Gracie

She was momentarily dumbstruck. Old flannel she could easily deal with but open sincerity and genuine declarations were something different.

In the background she could hear Ruby calling her from the water’s edge but her voice seemed far, far away. Gracie focused on her feet, wiggling her toes in her sandals and shaking a few stray grains of sand from between them. Something strange was happening to her and though she wanted to get up and run away from the obvious danger in front of her, she couldn’t.

Even though the touch was so light it was barely there, Edward Woodfield’s leg burned into hers, and she was aware of his fresh breath that was far too close to the side of her face. She carried on looking down and didn’t meet his gaze, but nonetheless she was completely thrown by both the situation and the palpitations that were getting faster by the moment.

And then he moved an inch away from her. He stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back with his hands under his head.

‘So, what do you do for a living that has you resident at the seaside, you lucky thing?’ he asked, gently easing the tension of the moment.

‘I’ve always lived here. I was born here – I’m a Southender who’s never lived anywhere else …’ she paused. ‘But you’re not really interested in my life story, are you? It’s pretty boring.’

‘I am and I’m listening. I want to know all about you and then I’ll tell you all about me,’ he smiled.

‘There’s not enough time for all that stuff. Ruby will be back in a minute and then we have to go. I have a lot to do in the next few days …’ she paused. Gracie knew she should tell him about her forthcoming marriage, but instead she hesitated just long enough for him to interrupt.

‘It’s not important; we don’t need to know everything about each other immediately.’

As he smiled, so Gracie unintentionally found herself telling him an outline of her life story. It was a sanitised version, but he proved to be a good listener.

‘And you? What do you do?’ Gracie asked, turning it round to him.

‘I’m an engineer. I work abroad, mostly in Africa, but I’m back home on leave for Harry’s wedding. They’re driving me completely bananas with all the planning and organising; it’s going to be very formal, which is not my sort of thing, but it’s what they want. Or rather, what Louisa wants – and usually whatever Louisa wants, so does poor besotted Harry.’

‘I thought you looked too healthy and suntanned for England,’ Gracie said, carefully avoiding the subject of weddings.

‘Hardly healthy,’ he chuckled. ‘Not that long ago I was burnt to a cinder after a day at the beach and this is the outcome after the top three layers peeled. Luckily I have skin that tans. Gracie, can we meet again? Just the two of us. I can drive down here anytime. I’m in the UK for several more weeks until the wedding. I want to get to know you and for you to know me …’

‘I can’t do that, I really can’t. You see, it’s, it’s …’ Gracie stuttered, unable to get the words out.

‘Of course you can,’ he interrupted with a smile. ‘I’m not going to give up. I want to get to know you, and I want to marry you and whisk you off to Africa with me.’

‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ she snapped. ‘You’re taking the mickey out of me now. I told you, I’m not some stupid little fairground girl who’ll fall for your flannel and flattery and let you have your way, I’m not …’

‘I’m not taking the mickey and I’ve got no other motive. I mean it, I want to get to know you. Please, Gracie? I really mean it and I’ve never done this sort of thing before. Harry would have a pink fit if he knew I was declaring love at first sight to you. It’s just not me.’

He sounded so sincere that Gracie was immediately thrown; she wanted to believe him and to try and understand exactly what was passing between them but she didn’t know what to say and before she had time to think of a response Ruby appeared out of nowhere and stood in front of them. She looked from one to the other, glanced down in the direction of Gracie’s hidden left hand and shook her head.

‘Wow!’ she said with meaning.

‘Wow what?’ Gracie looked up and forced a smile.

‘Just, wow,’ Ruby said with a knowing shake of her head. ‘Shouldn’t we be going back home now? You know, things to do and … well, things to do and guests to prepare for!’

Ruby’s subtle reminder brought Gracie straight back to her senses and, shocked at herself, she jumped up and quickly stepped away from where Edward was sitting. He carefully moved back onto the blanket that Louisa had laid out and made a big show of brushing sand off his trousers, then a few moments later Harry and Louisa were back with them.

‘Picnic time! I’m famished, let’s get the grub set up …’ Louisa said loudly, oblivious to the odd atmosphere on the beach.

