The Sea Lady

“It’s real enough to her.”

“As real as she can make it, you know. But she isn’t real herself. She begins badly.”

“And he, you know – ”

“He doesn’t believe in it.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“I am – now.”

“He’s a complicated being.”

“He will ravel out,” said the Sea Lady.

“I think you misjudge him about that work of his, anyhow,” said Melville. “He’s a man rather divided against himself.” He added abruptly, “We all are.” He recovered himself from the generality. “It’s vague, I admit, a sort of vague wish to do something decent, you know, that he has – ”

“A sort of vague wish,” she conceded; “but – ”

“He means well,” said Melville, clinging to his proposition.

“He means nothing. Only very dimly he suspects – ”

“Yes?”

“What you too are beginning to suspect… That other things may be conceivable even if they are not possible. That this life of yours is not everything. That it is not to be taken too seriously. Because … there are better dreams!”

The song of the sirens was in her voice; my cousin would not look at her face. “I know nothing of any other dreams,” he said. “One has oneself and this life, and that is enough to manage. What other dreams can there be? Anyhow, we are in the dream – we have to accept it. Besides, you know, that’s going off the question. We were talking of Chatteris, and why you have come for him. Why should you come, why should any one outside come – into this world?”

“Because we are permitted to come – we immortals. And why, if we choose to do so, and taste this life that passes and continues, as rain that falls to the ground, why should we not do it? Why should we abstain?”

“And Chatteris?”

“If he pleases me.”

He roused himself to a Titanic effort against an oppression that was coming over him. He tried to get the thing down to a definite small case, an incident, an affair of considerations. “But look here, you know,” he said. “What precisely do you mean to do if you get him? You don’t seriously intend to keep up the game to that extent. You don’t mean – positively, in our terrestrial fashion, you know – to marry him?”

The Sea Lady laughed at his recovery of the practical tone. “Well, why not?” she asked.

“And go about in a bath chair, and – No, that’s not it. What is it?”

He looked up into her eyes, and it was like looking into deep water. Down in that deep there stirred impalpable things. She smiled at him.

“No!” she said, “I sha’n’t marry him and go about in a bath chair. And grow old as all earthly women must. (It’s the dust, I think, and the dryness of the air, and the way you begin and end.) You burn too fast, you flare and sink and die. This life of yours! – the illnesses and the growing old! When the skin wears shabby, and the light is out of the hair, and the teeth – Not even for love would I face it. No… But then you know – ” Her voice sank to a low whisper. “There are better dreams.”

“What dreams?” rebelled Melville. “What do you mean? What are you? What do you mean by coming into this life – you who pretend to be a woman – and whispering, whispering … to us who are in it, to us who have no escape.”

“But there is an escape,” said the Sea Lady.

“How?”

“For some there is an escape. When the whole life rushes to a moment – ” And then she stopped. Now there is clearly no sense in this sentence to my mind, even from a lady of an essentially imaginary sort, who comes out of the sea. How can a whole life rush to a moment? But whatever it was she really did say, there is no doubt she left it half unsaid.

He glanced up at her abrupt pause, and she was looking at the house.

“Do … ris! Do … ris! Are you there?” It was Mrs. Bunting’s voice floating athwart the lawn, the voice of the ascendant present, of invincibly sensible things. The world grew real again to Melville. He seemed to wake up, to start back from some delusive trance that crept upon him.

He looked at the Sea Lady as if he were already incredulous of the things they had said, as if he had been asleep and dreamed the talk. Some light seemed to go out, some fancy faded. His eye rested upon the inscription, “Flamps, Bath Chair Proprietor,” just visible under her arm.

“We’ve got perhaps a little more serious than – ” he said doubtfully, and then, “What you have been saying – did you exactly mean – ?”

The rustle of Mrs. Bunting’s advance became audible, and Parker moved and coughed.

He was quite sure they had been “more serious than – ”

“Another time perhaps – ”

Had all these things really been said, or was he under some fantastic hallucination?

He had a sudden thought. “Where’s your cigarette?” he asked.

But her cigarette had ended long ago.

“And what have you been talking about so long?” sang Mrs. Bunting, with an almost motherly hand on the back of Melville’s chair.

