Love Comes Home and A Sheltering Love: Love Comes Home / A Sheltering Love

“Josh.” Mrs. G.’s intent was clear. He hesitated before he slowly lifted his own hand and placed it over Rachel’s. He kept his gaze trained on Mrs. G. and ignored the cool hand beneath his palm.

“I need a promise from…you both.”

He glanced at Rachel. Her gaze met his. The wariness in her eyes reflected his own. Whatever Mrs.G. wanted, they would do everything in their power to make it happen.

As if she’d heard his thoughts, Rachel nodded imperceptibly and turned to Mrs. G. “Yes, of course, we’ll promise you anything.”

“Of course.” Josh murmured his agreement.

His brows drew slightly together as he met the older woman’s gaze. A mischievous glint twinkled in Mrs.G.’s eyes. Josh dismissed it as a trick of the light. Then she said, “Promise me that you two will take care of each other when I’m gone.”

Josh stilled. Mischief nothing, the woman was bent on matchmaking! And he’d just given his word he’d do anything for her.

He hoped that wasn’t a mistake he’d come to regret.

Chapter Four

Dismay sat heavy on Josh’s chest, but he saw the fledgling hope in Mrs. G.’s expression and determination set in. He would do anything it took to fulfill her dying wish.

Hers would be one grave he wouldn’t stand over with regret.

His gaze slid to Rachel. A slow red stain spread over her cheeks. She shook herself, glanced at him with wide, panicked eyes and then began to sputter, “Mom G. I…can’t—You can’t possibly expect…”

Josh tightened his fingers around Rachel’s.

She ignored him. “We can’t make a promise like that.”

Josh applied more pressure. “Rachel, we can do this,” he said with deliberate slowness.

Her head snapped toward him, her expression thunderous. “What?”

He was not going to argue with her in front of Mrs. G. It was bad enough that she was balking. He refused to subject Mrs. G. to the tempest that was about to explode. Because, like it or not, he was going to make sure she agreed. He couldn’t let her live with the kind of regret that plagued him. He lifted Rachel’s hand away from Mrs. G.’s. “We need to discuss this outside.”

Rachel stared at him mutinously. “There’s nothing to discuss. It can’t be done. I live thousands of miles away, Josh.”

He smiled tightly at Mrs. G. “We’ll be right back.” He tugged on Rachel’s hand. She pulled against him but finally stood and jerked her hand from his grasp.

“Fine,” she snapped, her expression softening as she looked at Mrs. G. “You’ll be okay?”

Mrs. G. blinked. “Of course.”

Rachel strode out of the room. Josh watched her go. She’d become quite a formidable woman. He normally chose to defuse confrontational situations long before they came to a head. That skill made him a good manager of the forestry team he was responsible for. But he found a part of himself looking forward to seeing the sparks fly, to being a part of the controlled energy that was Rachel.

Filled with anticipation, he winked at Mrs. G. before following in Rachel’s wake, confident he could manage her.

Rachel’s head was going to explode. Anger raged, pounding at her temples. She couldn’t make such a promise. She wouldn’t lie to Mom G. How dare Josh even consider promising something he had no intention of fulfilling?

She rubbed at her temples, trying for a calm that was proving elusive. She could control her emotions. She was a doctor, a professional, standing in a hospital corridor, after all. She wouldn’t cause a scene.

But the second Josh stepped into the hall radiating confidence, she whirled on him, her vow to remain calm pushed aside. “What was that all about? What are you trying to do?”

Rachel paced away from Josh in an effort to cool her temper.

Unruffled, he stated, “Trying to make Mrs. G. happy.”

She screeched to a halt. “By lying to her? You think that’s going to make her happy? Is your conscience out to lunch?”

Josh held up a hand. “Whoa, you need to calm down.”

“Calm down?” She didn’t appreciate him pointing out the obvious. Unfortunately her reserve of cool and collected was suddenly lacking. And it was Josh’s fault. Something about the man he’d become caused her to lose her self-restraint. She didn’t like being this out of sorts. It was too much; she felt too vulnerable.

She needed calm. She needed to breathe. In slow, out slow, find the calm. “We can’t make that promise.”

The dark green of his button-down shirt magnified the intent look in his eyes. “We said we’d do anything for her.”

