The High Toby

"You must keep your bargain," says the man in black. "We are on the road?"

"Such road as there is," he grumbled.

"Well, cut me one of the horses out, or I will make a hole in you," cries the fellow.

"Come," says I, "we were getting on quite famously till now. 'Tis a pity to end this pleasant party."

But he gave me an oath and stepped out of the vehicle, at which I seized the young man, Harringay.

"Out with you," said I, "and we will see this mischief to an end."

We got out into the snow, which was still whirling in the air, and I watched the coachman extricate one of his nags. The tobyman (if I may so style him) stood with his legs apart, drawn up in his most dramatic posture, pistols in hand.

"You will not stir," says he, "for full ten minutes after I am gone. If you do, I will come back and blow your brains out."

This truculent fellow quite appalled the coachman, who busied himself with the gear, and presently has one of his horses out. This t'other mounted in an awkward fashion, and turned to us.

"Remember," says he in a warning voice, "I never forget or forgive."

"Now," whispered I to Harringay, "now is the chance to show your quality. You take him on the near side and I will on the off. Leg or arm will do. He will topple off on the least shove, the fool."

"But—but," he stammered, "he is armed."

"Damme," said I, furious to meet such cowardice, "are ye frightened of a pistol in the hands of a mumchance?" And with an oath I left him and flew at my quarry.

I had got half-way to him when he saw me coming and pointed a barker at me.

"Stop!" cries he.

"Stop be damned!" says I, and sprang at him.

The pistol went off and took my hat, singeing my forehead, which made me all the hotter. I seized him leg and neck, and swung him down into the snow, where he grabbled for another weapon.

"If you move," said I, "I will crack your neck like a rotten stick, my brave tobyman. Quit, you worm, quit!" And I gave him my fist between the eyes, so that he lay still.

"Coachman," said I, "you may take your horse and throw a lantern here." And I fumbled in the man's pockets for a pistol. "Now," said I, "we are on terms again." And I dragged him to his feet. Harringay came up now, and says he,—

"Let me help."

"Get you gone! I want none of you!" I said sharply. "Damme, miss will serve me better. She will wear the breeches properly." And I called out to her.

By that time the coachman had his lantern, and cast the light on the miserable sheepish object who scowled at us.

"Here's a pretty tobyman," said I, "a right gallant fellow that sheds lustre on the craft. Why, a child could manage him. See," says I, for miss was come up, looking very handsome and excited, in the snow. "Take ye this pistol, miss, and hold it to him. He will do you no harm—no more than a louse, and never could."

She hesitated a moment, and then, summoning up her courage, did as I bid, holding the barker in a gingerly fashion, the while I searched his pockets, taking out what he had took of us.

I had just completed my job when there was the sound of voices quite close, for the snow had dulled the tread of the horses of the party that approached. They were on us ere I knew, and one called out,—

"What is this? Is't an accident?"

"It is a little accident to a tobyman," said I. "A brave fellow that is come by misfortune all unknown to his mother."

"The devil!" says the voice. "We are after one such. Let us see him."

Now you conceive how I felt, for that this was a party of traps on my heels I guessed at once. So I moved a little into the shadow of the lantern, and waited while the man examined t'other.

"I do not know if this is our man," says he, "but 'tis enough if he be guilty."

"Who is your man?" asked I, emboldened by this ignorance.

"'Tis Dick Ryder," says he; "we tracked him as far as Liphook, but the one that could speak to him has been detained by a fall at the village."

"Why, this is he!" said I in triumph. "Did he not confess to being Ryder?" I asked of the others, for by this the old gentleman and his lady were both with us.

"Certainly. I will swear to it," says the old fellow. "I heard him with these ears say he was Ryder."

"Then is our business done," says the trap, "and I'm not sorry, considering the night." And his men surrounded my man and seized him. His face was as pale as the snow, and he had a horrid, frightened look. Maybe he was some attorney's clerk that had robbed his master, and was in flight. I cared not, and I never knew; and he went off silent with his captors on the way to the Triple Beam, which he deserved for a bungling, bragging nincompoop.

But now we were alone, and the guineas and the jewels were in my pockets. Lord, I love the jingle of 'em, and so I took my counsel forthwith.

"Sir," says I to the old gentleman, "here be your purse and your papers; and to you, sir," says I to Harringay, "I restore the smelling-salts, that is your charge. Miss, this, I'll warrant, is your jewels, the which I would advise you to place in a better security than heretofore. And now justice is done, and we conclude with a merry evening."

