Her Christmas Wish

“Of course,” Leah said, her sense of humor surfacing despite her agitation. It was one of the things that she’d learned over the years—to look for the joy in every situation. She deliberately widened her eyes. “You mean Mrs. Baker didn’t wear hers?”

Ben stared at her. She knew he was intelligent, but somewhere along the way his sense of humor had definitely slipped its track.

“That was a joke, Mr. Cavanaugh.”

“Oh.” He forced a smile.

“This is my confidence outfit.” He was still looking rather uncertain, so Leah realized she needed to explain. “Last summer I lived with a family whose oldest daughter was thirteen and very shy. I encouraged her to try out for a summer play at the high school and we went shopping before the tryouts for a confidence outfit. She let me pick it out. When the time came for me to leave and I had to interview with a new family, Christine took me shopping. Only that time, she picked out my confidence outfit. I promised her I’d wear it every time I had a new interview.”

“So the boots…”

“You’ll never see them again.” The truth was she loved them. But if she had to choose between her favorite footwear and the chance to meet Olivia Cavanaugh, the boots would be banished to the back of the closet.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with them,” he said quickly. Too quickly.

“Is there anything else, Mr. Cavanaugh?” She really needed to find a quiet place to fall apart. At least she’d just discovered a hidden benefit of her boots—they prevented her ankles from shaking. “Did you want to check my umbrella to make sure there’s not a talking parrot on the end of it?”

At the look on Ben Cavanaugh’s face, Leah wished she had a rewind button on her lips. People told her she had a rather offbeat sense of humor and even though Ben had started the whole Mary Poppins thing to begin with…

“A joke, right, Miss Paxson?” he ventured quietly.

She nodded, not trusting herself to say another word.

“We’ll see you tonight.”

She ducked toward the door.

“Miss Paxson?”

Leah paused.

“Bring your umbrella.”

Ben knew the exact moment when Leah’s honeydew-on-wheels pulled into the driveway. Olivia, who had had her face pressed to the window for almost an hour, gave an excited shriek.

“Daddy, she’s here! Miss Paxson is here!”

He plucked the dishcloth off his shoulder, triple-folded it and hung it over the sink. “You can let her…”

The front door slammed.

“In.”

He shook his head, realizing that his concern over Olivia accepting a new nanny had been wasted energy. From the time he’d picked her up from school she’d asked him a million questions about Leah. Then changed the order and asked them all again.

While he made supper, she’d taken it upon herself to dust Leah’s room, even though no dust had dared to settle there while Nanny Baker occupied it. Olivia had even put some of her favorite stuffed animals on the bed as a welcoming committee.

He knew he should be relieved that Olivia wasn’t grieving over Nanny Baker’s departure but he still felt a bit uneasy. Especially since Leah Paxson was only with them on a trial basis.

He still thought she was too young. And too unconventional. And too…he clamped down hard on the next thought before it could surface again.

Nanny Baker had fit smoothly into their lives. The evenings in his home were generally quiet and orderly. By the time he got home from work, Olivia and Nanny had already eaten supper. Olivia had her bath while he watched the news or read the paper. Then, he helped Olivia with her homework. Nanny Baker read to her. He tucked her in. Together, they had been a well-oiled machine. Shortly after Olivia went to bed, Nanny Baker retired to her room, giving him the freedom to stretch out on the sofa with a bag of microwave popcorn and the latest bestselling suspense novel.

Why did he have the uneasy feeling that Leah was going to be the proverbial wrench in that well-oiled machine?

Ben exhaled slowly. More than anything, he wanted Olivia to be happy. In a sense, she’d lost two mothers. The first was her birth mother, who Ben had been told was a teenager when she’d had Olivia and given her up for adoption, and then Julia, who’d fallen in love with her on sight but had had only two precious months to hold her.

He tried to do the best he could, but many times he felt ill-equipped to handle the enormous responsibilities of being a parent, especially now that Olivia was getting older. With his mother living in Florida, he’d had to trust Mrs. Baker to provide a feminine influence in his daughter’s life.

Now the question was, could he trust Leah Paxson?

Twice on the way to the Cavanaughs’ home, Leah felt a wave of panic wash over her. When she was half a block away, she was tempted to call Mrs. Wallace and tell her she had decided to turn down the position.

