Green Stockings: A Comedy in Three Acts

(Enter Celia with box supposed to contain love letters and small box supposed to contain watch and pin. She closes the door and deliberately disregards open doors at back.)

Celia. (Keeping her eyes fixed on her box of letters, crosses C. below table) I'm back, Aunty dear. I wasn't very long, was I? I've got my box of love letters. (Holds out box and looks at it ruefully) Well, they will go into the furnace with my own hands. (Places box right of her on table.) And his watch and his pin, infamous things, he'll have those back and a letter with them, that I hope will burn without going into the furnace. (Celia goes to desk and takes up a piece of paper as if to write) Tell me, dear. Did Wilson telephone?

Smith. (Who has appeared at back from R.) Yes, Miss Faraday, he did. (Celia drops the paper from her hand, turns slowly around, sees open doors, walks deliberately to screen and looks over it, her back to the audience. She turns around, her face expressing chagrin and annoyance at Aunt Ida's failing her.) Mayn't I come into the room and speak to you?

Celia. Certainly not. (Goes and viciously seizes her coat from chair and begins to put it on.)

Smith. (Coming into the room just the same and coming down above her on the R.) You told me, I know, there was nothing more to say but good-bye and I'll say that too, if I must. But first, there is something else to say and I'd much rather say it than write it.

Celia. Mo, whatever you do, don't write-don't write me anything. I dislike letters intensely and just at present they seem to be a drug on the market. (Picks up her bag and veil.)

Smith. But there is something I must say to you before you go.

Celia. How do you know I'm going anywhere?

Smith. (Looks down at her bag and smiles) Well? (Celia swings bag to other side of her.) Besides, I overheard Wilson's message.

Celia. Oh, you did. Well, then perhaps you will be good enough to realize that I'm in something of a hurry. You will find your jewelry there on the desk.

Smith. Won't you sit down for five minutes?

(READY Horn.)

Celia. Certainly not.

Smith. Just five!

Celia. No.

Smith. If you don't, upon my word, I shall begin to believe that you are afraid of me.

Celia. (Sits quickly with her back to the audience L. of table) Indeed! That wouldn't be your first mistake, you know.

Smith. I know it was a foolish trick. I had no right to come here as I did.

Celia. It was a cruel joke.

Smith. (Simply and feelingly) Yes, but a joke that is more on me now than it ever was on you. (Motor horn toots three times. Celia turns her head in the direction of the conservatory.) I want you to know that my name really is Vavasour.

Celia. You astonish me. Isn't it anything else too?

Smith. Yes, it's really J. N. Smith, too.

Celia. Oh! Is that all?

Smith. No, more. Now that I have come in to my Uncle Vavasour's old Abbey, I have to take his name legally, Smith-Vavasour, don't you see?

Celia. I see. What a delightful combination of class and mass! This may be all very interesting to anyone interested, but really I haven't time now to split hairs over a middle name. Your intention was to deceive me, and you almost succeeded. Failure alone, I take it, accounts for your present humility. Now, if you will be good enough to get your watch on the desk, you will see that the five minutes you asked for are up and, since you insist on saying good-bye to me, will you say it as quickly as possible, please, and let me go? (Makes no attempt to move.)

Smith. No. Not until we've decided what's to be done about your other letters. (Hand unconsciously rests on the box of letters without his knowing it.)

Celia. (Glances at this and tries to appear unconcerned) What other letters?

Smith. I have that first one here. (Pressing his hand over his heart.) But-all the others. Good God! (Moving well down R.) When I think of love letters of yours wandering loose about Somaliland- (Celia places her bag quickly on table, steals her arm across, seizes the box of letters while Smith is not looking, and on the word Somaliland, swings away from him, hiding the box awkwardly under her cloak.) There's one thing I can do to show you what I feel about it. Give me some clue to the mistaken addresses you must have put upon them and I'll start back to-morrow and fetch them. (Comes L.C., quite close to Celia.)

Celia. From Somaliland?

Smith. From Hell, if necessary.

Celia. Fortunately, such a journey would be superfluous.

Smith. What do you mean?

Celia. I mean that all of those hundreds and hundreds of letters that I was fool enough to write to an imaginary hero are all here in this box. And now they're going into the furnace with my own hands. (Starts for door, swinging the box in her right hand.)

Smith. (Following her and playfully taking the box from her) Won't you give them to me instead?

Celia. (Turns back and they both hold on to box) Certainly not. It's an additional insult that you should even suggest such a thing. Do you suppose I ever want to see you or hear your name again-a man who has dared to hold me up to ridicule as you have done-to wickedly and cruelly amuse himself at my expense- (Smith gives a low laugh.) Oh, don't you suppose I know how funny I must have seemed to you? Ha! Ha! (Imitates Smith's laugh.) Silly idiot of a girl, tired of having no notice taken of her, tired of being kept on the shelf, just dying to show people how attractive she could be-only give her the chance. And to think because of that I made such an everlasting fool of myself before a man, a man who is capable of-

Smith. Capable of telling you a lie, Miss Faraday? (Puts box of letters on table.)