“Oh!” said Melville, at a loss for once, and suddenly rising from his chair to face her, and then to the Sea Lady with an artificially easy smile, “What have we been talking about?”

“All sorts of things, I dare say,” said Mrs. Bunting, in what might almost be called an arch manner. And she honoured Melville with a special smile – one of those smiles that are morally almost winks.

My cousin caught all the archness full in the face, and for four seconds he stared at Mrs. Bunting in amazement. He wanted breath. Then they all laughed together, and Mrs. Bunting sat down pleasantly and remarked, quite audibly to herself, “As if I couldn’t guess.”

IV

I gather that after this talk Melville fell into an extraordinary net of doubting. In the first place, and what was most distressing, he doubted whether this conversation could possibly have happened at all, and if it had whether his memory had not played him some trick in modifying and intensifying the import of it all. My cousin occasionally dreams conversations of so sober and probable a sort as to mingle quite perplexingly with his real experiences. Was this one of these occasions? He found himself taking up and scrutinising, as it were, first this remembered sentence and then that. Had she really said this thing and quite in this way? His memory of their conversation was never quite the same for two days together. Had she really and deliberately foreshadowed for Chatteris some obscure and mystical submergence?

What intensified and complicated his doubts most, was the Sea Lady’s subsequent serene freedom from allusion to anything that might or might not have passed. She behaved just as she had always behaved; neither an added intimacy nor that distance that follows indiscreet confidences appeared in her manner.

And amidst this crop of questions arose presently quite a new set of doubts, as if he were not already sufficiently equipped. The Sea Lady alleged she had come to the world that lives on land, for Chatteris.

And then – ?

He had not hitherto looked ahead to see precisely what would happen to Chatteris, to Miss Glendower, to the Buntings or any one when, as seemed highly probable, Chatteris was “got.” There were other dreams, there was another existence, an elsewhere – and Chatteris was to go there! So she said! But it came into Melville’s mind with a quite disproportionate force and vividness that once, long ago, he had seen a picture of a man and a mermaid, rushing downward through deep water… Could it possibly be that sort of thing in the year eighteen hundred and ninety-nine? Conceivably, if she had said these things, did she mean them, and if she meant them, and this definite campaign of capture was in hand, what was an orderly, sane-living, well-dressed bachelor of the world to do?

Look on – until things ended in a catastrophe?

One figures his face almost aged. He appears to have hovered about the house on the Sandgate Riviera to a scandalous extent, failing always to get a sufficiently long and intimate tête-à-tête with the Sea Lady to settle once for all his doubts as to what really had been said and what he had dreamed or fancied in their talk. Never had he been so exceedingly disturbed as he was by the twist this talk had taken. Never had his habitual pose of humorous acquiescence in life been quite so difficult to keep up. He became positively absent-minded. “You know if it’s like that, it’s serious,” was the burden of his private mutterings. His condition was palpable even to Mrs. Bunting. But she misunderstood his nature. She said something. Finally, and quite abruptly, he set off to London in a state of frantic determination to get out of it all. The Sea Lady wished him good-bye in Mrs. Bunting’s presence as if there had never been anything unusual between them.

I suppose one may contrive to understand something of his disturbance. He had made quite considerable sacrifices to the world. He had, at great pains, found his place and his way in it, he had imagined he had really “got the hang of it,” as people say, and was having an interesting time. And then, you know, to encounter a voice, that subsequently insists upon haunting you with “There are better dreams”; to hear a tale that threatens complications, disasters, broken hearts, and not to have the faintest idea of the proper thing to do.

But I do not think he would have bolted from Sandgate until he had really got some more definite answer to the question, “What better dreams?” until he had surprised or forced some clearer illumination from the passive invalid, if Mrs. Bunting one morning had not very tactfully dropped a hint.

You know Mrs. Bunting, and you can imagine what she tactfully hinted. Just at that time, what with her own girls and the Glendower girls, her imagination was positively inflamed for matrimony; she was a matrimonial fanatic; she would have married anybody to anything just for the fun of doing it, and the idea of pairing off poor Melville to this mysterious immortal with a scaly tail seems to have appeared to her the most natural thing in the world.

Apropos of nothing whatever I fancy she remarked, “Your opportunity is now, Mr. Melville.”

“My opportunity!” cried Melville, trying madly not to understand in the face of her pink resolution.

