An Unwilling Desire

‘I—er—–’ Holly gave Zack an angry glare, receiving only a mocking smile in return. ‘I was in the library.’

‘What a pity I didn't think to look there,’ drawled Zack. ‘I'd been looking forward to meeting you.’

‘Really?’ she answered coldly.

‘Stop teasing her, Zack,’ Maxine cut in irritably. ‘What on earth can be keeping James?’ she added impatiently. ‘Probably Robert can't decide which tie he's to wear.’

Holly's mouth tightened resentfully at the derision Maxine didn't even try to hide. She didn't know why the other woman came home at all if she was going to act like this. ‘Maybe he would have welcomed your opinion,’ she defended icily.

‘He has only to ask,’ Maxine told her in a bored voice.

That was the trouble, James would never ask his wife for anything, not her time, and certainly not her love. Couldn't Maxine see that? Or did she just not care? If only—–

‘Are your eyes really violet, Holly?’ Zack asked irrelevantly.

She gave him a puzzled frown. ‘So I've been told.’

‘Really, Zack,’ Maxine snapped tautly, ‘the colour of Holly's eyes is of little interest.’

‘Not to me,’ he drawled. ‘I've never met a girl who has violet eyes, I've only ever seen Elizabeth Taylor's in films.’

‘Holly bears little resemblance to Elizabeth Taylor,’ the other woman derided, her movements nervy as she kept glancing expectantly towards the door.

Zack gave Holly a long look of consideration. ‘No, she's more like a red-haired Audrey Hepburn, all eyes.’

‘Brings out the protective instinct in you, does she, darling?’ Maxine's voice had hardened to scorn.

‘A little,’ he nodded. ‘Maybe you should go up and see what's keeping James, Maxine,’ he suggested softly. ‘It's almost eight o'clock.’

Holly was becoming concerned with James's nonappearance herself, although she was more than a little surprised to see Maxine actually leave the room as Zack had told her to do.

‘You can close your mouth now,’ he drawled with amusement once they were alone.

Her mouth closed with a snap. This man gave the impression of making life a game, and yet he missed none of the emotions or movements of those about him.

‘And maybe in future,’ he added, dangerously soft, ‘you should keep your opinions concerning Maxine and James to yourself.’

‘I beg your pardon?’ she gasped.

‘You heard me.’ The lazy humour had completely gone from his face and voice now, revealing a more steely side to his character. ‘They have enough problems already, without a third person adding to them,’ he warned.

‘If anyone is an unwanted third person here it isn't me,’ she snapped. ‘You—–’ she broke off as she heard the descent of the lift from the bedrooms to the ground floor, a necessity with James's wheelchair, and turned away as the other couple entered the room a few seconds later.

James looked tired, more tired and strained than she had ever seen him. Her anger towards the other couple grew. How dared this man Zack tell her not to interfere when he and Maxine were the ones hurting James!

‘Holly, my dear,’ James greeted her with a smile. ‘Maxine tells me you were in the library all the time this afternoon.’

She hated deceiving this man, and yet about this she had little choice. ‘Er—yes, for a while.’

‘But you and Zack have been introduced now?’

‘Well …’

‘There hasn't really been the time or opportunity,’ Zack answered him.

James frowned. ‘Maxine, didn't you—–’

‘Of course not,’ his wife cut in sharply. ‘The two of them were together when I came downstairs, I naturally assumed Zack had introduced himself. He isn't usually so backward in coming forward.’

‘What must you think of our manners, Holly!’ James said irritably. ‘This is my brother Zack. Zack, my secretary, Holly Macey.’

His brother! That was the only part of the introduction that registered with Holly. This man Zack, the man she had been consistently rude to, was James's brother. No wonder she had confused the two of them at first glance, the family resemblance was such as to have easily made that mistake. But how could Zack Benedict have such contempt for his own brother, talk so scathingly about him getting up and walking?

‘Mr Benedict,’ she nodded abrupt acknowledgment of him.

‘Zack,’ he corrected smoothly. ‘Or Zachary, if you prefer. But never Mr Benedict, Holly, Surely you're used to the informality here by now?’

Holly flushed her resentment as he very effectively reminded her that she was the outsider here, but she was restricted from answering him as she would have liked because of the other couple. Zack Benedict had deliberately encouraged her to believe her mistaken assumption of the reason he was here, was even now enjoying her discomfort, a taunting smile to his lips. But was she so wrong about his relationship with Maxine? Just because the two men were brothers that didn't preclude such a relationship between Maxine and Zack, in fact it could increase the possibility, the two men were enough alike to encourage Maxine to transfer her attention to the mobile brother.

