The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-being

• Picture that there’s a lid with hinges on your internal pressure cooker, and accept that all you need to do is open the lid and the feeling will leave. See yourself opening the lid and the hinge becoming looser. If you use this image frequently, after a while, you’ll be able to keep this lid open and easily allow your feelings to come up and out.

• Picture yourself tightly gripping a feeling in your hand, and then see your hand opening and the feeling leaving. As you’ll see in the kinesthetic sensing section, you can reinforce this image physically by making an actual fist as you hold on to a feeling and then opening it as you let go.

• Imagine that your feelings are pockets of unwanted energy trapped in your body. See yourself poking holes in these pockets and watch negative energy drain out.

• You may also experience your limiting feelings as a sense of darkness. As you use this process, picture the darkness being washed away, illuminated by the light.

Kinesthetic Sensing

If you are predominantly kinesthetic, you lead with your physical sensations. Therefore, allow yourself to experience a feeling as fully as you can in your body first, and then relax, open, and feel the feeling leaving as you let go. You may especially enjoy reinforcing the experience of releasing with touch and movement. Try the following:

• Place both hands face down touching each other on your solar plexus. As you let go a feeling, simply tilt your hands up, creating an imaginary space through which it can pass up and out.

• Make a fist with one hand, holding it to your solar plexus, and then open your hand as you let go of a feeling.

• Combine the physical action of opening your arms with the same inner sense that you have when you’re about to hug someone whom you care about deeply. First, place your hands together in front of you in a prayerful position and simply allow yourself to become aware of whatever you’re feeling in the moment. Then, slowly open your arms wide and, at the same time, let yourself feel welcoming. Keep opening inwardly as best you can while moving your hands slowly outward until they are as far apart as they can go without straining. Afterwards, notice how you feel. If you did this with as little thought as possible, you would probably feel lighter.

• Here is another simple way to reinforce your releasing process physically and help yourself lead more with your heart than your head. Simply place your hand on the spot in your body where you are feeling a feeling—often this place is around the solar plexus or gut. Use this action as a reminder to focus on the feeling itself rather than your thoughts about the feeling.

Auditory Sensing

If you lead with your auditory sense, the basic releasing questions outlined in Chapter 1 and explored throughout this book may be more than enough to induce you to release. You might also engage in a positive, encouraging internal conversation to reassure yourself that it’s okay to let go as you ask the questions. However, if you use conversation, please keep it to a minimum and avoid debate. It is always better just to say “yes” or “no” to the releasing questions, rather than debating the merits of letting go or anticipating the potential consequences. As you become more experienced in releasing, you may be surprised at what you hear, such as my student who was welcoming a feeling of judgment and heard the words “bad, bad, bad” repeated in her own voice in her mind as though she were a naughty dog. This made her giggle, and so she released.

People who lead with any one of the three modes of sensing can benefit from using any of the suggestions above at different times. Think back to the brief exercise in the last chapter in which you held on to and then dropped a pen, pencil, or other small object. Why not use that technique if it helps? Just hold on to an object as you ask yourself the releasing questions. When you are ready to release, let the object go as a tangible reinforcement of your internal experience.

In order to bring your natural ability to release into focus, allow yourself to play a little game as you go about your day. The goal is to practice both holding on to your feelings and letting them go. But keep the pressure low by playing only with your petty annoyances and casual feelings. Notice when you’re holding on and when you’re letting go. Whenever you’re holding on, give yourself permission to continue. Then check in with yourself to determine if you’re willing to give the releasing process a try. If you are, ask the releasing questions: “What am I feeling? Could I allow myself to have this feeling? Could I let it go? Would I let it go? When? Now how am I feeling? Could I let this feeling go? Would I? When?” and so on. This game enhances emotional fluidity.

When Two or More Are Focused on a Goal

You may have heard the following story told many different ways. This one is my favorite. A man goes to heaven and meets God at the Pearly Gates. God welcomes him and then asks, “Is there any last wish, my son, before you spend the rest of eternity in heaven?” “Yes,” the man replies. “I would like to see what hell is like so I can more thoroughly appreciate my good fortune.” God says, “Fine,” snaps his fingers, and instantly they enter hell. Before them, as far as the eye can see, is a table piled high with the most wonderful delicacies that anyone’s heart could desire, and on both sides of the table, also as far as the eye can see, are millions of unhappy people starving to death.

The man asks God, “Why are these people starving?” God replies, “Everyone must eat from the table with 11-foot long chopsticks.” “That’s terribly harsh,” the man says compassionately. God snaps his fingers again, and they’re transported to heaven.