"But there is my purse!" says Harringay, in an amaze. "My purse with fifty guineas."

"Why, your purse must be where your heart is, in your boots," says I contemptuously, and called to the coachman.

"Give me that nag," says I.

And before he understood I was on the beast, and, doffing to miss and her mother, rode off into the snowy night with a peal of laughter.

THE LADY IN THE COACH

It was not until I was three parts across the heath upon the adventure that I had gotten any suspicion I was forestalled. The night was very thick, owing to a pack of clouds that lay furled upon the moon, and till then was as still as a mouse. But Calypso's hoofs started a wether bleating near by, and it ran jumping into the distance, with its silly bell a-tinkling round its neck. And just upon that the noise of a commotion far off came down to me, and, pulling up the mare, I set my ears to the valley. I knew the coach must be wobbling along two miles this side of Belbury, and I reckoned to meet it by the fork. But this news, as you may conjecture, put me in a taking. There was none along that road save me and Creech's lot, and 'twas gall to me to play jackal to Dan, or to anyone else for the matter of that; so, putting my boots into Calypso, I rode down the valley at a gallop, but I had gone no farther than a few hundred paces when a clatter of nags came up the road to my left, and I stopped the roan dead. I was not to be taken like a fool, all agape with chagrin, and I held up under the cover of a tall furze bush, till all four were by, passing like shadows into the night.

"Damn Creech!" I says to myself, for I had scarce a crown to my pocket. But seeing that vexation would not serve me, I rode on, mighty discomfited, and presently entered the high road near the foot of the heath. Right afore me, and wrapt in the shadows of a black clump of trees, was the hulk of the stage, out of which proceeded a clamour of excited voices. When I came up with it the coachman was gathering his reins for a start, but at sight of me rising out of the darkness he dropped 'em again.

"Save us!" he cried, with an oath, "here's more of the gentry," and stared at me very sullen.

At this exclamation an instant silence fell inside the coach, and then a head was poked cautiously through the window.

"'Tis useless, my good man," said a thin, high voice. "We are by this plucked to our bare bones, and sit grinning in them."

"Heaven save us from this accursed heath! I feared 'twould be so," says someone else, with a whine.

"Faith," says I, coming to a stop alongside, "'tis an honour you put upon me. I have been mistaken afore now for his Highness, and for Jack Ketch too, but 'tis the first time I was dubbed gentleman of the highway."

The old fellow at the window rolled his eyes over me without a word, and pretty sharp eyes they were.

"And who may you be, then?" says he, with a queer smile upon his lean face.

"Why, if it comes to that," says I in turn, "who the devil may you be?"

He scrutinised me closely, and then, "Coachman," he called, "bestir your horses."

"Come, come," says I, for the old scarecrow tickled my curiosity, "there's no need to quarrel upon our characters. You have had the highwaymen here?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Four dirty rascals," he said; "and we're in no humour for another."

"Look 'ee," says I sharply, "I allow no one to repeat a mistake."

He surveyed me with indifference, smiled, and withdrew his head. "In that case," he said bluntly, "'tis ill to waste your time and ours."

He was a surly old cock, and, but that I knew Dan must have skinned him close, I would have dragged him forth and served him according to his deserts; and, in truth, I was half in the mind to despoil him of some of his fine fig, but just then another voice broke in.

"Sir," says this noodle, "if you be an officer, as I should judge by your dress, I pray you will despatch these villains. I am a poor man and can ill afford to lose my purse, but if a small reward will serve—"

"Ha, ha!" says I, nodding, "here is some sense at last," and, drawing the roan nearer, I looked into the coach.

There was six of 'em, all looking pretty sheepish; and one, as I discerned in the dim light, was a lady.

"Lord!" says I, "five of you, and the coachman to be frightened by four scurvy cut-throats!"

"Why, sir," says the man that had just spoke, who wore a heavy paunch, "an you had been here I warrant you could ha' done nothing. The ruffians wore black masks and swore abominably. For my part, all I can say is that there was the cracking of whips and a pistol through each window ere I was out of the lady's lap, where, being asleep, the jolt had thrown me."

"The exchange was effected, I assure you," put in the old man suavely, "with less noise than if it had been a Sabbath sermon, save for the protestations of my friends here."