She’d spent the afternoon sifting through the box of photos she’d inherited when her mother passed away, trying to come to grips with the fact that Olivia Cavanaugh was the baby she’d given birth to. Seven years ago. The child she never thought she’d see again. Not only was her resemblance to Leah’s mother uncanny, but Leah could see Olivia in the pictures taken of her as a child.

Now, as she turned the corner that took her into the quiet neighborhood where the Cavanaughs lived, she struggled with what to do. She knew Ben Cavanaugh wouldn’t hire her if he even suspected she was Olivia’s biological mother. He wouldn’t understand her motive….

What is your motive? The question rose up and mocked her, but it was her heart, not her head, that responded. She wanted to know Olivia. And even though she had no intention of hurting her, Ben Cavanaugh wouldn’t care. His first instinct would be to protect his child.

My child…

She whispered the words out loud and then, as the house came into view, she saw a face in the living room window. And then a blur of pink and lavender rushing down the sidewalk toward her car.

God, help me. I don’t think I can do this.

Immediately, the suffocating weight disappeared and she was able to breathe again.

There was a light rap on the passenger window of her car. Leah dared to look over and saw Olivia’s smiling face looking in at her. She slid out of the car and tested her knees, wondering if they were going to do their job and hold her upright.

“Your car is a funny color.”

Now Olivia was right beside her, her eyes bright and curious. Her finger traced a crooked path down the hood of the car.

Leah felt hot tears prickle her eyes as her heart struggled to absorb every detail about Olivia Cavanaugh. She was small for her age. Her hair had been expertly braided into matching pigtails. She was missing a front tooth. Her fingernails were coated with pink polish.

“Charlie is a little different.” Leah forced herself to concentrate.

“Charlie?” Olivia’s head tilted to one side, reminding Leah of a little bird.

“That’s its name. And your name must be Olivia.”

“Yup. But our car doesn’t have a name.” Olivia giggled.

As used to the sound of childish giggles as she was, this one went straight to her heart. Leah had expected Olivia to be shy, perhaps even resentful, of the woman taking Mrs. Baker’s place. She hadn’t expected the little girl to be so open and friendly.

When Olivia slipped her hand into Leah’s, Leah caught her breath.

“My daddy told me all about you,” Olivia chattered as they made their way up the sidewalk. She lowered her voice a little. “He said you don’t like the slide.”

“I think that for you I’d be willing to give it a try again,” Leah said, allowing Olivia to tow her into the house.

“We can go down like a train,” Olivia said. “Then you won’t be scared.”

Without warning, they turned a corner and Leah came face-to-face with Ben. He was standing in the kitchen beside the sink, obviously cleaning up from supper. Even dressed in work clothes, with his dark hair brushing the collar of his denim shirt, he looked like he’d just stepped out of a magazine cologne ad.

“Daddy, Miss Paxson said she’d go down the slide with me!”

Leah was glad that Olivia’s presence deflected the attention away from her, because she wasn’t sure she was good at pretending.

“Are you feeling all right, Miss Paxson?” He frowned at her.

Obviously she wasn’t as good at pretending as she’d hoped!

“I’m fine.” She forced her eyes to meet his.

He didn’t look convinced.

Fortunately, Olivia was anxious to show her to her room and Leah was able to escape Ben’s intense, brown-eyed gaze.

“Your room is next to mine,” Olivia told her as they reached the top of the stairs and walked down the narrow hallway. “There’s a door between them, but Nanny B didn’t want me to use it unless it was an emergency.”

“I see.” Leah hid a smile.

“Do you think thunderstorms are emergencies?” Olivia slid an anxious look at her.

“Definitely.”

“What about bad dreams?”

“Those, too.”

Olivia’s eyes reflected her relief. “Really?”

“And I think that cold toes and spelling tests and needing to talk are all emergencies, too.”

“You do?” Olivia squeaked.

Leah resisted the urge to sweep the little girl into her arms. Memories that she’d tucked away for seven years began to surface. The last time she’d held this child in her arms was hours after she’d given birth to her, when a sympathetic young nurse had brought her into Leah’s room to say goodbye. Her baby’s face was etched in her memory, the velvety skin of her cheek and the tuft of golden-brown hair on her head.

