A Wife for the Baby Doctor

There was something in his eyes as they met Josh’s that let him know that he understood what was coming; that he’d already resigned himself to the fact that he was going to lose the only child he’d ever have.

For just a moment Josh longed to be able to give them something to hope for, but that wouldn’t just be dishonest, it would also be unkind.

He flicked a glance towards Dani and wondered for an instant if she’d really thought through her career choice carefully enough. Of course there was an enormous amount of satisfaction in the work he did, but there was also so much devastation when there was absolutely nothing they could do for their tiny charges. Dani was a gentle, soft-hearted girl. Would it damage something essential inside her if she specialised in a branch of medicine where she had to deal with this sort of scene time after time?

Suddenly, he realised that the expectant silence had been going on for several beats too long while he’d been distracted with thoughts about his newest colleague. With a quick glance down at the papers in his hand to restore his focus, he deliberately stepped forward to lower himself into the chair opposite the Montgomerys and leant forward.

‘Unfortunately, I haven’t got anything good to report,’ he admitted with an all-too-familiar ache in his heart. ‘The latest test results aren’t any better than before. In fact, they’re worse,’ he continued bluntly when Letty would have interrupted. ‘Much worse because, in spite of everything we’ve been pumping into his system, the infection’s gained so much ground that his lung function is almost zero and without oxygen getting into his system…’

‘But he’s got the mask on and that’s connected to the oxygen…’ James Montgomery might think he was holding together well, but he was just as close to the edge as his wife.

‘That’s true, but normally the oxygen is taken up in the lungs to be transferred into the blood and circulated around the body. In Max’s case, even on the highest flow rate, the infection is preventing enough oxygen being taken up. That is pretty bad in itself, but these latest tests show us that the infection has broken through from the lungs into the blood, and has now spread throughout his body. Unfortunately, even when it was confined to his lungs we couldn’t find anything to get rid of it, so we’re very much afraid that it won’t be long before all his organs start to shut down.’

Damn, he cursed silently. He’d had all too much practice at coping with crying patients and their families, but even over the sound of their distress he’d heard Dani gulp as she fought for some semblance of professional control, but to see the glitter of tears in her eyes was enough to choke him.

‘H-how long before…before…?’ James stumbled over the sound of his wife’s heartrending sobs.

‘It’s impossible to say, but…’ Josh shook his head. He’d seen some babies struggle on for days, their lives ebbing slowly away, while others went rapidly downhill, seemingly in minutes. ‘Probably within hours,’ he suggested gently.

‘J—Mr Weatherby,’ Dani corrected herself quickly. ‘Would it be all right if Letty and James hold Max while he’s…?’

‘Of course it would,’ he agreed hastily, silently kicking himself for being so distracted that he hadn’t suggested it. ‘We can detach a lot of tubes and wires so you can cuddle him properly.’

‘And you can talk to him and tell him how much you love him,’ Dani continued as she gently shepherded the two of them out of the room, the glance she threw his way over her shoulder just before she left his room so full of empathy with the couple’s plight that it was almost enough to break his heart.

Four hours later, Max’s fight for life was over.

In spite of his own workload, Josh had been aware that Dani had hovered just outside the isolation room for most of that time, doing whatever she could to make the grim inevitability of the baby’s impending death at least a little more bearable. Tiny hand-and foot-prints had been made of the almost transparent limbs and precious photographs had been taken, for the first time without the ubiquitous evidence of all the technical efforts that had been keeping him alive.

The hospital chaplain had appeared with remarkable speed when the possibility of a christening had been mentioned, and an unbelievably tiny christening gown had appeared, apparently from thin air.

In the end, there had just been two broken-hearted people sitting side by side with an arm around each other and their son cradled between them as his tiny heart finally gave up the unequal struggle. Two people inside the room, Josh noted, but Dani was still keeping vigil outside, with her cheeks every bit as wet as theirs.

And why had he stood just out of sight in his own doorway, stupidly wanting nothing so much as to wrap her in his arms and promise her that she’d never have to cry again?

Stupid, that was the right word to describe him. As if she’d ever accept that sort of comfort from him. After a lifetime of battling against the odds, she’d be more likely to cut him off at the knees. It was useless remembering that one lapse in judgement the night of her birthday and wishing he’d handled the situation differently. It had probably been a minor aberration fuelled by a glass or two of alcohol and she’d doubtless forgotten all about it in the years since. A girl…woman…who looked like Dani, and with her bubbly personality and obvious intelligence, wouldn’t have been short of offers in the intervening years.

And the fact that he wanted to throttle any man who’d ever dared to lay a finger on her was his own stupidity.

Of course, he could always try to fool himself that it was a brother’s typically over-developed need to protect his little sister, but that wouldn’t account for the other feelings that swamped him every time he caught sight of her.