“But…not this. Are you out of your mind?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to live regretting that I didn’t do everything I could to make Mrs. G. happy.”

His words struck her with sharp bites of guilt. “I want to make her happy, too, but I can’t do this.”

His expression hardened. “How difficult would it be for you to set your feelings aside for a moment and do something for her?”

She drew back, stung. “I’m not being selfish, Josh. I’m being realistic.”

His look said he didn’t believe her.

“Think for a second, Josh.” Her hand gesturing wildly. “Your life’s here. My life’s in Chicago. And I’m leaving as soon as Mom—”

She froze. She widened her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand as she realized what she’d almost said. A tremor assaulted her body. The reality of the situation hit her full force. No matter how good the medical care, Mom G. was going to die. Sooner rather than later.

Just like her mother had.

No! This was different. Her mother hadn’t received the best care possible. Mistakes had been made, inadequate procedures followed. None of that was happening with Mom G. It was God’s decision. He was in control.

She squeezed her eyes tight and fought the tears building, clogging her throat. She didn’t want Josh to see her like this. She hated this feeling of utter helplessness.

God, I need you. I can’t face this on my own.

She heard Josh let out an exasperated groan. Then his arms came around her, pulling her to his chest. She stiffened in shock. The odd combination of his woodsy-and-spice scent filled her head, evoking images of Christmastime. She longed to melt into his big broad chest and partake of the comfort being offered.

She didn’t want his comfort. It hurt too much because it came from pity, not affection, but she couldn’t deny the warmth soaking her through, making her conscious of every point of contact between them, every bunching muscle, every beat of his heart.

She swallowed her tears and broke away from him before she gave in to the attraction building between them.

Bereft of his warmth, she wrapped her arms around her middle. Focus, Rachel, focus. “What had Mom G. asked us to promise? To take care of each other. It wasn’t like she was asking us to get married.”

“Right.” Josh’s voice drew her attention.

She hadn’t realized she’d spoken her thoughts out loud. “But how?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure out a way.”

She stared down the hall. Maybe Josh had a point. It could be done. Through telephone calls, Christmas cards, e-mail. They could take care of each other long-distance. In ways that wouldn’t wreak havoc on her life. Or his.

She straightened to her full height, still only barely reaching his shoulders. “You’re right. We’ll find a way. We can do this.”

He smiled approvingly. “Yes, we can.”

She resented how good his approval felt.

As Rachel swept by him and back into Mrs. G.’s room, Josh took a moment to recover from the shock of seeing Rachel almost shatter. It tore him up inside to know she hadn’t completely accepted the eventuality of Mrs. G.’s death. Rachel was trying so hard to be strong. Behind her controlled exterior was a woman struggling against death and grief. He understood why Mrs. G. wanted his promise. When Mrs. G. died, Rachel was going to need an anchor to hold on to because the arctic storm brewing within her would be overwhelming. Whether he liked it or not, he would be there for Rachel because he’d promised.

Mom G. stared up at Rachel with anxious eyes. Taking her hand, Rachel sought to reassure her. “We promise to take care of each other.” Rachel glanced at Josh next to her. His smile was pensive.

“Thank heaven.” Mom G. relaxed into the pillow for a moment and then looked at them with worried eyes. “I need one more thing from you both.”

Rachel braced herself. What more could she want from them? What more anguish would she have to suffer in Josh’s presence?

Josh chuckled softly. “Whatever you need, Mrs. G.”

“Rachel, you need to eat. You’re too thin. Josh take her to get something to eat.”

The motherly words touched Rachel deeply. “I’m okay, really.”

“Please, Josh, make her go,” Mom G. implored.

Rachel had had enough of Josh, thank you very much. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I don’t want you to get sick, honey.”

A flutter of panic hit Rachel. What if she left and Mom G. died before she returned? Rachel knew she couldn’t live with that. “Josh can bring something here.”

“I want to sleep, Rachel. I’ll rest better knowing you’re letting Josh take care of you. As you promised.”

Josh reached out and took her hand. She swallowed back the shiver of comfort in his heated touch. “Rachel, you need a break. We’ll be back in a hour.”

“Anything could happen in an hour,” she whispered and pulled her hand free. Tears once again burned at the edges of her eyes.

“Do you trust God?”

She gazed into his warm hazel eyes. “Of course.” Her answer was automatic. There was no question in her mind she trusted God. He’d seen her through so much and had given her the direction for her life.