On entering heaven, the man is surprised to see an almost identical scene—a bountiful table stretching as far as the eye can see—except that everyone is happy and well-fed. He turns and asks God, “What do the people eat with here? They must have different utensils.” “No, my son,” says God, “everyone here eats with 11-foot long chopsticks, too.” The man is confused. “I don’t understand. How is this possible?”

God replies, “In heaven, we feed each other.”

The processes explored throughout this book are taken from the Sedona Method audio programs, as well as from the Basic and Advanced Courses we teach at Sedona Training Associates. They are purposefully designed so that you can do them on your own or share them with a friend, relative, or loved one. An awesome power is unleashed when people gather together to focus on freedom. That is why Sedona Training Associates host live seminars to explore the topic, and why you can benefit from sharing this material with others. On earth, as in heaven, when we take care of each other’s needs, no one goes “unfed.”

If you choose to do the exercises throughout this book with someone else, you can ask each other the questions or lead each other through the explorations. All you need to do is be as present as you can with your partner and read from the book. Grant your partner the authority of his or her self-knowledge by allowing your partner to have his/her own experience.

When you are facilitating your partner in letting go, do your best to let go, too. This will happen naturally if you are open to it. Allow your partner to go as deeply into the process as he or she chooses. Refrain from leading, judging your partner’s responses, or giving him/her advice. It is not your job to “fix” your partner.

Refrain from discussing the explorations until you and your partner have both completed them during that sitting and you mutually agree to discuss them. Be sure to validate your partner’s point of view, even if it does not agree with your own. Your partner may say, “I’m sad,” when you believe he/she actually feels angry, for instance. Therefore, help them release on sadness. Honor your partner by accepting what he/she tells you at face value. A common disagreement between partners is whether there has or has not been a full release. You may believe your partner needs to continue releasing on a topic, even though he/she is telling you, “I feel good. I’m done.” Again, as tempting as it may be, it is inappropriate to impose your feelings and interpretations on a partner.

Please refrain from playing the role of counselor or therapist unless you’re a trained counselor or therapist and your partner has specifically asked you to play this role with him or her. Also, if your partner brings up a medical condition that would ordinarily require treatment from a trained health care professional, suggest that he/she gets whatever support is needed in this area. If you’re not sure whether or not your partner truly needs medical support, you can suggest it anyhow, just to be sure.

Kenneth: Letting Go of His Attachment to a Story

Kenneth was a direct witness of the World Trade Center attacks in New York City on September 11, 2001. In spite of daily releasing ever since, he’d been in a continuous state of high anxiety for almost a month when he arrived for a Seven-day Retreat in Sedona that October. He told our group this dramatic story: “I was running late for a 9 A.M. appointment with a client across the street from Ground Zero. Coming out of the subway, the escalator was clogged up with people who were New York-style aggravated. When I reached street level, I turned to the right and saw a number of bystanders looking up at the North Tower, which was burning then. At that moment, none of us knew what had happened. It just looked like there was a fire on two floors. My only thought, as I continued hurrying along, was, ‘Wow! The Fire Department had better show up soon.’

“When I entered my client’s building, I took the elevator to the 14th floor. But no one was there, and the office was locked. It was now a few minutes after the hour and they had already evacuated the building. I went back downstairs and exited and stood on the sidewalk for a while and watched the fire. After 5 or 10 minutes, I don’t recall exactly how long, there was a tremendous explosion at the other tower—the sound approximated the clicking of an igniter on a gas stove. First, there was a whooshing noise, but magnified a million times over. Oddly, I didn’t even learn that it was a plane crash until I got home later and spoke on the phone to my girlfriend, who was watching the scene on CNN in Illinois. Right then, it looked like a bomb blast. That’s when it became apparent to us, the people in the street, that this event was something besides a simple fire.

“When the explosion occurred, a tremendous amount of paper began raining down on us. People panicked and rushed up Day Street. In their haste to get as far away as possible, I almost got run over. I wasn’t consciously releasing at the time. I felt curious instead of panicked. I tried to call out on my cell phone, because I wanted to tell my girlfriend what I was witnessing, but it wasn’t working down there since the transmitters had actually been on top of the towers. After a couple more minutes, there was also the cacophony of fire engines and police sirens coming towards us. Paper was still falling, not dust yet. It was surreal. I remember that one paper dropped right at my foot, and I noticed it had the name of a German bank on it. It struck a chord in me, as I’m German.