Enough! He cut off his spiralling thoughts fiercely, wondering how on earth he was going to survive the next six months. Now that she’d actually started on his team, it would be impossible to transfer her out of his sight without making some very embarrassing explanations, and…well, apart from seriously blighting her career, it would totally destroy his credibility as the leader of this team, to say nothing of injuring his standing within the medical community.

If it had been nothing more than the obvious age difference between the two of them, that would be bad enough as far as the gossips were concerned, but it wouldn’t be something that would cause him any major problems with his colleagues. No, it was the fact that she was a junior member of his team that could potentially leave him open to accusations of sexual harassment, and while the powers that be were fully aware of the connection between the two of them, if the scandalmongers were to find out that Dani was his sister…

‘You look dreadful,’ he said sharply when her blotchy tear-stained face finally appeared in the doorway to his office. He was becoming more afraid by the hour that this specialty would be too much for her, and his harsh tone was the only way he could cover up the sudden ache around his heart. She’d only been on his team for a matter of days but the busy unit would seem almost empty without the possibility of finding her sunny presence around every corner.

She gasped at his words as if he’d physically struck her, then a familiar mulish expression crossed her face, followed by, ‘Well, excuse me for momentarily giving way to my emotions, Mr Weatherby. Not all of us have had the operation to remove them.’ And the door closed behind her with a pointed, well-controlled click that spoke more than a slam ever would.

‘That went well.’ He sighed harshly and rubbed both hands over his face. ‘The next six months are going to be an absolute nightmare.’ Especially if he was going to have to watch every word around her. ‘So, what’s different about that?’ he grumbled. ‘You’ve been having to watch yourself around her ever since…ever since that kiss she gave you on her eighteenth birthday.’ And that was an image he didn’t need to have inside his head the next time he saw her.

Thank goodness they would only be interacting in a professional capacity over the next few months. With his mother finally taking the long-delayed trip to meet her new Kasarian relatives, he wouldn’t be forced to hide his feelings in a social or family context.

CHAPTER THREE

DANI watched Josh bend over the delicate little wrist, one lean-fingered hand positioning it just right while the other directed the fine surgical steel of the needle into the threadlike vein at the first attempt.

‘I’m sorry, sweetheart,’ he murmured when his little patient wailed fitfully. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry.’

Dani couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread inside her chest because she knew that he meant it. He really didn’t like making his little charges cry, even when the things he was doing to them were for their benefit.

‘At least she can cry now,’ she pointed out. ‘When she had that tube down her throat she couldn’t even let you know she wanted to complain that you were making a pincushion of her.’

‘It’s a strange sort of progress when you track it by the baby’s ability to cry,’ he said darkly, but she could tell from the golden gleam in his eyes that he was happy with little Leonie’s latest milestone.

Happy enough to accept an invitation to go for a drink this evening? she wondered, but didn’t fancy her chances. She’d actually thought that working with him might go some way towards helping him to see that she was a grown woman…an attractive adult who was ready, willing and able to have a relationship with him. As if that was going to happen when he spent most of the time at the other end of the department, or at least the other side of whatever room she happened to be working in.

Well, as long as he wasn’t staying out of her way because she wasn’t good enough to be on his team… No. If that were the case, he certainly wouldn’t be taking himself off to the other end of the unit. He would be finding the fastest way to shift her into another specialty altogether. So, it must just be that she’d seriously calculated wrongly if she’d thought he was going to change his mind about her, and the important thing to do now was damage limitation. She was going to have to find some way of sitting him down to talk, and then she was going to have to find the right words to let him know that all she wanted from him was to pass on his medical expertise…

Ha! And what a lie that would be. For the last nine years every man she’d met had been measured against Josh and been found wanting, so it was highly unlikely that making a decision to become…what?…friendly colleagues would work?

It would only work if he could somehow metamorphose into someone who didn’t set her pulse racing with nothing more than the sound of his voice.

‘But I have to work with him for the next six months, so I’ve got to get it under control,’ she muttered through gritted teeth, even as her hackles rose at the sight of Josh smiling at one of the nurses. And that was just plain stupid. She had no right to feel jealous when it was nothing more than one of the hundreds of smiles he showered around in the course of a day…wasn’t it?

Of course it was. And to prove that it didn’t mean a thing to her, she was finally going to speak to the man and get their new relationship on an even footing, once and for all.

‘Josh…ah, Mr Weatherby…’ she corrected herself as she approached the two of them, wishing that her own legs were as long as the leggy beauty who was laughing prettily at something Josh had said. ‘Excuse me, but would it be possible to have a word with you?’ she asked, feeling almost like a child speaking to two grown-ups as they towered over her. It was bad enough that the top of her head barely reached Josh’s heart, but to have the other woman looking down her nose at her as well.…

‘Thanks for this, Gillian.’ He held up some sort of binder. ‘I’ll let you have it back as soon as I can.’