She looked up to find Zack Benedict's eyes narrowed on her, as hard as emeralds as he seemed to guess her thoughts. Her head went back in challenge. ‘Zack,’ she repeated softly.

‘Well, now that's settled,’ Maxine put in waspishly, ‘could we go in to dinner? It's hours since Zack and I ate in London.’

‘But it was a delicious meal,’ Zack smiled, grooves etched either side of his mouth. ‘You have such a good cook.’

‘Yes, I do, don't I?’ Maxine purred at the compliment, smiling naturally for the first time that evening. ‘You remember Abigail, James?’

‘Of course I remember her,’ he snapped his bad humour. ‘I hired her!’

His wife flushed. ‘It's been so long since you visited the flat in London that I—–’

‘I may be confined to a wheelchair, Maxine, but I am not senile!’ he cut in harshly. ‘Let's go in to dinner,’ he decided roughly.

‘James—–’

‘Dinner,’ he repeated in an autocratic voice, a voice that brooked no argument from anyone.

Maxine was the one to walk beside the electrically operated wheelchair as they went through to the dining-room, and Holly had perforce to accept the arm Zack Benedict mockingly held out to her. Not that she gave him a second glance, being too taken aback by James's attitude to Maxine. She had never heard him speak to his wife like that before in her presence, and she could only wonder at his uncharacteristic sharpness with her now. Perhaps he too wondered about his wife's relationship with his young brother.

The small round table had been set with four places, one of the chairs being removed as James skilfully manouevred his chair into this vacant spot. Holly and Maxine were to sit either side of him, with Zack opposite, the younger man seeing both woman seated with a gallant flourish.

The meal was nothing like the quiet ones of enjoyment Holly and James had shared together in the evenings the last few weeks, James eating his food in morose silence, Maxine and Zack seeming lost in their own thoughts, Holly just feeling awkward and uncomfortable in the tense atmosphere.

‘How is the writing going, James?’ Zack finally cut through the soft clatter of cutlery.

‘Fine,’ his brother answered curtly.

‘I'm sure working with Holly must be a great inspiration,’ the younger man taunted.

‘Holly is—restful to be with,’ James replied slowly.

‘Really?’ Dark blond brows rose over sceptical green eyes. ‘She doesn't make me feel that way.’

‘Holly makes Zack feel protective,’ Maxine put in derisively.

Hazel eyes sharpened suspiciously. ‘Protective?’

‘Actually,’ Zack answered the other man, ‘she doesn't make me feel that way either. Can you sing, Holly?’

‘Sing?’ she echoed in a startled voice, leaning back as her soup bowl was removed to be replaced with a clean plate for her main course. When she first came to work here she had been slightly unnerved by the abundance of servants in the house, but now she took it in her stride, although she was aware that the household staff considered her to be apart from them, treating her more like a guest than an employee like themselves.

‘Mm,’ Zack was watching her over the rim of the wine glass he held cupped in his hands. ‘With your looks, some sexy clothes, and a good singing voice, you could go far.’

‘At least as far as your bed, darling,’ Maxine drawled mockingly.

‘Maxine!’ James slammed his glass down on the table. ‘Keep that sort of talk for your London friends, neither Holly or I appreciate it.’

His wife's mouth tightened at the rebuke. ‘But we all know Zack's little songbirds occupy his bed at some time or other.’

‘You flatter me, sweet,’ Zack said dryly. ‘I have been known to fail on the odd occasion.’

‘I'm sure that neither Holly nor I are interested in your prowess in bed,’ his brother dismissed.

Mocking green eyes were turned on her. ‘Aren't you?’

A delicate blush darkened her cheeks. ‘I've always believed that if a man has to constantly prove himself in bed with a string of different women there's something wrong with him,’ she told him coldly.

‘Such as?’ He was still amused.

‘Such as he really prefers men, he's very shallow, or he's just afraid to fall in love with one woman,’ she said bluntly, looking only at him as she made the statement.

Maxine gave a laugh of pure enjoyment, her air of bored sophistication leaving her for a moment. ‘Well, Zack?’ she gave a gurgle of laughter, looking years younger, a warm glow to her blue eyes.