“The next dramatic thing, which has been haunting me, is that people began jumping from the top floors of the North Tower. It happened to be a beautiful, clear morning, so it looked almost unreal to me. It was a Panavision perfect picture, and I felt like I was watching a movie. Perfect colors and wide-open shots. One image in particular stuck in my mind: a businessman jumping out, holding on to his briefcase. Such a clear day, legs up in the air, hands down, and the tie up in the air and waving as he was flying down. Because the towers were high, it took quite a while for him to come down. Gratefully, I didn’t see the impacts of the bodies because other buildings obscured them.

“That’s when I knew that something extremely serious was going on. People were crying in the streets, and whenever someone jumped, everyone went Haaaaaaaah, sucking in their breath. I felt compelled to watch, even though it was horrific. But I told myself, ‘You have GOT to get out of here—NOW! There’s a possibility that something else might happen. We don’t know what caused the impact. There might be more bombs. LEAVE THE AREA AND GO HOME!’ So I worked myself against the flow of the crowd to get to the subway station at Brooklyn Bridge a few blocks north of where I’d been. To get there, I passed by a park near the mayor’s office. There were crowds of people outside in the park, throngs watching the drama unfold. Once or twice I almost turned back and looked over my shoulder. But I had made up my mind to go. Luckily the subway was still running then, but I was almost the only person on it and it soon stopped.

“I got home and immediately called my girlfriend on the landline. She explained what I had seen. I shared my feelings with her and the impact it had on me. Then I went into shock. I couldn’t turn on the TV right away because it was stored in a closet. So I got it out and turned it on. The reception was terrible because the antennas had been blown away. There was a powerful sense that the attack wasn’t true somehow, tremendous disbelief even though I’d been a witness. I urgently needed to see the drama unfolding.”

As Kenneth was recounting the story, I walked him through a release on pieces of the experience: the sounds, sights, feelings, thoughts, and sensations. He released some fear and anxiety. But Kenneth had a lot of resistance, and often he answered “no” when I asked him, “Could you let this go?” I knew that everyone in the group would benefit from his releasing process, since we had all been deeply affected by the scale of the tragedy. It wasn’t until he was able to recognize how he was subtly proud of having been in such a unique situation, and developing such a great story about it, that he was able to let go completely. Once he did see the pride and released it, the anxiety that he’d been experiencing vanished and did not reoccur.

As Kenneth says, “Pride is a powerful emotion, but I was finally able to let go. Persistence paid off. In the end, I was oblivious of the group. It was me dealing with this particular event. It wasn’t about pleasing Hale, or about seeking anyone’s approval, not even my own. After the release I felt good. September 11th was still very much on people’s minds and there was constant talk about it, but I never brought it up again the whole time I was in Sedona. Even better, I was actually sick of it.”

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Many people stumble into common pitfalls when they embark on the path of personal development, no matter what road they take. Here are some tips on avoiding them.

• “I suffer, therefore I am.” Strange as it may seem, this statement reflects the way that most of us live our lives. We identify with our problems, believing that we are the one having them. It is almost as though we feel that we justify our existence by having obstacles to overcome, problems to fix, and how much suffering we can bear. We also identify with our self-created suffering. We become so versed in being the person with a particular problem that we’re often afraid we won’t know who we are without it. When we take a moment to reflect on “our” problems, we may even discover that we’ve grown so attached to these patterns of thought and behavior that it’s hard to imagine ourselves without them. Rather than being open to the uncertainty that comes from letting go, we are clinging to the artificial sense of security that comes from knowing what to expect, even if that expectation is not beneficial.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Think of a problem that you believe belongs to you, and ask yourself: “Would I rather have the false sense of security that comes from knowing all about this problem, or would I rather be free?” If you’d rather be free, you’ll spontaneously let go of your attachment to the problem, and you’ll begin discovering natural solutions to it, as opposed to justifying having, or being stuck with, the problem.

• “But what will I talk about?” Most of us base a significant amount of our interpersonal communications on seeking sympathy for our problems or commiserating with others about theirs. Often we become such experts at describing our problems to others that we do not want to give up our expertise. It is not that sharing our problems is detrimental. In fact, the freedom to share what’s bothering you with others is often the first step in letting go and moving on. Also, being able to be there for our friends and partners when they are in emotional need is a sign of being a good friend. Where we get stuck is in continually sharing the same problem repeatedly, with no relief.

If you find yourself telling the same story more than once, check to see if you are seeking agreement or approval for the problem. If you are, ask yourself:

— Could I let go of wanting others to agree with me about my having this problem?

— Could I let go of wanting approval for this problem?

• “It’s mine, that’s why.” Pride is a shifty emotion. For we don’t only feel proud of our accomplishments, we also get really hooked into being subtly proud of our problems. We feel so special for having them. This pitfall on the path to freedom may take the form of feeling proud of having prevailed even with the problem, proud of having borne it for so long, or proud of having a problem that is unique to us alone.