“You’ve a monopoly now,” she cried. “But when we go back to London with her there will be ever so many people running after her.”

I fancy Melville said something about carrying the thing too far. He doesn’t remember what he did say. I don’t think he even knew at the time.

However, he fled back to London in August, and was there so miserably at loose ends that he had not the will to get out of the place. On this passage in the story he does not dwell, and such verisimilitude as may be, must be supplied by my imagination. I imagine him in his charmingly appointed flat, – a flat that is light without being trivial, and artistic with no want of dignity or sincerity, – finding a loss of interest in his books, a loss of beauty in the silver he (not too vehemently) collects. I imagine him wandering into that dainty little bed-room of his and around into the dressing-room, and there, rapt in a blank contemplation of the seven-and-twenty pairs of trousers (all creasing neatly in their proper stretchers) that are necessary to his conception of a wise and happy man. For every occasion he has learnt, in a natural easy progress to knowledge, the exquisitely appropriate pair of trousers, the permissible upper garment, the becoming gesture and word. He was a man who had mastered his world. And then, you know, the whisper: —

“There are better dreams.”

“What dreams?” I imagine him asking, with a defensive note. Whatever transparence the world might have had, whatever suggestion of something beyond there, in the sea garden at Sandgate, I fancy that in Melville’s apartments in London it was indisputably opaque.

And “Damn it!” he cried, “if these dreams are for Chatteris, why should she tell me? Suppose I had the chance of them – Whatever they are – ”

He reflected, with a terrible sincerity in the nature of his will.

“No!” And then again, “No!

“And if one mustn’t have ’em, why should one know about ’em and be worried by them? If she comes to do mischief, why shouldn’t she do mischief without making me an accomplice?”

He walks up and down and stops at last and stares out of his window on the jaded summer traffic going Haymarket way.

He sees nothing of that traffic. He sees the little sea garden at Sandgate and that little group of people very small and bright and something – something hanging over them. “It isn’t fair on them – or me – or anybody!”

Then you know, quite suddenly, I imagine him swearing.

I imagine him at his luncheon, a meal he usually treats with a becoming gravity. I imagine the waiter marking the kindly self-indulgence of his clean-shaven face, and advancing with that air of intimate participation the good waiter shows to such as he esteems. I figure the respectful pause, the respectful enquiry.

“Oh, anything!” cries Melville, and the waiter retires amazed.

V

To add to Melville’s distress, as petty discomforts do add to all genuine trouble, his club-house was undergoing an operation, and was full of builders and decorators; they had gouged out its windows and gagged its hall with scaffolding, and he and his like were guests of a stranger club that had several members who blew. They seemed never to do anything but blow and sigh and rustle papers and go to sleep about the place; they were like blight-spots on the handsome plant of this host-club, and it counted for little with Melville, in the state he was in, that all the fidgety breathers were persons of eminent position. But it was this temporary dislocation of his world that brought him unexpectedly into a quasi confidential talk with Chatteris one afternoon, for Chatteris was one of the less eminent and amorphous members of this club that was sheltering Melville’s club.

Melville had taken up Punch – he was in that mood when a man takes up anything – and was reading, he did not know exactly what. Presently he sighed, looked up, and discovered Chatteris entering the room.

He was surprised to see Chatteris, startled and just faintly alarmed, and Chatteris it was evident was surprised and disconcerted to see him. Chatteris stood in as awkward an attitude as he was capable of, staring unfavourably, and for a moment or so he gave no sign of recognition. Then he nodded and came forward reluctantly. His every movement suggested the will without the wit to escape. “You here?” he said.

“What are you doing away from Hythe at this time?” asked Melville.

“I came here to write a letter,” said Chatteris.

He looked about him rather helplessly. Then he sat down beside Melville and demanded a cigarette. Suddenly he plunged into intimacy.

“It is doubtful whether I shall contest Hythe,” he remarked.

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

He lit his cigarette.

“Would you?” he asked.

“Not a bit of it,” said Melville. “But then it’s not my line.”

“Is it mine?”

“Isn’t it a little late in the day to drop it?” said Melville. “You’ve been put up for it now. Every one’s at work. Miss Glendower – ”

“I know,” said Chatteris.

“Well?”

“I don’t seem to want to go on.”

“My dear man!”