‘Hm,’ he grimaced. ‘You can safely discount the first, Holly,’ he said dryly. ‘I enjoy and like women too much for that to be true. The second? No, I don't think I'm shallow either. A little cynical, perhaps,’ he admitted thoughtfully. ‘As for being afraid of love …’ he shook his head, ‘I don't think that's true either. What's your excuse?’

She raised startled eyes at the unexpected suddenness of the question. ‘Excuse for what?’ she frowned.

‘For not being married.’

‘I—–’

‘Holly is only twenty-two,’ James defended tautly. ‘Much too young to be married.’

‘I was engaged to you at that age,’ Maxine reminded him sharply.

‘That was different,’ he snapped.

‘Was it?’ Her voice was hard.

‘I think so,’ he nodded grimly.

‘How?’

‘Maxine—–’

‘How was it different, James?’ she persisted.

His eyes were hard as he looked at her. ‘This is not the time to discuss it.’

‘It never is.’ She stood up with a noisy scrape of her chair. ‘Excuse me,’ her tone was brittle, ‘I'm no longer hungry.’

‘Maxine!’ James’ voice thundered across the room, halting her.

She turned slowly to face her husband, very pale beneath her make-up. ‘Yes?’

‘Sit down,’ he ordered abruptly.

‘Go to hell!’ she snapped.

His mouth tightened ominously. ‘I—said—sit—down!’

Maxine's head went back in challenge. ‘Make me.’

James went deathly pale. ‘Bitch!’ he groaned in a pained voice, and threw his napkin down on the table, manoeuvring his chair over to the door, pushing it open with a crash. The room was starkly silent after his exit.

Maxine suddenly gave a choked cry before she too rushed from the room.

CHAPTER TWO

HOLLY had sat in horrified silence as Maxine challenged James's disability in that cruel way. Although Maxine was often absent from the house she had never heard the other couple be so hurtful to each other before. It wasn't—–

‘Stay where you are.’

She hadn't even been aware of standing up, just as she had forgotten the presence of Zack Benedict in the dining-room with her. She resented being told what to do by him or anyone else when they had no right to do so! ‘I beg your pardon?’ She looked down at him icily.

‘Leave them alone,’ he advised gently. ‘From the look of them this argument has been a very long time coming.’

‘But—–’

‘I said leave them, Holly.’ He smiled to take the edge off his words. ‘After all, there's no reason for us to miss our dinner too. James and Maxine's marital problems will have to be worked out between them. So sit down and we'll eat.’

‘I—–’

‘I could make you,’ he warned softly.

She knew he could too. Most of the time he was lazily relaxed, almost indolent, and yet beneath the superb cut of his dinner jacket and silk shirt she was aware of the powerful shoulders and arms, had more than once been a witness to the steelier side of his nature, a side he took pains to hide most of the time.

She sank slowly back into her chair, beginning to eat her meal in silence. He might have ‘persuaded’ her to sit down with him, but she didn't have to give him the satisfaction of actually talking to him too.

She should have known the irrepressible Zack Benedict wouldn't be put off so easily. ‘You never did say whether or not you can sing,’ he prompted as they stood up to take their coffee through to the lounge.

‘Not a note,’ she answered absently, wondering if James was all right.

‘Have you ever tried?’

‘No, and I don't want to either! What are you, some sort of pimp for showgirls?’ She made her tone as insulting as possible, still very resentful of his autocratic behaviour earlier.

He smiled his amusement, not at all put out by her insult. ‘Actually, I'm a record producer. Disappointed?’ he mocked close to her ear, sitting annoyingly close to her on the sofa.

‘Not at all,’ she told him abruptly, moving away from him so that the length of his thigh no longer touched hers. ‘I'm sure you get just as much opportunity to show off your prowess there.’

He didn't rise to the taunt as she expected him to, but gave her a considering look. ‘Why is it you don't like me, Holly?’

‘Do I have to?’ She deliberately didn't look at him, aware that he had shifted slightly, that he was too close to her once again, and her hands were beginning to shake because of it.

He shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘You don't have to …’

‘You just aren't accustomed to the novelty of a woman actually disliking you,’ she scorned.

‘Maybe later,’ he drawled. ‘But not usually on sight.’

She didn't need to ask what he meant by ‘later'. His hard good looks and lighthearted flirting might not appeal to her, but she could imagine a lot of women would be reluctant to give him up once they had known him. ‘I must just be the exception,’ she dismissed, standing up to put some distance between them.

‘And maybe you aren't.’ Zack stood up too. ‘Let's see, shall we?’ He moved purposefully towards her.