Keep an eye open for pride. Look at your problems as you release on them, and check to see if you feel that they make you “special.” If you find any pride and you can honestly admit it and let it go, then you’ll find yourself free to let go of the problem, too.

• It is not wise to ask, “Why?” Wanting to understand or figure out why, or from where, problems arise can also be a major obstacle to letting them go. For we have to hold on to our problems in order to figure them out. Interestingly, if there is something that’s important for you to understand, letting go of wanting to understand often brings the understanding that you’ve been seeking with a lot less effort. Ask yourself a question: Would I rather understand my problems or just be free of them? If you would rather be free, I highly recommend letting go of wanting to figure them out.

“Coming from a background of poverty and excessive physical discipline, I’ve been working on myself for umpteen years. But a number of issues have persisted, despite my efforts to shift them. Having completed the Course, I’m relieved of much of my old anger, and I am better able to deal with the deep-rooted fears that come up. I’m not sure I recognize me, but I’m prepared to be surprised. The Method easily comes to mind when faced with daily challenges, so I have gained some highly effective tools and a calmer, happier way of living.”

—Yvonne Wigman, Kingston, Australia

The reason this is so important is that, in order to figure out a problem, we must leave the present moment, which is the only place we can truly solve anything. In addition, we only truly need to understand a problem if we are planning to have it occur again or are planning in some way to maintain it.

Years ago, during a Sedona Method course that I was teaching, I suggested to my class that if they let go of wanting to figure out their problems, the answers would come. There was one man in particular who had a hard time embracing the concept. He was an electrical engineer, and he “knew” beyond any shadow of a doubt that he needed to want to figure things out in his profession or he would not be able to do his job. I didn’t fight with him about his point of view; I merely suggested that he remain open at least to the possibility that letting go of wanting to figure it out might be of service to him.

In between the two weekends of the course, the engineer had an experience that totally changed his perception. He was working to create a sample circuit and needed a particular part to complete it. But when he went to find it in the parts room—a room consisting of rows upon rows of bins stacked on floor-to-ceiling shelves and filled with small electronics parts that were sorted according to their specifications—the bin where the part was supposed to be was empty. He thought, I am sure that this letting go of wanting to figure out stuff can’t possibly work with this kind of problem, but I’m going to give it a try anyhow. So, he just stood there for a few minutes and let go of wanting to figure out where the part might be. Then he found himself walking around the corner to a new row of bins, where he reached into one that was labeled for something else, and, lo and behold, there was the part he was seeking. He was dumbfounded because he had just done this on a lark, certain it wouldn’t work—and it did anyway!

I highly encourage you to be open to the possibility that you can get the answers you crave in your life through this process of letting go of wanting to figure it out. Like the electrical engineer, you may be surprised!

• Stop rushing past life. Begin to approach your life as though you have all the time in the world. We live in an incredibly fast-paced world where we’re constantly forcing ourselves to move more rapidly in order just to keep up. In our rush to attain our goals, even in the realm of self-improvement, we often rush past the very moment that offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and self-recognition—now.

Exploration: Look for the Freedom that Is Here and Now

No matter where your consciousness has gotten hooked in the past, in addition to releasing on that issue directly, develop the habit of looking for its opposite. Most of us have become very good at finding problems and limitations. We are experts at the quest for limitation because of our habit of looking for our problems when they are not here.

The freedom that we inherently are is always closer than our next thought. The reason we miss our freedom is that we jump from thought to thought, from familiar perception to familiar perception, missing what’s really happening here and now.

Even when you are working on a particular problem, allow yourself to look for where the problem isn’t. Notice how even your worst problem is not always with you in the current moment (NOW). When you start becoming aware of your basic nature of unbound freedom, you’ll find that this awareness puts all of your supposed problems into perspective and allows you to live your natural state of freedom now.

The following process will help you start to move in this direction. It is a way to experience what’s beyond your apparent problems and get more in touch with the second form of releasing—welcoming.

Easily allow yourself to become aware of your sensory perceptions, beginning with your sense of hearing. Could you allow yourself just to hear, listen, or welcome whatever is being heard in this moment?

Then, while allowing yourself to continue to focus on hearing: Could you also allow yourself to welcome the silence that surrounds and interpenetrates whatever is being heard?

For a few moments, switch back and forth between listening to what is being heard and not heard, including your thoughts.

When you feel ready, allow yourself to focus on what is being seen. Could you allow yourself to welcome whatever is being seen, as best you can?

Then, could you allow yourself also to welcome or notice the space, or emptiness, that surrounds every picture or object, including the white space between the writing on this page?