Josh placed his hand on her shoulder; heat spread out from the point of contact. “Then let’s entrust her to His care and ask for Him not to take her until you’ve returned.”

This was a test of her faith and she hated the sudden hesitation gripping her soul. She wanted to know where Josh stood. Had his faith survived the death of his wife? “Is your faith that strong?”

Something akin to anguish flittered across his face, but then it was gone, replaced by determination. “Right now it is.”

She had her answer. His relationship with Christ had suffered. She understood. To lose the one you loved so suddenly, without having a chance to say goodbye, would be enough to rock the most solid of foundations.

Mom G. squeezed her fingers. The weight of Josh’s hand on her shoulder imprinted her skin. Her gaze darted between the two. Did she have enough faith? A still, quiet moment slipped by and Rachel was filled with a comforting peace. She nodded. Please, God, let there be time for me to say goodbye.

Rachel listened to Josh’s words of prayer, felt them reverberate within her heart, filling her with comfort she gladly accepted. She’d always loved the sound of his resonant voice, could listen to him talk for hours. Time had only deepened the timbre, matured it in a way that was very appealing. And his words of faith were a balm to her weary soul.

“Thank you, Josh,” Rachel murmured.

“Shall we?” He gestured toward the door.

Rachel kissed Mom G. goodbye, noting how drawn and exhausted she looked. Mom G. had expended a great deal of energy in securing the promise she wanted. It made Rachel more determined to comply.

Josh led the way out of the room. Rachel walked to the nurses’ station, where she gave them her beeper number and elicited a promise from Jamie to make sure Mom G. received some tea before her next chemo session, which she was scheduled for within the hour.

“Everything okay?” Josh asked as they boarded the elevator.

“Yes.” She followed him to the cafeteria.

Josh held open the door for her to pass through. The rattle of dishes and the rumble of voices greeted them. In one corner, a young mother spoon-fed a fussy toddler, while doctors and nurses, their white coats or green scrubs distinguishable, relaxed at several tables.

With metal trays in hand, Rachel and Josh went through the food line.

Even though it was only midmorning, Rachel chose a salad. She didn’t want the heaviness of breakfast fare. Josh picked a hamburger and fries. “That food’s going to sit in your stomach like a rock,” she commented.

He grinned. “I’m a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy.”

“Apparently.”

At the cashier, Josh insisted on paying. Though she was used to taking care of herself, Rachel didn’t argue. She needed to think about something else. Anything. She searched her mind for a topic of conversation, but unfortunately with Josh, all they had was the past.

“Whatever happened to your ‘65 Chevy?” she asked as they took their seats at a table near the floor-to-ceiling window. The warm sun fell on her back and she shrugged out of her jacket.

“I still have her.” Josh sat opposite her.

“She runs? You were always tinkering with the engine, replacing one thing or another.”

The corner of Josh’s mouth twitched. “Sort of.”

“Do you ever drive her out to the lake?” Now why’d she go and ask that? Cherry Lake had been a special place for them. A place to go when the world was too hectic and intrusive. It occurred to her that there at the lake, alone with Josh, she’d never experienced that trapped, restless sensation. She mentally shrugged the notion off, attributing the lack of restlessness to being a teenager in love.

Any semblance of a smile vanished from his face. “No,” came the terse answer.

Silence, dense and thick, filled the air between them.

Pushing her Cobb salad around with her fork, she searched for a neutral topic. “Does your dad still work for the forestry service?”

“He’s semiretired.” He picked up his hamburger and took a bite.

“That’s nice for him.”

“Uh-huh.”

Frustrated that he wasn’t being cooperative with small talk, she watched him drown his French fries in ketchup. The red gooey mess didn’t look healthy.

She ate slowly, her body recognizing the need for sustenance, but her mind rebelled, urging her back to Mom G. After a long moment of silence she tried again. “And you, Josh? What do you do?”

“I’m a ranger.”

“You are?” Surprise echoed in her voice.

He glanced at her sharply. “I wouldn’t lie.”

“I didn’t mean to suggest you would.” She softened her voice. “You used to talk about going into the forestry service. I didn’t think…” She trailed off, not wanting to offend him.

“You didn’t think I would.” He sounded amused.