“It’s a bit of overwork perhaps. I’m off colour. Things have gone flat. That’s why I’m up here.”

He did a very absurd thing. He threw away a quarter-smoked cigarette and almost immediately demanded another.

“You’ve been a little immoderate with your statistics,” said Melville.

Chatteris said something that struck Melville as having somehow been said before. “Election, progress, good of humanity, public spirit. None of these things interest me really,” he said. “At least, not just now.”

Melville waited.

“One gets brought up in an atmosphere in which it’s always being whispered that one should go for a career. You learn it at your mother’s knee. They never give you time to find out what you really want, they keep on shoving you at that. They form your character. They rule your mind. They rush you into it.”

“They didn’t rush me,” said Melville.

“They rushed me, anyhow. And here I am!”

“You don’t want a career?”

“Well – Look what it is.”

“Oh! if you look at what things are!”

“First of all, the messing about to get into the House. These confounded parties mean nothing – absolutely nothing. They aren’t even decent factions. You blither to damned committees of damned tradesmen whose sole idea for this world is to get overpaid for their self-respect; you whisper and hobnob with local solicitors and get yourself seen about with them; you ask about the charities and institutions, and lunch and chatter and chum with every conceivable form of human conceit and pushfulness and trickery – ”

He broke off. “It isn’t as if they were up to anything! They’re working in their way, just as you are working in your way. It’s the same game with all of them. They chase a phantom gratification, they toil and quarrel and envy, night and day, in the perpetual attempt to persuade themselves in spite of everything that they are real and a success – ”

He stopped and smoked.

Melville was spiteful. “Yes,” he admitted, “but I thought your little movement was to be something more than party politics and self-advancement – ?”

He left his sentence interrogatively incomplete.

“The condition of the poor,” he said.

“Well?” said Chatteris, regarding him with a sort of stony admission in his blue eyes.

Melville dodged the look. “At Sandgate,” he said, “there was, you know, a certain atmosphere of belief – ”

“I know,” said Chatteris for the second time.

“That’s the devil of it!” said Chatteris after a pause.

“If I don’t believe in the game I’m playing, if I’m left high and dry on this shoal, with the tide of belief gone past me, it isn’t my planning, anyhow. I know the decent thing I ought to do. I mean to do it; in the end I mean to do it; I’m talking in this way to relieve my mind. I’ve started the game and I must see it out; I’ve put my hand to the plough and I mustn’t go back. That’s why I came to London – to get it over with myself. It was running up against you, set me off. You caught me at the crisis.”

“Ah!” said Melville.

“But for all that, the thing is as I said – none of these things interest me really. It won’t alter the fact that I am committed to fight a phantom election about nothing in particular, for a party that’s been dead ten years. And if the ghosts win, go into the Parliament as a constituent spectre… There it is – as a mental phenomenon!”

He reiterated his cardinal article. “The interest is dead,” he said, “the will has no soul.”

He became more critical. He bent a little closer to Melville’s ear. “It isn’t really that I don’t believe. When I say I don’t believe in these things I go too far. I do. I know, the electioneering, the intriguing is a means to an end. There is work to be done, sound work, and important work. Only – ”

Melville turned an eye on him over his cigarette end.

Chatteris met it, seemed for a moment to cling to it. He became absurdly confidential. He was evidently in the direst need of a confidential ear.

“I don’t want to do it. When I sit down to it, square myself down in the chair, you know, and say, now for the rest of my life this is IT – this is your life, Chatteris; there comes a sort of terror, Melville.”

“H’m,” said Melville, and turned away. Then he turned on Chatteris with the air of a family physician, and tapped his shoulder three times as he spoke. “You’ve had too much statistics, Chatteris,” he said.

He let that soak in. Then he turned about towards his interlocutor, and toyed with a club ash tray. “It’s every day has overtaken you,” he said. “You can’t see the wood for the trees. You forget the spacious design you are engaged upon, in the heavy details of the moment. You are like a painter who has been working hard upon something very small and exacting in a corner. You want to step back and look at the whole thing.”

“No,” said Chatteris, “that isn’t quite it.”

Melville indicated that he knew better.

“I keep on, stepping back and looking at it,” said Chatteris. “Just lately I’ve scarcely done anything else. I’ll admit it’s a spacious and noble thing – political work done well – only – I admire it, but it doesn’t grip my imagination. That’s where the trouble comes in.”