Gracie and Ruby both watched as Louisa knelt down and started unpacking the cavernous basket, pulling out two plates of sandwiches, a full-size gala pie, a box of biscuits, a selection of fruit and a large home-baked fruit cake. Drinks followed, along with assorted relishes, a cruet set and a full range of crockery, cutlery and glasses which had been strapped into the sides and lid.

‘Well, that looks really wonderful. I can’t believe you brought all that to the beach …’ Ruby said as she and Gracie watched the ceremonial unpacking in fascination.

‘Join us,’ Edward said. ‘There’s plenty. Our mother still thinks we need feeding up. I think she emptied the refrigerator straight into the basket rather than divide it up.’

‘That’s right,’ Louisa said. ‘Seems she’s given us enough here to feed the forty thousand. If you don’t join us we’ll have to share it with some passing children and those squawking seagulls, I think.’

As she laughed loudly so Harry, her fiancé, joined in appreciatively but Edward merely smiled politely. His eyes, screwed up against the sun, were surreptitiously back on Gracie.

‘I’m sorry, as I said it looks wonderful but we can’t stay,’ Ruby said, taking held of Gracie’s elbow and gently squeezing it. ‘It was lovely to meet you all but we really do have to get back. Work to do …’

‘We do have lots to do but I think we can stay for a bit longer …’ Gracie looked pleadingly at her friend. ‘That spread looks wonderful.’

Ruby looked at her closely for several seconds. ‘Okay, but only if you come for a splash around while the tide’s still up. Come and cool off with me.’

As soon as they were out of earshot, Ruby looked at her friend. ‘What are you playing at – you and that Edward? I saw the way you were looking at each other. Gracie, you were flirting like you’re single!’ Ruby hissed.

‘I’m not playing at anything. Rubes, he said he wants to marry me. He followed us from the Kursaal, he sat there on purpose …’ Gracie said quietly.

Ruby started to laugh but when she saw Gracie’s expression she stopped.

‘Oh for heaven’s sake, that is just stupid. How could he say something like that after five minutes? He must have a screw loose.’

Gracie swished the water around with her feet. ‘Maybe both of us have. There’s something there; he said he felt it and I know I did. It hit me the moment I saw him. I’ve never felt anything like this before. He’s the right one, I know it. Do you believe in love at first sight?’

‘I don’t know – but I do know you’re marrying Sean this Saturday coming, three days’ time.’ Ruby paused. ‘You are going ahead with it, aren’t you? I saw you hiding your ring.’

‘Of course I am but …’ Gracie fiddled with her engagement ring.

‘Gracie, don’t do this. Let’s just go. As soon as we’re back at the hotel it’ll be as if we never met any of them, as if this never happened.’ Ruby grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. ‘I’m telling you, no good can come out of this, let’s make our excuses and leave.’

‘Let’s just stay for an hour or so. That’s all, then we’ll go home and get ready for the wedding. The hotel is empty and there’s not that much to do. I’ll do everything I have to, promise …’ Gracie pleaded. ‘Please? I just need a bit more time. I’m not going to do anything silly, I just want to get to know him a little bit.’

‘You’re playing with fire, Gracie and you’ll regret it if you take it any further, I’m telling you, but it’s your choice. I’m not your mother or Aunt Leonora,’ Ruby said.

‘I think that the real Aunt Leonora will be up there cheering me on, even if it is through pursed lips. She never found the right one, even fleetingly,’ Gracie replied with a smile.

After their few minutes splashing around, Ruby and Gracie walked back up to where Louisa, Edward and Harry were and sat down, just off the picnic rug. Ruby sat next to Louisa and Gracie sat beside her, with Edward at the far end of the semi-circle, in her direct line of vision.

Aware that there were a lot of eyes in the group, Gracie mostly looked at the ground but she didn’t have to look up to know that Edward’s eyes were on her. She could feel them and the pull scared her.

There was no doubt that Louisa was absolutely in charge of the group; she played host with the picnic and also did most of the talking but Gracie didn’t want to join in, her appetite having been replaced by a gnawing combination of nausea and guilt. Her usual common sense had taken flight and she was away in another place … with the man called Edward, whom she had only just met.