"Protestations!" says the lady, breaking her silence, and in an voice rough with anger. "There were tears enough to have touched a heart of stone, and less resistance than a barndoor fowl's. A fine company for escort, forsooth!"

I shot another look at her—for a woman, specially if she be beautiful, tickles my fancy—and, sure enough, I could perceive even in that light she wore an air of quality. But I put her aside a moment, and says I to the man with the paunch: "What have you lost?" says I.

"Sir," says he, "I am a goldsmith, the which trade hath in these days sunk so low that—"

But here Belinda intervened on him very sharp. "For heaven's sake," says she impatiently, "spare us the repetition of your circumstances; and since," she added with a sneer, "this gentleman is so good as to promise you assistance, specify your guineas and be done."

"There were a hundred guineas in my bag," said the goldsmith humbly.

But at that, and it may be because of the hint in the lady's words about me, there came another voice from t'other side.

"I am a merchant, sir," it began.

"Perhaps," says I, with a glance at the lady, "we had better spare that also."

"Sir," says the cully, accepting my rebuke, "if you will but save me my two hundred and fifty guineas you will place me deeply in your debt. A King's officer, like yourself, should have no difficulty in running these rascals to earth."

That made me smile, as you may fancy; and then, turning to Hoity-toity, I says, "And how have you fared, madam?"

Now that I regarded her more closely, I could perceive that she was very elegant, but she wore an ill-tempered frown, that set her beauty askew.

"I," says she, shrilly, "am in no mood to indulge a wayside curiosity—unless, indeed, 'tis your business to catch robbers." I bowed very solemn, and she eyed me with asperity. "I have been rifled of many valuable jewels, which I should now possess had I kept other company than that of chicken-hearts."

"'Tis a fool's trick to carry jewels on the King's highway," says I. "These gentlemen of the road snap their fingers at his Majesty."

"And you a King's officer to say that!" she said scornfully.

"Faith," said I, with a laugh, "I make no such claim to dignity. I am a poor civil gentleman, of no more pretensions than your brave companions."

"Brave!" she echoed, with disdain. "Five able-bodied men, and never a blow among them!"

"Pardon me, madam," interposed the old gentleman softly; "I have already explained that you must not reckon with me, having these five years no certain knowledge if my legs be still my own."

At this point the coachman broke in with a gruff voice. "We must be going," says he, "or maybe we shall have further trouble ere Belbury."

"Heavens! would they flay us?" asked the old gentleman, lifting his eyebrows. "I assure you, I have nothing beyond my skin and two very incompetent legs."

That set me laughing, for the old cock tickled me.

"Faith," says I, "here is a philosopher."

Whereupon, like a pistol-shot, madam turns upon me in a fury. "And who are you, sir, that dares mock at our misfortunes?" she cried angrily. "Who are you, that comes swelling with fine feathers and a cock-a-doodle-doo about assistance? Oh, were there stuff enough within the four walls of this carriage, some one should fetch you a clout for your impertinence! I was a fool to have ventured in this company—a fool not to have taken my Lord Kerslake's offer of a seat."

The old gentleman looked amused, and glanced whimsically at me; but, sure, I liked her spirit, though I made answer mockingly.

"Faith, gentlemen," says I, "you have here spirit enough to arm a regiment. I crave your ladyship's pardon; I am of a round and jocund temper, and can scarce keep my teeth inside my lips; I should grin upon a tombstone. But as for your misfortunes, rot me, but they touch me nearly; and, had the opportunity fallen, I should ha' been proud to draw a skewer for you."

"You have fine words, sir," says she, still very angry. "I am weary of words; I have heard brave words enough to outlast my years. You brag of your sword!" (she puffed her nostrils in a sneer), "had you arrived five minutes sooner, the chance had been yours to show the spirit under your fine coat. I am weary of words. Drive on, a God's name, coachman!"

I glanced about the coach with a smile—though, to say the truth, the wench's tongue nettled me; and "It seems," says I, "that we are a pack of superfluous cravens. Why is there none to fight us? My stomach, I vow, heaves for a highwayman. How stand yours, sirs?"

"Mine, sir, is sinking," says the old gentleman caustically—"sinking for the meal from which you detain us."

"Pray begone, sir!" added Hoity-toity. "As we may not have your valiant aid, no doubt your comfortable bed will provide you bloodless dreams of battle."

