterpane upon the forest. Overhead heavy-bellied clouds were labouring in clumsy flight towards the west. I knew Creech would not have given up; but 'twas foolish to remain longer in concealment, and so very circumspectly I crept through the wood towards t'other face of the barn, where, I guessed, Calypso was tethered.

Calypso was there, sure enough, but so was someone else; and had it not been that I proceeded with such stealth, he must have overheard the sounds of my progress. Creech knew me too well to suppose I would have left the roan to him, and there he sat upon his haunches, just afore me in the bracken, with his eyes on the nag. Not a twig stirred as I approached, and my steps fell noiselessly upon the grass, for here the forest was more open. And thus I came within spring of Dan, when drawing a pistol, I suddenly walked out of the bushes with the most unconcerned air you can imagine. Creech turned sharply, but the nozzle of my barker was at his forehead.

"Ah, Danny, Danny!" says I, "you would not rob a poor young fellow of his mare!"

Creech turned white with rage, and swore horribly.

"Hush, Danny, hush!" says I. "Think on your immortal soul, Danny, and forego wicked words—also," says I, "those ugly weapons, being the instruments of an evil life."

Dan said nothing, but I meant to take his fangs out, and so brought him to sharply with the pistol.

"Drop 'em!" says I briskly; and with another furious oath Creech threw his barkers to the ground. After that I had gathered them up, says I again, very cheerful, "And now, Danny," I says, "'tis time for an innocent young fellow like me to be getting home to his mammie; which being so, with your kind help, faith, I will e'en venture to mount the nag, me and my treasure," and I slapped the box underneath my coat.

Creech was livid, and his eyes glared on me full of the devil; but I kept him under with the pistol, and drove him, sullen, up to Calypso. Vaulting into the saddle, I turned and took off my hat to him, with a mocking tongue; but in that instant, whenas my back was towards him, Dan had skipped into the thicket, and now I heard him scrambling through the bushes, yelling and whistling as he went. I was not afraid of him or his creatures, but I did not design to be caught, and so set Calypso's heels to work. But just as I did so there came up a clatter of hoofs from the yard near by, and I knew that Creech was upon my track. Calypso flew forward like a swallow, and at the same moment the noise of a pistol spread echoes abroad, and a bullet snipped a corner from my hat. That was my signal to be gone. "Come, my girl," says I; and the roan, leaping to the rowels, sped down the narrow pathway in a gallop.

The track was as lean as a gutter, and sloped very sharply; the bushes, too, pressed hard upon it, and 'twas not the least of my hazards to come down that descent at a breakneck speed. But I knew well enough that the pursuit would be instant, and that Creech was in too black a rage to pick his footsteps. So I kept the nag to her pace, and on she rushed, floundering from side to side, swaying against the bushes, and slithering over the smooth rocks. I held her up with the reins, and more than once saved her from coming down upon her prats; and once she took me sudden under the overhanging bough of a tree, which fell so low that the sight of it set me a-blinking. But or ever I was past my doubts we were through, and the mare was clattering for the high road. Not until we reached this did I pull in, and twist about in my saddle to inspect what was forward. Creech and his men were not yet forth of the wood, but I could hear 'em pounding away down the path, and guessed that they were none so far away. But for that I cared not a groat, for Calypso was staunch and fleet, and more than a match for any horse in the shires. So, pulling her round upon the Belbury road, I urged her into a gentle canter.

I reckon that they must ha' been amazed, when they were come to the highway, to see me no more than half a mile away, and jogging along as easy and unconcerned as you please. But that was in my device, for I had no animosity against such a braggart fool as Creech, and, as I have said, I was tickled by a pretty touch of humour. So on I cantered, and Creech and his two lads behind me, very much excited, as I conceive, by the prospect of overtaking me. That, however, was not my notion; and no sooner were they drawn within shot than I put the spurs into Calypso and forged out of range again. This manœuvre I repeated several times, till their faces must ha' been yellow with chagrin. If they had entertained but a grain of reason about 'em, they might have seen as I was merely playing with 'em. And maybe they did; but Creech had no stomach for defeat, and, being now a veritable cauldron of passions, stuck as close to me as he might. And thus we galloped, the four of us, at length into Belbury.