Gracie was in a state of confusion. Her forthcoming wedding to Sean had taken up every moment of her day for months and she had been on countdown ever since they had agreed the date. She desperately wanted to be married and have a family of her own, to leave her past behind. But now that it was about to happen, she had been confronted with Edward Woodfield, who on the surface was her dream man. Suddenly Gracie wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore.

‘Who wants an ice cream?’ Edward asked after they’d all finished.

‘I do,’ Louisa put her hand up, ‘but you chaps go and get them while we clear up.’

‘I don’t want to go traipsing round looking for ice cream,’ Harry said grumpily. ‘I seriously need a nap after all that food. There are some empty deckchairs up there; I’m going to get them for us.’

‘You get the chairs and I’ll go and get the ice creams,’ Edward said quickly, ‘but Gracie or Ruby will have to come with me as they know where to go, and I don’t have enough hands for five cornets …’

Ruby rolled her eyes and looked upwards. ‘You go and get the ice creams with him, Gracie. I’ll help clear up …’ she paused for several seconds, ‘but don’t get lost, we’ve got a long shift when we get back’.

Gracie feigned reluctance, but eventually stood up and walked away along the promenade with Edward.

She knew absolutely that she shouldn’t be doing it, that she could be opening a door that should, because of Sean, remain firmly shut but she couldn’t help herself. She felt as if she had suddenly lost all self-control.

Gracie simply wanted to spend some time with Edward Woodfield, the man she had instantly recognised as the right one.

The right one at the wrong time.

SEVEN

‘Well? How do I look?’ Gracie asked nervously, as Ruby stepped back after pulling up the zip on her wedding dress. ‘Is it okay? I feel a bit like the fairy on the Christmas tree. I just don’t look like me, do I?’

As Gracie spoke she twirled round on the spot in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom, making her skirt rise and fall. Her freshly lightened hair was curled and carefully pinned up under her shoulder-length veil making her neck look long and graceful, her minimal make-up was carefully applied, and her stiff new satin shoes were on her feet.

As Gracie stared at herself in the mirror she found it hard to believe that she was the bride and that it was actually her wedding day. She had spent so many years seeing a plain kid in the mirror that it was hard to accept that everything had changed for her.

It was the day she had dreamed of, especially after the trauma of being abandoned by the man who was the father of her illegitimate baby, the baby she had been forced to give up.

Archie Cooper had declared his undying love, charmed her, said he wanted to marry her, bedded her and then disappeared without trace, leaving a fearful and disillusioned Gracie to face the consequences alone, with her dreams in tatters.

But that was all in the past, everything was in the past; she now had Sean Donnelly, a nice young man who loved her and wanted to marry her. Her wedding day had finally arrived.

‘Oh bloody hell, Gracie Grace! You look lovely – all grown up and sophisticated. You look just like a model bride in Woman’s Own or even a movie star! You’re so beautiful.’

‘Beautiful is pushing it, Rubes …’ Gracie laughed.

Ruby clutched her hands to her mouth and looked ready to cry as her friend stopped moving and stood with her arms held out, like a ballerina. The wedding dress was mid-calf length with a fitted silk bodice that was darted and shaped to make the most of Gracie’s figure; it had a full skirt carefully crafted from silk and lace, with a net underskirt to make it stand out and a neckline that was scooped and edged with white satin, as were the fashionable elbow-length sleeves. Her short white lace gloves were the finishing touch to the bride’s ensemble.

All the dresses, Gracie’s and both bridesmaids’ had been home-made by Babs Wheaton, Ruby’s wartime foster mother who was a skilled home dressmaker, as a wedding gift. Gracie was beyond grateful because she could never have afforded something so classy herself.

Ruby’s bridesmaid’s outfit was the same design as Gracie’s but was pale pink satin without the lace or the net underskirts so it hung straight down and fluttered around her calves; Maggie’s was almost the same, but hers was full-length and in a design more suited to a child. Each dress had been carefully made with each person in mind and they all complemented each other.

Gracie turned every which way in front of the mirror as she tried hard to recognise herself. No matter how many years had passed, inside she still felt like the plain child with spots and greasy hair who was never really part of anything, either in school or out. The child who was always called names and excluded from playtime games. Now she was looking at a beautiful young woman who didn’t look in the least bit like the Gracie McCabe she knew.