There was no limit to the jade's tongue; but I kept myself in control, and merely laughed.

"Why," says I, "it seems I come to the table when the wine is cleared."

"By five minutes," she exclaimed—"by bare five minutes! The hoofs of their horses were not round the corner ere yours was poking its nose through the window."

"I would I had forestalled 'em," says I, with meaning.

The lady paid me no heed, but continued, "I have come from a town where young gentlemen of blood blink not at danger, and to lose five minutes were not to lose the privilege of protecting a lady of birth."

Her sneers made me mad; but "Ha!" says I, "your ladyship lives in a brave town. And what would these young gentlemen do? Sink me, I am so humble that I must go to school under them."

"They would not hang to gossip upon the wheels of a coach; and I should have my jewels within four-and-twenty hours," says she curtly.

"Gad," says I, "they are gallant young gentlemen indeed, and of a rare devotion to your ladyship. As for me—"

"As for you, sir," interrupted the old gentleman, testily, "if you will be good enough to resume your journey, we may have some chance at least of our dinner."

Hereupon the coachman cracked his whip, and the horses plunged forward a step; but I leaned over and laid my hand upon the side.

"Fie, fie!" says I, "to mumble of dinner when the lady's jewels are in question, and but four-and-twenty hours to get 'em!"

"The more reason for your leaving at once," said the old mawkin, sarcastically.

Somehow the behaviour of these two nettled me. I could see that the one entertained suspicions of me, and t'other used me with so small an amount of ceremony that I was loth to leave 'em ere I had cried quits with 'em. But it was the ejaculation of the goldsmith as set the idea suddenly in my head, for, says he, in astonishment, taking up the old gentleman's phrase, "You will undertake the quest, sir?" And immediately the thought of a pretty whimsy flared in my head; but ere ever I had taken it, up springs the merchant crying, "Mine too—mine also, sir; I pray you, young gentleman, my bag of guineas!"

"The devil!" says I, very calm, and as if I had made my resolve long since. "How would those same young gentlemen of blood entreat you, I wonder? 'Slife, I have a notion that they would despatch you all to hell, for your common quality, it being of untoward audacity for to seat you next her ladyship." And then, putting my head right through the window, I says, addressing the lady in the most pretentious, solemn manner, "Your ladyship," I says, "frame me in your fancy, however high the flight, as one of these gentlemen of blood. Sirs, bear your misfortune with patience, I adjure you. Lard and oddsbobs, I wish you a more prosperous journey." And, with a sweeping bow, I spurred the roan into a gallop down the road.

When I pulled up at the foot of the heath, I could hear the creaking of the coach as it lumbered in the distance; then, turning the mare's nose to the common, I put her to an easy canter. 'Twas a design of some humour that possessed me; and what further drove me on was the reflection that I had a bare lining to my pockets, and, if I could not come by a high-toby lay, well, I would juggle with Creech for a venture. I knew Dan's haunts well enough, and that as like as not he was hiding in The Woodman for to celebrate his success. And, sure enough, when I had crossed the heath and struck into the pine wood on the further slopes, after concealing Calypso in a thicket, there was old Kettle met me at the door of his inn, very suspicious, but of a mighty cheerful countenance. He was acquainted with me by sight, for he let me pass with a nod; and, proceeding to the rear of the hostelry, I found one of Dan's lads stuck before the door of the barn. He challenged me as I approached; but "Pooh, Tom!" says I, "keep your lead against traps and such vermin," the which made him grin upon recognising my voice.

"What brings you here, Dick Ryder?" says he. "We thought you was in London."

"I'm on the King's service, I am, Tom," says I.

Whereat he broke into a loud guffaw, and says he, "You'd best forswear, then, or Dan'll crack no bottle for you to-night. He's in a rare humour, is Dan."

But I pushed by him, and entered the barn, where Creech and two more of his rogues were sprawling upon the floor, pretty far gone in liquor, as I conceived. At the sight of me, up jumps Dan to his feet, but falls back again drunkenly.

"You damned pink-faced truant, Dick Ryder!" he cried, "what do you out of your bed at this hour? And Mistress Polly all forlorn!"

"Women," says I, "are devilish seductive for ornament, Dan, but theirs is a heavy price, and I'm quit of 'em." And with that, nodding at a crate of bottles, I added, "A fetch of luck, eh, Danny?"