Olivia was patting her arm. “Do you like it?”

Leah snapped back to the present and realized Olivia was asking her about the room.

“It’s perfect,” Leah said, studying the small bedroom. There was a single bed positioned against one wall, made up with a pale green comforter and matching shams. At the foot of the bed was a beautiful trunk fitted with brass hinges. She wondered if Ben had made it. The floral curtains on the window were faded, but Leah thought they only added to the room’s overall charm.

“This was Uncle Eli’s room,” Olivia said. “Daddy said the walls used to be brown.” She made a face.

“Is Uncle Eli your father’s brother?” Leah was anxious to piece together a picture of the Cavanaugh family.

“He’s a doctor.” Olivia bounced onto the bed, toppling a pyramid of stuffed animals that had been resting on the pillow. “He married Aunt Rachel. Aunt Rachel has pretty hair. She likes to braid mine.” Olivia gave a long-suffering sigh. “I let her.”

Leah chuckled. “I hope I get a chance to meet them.”

“Aunt Rachel invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner,” Olivia informed her. “Uncle Eli told me I’d have to help make the pies because Aunt Rachel only knows how to order them from the cate…” Olivia stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

“Caterer?” Leah guessed.

“Yup. And Grammy and Papa are coming from Florida to eat turkey with us. Papa always brings me a new shell for my collection.”

Leah tamped down the butterflies that had taken flight in her stomach once again. In the past, the families she worked for had always given her holidays off. She’d never been included in the actual celebrations, and even though she and Ben hadn’t worked out the specifics of her contract yet, she was sure that the Cavanaughs wouldn’t be any different.

Olivia skipped across the room and opened a narrow door centered in the wall. “Do you want to see my room?”

“I’d love to.”

Leah followed her into a little girl’s wonderland. From the ruffled valances that framed the windows to the fluffy comforter on the bed, everything was iced in pink.

Over the past five years, Leah had learned to tell a lot about the children in her life by their bedrooms. With a quick glance around the room, she could see that Olivia loved books, stuffed animals and music.

She could also see that Olivia was well-loved but not overly indulged. There was no computer, expensive stereo or television in her room like there had been in some of the bedrooms of the children she’d cared for. Instead, there was an artist’s easel, a bin overflowing with ink pads and rubber stamps and a microphone attached to a tiny boom box. On a nightstand next to bed, one lone goldfish with a filmy tail resided in a very clean bowl.

Her respect for Ben Cavanaugh rose even more. He was a good father.

Thank You, Lord. The simple words took wing from deep inside her. Ben Cavanaugh was exactly the kind of father she had prayed for for Olivia. The kind of father she hadn’t had. And even though he seemed a bit rigid and controlled, she wondered if that hadn’t come from losing his wife at such a young age.

For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

The verse swept into her thoughts and Leah clung to it, just like she had the first time she’d heard it, shortly after she’d given her baby up for adoption. Her future had looked bleak. She was exhausted from carrying the guilt that weighted down her heart. But then she’d discovered that God loved her and had a plan for her. Those were the words that had brought healing to her life.

As sure as Leah was that God had brought peace into her life, she knew that He’d also brought her to the Cavanaughs.

Chapter Three

Ben paused in the doorway, realizing that Olivia was so caught up in giving Leah an item-by-item description of her favorite things that she hadn’t noticed him yet.

It gave him a few seconds to study the new nanny.

As he watched, Leah put out her hand as if she was going to ruffle Olivia’s hair, but at the last second she withdrew it and crossed her arms instead. He wondered if she was the type of person who wasn’t comfortable with physical affection. When he was younger, he hadn’t been much of what his mother liked to call a “hugger” either, but having Olivia had changed that. The first time she’d grabbed his finger and squeezed it in her tiny fist, she’d won him over completely to the hugging side of life.

For the second time that day, he had the feeling that he’d seen Leah somewhere before. Chestnut Grove wasn’t that big…he must have caught a glimpse of her at the park or the diner at some point in time.

“This is Pearl….”

Olivia finally took a breath and Ben took advantage of the opportunity to break into their conversation.

“Is your room all right, Miss Paxson?”