“No, truth be told, I figured when you married Andrea you’d settle into a nine-to-five job and have a picture-perfect life.” She’d imagined him living the fantasy. The fantasy they’d dreamed together those days long ago. An old Victorian house, the dog, the picket fence. Those were the things they’d wanted.

Only, as a doctor she didn’t fit into his cookie-cutter world and she couldn’t do what needed to be done from this hospital. The place where her mother had died.

Rachel noticed the ticking muscle along Josh’s strong jaw. “I’m sorry. If you’d rather not talk about Andrea, I understand.”

“Do you?”

The intensity in his voice made her wince. He was still grieving for his wife but she didn’t know what to say or do to help him. The usual words of condolence she’d deliver to a family member of a patient didn’t seem appropriate here. This was Josh.

“Dr. Maguire, Josh.” Dr. Kessler approached the table.

“Doctor,” Josh said.

Rachel rose, gripping the edge of the table, panic pounding in her veins. “Mom G.?”

Dr. Kessler held up a reassuring hand. “I’m on my way to see her. Just stopped in to grab a coffee.”

She released her white-knuckled grip and sat down again. Josh reached across and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Comforted by his gesture, she gave him a grateful smile before slipping her hand away. His touch was too warm, too welcome. She couldn’t allow herself the luxury of wanting his touch because wanting something she couldn’t have was not her style.

“Dr. Maguire, our E.R. attending was very excited to learn you were here. I hope you’ll take a moment and stop by the E.R. to introduce yourself.”

Fat chance. She wasn’t going anywhere near that E.R. Too many of her nightmares involved that place. Careful to keep her thoughts from showing, she smiled. “If I have time.”

Behind his wire-rimmed glasses, Dr. Kessler’s eyes showed disappointment. “I’ll check on Olivia now.”

Rachel watched the doctor leave. “What do you think of him?”

“He’s a good doctor.”

Josh’s tone rang with certainty and she accepted his pronouncement.

She finished the last of her salad, then picked up her tray and stood. “I’m going back upstairs now.”

Josh rose, taking her tray from her. “I’ve got it.” He took their trays and deposited them in the dirty dish bin before coming back to stand beside her. “We could go down to the emergency room. We haven’t been gone very long.”

Slipping her jacket back over her silk, short-sleeve top, Rachel shook her head. “I’m not here to work.”

He arched a brow. “Too small-town for you?”

“No. I wouldn’t be able to stay focused.”

“Right. Focused.”

The beeper attached to Rachel’s waistband sent a shrill alarm ringing through the cafeteria. Her heart slammed against her chest. Mom G. Rachel couldn’t make her feet move; panic gripped her, clogging her throat. Josh moved to her side, his big, warm hand cradling her elbow. “Josh, Mom G….”

“Let’s go.” The urgency in his tone clutched at her throat. She gratefully leaned on him as he propelled her out of the cafeteria and through the hospital.

Rachel and Josh stepped off the elevator and onto the fifth floor and sprinted down the corridor to Mom G.’s room. They skidded to a halt as a nurse emerged out the door.

“Is she…?” Rachel couldn’t say the words.

The nurse smiled at her kindly. “She’s waiting for you.”

“Oh, thank you, God,” Rachel breathed out. She swept past the nurse and into the room, aware that Josh followed closely behind.

Dr. Kessler stood at the foot of the bed, writing on the chart. He turned as Rachel approached. There was relief in his sympathetic eyes. “Her vitals are erratic. She’s slipping away fast. It’ll be only a matter of hours.”

A heaviness settled on Rachel as she moved to the side of the bed and took Mom G.’s hand.

Mom G. stirred and opened her eyes. Her gaze focused on Rachel. “I love you.”

Rachel swallowed the huge, burning lump in her throat and tried to smile, but could only manage a slight lifting of the corners of her mouth. Agony and grief gnarled in her heart. “I love you.”

“You’re my daughter. And I thank God every day that He brought you into my life.” Her voice was weak, strained with the effort to talk.

Rachel let the tears slipping down her cheeks fall into her lap. She couldn’t fight the pain of losing the only person who really cared about her.

“Rachel, happiness lies beyond what you think’s possible. It’s there waiting for you. You only have to have faith.”

“I don’t want you to leave me,” Rachel whispered, shuddering with the intensity of her grief.