"Sit down, my fine feathered bird," says Creech; "sit down and tipple along of us. Stab me if I keep my luck to myself! I'm a generous hand, I am."

The wine was none so bad, being sack of an elegant body, though Creech had never the palate of a fly; and presently, after I had drunken, I looked about me, but could see nothing of the booty. "Ah!" says I, "I'll warrant you have filled your purse, Danny. You're no company for a poor wastrel like me."

Creech grinned, and winked a bloodshot eye on me. "You should ha' joined the company, Dick," he said. "But, damme, you're so devilish shy. Plague take you, haven't I given you your chances? Stab me, you fine young bantam, for all your pride I wager you've not a crown in your pockets, and ours a-bulging out with goldfinches."

"One, Danny—one," says I, "and a good well-thumbed crown, come by honestly."

"Bah!" says Creech, with a sneer; "you'd be dragging your pockets along the ground if you'd been along of us to-night."

"Did you take a coach?" says I.

"A coach!" replied Creech. "Such a coach as you never saw—just guineas a-dropping off the box into your mouth, and none to deny you. Eight hundred and thirty golden pictures, you young fool, all stamped of his Majesty; and more to that."

"More?" says I, very innocent.

"And it mightn't be a little box, Dick—only a little box," says Creech, in a wheedling voice; "but a queen's ransom to its belly;" and without more ado, but as if anxious to strut upon his dungheap, he put his hands between his legs, and fetching out a casket, threw it at me. "Catch it," he cried; "open it and feast your eyes upon it. There's glamour enough there to turn a stomach sour."

'Twas a rare lot of jewels, for sure, and it was small wonder that her ladyship was in such a taking. But Creech, in the exultation of drink and success, could not hold his tongue, which it was not my desire that he should. "Where's your damned independence now?" he chuckled. "What sort of figure upon the lay does Galloping Dick cut atween here and London?"

But if I was to have it forth of his fingers I would have it openly, and so I says plumply, "I have a fancy for that box, Dan," says I.

Creech leaned over, and set his dirty finger against his nose, poking out his tongue.

"Yes," says I, in a careless fashion; "I have taken a main liking to it. I want that, Dan."

Creech burst into a fit of laughing.

"Hear him!" he cried. "Hearken at the avaricious young fellow. He wants it, the precious boy! And so he does. And will his nursey give him the pretty things for a plaything till he falls asleep? Oh, Dicky, Dicky, stab me but you'll be my death of bursting!" And he rolled upon the ground in merriment that came in good part of the sack.

"Come, Dan," says I, as pleasant as you like; "you won't deny me, old friend—not you. Let us shake hands on it."

But this set Creech yelling with laughter. "Why, curse me," said he, "here's a queer game, hearties! Here's a poor young man with but a crown to his pocket, and a soul a-soaring in the sky!"

But then, without further ado, I whipped the coin out of my pocket and spun it in the air. "Come, Danny," says I, affably; "I will toss against you, with the precious gems for stakes. Put 'em down atween us, and by God I'll nick 'em."

Creech stopped in his laughing and set the box in front of him, piling upon it two heavy pistols and a naked sword. "There, Dick Ryder," says he, grinning, "come and fetch 'em. There's none as can charge meanness upon me. Take 'em, cocky; stab me, Dick Ryder, where's your grit?" and over he rolls upon his side, shrieking with laughter, in which t'others joined him.

Now he had, as it were, laid the job fairly before me, and for the moment I was in the mind to take him at his word; but the next second I had abandoned the purpose, for though I had little doubt that I could manage the three with them in a drunken condition, I was not for spilling blood, at anyrate at that stage. So what does I do but merely stick forth my foot and kick the weapons into the air. That fetched Creech to his legs mighty sudden, and scowling at me he says, "Is this serious, Dick?"

"You'd best guard 'em well," says I, "for I mean ill by them."

"Look 'ee, Dick," said Creech slowly, "if you want 'em you can take 'em. D'ye see? I'm not a man to botch my words. Curse me, I've given you your chances afore now."

"Well," says I, "I'll fight you for 'em."

Creech winked. "I ain't afeard of your toasting-fork," he said, "though you are used to wear it for a taunt. I have as many bloody facts to my tally as, maybe, Dick Ryder himself. But I'm no precious baby, to risk my skin in behalf of what's my own. An you take 'em, you shall reckon with the gang."