(READY Motor Horn.)

Celia. Well, you did. You know you did. You did everything you could think of to deceive me.

Smith. I can't deny it.

Celia. And do you believe that a man or a woman could ever bring himself or herself to respect or have anything to do with a man or a woman who-who deceived?

Smith. I do believe it. And judging by my own case, I may say I know it.

Celia. I don't think it is very generous of you to allude to me in that manner.

Smith. Me. We are discussing me, Miss Faraday. What can I say to induce you to forgive me?

Celia. Nothing. (Smith turns away. She glances at him. In an indifferent tone) But, of course, you may say it if you wish.

Smith. (Turns and comes to her. Tenderly) I did lie to you elaborately, and I'm going to be jolly glad that I had the chance of lying to you, and I want all the rest of my life the chance of telling you the truth. These few hours with you have made me want so very much for more like them, made me want a chance to seem less odious in your eyes, at least to be on a fair footing, so that I may take my chances with the rest.

Celia. (Looking straight into his eyes) But they haven't any chance at all.

(Smith laughs a little and Celia, realizing her "break" turns her head away in confusion.)

Smith. Well, that's good news. Then give me a chance alone, won't you? You've only known me for four hours, but am I wrong in believing that you've been thinking of me for eight months? Can't I hope to take the place of the man to whom you gave my name?

(Celia smiles and looks down a little wistfully, as if about to consent. Motor horn toots three times.)

Celia. (Throwing off her yielding mood, turns and goes to the winged armchair, back to audience, shaking out her veil and pointing L.) Oh, no, it's all too impossible. Besides, Mr. Raleigh is waiting for me in the motor.

Smith. (Comes to her and gently takes her right hand) You've been dreaming for eight months of an ideal that you never thought to see. I've been dreaming all my life in exactly the same way and at last I've seen mine.

Celia. (After a pause, during which she lets her hand rest in his, her head averted) Yes, but it's too late now, because I'm leaving here immediately. Mr. Raleigh is waiting to take me to the station. (Smith pulls her gently across and down stage a few steps. She goes quite willingly.) Will you please let me go?

Smith. (Still holding her hands) You shall go. I shall let you go. The instant you tell me to whom you are speaking-Celia.

Celia. Really, this is an outrage. Will you kindly let me go, Colonel Smith?

Smith. He can't. You remember you killed him of wounds at Berbera.

Celia. Well, Colonel Vavasour, will you please let me go?

Smith. He can't. The lawyers haven't finished making him.

Celia. (After a pause, while she slowly breaks into a laugh) Oh, very well, then-Wobbles.

(Smith releases her hand and she hurries to door R. and opens it.)

Smith. Please don't go. Come into the next room and talk things over.

(Auto horn toots impatiently off R.)

Celia. No, no, I can't. There's Mr. Raleigh. He's come up to the door. Good-bye.

Smith. (After a pause) Good-bye?

Celia. Yes, good-bye. (Goes to door and looks off down stairs) Why, here he is coming up the steps. Martin's letting him in. (Smith turns and goes slowly up stage to C. Putting on her veil) No wonder he's impatient. He's been waiting for me for twenty minutes.

Smith. (In doorway) Yes, but remember I've been waiting for you for twenty years. (Exits, off L.C.)

(WARN Curtain.)

(Celia pauses a moment and then crosses up as if to call him back, looking over her shoulder to see that Raleigh is not coming. She goes off stage C. and looks after Smith and then with a sigh, comes back into room, goes to L. of table, tying her veil as she comes down. Raleigh enters. He's very cold. His nose is red, his coat collar turned up and he is chattering. Comes to R.C. a little up stage.)

Raleigh. Miss Faraday, I had to come in. I'm nearly frozen-you'll miss your train. I've been waiting for you for twenty minutes. (He offers her his arm. Celia picks up her bag, crosses to him, takes his arm and they walk quickly to the door. He is above her. He smiles contentedly as they start to exit. As they get to the door, she swings him right out and turns back, going up and off C. again, looking after Smith. Raleigh returns and stands by door) Aren't you coming?

Celia. (Comes down to him and, as she reaches winged chair, she suddenly drops her bag in the seat of it and throws back her head with a joyous laugh) No, I've changed my mind. I'm going to stay, because he's been waiting for me for twenty years. (Runs gaily up and off after Smith, waving her hand to Raleigh as she goes. Raleigh drops his hat in amazement, with a smothered, "Well, I'll be-")

QUICK CURTAIN

LIGHT PLOT

ACT I

At rise, footlights and first border white and amber full up. Four table lamps on stage alight. In card room U.L. chandelier; and amber bunch off. In morning room U.R. lamp on table; and amber bunch off. At exit of Phyllis and Evelyn on cue "I think they do," from Phyllis, Phyllis switches off lights U.R. and Evelyn puts out lamp in morning room. All lamps go out, leaving only chandelier in card room alight. First border to one quarter. White foots out and amber foots to one quarter. When Evelyn puts out lamp in morning room, put out bunch in same. When Celia turns up switch on cue, "Oh, it's you, Aunt Ida," all lights on stage full up as before except bunch and lamp in morning room. Electric switch U.R. on set to R. morning room door. Bell push U.L.C; to R. card room door. Amber No. 32 in fireplace on knife switch to be flickered when Celia throws letters and army list into fire. Red bunch in fireplace.