Olivia let out a little shriek and Leah jumped. He was surprised her feet could leave the ground in those boots.

“Daddy, you scared us,” Olivia scolded.

“I’m sorry.” He said the words automatically, even as he noticed that Leah’s cheeks were tinted pink.

“It’s fine, Mr. Cavanaugh. Thank you.”

“Miss Paxson said that I can use the door between our rooms,” Olivia said. “But she has more emergencies than Nanny B had.”

Ben tried to decipher those cryptic words and gave up. “I know you have a spelling test tomorrow, peanut, so why don’t you study your list while Miss Paxson and I talk about some things.”

Olivia looked disappointed but she nodded. “You’ll be here tomorrow, won’t you, Miss Paxson?”

Leah glanced at him, almost as if she were wondering if he’d changed his mind. Not that he hadn’t spent most of the afternoon considering it! “I’ll be here when you get home from school.”

“Nanny B always picked me up,” Olivia explained.

“Then I suppose I’ll pick you up, too.”

“Which is one of the things Miss Paxson and I need to talk about,” Ben said meaningfully to his daughter.

“It was nice to meet you, Olivia,” Leah whispered before following him downstairs.

Ben caught a whiff of something stirring the air that smelled like vanilla. He realized it was Leah. He quickened his pace a little and decided to talk to her in his office again instead of the living room.

“Olivia seems to like you.” He motioned for Leah to sit down in the chair opposite his desk.

“She’s a very sweet little girl.”

Ben didn’t like feeling off-center. And the truth was he’d been feeling off-centered since that morning, when he’d interviewed Leah for the job. “My work takes me away from home a lot, Miss Paxson, and even though Olivia is in school full-time during the day, I don’t want her to be a latchkey kid when she comes home, making her own supper and waiting for me to come home in the evening. When Mrs. Baker left, I adjusted my schedule the best I could, but I will need you to take Olivia to school and pick her up at the end of day. I work most evenings until seven, and Saturday mornings, too. You can have one evening off per week and every Sunday.”

He gave her a brief outline of the things that Mrs. Baker had taken care of and mentioned some of his own expectations about her duties. Finally he paused, waiting to see if Leah had any questions.

Nothing could have prepared him for the one she chose to ask.

“Where do you and Olivia worship on Sunday mornings?”

“Worship?”

“Do you have a church family?” She tried again.

“No.”

A church family? What kind of question was that? But he knew exactly what kind of question it was. It was the kind of question that someone who was a Christian would ask.

He saw something in her eyes that looked almost like regret. But why would Leah Paxson regret the fact that he didn’t go to church? Maybe for the same reason his parents did. The unwelcome thought pushed its way into his head. They’d always told him that when he lost Julia, he hadn’t lost God, but he knew that was only partially true. How could you lose a God you weren’t sure had been there to begin with?

Leah drew in a quick, unsteady breath. She could tell by the look on Ben’s face that he didn’t like her question. His expression wasn’t the neutral one of someone who went about their day-to-day business and didn’t think about God, either. He looked like someone who’d unexpectedly heard the name of a friend who’d betrayed him.

A red flag rose in her mind, but Leah knew she had a bad habit of turning red flags into banners. Yet she had an important question and she needed to know the answer.

“I go to Chestnut Grove Community Church,” she said. “Do I have your permission to take Olivia if she wants to go with me?”

His eyes said no. His mouth even opened and started to form the word.

“If she wants to go with you.” Those were the words she heard him say instead. And Leah could tell he was just as surprised as she was. “You’ve probably seen my brother and his wife there,” he added tersely.

“Uncle Eli,” Leah remembered, not able to place him by memory. There were two morning worship services so it wouldn’t be unusual that she didn’t know them. “And Aunt Rachel. Who uses a caterer.”

She probably shouldn’t have said that, but Ben smiled. “According to my brother, Rachel loves a challenge and she’s decided that cooking is the newest hill to conquer. She insists on making Thanksgiving dinner this year.”

“Olivia mentioned that. And your parents are visiting from Florida?”

“They’ll be here the day before Thanksgiving. Do you have family in Chestnut Grove?”