Her eyes widened in panic, and she stepped back to avoid him. ‘No …!’

‘Yes.’ His smile was confident as he continued to advance. ‘Relax, Holly, most woman enjoy it.’

His hands came out to prevent her moving any further, his head bending, and cool demanding lips took possession of hers. Her panic increased by the second, and she felt as if she were sinking, falling, her nails digging into his arms as she tried to cling on to reality.

‘Hey,’ he chided, raising his head slightly, ‘I'm not into masochism!’

‘Please …’

‘Okay, Holly,’ he shrugged, smiling wolfishly. ‘Whatever you like.’ He lowered his head once again.

She protested even as his mouth moved over hers once again, but even to her own ears it sounded weakly unconvincing. She thought she would faint as his mouth moved down to her throat, her breath coming in short gasps, only aware of his mouth and hands; his identity was no longer important to her, just that he should stop what he was doing. She reacted instinctively, bringing her knee up with all the force she could, hearing his groan of agony, as his hands fell away from her body.

It took several minutes for her to be under control enough to open her eyes, the only sounds in the room her own sobbing breaths and Zack's ragged ones. As she looked at him he was bent over double, obviously in a lot of pain, his face pale, a fine sheen of perspiration to his brow.

The full horror of what she had just done suddenly hit her. ‘Are you—all right?’ she choked, concern etched into her pale face.

He still couldn't straighten fully, and his eyes glittered with fury as he glared up at her. ‘If I am it will be no thanks to you,’ he rasped. ‘What the hell were you trying to do?’ he grimaced. ‘Emasculate me for life?’

She watched helplessly as he collapsed down on to the sofa. ‘Can I—get you anything? Do anything?’ she queried.

He looked at her with jaundiced eyes. ‘Haven't you done enough?’

She swallowed hard. ‘I—–’

‘Brandy,’ he changed his mind wth grim impatience. ‘Get me some brandy—please,’ he added dryly.

Holly hurried over to the drinks cabinet to pour him out a tumblerful, handing it to him with a shaking hand, taking care that they didn't touch again, seeing the derision on Zack's face as he noticed her evasion. ‘Are you really all right?’ she asked after his first gulp of the fiery liquid, noticing that he didn't even wince as it passed down his throat and hit his stomach.

He scowled up at her. ‘I think I will be. God, woman, you could have damaged me for life doing something like that!’

She flinched. ‘I—I'm sorry.’

‘Sorry!’ he repeated disgustedly. ‘Believe me, if I thought I was going to be permanently injured I'd make you more than sorry. Who the hell taught you to do that to a man?’ He took another swallow of his brandy. ‘Your brother's idea of a joke or Daddy's sure-fire way of protecting his little girl's innocence? This isn't the Victorian age, you know! And I was only kissing you, damn it.’ He emptied the glass, scowling heavily.

‘I don't have a brother, and my father is dead,’ Holly told him quietly. ‘He has been for years. I was taught self-defence during my last year at school.’

Zack's brows rose. ‘Even the girls?’

‘It was all girls,’ she revealed dully, knowing what he would make of that.

‘Now I begin to understand.’ His mouth twisted derisively.

Holly blushed at the knowing look in his eyes. ‘I'm not some repressed prude who despises men,’ she flashed resentfully. ‘You were kissing me against my will, I was perfectly within my rights to protect myself.’

‘Oh, you did that all right,’ he grimaced. ‘I suppose you have a few other little tricks like that up your sleeve?’

‘A few,’ she nodded.

‘Well, don't try them out on me. God,’ he groaned his pain as he attempted to move, ‘you certainly know how to put a man out of action!’

‘Yes.’

He gave her an irritated look. ‘You don't have to sound so proud of it. One little kiss,’ he muttered to himself. ‘Just one little kiss!’

‘Against my will,’ she reminded him tightly.

‘You only had to say no—–’

‘I did!’

He sighed. ‘Not very convincingly.’

‘How convincing did I have to be?’ Holly choked her disbelief at his arrogance.

‘Okay, okay,’ he dismissed impatiently. ‘So you did say no. But how was I supposed to know it wasn't just a token resistance?’

‘Do your women usually dig their nails into you?’ she scorned.

A devilish glint entered his eyes. ‘Sometimes.’ His smile was mocking.

Her mouth tightened. ‘On such short acquaintance?’

‘Sometimes.’ His brows rose in challenge.

Holly whirled away from him, knowing by his mocking humour that he was starting to feel better.