Here I dropped into a canter, and coming to a halt afore a little inn in the main street, I flung out of the saddle and opened the stable yard. T'others were not yet round the corner, and so, tethering Calypso to a stake in the wall immediately below a window in the upper floor, I bade the ostler give her a bite where she stood, and hurried into the hostelry. I was now, as you may conceive, possessed of a roaring appetite, and ordered breakfast forthwith to be served in the said upper room. And no sooner was I got there and set comfortable upon a seat, than the three horses came thundering down the road and drew up with a plunge before the doorway. I laughed at that, for I knew they were too drunken with rage to think straightly; and I had half a mind to invite Danny to breakfast. Sink me, but the ninnies thought that they had nicked me! For presently after, up comes the innkeeper with the breakfast, but bearing a message for me, from "three gentlemen below, as, saving my presence, would be glad for to breakfast in my company."

Lord, how it set me laughing! "Why," says I, "if they be honest folk, Benjamin, by all means."

"They have ridden hard," says he, hesitating.

"Why, so have I," I answered; and then, but still with reluctance, he was departing, when I suddenly fetched him back. "Has the coach been long gone?" says I; for though 'twas early I knew the next stage was long.

"'Tis gone half an hour," says he.

"That is well," I thinks to myself, and, dismissing him with a nod, I threw open the window and looked down into the yard. There was Calypso, ready bridled, and munching her oats beneath me. That too contented me, and I sat down and handled my knife. It was a little time afore any feet ascended the stairs, and then at last the handle turned and in tramped Creech, all alone, with a look of triumph fastened on his ugly face. It was clear they had had some parley outside, and he was set to beard me. I rose to my feet, and making him a deep bow, waved my fingers at a chair.

"Pray you, sit down," said I, very ceremonious; "I takes it kindly of you, Danny, to come for to cheer up an old friend like this. 'Tis poor fare to a nobleman such as you, but suitable enough for a humble man like me."

Creech scowled, for he had not looked for me to talk in this fashion, I warrant.

"You're game is up, my precious cully," he said savagely, "and you'd best put a pleasant phiz on you and give in."

I glanced at the clock. "I think not, Danny," I says softly; "there is some mistake, sure. There's ten more hours to run—a pleasant little holiday for all three. And, by the way, where are my friends Ned and Blake? I don't see their handsome faces."

Creech grinned in a sour way. "You'll make their acquaintance soon enough," says he.

"Oh! waiting outside, eh?" says I. "Bashful, eh?"

"Yes," says Creech, showing his teeth. "Just waiting outside on your convenience, Captain; just awaiting for to help your honour into the saddle."

"You overload me with favours, Danny," says I, going on with my breakfast undisturbed.

But Creech's temper was too constrained to carry the jest further, and he broke out harshly,—

"Hark 'ee, Dick; why the hell d'ye pull such a long face over the job? What does this play-acting do? Bah! Out with the casket, and we'll split a bottle on it."

Forthwith I put my hand under my coat, and fetching out the casket set it on the table afore me. Upon that I placed the bag of guineas, and atop of all a brace of pistols.

"Come and take 'em," says I, mimicking Creech's own words to me. "Come and take 'em, Danny. Here they are.—Rip me, Danny, where's your grit?"

He swore abominably, and made a step to me; but slipping my fingers over a barker, I cocked it. Dan drew back and gazed doubtfully at the door. I knew what was passing in his mind, and how he was meaning to set the other tykes on me; but I said nothing, merely replacing the baubles in my pocket. This distracted Creech again, and he yelled,—

"Give 'em up, you young hell-hound!"

I laughed, and at the laugh Creech's temper snapped, and he flung himself upon me. He was no coward Creech, though mighty judicious out of his rage. But his leap availed him little now, for plump goes my pistol on his skull, and down he comes to the floor. I walked to the window.

"Good-bye, Dan," I said.

Creech, scrambling to his feet, with his eyes agog, made as though to follow me, and then sprang at the door, screaming to his men. But I was already out of the window ere he had reached the stairs, and dropping silently upon Calypso, cast her free. Another instant more, and, the gates of the yard opening, Calypso shot past the inn, and, gathering her knees under her belly, was sweeping out of Belbury at a gallop.