The only family she had was studying her spelling words, but she couldn’t tell him that. “No. My mom passed away three years ago.” No point in mentioning her dad. He’d abandoned them when Leah was five and she didn’t have a clue where he was.

“I’m sorry.”

The two words were simple and Leah had heard them many times before, but she could hear the sincerity in his voice. He’d lost someone he’d loved, too. For a moment, Leah felt a brief connection with him. “Thank you.”

Ben stood up. “Do you have any questions about your responsibilities or the schedule, Miss Paxson?”

The schedule. He’d gone over it at the beginning of their conversation, detail by minute detail. She didn’t have any questions about it but she already had a few changes in mind!

“Miss Paxson…” Ben hesitated and Leah braced herself. She’d known him less than twenty-four hours and had already figured out that when he said her name and then searched for the right words, he wasn’t going to be talking about an increase in her salary. “Mrs. Baker lived here for seven years. She became a member of the family. Like a grandmother.”

Uh-oh.

“You may want to go out…or have friends over. Maybe even your boyfriend.” Ben shoved his hands into his pockets. “I realize you have a life, Miss Paxson, and I know that taking care of my daughter is a job…”

The word boyfriend had temporarily frozen Leah in place, but when she realized what he was getting at, she knew she had to say something.

“Mr. Cavanaugh, this may sound silly, but taking care of children is my life. I’m committed to Olivia and it’s not just because I’m under contract—”

“Technically, you aren’t under contract yet,” Ben reminded her. “Until the trial period is over.”

Leah knew he hadn’t meant to hurt her with his matter-of-fact words, but she couldn’t imagine being with Olivia for a month and then leaving. Somehow, she knew a second goodbye would shatter her heart more than the first one. Getting to know her daughter, only to lose her again, would be even more devastating.

Ben plowed his fingers through his hair in a gesture that clearly communicated his discomfort. “While you’re living here, treat this house as your home. I want you to feel comfortable here. That’s all I meant. I wasn’t questioning your dedication.”

It was easy for Leah to see that she wasn’t what he’d expected, but because of the circumstances, he’d had to hire her. He realized that she wasn’t Nanny Baker, bless that woman’s grandmotherly heart, and he was trying to create some order out of the chaos her sudden departure had created. The trapped look in his eyes told her he was navigating unfamiliar territory and Leah had a strong hunch it was something he didn’t like to do.

She felt an overwhelming urge to see him smile again.

“Does that mean I can practice my cello?” She gave him a hopeful look.

“You don’t really play the cello, do you?” He was beginning to catch on.

“No. The saxophone.” She was rewarded by the glimmer of a smile in his eyes. Oh, well, it was a start. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Cavanaugh.”

It was getting late and even though her fingers itched to tuck Olivia in, she knew she had to be patient. Tomorrow night, she told herself as she followed Ben down the hall. Tomorrow she could put her daughter to bed and begin building bittersweet memories. He opened the front door for her and she suddenly remembered something.

“Oh, I forgot to give you this.” Leah dug into her bag and pulled out an umbrella.

Ben’s mouth slashed into a reluctant smile as he took it from her and held it up to the light, making a point to study it from every angle.

“Does it pass inspection?” Leah asked. “See, it’s quite ordinary, just like me.”

For a moment, she felt the full force of his gaze and there weren’t any shadows lingering there. His eyes were warm and unguarded and his next words sucked the air out of her lungs. “I don’t think ordinary is a word I’d use to describe you at all, Miss Paxson.”

Chapter Four

“Looks like you have company.”

Jonah Fraser’s muffled voice reached Ben, where he was wedged between the wall and a built-in bookcase they were trying to remove with as little damage to it as possible.

“Man, that can’t be your new nanny.”

Ben closed his eyes briefly. Judging by the amazed tone in Jonah’s voice, he suddenly knew exactly who the company was. It was anyone’s guess, however, as to why they were here. Leah had been living with them for a week now and she still hadn’t figured out the schedule. Either that, or—and his suspicions were growing stronger by the hour—she just didn’t care about the schedule.

The first thing she’d done after she’d moved in was change suppertime. When he’d come home from work the day Leah moved in, expecting to eat a plate of leftovers at seven, he’d discovered the table set for three. Olivia had cheerfully announced that she’d eaten a snack after school and from now they were all going to eat together.