‘Let me know when you’re bringing it over and I’ll cook you a meal…it’s the least I can do to show you how grateful I am,’ the stunning redhead purred before she undulated her way out of the unit on legs that seemed to reach all the way up to her armpits.

‘You wanted to speak to me?’ Josh said, and she couldn’t help noticing that the easy smile that had hinted at the dimples he’d always despised as a teenager had completely disappeared now that he was talking to her.

Dani glanced around and cringed at the number of members of staff within earshot of the two of them. This was hardly the venue she’d hoped for when she’d decided this conversation was necessary, but as the likelihood of Josh agreeing to meet her for a drink at the end of the shift was slim to non-existent, it would have to do.

She drew in a bracing snatch of air and began in a rush. ‘I wanted to apologise. I realise it was completely unprofessional but I can’t absolutely guarantee that it won’t happen again because even though they warned us right through our training that we shouldn’t get too emotionally involved with our patients, I just couldn’t help it… He was such a tiny little thing and his parents were just so…’

Josh held both hands up, palms towards her, and shook his head.

‘Dani, breathe,’ he said, and her heart lifted when she heard the hint of humour in his tone. ‘Come into my office, because I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about.’

He led the way, his long-legged stride forcing her to trot to keep up as he detoured through his secretary’s cramped space rather than accessing the room from the door in the corridor.

‘Drat! I’d forgotten that Caitlin wouldn’t be here,’ he muttered as he dropped the glossy folder he was carrying on her desk and reached for a block of bright yellow sticky notes. For a moment there was silence while she watched his familiar slashing handwriting filling the available space, then he peeled the note off the block and stuck it on the folder. ‘Drugs reps,’ he growled in the same tone of voice he would use to speak about an outbreak of MRSA, and scowled darkly before leading the way into his own room. ‘It doesn’t matter how many times they’re told to make an appointment, they still try to waylay me to persuade me that their latest wonder drug will solve all my problems.’

‘Perhaps it will,’ she suggested sweetly in a replay of several such conversations over the years, then had to fight the urge to grin when he turned the scowl on her.

‘It might,’ he admitted, ‘but I’m not willing to let my fragile patients be used as guinea pigs in an unproven drugs trial just because they send a scantily clad female to offer me an all-expenses-paid holiday.’

‘Very high-minded of you,’ she agreed, and saw those golden eyes narrow ominously in her direction.

‘Wretched girl!’ he complained as he dropped wearily into the chair he’d occupied when he’d broken the bad news to Max’s parents, and waved her to take one, too. ‘You always did know how to wind me up. So, tell me what all that was out in the corridor just now.’

‘You mean, when Miss Scanty-pants was trying to climb all over you?’ she asked with an attempt at innocence, enjoying the rare episode of light-hearted teasing between them too much to want to spoil it, even to get the necessary apology off her chest.

He scowled at her but didn’t comment, opting instead to wait for her to come to the point.

‘I just wanted to apologise,’ she said simply. ‘I realise it wasn’t very professional for me to be standing around in a corridor, dripping, and I promise that it won’t happen—’

‘I would be most concerned if it didn’t happen again,’ he interrupted sharply. ‘If you aren’t the type of person who can empathise with what these families are going through, then you’re not the right person to be working in my unit.’

‘But…’ she tried to interrupt, confused by his apparent about-face.

‘That doesn’t mean to say that you should allow your emotions to get in the way of doing your job,’ he continued, totally ignoring her attempt at interruption, ‘and doing it to the very best of your ability. But shedding tears is almost an occupational hazard when you’re working here.’

Now she really was confused.

‘Well, if you see crying as par for the course, why did you snap at me earlier if it wasn’t for crying after baby Max died?’

He sighed heavily and ran his fingers distractedly through his hair, disturbing the professional-looking neatness and revealing the fact that it was definitely more than a week beyond its usual neatly barbered length. Any longer and it would start looking like a lion’s mane with those natural pale streaks in the dark blond thickness of it.

‘I’m sorry about that, but…’ He paused and shook his head, a frown of concern etched on his forehead. ‘If I snapped at you it’s because I’m not certain whether this is the right specialty for you. You’re so soft-hearted that you’ll probably end up breaking your heart over every one of the patients and—’

‘And you’re so hard-bitten that you don’t? Ha!’ she challenged with a disbelieving laugh. ‘Josh, I’ve known you too long to believe that eye-wash. Don’t forget, I saw you every spring when you tried to rescue the baby birds that fell out of their nests, and when you saw that cat hit by the car that day when you came to meet me from school. I walked all the way to the vet’s with you when you carried it there to see if they could fix its leg.’ Apparently, the poor creature had been so badly injured that there had been nothing the vet could do but put it out of its misery, but she could still remember the expression on Josh’s face and had known that he’d taken the animal’s death as a personal failure.

‘That was a long time ago,’ he said dismissively, but she couldn’t help seeing the hint of colour that washed up over his lean cheeks.

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