“What does grip your imagination?” asked Melville. He was absolutely certain the Sea Lady had been talking this paralysis into Chatteris, and he wanted to see just how far she had gone. “For example,” he tested, “are there – by any chance – other dreams?”

Chatteris gave no sign at the phrase. Melville dismissed his suspicion. “What do you mean – other dreams?” asked Chatteris.

“Is there conceivably another way – another sort of life – some other aspect – ?”

“It’s out of the question,” said Chatteris. He added, rather remarkably, “Adeline’s awfully good.”

My cousin Melville acquiesced silently in Adeline’s goodness.

“All this, you know, is a mood. My life is made for me – and it’s a very good life. It’s better than I deserve.”

“Heaps,” said Melville.

“Much,” said Chatteris defiantly.

“Ever so much,” endorsed Melville.

“Let’s talk of other things,” said Chatteris. “It’s what even the street boys call mawbid nowadays to doubt for a moment the absolute final all-this-and-nothing-else-in-the-worldishness of whatever you happen to be doing.”

My cousin Melville, however, could think of no other sufficiently interesting topic. “You left them all right at Sandgate?” he asked, after a pause.

“Except little Bunting.”

“Seedy?”

“Been fishing.”

“Of course. Breezes and the spring tides… And Miss Waters?”

Chatteris shot a suspicious glance at him. He affected the offhand style. “She’s quite well,” he said. “Looks just as charming as ever.”

“She really means that canvassing?”

“She’s spoken of it again.”

“She’ll do a lot for you,” said Melville, and left a fine wide pause.

Chatteris assumed the tone of a man who gossips.

“Who is this Miss Waters?” he asked.

“A very charming person,” said Melville and said no more.

Chatteris waited and his pretence of airy gossip vanished. He became very much in earnest.

“Look here,” he said. “Who is this Miss Waters?”

“How should I know?” prevaricated Melville.

“Well, you do know. And the others know. Who is she?”

Melville met his eyes. “Won’t they tell you?” he asked.

“That’s just it,” said Chatteris.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Why shouldn’t I know?”

“There’s a sort of promise to keep it dark.”

“Keep what dark?”

My cousin gestured.

“It can’t be anything wrong?” My cousin made no sign.

“She may have had experiences?”

My cousin reflected a moment on the possibilities of the deep-sea life. “She has had them,” he said.

“I don’t care, if she has.”

There came a pause.

“Look here, Melville,” said Chatteris, “I want to know this. Unless it’s a thing to be specially kept from me… I don’t like being among a lot of people who treat me as an outsider. What is this something about Miss Waters?”

“What does Miss Glendower say?”

“Vague things. She doesn’t like her and she won’t say why. And Mrs. Bunting goes about with discretion written all over her. And she herself looks at you – And that maid of hers looks – The thing’s worrying me.”

“Why don’t you ask the lady herself?”

“How can I, till I know what it is? Confound it! I’m asking you plainly enough.”

“Well,” said Melville, and at the moment he had really decided to tell Chatteris. But he hung upon the manner of presentation. He thought in the moment to say, “The truth is, she is a mermaid.” Then as instantly he perceived how incredible this would be. He always suspected Chatteris of a capacity for being continental and romantic. The man might fly out at him for saying such a thing of a lady.

A dreadful doubt fell upon Melville. As you know, he had never seen that tail with his own eyes. In these surroundings there came to him such an incredulity of the Sea Lady as he had not felt even when first Mrs. Bunting told him of her. All about him was an atmosphere of solid reality, such as one can breathe only in a first-class London club. Everywhere ponderous arm-chairs met the eye. There were massive tables in abundance and match-boxes of solid rock. The matches were of some specially large, heavy sort. On a ponderous elephant-legged green baize table near at hand were several copies of the Times, the current Punch, an inkpot of solid brass, and a paper weight of lead. There are other dreams! It seemed impossible. The breathing of an eminent person in a chair in the far corner became very distinct in that interval. It was heavy and resolute like the sound of a stone-mason’s saw. It insisted upon itself as the touchstone of reality. It seemed to say that at the first whisper of a thing so utterly improbable as a mermaid it would snort and choke.