‘I know I should feel a bit of a hypocrite walking down the aisle in white, what with everything that’s gone on but what could I do? Sean’s family expect it, the virgin bride and all that.’ Gracie frowned as she continued to twist and turn, and study herself from top to toe. ‘I wonder why it’s still the way? My mother is horrified I’m going to wed in church in white but then she’d have died of shame if I turned up in cream. It’s so old-fashioned!’ Gracie pulled a silly face.

‘It’s tradition, I suppose, and the way their generation sees things,’ Ruby said.

‘I suppose. And talking of tradition, where’s my miniature bridesmaid?’ Gracie looked around. ‘Where’s Maggie gone?’

‘She’s already downstairs with Aunty Babs and your dad. She was jumping around like a flea on a flannel with excitement.’ Ruby smiled. ‘She looks so pretty and I’m so proud of her. Sometimes when I see her it’s hard minding my words. Johnnie says the same; she’s our daughter but not a soul except us knows. But she’s having the best upbringing with George and Babs so we just have to be grateful and wait until Maggie is old enough to be told the truth. I hope she understands. We were so young, we had no choice.’

‘You were brave enough to make the right choice, Rubes, you didn’t know Johnnie was going to come back into your life, and Babs and George are fantastic parents to her.’

‘It still hurts, though’, Ruby said. ‘But enough of that, today is about being happy, it’s about you being happy and having a wonderful wedding day’.

She walked over to the open French window and looked out.

‘Well, Gracie Grace, this is it. It’s just you and me up here now. The guests should all be at the church by now and our cars are already outside, all polished and decked out in ribbons and just waiting for us all. Come and look, and it’s such a sunny day …’

As she spoke Ruby went out onto the balcony. Gracie joined her and they both looked down at the cars below.

‘Looks like it’s time to go to the church then, before I get my dress all mucky – you know what I’m like,’ Gracie laughed. ‘A bit of rust from the railings would show up a treat on this dress …’

Ruby didn’t laugh and she didn’t look around, but stayed where she was, looking out towards the horizon.

‘You know it’s not too late to change your mind, really it’s not …’ she said cautiously, without looking at her friend. Her expression was serious for the first time that day. ‘I know you said you don’t want to talk about it again but I have to say this: please, please, please don’t do the wrong thing, just because it’s suddenly the day. You know what they say: marry in haste, repent at leisure. If Sean’s not the one then you’re making a mistake.’

‘Oh of course it’s too bloody late to change my mind, it’s far too late! Can you imagine if I jilted Sean at the altar? I’d have to leave the country straight away! The wedding is planned, and the honeymoon and the flat is ready and waiting, how could I back out of all that?’ Gracie said, shaking her head slowly. ‘And anyway, I don’t want to. This is what I want – a husband, a home, a baby – and I know I’ll get all that with Sean …’

‘It doesn’t have to be with him though, does it? I mean, if it’s someone else you want, if someone else is the right one then is that fair on Sean?’ Ruby persisted.

Gracie shrugged. As far as she was concerned she had made the decision to marry Sean long ago and she was going to stick with it. She had to.

She may have thought Edward Woodfield was the man of her dreams but she was well aware that she didn’t actually know him, not in the way she knew Sean. And even without knowing him, Gracie could see that they were from such different backgrounds and class that even if anything were to happen between them, there was no chance his family would ever agree to them marrying.

It just couldn’t happen and it wouldn’t work, not the way it did with Sean.

‘Oh, Ruby,’ Gracie sighed. ‘I’ve not made the decision in haste, I’ve thought of nothing else. But I’ve known Sean for years, he’s a good man and I’m sure I’m doing the right thing for both of us. We’re the same kind of people: we’re both ordinary and we match. I had a bit of panic the other day, imagining something different but I’m over it now. It was so stupid. I was getting ideas above my station, as my mother would say.’

The two women smiled and waved down to the group of neighbours who were gathering on the pavement outside the hotel, all there to see the bride off. Lots of people that they knew so well, even the small staff from the hotel were out there, waiting.

‘Don’t go putting yourself down, Gracie. No one is better than you and there’s no man too good for you, not even the one whose name you told me not to say!’