I was already a quarter of a mile away, when glancing behind, I saw them making a start, for they were in no wise prepared for my diversion, and were thrown into confusion thereby. But now they came abreast for me at their hardest, for all of which the roan held her own without any difficulty. In this way the chase sped into the open plain beyond Belbury, Creech clinging like a leech, as I knew he would, to the smell of the gold. Half-way across the moor I stopped and listened. There, for sure, was what I wanted right ahead of me; and so, clapping back my heels, I galloped over the rise afore me, and came down into the hollow, where the coach was rumbling along like a blowsy bluebottle. 'Twas rolling and lurching and pitching, like as if 'twas a cockle at sea, and I soon overtook it and hailed the driver. He looked at me suspiciously, but reined in his horses, and I pulled the mare across the window.

"Why," says a piping voice, that I recognised, "bless me! here is our young gentleman again."

I gave the old mawkin a wink, and glanced round the company. There was Hoity-toity, as plump and proud as you please, leaning back against the cushions with her nose in the air.

"Your ladyship," says I, addressing her politely, "I trust that you have enjoyed your night's rest to the full."

"I am in tolerable health," says she shortly, but eyeing me in some wonder.

"Life, your ladyship," says I, very sententious, "is full of reverses, best forgot; and the most excellent intentions are fraught with the most woeful issues."

"Oh!" she broke in coldly, "if you are come to recount your failure, your time is ill spent. In truth, I had not remembered your face till this good gentleman spoke, and I had never a thought for your errand."

But if I was in any doubt about my business, it was that ungracious speech disposed of it; and, saying no more, I drew the casket from my pocket, and, bowing low to the saddle with a great air of ceremony, passed it to her.

"If I am remembered in your ladyship's sneers," I says, "I beg it shall be along of those young gentlemen of blood you talk of." But here I glanced along the road, and there was the noise of hoofs coming over the hill. "And I pray," said I, turning again to her, "that you will now, as always, accept the accidents of fortune with better submission."

I saw that the fat merchant had been eager to speak for some time, and now he jumped up and opened his mouth wide. But I laughed, and, sweeping my hat to the saddle, pulled off the mare and left 'em, with the lady staring in an amaze at the casket on her knee.

"Drive on," says I to the coachman; and, slapping the leaders with the flat of my sword as I passed, I spurred Calypso across their noses and out upon the furze-grown common. As I did so, there was Creech and Blake clattering up on their blown nags. Crack goes the coachman's whip, and the horses plunged forward; but by that I was out of sight behind a clump of trees upon the heath, where, pausing, I looked back. The noise of a great commotion reached me; and there, as I guessed, stood Creech with t'others about the coach. I reckon that the passengers would have short shrift with that angry party. I watched 'em for a while, with my sides a-shaking for laughter, and then put the nag to a trot across the common. Dan, I vow, must have been astonished. But 'twas a pretty even division after all; for I kept the goldfinches and Creech resumed his jewels, whereas Hoity-toity had the privilege to take a lesson in manners.

THE TURTLE-DOVES

'Tis not the first face of a predicament that is always the right aspect, and men may, as often as not by holding their peace, come at the heart of the matter, always provided there is naught in the case to make the blood sing. Now in a pretty lively turn of life on the road I have met many types, and some of these such characters as you would scarce credit; but 'tis not always that they are conjoined thus in their odd individualities with a stirring episode; and hence I pass them by in these accounts of my career. Nevertheless there was in the meeting with Sir Damon Boll that which pleased me mightily, at least in the end. Indeed, 'twas a rare piece of chicanery from the outset, what time I left the Boar's Head in a chaise and two horses of my own for Epsom, like any gentleman with an important journey of his own before him. And so in truth I had, for I was to set up for my lord, if you please, with a lackey and all; but the affair, though 'twas humorous beyond fancy, enters not into this adventure. It was enough that the thought tickled me on my road out of Southwark, going by Camberwell and Newington, and I was in a fair good humour as we rocked along the ruts that sharp November evening.

When the postilion was come out by Streatham and was for making across the heath, the moon, that was half and bright, struck into the lowering clouds, and the open waste glowed of a sudden swiftness. The window of the chaise was open and the air streamed in, but I could make out little with my peepers because of the blackness. And here there was a savage rocking of the body of the chaise, and a cracking as of a wheel against something. So popped I forth my head and roared to the postilion, cursing him for his clumsiness, and he cursing back at the horses; and between us there was a pretty commotion. For here was a nobleman (save me!) upon his travels with a damned dung-fork of a rascal on whom he might let loose his tongue and be not questioned. That was how I phrased it to myself, being not as wroth as I seemed, but indeed enjoying to feign it; when withdrawing my head, as we were got back again upon the track, I espied a blacker shadow in the blackness about the heath.