Mom G.’s grip tightened ever so slightly. “It’s time for me to go be with my Savior. I’ve had a good life.” She shifted her gaze away from Rachel. “Josh, you’ll keep your promise?”

Josh’s deep voice filled the room. “Yes, I promise.”

Mom G. nodded and then seemed to shrink within herself.

Rachel pressed Mom G.’s hand to her cheek. Wanting to hang on, to somehow, with the force of her love, keep her from slipping away.

“I’ll wait for you in heaven.” Mom G. breathed the words with a smile and then her eyes closed.

Rachel refused to budge from Mom G.’s side. The hospital staff went about their business and Josh pulled up a chair beside her. Even though he didn’t touch her, she felt his presence like a soft covering. Two hours ticked by in agonizing slowness as Mom. G’s breathing slowed to small hiccups of air.

Mom G.’s heartbeat fell, then stopped. Machines sounded a strident warning. Rachel instinctively reacted by rising, ready to begin resuscitation. She looked wildly at the others filing into the room. Everyone stood quietly by as Mom G.’s life ebbed away. “Why aren’t you doing something?” she sobbed. “Let’s bring her back!”

Dr. Kessler stepped forward and lay a gentle but firm hand on her arm. “She has a standing DNR. She was in great pain. She wanted to go.”

Rachel looked down at her mother. Peaceful was the only word she could use to describe her. She was at peace with God.

Slowly Rachel sat back in the chair. A cold numbness seeped into her heart, spreading throughout her body. The two most important people in the world—her mother and Mom G.—had left her behind.

The weight of Josh’s hand on her shoulder brought a fraction of solace to her restless thoughts. But that was an illusion, she reminded herself. A momentary respite from the grief welling up inside.

As soon as possible, she would return to her life and Josh would stay here.

Now she was truly alone on this earth.

Rachel sat near the window and surveyed the crowded church reception room. Among the various flower arrangements and tables filled with food, there were so many people. So many lives touched by Mom G. Some of the faces she recognized, others were new to her. Everyone had expressed his or her grief over Mom G.’s passing and then wandered off to talk among themselves.

Her gaze dropped to the taupe carpet and the polite smile she’d worn all day faltered. She was out of place among these people. Without Mom G. she didn’t belong.

A slight film of dust covered her black pumps. Though she’d numbly stood by the grave with eyes blurry from tears, the graveside service had been beautiful. Pastor Larkin had delivered a lovely eulogy and Josh had spoken, giving a sentimental testament to Mom G.’s memory.

He’d grown so close to Mom G. while Rachel had been so far away. She was glad the funeral was over. After the reception, she would meet with the lawyer, Mr. Finley, to discuss Mom G.’s estate and then she wouldn’t have any reason to stay. She’d be free to return to the life she’d carved out for herself, the life God wanted for her. Strangely there was no peace in that thought.

Constrained laughter caught her attention and she looked up. Across the room Josh held a captivated audience as he talked.

She sighed. He looked handsome in his dark navy suit and tie, looking more like he belonged in a boardroom than out fighting fires. He stood tall and carried himself with a confidence that she envied. He was a part of these people. He belonged here. She didn’t.

A young boy moved to stand beside Josh. Shock momentarily wiped away the numb ambivalence that had taken ahold of her the moment Mom G. died. Rachel’s heart pounded as she looked from the boy to Josh and back to the boy.

Even as Josh put his arm around the child and hugged him, Rachel realized that this boy with his light-colored hair and expressive eyes could only be Josh’s son. The “they” Mom G. had been talking about.

The child could have been her son.

She blinked and turned to stare out the window at the little town of Sonora. The quaint, turn-of-the-century homes, the cute little café that hadn’t been there when she’d lived in the town and the gas station where Josh had worked during high school turned blurry through fresh tears.

Josh had a son. Why hadn’t Josh mentioned him?

Why did she care?

She realized she didn’t know that much about Josh and his life. She didn’t want to know, she told herself. She couldn’t change the past, could only accept it.

There was so much to accept.

The quicker she left Sonora and the memories behind, the easier the past would be to accept—and forget.

Chapter Five

Josh hugged his son close. He was grateful his father had had the foresight to take Griff to the hospital before school the day before Mrs. G. died. He hated to think of the pain Griff would have suffered had he not had the chance to say goodbye to the woman who had helped raise him.