Gracie and Ruby moved back from the railings and faced each other.

‘Nice of you to say it, Rubes, but that one was definitely way out of my league. A country house and a London flat and living most of the time in Africa? Can you just imagine me out in Africa? None of that is me, is it? I’m just a local girl who’s been nowhere and done nothing. I couldn’t even keep up with him in a proper conversation.’ She smiled and shook her head. ‘So, let’s go and get on with my wedding day. It’s been long enough coming! Everyone thought I was going to be an old maid.’

‘Oh Gracie, this is just so final. Are you really sure you’re doing the right thing? You can still change your mind …’ Ruby said hesitantly.

‘I’m sure. It was my very own Brief Encounter, like in the film. it was me being daft and getting carried away as usual, but now I’m back where I should be.’ Gracie grinned. ‘You know what a nutcase I can be. Well, this time I’m being sensible: I’m going to marry Sean’.

‘Okay,’ Ruby said with a break in her voice. ‘I suppose if that’s what you really want then it’s time to get down those stairs and off to the church.’

They made their way down to the ground floor, where Gracie’s father was waiting with Babs and George Wheaton and a very excited young Maggie.

‘Can we go now? Pleeease, I want to do what a bridesmaid does …’ the child asked, jumping from foot to foot with excitement. At eight years old, she was tall for her age and confident beyond her years.

‘Yes, we’re going in two minutes. I’m just going to get the flowers and then it’s off to the church,’ Ruby said, looking wistfully at the little girl. ‘You look so beautiful, Maggie. Absolutely beautiful!’

When she came back she handed Gracie her bouquet, gave Maggie her posy and held her own in front of her.

‘Right, Miss Impatient, to the cars …’ she said.

Gracie watched her friend smile at the child, while at the same time blinking to hold back the tears that were building. She knew it wasn’t because of the wedding but because of Maggie, the daughter Ruby could not acknowledge.

The daughter who had been born at the same time as Gracie’s own baby, eight years ago.

With her emotions heightened anyway by the stress of her wedding day, it made Gracie tearful to think of her own baby, the beautiful little boy whom she knew nothing about. But she was determined not to let anything spoil the day so she looked at her father, who was standing slightly away from the group, and forced a smile. ‘Come on, Dad, let’s get to the church. I don’t want to be late.’

Her father smiled and patted her hand. ‘You look beautiful, my little Gracie, I hope you’ll both be as happy as me and your mother, and remember, it’s not all going to be easy, marriage is give and take …’

Gracie wanted to say ‘you give and she takes,’ but she just smiled at him.

The Wheatons and the bridesmaids went ahead to the hotel car which was parked outside, in front of the bridal car. Ruby and Maggie got into the back seat as George Wheaton skilfully moved himself from his wheelchair into the passenger side, leaving his wife to fold the chair and put it in the back, before getting into the driver’s seat.

Everyone waved excitedly as they drove off, leaving just Gracie and her father on the steps, waiting for the right moment. Then, with her arm in his, they walked down to the waiting car where Dr Wheaton’s new driver stood beside the open door, waiting to help them in. As Gracie gathered up her skirt to avoid it creasing or getting caught in the door so a ripple of applause rang out from the people lining the pavement, making her blush. She paused, glanced around and self-consciously waved back.

Then someone caught her eye.

Over the top of their heads she thought for a moment she had seen him standing behind the small group on the nearby corner looking in her direction, but when she looked again, whoever it was had moved.

For a few moments her chest palpitated so much she feared that the fitted bodice on her dress would burst open. Surely he wouldn’t do that? Surely he wouldn’t come here? She asked herself in panic as she looked around again scanning every face, but there was no sign. She wondered fleetingly if Edward Woodfield had come to persuade her to go with him, to jilt Sean at the altar and run away with him to Africa. So many different thoughts flashed through her mind at that moment that she had to shake her head to rid herself of them. She looked all around her once more, just in case, and then climbed into the car to go to the church to marry Sean Donnelly.

Just fifteen minutes later, with the guests all seated and the priest at the altar, Gracie was standing in the cool of the church porch, waiting for the organist to begin playing and give her the cue to start walking. She gripped her father’s arm tight and glanced round at Ruby, who winked reassuringly.