‘Hey, where are you going?’ he called crossly. ‘I'm not sure I'll ever be able to walk again, and you just walk away! You might at least help me stand up!’ He struggled to get to his feet.

Contrition for his obvious discomfort made her cross the room to his side, letting him lean against her while he gained his balance. ‘I really am sorry,’ she murmured as she saw he was still in a lot of pain.

‘I'll bet,’ he muttered.

‘But I am!’

Zack gave her a sceptical look, straightening with a heavy sigh. ‘Tell me something, Holly,’ he gave her a sideways glance. ‘Would James have got the same reaction if he'd been the one to try and kiss you?’

She blanched at the suggestion. ‘Don't be ridiculous!’

Emerald eyes narrowed on her speculatively. ‘What's so ridiculous about it? Or does the fact that he's in a wheelchair set him apart from other men?’

‘The fact that he's married does that!’

‘But unhappily, you have to agree,’ he taunted.

‘James is my employer—–’

‘And you think you're in love with him,’ Zack stated bluntly.

‘No—–’

‘Oh yes, Holly,’ he derided mockingly. ‘Maybe you see yourself as his confidante, his friend. Or maybe it's just his helplessness that appeals to you; whatever the reason, you imagine yourself in love with my brother.’

‘That isn't true!’ Her voice rose angrily. ‘You're wrong,’ she shook her head. ‘Just because I didn't like you kissing me it doesn't mean I'm in love with another man.’

‘Not just any man—James.’

‘No—–’

‘Yes, Holly,’ he insisted. ‘Believe me, if I can see it then so can other people, maybe even James himself.’

‘No …’ Her denial was a choked plea this time.

‘Yes,’ Zack's voice was gentle. ‘And you'll end up being hurt. James and Maxine may be a little mixed up at the moment, but they really love each other very much. You'll be the one left out in the cold in the end.’

‘You're wrong about me.’ She shook her head, backing away from him and making a desperate grab for the doorhandle, all the time shaking her head in sharp denial. ‘You're only saying these things because of your own affair with Maxine. You—–’

‘My what?’ he burst out grimly. ‘Oh, I know you jumped to that conclusion this afternoon, and because your assumption amused me at the time I let you go on thinking it, but you can't seriously still believe it's true,’ he dismissed scathingly.

She had the door open now, poised to take flight at a second's notice. ‘Why not?’ she challenged defensively.

‘James is my brother!’

‘And you obviously feel nothing but contempt for him,’ she accused heatedly. ‘You've mocked his profession, his inability to walk, why not add injury to insult and take his wife from him?’

He was breathing raggedly in an effort to hold on to his own temper, the steely side of his nature much in evidence now, his eyes glacial, his mouth a thin straight line above his clenched jaw. ‘You can really ask me that in all seriousness?’ he finally ground out.

Her chin went up defiantly. ‘Yes.’

‘Get out of here, Holly,’ he told her in a rigidly controlled voice. ‘While you still can,’ he added, dangerously soft, as she made no effort to move.

Some of her confidence deserted her, and for a brief moment she wondered if she could have been wrong about him and Maxine. Then she remembered their closeness tonight, their intimacy with each other. No, she hadn't been wrong about them. But Zack was wrong about her, she didn't love James; she cared for him, yes, but she didn't love any man.

‘I'm going,’ she told him calmly. ‘But don't think I've believed a word you've said. And if Maxine chooses you she's chosen the lesser man,’ she added insultingly.

‘Maxine made her choice years ago,’ Zack bit out. ‘She chose the right man for her.’ He turned away, his earlier injury forgotten. ‘Go to bed, Holly. I think you've pulled enough skeletons out of the cupboard for one night.’

With one last uncertain glance at the rigidity of his back and shoulders as he stared sightlessly out of the window she did as he suggested, closing the door softly behind her. Zack's last words seemed to indicate that there had indeed once been rivalry between the two brothers and that Maxine had chosen James. Or had she? Zack only said she had chosen the right man for her, that didn't necessarily mean James. Could it possibly be that Zack was so derogatory about his brother's disability because it kept the woman he loved tied to her husband?

She sat down shakily on her bed, remembering what else Zack had said. Could she really be in love with James? She hadn't thought she was. She cared what happened to him, was concerned for him, but was that love? She knew so little about the emotion between a man and a woman, although she knew her mother and father had loved each other very much. She herself had stayed away from emotional involvement with men since—since—God, she could still barely stand to think of his name, let alone the man himself!