ACT II

Amber bunch in room R. Light amber on backing card room. Red glow from fireplace. On cue, "other fish in the sea," from Grice, amber on backing, changing to dark amber very slowly and then out. On cue, "Ready, Celia, ready," from Faraday, comes up slowly to moonlight blue. When amber change is made on backing foots and borders down about five points. When Phyllis lights lamp on table R.C. on cue, "Oh, there's a message," foots and borders full up as before.

ACT III

Foots and first border full up amber and white. Blue bunch in conservatory left. Blue bunch and moonlight spots in window R. Spot to be directed on chair left of upper doors. Red glow up and off R. to suggest fire as in Act I. Also amber No. 32 as before to be flickered when Smith "burns" army list. Two candles on table C. lighted. On cue-"Damn Wobbles, I am going because" – from Col. Smith, white third border full up, a moment after Evelyn exits, put third border out. One cue, "Then let me sit like this in the dark" from Celia, – Celia switches off light U.L. All lights on stage out, except red glow and lights on backing and blue spot on Celia. On cue, "Army lists don't burn so suddenly as that," from Celia, Aunt Ida turns up switch, lights full up as before. Bell push U.L.C.L, of center doors light switch to L. of this.

PROPERTY PLOT

Set Properties-Act I

A medium-sized table L., on it a book slide containing books and army list, lamp, sewing bag, silver purse containing coin money. To right of table, armchair with cushion. At head of table, a single chair. Left of table, a single chair. Cabinet above door L. against wall, on it a vase of flowers, photograph frames. A small grand piano at back with drapery, on it lamp, bowl of flowers, some photograph frames. Long narrow table right, an armchair with small cushion to L. of it. Waste-paper basket under it. Stool below it. On it a table cover, English periodicals at each end, railway guide at upper end; a lamp, silver cigarette box, a paper knife, letters, vase of tulips, calendar, match-holder, ashtray. R. table a large sofa with cushions. Against fireplace, large mantel, on it three vases. Against mantel, a club fender. Below mantel, armchair. A small writing table U.R., on it small lamp, a small vase of flowers, blotting pad containing pens, ink, paper and envelopes. In card room U.L., card table and four chairs. On table, two packs of cards, pencils, bridge-markers, ashtray. In morning room, small table, two chairs. On table, lamp, ashtray, match-holder, vase of flowers.

ACT II

Same as Act I, and table L.C., and chair moved to C.R., nearer center. On it, teatray laid for five people, plum cake on plate. Armchair moved to L. of table and plain chair moved to R. of table. Muffin-stand placed lower end of cabinet. On it muffins, cakes, etc. Throat spray behind vase on the table R.C. for Phyllis. Remove waste-paper basket. Embroidery on table R.C., for Phyllis. Election address on cabinet L., for Tarver. Close table in card room-rearrange chairs and draw curtains. Replace all flowers with autumn flowers.

ACT III

A small round dinner table center, two chairs R. and L. of it. On table, lace cloth. Candles and flowers at back. In center, basket of fruit, almond dish with burnt almonds, large silver cigarette box, silver cigarette lighter, two ashtrays, plates and finger-bowls, fruit knives and forks, napkins, nut crackers. A small sewing-table U.R. To R. of it, a high-backed winged armchair. L. of it, a square armchair. On table, a lamp. R. of center doors a small table; on it, silver serving tray, small tray with brandy decanter, two liquor glasses, desk and chair L. On desk, pens, ink, paper and envelopes. Couch with cushions L. desk. China closets in first L. flat containing bric-a-brac. In conservatory palms and flowers. L. of center doors-chair. In room U.C. off stage cabinet of Act I-table and armchair. On table book-rack with army list as seen in Act II.

HAND PROPERTIES OFF STAGE

ACT I

Off R.3, cigars for Faraday and Admiral. Coins for Raleigh. Off L.I, oilskin coat, and hat, and traveling bag (all wet) for Celia.

ACT II

Off R.3, tonic bottle for Tarver. Clothes-brush for Tarver. Off L.I, English Times and periodical with mailing wrapper on it-on salver for Martin. Two boxes wrapped in tissue paper for Celia. Card on salver for Martin. Pin and large heavy-faced open watch and chain and cigarette case for Col. Smith. Army list on salver for Martin. Off R.3, atlas for Tarver. (Set of chimes and doorbell off L.)

ACT III

Off R.I, tray with coffee-pot, two demi-tasse, and sugar bowl and one cigarette, for Martin. Smart motor wrap, muff, bonnet, and traveling bag belonging to Celia. Large heavy ulster, furs, and bonnet (for Aunt Ida) (for Martin). Large covered box tied with pink ribbon and small box supposed to contain watch and pin for Celia. Army list partly burnt, in tongs, off R.3, for Celia.